Keldeo The Critic
by Matthais123
Summary: The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.
1. Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake

**Keldeo The Critic- Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake by Toadettegirl2012**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

As you know, it's February, and Valentines Day has come and gone. In honor of that holiday, I am going to review a romance FanFiction! And what romance is better than Negaishipping, or Ash and Iris shipping! Why? Because they're two of my good friends and just look so good together! they're both fun, brave, adventurous, and determined! They'd make a perfect couple!

So, when I found a FanFiction about Ash and Iris' first Valentines Day together, I went right for it! So, without further ado, here's "Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake" by Toadettegirl2012!

* * *

_ Hey it's me, Toadettegirl2012! Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Are you guys ready for some more Holiday Fun, 'cause I'm totally am! Hehehe, I put a lot of hard work into this fanfic, and it's the perfect Negaishipping story, since Valentine's Day is the day of hearts, kisses, chocolate, flowers, oversized teddy bears and things of that nature...too bad I have no boyfriend to give me any of those things WAHHHHH! T-T *Sniff...sniff* okay all better (I just shove the fact that my Dad won't let me date in the back of my head) now go ahead and enjoy this awesome fanfic...while I go find some chocolate or something to snack on..._

* * *

. . .

Wow. . .

That's depressing. . .

Do you really have to do that to us? I mean, sure we feel bad for you, but, why do you want to do this to us? It's kind of distracting from the story.

Ah whatever. So, our story begins with Ash in a flower shop looking for flowers for Iris. . .flowers. . . really? Well, okay. So, Ash wants a specific type of flowers. Iris flowers. Oh. . . I see! Cause she's named after them! Well, unfortunately, the shop is all out of iris flowers.

* * *

_"I was really hoping I could find some iris flowers here, but I guess their not selling them right now," Ash said brushing a rose petal off his black shirt that had a the word "swag" in big bold yellow letters in the middle, he was also wearing lose fitting jeans and sneakers._

* * *

What the heck is he wearing? Ash wouldn't wear a shirt like that! Ash doesn't even have any swag!

* * *

_(Okay then what's plan B?) Pikachu asked as they exited the flower shop_

_"Uh, I actually only had a plan A, to get Iris some iris flowers," Ash admitted as he got on his bike and started to pedal._

_(What?! You only have a plan A?) Pikachu asked as he jumped off his trainer's shoulder and into the basket that was on the front of the bike_

_"Well yeah, besides that flower shop was selling iris flowers yesterday," Ash said remembering seeing the purple flowers just the day before._

_Pikachu rolled his eyes (Well duh, yesterday wasn't Valentine's Day; they probably got rid of them today and will being selling them tomorrow) the electric mouse's ears pricked up (hey, why not just give Iris a bleated Valentine's Day gift and give her iris flowers tomorrow?)_

_"What, no way!" Ash said as he pressed the breaks lightly as they started going down a hill, "I can't give Iris a belated Valentine's Day gift!"_

_(Why not? What are those one of the rules of Valentine's Day something?) he asked sacristy, rolling his eyes_

_"Yeah…I guess you could say that," Ash says following along with Pikachu's sarcasm_

* * *

Wait, what's going on here? Did Pikachu suddenly learn telepathy? Did Ash learn Poke-language? Can he understand all Pokemon now? Is it just Pikachu? Are you gonna explain anything? HELLO!? EXPLANATION!? BACK-STORY?! ANYTHING?!

. . .Alright then. Fine. Make stuff up. Just give us a good story.

* * *

_Back at the Ketchum's home, Iris lounged on the couch. The sixteen year old girl was wearing a pair of white short shorts, a pair of pink fuzzy socks and purple t-shirt that had a cute little pink dragon on eating a cupcake on it, below the dragon it read "CHOMP!" in bold blue letters. The house was empty since Mrs. Ketchum had gone to a Valentine's Day party with her friends, leaving Iris at home with her Axew._

* * *

Wha-? Gah! But-the-gah!

Okay, time out! What's with all the bizarre outfits?! I know Anime shows give their characters only one or two outfits a season, and it's refreshing to imagine them in different outfits, but, come on! "Swag" and "CHOMP!"? They sound like Team Rocket rejects or something. . .

_"To denounce the evils of logic and sense!"_

_"To have trouble seeing through a chain-link fence!"_

_"CHOMP!"_

_"Swag!"_

_"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"_

_"Surrender-!"_

_Giovanni hit a button that sent the two grunts down a trap door._

Okay, so Iris is having trouble figuring out what to give Ash for Valentines Day.

* * *

_Axew jumped from Iris head on onto her lap, (Okay how about a giant teddy bear?)_

_"Axew, only girls get those"_

_(Um how about sweater?)_

_"Ew, no not even I would want that for Valentine's Day."_

_Axew crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her red eyes (Alright, fine why not just get Ash the giant chocolate Bunary you saw in the catalog)_

_Iris laughed, "I can't do that, you know how Ash is he'll eat the whole thing in an hour and give himself a stomach,"_

* * *

Okay, so apparently Iris can talk to Pokemon too! And- WAIT, WHY IS AXEW A GIRL IN THIS!

Okay, does the author even watch the actual show? I mean, give us a reason for all this! Don't just drop it on us and expect us to accept it!

And another thing, the grammar in this FanFiction is AWFUL! Just TERRIBLE! There are so many errors, that it's distracting! "Ash will give himself a stomach."? So, he didn't have a stomach before eating the chocolate "Bunary"? There are A LOT more in this story, but I don't want to pick on the grammar, so let's just let that pass and move on.

So, lucky for Iris, inspiration comes in the form a cook book that lands on Axew. Iris decides to make Ash a big double fudge chocolate cake.

It's time to play Politician!

_ "I can't do that, you know how Ash is he'll eat the whole thing in an hour. . ."_

_ (you're gonna make Ash a cake?) "Yup besides it perfect"_

_ "I can't do that, you know how Ash is he'll eat the whole thing in an hour. . ."_

_ (you're gonna make Ash a cake?) "Yup besides it perfect"_

_ "I can't do that. . ."_

_"it perfect"_

_ "I can't do that. . ."_

_"it perfect"_

Is there some magical difference between chocolate cakes and chocolate Bunearys?

So, meanwhile, Ash decides to just pick some iris flowers instead! After getting a vase and some flower food, and narrowly avoiding running into Iris at the store, Ash and Pikachu get picking. Unfortunately, it turns out that Ash is allergic to the flowers and his hand become red, itchy, and swollen.

* * *

_"Ugh, damn it that burns like hell!" Ash moaned trying to keep himself from scratching._

* * *

(Keldeo spits out some Berry Juice that he was drinking) WHAT THE HECK! DID HE JUST SWEAR?!

Did Ash Ketchum; the Hero, the Chosen One, the Innocent One, the one _Melloetta_ feels at peace around, and the ultimate Anime Gary Stu; just _swear?_

No, no, no! I must be imagining things! Look, I'll just eat this Darumaka boxed lunch, relax, and pretend this misunderstanding never happened.

* * *

_"Ugh, damn it that burns like hell!" Ash moaned trying to keep himself from scratching._

* * *

(Keldeo spits out a bite of a veggie pita sandwich) HOLY MEW! HE SWORE! HE ACTUALLY SWORE!

Team Rocket has taken over the world, Mewtwo's the new Easter Bunny, Darkrai has gotten a job at Build-A-Bear Workshop, and I'm pretty sure _Cupcakes_ has just become cannon!

What the heck is this- this- gah! Look, Team Rocket can swear, Paul can swear, Trip can swear, Georgia can swear, Burgundy can swear, even Cilan can swear. _But Ash Ketchum does not swear!_

(Sigh) Okay, so after that, we go back to Iris in the kitchen, and, as expected, the kitchen, and her own self, are a mess. However, she still managed to get the cake batter done and in the oven.

* * *

_Iris sweatdropped, "Okay…uh maybe the kitchen's a bit of a mess,"_

_(A bit of a mess!) Axew shouted (how are we going to clean all this up! If Mrs. Ketchum sees this she's going to poop a Miltank!)_

* * *

. . . . . .He didn't swear! That's all that matters!

* * *

_ . . . how was she supposed to kill up this mess!?_

* * *

(Keldeo's teeth are clenched and he's trembling violently) _Must - resist - urge - to be - a - grammar Nazi!_

Ash and Pikachu get back home, and Pikachu hides the stuff while Iris notices Ash's hands and offers to give him with a first aid kit and a little TLC. In addition, we get one of the most adorable lines in all of FanFiction history.

* * *

_ Ash sighed he gave a smile as kissed the tip of Iris nose he pulled back and licked his lips, "Mmm, I didn't know your nose tasted like chocolate!"_

_Iris sweatdropped and whipped her nose, "Ash not be silly," she said nervously, "my nose-"_

* * *

(Keldeo levitates a few inches into the air, and then floats back down with a wide smile on his face.)

Wow. . .that makes you smile. . .

But then, Axew is having trouble in the kitchen and is making a lot of noise. And, what do you know? Iris swears too!

. . .Why am I still happy?

Okay, so while Iris and Axew are finishing the cake, Pikachu and Ash are finishing Ash's gift.

* * *

_"Oh crap," Iris groaned, she was trying to fit the cake pan in the fridge so it could cool but the irregular shape of the heart shaped pan just wouldn't fit, "ugh, great now what am I going to do, I can't frost the cake until it's cool!"_

* * *

**WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!**

* * *

_Upstairs Ash and Pikachu were having troubles of their own. With Ash's tightly bandaged hands and Pikachu's lack of thumbs they were having trouble opening the packet of flower food._

_(Can't you just take the bandages off?) Pikachu asked after their fifth attempts to pry open the packet._

_"I would but I can move my fingers and Iris tied them way to tight!" Ash complained picking at the bandages on his hands._

_Pikachu sighed (Give me the stupid thing,) the electric mouse took the packet and carefully as he could nibbled a hole in the side, he got some of the flower powder in his mouth and made a face (Mew knows how much I care for you to just of done that for you, Ash) he said spitting and trying to rub the taste of the flower food off his tongue._

* * *

**WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!**

So, after standing in front of the freezer for ten minutes with no ill effects, Iris finishes off the cake. But then-

* * *

_(Iris-AHHHH!) Iris turned to see Pikachu slide across the floor on a butter rapper, the electric pokemon crashed into the wall._

* * *

**WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAT** the heck am I doing? I sound so stupid doing that sound effect!

So _FINALLY_, the couple exchange their gifts. After Ash apparently becomes strong enough to spin Iris around!

* * *

_Iris laughed, "Well could you at least of waited until I got cleaned up I'm all covered in flour!"_

_Ash laughed, "It's funny that you should say that," he said thinking of the gift he had got Iris. Ash scooped Iris off the grass and spun her around some more, causing her to squeal and laugh in her cute way, before setting her down beneath the tree that sat in the backyard._

* * *

OH! I get it! Flour! And Flower! It's a pun! And it's clever! I guess. . .aw, the hay with it, it was cute. I liked it.

Of course, Iris is touched by the gift of the hard to find flowers, especially when it revealed that it was the flowers that destroyed his hands!

And, of course, Ash loves the chocolate cake. And it is worth mentioning that we get the whole, "close your eyes" cliche from both parties when the gift exchange.

* * *

_The dark skinned girl gave a mischievous smirk then leaned in and locked her lips with Ash's, Ash placed his hands around her waist and allowed Iris to lick the frosting off his lips. The two giggled as they kissed turned into a make out session Iris fell on her back, Ash hovering over her, as they continued to kiss loving. So their tongues started to-_

* * *

NOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! Cut to something else!

(Terrakion suddenly peeks in) Hm-hm-hm! What's wrong Keldeo? Aren't you mature enough for this?

(Points hoof at Terrakion) You know, Water is super effective against Rock-types, and Aqua Jet is a Water-type move. . .

(Grins roguishly) Alright, Keldeo! You. Me. Sparring match. Later. (Leaves)

And thus, we end the FanFiction on a romantic note. And I-

* * *

_"WHA-! WHAT ON EARTH-M-MY KITCHEN! ASH, IRIS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PRICESSOUIS KITCHEN!"_

* * *

_. . . . _well. . .someones grounded . . .

So, what's my opinion of this FanFiction?

I really liked it!

Sure, there were spelling errors, the characters _swore_, and I still don't understand how they were able to understand Pikachu and Axew. But, this was a really sweet FanFiction for Valentines Day, or any day! The jokes were pretty cute, and it was just hilarious how the couple and their respective Pokemon had to go through such great lengths and hilarious antics. And you know what, the great lengths they go to really make this FanFiction. It's these great lengths to get each other the perfect gift that make it so touching and heartwarming.

Also, the fact that the humans can talk to their Pokemon add another level of hilarity and comradeship that keeps you rooting for them, as well as laughing when they have their little squabbles. Like Axew's comments on Iris' kitchen skills or her choice of clothing. Or Pikachu snarky attitude or his clumsiness in the bathroom. It all just works out beautifully. Also, Ash and Iris are generally in character. Sure, they're a little different, but that's because they're in love. And yet, if they were in love in the show, this is probably how they would act.

So, all, Toadettegirl2012 really did an awesome job on this FanFiction. I plan on reading it over and over again. Although, what she really, really, really needs is a Beta Reader. I mean, seriously!

Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Fan-

(Off screen) _**"Heil Grammar!"**_

(Keldeo's eyes widen) Oh no! Grammar Nazis! They sense the mistakes in this FanFcition! They're headed this way! I can't fight them alone!

(Off screen) "Don't worry, we'll fight them together!"

Coballion! And you brought Virizion and Terrakion too!

(Terrakion) Don't think I forgot about your challenge, Keldeo! After this, we spar!

I wouldn't have it any other way

(Of screen) _**"HEIL GRAMMAR!"**_

Let's get 'em! Swords of Justice ATTACK!

* * *

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing.

(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)


	2. Kevin and Buizel- Chapters 1 to 3

**Keldeo The Critic- Kevin and Buizel by Sukkotto Dragon**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

There's nothing more important than a good relationship between Pokemon and Trainer. Providing you don't take it too far. . .like the characters in this FanFic. "Kevin and Buizel" by Sukkotto Dragon. What do I mean by what I said?

(Keldeo smiles nervously)

Why don't we read the summary:

* * *

**Summary:** A story of true friendship shared between a Pokemon and a Trainer, Kevin. They join Ash's group for a bit and when they leave Kevin has a terrible incident. This is a story of a lovely friendship they share that in maybe most of the moral views are wrong.

* * *

So. . .this story is morally wrong?

. . .

NO IT ISN'T!

Look, I'm gonna go right out and say, as kind of a disclaimer. The Swords of Justice have been hounding me A LOT over this story, because they are under the impression that this story is about something it it's not. And boy.

(Keldoe Face-hoofs)

Am I tired of it!

Virizion. . .

* * *

_ Virizion gasped, "You're reading about. . ._that?_ I think I'm gonna be. . .uggh!" She put a hoof over her mouth a ran off._

* * *

Terrakion. . .

* * *

_ Terrakion mouth dropped open, "Keldeo. . .how could you? You were like a_ son_ to me!"_

* * *

And, of course, Coballion. . .

* * *

_"THIS IS DISGUSTING AND UNACCEPTABLE! DOES THE HONOR OF THE SWORDS OF JUSTICE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU!"_

* * *

Okay, so, I have been in a lot of hot water over this. So, I am going to clear this controversy up for them and all of you. . .

KEVIN AND BUIZEL ARE NOT GAY!

This is a story about_ friendship_ and _brotherhood!_

You can love your friends and your family without being homosexual.

I'm against homosexual. I believe that it's wrong and not natural. This story is not a slash fic, or a romance fic. The genre is clearly labeled as Friendship. So Virzion, relax. Terrakion, don't disown me. And Coballion. . . Calm. Down. Please.

I think the problem is Sukkotto kinda goes a little too far in his descriptions and use of the word "love." I guess he's referring to Philia, brotherly love. He shouldn't have written that morally wrong comment in his summary, because there is nothing wrong with this. Philia is in the Bible! Jesus uses it! I'm pretty sure that means it's okay. As long as there's nothing sexually, there's nothing wrong.

So, why don't we actually start reading fanfic without making hasty judgments and jumping to conclusions.

* * *

_It's an incredible day in the meadow for our heroes as Ash is planning to get his last and eighth medal at Sunnyshore city, although his adventure might have to stop for a while as our heroes get to see that a young trainer is sat in the grass at the distance._

* * *

Wow, that's cool. He actually put the narrator from the actual Anime show in. That's a good sign.

Well, Ash, Dawn, and Brock are walking along when the meet the titular characters, Kevin and Buizel.

* * *

_A young trainer of 17 years old was on his knees in this meadow, he has dark brown hair, he wears a blue shirt decorated with white palm trees. He has beige shorts and he is wearing normal shoes; these were red and had no particular design._

_At his right was what appeared to be, his Pokémon, a Buizel that had all the normal attributes of a Buizel, orange and peach fur colorings, the yellow float sac in his neck, his tails that worked as propellers… a normal Buizel. And you could tell that his Buizel was male due to the two peach ovals in his back. The only different thing that this Buizel had in particular was a necklace with a stone, which appeared to be a common rock, but in fact, it had a special attribute._

* * *

It's an Everstone and has no bearing on the plot whatsoever. Moving on!

So, it turns out Kevin is a musician and can play the guitar. As he plays a song for our heroes, Buizel seems to really like Kevin's music and can't help but tap his foot to the tune.

_(Come. . .they told me "Strum Strum-Strum-Strum Struuuuuum!" A Pokemon to see "Strum Strum-Strum-Strum Struuuuum!")_

* * *

_-Well, my name is… - The trainer was going to say when Brock interrupted him._

_-You are Kevin! Right? –_

_-Uhhh, yeah… how do you know my name? – Kevin asked._

_Brock said that he was certainly a famous person in Sinnoh, he handled a magazine to Kevin, there was his picture holding his guitar with his Pokémon beside him, the title said: "Young musician will play at Sunnyshore city this weekend." Below you could see the date and time of the event, at night._

_-Whoa, I'm not really THAT famous at all, I even doubt that more than one-hundred people know me… maybe I was away for too long…wow… – Kevin said as he couldn't believe what he saw. –Check this out Buizel! – Kevin showed his picture to his Pokémon. Buizel cheered with joy. –I've always wished to be recognized like this!_

* * *

Wait, how can you be famous and not know it? And this guy is so modest. . .

(Keldeo gains a horror struck expression)

Oh no, please don't make him a Gary Stu!

So, it turns out Kevin and Ash both have seven gym badges, and decide to head over to Sunnyshore together, while swapping stories of their adventures.

* * *

_They started to feel tired and they decided to rest and make something too eat._

_-WOW! This is soooo good! Finally a good meal!- Kevin said as he ate as fast as he could._

_-What's with you? It's just soup…- Ash said_

_-Well, it's that… I travel alone with Buizel and I don't know how to cook, I can't seem to prepare good food.- Kevin explained._

_-Then, what did you eat?- Ash asked._

_-Sometimes, Pokémon food…- Kevin said with a bit of shame._

_Everyone then had the most awkward faces by hearing this…_

* * *

FORESHADOWING! (Keldeo shouts this while moving his face close to the screen)

So, Ash and Kevin decide to have a Pokemon battle. It's Kevin's Riolu and Buizel vs Ash's Buizel and Pikachu. And it also turns out that Kevin has a Pikachu as well. But there's something weird about him. . .

* * *

_Ash couldn't help too notice that this Pikachu had a part of his ear cut as well as a portion of his tail cut in the shape of a triangle as well. Ash decided not to say anything yet. But it was a really strange thing to see in a Pikachu._

* * *

Uh, are you really gonna let this go without saying anything. I mean, this is kinda the thing you'd want to find out about right away.

So, Ash's Buizel defeats Kevin's Riolu and Kevin's Buizel defeats Ash's Buizel, which leaves Kevin's Buizel vs Ash's Pikachu. But wait, what's this?

* * *

_-Bui? - His buizel was kind of asking his trainer something as he looked at him. But Kevin simply moved his finger side to side showing disapproval. Buizel was still excited about the battle though._

_-Buizel dodge!- Kevin's buizel couldn't dodge the attack however and got hit by Pikachu, Kevin rooted for buizel to get up and then he ordered him to use Water gun at Pikachu and Pikachu used thunderbolt. Both attacks did hit successfully to each other. Pikachu didn't get really damaged, but Buizel got a good amount of damage due to the type differences, Buizel couldn't continue._

* * *

Hmm. . .is there a little secret going on here?

* * *

_Kevin got a little nervous but he explained. –Well, uh, you see my buddy here knows a certain attack… but it's too dangerous for him.-_

_They all wondered, and, were going to ask about what attack could it be, but someone was calling afar._

_-Hello over there, Kevin dear! Could you please come? – It was a girl's voice._

_"Hmm I wonder what they want" Kevin thought for himself as he begun walking towards her. Of course his Buizel accompanied Kevin. After going a few feet away he saw two young girls really excited about Kevin showing up._

_-Hi there honey! - Said one of the young girls._

* * *

So, before we get the explanation, two girls come in wanting a autographed picture. However, it turns out to be a trap.

* * *

_-Say cheesy!- Said the other girl with a manly voi… What?! Kevin didn't know what was going on, that is until, they all fell into a hole, Kevin however, managed to grab from the side of it still holding Riolu in his arm. He made sure to keep Riolu in his Pokéball. They where all stranded at the bottom, a little wounded but it was no big deal, or was it? Kevin got back up to the road panting at the moment. "What the hell is going on?" When he raised his sight he saw an air balloon with the shape of a Pokémon in it. And two guys with some really strange outfits that had an "R" design at the very center. He turned around to see that his friends made it safe and sound from the hole._

* * *

That's right, it's the EVIL Team Rocket! Oh! Here comes that catchy motto!

* * *

_-Prepare for trouble! - Said one of the two, she was a woman and she had an impressively long purple hair that was somehow capable to defy gravity. "Whoa… she must use a lot of hair gel!" Kevin thought for himself._

_-And make it double! – Said a man._

_-To protect the world from devastation! –_

_-To unite the people within our nation! –_

_-The worst rimes of all creation… - Interrupted Kevin. – Look, the presentation in Sunnyshore does not include a clown act. – Kevin finished._

* * *

(Keldeo gained a very stunned expression on his face)

No. . .no. . .they're saying the wrong motto? And Kevin _interrupted_ them? NO! NO-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-NOOOOOOOOO!

Did the author even watch the show? You know what, this stinks! I want to hear that motto! I demand that motto! I-

(Ahem!)

(Keldeo turns to see the Swords of Justice)

"Listen Keldeo," Terrakion said sadly, "We're sorry for jumping to conclusions on this story."

"We questioned your honor and your integrity. We were wrong," Coballion said with a bowed head.

Virizion smiled and nodded, "Yes. So, we have a little surprise for you. . ."

(Cue Sinnoh Motto Music)

_Virizion: Listen! Is that a voice I hear!_

_Coballion: It speaks to me loud and clear!_

_Virizion: Through the grasses!_

_Coballion: Across the land!_

_Terrakion: In your ear!_

_Virzion: Spreading justice at a breakneck pace!_

_Coballion: Quelling fears, putting hope in it's place!_

_Virizion: A rose by any other name is just as sweet!_

_Coballion: When justice is served our work is complete!_

_Virizion!_

_Coballion!_

_Terrakion! Now that's a name!_

_Virizion: Putting the evil doers in their place!_

_Coballion: The Swords of Justice!_

_All: By the Creator's grace!_

(Keldeo's eyes widened)

WOW! That was! Wow! Guys. . .thanks. . .

"Don't mention it. Ever." Coballion said strenly.

O-kay.

So, as usual, Team Rocket have attempted to steal Pikachu. However, this apparently hits Kevin's berserk button.

* * *

_-Bu? – Buizel looked at his trainer, looking him seriously, the same look he gave when he was fighting Ash's Pikachu. Kevin nodded._

_-Buizel! Use Hyper beam on that balloon! – Kevin yelled while pointing at Team Rocket's balloon._

_-Hyper beam?!- Ash, Dawn and Brock said with a mixture of surprise and fear._

_Buizel separated his feet on the ground to be able to stand well after the Hyper beam, he looked at his target, and then he charged the hyper beam on his mouth. Then, he fired it at the balloon. The members of team rocket appeared to be scared to death. It made a direct hit at the basket. But, Buizel fell at the ground exhausted._

_-Team rocket blast off again! – They said as they went trough the airs until they were not seen again._

_Pikachu feel from high, but fortunately Ash was there to catch him._

* * *

So, we skip to Team Rocket's landing, and Meowth gets an idea.

* * *

_-I know! - Meowth said, Jessie and James looked at Meowth to listen to his plan. – If we can capture that Pokeymon then we will be able to go after Pikachu! – Meowth said while Jessie and James wondered how. – We could use the Twerp's Pokeymon to use his attack against the twerps. Then we can take him to the boss as well. Imagine that the boss receives a visitor in front of his door. Let's say that it's a merchant that is trying to sell something to the boss, then that is where Buizel comes in to use his hyper beam to get rid of that merchant. The boss will say "Wow, now I don't have to listen to those dumb merchants, Jessie, James and Meowth deserve a raise. – He explained._

* * *

_. . . _

Really. . .

Are you kidding me? Using Hyper Beam on a salesman? That's like using a wrecking ball on a sandcastle? Is Meowth _supposed_ to be a moron?

Well, back with our heroes:

* * *

_-Although Kevin, you really shouldn't have made Buizel use Hyper beam, Team Rocket isn't precisely the most smart group of bandits. We basically ruin their plans all the time! – Dawn explained. – Anyway… that Hyper beam was awesome! – Dawn said._

_-Yeah… But, it's really dangerous. You see, Buizel gets extremely tired after using it, and he actually faints most of the time. – Kevin explained._

_-You could've won the battle with Pikachu. – Ash said surprised._

_-Not really, your Pikachu is pretty fast. – Kevin said._

_-Speaking of Pikachu's, why does your Pikachu have some strange cuts in his ear and tail? –_

* * *

Oh, really? Is that actually important? I'm actually surprised you brought up that unimportant plot point!

_GLaDOS: __Sarcasm sphere self-test complete_.

So, Kevin tells them the story of his life.

* * *

_You see, 4 years ago, my mom and dad wanted me to be a great traditional musician, so I practiced all day. I was most of the time alone in my room playing the same practice songs over and over, and whenever I wanted to play some improvisation… dad used to knock at the door and tell me to play only what I was meant to play. I didn't have that many friends because I was always alone. _

_Sometimes I used to stay close to the ocean to listen to it, such a beautiful sound. But that day I listened something below. Someone was hurt, when I went down to check it out, it was Buizel, yeah, this Buizel. That is where we first met._

_The next weekend I could go to the meadow I found Buizel again, we spent that weekend playing, exploring and we even managed to communicate a bit. The weekend, however, was ending, and I wasn't sure how I was going to recognize him. I gave him my special rock collar, I didn't know what kind of rock it was, but still, I gave it to him as a present and as a way to recognize him."_

_When I was looking for Buizel that day I saw something that had me worried, Buizel was fighting another Pokémon. I defended Buizel, I got attacked by his Pokémon, but I stood, that trainer tried to throw his Pokéballs to catch Buizel but I blocked them all. Then he got tired of trying to get Buizel, and… I really don't think I want to talk about it…"_

_After that bad moment me and Buizel could relax, I took out my guitar and I decided to play to relax a bit, to forget everything I had to deal with today, Buizel was following the rhythm of the song, and he was actually humming too, and as I loved to improvise, he loved to improvise as well by his humming and he actually placed his paws on the guitar strings most of the time, helping me figure out some interesting notes…_

_And that is how we made our first song titled: "True friend of mine." It was the first song to be recognized by me. – Kevin finished._

_-Yes, when I played that song in the field, a Pikachu came by, he already had those cuts, apparently the older trainer made him those cuts to make him look "cooler" that was just so cruel. And then I figured out that his older trainer was the trainer that tried to STEAL Buizel. – Kevin said. – OH! Look at the time, I better be off or I'll be late! – Kevin said._

* * *

Oh, so an EVIL abusive trainer did that to the Pikachu!

Wait. . .was his name. . .Paul?!

(Dramatic sting plays as the camera zooms in to Keldeo's terrified face.)

(Keldeo suddenly smiles calmly) Naaaaah! It couldn't be.

So, Kevin and the heroes split up and plan to meet up tomorrow.

Sure! No way is this a bad idea!

_GLaDOS: Sarcasm sphere self test complete_

SHUT-UP!

* * *

_"We have a report about Kevin in Live from Sunnyshore plaza._

_Apparently, with all the recent information from unrevealed sources, Kevin the 17 year old young Guitarist is MISSING._

_No one has seen him since a week ago, we ask for anyone that has seen him within this "missing" week, come to us immediately to help with the investigation."_

* * *

That's right, Kevin is missing, so the heroes go and try to find him.

* * *

_They began walking at a fast pace through the small forest… it was a bit quiet, it was really quiet and somehow scary, but they still had to go forward. As they were walking, Ash saw three pokéballs, alongside a fainted pikachu and a riolu. They were in a really bad condition and they started wondering about how they ended up like that in the middle of the woods. _

* * *

So, it seems as Team Rocket has kidnapped Kevin and Buizel!

* * *

_-The Pokéball is broken. – Brock showed the Pokéball to Ash, it had some cables inside, Ash wanted to see more of it but Brock took it away._

_-That's the Pokéball with Kevin's buizel. Is that bad? – Ash asked._

_-Let's say, that Buizel is still inside the Pokéball, then he might be in serious trouble. – Brock said while looking at Ash._

* * *

Wait, so Team Rocket didn't steal the Buizel? Did they kidnap Kevin? Why would they do that for?

So, our heroes take the injured Pokemon to the nearest Pokemon Center.

* * *

_Everyone entered a room that had many scientists working on some Pokéballs already, there were big machines as well working in, apparently, analyzing Pokéballs._

_-Hello everyone, we have another damaged Pokéball. – Nurse Joy said as she handed the Pokéball to one of the guys._

_-What!? Another one?! Oh man! – One of the scientists said as he banged his arms on top of the counter ridiculously hitting his skull on the process._

_-Calm down newbie… Nurse Joy, please put this with the other ones, we still haven't finished with the last one we received today.- Another Scientist said, which appeared to be the one in charge in the room._

_-But this is Kevin's Pok…- Nurse Joy was saying when she was interrupted by the scientist that banged his head with the counter._

_-REALLY?! I'm a big fan! Did you finally find him?! – The guy asked._

* * *

What, is this a failed attempt at a humorous scene? And this guy is a scientist! What scientist acts like a fangirl? Is it because he's a newbie? I'm a newbie in the Swords of Justice! I don't bang my head on hard objects! I don't act like a fangirl! I'm not lazy! I don't go over the top out of every stupid thing! What is this filler!?

So, the Pokeball is fixed by the scientists.

* * *

_The man turned on the scanner and it began processing immediately:_

_"Scanning…_

_…_

_…analyzing Pokémon…_

_…_

_…_

_… Pokémon corrupted or not on national list…_

* * *

Huh?

* * *

_…[Input Pokémon] Buizel…_

_…Scanning [Safe]…_

_…use % value mapping mode? [Yes]_

_…_

_Scan complete:_

_Pokémon: Buizel [typed in]_

* * *

What the-?

* * *

_Type: Wa?¡r_

_Attacks: Son?c B_$m – Aqua J?t – W?t#r ?un – Hyper beam_

_Stats:_

_H ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||_

_P ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||_

_S |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||_

_A |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||_

_L |||||||||||||||||||||_

_CCI_

* * *

What is this-?

* * *

_AGCTGACT%GCACAGCT/GA_ACTG"ATAG°TGT¿GACTCATA?AG¿ACGTGAT¡GACT$ATGAT?¡GATCGATCAGC?CGTC{GTCAGTC!GTCAGTCA*TCAGTT_

_Other objects detected:_

_-Everstone_

_-Unknown_

_Scan end]"_

* * *

WHAT THE HECK?

* * *

_-Okay, see those strange letters and signs that appear?_

* * *

Well, seeing as they take up half the chapter, of course I did. I think the real question here is "do you care about these strange letters and signs that appear?"

NO! I don't care about all this! The Pokeball's damaged. Buizel's DNA is messed up. Come back later and we'll fix it! Look, FanFic 101 Sukkotto. Science should move at the _speed of plot._ I know this science stuff is important, but you don't have to show all of this crazy stuff when you could just have the scientist guy _explain_ it to us with words. I mean, this is interesting, but, come on!

Look, I'll be right back. I need a Darumaka box lunch. Now.

**We'll be right back!**

**_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._**


	3. Commercial 1

Professor Juniper smiles and waves.

"Hi there! Do you want to be a Pokemon scientist? Well, guess what! You can be one! Today!"

* * *

_Just come on over to your local Pokemon Center!_

A young man walked in a Pokemon Center and said with a smile, "I wanna be a scientist!"

_Tell Nurse Joy about yourself!_

"I'm lazy, impatient, annoying, easily angered, and a total fan boy!" the guy said.

"Perfect! I'm gonna call you 'Newbie,'" Nurse Joy said with a smile.

_Then you can go right into the Pokemon Center Lab!_

"Now, sit here in front of this screen and stare at it!" Nurse Joy said.

"Cool!" the guy said.

_Then you can do awesome things with Pokeballs!_

__"I've got some Pokeballs for you to fix!" Nurse Joy said.

"Okay!" Newbie said.

Nurse Joy then set down a huge box of broken Pokeballs in front of Newbie Scientist.

"Crud," he said, and he banged his head on the counter.

_You'll be taught expertly by an expert in the field!_

"Just plug the Pokeball in here and just type stuff in with this keyboard until it opens!" Nurse Joy said.

"Okay!" Newbie said as he began typing.

* * *

Professor Juniper smiled and said, "So, that's all there is to it! So, come down to your nearest Pokemon Center, and start doing some good science!"

In the background, a voice said, "What's this button do-"

_**BOOOOM!**_

Professor Juniper kept smiling, but her eye twitched slightly.


	4. Kevin and Buizel- Chapters 4 to 7

**Keldeo The Critic- Kevin and Buizel by SukkottoDeragon**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

Okay, so after the Pokeball is fixed, Ash lets Buizel out.

* * *

_-I'm sorry Buizel, ummm, Kevin isn't here right now… - Ash said as he kneeled towards him, Buizel's eyes opened wide as he heard Ash._

_-Bui?! … bui! Buii bui buu bui…. Bui! – Buizel said as he waved his arms at Ash, it seemed like he was arguing. –Bu… bui? - Bizel said._

_-Calm down Buizel, we will find Kevin, I promise… - Ash said to Buizel._

_-Bui… bu? - Buizel asked._

_Suddenly Pikachu jumped from Ash's back to surprise Buizel in a friendly way, and apparently that wasn't a good idea because Buizel got scared letting go a really strong "Bui" and fainted really fast, Buizel fell in the floor completely passed out…_

_-Aww, Pikachu… you scared him! – Dawn said._

* * *

What the-? How does a Pokemon just faint like that?

So, Ash decides to take care of Kevin's Pokemon until they find them. While Ash sends his Buizel to have a little heart to heart with Kevin's Buizel, Ash decides to. . .

* * *

_-Hmm, okay let's go! – Ash said while he threw the two Pokéballs containing Kevin's Riolu and Pikachu. When they were both released the two Pokémon realized that it wasn't Kevin who brought them out, but that trainer from the other day, Ash explained to them about what happened to Kevin, they seem a bit worried but Ash assured them both that they were going to find him, no matter what. The two were happy of course, they even hugged Ash. Then Ash explained that he wanted to train them while Kevin wasn't there, even if Kevin's Pikachu didn't want to, Riolu was quite excited about the training._

_ Riolu jumped with happiness lifting his arms to the air._

_-Well done Riolu! – Ash said._

_Suddenly, Riolu started to glow and his shape begun to change, he got was getting taller, his "ears" started to grow bigger, until he was tall enough of the size of a fourteen year old kid the glowing stopped, Riolu evolved into a Lucario!_

* * *

You're telling me, a Pokemon, devoted to it's trainer, who is currently missing, possibly in mortal peril, is willing to train _happily_ with another trainer, and is soooo happy, that he evolves?

* * *

_Suddenly Ash's Buizel came towards Ash and hid behind him as Kevin's Buizel came running as well, apparently he was chasing him, but something was out of place, Ash's buizel seemed to be really scared at him for some reason._

_-Buizel maybe you are tired, get a rest. – Ash said to his Buizel while he returned him to his Pokéball. – Hey Buizel, umm, do you want me to train ya' a bit? - Ash asked Buizel._

_-Bui! Bui… bu bui! buu bui!- Buizel said with a bit of desesperation in his tone._

_-I… will take that as a yes! – Ash said._

_Buizel and Pikachu were on the far sides of the fighting area, Ash was going to make him train his speed a bit more, so he begun giving his first command… but…_

_-Go Buizel! – Ash said, but Buizel didn't even move… - Umm, Buizel? Go, Run, charge? – Ash said ridiculously but Buizel still did not move._

_-Bui bu? - Buizel said while looking at Ash._

_–Umm, Okay, maybe we can train your dodging skills up a bit! Ok Pikachu! Use Thunderbolt! – Ash said, Pikachu jumped and attacked with his thunderbolt, it was going directly to Buizel, and Buizel could actually see the thunder bolt as it was going to hit him. – Buizel, dodge! – Ash said to Buizel, but, Buizel didn't even move. –Buizel! Dodge! – Ash said once again, but he wouldn't move at all._

_Pikachu's Thunderbolt impacted on Buizel hurting him, Buizel couldn't help but to yell a very loud sounding "Bui!" when the attack finished, Buizel sat on the floor._

_-Buizel… - Ash said while approaching him. – What's the matter with you? – Ash asked him but when he saw his face, he couldn't stop looking on how he began to cry. – Buizel… - Ash said almost in a guilty way. Ash certainly didn't understand, "Kevin's Buizel was pretty good at fighting, but why didn't he even dodge the attack?" he thought as he saw Buizel crying louder than ever as he covered his face with his arm._

* * *

(Keldeo suddenly becomes shocked and completely caught off guard by this)

Wait. A. Minute.

. . .

(Keldeo looks really pissed off)

They were both knocked out by some villain, their Buizel friend is still passed out and unconscious, their trainer is missing, they're actually happy enough to give some other trainer a hug, and on top that, you make the conclusion that such a Pokemon would be willing to train with a strange trainer, to the point that he evolves? And then, Ash, the kindest Pokemon Trainer in the show, the Trainer who saved Chimchar from Paul and gave him compassion, forces a Buizel who clearly misses his trainer to battle, while interpreting a cry of _desperation_ for a "yes," and then fires an Electrical Attack, which is _super effective _to a Water type like them, and then says "what's the matter with you" after he gets hit by that _super effective_ move?

I'm sorry, but, I don't mess around with this stuff. Trainers have dedicated themselves to their Pokemon, trainers have sacrificed, trainers who have formed bonds with their Pokemon, trainers who do everything to make their Pokemon strong; and you wrote this FanFic in an attempt to show that, and yet you only seem to do it for that Buizel, but just go "the heck with Riolu and Pikachu!" And then you have Ash being mean just to show how heart broken Buizel is about the missing Kevin.

Look, depression over the loss of a loved one is a real problem that some people have! And Pokemon and animal cruelty is a serious problem in both the Anime world and Real World that affects and hurts a lot of people. That's why when you're writing a FanFic about such an important controversial concept of the Pokemon Fan Base and Cannon and Fannon universes, and you have a Pokemon who's evolution depends on happiness and friendship, you have to do two things!

One: You have to take a solid stand throughout the entire story on what a good Pokemon Trainer would bring about in his Pokemon while maintaining good trainer as good trainers.

Two: You have to represent the good Trainers and their Pokemon as best as humanly possible!

Okay, luckily there are things that help this.

* * *

_(Do you want to put a nickname to your recently evolved Lucario?)_

_-Uhhh, this is bad… - Ash said while he was shocked and a bit happy for Riol…Lucario's evolution. – Lucario return! – Ash pointed the Pokéball at Lucario emitting it's red beam, when it made contact with Lucario he turned the same color of the reddish beam that "sucked" him towards the Pokéball. –Oh, Kevin is going to be mad… maybe he didn't want him to evolve. – Ash said to himself._

* * *

It's funny how he puts in the nickname after evolve thing, although it makes no sense whatsoever in the Anime universe. Also, I'm glad Ash feels bad about evolving Riolu.

* * *

_-Ash. – Brock said to get his attention. – You have to think that most Pokémon feel differently depending on the trainer they are with, Buizel lost a very good friend of his, I don't think he is really up to fighting, in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he got depressed later on… - Brock explained as he patted the Buizel, Buizel looked at Brock for a moment but then he pushed his hand away and kept on crying. – Well, maybe it's time to eat something! – Brock concluded. – Maybe my food will make this little Buizel happy! - Brock said._

* * *

Thank you Brock!

What's weird is that all the Pokemon get riled up by Kevin's Buizel for some reason. Why? We don't know.

Yet.

And so, guess what Ash does next? He decides to read Kevin's journal!

WOW! Ash is on a roll! A roll of being a jerk!

I hope Ash doesn't come across Iris' journal. . .

_Cilan: I wonder why Ash is over-there throwing up?_

_Iris: I don't know. . _

_Ash: Uggh! you have a sick mind, Iris!_

_Iris: (Gasp!) You read the dreams I wrote in my journal!_

_Ash: I think you're in love with me too much! Urrrrk!_

* * *

_-Ash, I don't think it's okay do go through someone else's journal… but considering what's happening, it might be the right thing, I'm sure Kevin will understand.- Brock said…_

* * *

NO! NO! You blew it Brock! You. Blew. It.

(Keldeo sighs and holds his head for a moment. Then, he holds his head up and smiles.)

Do you know why I'm smiling despite all of this? Because these next three chapters, which are made up of Kevin's journal entries, are the best parts of the story. It is really clever to show the development of characters as well as the growth of a friendship. Sure, some entries are a little mundane and annoying but this is someones journal. They'll be all kinds of entries in it.

First of all, I love how honest Kevin is in his journal and how sarcastic he is. That's hilarious.

Well, we get how he met Buizel, how he found him wounded on the shore.

* * *

_Day 1: The meeting_

_I got up early to go to the sea shore! Ah! The amasing sea shore! There are just so many good sounds that I like to listen out here! Good to feel away from my family again I like to sleep a lot in this place to finnally rest from all that training…_

_But, this particular day, I heard a sound of pain… it was coming from below, when I saw right below the peak of the sea shore (it was really deep) I saw an orange Pokémon lying in the rocks… I simply couldn't leave a Pokémon in that condition… I went down to rescue him I took him to my tent and I tried cleaning up those bruises I tied them up ripping my red shirt off…_

_I didn't know the Pokémon's name tho_

_I kinda played the guitar a bit, and it was there where he woke up_

_The Pokémon got up and left from the tent it was really weird but whatever_

_I'm happy I saved someones life after all_

_Day 3: Back to home_

_I packed my stuff and left from the wood early to get at home at 11:00_

_I was getting my stuff out when I found that strange Pokémon inside the guitar bag!_

_I didn't know what it was doing there. The only thing he said there was… "bui" or something like that_

_I took him outside and I told him that I couldn't have him in my house and that maybe if he wanted I could see him again in the woods. After that it gave me a hug and left. I wonder what's with him_

* * *

But we also get a whole bunch of other jokes. Though not all of them are funny. Like this one:

* * *

_Day 5_

_Things to buy at the market:_

_-Salt_

_-Sugar_

_-Milk_

_-and more sugar for me!_

_-and most importantly a…"_

_Ash was kind of dumbfounded by reading that._

_-I think we should skip this part…- Ash said while turning the page to day 8._

* * *

(Keldeo looks around nervously)

Okay, what are we to assume that last item was? Should we be worried? Should we be disgusted?_ Should_ I know what it is? I don't know, that joke fell flat!

Another thing is that Kevin writes music in his journal, and the music looks like this:

* * *

_e(-)_

_B(-)_

_G(-4-2-) NOT DONE!_

_D(-2-4-2s4-2-2-0—0h2p0-)_

_A(-2-4-0-2-4-5-4-2-2-)_

_E(-)_

* * *

That's actually pretty cool. Is that how you really type music into a computer, or is it just improvise because you kind type lines of staff and musical notes into a computer? Either way, this is nice.

So, apparently Kevin has no friends, likes it when his parents go on concert trips so he can camp by himself, and is forced to play the sad sounding songs his dad makes him play. Wow, all the ingredients of a rebellious Gary Stu who wants to break free. Also, he was apparently told by his mom that Pokemon are emotionless. . .

Okay, is the woman out of her mind? Is Kevin out of his mind! This is the World of Pokemon! They're all over the place! It's pretty obvious that Pokemon have emotions. Watch a Pokemon battle on TV!

So, Kevin and Buizel hang out for a few days, and it ends with Buizel giving his rescuer an cool birthday present.

* * *

_Day 11: Incredible gift._

_It was my birthday, but my parents will never be on time after all, and in fact no one really knows about my existence luckily the man in the store only recognizes me sometimes._

_I have no friends after all_

_Buizel came by yelling "Bui" as he came from afar._

_He stood beside the tent waiting for me to come out and as I came out Buizel left again, maybe he wanted me to follow him!_

_He took me to this, incredible place... it was a high stone beside the ocean in where you could see the whole sea and hear the most fantastic waves you could ever hear in history, it's was so amazing that I can't think of how to describe it. I can't even believe I have been all night figuring out how to describe it!_

_This is the best gift I have ever received for my birthday! It's such a cool place!_

* * *

So, after 8 months of living a boring life with his parents. . .that's right, he hates this time. Man, how old is this kid? Look, listen up Deragon!

(Keldeo scraped the ground with his hooves angrily)

I lost my parents in the Moor of Icirus! I don't like how you vilify parents and make them look like annoyances that hold kids back from adventure! NO! A parent's love is awesome! It's something I lost and can never get back, so watch it, you jerk! Cause I don't have a family!

(Terrakion walks in and shakes his head)

"No, Keldeo, you have us. And we do care for you. Remember that."

(Keldeo looks up at Terrakion as he places a hoof over the Colt Pokemon's shoulder. Keldeo smiles as he leans against Terrakion.)

Thanks Terrakion.

"You're welcome, Keldeo. See you later." (Terrakion leaves)

Okay, so I guess when your only friend is a Buizel and you can't see him, you start feeling depressed when stuck at home. So after 8 months, Kevin and Buizel reunite. They even make beautiful music together!

(Terrakion rushes back in) "WHAT?!"

AHHH! Not that kind! I mean literally! They're playing the guitar! Honest!

"Oops. . .sorry. . .I'll just. . .go back to training now. . ." (Terrakion leaves again)

Whew! So, back to the story,

* * *

_Day 264: Finally together…_

_I went tot the woods with all my stuff and food of course, I couldn't find Buizel but I played the special song I was making for him, it was the 32003x (which I found out a few days earlier that it was a chord only that I removed a note to make it similar to the waves._

_Buizel approached, and he sat beside me, he actually touched the guitar neck, maybe because he wondered how the guitar was played, but it made a totally new sound, and a really marvelous one!_

_And when I played the special part, he touched the guitar again making a way better sound._

_Here is what resulted:_

_D(-2-2-2-2-2-2-3-3-3-3-3h5p3-2-2-2-2-2h3p2-0-2-2-0 -)_

_A(-3-3-3-3-3h5p3-0-0-0-0-0-3-3-3-3-3-3-3—2h3-3-)_

_It was so amazing…_

_After talking with Buizel a bit, I figured out that he didn't have anyone but me as well, I asked him "I know that you don't have friends around and uhhh, do you have ANYONE to talk to or play with?" And…_

_He pointed at me, I asked him if he had anyone else, and he said "Bu" no… I was the only one that he has spoke with and played with…_

_If I remember well this is what I said later:_

_"Well, this song that WE made is awesome don't you think?" He said "Bui" "I have a question to ask you Buizel…"_

_As he looked at me I said:_

_"Do you want to be my friend too?"_

* * *

I'm really not sure why the chapter ends with To Be Continued at this point. Is this really that suspenseful?

_(Cue Odd Couple Theme)_

_Sitcom Announcer: Uh-oh! What's Buizel gonna do now? Will he agree to be friends with the human he's been following around, hugging, showing cool natural places too, and plays music with? Or will he say no for some. . .obscure reason I can't think of right now. Tune in next time when "The Jak and Daxter Spoof Show" continues._

* * *

_At first his eyes got wider, his mouth opened and he placed his little paws on his mouth to cover it._

* * *

Why is he so dramatic about it? What's so jaw dropping about someone wanting to be your friend. My jaw didn't drop when Ash, Iris, and Cilan agreed to help me, and I was being hunted by Kyurem at the time!

* * *

_"Well, what do you say?"_

_"Bui!" He said as he jumped towards me, I obviously had to catch him and when I did he hugged me, at first I thought about all that time that I was with my family, there were few hugs, and they lasted only seconds._

_But, this hug lasted more than any of those._

_He started to speak in his language, of course I didn't understand a thing but he really seemed happy. His hugs were tighter as he kept speaking, that was something I've never felt in my life, feeling that someone actually cared for you, actually, I think that nobody ever did care for me, but him._

_Isn't that strange?_

_A Pokémon had way more humanity than any of the humans I have met myself…_

_I think the meaning of the word humanity has changed for me, forever_

* * *

So after the two play for a couple of days, Kevin has to go home. However, Buizel doesn't want to let his new friend go, and decides to hide in Kevin's bag and go home with him.

* * *

_Day 268: oh no…_

_Today something was poking my nose… It was buiz…_

_What is Buizel doing here!? I thought…_

_Apparently he hid in my back pack and apparently he was the one who ate dad's cereal, oh he is going to be so pissed._

_I told him to leave otherwise my parents where going to get him for sure, so he jumped from the window and then in a little lake that was just beside our house._

_Day 374:_

_It was going to be my birthday, and my parents had to go to a concert and leave me alone again, but my dad gave me a little box with something inside._

_He said that I should not open it until it was my birthday and they even said that they loved me._

_Even if my parents weren't there for me all the time I liked them to only say that they loved me._

* * *

Uh, is there something wrong with his parents? Are they. . .bad parents? Inattentive? Standoffish? Uggh, can we just get to the evil abusive trainer?

* * *

_Day 375: The horror_

_The other day when I decided to go to the wood I couldn't find Buizel easily…_

_Then I found him on the floor hurt, and in front of him, was a trainer, he was using a strange Pokémon that I couldn't recognize it was a medium sized red lizard and it had it's tail on fire. That isn't really a pokémon I have seen in this region. I told him to let my friend alone…_

_He said that if the pokémon was mine than he would dare to battle me, but I was dumb enough to actually tell him I was not a trainer… then he ordered his pokemon to use "flamethrower" at Buizel._

_I ran towards the attack so that it could hit me. I tried to block it, but Buizel threw water at that attack and it was stopped. I looked at Buizel at how hurt he was, but, he still smiled at me._

_"Leave my friend alone!" I yelled, but the trainer insisted that he wanted to capture Buizel because he was collecting Pokémon. As he threw the "Pokeball" thing I threw it away by hitting it with my arm, the pokéball fell into the lake._

_"Whatever, that Buizel is too weak, I'll buy another one and capture that weakling in a minute." He said._

* * *

So, he only had one Pokeball? O-kay. . .

So, Kevin takes Buizel to the Pokemon Center, but he can't afford- POKEMON CENTERS ARE FREE!

WATCH THE SHOW! PLAY THE GAMES! READ THE MANGA!

(Keldeo pressed his hooves against the sides of his head, and then sprays water on his face with his Aqua Jet hooves. He shakes the water off and then sighs)

Okay, so Kevin pays the bill by collecting money by playing his guitar. And, awww, the song he plays was the one that he and Buizel made together, and it's called "True Friends of Mine."

*Sniff* okay, that was sweet.

So, Kevin's birthday arrives, and he gets a Pokeball! After explaining how this will keep the EVIL abusive trainer from catching him, Buizel jumps right into it and is now Kevin's Pokemon. Also, Kevin's parents found out about the song he played at the Pokemon Center and his dad apparently now lets Kevin play whatever he wants. So Kevin and Buizel do some training so that they can face Gym Leader Roark.

And then we get the weirdest scene you will ever see.

* * *

_Day 92: Best Christmas ever_

_Today was maybe the best Christmas I have ever had in my whole life. Even if my parents had to leave early though, they let me stay with Buizel in home and they left us gifts._

_Dad got me a badge case… Awesome! And dad bought Buizel some berries… berries that he ate in a flash._

_Mom however gave me something incredibly peculiar… a Buizel plushie… it is actually really cute. Mom gave Buizel something yet more peculiar, a me plushie…_

_Even if that was just plain weird, I think it's a really neat gift._

_Day 134:_

_Just a note: Buizel can't sleep without his plushie, that is just so cute._

* * *

That is not cute. That's freakin freaky! And creepy! I mean, it's a human plushie! And it looks like Kevin? Where did that woman get that? Who even makes those? Uggh! Where's that evil abusive trainer?!

* * *

_Day 234: An old enemy and an unexpected attack._

_I saw that lousy trainer from the "incident" in the woods. He threw the Pokéball at Buizel but it didn't really capture him because I already had him Ha!_

_He dared me to a Pokémon battle and of course, I accepted. He chose a Pikachu, but he had his ear and tail cut! I couldn't believe that. I asked him what happened to that Pikachu, he said that he grabbed a scissor and "Gave him some style" That made me so mad._

_In the fight his Pikachu was winning but when I told him to use Sonic Boom it actually worked and gave that Pikachu a direct hit!_

_He was about to win though, and something really unexpected happened, Pikachu jumped over Buizel to use thunder bolt, I told him to use Water gun but that it had to be really powerful._

_"Buizel c'mon use all your strength!"_

_And an orange ball started to charge in his mouth and it fired some sort of laser!_

_It was such a powerful attack that it knocked Pikachu immediately! I simply couldn't believe it!_

_The jerk threw a Pokéball beside Pikachu and he just abandoned him there while he left he said that "He was useless" I couldn't believe him…_

_I took the Pikachu with me and to the Pokémon centre._

* * *

And thus we have the origin of Buizel's Hyper Beam and the Pikachu. And apparently Pokemon Centers are free now!

So, after listening to Kevin's music.

_Kevin nodded "Strum Strum-strum-strum-strum Struuuuuuum." His friends Buizel kept time "Strum Strum-strum-strum-strum Struuuuuuuum."_

And getting talked to by Buizel, the Pikachu gives Kevin a hug, which is Buizel Code for, "I wanna be your friend." And so, Kevin now has two Pokemon on his team.

(Keldeo sighs)

This next chapter. . ."Final Pages: Bonding." This is what kinda catches readers of guard. But if you lay your suspicions aside. . .it's completely innocent, cute, and adorable There is nothing wrong with what happens next.

Okay.

Here we go.

So the mother who used to say Pokemon had no feelings is now urging, or should I say,_ forcing _Kevin to take a bath with Buizel. . .which isn't _worng_ per say. It's weird, yeah, but not wrong.

So, Buizel ends up snuggling with Kevin in the tub, and, get this, they actually shampoo each other.

Smart Buizel.

* * *

_good thing I got out quickly, I was going to smell like a Buizel if I didn't… but for some reason, the idea of smelling like my friend here, was quite an interesting thought._

* * *

Wow. .. this kid has got to get out more, and meet people. Human people. Look, I like Pokemon! I am a Pokemon! But this kid. . .if he doesn't turn into a Pokemon by the end of this. .

So, it turns out the mom has a book about bonding with Pokemon that she used to bond with a Totodile she had, and is now passing it on to Kevin. But she said Pokemon didn't have feelings two chapters ago! What is wrong with this picture?

* * *

_Day 306: Spent all day reading the book._

_Chapter 1: Knowing your Pokémon (check)_

_Chapter 2: Be his friend (check)_

_Chapter 3: play together (check)_

_Wow, most of these are actually stuff I have been doing ever since I met Buizel…_

_Chapter 4: Training for the first time (check)_

_Chapter 5: Finding new ways of training (check again)_

_Chapter 6: Getting closer to your Pokémon (check)_

_Chapter 7: speaking to your Pokémon (check, who writes this? Oh yeah, old book)_

_Chapter 8: Getting a little more closer to your Pokémon (check, last thing that it said was at least bath with your pokémon)_

_Chapter 9: Figuring out what your Pokémon likes. (Start by tomorrow)_

_And the last chapter was called "Bonding" it was a strange title, but, mom told me most trainers don't get to that point… but I'm pretty sure I won't get that far._

_I suppose I will have to find what he likes now, it's gonna be easy! (I hope)_

* * *

So, after some more playing between Kevin and Buizel, and a successful gym battle against Roark, we get to the infamous Day 204.

Oh boy.

(Keldeo rubs his eyes, sighs, and smiles.)

So, like Ash's Pikachu, Buizel hates being in Pokeballs. It's cold outside, so Kevin decides to share his sleeping bag with Buizel.

That's. . .not too bad.

But then. . .well, just watch.

* * *

_It felt kind of, comfortable actually, I always sleep without a shirt so… his fur felt strange but it got this stunning and soft texture that I really liked. We slept like that for a couple of hours but Buizel moved a bit and woke me up… it was still raining, he probably wanted to be alone so I took my arm away._

_Buizel then turned towards me almost on top of my chest hugging me with his both arms, he simply Buiied, obviously I couldn't understand but, the tone he gave away was very soft. He was obviously awake._

_His fur felt warmer and warmer over time and his hugging felt ever more tighter, I realized it then, he really liked me as a friend, ever since I saved him near the ocean, he has always tried to be near me no matter what, since the day I told him if he wanted to be my friend, that is the real reason he won't enter his Pokéball, not because it's not confortable, he wants to be with me all time. That made me feel kind of important to him. In that moment I was damn sure that he… loved… me._

_I couldn't help to follow my heart and hug him with my both arms as well, a very tight hug to make him know that I actually love him too._

* * *

(Keldeo stomps his hooves angrily)

I know the word love is used a lot here, but you know what? There are different kinds of love! This is brotherly love! Nothing romantic here! In fact, read this:

* * *

_Personally, I have never thought that I would go as far as loving a Pokémon as a really good friend, but then again, Buizel is the only friend I have, the only family I got at the moment, the first one who cherished my melodies, the first one who saved my life, he has been there for me all this time._

* * *

See! It's just the love of friendship!

But, I guess people kinda go crazy when the licking scene happens.

Yeah, Buizel licks Kevin on the forehead, _and Kevin licks him back._

Look, a lick is not the same as kiss. End of story. It's just a Pokemon behavior of bonding. Nothing wrong here. Sure, it's kinda creepy that a human would lick a Pokemon like this, but, hey! They're best buddies! I think this is beautiful!

And I must say, there is a lot of passion in this part of the story. I couldn't do it justice by explaining it, so why don't you check it out for yourself.

Well, this seems like a good spot to take a break. I'll be back soon, but first I'll leave you with a quote from the story:

* * *

_Wouldn't have you imagined that your best friend could be your own Pokémon? Why not? There is nothing wrong to it! You shouldn't care for what others could say about what you share, I hope to tell future friends what I experimented when the time is right to not be considered a freak to the "normal" population._

* * *

**We'll be right back!**

**_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._**


	5. Comedy Skit 1

_**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**_

_**Kevin and Buizel!**_

_**vs.**_

_**Jak and Daxter!**_

_**BEGIN!**_

**Kevin and Buizel:**

_Both_: We're the best of the best! The closest friends ever!

_Both_: We don't wanna cause trouble, but you spread terror!

_Buizel_: (Could you put down those guns for a second?)

_Kevin_: Yeah, just stop.

_Buizel_: (You guys are so violent!)

_Kevin_: Someone call a cop!

_Buizel_: (I'm not flirtatious or horny, unlike you, Dax!)

_Kevin_: You're not even the same species, take that!

_Buizel_: (Friendship would be fine, more romance brings bestiality.)

_Kevin_: Just pray that you'll get changed back eventually!

**Jak and Daxter:**

_Jak_: My name is Jak.

_Daxter_: And mine's Daxter Poke-bawl-ers!

_Jak_: Why don't you go back into your sleeping bag and make out with each other!

_Daxter_: Look at these two! There lives must be horrible!

_Jak_: An antisocial teen!

_Daxter_: And a double tailed Ottsel!

_Jak_: You say you guys are the perfect team?

_Daxter_: Sheesh!

_Jak:_ Buizel does all the work while you sit back and daydream!

_Daxter:_ You guys should eat something, man, you both are so skinny!

_Jak: _You got seven bits of metal,

_Daxter: _But saved a whole city!

**Kevin and Buizel:**

_Buizel_: (We don't need to fight.)

_Kevin_: We're way too bright.

_Buizel_: (And when we do, we don't need guns!)

_Both_: That's right!

_Kevin: _We'll be pushing all your buttons like we're the controller.

_Buizel: _(Conquer every level of your,)

_Both: _Lame platformer!

_Kevin: _You got a lot of fame from the Dark Maker's strife.

_Buizel: _(Get a comment ready Daxter)

_Both: _Cause Jak's gonna loose a life!

**Jak and Daxter:**

_Jak: _We're firing up Tess' gun!

_Daxter: _Made to order!

_Jak: _We'll melt up your badges and use them to make mortars.

_Both: _KAPOW!

_Daxter:_ And Tess is like me now, ha!

_Jak: _Blow up into pieces like we did to Erol!

(Jak grabs a Precursor Orb and Daxter does his victory moves)

_Both: _You'll get pummeled!

_Both: _Well stuff both down into the Spider Cave tunnels!

_Daxter: _We've launched Super Effective rhymes since we started this song!

_Jak: _Sorry guys, but clearly,

_Both: _Our team is too strong!

_**WHO WON?**_

_**YOU DECIDE!**_

_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-PIC**_** RAP** Battles of History. . .


	6. Kevin and Buizel- Chapters 7 to 11

**Keldeo The Critic- Kevin and Buizel by SukkottoDeragon**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

Okay, so we get some more info in the last couple of pages of the journal. Riolu came along to join Kevin and company after hearing Kevin's music.

_Teenage human "Strum Strum-strum-strum-strum Struuuuuuuuum" I am a poor Riolu "Strum Strum-strum-strum-strum Struuuuuuuuum."_

Also, it turns out the mom, who said Pokemon had no emotions, wrote the Pokemon bonding book!

Okay, you know what, Sukkotto must have made a mistake when he wrote that his mom said that.

And guess what? It turns out the book is banned! Even in its own universe people are offended! How many times do I have to say this? It's not bestiality! It's not romantic love! It's Platonic love! There's nothing wrong with this at all!

And so, Ash finishes reading the journal, with no clue at all how to find Kevin! All he did was delve into someone else's inner thoughts, what a rip off!

_GLaDOS: Sarcasm sphere self-_

SHUT UP! And you know what? I'm not gonna be sarcastic about this! I'm a Sword of Justice for Arceus' sake! So, NO!

(Keldeo uses Sacred Sword to create the word "NO" in big letters out of the sword's glowing beam energy)

NOOOOOOOOO! You don't read someone else' journal! That's wrong! It's dishonorable! It's _unjust! _I mean, did you honesty think Kevin would write about being kidnapped in his journal? I mean, what did you think happened?

_Dear Journal, _

_I think I'll get kidnapped today, so I'll write where I'll be taken to just in case._

Or maybe. . .

_"Hey kidnappers! Can I write in my journal where you're taking me so someone else can find it and bring the police to your hide out and arrest you?" Kevin asked._

_"Sure," the kidnapper said._

_"Thanks."_

Oh my gosh. . .

Well, the next morning,

* * *

_The next day Ash woke up for breakfast, of course his stomach always wakes him up because food calls for Ash! But he woke up to a terrible event. Kevin's Pokéball, Pokémon and guitar bag were all gone!_

_They looked everywhere for them, in the woods, near the small pond and even back at Sunnyshore, but, nothing._

_Dawn told Ash that it was going to be okay, they could actually try to trace his Pokéball, but he told Dawn that he re-registered all the 4 Pokéball he had to Kevin… tracing was going to be impossible._

_After looking for a while longer back where they started they found a piece of paper Ash's backpack, the same one that the doctor handed him yesterday and it said._

_"Don't worry about anything Ash, thanks for the help anyway." Written with a really bad calligraphy._

_Was everything actually ok?_

_**To be continued…**_

* * *

Now, that's a cliff hanger!

But, wait, Pokemon can write? How is that possible?

So, in the next short chapter, we actually go to the Pokemon's point of view, which is awesome! I love stories that are told from the Pokemon's point of view! Who doesn't like talking Pokemon!

* * *

_-Heh, That Ash trained me so well, he is a great trainer. Do you think Kevin could have done the same? Speaking of which, where is our master? Ash let me worried by telling me that he was lost, you must know! After all we did get knocked out from behind. - Lucario said to Buizel._

_-I have been wondering the same thing. I am really worried that our master is in danger! - Pikachu said with a sad look and in a concerned tone._

* * *

Oh, _now_ you're worried?

* * *

_-No time to explain, we have to leave guys! Grab everything, we have to leave before they wake up! - Buizel said as he packed the Pokeballs as he was still crying for his friend._

_-Why? These humans are willing to help find our master. - Pikachu said._

_-It is not the smartest thing to do Buizel… are you sure you want to do this, he is your loving friend after all…- Lucario said, Buizel nodded as he did his best to fold the sleeping bag._

* * *

Heck yeah, it's a dumb thing to do! How many times has Terrakion told me?

_"Keldeo! If you are in trouble, if you are lost, if you are among friends in a strange place; DO NOT LEAVE THE AREA OF SAFETY!"_

And this Buizel broke that number one rule of being lost. THINK!

* * *

_Lucario walked with the guitar bag in his back, it was a bit heavy but he could do it alright, Buizel was on Lucario's shoulder while Pikachu walked alone._

_-Those humans will sure be very afraid when they get up, are you sure they won't look for us? - Lucario asked._

_-I left a note behind *sniff* they won't follow us. - Buizel responded._

_-You know how to write… in human? – Lucario asked with surprise_

_-I know to write and to play music too *sniff* I was thought when I was little! - Buizel said._

* * *

(Keldeo looks a little afraid)

Oh no. No no no no no. . .it couldn't be that. I mean, he wouldn't. I mean, come on, Sukkotto wouldn't do anything that impossible.

* * *

_-Well, back to subject. Knowing how humans react to everything, they will never give up. They will be concerned about us right Alex? - Lucario asked when he looked at Pikachu but he didn't respond. – So tell us, what happened to our master? - Lucario asked to Buizel which seemed to have a confused face, he was still crying._

_- *sniff* It was that stupid trainer from years ago, why did he have to be so obsessive for capturing powerful Pokémon? - Buizel said with anger as he growled._

_-Wait, my old master? What did he do to our master?! – Pikachu asked._

_-No time Alex! *sniff* Lucario, we have to find a cave, I will explain everything there… *sniff*- Buizel said while he kept on crying._

* * *

So, it seems as if the EVIL abusive has kidnapped Kevin. How did it all go down. Well, in the next chapter, we go back in time to find out!

. . .

I said, we go _back in time_ to find out!

. . .

(Keldeo groans)

Celebi! Wake up! Say the line! Say the-

"Allons-y! There, I said it!"

Thank you.

So, we go back a few days to Kevin and company, and, hey! Guess what? Team Rocket's in this story! Remember?

So, instead of just attacking and stealing the Buizel, Team Rocket ends up making a deal with Kevin to sell Meowth's translating skills so Kevin can talk to his Buizel. After what we read in the journal, this is very important to him, seeing as the two of them are soul mates!

* * *

_-But really now, I have one last thing to offer. - Kevin said as he grabbed his bag for the most beautiful collar they could have seen ever… It was a diamond collar with a single gem in its center. It had a circular shape to it, and the chain that held the gem was made of pure gold._

_After Team rocket analyzed the situation a bit, they actually thought they could trick this kid so that they could pull off more stuff from him._

_-Okay twerp, let's see what else you have! – Jessie said._

_-But, it's a necklace of diamond and gold, I have this soda bottle if you want it too. – Kevin said sarcastically._

_-Is that?! The special edition soda pop cap?! – James said._

_-Uh, I think so... …? – Kevin replied._

_-Close the deal! CLOSE THE DEAL NOW! – James said while shaking Jessie's body back and fourth._

* * *

Okay, that was funny!

* * *

_-Okay twerp, you can let Meowth do… what he does... for two minutes. - Jessie said._

_-15 minutes! –_

_-Five minutes! -_

_-Twelve minutes! –_

_- Ten minutes or nothing… -_

_-Hmm… it's a deal, you know, you guys could actually make a business out of this instead of being clowns all the time. – Kevin said._

* * *

Unfortunately, before Kevin can get a measly 10 minute "he said-he said" conversation which probably would have been awkward and jerky and would have clearly ended with Team Rocket attacking and stealing Buizel, Team Rocket is sent blasting off by the EVIL abusive trainer and his EVIL Charizard.

Oh, yeah, and his name's Adam. Why do we wait so long to find out his name? The story's almost over!

So, after Charizard knocks out all of Kevin's Pokemon with Hyperbeam-

IRONY! (Keldeo moves his face close to the screen)

So, it turns out that while Kevin was talking with Team Rocket, Adam had stolen Buizel's Pokeball and plans on stealing Buizel for himself. Why? Because. . .he's. . .evil? Okay, this guy is like Barney in the Pebbles Cereal commercials. Barney, go to the store! Adam, catch your own Buizel! It's not even that he wants Buizel's Hyper Beam, Adam says over and over that Buizel's weak, so why does he want him?

* * *

_-How does it feel? Your Pokémon is actually weak, how does it feel to lose? LOSER! You might as well abandon him for being so weak, that thing is a waste of your time – Adam said._

_-I don't really care if he is strong or not! That is not why he is valuable to me! – Kevin said as he looked at his Pokémon that was weakly opening his eyes. – He is important to me because I LOVE him! He is my best friend ever! I wouldn't want to see him hurt or abandoned! - Kevin said, really REALLY angry._

_-Haha, it's you who is out of mind here, how could you love a soulless creature, anyway.- Adam said as he pulled out a Pokéball. – This time I have your Pokéball and that Pokémon is coming with me! I don't care if I have to steal it, but that Pokémon was mine in the first place! - Kevin said as he triggered the Pokéball._

_Kevin turned around so that the laser wouldn't hit Buizel and he hugged him, with all his might so that he wouldn't leave him… when suddenly… everything went black to him and lost consciousness…_

_-Oh…My… finally…but… - Adam said, and right there, the Pokéball broke in his handby itself, burning his hand._

* * *

No. . .

No. . .

He wouldn't. . .

He couldn't. . .

* * *

_I came out, finally, I began to open my eyes slowly although the light was too bright though, I covered myself from that light, When I looked in front of me, I saw Ash, he was smiling at me, did he save me from Adam?_

_Let me analyze this a bit… I was with my friend when Adam tried to do the capture thing, we were actually together and then nothing, I was floating in nothingness feeling my friend nearby and…_

_-Hey Buizel! How's it goin'? – Ash said when he placed something around my neck, I'm still a bit sleepy though, I couldn't believe Ash was there, that incredible trainer saved me!_

_-Ash? - I asked him as I tried to get out of the table, I really can't believe he actually saved me._

_As I walked forward, I fell, I am not sure why; I shouldn't fall from such a height. I cursed when I hit the ground strong._

_-What th…- I said while standing up, that must have been just an illusion… I could've sworn that I just, spoke like him at that moment…_

_I rubbed my head to relieve the pain. Then I looked at my hand, it was actually different… I didn't have a hand at all, I had an orange paw, a Buizel paw! But that can't be! How could I have a paw?! Oh my! I have another one too, I actually have a couple of Buizel paws! … I looked around all my body to see that I had all the Buizel attributes, I had a yellow floating sac around my neck, a small body, even a tail too!_

_Could something like this really happen to me?_

_It's no dream, hopefully it isn't, I am having all these sensations around my body… This fantastic feeling…_

_-Yes! Yes! Yeeeees! Finally! – I said as I jumped out of happiness. I can't believe it! I transformed into a Buizel! I have to tell Buizel!_

* * *

Oh my gosh. Kevin got sucked into the Pokeball, and he took over Buizel's body.

Are you kidding me?

(Keldeo suddenly forces a smile)

You know what? This story is so good and suspenseful so far, that I'm gonna go with it.

So, we get to see the whole "take a walk in someone else' shoes" lesson.

* * *

_-No! Ash… I'm Kevin! Not Buizel!- I said out of control._

_-I… will take that as a yes! – Ash said._

_What? How can you take something like that as a yes! I'm so frustrated. He won't understand me at all! Now that I think of it… I wonder if Buizel was frustrated as well when I couldn't understand him…_

_Me and Pikachu were on the far sides of the fighting area, Ash was going to train my speed a bit more for what I could listen, What am I supposed to do? I don't know anything… and I hate fights…_

_-Go Buizel! – Ash said, but I was not sure what to do, go where? - Umm, Buizel? Go, Run, charge? – Ash said ridiculously but I still didn't know what to do, I'm not used to be ordered around._

_-Little help? - Buizel said while looking at Ash._

_–Umm, Okay, maybe we can train your dodging skills up a bit! Ok Pikachu! Use Thunderbolt! – Ash said, Pikachu jumped and attacked me with his thunderbolt, it was coming directly to me, and I could actually see the thunder bolt as it was going to hit me._

* * *

If you could take a picture of Kevin/Buizel's face at this moment, the caption underneath would read:

**_"Oh crap. . ."_**

But, what's this? It seems Kevin is taken back into the darkest memories in Buizel's mind.

* * *

_It was a stormy, a really stormy night for what I could see, I was in the water, is it a flashback from my cruise incident? No… There was no boat around._

_I could hear a voice from afar, two voices actually…_

_-Son!? Where are you?-_

_-Somebody help!-_

_It was such a scary scene, I couldn't see much and I was drowning… I have… drowning phobia to be honest._

_-Mom! Dad! Help!- I said… I said, I don't know why I said something I don't remember…_

* * *

So, after crying about all those _painful_ battle he put Buizel through, Kevin is finally able to convince the other Pokemon that he is really Kevin. But since they can't speak human, it doesn't really help the situation.

Also, remember the foreshadowing in chapter 1?

* * *

_-What is the matter? - Pikachu asked me, then he saw me not eating a thing. –Kevin, you are going to have to try to eat something, you are a Pokémon now, and we like this food so, go ahead and eat, it IS delicious after all if Brock makes it!- Pikachu said as he kept on eating. I grabbed one of them, approached it to my mou…maw. And bit it and let the taste go through my tongue, such a delicious taste though, and I can't lie to myself… this is way tastier that what he did yesterday! I don't know how much I ate of the Pokémon food but it was so good that I couldn't stop even if I had wished; the taste of the food took over my mind! I finished the bowl up leaving not even a trace of Pokémon food._

* * *

This isn't a surprise, he has Pokemon taste buds now.

So, since Ash's Pikachu is the symbol of the entire Pokemon franchise, we get a scene with him and Kevin.

* * *

_-He will never abandon you. You can be sure of it, I know about these things… me and Ash have always been together in the good and the bad times, in the saddest and the happiest of moments. We are good friends as you are with Buizel, but Buizel seems to really love you a lot. His heart must be broken. He told me how much you loved him as well, and how he wanted to tell you how much he loved you as well. - Pikachu said._

_-He said that?! - I couldn't avoid but to cry out of happiness._

_-You two are two matching pieces in a puzzle. You were totally meant to be together. - He said._

* * *

Again, more eye brow raising. But remember, this is friendship and brotherly love. Nothing romantic. Twilight said she loved her friends at the end of the Season 3 Finale of Friendship is Magic! No one got offended there!

* * *

_-Hey by the way, we are not called by our species name, I doubt your Buizel is called Buizel, it was like I'd call you Human, right? - Pikachu said._

* * *

Ooh! Okay! So we get some names for the Pokemon! Okay, so please, tell us, what's Pikachu's name?

(Keldeo is smiling excitedly. . .but then it fades. . . )

What. . .

Are you kidding me?

We just skip over that plot point? If Pikachu didn't have a name, why did he make this comment?

So, after Kevin finally puts it together that he took over Buizel's body, and that he _might _have killed Buizel's soul, he decides to write the goodbye letter and leave with all his stuff and Lucario and his Pikachu.

* * *

_I don't want to involve people nor Pokémon in this._

* * *

What the- IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT! If you leave, Ash and the others are going to worry! They are going to search for you! What, do you expect them to just go on their merry little way while their new friends are in possible danger? Ash is not like this! Neither are Dawn, Brock, or the Pokemon! They do not leave their friends in the lurch! Remember the Aura Sphere Riolu? Ash risked his life to save him from Hunter J! A ruthless Pokemon Hunter that tried _to kill him!_ I'm pretty sure Ash isn't gonna forget about this any time soon.

So, we then arrive at the funnest part of the story. Kevin/Buizel and Lucario and Kevin's Pikachu. Seriously, these characters, now that they talk and we can see them one on one, have such _wonderful and in depth_ characters! Man, I love these guys!

So, Lucario uses his Aura powers and manages to detect Buizel's soul in a deep stasis inside the body.

* * *

_-Well, let me just check something, I have never tried this but it may work. – Lucario said as he placed his paw in front of me as he began using his "aura" powers. He just stood there, silently. He then removed his paw and smiled._

_-What did you do? - I asked in curiosity._

_- Now that I evolved I can actually sense the aura around me, right? Now, Buizel is safe. He lies in your soul, your souls are like all mixed up together. –Said Lucario as he smiled._

_I couldn't believe what I just listened, it was a similar description from that day, that rainy day. But still I couldn't feel the same approach that I felt back then and that made me sad, but Buizel was alive… but how was he, I couldn't contact him, can I?_

_-Now, I know that Buizel told me about a similar sensation, to say, about what is happening now, but although your spirits ARE together, you might never feel each other because you are living in the same body. – Lucario said._

_-How do you know so much? – I asked him._

_-Well, I was always the smartest little Riolu in my group, hehe, I know a lot about legendary stuff and nature as well… You know Kevin, Buizel is fine, he lives within you and he is in peace, I can tell. I… have always wanted to talk about me to my own trainer… in the end, can we introduce ourselves? Please? As Pokémon we do have names you know. – Lucario said with a begging sound._

* * *

Guess what? We actually do get some names this time! Plus a back-story you could fit on the back of a trading card!

* * *

_-We know, well, I want to present myself first! My name is Cain, I was born as a very smart Riolu, I like oran berries a lot! And I enjoy knowing about stuff more than just relaxing. My family always cared for me, but one day a trainer caught my parents and everyone left me… that was until I met you, your song kind of inspired happiness in my soul once more for a strange reason. – Cain the Lucario said._

_-Wow, that is a bit harsh. - I said, Pokémon sure had more trouble than me._

_-But you were my luminescence to a better life, Kevin. – Cain said._

_-Hey, my turn now! I am a Pikachu as you can see, my name is Alex. When I was a small Pichu, I remember being quite silent and hyperactive, I enjoyed life at its best, that is, when the last trainer came to capture me. I was separated from my family. He then cut off my ear and tail, it hurt just so much… he wanted to change my outside appearance, but he never did care for me. He was the one that named me Alex, I forgot my real name because of how used I had to be with that name. And you know how we met… I like Pecha berries the best. - Alex said, but I didn't want him to be called like that._

_-You are Alex no more, I will name you if you wish Pikachu. – I said._

_-Please do! – He said with excitement._

_-You will be called, Marcus! – I said._

_-I like Marcus, I really like it! – Marcus said. –Thank you mas… Kevin!- he said as he hugged me._

* * *

Wait, so Adam named the Pikachu? Since when? Whatever. Marcus seems better for a Pikachu anyway.

So, it turns out that Marcus is the youngster and comic relief, while Cain is the wise, witty, good humored mentor that acts as the support and voice of reason to the group. Think of a younger, funnier, playful Master Splinter.

So, after. . .they play hide and seek?

Okay, after that, Kevin is depressed again, but Cain is there to comfort him.

* * *

_-I miss Buizel as well Kevin, he was a really fun pokémon.-_

_-I just wish he was here…- I said._

_Silence drew on again, but Lucario gasped, released me for a moment and then he spoke._

_-Wish… That's it!- Cain said aloud as he got up from the sleeping bag and grabbed me. – Hey Kevin, do you know who Jirachi is? – He asked me._

* * *

No. . .

* * *

_-Sure do, he is a Pokémon that makes wishes come true to anyone once every 1000 years. - Cain._

_-Got something wrong Kevin! Jirachi Makes one wish come true every time you want, but only wishes from the bottom of your heart. The thousand year thing is merely a distraction for those stupid hu…- Cain was saying as he looked at me, but I didn't care, many humans where in fact stupid. –Kevin, stand outside in the rain and look at the stars please. - He said as I did._

* * *

No. . .

No, not again! Not a Deus Ex Machina! Please! I'll do your chores! I'll let you draw me on Deviant Art! Just dont-

* * *

_Minutes passed as nothing really happened when suddenly, a small flashing orb came towards me and then from all of the sudden a light flashed from the orb through my sight and left me completely blind._

_…_

_My body feels tickly again, just like before in the pokéball, does that mean…?_

_…_

_Outside again in the cave when it was raining I felt once again different, but it was a familiar different. I saw my hands, and yes, they were hands… I couldn't believe I was human again, and just a little bit further, was Buizel… there he was again! I couldn't believe it!_

_I ran towards him and I hugged him. I missed him so much, I actually kissed his forehead. When he opened his eyes he hugged me and he licked me all over my face. I was very happy, now everything is just like it should be._

_I just wondered how this happened…_

_-Cain made a wish, Kevin. – said a voice that reached my mind, it was not a sound, I could tell immediately that it was telepathic communication. – Cain wished for things to return how they are supposed to be for you and Buizel. – As the voice said this I saw from inside the cave that Cain was sleeping inside the sleeping bag as he looked at me with one eye open, and a smile that he couldn't hide, that was his plan... He is really a great friend._

* * *

That's right! They made a wish to Jirachi; yeah that's right, _Jirachi;_ to bring their lost loved one back to life.

What kind of lesson is this to teach? "if you wish hard enough, people will come back from the dead"? What if they did this elsewhere? Like in "Lucario and the Mystery of Mew"?

_"Oh no. . .Lucario's gone. . ." Ash said softly, staring at where Lucario's body once was before it dissolved away._

_"Don't worry, Twerp!" Meowth said happily, "If you wish hard enough, Lucario will come back from the grave!"_

_Ash nodded, and he bowed his head and closed his eyes, wishing with all his might._

_"I don't see Lucario's body reforming, Twerp," Meowth said, "Go on, wish harder, Twerp. Harder. HARDER!"_

_Ash closed his eyes tightly, clenching his fists even tighter. His nails dug into his hands. Tears were leaking from his eyes. Veins were popping out of his neck. His teeth were clenched and grinding against each other. This went on for a few minutes, until finally Ash let out a gasp and fell over on his side, breathing heavily._

_Meowth shrugged, "Oh well! I guess you weren't wishing hard enough! Either that or Jirachu hates you! That's the world of Pokemon, sucker!"_

But wait, it gets worse! Jirachi, the Legendary Pokemon, actually shows up! In person! So, according to Cain, when we see Jirachi waking up after sleeping 1000 years in "Jirachi the Wish Maker," we are just seeing an elaborate hoax set up to fool the humans?

. . . .Okay!

So, Kevin decides to milk it for all it's worth!

* * *

_-I wish to talk to Buizel! - I said, it would actually seem like I begged for it._

_-Unfortunately, that wish is not acceptable…- Jirachi said, I couldn't believe it!_

_-Why not? What is wrong with my wish?! I just want to understand my best friend in the whole wide world! It is something I wish in the bottom of my heart! - I said._

_-You lie… that is not what you really wish in the bottom of your heart, your wish was fulfilled a long time ago, since then, you haven't had another real wish… - Jirachi said, and I admit it, it's true, I am really happy, I looked at Buizel and I thought of things. So what if I can't understand him? It doesn't really matter, I will try hard and learn by myself if necessary._

_Buizel was standing right there with a smile, then he couldn't avoid to enhance that smile…_

* * *

_Boris Karloff/Dr. Seuss: Then he got an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful, terrible, awful idea!_

So, Buizel has a wish that Jirachi really wants to grant. However, there's something different about Buizel's wish.

* * *

_-What a wish! I like it. - Jirachi said._

_-Huh?-_

_-Buizel in the other hand, has a really good wish, but he really wants to know if you want this wish to be fulfilled, Kevin. – Jirachi said._

_I wondered, why Buizel wanted me to decide if his wish wanted to be fulfilled? That is an obvious yes, he has the right to make his wish without asking me, I don't own him or anything…_

_-What he wished for is that…- jirachi was saying when I interrupted._

_-Of course! Why not? Buizel, anything that you wish I shall accept it, it's your wish, don't let me decide for you. - I said to him._

_-Actually, this wish involves you Kevin. - Jirachi said._

_If it Involved me, Better yet!_

_-It doesn't matter! He must've wished for something good. I know him. - I said with a smile, maybe he wished to talk to me._

_-Alright, this might hurt a little in time Kevin, but I hope you can resist all the painful parts of the process. Wish granted. - Jirachi said as the flash made Jirachi vanish._

_Painful parts? Why pain? I really doubt Buizel would wish something painful for me. Jirachi must be fooling around._

* * *

Well, it's a good thing that Kevin ends up liking what happens next, or else this would be a combination of "be careful what you wish for" and "big mouths are morons."

So, the wish involves Kevn transforming into something.

(Kevin gives a deadpan expression)

What? . . .do you really need help figuring out what he turns into?

Well, what I like about this transformation is that unlike in the Pokeball where it's one, two, three, he's a Buizel now, this transformation is more logical and takes into account how much the body must change and what it must go through. Kevin's bones break, move, and shrink to form the skeleton of a Buizel, his organs have to change, resulting in him being unable to breathe for a moment, and his brain must be "reprogrammed" with Pokemon language. As you can imagine, this is all excruciatingly painful. Luckily, since Kevin wholeheartedly wants to become a Buizel. . .he enjoys the pain?

* * *

_As the transformation went on I had to look at my hands, they were paws now, they stopped hurting… although something was tickling my body, it was really ticklish, that ticklishliness rose up to my arm, I could see what seemed to be a Buizel's tail, my new tail, my tail kept on moving from right to left, it was wagging with no control at all… yes, I admit it… I am enjoying what is happening to me, it is painful, but it feels good._

_My skull kept breaking until I couldn't even feel my face because it was blinded in with pain and a burning feeling, I touched my head and I had a maw… although it still had a bit of skin, the fur was growing slowly, the chills still remained, those exciting feelings grew stronger, I can't describe this… it was a mix of physical pain but spiritual pleasure, I enjoyed is._

* * *

Well. . .okay, whatever floats your flotation sack!

The last part of the transformation is the change from human language to Pokemon language, which allows him to finally understand Buizel.

* * *

_-Bui… Bu bui bui thi bis buing tu buo…- I could, slowly understand him, although the "Bui" sound never changed. –Bi Buish was bot bueant to buarm you… I buink you buow that I bould bever buant you to suffer…- I could finally understand him, I couldn't help but to smile. –I love you Kevin…- Those words echoed my mind, he loves me, he loves me… he really does! I feel… so happy now. - I didn't want you to feel like this... I only had a wish…_

_… now… please sleep… recover.- Buizel said, he then got inside the sleeping bag and he hugged me, right there… all the pain every single burn stopped as soon as he was near me, I closed my eyes there and I hugged my best friend._

* * *

Okay, everyone say it with me. . .

_"Awwwwwwwwwww!"_

They even do it in the story later on. Twice!

So, the next morning, the whole gang is up and talking about what has happened. And what happens next is just incredible. Buizel actually shows the biggest honor and guts of everyone in this FanFic and admits that he may have been a little selfish with his wish and apologizes to Kevin to what he put him through.

(Keldoe becomes misty eyed)

Wow. . .now that's heart. . .

Luckily, as I said, Kevin completely wants this 100 percent!

* * *

_-I really mean it, I really, really loved to have become a Buizel. I defiantly won't miss being a human… and my dream…- I hugged him tight. – My dream has come true already, for what you gave me… thanks for this incredible gift of yours Buizel… I don't know how I will make it up in the future. What I really like about this is…- I was going to say when he talked._

_-The possibility to be able to talk, right? - He asked._

_-No… What I like about this, is the fact that now I can be… like you. - I said with my heart._

_-Aaaawwwww- Marcus and Cain said as they tilted their heads to the side._

* * *

See! I told you they did it!

* * *

_-Now, I will be able not just to understand your language, but to understand your world, I am finally going to be in your world. Thank you so… much!- I cried as I hugged him. – Thank you so much for wishing for me to *sniff* become a Buizel…- I kept on._

_-Kevin I… didn't really wish for that, ya' know…- Buizel said._

* * *

Hm? What's this?

* * *

_-My wish was very different. You see Kevin, I…I… the way I see you, is not a friend, you are more than just a friend to me. - Buizel said._

* * *

Uh-oh. . .

* * *

_-You see, you are more than just a friend, I see you more than my bet friend, and way more than, a soul friend.- He began to blush as he went on.- You are important to me Kevin, ever since you saved me from that spot near your home you were already my best friend, and ever since that night, that stormy but warm night in where, we connected and shared a bond like no other in the whole world…- he began to cry. -… That was the night in where you became the most important pers… well, Pokémon to me. - Buizel said as he kept crying._

_-Wha…? - I was slowly asking to myself._

_-The wish is not complete yet Kevin… and it is up to you to decide. – He approached with that blush on his face, he was quite embarrassed in what he was going to do know._

* * *

Oh my gosh, is he-?

* * *

_– I have only one question to ask you, it is really important my friend. – Buizel kept on._

_-Ask on Buizel…- I said._

_-Would you… - He gulped right there and asked once more._

* * *

NO!

* * *

_ – Kevin… would you be my brother? … Please? _

* * *

(Keldeo smiles and bursts out laughing!)

Ahahahahahaha! I fooled you, didn't I! I told you there's nothing immoral in here, didn't I! There's nothing to worry about! Just innocent, sweet, pure, honest, healthy Philia; or brotherly love!

* * *

_-Hey. - I said, Buizel lifted his head to see me. -Come here and hug me Buizel… my beloved brother.-_

_He was shocked at that moment, he was lost in his mind, probably not believing what he listened too… He smiled and he let out a gasp, he ran towards me and hugged me tight._

_I am honored to be his brother… I really am. Why didn't I told him that myself before? Why didn't I told him that I considered Buizel to be my beloved brother… Why did I waste so much time?!_

_-The wish I had in my heart Kevin, was, that I wished for you to be my brother.- Buizel said, his tears where uncontrollable._

_-Aaaaaaaaaawwwwww! – Cain and Marcus said when they heard Buizel._

_-Group hug! - Cain said as he went up and hugged us._

* * *

And, by golly, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww" certainly does sum this up!

* * *

_-You want to be my brother too Cain?_

* * *

(Keldeo spits out a berry juice he was drinking)

WHAT THE HECK? KEVIN! You kinda took away from it, you know!

* * *

_ he refused the offer, I asked why._

_-Because for us, Kevin, it really won't have that much of a meaning than with you and Buizel, you really are alike, you love each other to death, and now… the both of you are Buizels! You are like the perfect match. - He explained._

* * *

Well said, Cain! It looks like your voice of reason will be needed a lot!

So, we end the story with a few more cute scenes and gags. Kevin keeps tripping over his own tail, Buizel has a thing for huggin him every time he trips, Kevin experiences poffins, Kevin learns he needs lessons on using his flotation sack, and other stuff. But, there is this really weird scene. . .

* * *

_-Kevin, good thing that you are okay… It's Jirachi… if you love what happened to you so much, why do you keep on asking and knowing what happened? Let you life flow with no silly questions invading your mind… and yes… your parents are both human… and Buizels now… teehee… but don't search for solutions that are out of head little kid. Goodbye!- That message came in by telepathy._

* * *

Okay, the stuff Coballion says makes more sense than that! I guess this a way of hinting at far off, obscure sequels.

And so, with an extended. . .lciking scene. . .we end on a hopeful note.

* * *

_Tomorrow, I begin again, tomorrow I shall be born once more, but as a Pokémon!_

_With my brother guiding me the whole way, I wouldn't want it to be any different at all._

_**To be Continued…**_

* * *

And I love that "to be continued." It just reminds us that their adventures have only begun, and will go on for a long time! And thus, we end the Fanfic. Wow! What an experience. This FanFic is. . . .amazing! Phenomenal! Well written. There are problems though. For instance, Deragon uses this system of dialogue with a pair of dashes instead of quotation marks. What does he have against quotation marks? And, of course, there's the whole name thing Pikachu said. And by the way, WHAT'S BUIZEL'S NAME? If you went to the trouble to mention it, and if you gave Lucario and Pikachu names, shouldn't Buizel have one? And also, Riolu and Pikachu should have been a bit more worried about Kevin's "disappearance." And last but not least, Ash and his friends should be out of their minds with worry right about now!

But, other than those things, this Fanfic was really, really good! I could read this over and over again. All you have to do is go in with the right mindset, and you'll be able to appreciate how adorable and innocent this story really is. It's a story about the bond between two brothers as they begin to realize that they are brothers. And I feel that this is masterpiece. It shows how important family bonds truly are.

So, with that, I'm of to train with mum and da- ur! I mean, Virizion and Terra-. . .

(Keldeo thinks for a moment, but then smile and nods reolutely)

You know what, the hay with it! Mum and dad! They're my family and I'm proud of it! And so are they!

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon FanFiction!

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**Credits**

_The Little Drummer Boy_

_Portal_

_Doctor Who_

_Epic Rap Battles of History_

_How The Grinch Stole Christmas_

The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing.

(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)


	7. Pikachu's Girlfriend

**Pikachu's Girlfriend by Father Hulk**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

(Keldeo appears to be upset and very unenthusiastic)

It's me, Keldeo The Critic. I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice.

I am in a very bad mood. Why? Two reasons. One, Melloetta broke up with me. Two, I have to review this stupid fanfic called "Pikachu's Girlfriend."

I know what you're thinking, what could be wrong with Pikachu getting a girlfriend? Well, nothing. But this fanfic just does the stupidest things! That's what the whole thing is. Stupid. So, why don't we just dive right in and get this over with!

* * *

_It's chow time for Ash and his pals, and romance calls Pikachu away. But is it all for the best? RR Plz!_

* * *

What an innocent little summary. . .it's funny how it hides the incompetence this story possess!

So, we start off from Pikachu's point of view.

* * *

_I was hungry. Really hungry. My stomach gurgled as I walked beside Ash towards Goldenrod City. We hadn't eaten anything since the morning, and since it was 4:30 in the afternoon, my system definitely needed more nourishment._

_"Ash!" I cried, "I'm hungry!" Unfortunately, my message came out sounding like my name. Again._

* * *

Wait-wait-wait. . .You're upset by this? That's how it's always been! At the time of this fanfic you've traveled all over Kanto! You'd think you'd be used to the language barrier by now!

And another thing, when does this fanfic take place? Ash is alone, he's not traveling with anyone. He's got his Kanto Pokemon, and Goldenrod City is in Kanto, but where are Brock and Misty? Why is Ash even there! He got the Plain Badge, why is he going back? To eat? To visit? Answer me!

* * *

_"Come on, Pikachu," Ash said, "I can tell you're just as hungry as I am." And so, he hoisted me onto his shoulders and we entered the Goldenrod Department Store and got on the elevator to the food court level._

_"Help you, can I?" said the host when we arrived._

_"I'd like a large booth for me and my Pokemon." Ash told him._

_"Hmm… This way, come." said the host, and he darted off. We tried to follow, and we saw him peeking around the corner. "Come on, come on!" he called. "Good food waits, yes!"_

_He led us to a large corner booth. "Here, you shall sit. Be with you in a moment, the waiter will." And he was gone._

_"All right you guys, chow time!" Ash declared, and with a brilliant flash of white light, all my friends were sitting around the booth._

_"All right, dinner time at last!" cried Charmander._

_"I'm so hungry I could eat a Ponyta!" said Chikorita._

_"I'm getting everything on the menu!" declared Charizard, who had some difficulty sitting at the booth, what with his wings and all. Of course, Ash understood none of this, which was good at times. Having your own language is kind of cool._

_At long last, the waiter appeared with his Mr. Mime. "What can I get you folks tonight?" He asked._

_"Er, maybe Charizard should order first." said Ash._

_"Certainly. I'll get another order pad."_

* * *

What is going on here? Pokemon don't eat with humans? And they don't eat human food either? How come no one watches the show?

Well, luckily, the Point of view changes and we move over to see Team Rocket sitting in the restaurant- oh my gosh, why are criminals sitting in a restaurant? I mean, they attacked a nearby farm! Shouldn't there be wanted posters? And they're wearing big red "R's" on their chests? How could anyone miss that?

* * *

_"Hmm…" Meowth put his chin in his hands. He then spotted a passing Delcatty. "Hey baby, what are you doing Saturday night?" He promptly got hit with her tail._

* * *

_(WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!)_

Aha! I got a sound effect to do it for me this time!

* * *

_Suddenly, a Delibird wandered through the tables and chairs, looking left and right. Over its shoulder was a brown bag with a big, red "R" on it._

_"Hey, little bird, over here!" Jessie called. The Delibird wandered over and held up a piece of paper on which was written "Jessie and James."_

_"That's us."_

_He then pulled something out of the bag… a Poke Ball and a communicator. He handed them to James, and returned the way he came._

_"What do you suppose this is?" James wondered. He pressed the Activate button on the communicator, and a flickering image of Giovanni appeared._

_"I've decided to end one of our biggest issues." He said, cutting right to the chase. "All of your efforts to catch that kid's Pikachu, especially when you could be doing more serious missions, have failed miserably. So… here's a Pikachu for your very own."_

_Jessie gasped._

_"So now maybe you can forget the brat and get on to more important things. This Pikachu's name is Pikette. Take good care of her. See you back at the base. Farewell." The image faded and disappeared._

_After a moment of silence, all three of them broke into huge grins. "WE GOT A PIKACHU! WE GOT A PIKACHU!" Jessie and James hugged each other. "We finally got a Pikachu!"_

_"Let's see it then." Meowth said._

_Jessie slowly pressed the center button of the Poke Ball, and in a flash of light, there stood a Pikachu, slightly shorter than Ash's, and with a pink flower next to her right ear. "PIKACHU!" She looked around at them, and said, "Pikachu PIKAchu Chu!"_

* * *

That's right! Team Rocket has received a female Pikachu, and to tell us she's female, she has a flower in her hair! Yeah, it's not like female Pikachu's have any real natural sexual dimorphisms like, oh, I don't know. . .maybe. . .AN INDENT ON THE TAIL TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A HEART! USE - A - POKEDEX!

So, it seems Pikette really likes Team Rocket. And Meanwhile, back with Pikachu.

* * *

_I have never tasted any better food than what they serve here in Goldenrod. With the plates piled high we began our feast. Charizard wolfed down a plateful at a gulp, and Bulbasaur and Chikorita grabbed their food with their vines and tossed in into their mouths. I noticed that Charmander was slowly breathing fire over his hamburger._

* * *

(Keldeo is shaking with rage as his eyes twitch)

. . . .

Are you kidding me?

You've got Charmander and Charizard?

Don't you now anything?!

Ash's Charmander evolved into Charizard! They can't both be here at the same time! They're the same Pokemon! What are you, a moron?! Don't you have any idea how the show works! How dare you write FanFiction! A fan would not get this stuff wrong!

(Keldeo bangs his head on the ground)

Uggh. . .let's move on, please!

* * *

_"But…" I trailed off before I could finish. For, you see, I had shifted my gaze to my right, and to a few tables over. There, standing upon that table, was a vision of beauty… A gorgeousfemale Pikachu! I didn't even notice whose table she was at… I was mesmerized! I couldn't help but stare. Gradually, Ash's voice cut into my thoughts._

_"…Pikachu? Pikachu!"_

_"What? What is it?" I cried, coming back to my senses._

_"What were you staring at?" Ash asked._

_I turned and pointed to the other table._

_Ash was startled when he saw who was sitting there. "You were staring at Jessie and James?"_

_"No, stupid! Look over THERE!"_

_Ash looked again, and then grinned. "So you're checking out the ladies, huh Pikachu?"_

_I grinned sheepishly, then turned back to gaze at her once again._

_"Well, don't become too interested." Ash said, turning back to his meal. "Any Pokemon that is friends with those two means trouble, so I won't let you near her."_

_"WHAT?" I cried, "You can't be serious!"_

_Ash could tell that I was upset, but said, "It won't do you any good to complain, Pikachu. Team Rocket AND their Pokemon are bad news."_

_My heart split._

* * *

Yeah! Shame on you Ash! Same on you for keeping Pikachu away from evil criminals who repeatedly try to kidnap him!

_Portal Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere self test complete_

Ah. . that sounds better than GLaDOS!

And also, if you spotted criminals from a terrorist organization sitting in a restaurant, shouldn't your first instinct be to call the cops? I mean, what if you saw members of Al Qaeda in McDonald's? Shouldn't you do something? Think Ash! THINK!

So, meanwhile, Pikette is also entranced with Pikachu.

* * *

_"Okay. So, Pikette, in Team Rocket we have three passions: Money, Evil, and… money again! Ha ha ha! You with me so far? Pikette? Pikette!" James had to yell at their new companion, who had seemingly gone into a trance. Then James followed her gaze over to the adjacent table._

_James quickly sat at attention and whispered to the group, "Don't look behind me."_

_Meowth craned his neck to look. James slapped him down. "I SAID don't look. It's the twerp."_

_"What?" Jessie whispered furiously. "What is HE doing here? Is that Pikachu with him?"_

_James looked again. "Yes."_

_Jessie grinned and said, "James, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"_

_"That Martha Stewart is totally not guilty? Totally!"_

* * *

(Keldeo has a stupefied look on his face)

I don't know what's going on! I'm so confused! Who's Martha Stewart? Is she even from Kanto? Or Unova? Who even cares?!

* * *

_Jessie smacked him. "No, nitwit! I'm thinking that we use our Pikachu to lure the twerp's Pikachu over to us, and then we have both of them!"_

_James got an anime happy face. "It's the perfect plan, Jess! Let's do it!"_

_"Okay, Pikette, go make nice with that Pikachu over there and bring him to us!"_

_"Pika pika pika!"_

_"She said she'll do it." Meowth said. Pikette began walking towards Ash's table._

* * *

And so, the temptress comes to Pikachu. . .

* * *

_Suddenly, I looked up, and saw her coming towards me! I rubbed my eyes, and looked again. There she was! I cried out for joy!_

_"My love!" I cried, jumping up._

_"Pikachu!" She called. "Come to me!" She waved and winked._

_I went to dash over to her, but Ash grabbed me around the waist and held on to me. "Oh no you don't! Hey you, other Pikachu, stay away from MY Pikachu!"_

_"I mean no harm to you or your Trainer, sweet Pikachu!" she called out in an angelic voice. "Break free! Break free!"_

_I couldn't help myself. It was like the sirens calling to Odysseus, who was tied to the mast of his ship. Only this time, the bonds could be undone! I thundershocked Ash, and he cried and let go. I was free! I bounded over the seat!_

* * *

Wow. . .that was a pretty good allusion to a very famous Greek epic Poem. . .

(Suddenly, Coballion walks in with a smile and begins speaking)

"Indeed!" Coballion said, still smiling, "The Odyssey, or Greek: Odýsseia, is one of two major ancient Greek epic poems attributed to Homer."

Yeah, I know, and-

"It is, in part, a sequel to the Iliad, the other work ascribed to Homer."

Um, yeah, you had me read it last summer. So-

"The poem is fundamental to the modern Western canon, and is the second oldest extant work of Western literature, the Iliad being the oldest."

Um, Coballion, I'm trying to-

"It is believed to have been composed near the end of the 8th century BC, somewhere in Ionia, the Greek coastal region of Anatolia."

Oh boy. Ignore him.

(Coballion continues to do a Wikipedia-like speech in the background)

So, I have to admit, making this comparison was a clever idea. In fact, that might actually boost my opinion of this Fanfic a bit!

* * *

_Slow Motion/Slow Talking scene!_

* * *

(Keldeo gains a desperate look)

No. . . .

* * *

_ASH: Piiiiiiikachuuuu!_

_CHARIZARD: Gooo get her!_

_ASH: Don't goooo!_

_ME: Piiiikaaa!_

_End Slow Motion scene_

* * *

Okay! You blew it! You blew it! I mean, why would you have a slow motion scene in a FanFic? I mean, if this animated, then it would be funny. But, when you're reading it, there is no speed! Any speed there is comes from the readers mind! I could do the whole thing in slow mo if I wanted to, because I'm the one reading it. This cheesy attempt at humor just shows how lame this story is!

"Many scholars believe that the original poem was composed in an oral tradition by an aoidos, perhaps a rhapsode , and was more likely intended to be heard than read."

And so, Pikachu and Pikette hit of real quick, until they reach Team Rocket's table.

* * *

_ I glared daggers up at Jessie and James and I said, "Touch me and you die!"_

_Pikette giggled. "Oh Pikachu, don't be silly. They're my friends. They won't hurt you."_

_"You don't know them like I do," I warned her. "They're dangerous."_

_"Hey, Pikachu thinks you guys are dangerous!" Meowth told them._

* * *

Well, yeah! And shouldn't Pikachu be suspicious of a Pokemon who works with the EVIL Team Rocket? Well, guess what? He should have!

* * *

_Pikette turned to me with the most beautiful smile on her face. "Ah, Pikachu? I was wondering if you would do something for me, sweetie?"_

_"Anything!" I said, too infatuated to be suspicious._

* * *

Well, thanks for clearing that up! I would never have known!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere self test complete_

* * *

_"She looked down, ran her foot across the floor, looked up and said, "Welll, I'd really love it if you'd get into this Poke Ball for me." She held up a Poke Ball that Meowth had passed her._

_BWEE! BWEE! BWEE! Red flag, red flag! I abhorred Poke Balls, I hated them, I despised them, and I swore to myself I would never ever EVER get into one!_

_"No way! I'm sorry, but no way in heck!" I crossed my arms._

* * *

(Keldeo holds his head in his hooves)

You know, now that we're in the inner depths of Pikachu's psyche, we could've had a very interesting sequence where we discover _why_ Pikachu hates Pokeballs. That would have been really cool. Maybe a quick flash-back. I could've been serious or humorous. Or maybe Pikachu could have just gone out and said why. But nope! we don't even get a Noodle Incident to think about! It's just "I hate Pokeballs" and that's it! It's called details, Father Hulk! Try using them once in a while!

* * *

_Pikette took my hand and gazed into my eyes. "Pleeease? For me, Pikachu?"_

_I found my will weakening. She was just so beautiful… I found it difficult to argue. "Well… well…"_

_She kissed me! The gorgeous thing kissed me! That tore away the last of my resistance. "PUT ME IN IT, BABY!" I screamed, pounding my chest._

_"Good boy!" She cooed in my ear, and pressed the Poke Ball against my head, and I was drawn inside._

* * *

She kissed him? Where? On the cheek? On the lips? On the tail? What kind of kiss was it? How long? Did he kiss back? How did it feel? It was your first kiss! How was it! Explain it describe! GIVE ME SOME DETAILS YOU DUMMY!

* * *

_"That was so easy!" James cried._

_"I know! I know! We're the best!"_

_"Oh, Jessie, I love you!"_

_Jessie seemed confused. "What did you say, James?"_

_"I said, I love you…. Uh, in that shirt! It looks really good on you."_

* * *

The horrible lack of details has blinded me so much that I can't even enjoy the Rocketshipping!

"The Odyssey begins ten years after the end of the ten-year Trojan War (that is the subject of the Iliad), and Odysseus has still not returned home from the war."

* * *

_Suddenly, a huge shadow fell over the table. The pair looked up to see Ash and his whole crew of Pokemon glaring at them._

_"Give… back… my… Pikachu."_

_"Oh, I'm sorry, we can't do that!" Jessie cackled. "You're too late!"_

_"I said, give him back." Ash growled, cracking his knuckles._

_Pikette jumped in between them. "Don't you hurt my trainers!"_

_"And you! I'll take care of you first!"_

_Jessie and James rose to their feet. "Are you sure you want to do that? Are you willing to get into a brawl right here in the restaurant? Because we've got a better Pikachu on our side, and we'll defeat all of you."_

_Ash ignored this comment. "Charizard… handle the femme Pikachu."_

_Obediently, Charizard picked up Pikette in his scaly claw. Pikette summoned down the Thunder and blew Charizard across the room._

_"This is war!" Ash screamed, and the Pokemon went at it._

* * *

So, you'd think an all out brawl between all of those Pokemon would be awesome, right?

NOPE! NOT IN THIS FANFIC!

The battle is not at all described. All we know is that they go at it, but we don't get to see the attacks or techniques being used at all. And wait, it gets worse! Ash actually fights Jessie and James with his bare hands!

WATCH!

THE!

SHOW!

This is like, Yugi and Kaiba are dueling, and suddenly Kaiba just pulls out a guns and shoots him!

People duel with Pokemon in this world! They don't fight anymore!

Thank goodness we're almost at the end.

* * *

_He snatched Pikachu's Poke Ball and threw it down, releasing me into the whole mess!_

_"Pikachu!" Ash cried, "Stop them!"_

_"I can't!" I cried back. "Pikette will get hurt!"_

_"I can't understand you!" Ash called as James roundhoused him. "Just do it!"_

_I ran to Pikette's side. "We have to stop them!" I cried._

_"I know!" She yelled over the noise. "It looks like we have but one choice."_

_We nodded, kissed, held on to each other, and then summoned Thunderbolts on all sides._

_KABOOM!_

_The smoke slowly but surely cleared, and the scene to behold was a sight to see! Everyone was still standing, covered completely in soot. All the Pokemon had been knocked out except us, and Ash and Jessie and James were standing with a look of bewilderment on their faces._

_Finally, James coughed out smoke and said, "Hey, Jess… we're still here. We didn't blast off."_

_"How….shocking!"_

_Everybody burst out laughing._

_**THE END!**_

* * *

(Keldeo stares blankly for a moment, but then suddenly repeatedly uses Secret Sword)

THIS FIC STINKS! THIS FIC STINKS! IT STINKS! IT STINKS! STINK-STINK-STINK!

(The FanFic explodes after being hit with Secret Sword so many times)

This is crazy! In every possible meaning of the word! Nothing about this FanFic makes sense! It's pure nonsense!

* * *

_This story was written by Father Hulk_

_© 2004 PDG Network in association with the St. Eva Church_

* * *

This guy actually has the nerve to put a Copyright on the bottom of this, as if anyone would want to steal this!

This story went nowhere! It had a whole bunch of errors in relation to the canon, it had Charizard and Charmander at the same time, it left us wondering if Pikette was really evil or even really loved Pikachu, it gave us a bunch of stupid jokes that fell flat, and ended in the most of stupid of ways that had no resolution whatsoever! This has go to be one of the worst Pokemon FanFics I have ever read!

Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon FanFiction!

(Keldeo walks off, but Coballion is still talking with his eyes closed while smiling proudly)

"The Odyssey was written in dactylic hexameter. The Odyssey opens in medias res, in the middle of the overall story, with prior events described through flashbacks or storytelling. This device is also used by later authors of literary epics, such as Virgil in the Aeneid, Luís de Camões in Os Lusíadas and Alexander Pope in The Rape of the Lock.  
In the first episodes, we trace Telemachus' efforts to assert control of the household, and then, at Athena's advice, to search for news of his long-lost father. Then the scene shifts: Odysseus has been a captive of the beautiful nymph Calypso, with whom he has spent seven of his ten lost years. Released by the intercession of his patroness Athena, through the aid of Hermes, he departs, but his raft is destroyed by his divine enemy Poseidon, who is angry because Odysseus blinded his son, Polyphemus. When Odysseus washes up on Scherie, home to the Phaeacians, he is assisted by the young Nausicaa and is treated hospitably. In return, he satisfies the Phaeacians' curiosity, telling them, and the reader, of all his adventures since departing from Troy. The shipbuilding Phaeacians then loan him a ship to return to Ithaca. . ."

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

_Credits_

_Wikipedia_

The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing.

(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)


	8. Midnight Chocolate and Worthless

**Keldeo The Critic-Midnight Chocolate and Worthless by ScourgeOfHell**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

As you can see, I'm much happier now! Why? Because it turns out that Meloetta didn't break up with me! It was really Zorua using his Illusion Ability! Good thing a ran into the real Meloetta yesterday. And I figured since there aren't any Dittoes in Unova and Zoroark wouldn't a thing like that, it had to be Zorua. We were able to _persuade_ him to confess. . .

_"What do you think, Meloetta? Hyper Voice?"_

_"What?"_

_"Hmmm . . . okay Kelde! Cover your ears cause here I go!"_

_"AHHHH! NO! I confess! I confess! Meemaaaaaaa!"_

So, since I am in such a good, romantic mood, how about some more Negaishipping!

(Applause)

Okay, so today's story is going to be "Midnight Chocolate" by ScourgeOfHell!

. . .

ScourgeOfHell? What the-?

(Keldeo gives a forced smile)

I'm sure the story will be just fine. . .

* * *

_Summary: Above all he had those stupid eyes, that made her want to scribble emo poetry in black ink. Those eyes, that she had to use every ounce of determination not to stare into, lest she lose another hour of her day fantasizing. Negaishipping, Pure and Simple_

* * *

(Keldeo's eye twitches)

. . .That's. . .interesting. . .but still, Negaishipping is always good.

* * *

_**So yeah, my first real non-drabble. Jaw-droppingly Clichéd, I know, but bear with me, I'm new to this.**__**Oh and for the love of god, reviewing will not kill you. I don't care how crappy you think this is, just drop a review**_

* * *

(Keldeo face hooves)

I hate it when they do that! Can't they just let us decide for ourselves if it's bad. . .

But it won't be,_ because Negaishipping is always_- let's get it over with. . .

So, it's midnight, and Iris is sitting on a cliff staring the moon, thinking about, who else, Ash. This is Negaishipping after all. But wait! Something is bothering her.

* * *

_At times like these, the best way to quell her rebellious heart, was to think about the fact that she most probably wasn't the only one who found Ash attractive. She'd seen the pictures of Ash, ones with the water-type gym leader from Kanto. His native Kanto she thought, so conveniently placed from him to visit, to grow intimate with. The girl was, without a doubt, beautiful, but she wasn't Ash's only option. There was the coordinator from Hoenn, equally beautiful, who, as Iris understood, was something of a protégé to Ash. She scoffed at the thought; student-teacher relation indeed. Finally there was that bluenette stylist (Pokestylist? really, was that even a career?) from Sinnoh, the one with the preposterously short skirt, the one who, Iris thought, looked like she was unable to tie her own shoelaces, without Ash holding her hand. For some reason, the bluenette drove her insane, with her sleek midnight blue hair, and that overly developed bust._

* * *

That's right, Iris is jealous of Misty, May, and Dawn!

Hahahahaha- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

They're not even there! How can you be jealous of people who aren't even around? I mean, Ash left them, and they left Ash! There was obviously nothing going on between them! Are you seriously portraying Iris as the petty, jealous, idiot!

I'm surprised you didn't go all the way and give her Body Dysmorphic Disorder!

* * *

_ Iris looked down at her plain clothes, her ugly, dark skin, her bloated, weird hair, her thin, lanky frame. All three of those girls were beautiful, and, as much as it pained her to admit it, all three were further ahead in their careers than her. Most disturbingly, all three has amazing cerulean blue orbs, eyes that contrasted so perfectly with Ash's chocolate brown one. Iris on the other hand, had dirty, brown puddles in her eyes. Not the soft brown of Ash's eyes, rather a vile dark shade that made her want smash whatever mirror she was staring at. No, Iris was never one to delude herself, and much as acknowledging it made her feel like her chest was being trampled over, Ash would never be hers. Right now, Iris decided to give in to her desires, and cry until she felt like getting up again._

* * *

(Keldeo's draw dropped)

(A Tangrowth rolls by)

(Keldeo takes a deep breath)

Okay. . .

I know this is a FanFiction, but, you should try to get the characters a little bit right.

Now. . .let's do a little test.

Let's put this version of Iris into a scene from the Anime and see what we get. . .

_**Georgia:** Ha-ha-ha! So you think you could possibly be a Dragon Master? Do you, Iris?_

_**Iris:** Probably not. I can't do anything. I'm an ugly, pathetic, ugly, useless, ugly, weak, ugly, looser. My clothes look like they got taken off of a scarecrow that's been in a field for 20 years. My eyes look like clumps of diarrhea in a toilet bowl. I have the figure of Jack Skellington from "The Nightmare Before Christmas," and his girlfriend looks better than I do. My hair makes me look like a mutated Zoroark. And to top it all off _censored racist comment_. If I were to walk by a beauty contest they'd pull guns on me. If I were to try to enter an ugly contest they'd stop me and tell me that professionals aren't allowed. If I walked past a Lord of the Rings convention, they'd congratulate me on my amazing Gollumn costume. Team Rocket could probably use me to torture people into giving them their Pokemon. All they'd have to do is force people to stare at me until they broke down. Excadrill probably locked himself up for all that time because he couldn't bear to look at me. I suppose one of these days I get tired of offending people with my horrible physical features that I'll have Excadrill repeatedly use Focus Blast on me until a get a few broken bones. Then I'll limp my way through the forest, where I'll probably met an Amoongus. He'll poison me. Then I'll have to crawl through the dirt and dead leaves until I come across some Deino. They'll probably chomp on me all over. I'll be bleeding. Then they'll see that I'm poisoned and leave me alone, after they trample me. Then I'll drag my destroyed body to a cliff and roll over the side. I'll hit the ground, break the rest of my bones, and then die a long, painful, slow death._

**_Georgia: _**_(She has an extremely terrified expression on her face and seems ready to run away screaming at the slightest noise)_

**_Iris:_**_ Or maybe I'll just hang myself. We'll see._

(The scene explodes due to Keldeo using Focus Blast on it)

SEE!

DO YOU SEE HOW CREEPY AND WRONG THIS IS!?

DO YOU!? DO YOU!?

Are you really that stupid?! Are you really that twisted and sick?! You gave Iris B.D.D.! You did that ScourgeOfHell! You did it!

ASH! HELP!

* * *

_"So this is where you disappear to every night" That was a voice she knew all too well. Immediately she wiped the few nascent tears on her face, whirled around, and found herself, unwittingly, staring into an all too familiar pair of brown eyes. In the night, his eyes sparkled almost inhumanly, so much that she could almost see the moon's reflection, adding a white sheen to the background of coffee. It took a while for Iris to stop fantasizing about those eyes, and register the fact that he'd just addressed her._

_"Umm, yeah, I just really like the night" Was that too laconic? Surely she spoke that too fast; now Ash would no doubt think of her as antisocial, another reason for him to go back to slutty-miniskirt girl._

* * *

Gosh! Does the Pokemon Fanbase hate Dawn or something?

* * *

_"Well, ummm , There's this girl…" And now the tears threatened to return in full force, as Iris felt her heart shatter into tiny irreparable pieces. It had to be the miniskirt girl, she had that amazing hair style. But then again, Ash had known the gym leader the longest, perhaps it was her? Oh hell, what did she even know about Ash, maybe it was all three of them._

* * *

Why is she so stupid?! Whenever someone goes "I have this friend" or "There's this girl" or "I know a guy" it's nearly always about themselves, you, or someone you're familiar with! And why does she think Ash is polygamous? Is she high or something?

So, Ash does the whole thing where he describes "this girl" who turns out to be, who else, Iris.

* * *

_"You're not even supposed to like me"_

* * *

And you're calling _Dawn_ the brainless one? I'm sorry, but this. . _.perversion_ of Iris makes me want to smack her with Secret Sword.

But wait, it gets _worse_. Listen to this line that Ash says!

* * *

_"Really?, because you're the one whose always calling me a child". One of his hands has crept into her hair, gently toying with a strand. It took a lot more resolve to ignore how right it felt to have his hands on her any part of her._

* * *

(Keldeo has a shocked expression on his face)

D-d-does that sound like anything Ash would say? I mean. . .at all? _At all? _Is there any possibility that Ash would ever say that line? No. That's Yusei Fudo. That's Coballion. That's. . .anything 10 years older than Ash!

So, after Ash calls "Iris the ugly" _beautiful. . ._

* * *

_"Iris, there's not much that you're not. I mean you're funny, and smart and exciting, and…." He spoke cautiously "Beautiful" __Beautiful_, he'd called her beautiful; a word, she was sure, not even her parents would have used to describe her. Certainly a term she'd never been so crass as to use on herself. Most definitely a word she did not deserve to be called.

* * *

Really. . .wow that's kind of depressi- I DON'T WANT TO BE DEPRESSED BY A NEGAISHIPPING STORY!

* * *

_ Her previously fractured heart felt like it had swollen to 5 times its size._

* * *

_**Boris Karloff/Dr. Seuss:** "And what happened then? Well, in Unova they say, that Iris__'_ small _heart grew five_ sizes that day."

But her brain is still the size of an Arceus forsaken pea!

* * *

_"I've never done this before Iris, I just saw in this movie once. Sorry if it doesn't go right". And then slowly, almost teasingly, he closed the narrow gap between their lips, planting his mouth over hers._

* * *

THERE! Now that's a line Ash _would_ say any day of the week! Thank you!

* * *

_The stupid rational part of her yelled at her to push him away, but so far, her logic had gotten her nowhere, and she decided it was time to throw that part of her out the window. She was unsure of what to do at first, as any young girl would be, at her first kiss. She was afraid of kissing back. But he had called her exciting….He had called her smart…Beautiful. There was no reason not to kiss back. Raising her, up till then, limp arms, she wrapped them around his neck, pulling him closer, deepening their intimacy. Ash tensed up, apparently not having expected her to respond so soon, but quickly regained his step, tightening the arm around her waist, while the other cradled her head. Iris could honestly say she'd never felt so unbelievably happy before, but part of the burning sensation, she realized, might have had something to do with the fact that she was running out of air, though since she'd disbanded the logical part of her brain, she didn't really care. Ash however, wasn't content with her dying, so he pulled away, and for a while stared into her eyes._

* * *

See! Pea brain! How stupid can you get?

* * *

_"I love you Iris' there was no hint of doubt or confusion in his voice, only absolute surety. Love. He Loved her. It wasn't just a petty crush, It was love, he'd said so, she'd heard him. Wrapping her arms around him, she did something she'd never so much as let herself fantasize about, placing her face against his chest (a difficult deed, since they were the same height)._

_"I love you too", she mumbled into his shoulder. There; she'd said it, and instantly she felt like a burden had been lifted off her shoulders. After the weeks of angst, and the petty bemoaning, she'd allowed herself to say it, and it sounded so freaking corny, and yet it felt so very right. Mine she thought, wrapping her arms tighter around his shoulders. _Mine, mine, mine, all mine.

* * *

(Keldeo looks creeped out)

"Mine, mine, mine, all mine?"

. . .

I don't think Ash is safe around Iris. At least, not this, twisted form of Iris.

I mean, this girl is out of mind. She has B.D.D. remember! That means suicidal ideation, alcohol and drug abuse, there are a lot of symptoms here.

Sure, they end up together, but Iris' character is just so creepy and wrong, and why does Ash just randomly think, "Hey! I think I'll tell Iris I love her tonight!" Are you even trying!?

Man! I am so glad that's all over! I have never been so-

(There is the sound of whispers off screen)

Huh?

(Whispers continue)

(Keldeo's eyes widen)

OH NO! Not another one! Please! I do anything! I'll be your body guard! I'll fight Pokemon battles for you! I'll help you find the Magma Stone! Just please-

* * *

_**Worthless**_

_Author: ScourgeOfHell _

___In the end, she had broken her own heart. But he'd still been there to dry her tears. Negaishipping AshxIris_

* * *

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Why do you hate me so much!?

Okay, fine. This story is kind of sequel to "Midnight Chocolate"

* * *

_She would regularly spend a large portion of her time, worrying herself over how damaging lack of intimacy could be to a newly formed couple. Knowing well enough that her clueless, or publicly so, boyfriend wouldn't do anything about the situation, Iris had given a new meaning to the phrase "being aggressive in love". When they would walk, she would obstinately keep her hand wrapped around Ash's own, regardless of their position or company, only very dejectedly letting go if Ash or herself, were about to have a battle, or, of course, if Georgia happened to be nearby. When they stopped for lunch or at a settlement, she consistently tail the poor boy, making sure he stayed away from any prying female eyes._

* * *

SEE! I called it! She's a compulsive, clingy, jealous, annoying, pretentious, stupid, lunatic! Bella from _Twilight_ is better than this crazy girl!

Okay, so a month has gone by, and Ash and Iris are snuggling, which would be cute if the girl Ash was snuggling wasn't out of her mind!

* * *

_Despite the serenity of the situation, at the back of her brain a notion kept nagging at her. Ash obviously knew how to treat a girl; his embrace was perfect, almost experienced. Experience. That word immediately shook her to the core. Detaching his arms from her waist, she whirled around and fixed him with a stare that would have stopped a charging Bouffalant. He was obviously confused by her sudden change, God he looked so cute when he was confused. Snapping herself from the daze induced by the look on his face, Iris asked as gently as possible, trying to keep the scorn from entering her voice._

_"Say, Ash. You've never….talked much about your old friends."_

* * *

Yup that's right, she's in jealous mode again even though Ash confessed his undying love to him. Oh gosh, Amy Rose is calm compared to her!

* * *

_"Tell me about them. What are their names? What were they like?" How close were you, she almost added._

_"Well there was Brock. He's probably the closest thing I've ever had to a big brother. I'm pretty sure he's the only person on earth who could cook better than Cilan."_

_Brock. Sounded safe enough, Iris had to assume._

_"There was also Misty. She's the gym leader of Cerulean City. Pikachu actually sort of fried her bike" Ash admitted sheepishly._

_Iris could swear she heard her heart quiver at this. Misty. That was definitely a girl. But before she could inquire further, Ash continued, unknowingly breaking her heart further._

_"There was also May and Dawn. They're both Pokemon coordinators. I guess you wouldn't know what those are. Man, you should have seen the two of them. They…"_

_"I KNOW WHAT POKEMON COORDINATORS ARE YOU LITTLE KID!" The outburst caused a number of pidove in a nearby tree to fly off. Before Ash could respond, Iris had pushed away from him and climbed up the tree. Despite the seriousness of the situation, Ash again found himself marveling how graceful she could be as flew through the air, her hair fluttering majestically behind her. Snapping himself back into reality, Ash smacked his forehead, wondering exactly what it was that he had done this time. Why did girls always have to be so complicated?_

* * *

(Keldeo smiles)

Oh, Ash! Girls aren't always complicated. . .

IT'S JUST THIS ONE!

I mean. . ._my gosh!_ Every line she says is like a slap in the face! It literally feels like every time she says a line, she reaches out of the screen, and smacks you!

* * *

_Up in the tree, Iris quietly sobbed into her palms, the irrational grief racking her body, making her wheeze and leaving her almost breathless. Ash knew other girls. Why was that so hard to stomach? But coordinators? She knew what they were like, narcissistic prissy girls, who cared little about the soul and heart of their Pokemon, only about the glossiness of their fur or the color of their own nail polish._

* * *

**SMACK!**

(Keldeo rubs his cheek)

_OW!_

But don't worry! Becuase thanks to the power of. . .hugging. . .and some really confusing lines. . .wha?

* * *

_She snuggled into his chest, letting the tears flow freely_

_"I'm not… I can't…. You don't…." For several seconds Iris continued to babble unformed sentences, while Ash gently stroked her hair_

_"Shhh, shhhhh shhhh" he attempted, rubbing her back to placate her, to stop the flood of tears that hurt him almost as much as they did her. "I'm right here, please don't cry, please stop"_

_Sure enough, in a while, Iris's bawling turned to quiet whimpering, and she looked up at him with puffy red eyes. Those eyes don't deserve to have tears in them. Ever._

_"I just want you to be happy", the hint of a sob was still present in her voice._

_"Seeing you cry won't make me any happier"_

_"I don't deserve you" she looked down at her feet, once more attempting to pull away from him hold_

_"No, you deserve so much more" He pulled her closer to himself. "I'm sorry", he added as an afterthought, wiping away the last remnants of tears from her eyes_

_"Do you really love me?" Immediately, she regretted her words, the look on his face speaking volumes of pain. That she could really question that hurt him more that her insults ever did_

_"Ofcourse I do, with all my heart, more than anything. I wouldn't let you go for the world."_

_"Ash, those girls you used to travel with, did you ever love any of them" The question that had been eating away at her for weeks._

_Ash actually smiled at this._

_"Do I really seem like I'm used to having a girlfriend" Despite the situation, Iris found herself giggling at this, a light, merry sound that was like music to Ash's ears._

_"I love you" she said finally._

_"I know" he replied, and for the first time in weeks Iris truly believed him._

* * *

Okay, you know what? NO! Just no! This story, these stories, gah! They're well written but they're all wrong! I mean. I don't even understand these resolutions these events, the logic. . .oh the logic! Here, let me sum up the logic with words from the story!

* * *

_. . . she'd disbanded the logical part of her brain, she didn't really care._

* * *

That's these stories in a nutshell! They make no sense! I have no clue what this guy was thinking when he wrote Iris' character! I do not see this when I watch the show, and I hope I never do, because the day Iris does act like this, is the day when I quit Pokemon and sing up as a background pony in Friendship is Magic!

Iris is portrayed _awfully_ in these stories. She has B.D.D., she's insanely jealous, she's judgmental, she's impatient, she's clingy, she's over protective, she jumps to conclusions, she has a sort fuse, she's angry, she's short tempered, she's unforgiving, she encourages stereotypes, she's out of her mind, she's compulsive, she's annoying- oh my gosh I'm using up every negative trait in the dictionary! And Ash _likes_ a girl like this? That's as scary as being locked in a cage with a starving Kyurem!

You know the only good thing that came out of these stories were? They made me realize how luck I am to be in love a girl like Meloetta, who's just right for me in every way, instead of something like this _anti-matter Iris_! Why is it so hard to keep characters in. . ..character!

You know what, ScourgeOfHell?

LIGHTEN UP!

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon FanFiction!

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

_Credits_

_How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. __Seuss_

The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing.

(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)


	9. Music, Umbrella, KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty

**Keldeo The Critic- "Music", "Umbrella", and "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts" Part One by DragonNiro**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

After I reviewed those two abominable fanfics by ScourgeofHell, I got a suggestion from DragonNiro to review his fanfic, "Music." I figured that since it involved MelloettaXKeldeo shipping, that it would cheer me up a lot more, especially after those awful fanfics I had to read. So, without further ado, here's "Music"!

* * *

_**Music**_

_**A Keldeo and Meloetta One Shot.**_

_"Kelde~!" came a voice._

_Keldeo closed his book and sighed._

_'Kelde' is Keldeo's pet name from Meloetta._

_"What is it, Meloetta?" he asked._

_Meloetta jumped into the seat in front of Keldeo._

_"Kelde," she said with a massive smile on her face, "What's your favourite type of music?"_

* * *

What the heck is with the format? Why is it all centered? It's like I'm reading through an hourglass!

Ah, whatever! It's still me and Melloetta! What could be better! And how did he get that pet name just right! Genius!

* * *

_"Why do you want to know?" asked Keldeo._

_Meloetta's smile didn't change._

_"No reason, why do you ask?" questioned Meloetta teasingly._

_"It's for Shaymin, isn't it?" said Keldeo sternly._

_Meloetta's smile became one of surprise._

_"How did you know?"_

_"When you have that smile of yours, I know you and Shaymin are up to something mischievous."_

_Meloetta sighed._

_"It's a article for the Hall's magazine. She wants to know the many percentage of music that the Legendaries listen to."_

* * *

Wait-wait-wait-wait. . .the Legendary Pokemon have a magazine?!

_(Keldeo is confused)_

What, do they learn how to read? Do they write it in human? Do they use Unknown symbols? Do they have a printing press? Do they take pictures? Do they use a typewriter? Do they sell it? Do they pay in berries? What the heck am I talking about- POKEMON CAN'T MAKE A MAGAZINE!

* * *

_"Not interested." sternly said Keldeo, going back to his book._

_Meloetta pouted._

_"Awwww...Come on! There's got to be a type of music you must like!"_

_"Nope. Not interested." went Keldeo._

_"Pop?"_

_"No."_

_"Rock?"_

_"No."_

_"Jazz?"_

_"Nein, mein Schatz."_

_"Don't you go German on me, Keldeo! You know I can't understand it!"_

_"Kore ni tsuite wa mōshiwakearimasen, kawaī on'nanoko!"_

_"Stop it Keldeo!"_

_"I'm not interested in music. End of discussion."_

* * *

Wait a minute, I know German?

Wait a minute, I know Japaneese?

And besides, why am I being so difficult? It's a simple question. _What music do I like?_ Is that so hard?

* * *

_"Death Metal?"_

_"Only Darkrai listen to that. What makes you think I want to hear it?"_

_"Fair point. But, is there an artist you like?_

_"No."_

_"Green Day?"_

_"No."_

_Meloetta gasped. "Do you listen to Jus-"_

* * *

_(Keldeo is horrified and jumps up waving his front hooves wildly)_

_NOOOOOOOOOOO! _NO! Please say no!

* * *

_"HELL NO!_

* * *

_(Keldeo sighs in relief and sits down looking relaxed)_

Proceed.

* * *

_Meloetta sighed._

_"There's got to be one artist you must like, is there?"_

_Keldeo looked up from his book._

_"If I tell you who's music I like, can you leave me alone about the article?"_

_Meloetta began smiling._

_"Who is your favourite artist, Keldeo?"_

_Keldeo smirked._

_**"You."**_

_Keldeo could see Meloetta's face go completely red._

_Sometimes, he loved seeing her like that._

_It made her cute._

* * *

_(Keldeo looks around awkwardly)_

That's it? The end?

. . .

Okay. . .um, it was a cute little one-shot, I guess. It was funny in a subtle sort of way. Kinda random too. But, short. It wasn't supposed to be long, of course I get that. But it's kind of a waste to review such a short story.

_(Keldeo nods)_

Alright! I gues I'm gonna have to review some more of DragonNiro's stories. Next stop, "Umbrella"!

* * *

**mbrella**

**A Keldeo and Meloetta Oneshot.**

* * *

_Keldeo ran._

_He had enough._

You had my heart, and we'll never be worlds apart

_The other pupils at his school had pushed him too far._

* * *

Again with the hourglass. . .

* * *

_They had taken the piss out of his parents._

* * *

Wait, what?! What does that mean?

* * *

_Keldeo's an orphan._

Maybe in magazines, but you'll still be my star

_Why is human nature this cruel?_

_Why do humans see it funny about someone's dead parents?_

Baby 'cause in the dark, you can't see shiny cars

_Keldeo cried tears that he hasn't shed in ages._

_"Stupid people!" he screamed into the rain._

And that's when you need me there

_Keldeo fell to his knees._

_"Why?" he said as the rain fell from the sky._

* * *

Okay, so, I guess in this story right after my parent died in the Fire in the Moor of Icirus. . .humans are laughing at me? I don't get it? And why are there song lyrics?

* * *

With you, I'll always share

_Keldeo felt something on his shoulder._

_He looked up to see a green haired girl with blue eyes holding an umbrella_

_She is in the girl's version of the uniform of the the school Keldeo goes to._

Because when the sun shines, we'll shine together

_"Keldeo-kun?" she asked, blinking with curiosity. "What is wrong?"_

_"Gomennasai, Meloetta-chan" Keldeo said. "I'm just upset about something."_

* * *

WAIT, WE'RE HUMANS IN THIS?! That makes no sense, I just. . .gah!

_(Keldeo rubs his face with his hooves)_

Oh my gosh. . .okay. . .so this is apparently in an alternate universe where Meloetta and I are humans and some random people killed my parents. . .recently?

* * *

_"I'll tell the police about this! They'll get arrested for what they done!" she told Keldeo._

_"Really?" asked Keldeo._

_"Yeah!"_

* * *

WHY DIDN'T I JUST CALL THE POLICE?!

Alright, you know what, forget this one, let's move on to the big one I've been saving for last, "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts."

This one isn't done yet. As the title says, it's made up of oneshots that come from the prompts reviewers give. It's up to 36 so far. I know it's not complete yet, but with oneshot collections like this, I just review a couple of them to get the gist of the whole thing. So, hang on while I read through the ones DragonNiro has so far.

_(One reading later)_

_(Keldeo has a stunned expression on his face. His eyes are staring straight ahead, unblinkingly. He is completely shocked. He suddenly takes a deep breath, and speaks)_

There is an author nameD AuraWielder, and in chapter 5 of his fanfic "From Death to Damnation," Dilaga and Giratina put a blonde wig, lipstick, nailpolish, impossible 6 inch high heels, and a showgirl's outfit on Lugia so that he can entice Landorus. . .and it works. . .

. . .

THAT IS _NORMAL- _That's right_- NORMAL,_ compared to "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts!"

So, what's wrong with this fanfic?

. . .

WHAT'S _RIGHT_ WITH THIS FANFIC! THAT'S THE SHORTER ANSWER!

It's acutally hrd to come up with words to describe how crazy these oneshots are. They are _that_ crazy. So, instead of talking about them, let's try reading them!

_(Keldeo smiles awkwardly)_

The keyword being "try."

* * *

_Number 1. Technology._

_Basic Outline: Keldeo doesn't understand technology. But, if it gets Meloetta's music out in the world, he doesn't care about it._

_Technology._

_That's something Keldeo doesn't understand._

_All the fancy gizmos and how it works completely confuses him._

_The other day, Mew thought it would be funny to make Keldeo watch a scary video._

_It didn't end well._

_Keldeo thought the scary bit was real and sliced the computer in half._

_Mew is now saving up for a new computer._

* * *

Why does Mew have a computer? He's a Pokemon! If I can't use one, why should Mew know how to use one?!

* * *

_Number 5: Lost._

* * *

_Basic Outline: It's Keldeo's first time in the city, and he is very lost. He's very frustrated, until he sees Meloetta._

_"Where the hell am I?" asked Keldeo, as he walked through the park, again._

_Keldeo is in the city._

_It's his first time._

_He was here on a mission with Mew, but as usually, Mew went crazy and ditched him._

_And now Keldeo is lost._

_Keldeo looked around. He is glad that Arceus made all the legendaries have human forms._

_Keldeo has short red hair, grey eyes, has a blue t-shirt, jeans and trainers._

* * *

So. . .Legendary Pokemon can turn into humans? That's a terrible idea! Pokemon is about... Pokemon! Why would you ruin that by turning us into humans?!

So, I know what you're thinking. I'm nitpicking. So, let me get into the specifics.

First of all, the fanifc stars me, Melloetta, the Swords of Justice, who he keeps calling the "musketeers" for some reason, and Genesect. Oh my gosh, Genesect! It's like someone took Patrick the Starfish and combined him with Megaman! He is so _annoying! _His movie hasn't even been seen yet, and you're making him out to be an idiot! What's wrong with you?!

* * *

_Suddenly, a purple blur shot past the musketeers. Turns out, it is Genesect._

_"Genesect?" asked Keldeo. "What's happening?"_

_"Hide me!" screamed Genesect. "Meloetta is pissed off!"_

_Genesect blasted off, to hide in the library._

* * *

_Genesect is planning to trap Santa to hold him hostage for presents._

* * *

_"This must be one big fish..." thought Meloetta._

_"PULL!" yelled Keldeo._

_The two did and the captured fish flew up into the air._

_…_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_...But it wasn't a fish._

_It's a purple bug._

_"GENESECT?!" yelled the two._

* * *

_He gets angry at things for no reason and goes on a rampage._

_Genesect, who is in front of Meloetta, tripped over the wire, which is meant for Meloetta._

_And he got angry when he saw the wire._

_Genesect grabbed a table with one hand._

_"DIE, WIRE, DIE!" he screamed, throwing the table directly at the wire._

_Since the impact was so strong, the table, along with the wire, went down to the floor below._

_Taking Azelf and Mesprit with it, and leaving Uxie confused because she doesn't know what happened._

* * *

It's like if before Mewtwo made his movie debut, people wrote stories of him having the mentality of a Psyduck!

And another thing, there's a kind of running gag that I'm always sitting alone reading a book, but since when could Pokemon read?

* * *

_Keldeo is very angry._

_Why, you ask?_

_He's at a stupid unnecessary thing called a party, when he can be doing better things, like mastering Secret Sword or discussing important things._

_Everyone is playing party games or over at the food table, preventing Genesect from eating everything, while he's at a table, trying to read a book._

_"I really don't want to be here..." muttered Keldeo under his breath._

* * *

_(Keldeo stares in shock)_

Why am I a jerk?! Why am I antisocial? Why am I addicted to books? Just because I'm a pony doesn't mean I'm Twilight Sparkle or Rainbow Dash! Did you even watch the movie! This is not what I am like! I'm a good guy, I like friends, what the hay is going on here?!

And another thing, these oneshots have these bizzare plots that come out of nowhere! Like:

* * *

_Number 9: Cherries._

_Story Outline: Keldeo REALLY likes cherries. So, Meloetta uses this to her advantage..._

_"Again, Keldeo?" asked Meloetta, as she looked into the fridge, seeing that the cherries are gone, again..._

_"What?" questioningly went Keldeo. "I really like cherries. It was the only fruit I could get my hands on when I was younger..."_

_Keldeo notice that Meloetta is wearing lipstick. What he notices that the lipstick is coloured a unusual dark red._

_"Hey," went Keldeo. "What's with the lipstick?"_

_"Here," replied Meloetta. "I'll show you."_

_Meloetta kissed Keldeo on the lips softly._

_When she pulled away, Keldeo remarked:_

_"Huh. Tastes like cherries."_

* * *

_(Keldeo blinks)_

I don't get it?

Is this supposed to be funny? Cute? Tongue in cheek?

* * *

_"Why Keldeo says 'Biscuits' sometimes?" asked Meloetta._

_"Yes, it's really annoying..." stated Darkrai._

_"I think Keldeo does swear sometimes," went Meloetta._

_"In fact, he used to swear all the time."_

_"How come he doesn't now?" asked Darkrai._

_"I think after he met me, he started to stop." replied Meloetta. "The thing is, I don't really like other Pokemon swearing. And since Keldeo has a crush on me-"_

_"He has a crush on you?"_

_"Yes, but Keldeo is too stubborn to admit it. Anyway, since he has a crush on me, he must of heard that I don't like swearing, he began to stop swearing. I think he watched a show with a character who said 'Biscuits' once, and he picked it up from there."_

_'Huh...' thought Darkrai. "I would never of thought of that...'_

_"I hope that answers your question." said Meloetta._

_"Yes, it does." remarked Darkrai. "Thank you, Meloetta."_

_"You're welcome, Darkrai." siad Meloetta with a chirp. She began to walk out of the room._

_"Maybe, with not swearing, you might get Cresselia to like you."_

_Darkrai blushed a deep red as Meloetta left the room._

_Then Latios floated into the room._

_"You like Cresselia?" he asked._

_'Biscuits!' thought Darkrai._

* * *

That's right,_ Darkrai,_ the evil villain of a Pokemon movie who is defeated by Cressila, the Pokemon of nightmares who is the opposite of Cressila, the Pokemon of good dreams, is in love with_ Cressila, his exact opposite! _

WATCH! THE! MOVIE!

And if that isn't bizzare enough, check out number 7: Truth or Dare

* * *

_"Ugh..." moaned Victini, as he layed his head on the table in a board way._

_"Why do we have to do this?"_

_"Mesprit want every younger legendaries to get to know each other..." replied Cresselia, as she helped bring in loads of board games._

_"Who else is coming?" asked Victini, not moving his head._

_"Um..." went Celebi. "Manaphy, Shaymin, Darkrai, Genesect, Mewtwo, Deoxys, Meloetta and..."_

_"And who...?"_

_"Keldeo."_

* * *

_. . . ._

What?

You're having a slumber party with Mewtwo, Darkrai, and Deoxys? That's like inviting Batman, Shadow the Hedgehog, and Godzilla to a four year old's tea-party! These Pokemon would not get along with others without at least 3 chapters of character development! I mean, in the movies, all those other guests are shown to be nice and fun loving! The other three are violent villains who nearly took over the world or destroyed the world! Think DragonNiro! THINK!

And check out what they do during the party!

* * *

_Genesect dared Mewtwo to fill Reshiram's garden with toxic waste._

_Mewtwo got Celebi to tell who she really like. Turns out it is Victini, who returned the feelings._

_Celebi dared Shaymin to incense sticks in Arecus' office. He really hates them._

_Shaymin got Darkrai to passionately make-out with Cresselia._

_Darkrai got Deoxys to tell them why Rayquaza really hates her. Turns out when Deoxys first crash-land on Earth, she accidentally destroyed many of Rayquaza's things._

_And finally, Deoxys got Mesprit to make Uxie's room very messy. It's normally tidy, because Uxie has OCD._

* * *

Arceus' office?!

He's the Creator Pokemon! Not the CEO of an insurance company!

What's next?!

* * *

_"What brings you to our presence? This place isn't well known, even to Pokemon."_

_"Oh, Regirock told me." stated Meloetta. "He told me that Terrakion owns him money."_

_Virizion glared at Terrakion._

_"What?" he asked. "Regirock caught me out."_

_"You tried that once against Cobalion! And you lost several times!" growled Virizion._

_"Ok, I'm bad at gambling. But I am improving!" responded Terrakion._

_"Anyway," went Meloetta. "I'm actual here to see Keldeo."_

_"Me?" asked Keldeo._

_"Yes, you, you idiot!" smirked Terrakion. "What other Pokemon has the name 'Keldeo'?"_

_Virizion used Sacred Sword to smack Terrakion down to the ground._

_"Walk with me, Keldeo." smiled Meloetta._

* * *

Okay, seriously! What is with the smack you're talking! The Swords of Justice don't quarrel and smack each other around! And why does Terrakion have a gambling problem? Pokemon don't even gamble!

And another thing, you have like a ton of love confession scenes that apparently take place in parallel universes!

* * *

_"L-lady Meloetta!" exclaimed Keldeo with some concern. "What's the matter?!"_

_Meloetta is crying rapidly, although Keldeo cannot see her face._

_"F-for a l-long t-time, e-ever since y-you and I f-first met, I-i have a-admired y-you..." cried Meloetta._

_Keldeo is panicking since he has no idea what is going on._

_"I l-like h-how y-you bring everyone h-happiness, even ones w-with i-iron cold hearts, like Cobalion. I-i like on how kind you are to everyone. I-i admired your strength, your c-courageousness, your ideal to protect the w-weak and f-fight evil..."_

_Meloetta turned round, crying loads, and yelled this:_

_"And for that, I love you!"_

_Keldeo went very red._

_"O-oh..." went Keldeo, with a red face and scratching his head._

_"I guess, that's fine..."_

_Keldeo broke into a big grin, while with a red face. This caused Meloetta to cheer up a little._

_"Don't let my master here me say this but.." went Keldeo, looking to the side._

_"**Enough.**" rang a voice._

_Suddenly, Meloetta disappeared, and in her place is Arceus._

_"Young musketeer." went Arceus sternly. "I was watching, and I warn you this. Hurt Meloetta in anyway, and I will wipe you from existence."_

_"What?" went Keldeo, who is quite shocked._

_"And tell your masters, that their Legendary Assessment is come up soon."_

_"What?!" asked Keldeo._

_"I bid you farewell, and heed my warning." warned Arceus before disappearing._

_Keldeo is left in the clearing by himself, looking dumb-founded._

* * *

That's a depressing one.

* * *

_Keldeo smiled at Meloetta._

_To him, Meloetta is the most beautiful girl he had seen._

_"Maybe, it's time..." thought Keldeo._

_Keldeo and Meloetta continued to dance a bit._

_"Meloetta..." started Keldeo, with Meloetta looking at him._

_"Yes?" she asked._

_"I'm not really one for words," went Keldeo. "But, thanks for tonight. It's been one of the best one's I had."_

_"You're welcome." smiled Meloetta._

_"And also..." said Keldeo. "Alright! It's time! Don't screw this one up, Keldeo!"_

_"Yes?" asked Meloetta._

_"Ever since I met you, a positive thing has filled my previously negative filled heart._

_You made me happy when I was depressed or angry._

_I just really like you._

_How do they put it?_

_Oh, yeah!_

_Meloetta, I love you."_

_Meloetta stood there in silence, then smiled._

_"Keldeo..."_

_"Yes?"_

_"I love you too." smiled Meloetta, embracing Keldeo with a kiss._

* * *

That _would_ have been a good one if we weren't _humans_ at the time! Okay, it would be hard for a pony and humanoid to dance, but still, _humans_? That's creepy! That's really creepy!

* * *

_Number 31: Gangnam Style?_

_Story Outline: Keldeo hates Gangnam Style. Unfortunately for him, his girlfriend, Meloetta, loves it..._

_'Oppa Gangnam Style!'_

_**CRASH!**_

_Where Thundurus and Tornadus were dancing, was a smouldering crater with a table._

_"STOP DANCING FOR FREAK'S SAKE!"_

_yelled Keldeo angrily._

_Keldeo is very annoyed because Tornadus and Thundurus kept dancing a stupid dance that Keldeo hates._

_Gangnam Style._

* * *

Oh, now they're dancing some weird human dance thing, MAKE SOME SENSE PLEASE!

* * *

_It is Keldeo's day off from training with his masters._

_But, for some some reason, the Musketeers wanted to go fishing, and dragged him and Meloetta along._

_Terrakion lied to Meloetta that it was Keldeo's idea._

_The five are on a boat, in a lake, in Unova._

_"Zzzz..." went Keldeo, going back to sleep._

_Terrakion notice that Keldeo is sleeping again._

_**TWACK!**_

_"OW!"_

_"Wake up. You gotta catch some fish."_

_"I don't wanna!" yelled Keldeo. "I want to sleep!"_

_"Tough!" went Terrakion._

_"We're going to catch some fish."_

_"Master Cobalion! Master Virizion!" exclaimed Keldeo, with bags under his eyes._

_"I don't want to catch fish!"_

_"Tough." went Cobalion._

_"I want to catch fish" went Virizion_

_Keldeo nearly caused the boat to capsized in anger._

_"I WANNA SLEEP!"_

_**SMACK!**_

_Keldeo now has a big bump on his head._

_"SHUT UP." dangerously said Terrakion. "YOU'RE. SCARING. THE. FISH."_

_Then the Cave Pokemon went back to fishing._

* * *

_(Keldeo just stares angrily)_

Okay. . .did you see that scene where Terrakion threw that Basculin into the air and read into it so much that you came to the conclusion that the Swords of Justice just _adore_ fishing sooooo much? And why is Terrakion beating the crud out of me? Do you really hate me that much! I mean, what's next? Do I get Meloetta pregnant or something?

* * *

_"Keldeo."_

_"Hmm?"_

_"Promise you won't freak out when I say this."_

_Keldeo nodded, and took a sip of his drink again._

_"You are gonna to be a father, Keldeo."_

* * *

_(Keldeo just sits frozen with a scandalized expression on his face. He remains like this for long moment, then he speaks)_

I can't get through this in one sitting. I'm going to stare at myself in a lake a cry for a bit. I'll be right back.

**We'll be right back!**

**_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._**


	10. Dramatic Skit 1

As Keldeo stared at his reflection, tears dripping from his face, four figures came up behind him.

"Kelde?" one asked.

Keldeo turned to see Meloetta and the other three Swords of Justice.

"Why do you weep, Keldeo?" Coballion asked.

Keldeo sighed as Meloetta floated up to his side, placing a comforting hand on his back.

"It's this fanifc," Keldeo said, averting his eyes to the ground, "It's just so-."

"WHAT?" Terrakion said loudly, a shocked expression of disbelief on his face, "A fanfic? That put you on the verge of tears?"

Keldeo sighed, "I know, but it's just so random and weird, and not even all sixty of the-."

"Sixty?" Virizion gasped suddenly.

Keldeo looked up and nodded, "Yeah. It's called _KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts._"

The three Swords of Justice all gasped in horror.

"_Sixty Oneshots and Prompts!" _Coballion gasped.

Coballion then reached out with a hoof and pulled Keldeo close, _"Is it 60%? Is it 6 squared?"_

Keldeo stared at him, "Caballion? What are you?"

"You have discovered the Six Tens Fanfic!" Virizion said in a hushed tone, "A fanfic that will announce the destruction of the Swords of Justice! A fanfic filled with such slanderous insults against the Swords of Justice, as well as all other Legendary Pokemon. . . now set loose upon the world"

Terrakion nodded, "The prophecy says that when 60th oneshot has been added, the Swords of Justice will be no more, the Hall of Legendaries will fall into complete anarchy, the Legendary Pokemon will destroy each other, and chaos and evil will consume the Unova region!"

Coballion looked Keldeo in the eye, "However, the prophecy also says that when the fanfic reaches the oneshot numbering 6 squared, or reaches 60% completeness, or gets to onehsot number 36, one of the Swords of Justice will discover it, and have the opportunity to break the curse."

Coballion took a deep breath and said, "Here is what you must do, Keldeo. You must finish reviewing the 36 chapters."

Keldeo blinked.

He opened his mouth.

"NO!" the other three Swords of Justice said sternly in unison, reading his thoughts.

Keldeo's heart sunk. Then he felt Meloetta gently rubbing his back. He turned to her and said, "Why don't you review it?"

Meloetta shook her head, "No. I love you, but no."

"I want you to review it."

"No."

"I don't want it."

"You can do it."

"It's full of insulting stuff."

"Well I wouldn't even touch the monitor it's on."

"I am giving it to you."

"I wouldn't look at it through a pair of binoculars."

"I'm sick of reading it."

"No, no, no, no, no."

"Please just take it off my hands."

"ENOUGH, KELDEO!" Coballion shouted, jolting Keldeo and Meloetta out of their banter.

The pair looked at Coballion, who had a very serious expression on his face.

"Keldeo," Coballion said, "If you make Meloetta review that fanfic, through her, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine."

"Wow?" Keldeo asked, "Because it's so evil it would totally consume her?"

Meloetta shuddered and snuggled against Keldeo.

"Indeed," Coballion said, "She would weave evil songs concerning the Swords of Justice and the Legendary Pokemon, degrading them with foul lyrics and crude melodies."

Keldeo sighed, "I wish this fic had never come to me."

Virizion rubbed against Keldeo's side, "Fate has brought this upon you, Keldeo. You were meant to find this fanfic. Therefore, you were meant to suffer the extreme insults and mockery it brings, the frustration of dealing with such out-of-characterness. It is _you_ and _only_ _you_ who can handle this, Keldeo. And that is a very encouraging thought."

Keldeo looked down and closed his eyes to think this over for a moment. Then he said angrily, "NO! No, that's not an encouraging thought! That's a discouraging thought!"

Keldeo looked up, and found that the Swords of Justice has left. He then turned to Meloetta.

"Well," Meloetta said softly, then she smiled her cutest smile and said, "Good luck!" She then flew off as fast as she could.

Keldeo blinked, then he shouted after Meloetta, "Thanks! Thanks a lot! You owe me a newly composed battle song after this!" Keldeo then stared at his frustrated reflection and said, "Why were they all here, anyway?!"


	11. KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots part 2

**Keldeo The Critic- "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts" Part One by DragonNiro**

Okay, so, this fic sure does put the Swords of Justice in a negative light, me included. I mean, the Swords of Justice are a group of honorable warriors who take their jobs very seriously! Can't you grasp that concept? And I don't get why I'm a book loving loner. I mean, it could be worse, I could be a prankster or something-

* * *

_Meloetta sighed, and put her notes in one of the cabinet draws._

_She turned on her stereo, and jumped on her bed to relax._

_**'Oh!**_

_Meloetta sat up._

_"This isn't my usually soundtrack..." she thought._

_**SLAM!**_

_Meloetta jumped and saw that the door has been close._

_**Helpless!**_

_"W-what?" stuttered Meloetta._

_She recognised this type of music._

_She hates it with a passion._

_**My eyes are bleeding from the fear that's inside!  
You sealed your demise when you  
Took what was mine!**_

_Heavy metal music is what she hates._

_"AHHHHH!" shrieked Meloetta._

_Behind the door, Keldeo grins._

_"Although my masters told me revenge is bad..." he thought. "Sometimes, it's good to have payback!"_

* * *

WHAT DID I DO?

Apparently this a revenge for a tickle attack she used on me in number 21, but serously, this seems a little extreme, AND DISHONORABLE!

* * *

_Later on, Keldeo lets Meloetta out of her room._

_"I hate you."_

_"I love you too, Meloetta."_

* * *

And no! NO! There's a very good change she'd _really_ hate me if I did that to her, so NO!

And number 30- FACEBOOK? Why are Pokemon using Facebook?

And number 15 just doesn't make any sense.

* * *

_As Keldeo began to walk, he heard something._

_"Keldeo..."_

_Keldeo turned round, and saw a pale girl with green hair._

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

_"Meloetta..." whispered Keldeo._

_Meloetta smiled, then teleported to be at the right of Keldeo._

Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb...

_"I'm...sorry..." apologized Keldeo, without looking at Meloetta._

_"It's not your fault." replied Meloetta, with a sad smile on her face._

Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold...

_Flashbacks flew through Keldeo's mind._

_Terrible memories of blood and death of innocents._

Until you find it there and lead it back home...

_"I didn't mean any of that to happen..." muttered Keldeo._

_"I know." went Meloetta. "How's things at the Hall?"_

_"I've been sentenced to death for killing Arecus's precious daughter. And now I'm on the run..."_

_Meloetta shook her head._

_"I'm...truly sorry..." apologized Keldeo, again._

_"It doesn't matter any more..."_

* * *

It's a songfic to "Bring Me To Life" but it's so confusing! Did I really kill Meloetta? Was I framed? Was i an accident? was I possesed? Blackmailed? Are you gonna explain anything? HELLO! EXPLANATION? BACKSTORY? ANYTHING?!

Some of these don't even add up, like number 18, right after number 17 where I help Meloetta with stage fright, she helps me with stage fright. But the thing I'm doing is just. . .well look:

* * *

_"GAK!" yelled Keldeo frustratingly, peeking through the curtains._

_There is a talent show going at the moment, which Arceus has done._

_He wanted the relationships between humans and Pokemon to improve, so he threw this show for the humans to show no hard feelings._

_Tens of thousands of humans have turned up to see the show._

_What Keldeo's part is, is extremely awesome._

_He'll begin to walk to the front of the stage, while several objects will fly up in the air._

_Once Keldeo gets to the front, he'll stamp his hooves and the objects will be sliced into thousands of pieces._

* * *

_(Keldeo smiles and puts a hoof to his ear)_

Say what now?

* * *

_The stage is set, and dark._

_All the humans hold their breath, as a Pokemon walks onto stage._

_"Now, here is Keldeo..." boomed a voice. "And his cutting talent!"_

_The light is shone on Keldeo, as he slowly walks to the front._

_Suddenly, several objects, like watermelons, chairs and tables, are thrown high in the air._

_Keldeo gets to front, and stomps._

_**SLCRIIKKK!**_

_All the objects suddenly get slice into many pieces._

_The crowd roars in delight, while Keldeo bows._

_Meloetta smiles from behind the curtain._

_"You are the best performer I ever seen, Keldeo..."_

* * *

How does stomping on the ground cause things to get sliced? How did you even come to that conclusion? Couldn't I do some flying with my Aqua Jet? Or slice diamonds with my Secret Sword? Now _that_ would be cool! But, just stomping and making things break? That's pointless! That's nothing! I'm just. . .GAH!

I mean, what else could you possibly think that would be as weird as that!?

* * *

_Number 8: Turnabout Oneshot._

_Story Outline: Keldeo is a newbie lawyer, and his first case is to defend a music student. The good news, she's innocent. The bad news, the charge is murder, and her finger prints are on the murder weapon..._

_"Calm down..." thought Keldeo, as he stood in the defendants lobby._

_"No, it's no good...I am officially screwed."_

_Keldeo is wearing a average blue jacket with a brown tie._  
_His hair is a messy style, suggesting he's just got out of bed._  
_His hair is also red._  
_He's also got some plain black trousers on._

_"Keldeo." said a voice._

_Keldeo turned to see his father, Cobalion, walk up to him._

_Cobalion has a steely blue hair, but had a hint of grey in it. He is also wearing a light blue jacket and trousers, but has a grey tie on as well._

_"How are you this morning?"_

_"I'm...extremely nervous..." went Keldeo._

_"Hmm..." hummed Cobalion. "So was I on my debut. Don't let your client see you like this. You are her only hope."_

_Keldeo turned to see a green-haired girl panicking._

_"Too late..." he thought._

* * *

_(Keldeo is as stiff as a statue)_

I'm a lawyer. . .

WHAT?!

That's it! I can't take it anymore! I am done, done, done!

_(Keldeo slams his head down, but then the fic suddenly changes to number 19)_

* * *

_Number 19: Christmas Remembrance._

_Story Outline: It's Christmas Eve at the Hall, and Meloetta can't wait to celebrate with Keldeo. However, Meloetta learns that Keldeo wants to spend Christmas by himself. Meloetta, furious, decides to follow Keldeo..._

* * *

_(Keldeo looks up and starts reading. Immediately his facial expression brightens up, and soon tears of joy are running down his cheek. As a glorious choir sings, Keldeo raises his hooves in joy)_

EFFORT! HONEST, WONDERFUL, HEARTFELT EFFORT!

Talk about the exact opposite! This really has some decent heart to it. Sure, there are a few random, humorous bits.

* * *

_All the fire types and ice types are in charge of the food._

_There was a massive explosion in the kitchen. Kyurem walked out covered in melted chocolate._

* * *

_(Keldeo has to muffle his laughter)_

But it seems in balance in this excellent narrative, and the characters here are really nice in how they're behaving.

* * *

_Meloetta is currently singing for Phione, who is the youngest of the legendaries._

_"...With logs on the fireand gifts on the tree...  
A time to rejoice in the good that we see!"_

_"Yay!" cheered Phione happily. "Again! Again!"_

_"I'm sorry, Phione..." smiled Meloetta sadly. "But I need to wrap some presents."_

* * *

Awww, now you can't help but smile at that!

* * *

_Keldeo and Meloetta had recently become a couple, though there are some things that Meloetta doesn't know about Keldeo. He is quite mysterious._

_That's one of the things that attracted Meloetta to Keldeo._

_He is kind, powerful, polite, quiet and observant._

_He is different from the other male legendaries, who are either mostly jerks or taken._

_Except from Genesect, who's an idiot._

* * *

See! Isn't it better when we're all in character. Ahem! Oh, yeah, um, well let's just ignore that cheap shot at Genesect.

But there seems to be something mysterious going on.

* * *

_Keldeo packed up some items in his backpack, then put it on._

_Cobalion walked in, looking for some wrapping paper._

_He notice Keldeo packing._

_"You leaving, then?" he asked._

_Keldeo nodded._

_"Meloetta is not going to be pleased, you know." he stated._

_"I do this every year." sternly said Keldeo. "It's a tradition."_

_"I know."_

_Then Keldeo left._

* * *

Indeed, Meloetta does not want me to leave on Christmas Day!

* * *

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WON'T BE ROUND TOMORROW?!"_

_"Oh, that." went Terrakion with a blank look on his face._

_An angry mark appeared on Meloetta's head._

_"For some reason," stated Terrakion, looking to the side. "Keldeo always disappears on Christmas Eve and always returns on Boxing Day._

_Me and Virizion don't know why he does it, or where he goes._

_We made Cobalion to find out once._

_When he did, Cobalion refused to tell, saying Keldeo made him keep a secret."_

_"Has he always done this?" asked Meloetta, with an annoyed look on her face._

_"Well, ever since his body age has turn ten." went Terrakion. "He has done this without fail. He also does this on his birthday, and the anniversary of the Great Fire of Icirrus."_

_Meloetta frowned._

_"The Great Fire of Icirrus happened thousands of years ago." went Terrakion, thinking what Meloetta is thinking._

_"Why he goes missing on that day, I have no idea."_

_Suddenly, a blur went by, and Meloetta saw that Keldeo ran pass._

_"KELDEO!" screamed Meloetta, as she began to run after Keldeo._

_"COME BACK HERE!"_

_"I wonder where the kid is going..." thought Terrakion._

* * *

Sure, you've probably all guessed where I'm going, but hey, it's how the narrative plays out that counts!

So, after a description of a cool "Portal Room," an excellent piece of world building, we find ourselves in the Moor if Icirrus! And Meloetta has caught up with me.

* * *

_"I'm not being a Scrooge." said Keldeo, frowning. "I'm not going back."_

_This made Meloetta even more angry._

_She grabbed Keldeo by the hair, and threatened him with:_

_"If you don't give me one good reason why you do this, I'll destroy all of your manga!"_

* * *

Okay, that was funny!

* * *

_Keldeo sighed._

_"I'm here to see my parent's graves." he said._

_Meloetta let go._

_"What?" a quite confused Meloetta said._

_"I'm here to see my parent's graves." repeated Keldeo._

_"You..." started Meloetta. "...had parents?"_

_"I'll explain." said Keldeo, turning his back on Meloetta._

* * *

And so, we get an in depth history of the Keldeo race, and end with a visitation of the grave-site.

* * *

_Even if you are gone, you two are still in my hearts. I sometimes wished the fire never happened, but then, I would never met my friends, and Meloetta..."_

_Meloetta opened one of her eyes to see small tears running down Keldeo's face._

_"I-i-i miss you, Mum, Dad._

_I afraid of what could happen to your graves, if I;m away too long. I'm afraid of what will happen in the future._

_But, what I'm afraid of most, is that I may die like you..._

_I'm afraid that I will die in a fiery death, where I will burn..."_

_"But I'll make sure your son doesn't end up like that." prayed Meloetta, with Keldeo opening his eye to look at Meloetta._

_"He's the best Pokemon I ever knew._

_You'll be proud of your son if you saw him._

_He's polite to others, kind to ones who need it, powerful to defeat the strongest of foes, quiet to observe others go on in their lives._

_I couldn't of ask of a better friend,_

_…_

_No, boyfriend, in your son."_

_Meloetta opened her eyes to see Keldeo grinning at her._

_"Thanks." he said._

_Meloetta smiled._

_"And to that," they both went._

_"Rest in peace, and Merry Christmas."_

_Keldeo stood up, and took some food from his backpack for an offering to the graves._

* * *

A moment of silence. . .please. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

Okay. . .

* * *

_Meloetta stood up as well._

_Once Keldeo was finished, Meloetta asked:_

_"So, what do you do afterwards?"_

_"Well, normally,_

_I would head back to the cave to reminisced about the good times I had in the past,_

_be caught up so much that I missed out the whole of Christmas Day,_

_then head back to the Hall on Boxing Day." remarked Keldeo, causing Meloetta to frown._

_Keldeo saw this and grinned._

_"But I guess this year, I'll be there for Christmas."_

_Meloetta broke into a big grin and gave Keldeo a kiss._

* * *

But wait, it's not over yet!

* * *

_As they left the clearing, two figures appeared from behind the graves._

_They both look like Keldeo, except they both look older, one having a scar down his left eye and the other looking more feminine._

_Both of them look pale._

_"Ha!" chuckled the scared one. "I told you Terrakion would get a girlfriend!"_

_The other sighed. "You never let that go. You're truly your son's father."_

_Keldeo's Dad smirked. "And your son's mother!"_

_Keldeo's Mum smiled. "Yeah..."_

_Then she looked over to where Keldeo and Meloetta left._

_"Our son's finally grown-up. He's happy, and he's got a caring girlfriend."_

_"Yep." grinned Keldeo's Dad. "The only thing I regret is not seeing my son grow up, but that's fine to me if he's happy."_

_Keldeo's Mum nodded, and the two looked into the distance where Keldeo and Meloetta left._

_"Merry Christmas, Keldeo and Meloetta."_

* * *

A wonderful gem, this oneshot was. And I must say, there are other good ones like it.

Like Number 27: The Knight and the Composer, where I'm a brave knight who rescues Meloetta from Verderben the kidnapping Houndoom. Or Number 29: A damsel in distress, where Victini, I, and the Sowrds of Justice take down an army of enemy knights trying to kidnap Princess Meloetta!

* * *

_"Alright" he said. "Let's do this."_

_Keldeo went to pull out his sword, but Meloetta stopped him._

_"Wait!" she exclaimed._

_"What is it, Melo-" went Keldeo, before being cut off by a kiss from Meloetta._

_The scene was perfect._

_The only bad thing was Terrakion thinking; "The King is gonna kill this kid..."_

_As Meloetta pulled away, she whispered: "Good luck!"_

_Keldeo nodded, whilst smiling._

_He pulled out his sword, and turned towards the crowd of enemy Knights._

* * *

My gosh, isn't that an epic scene!

I mean, okay, we're humanized in those chapters, but it actually doesn't bother me so much anymore. I mean, I just imagine we're all Pokemon. I'm reading it, I can picture it any way I want to!

And even ones that aren't cinematic or action can still be good if they have enough slice of life drama. Like Number 28: Valentines Day Surpise.

* * *

_As the two discussed what they're going to do, outside, Mesprit filled with rage._

_And do you know she's gonna do?_

_Burst in with rage, that's what._

_"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" she yelled angrily, whilst bursting in._

_Keldeo fell over in surprise, then mumbled: "Not anything dirty..."_

_"What are you yelling about?" asked Meloetta in a annoyed way._

_"Why are you two going to an amusement park?!" shouted Mesprit. "It's Valentines Day tomorrow! You're suppose to do something romantic!"_

_"That's what you're angry about?" asked Meloetta._

_Keldeo got up, and brushed himself down._

_"We didn't fancy being all romantic all-day." he said._

_"Valentines Day is usually for romantic stuff, but me and Meloetta are different._

_We see the day for romance, but a day for fun as well._

_We agreed that we should do something fun for Valentines Day, so we decided to go to an amusement park._

_You may the Being the Emotion, but it doesn't mean you can decide what others to do on Valentines Day."_

_Mesprit is left there speechless._

_"Speaking of Valentines Day," started Keldeo. "I need to attempt to wrap a present. See ya later."_

_Keldeo walked out of room._

_Meloetta smirked at a gaping Mesprit._

_"So..." she started. "Got anything for Azelf?"_

* * *

_(Keldeo is grinning ear to ear)_

I can't resist, I'm gonna say it:

I owned Mespirit, LIKE A BOSS!

I also kinda find Number 10: Questions a little funny.

Terrakion is taking care of a younger me and Meloetta when. .

* * *

_"Mr Tewwa!" exclaimed Meloetta. "Me and Keldeo have a question!"_

_Terrakion turned round with a smile._

_"Go ahead!" said Terrakion. He really like Keldeo and Meloetta. They are really cute at their age._

_"What's the question?"_

_"What's sex?" asked Keldeo and Meloetta innocently._

_If you wish to see Terrakion's face at the moment, let's say one thing about it._

_It looks like Terrakion is beyond shocked._

_"Eh...?" went Terrakion. _"Crap! How did they learn that word?

_"Come on, Terry!" shouted Keldeo. "What's sex?"_

_"U-u-u-um..." stuttered Terrakion. His words know can effect these two's innocent minds forever._

_"I-i-it's when two Pokemon, who are opposite genders, love each very much..._

_...That's all..."_

_Hopefully that should be enough for their answer._

_"That's all?" asked Meloetta. "Awe you sure?"_

_"Yes, now run along." smiled Terrakion. "That's the best way I can explain..."_

_Hopefully..._

_"Ok!" smiled Keldeo. "Meloetta, let's have sex!"_

_"Ok, Kelde!" went Melotta happily._

_"WHAT?!"_

_Not really._

_Both Meloetta and Keldeo ran off happily, leaving Terrakion very shocked._

_Then an voice was heard by Terrakion._

_"So, Terrakion. How did those two learn that word?"_

_Terrakion turned round to see Cobalion and Virizion. Virizion looks very angry._

_"CRAP!" thought Terrakion._

* * *

_Sound Effect: WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!_

Oh my gosh, some of these oneshots are golden! Like the 20 and 22, that tell tales of the Swords of Justic'es past and Victini and Celebi's past.

Oh one that's really gut wrenching and dramatic is Number 33: Training.

* * *

_"SACRED SWORD!" he yelled, attacking the tree._

* * *

_(Keldeo's teeth are clenched)_

Secret Sword. Secret Sword.

_**THWACK!**_

_This tree was considerably weak tree, as after one hit, it began to fall._

_And that moment it began to fall, Meloetta appeared._

_"Kelde!" she exclaimed, not noticing the falling tree._

_Keldeo's eyes widen in surprise, and straight away jumped at Meloetta to save her._

_"Keldeo, what are-AHH!" said a confused Meloetta when Keldeo saved her._

_**CRASH!**_

_After the dust cloud faded away, Keldeo got up with an still confused Meloetta._

_"Eh?" went Meloetta, walking over the fallen tree. "Why did that tree collapsed?"_

_"I was training, and I knocked it down..." went Keldeo. "You should be more careful..."_

_"Well, excused me!" shouted Meloetta. "You knocked it over! You should be more careful!"_

_Keldeo frowned._

_"I am careful. These trees have no Pokemon leaving in them. I train alone."_

_"Why do you train away?" asked Meloetta innocently. "It's not like you have to protect anyone..."_

_Keldeo's expression instantly darkened._

_He then muttered something._

_"Pardon?" asked Meloetta._

_"Go." said Keldeo dangerously._

_Meloetta, the one who cannot sense danger, continue to say "Why do you want me to go?"_

_"**I SAID GO!**" yelled Keldeo furiously, causing the whole forest to shake._

_Meloetta stood there bewildered._

_"**You don't know what I have been through!**" growled Keldeo furiously. "**Go home and go listen to some of that bad-sounding music of yours!**"_

_Meloetta slapped Keldeo hard._

_Keldeo didn't even flinched, but caused a small amount of pain for him._

_Meloetta, however, is crying bucket loads._

_"Y-y-you jerk!" she shouted, before running away crying._

_Keldeo growled before going back to training._

* * *

DRAMA!

And of course, I have good reason for my outburst.

* * *

_"...and I ran here crying..." sadly finished Meloetta._

_"I see..." went Virizion. She stared into the distance._

_"I'm gonna have a talk with Keldeo about his..."_

_"M-miss Virizion...!" stuttered Meloetta._

_"Why would Kelde act like that?"_

_"Hmm..." went Virizion._

_"Terrakion told me one time why Keldeo trains so hard._

_Terrakion had been training Keldeo and asked him why he wanted to be strong."_

_"Y-yeah?" sniffed Meloetta._

_"Keldeo responded that he wanted to protect everyone he loves, to grow strong is to protect them."_

_"Huh?"_

_"You heard about the Great Fire of Icirrus?"_

_"Yes, I have. Keldeo told me a little bit about it._

_Didn't he lose his parents?"_

_"Yes, and I guess it stems from this..."_

_A young Keldeo is running around a forest that's on fire._

_"Mama!" he yelled. "Dada!"_

_Everything is on fire._

_Young Keldeo noticed his father dousing out some of the fire._

_"Dada!" he screamed, causing his father to notice. Young Keldeo began to run towards his dad._

_At that moment, Keldeo's Father noticed a tree about to collapse._

_And he can definitely see it's gonna hit Young Keldeo._

_"KELDEO!" he shouted, before jumping at Young Keldeo to save him._

_The last thing Young Keldeo saw was his father's face before blacking out._

_When Young Keldeo came around, after the fire died down,_

_he saw his father's dead body crushed under a tree._

_Since Young Keldeo was a child back then, he did not understand the meaning of 'Death'_

_So, imagined how the Musketeers felt when they found the last Keldeo trying to get his father to wake up, when the said father is already dead._

* * *

Another moment of silence please. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

So, now that there is understanding, Meloetta learns a valuable lesson.

* * *

_"I now understand. I said something very rude that upset Keldeo._

_I shouldn't of questioned Keldeo's will."_

_Virizion smiled._

_"I'll go talk to Keldeo." she said. "Knowing him, he's probably beating himself up for saying those things."_

_Virizion got up._

_"That or he told Terrakion what happened, and is being told off about it."_

_Meloetta grinned._

_She now knows not to question a Pokemon's will, for it's one of the strongest things a Pokemon can have._

_After all, she'll now never doubt her love for Keldeo._

* * *

And _that_ was a good oneshot. It doesn't end with the cliche of Meloetta and me sharing an "I'm sorry kiss." Meloetta learned her lesson and is letting there be some cool down quiet time. It had drama, heart, a moral, and some insight into the past. This could acutally be made into a full blown story. Most of these oneshots could. That's the mark of a good oneshot.

So, what's my critique on this collection so far?

Ehhhhhh. . .

. . .guilty pleasure!

I mean, part of me dislikes it because it pretty much turns all of the Legendary Pokemon into high school seniors and turns the Swords of Justice into the Team Rocket Trio. Sometimes it's just random. But at the same time, the jokes can be _really_ funny, the plots can be heartfelt at times, there's sometimes some action and adventure, there's world building and character building, and some of the stories of the past DragonNiro gives some of these characters are just _incredible! _

Sure, these aren't epic novels that keep you turning the page, but that's not what it's about. These are oneshots that make you feel good. They make you want to put some good music on as you leisurely scroll through them, occasionally laughing, occasionally shedding a tear, occasionally reading into back story, occasionally getting into some action. . .

. . and occasionally wondering what the heck is going on, but it's okay!

it's basically a grab back of stuff, and you can never know what you'll find. But trust me, you usually won't be too disappointed.

Well, that's the end of my review, which means the curse is broken!

Whew! Now I can relax and wait for the last 24 onehsots without worrying. But I think I better not let the Swords of Justice find out that I'm still reading it.

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon FanFiction!

**THE END**

_**Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice**_

_**The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	12. Always There For You, Buizel

**Keldeo The Critic- Always There For You Buizel by Glitterstone**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

Remember "Kevin and Buizel" by SukottoDeragon? Well, that was finished on May 17th, 2010. Well, an author by the name of Glitterstone wrote a Fanfic called "Always There For You Buizel" on August 18th, 2010.

"Hold on Keldeo!"

Oh, hi Meloetta!

_(Meloetta is really upset and has a red Anime anger mark on her head)_

"Don't 'hi' me! You can't accuse Glitterstone of stealing the idea!"

Uh, Meloetta-

"The plot's totally different!"

Um-

"There are no OC's!"

Look, I-

"I can't believe a Sword of Justice is wrongly accusing-."

I WASN'T GONNA SAY SHE STOLE THE IDEA!

_(Meloetta is silent)_

"Oh. . .sorry. . .um. . .I better go now. . ."

It's alright. . . see ya later.

"Yeah. . ."

Okay, well, since people can be overly sensitiveness I won't mention "Kevin and Buizel" again. Okay. Good.

So, this story's summary is straightforward.

* * *

_When Buizel has a bad dream, Ash comforts him to show that nothing like what Buizel experienced will really happen._

* * *

So, do Sea Weasel Pokemon dream of underwater sheep? Let's find out!

* * *

_**This is pretty much a little story about Ash and Buizel. The basic plot is Buizel is upset and scared after he has a nightmare involving Ash. So Ash and Pikachu comfort him. I don't own Pokémon in anyway. I got the idea from a story by Robotboyfan. It takes place before the Sinnoh League and after the grand festival that Dawn entered B.T.W. Alright, Enjoy!**_

* * *

Okay, so the author gives us a recap of the summary as well as reaffirms the setting. Okay. But you'd think we'd figure the setting out just by reading the story-

_(Meloetta suddenly rushes in even angrier than before.)_

"That jerk! She _did_ steal the story idea!"

What?! Meloetta, what are you-?

"SHE STOLE IT FROM ROBOTBOYFAN! She even admitted it!"

She didn't steal it Meloetta! She was inspired by it! Besides, they're probably totally different-

"How could you defend this injustice Keldeo!"

Meloetta, you're over reacting-

"NO I'M NOT! AND I'LL PROVE IT! I'm gonna read 'Always There For You Buizel' and 'Robot Boy Has a Nightmare' _back-to-back_! Then I'll prove they're carbon copies of each other! Then the Swords of Justice will have to take action! You'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"

. . . . . .

O. . .kay. . .

Moving on with the story. . .

* * *

_Ash and his friends were in the Pokémon centre after a lot of training. They were getting ready to get some sleep. Dawn was sitting on her bed with Piplup on her lap and Buneary sat by her in Dawn's guest room. The blue haired trainer was giving the Pokémon some poffins after their hard work. "You guys deserve these poffins." She said with a small smile. "Piplup!" Piplup squeaked happily as he nibbled away on his poffin. "Buneary! Bun bun!" Buneary happily sang as she began eating her poffin while hopping up and down. "I'm glad you enjoy them. We may not have won the Grand festival. But, i still became a good contest coordinator" Dawn told the two Pokémon as she stretched her arms, snuggled under the blanket and fell asleep, with Buneary and Piplup dozing off after her._

* * *

What the hay! You just described the setting in the story! Just like I said you could! So what was with the Author's Note at the beginning?

* * *

_Brock had fallen asleep a few minutes ago and he was dreaming of Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny. Croagunk was sat by him. Just in-case he started talking in his sleep and the frog Pokémon had to poison jab him._

* * *

Okay, I take it back! That funny line made up for it!

* * *

_Ash, however, was sitting on the bed in his guest room and he was nodding off. Just as he was about to nod off, Pikachu sped right into the room and jumped on Ash's bed, knocking the boy off of it and onto the floor. _

* * *

_Pikachu_ knocked _Ash_ of off the bed?

. . .

Wow. . .I guess Pikachu's gotten stronger over the years. . .

_"Pikachu-Punch!"_

* * *

_"PIKA PI! PIKA PIKA! PIKACHU!" Pikachu quickly cried as Ash's pulled himself up. "Whoa! Pikachu! Is everything alright?" Ash asked with his head tilted to the side. "Pika pika! Pika pi pika! Pi Pikachu!" Pikachu explained while flailing his arms up and down really quickly. Ash understood everything Pikachu was saying. "What! Something's wrong with Buizel! We'd better go help him!" Ash responded. Pikachu nodded and ran off to where Buizel was sleeping with Ash following._

* * *

Ash understood-

_(Keldeo face-hoofed)_

Oh come on!

This is even worse than Toadettegirl2012's breaking of the language barrier! This is like _Lassie_ or even worse! _Flipper_!

_(Dolphin noises)_

_"What's that, Flipper?"_

_(Dolphin noises)_

_"Buizel is having a bad dream?!"_

_(Dolphin noises)_

_"Well, you better go ahead and solve this! Don't worry Ash, everything will be fine now that Flipper is on the case!"_

_They call him Flipper! Flipper! Faster than lightning. . ._

So Ash and Pikachu go to wake up Buizel, but. . .

* * *

_"Hey! Buizel! Are you alright? Wake up! It's me!" Ash shouted as he shook Buizel. This however, led Buizel to firing a water gun at a nearby wall in his sleep. "Whoa! Buizel! Settle down!" Ash shouted, in order to get some sense into Buizel's head. The sea weasel then fired another watergun at Ash and Pikachu. The two managed to dodge. Ash then began shaking Buizel again. "Buizel! Wake up! It's alright! There's no one here! Wake up!" Ash shouted as he shook Buizel a few more times. "Pika pika!" Pikachu shouted as he also tried to wake Buizel up._

* * *

Oh my gosh, Pokemon are dangerous when they're asleep! I mean, what if it were Chimchar?

_"It's okay, Chimchar! You're-."_

_BOOOOOM!_

_"This is Reporter Kinsey standing outside of the burned remains of the Pokemon Center! People are wondering, what could have caused such a devastating fire?"_

So, Ash and Pikachu manage to wake Buizel up before he drowns them all.

* * *

_Ash thought that his shaking worked as finally, Buizel's eyes snapped open and he jolted up quickly. He took a few heavy breaths and the sea weasel began looking around quickly. "Buizel. It's okay. You're safe now. You were having a bad dream, that's all. But, it's over now. So, don't worry." Ash smiled while patting his Pokémon's head. "Pika pi. Pikachu." Pikachu added on, as he gave Buizel and friendly smile. Buizel looked at Pikachu and Ash. He could feel tears coming through his eyes. But, no matter how hard he tried, Buizel couldn't keep them back._  
_"Pika?" Pikachu asked as he saw the tears. Before Pikachu knew it he saw Buizel beginning to cry slightly. "Hey, Buizel? Are you okay?" Ash asked. "BUI BUI!" Buizel shouted and shook his head instantly. He wrapped his hands around Ash while shaking and sobbing into Ash's chest. Ash didn't jump or feel shocked. However, he did feel surprised. He never thought that Buizel would hug him at all. "Bui bui bui! Bui! bui bui!" Buizel squeaked in a high pitched voice as he hugged Ash._

* * *

Neither would I, actually. I mean, Buizel was always the tough guy _who always stole fishing rods_ before Dawn caught him. It adds to the tension, suspense, and shock when we see a Pokemon like Buizel just burst into tears.

* * *

_Ash's held the sea weasel closer to him. "Buizel, it'll be alright." Ash whispered. He then had an idea. "If it makes you feel any better, do you wanna tell me about your dream?" Ash asked softly. Buizel looked up at Ash and nodded slowly. "Alright then. Tell me exactly what happened in your dream..." Ash told his Pokémon as sat on the bed._

* * *

(Keldeo blinks)

. . .What?

* * *

_"Alright then. Tell me exactly what happened in your dream..."_

* * *

. . .

Okay. . .fine. . .Ash can understand Pokemon in this universe too! It has just reached Toadettegirl2012 level of language barrier smashing!

So, now we get a trip into Buizel's bad dream. . .

* * *

_Buizel's dream..._

_Ash and Buizel are battling Paul and his Drapion with Dawn, Brock and Pikachu watching them._

* * *

(Keldeo gasped)

_Paul. . . ._

_(A dramatic sting plays as a PSA voice starts talking with more dramatic music in the background)_

_"Yes, Paul! Paul likes to spend most of his time hurting Pokemon because he is worse than Giovanni if he was a serial killer. You can spot him by seeing his never smiling face with an occasional smirk reminiscent of a snake, and a blue outfit that makes him look like Blue from the Pokemon games. He kidnaps Pokemon, beats then up, releases them after beating them up, turns away during a battle for some reason, and probably slapped your mother. If you see Paul anyway, make sure punch him as hard as you can in the face. Paul, if there's anything worse. . .it's Grings Kodai."_

Okay, so believe it or not, Buizel's dream is not about being brutally murdered by Paul! No, it's about. . .well. . .it's weird.

* * *

_However, an explosion was heard and a shadow loomed over the sky. "What's that!" Ash shouted as he and Buizel looked up. Paul recalled Drapion and began to walk away. "Hey Paul! Where ya going?" Ash shouted. However, the shadow then swooped down and grabbed Ash. "ASH!" dawn and Brock shouted. "BUI BUI!" Buizel shouted as he ran towards Ash to help him. "BUIZEL WATCHED OUT!" Ash shouted as he saw a strange power behind Buizel. This power stopped Buizel from moving. The sea weasel tried to get free but the shadow laughed at his effort._

* * *

So. . .a shadow. . .what is it Darkrai? Is it Zekrom? Look, I know it's a dream. . .but come on! DETAILS!

* * *

_Buizel could only watch as the shadow took Ash away. He fired a watergun, hoping that the shadow would slow down. However, the attack went straight through the shadow. "That shadow's taking Ash away!" Dawn shouted in despair. "BUI BUI! BUI! BUI BUI BUI!" Buizel shouted as tears formed in his eyes. He fired another watergun. But, by the time it reached the sky, the shadow had gone with Ash. Buizel gave one final look as the power faded away and Buizel could move again. "No...Ash..." Dawn sobbed. "I guess there's nothing we can do now..." Brock added on while shaking his head."Pika pi." Pikachu sadly sighed as Buizel fell to the floor. An explosion was then seen. Buizel gasped as he knew the outcome. "BUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Buizel shouted._

* * *

This is the part where I say "why do Dawn, Brock, and for goodness sake _Pikachu,_ give up so easily?" Well, this is a dream, so I'll let it go.

So after Ash uses his Pokemon translation abilities to hear what Buizel's saying. . .

he comforts him, what else is he gonna do?

* * *

_ "Buizel, it's alright now. I'm here. Nothing like what you just explained will ever happen to me." Ash softly told the sea weasel as he helped Buizel up, placed him in his lap and hugged him. Buizel sniffed a little bit and wiped the tears he had formed and placed his head on Ash's chest._

_That's how they stayed for around 15 minutes. Until at last, Buizel looked up at Ash with a sad look. "I promise you Buizel. Nothing like what you experienced, in your dreams, will ever happen in reality." Ash whispered as he placed a hand on Buizel's head to comfort him. "Bui bui?" Buizel asked with a hint of sadness in his voice as more tears began to form in his eyes. Ash laughed softly and patted Buizel on the head. He knew Buizel asked him if he promised that nothing like what happened in Buizel's dream would really happen. "I'll make it a true promise Buizel." Ash replied._

* * *

And I suppose then they'll spend the night together. ..

* * *

_"Want me and Pikachu to stay with you for the night?" Ash asked with a smile. "Pika pi. Pikachu." Pikachu added on. "Bui bui..." Buizel replied softly with a smile. Ash smiled as he settled down next to Buizel and put the blanket over him and Buizel. Pikachu scurried over to the end of the bed, curled up and fell asleep. Ash looked into Buizel's sparkling black eyes as the sea weasel did the same. "You'll feel better after a good night's sleep, Buizel." Ash whispered as he pulled Buizel closer to him. Buizel felt really comforted with Ash by his side. The sea weasel gave Ash a lick on the cheek and yawned. "Good night Buizel." Ash whispered. "Bui bui, bui." Buizel replied quietly and the two fell fast asleep._

* * *

__And I also suppose everything will be fine the next morning. . .

* * *

_"Morning Buizel. Feeling better after your bad dream?" Ash asked. Buizel nodded and gave a small *Bui* Piplup and Buneary walked over to Buizel and the sea weasel smiled at them. "So, are we gonna get some training done for the Sinnoh league?" Ash asked Pikachu and Buizel. "Pika!" Pikachu replied with a wide grin. "Bui bui." Buizel added on, pulling off a tough pose. Ash and the others laughed a little bit. "That's Buizel for you." Dawn complimented as Brock finally woke up._

_Dawn and Brock left the room so that Ash could change into his outfit. Then, the whole group headed outside for some training. Buizel smiled, as he knew that he would always have great friends like Ash, Dawn, Brock, Pikachu and the other Pokémon in the gang. He also knew that he was the luckiest sea weasel Pokémon ever, to have such a kind-hearted trainer as a friend._

_**There you have it! I love happy endings. Please Review.**_

* * *

So what's my opinion on this? Ordinary. Predictable. Character has bad dream, other character comforts first character, happily ever after, the end. But that doesn't mean this was a bad fanfic. In fact, I liked this fanfic a lot. The characters were acting like themselves, and it just made you feel good. This is a feel good fanfic. Sure, the dream sequence could use a lot more explanation and detail, I mean, Axew's nightmares make more sense. But you know, that's fine, because we don't read these type of fanfics for rich plots with twists, turns, and Chekhov's Guns. We read it to see sweet, touching moments between characters that make you feel warm inside and put a smile on your face. And I think this fanfic succeeded in doing that.

Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon Fan-

"Keldeo. . ."

Oh, um, hi Meloetta.

"I just finished reading 'Robotboy Has a Nightmare.' It's only 663 words long. There are no paragraphs. It's made entirely of short sentences-."

You didn't like it.

"No. . ."

So, you don't care of Glitterstone-

"She didnt steal the idea. I was wrong to suggest that. Like you said, the 'character has a abd dream' plot has been done to death. Glittersotne just did it a lot better than Robotboyfan. It's a common idea. No one stole anything."

Oh, okay, that's good. Well then-

(Meloetta smiles and says) "I'm Meloetta the Chick and I just reviewed some FanFiction!"

Hey no fair you stole my-

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._

_(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)_


	13. Editorial 1- Friendship is Aura

**Keldeo The Critic- Editorial- Friendship Is Aura by Kang the Guardian**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

Let's talk about My Little Pony- Friendship is Magic- DON'T CLOSE THE WEB BROWSER!

I mean, this show is good! But don't take my word for it! Ask the _millions _of Bronies out there!

This show is not for little girls! It is epic, funny, adventurous exciting, heartfelt well animated, the positives go on and on. And the characters are great too. The villains are awesome!

Sure, there are bad episodes, but what show doesn't have bad episodes! Watch "The Last Round Up", "Party of One", "Lesson Zero", "Royal Canterlot Wedding Part Two", "The Return of Harmony"-

Wait, I'm getting of topic.

You see, according to Internet Rule 50, and I quote, "Every franchise will eventually have a crossover with every other franchise in some form." So, here we have a My Little Pony Crossover with Pokemon: Friendship is Aura by Kang the Guardian on FiM Fiction .Net!

The plot is basically that Sir Aaron's Lucario from "Lucario and the Mystery of Mew," doesn't really die, but instead gets transported to Equestria. There he fights all sorts of evil monsters and villains-

_(Intro picture of Lucario from Super Smash Bros. Brawl appears) LIKE A BOSS!_

Now, I can't review the story_, _ because it's not finished yet, so I want to take this time to ask a question.

_(Keldeo leans in very close)_

WHY IS LUCARIO A GARY STU?! . . .or a Marty Stu, whatever you call them.

I mean, _my gosh!_

Okay, first off, as soon as he arrives, he immediately has a girl fall in love with him, and not just any girl! Oh no! It has to be _Luna_! The mighty, no-nonsense, ultra-powerful, moon raising, Alicorn Princess of the Night!

You might read the story and say, wait a minute. . .Luna doesn't like him! He doesn't even trust him!

Yeah. . .right. . .

She's _stalking him!_ Haven't you ever seen Amy follow Sonic around. Luna is confused about her feelings, doesn't understand this new being that came out of nowhere in _her_ kingdom, and therefore decides to kill two birds with one stone and _stalk_ him.

And then, she later_ begs for his forgiveness_ for not trusting him and treating him fairly!

Oh! And that leads up to the next problem! _Whoever disagree with him is in the wrong!_

When Luna explodes on him after he _saves a village from a dragon_, we all just wanna slap Luna senseless don't we!?

Why is the author going to such lengths to give Luna the Idiot Ball? Couldn't you have created a more plausible misunderstanding? You're just making Luna look bad and Lucario look _soooooo_ good!

And another thing, he's a genius! He is able to figure out Celestia, the Princess of the Sun, has been kidnapped and replaced with an evil shape shifting Changeling Queen with a few subtle clues he got from _stealing the Princess' diary! _Sure, for the greater good and all that, but really?

And last, but certainly not least, _LUCARIO IS TOO FREAKIN' POWERFUL!_

Not even Kyurem was this strong!

I mean, yeah, he beats a dragon, okay. But then he defeats an evil Changeling Queen who's absorbed the power of their version of the Sun god, the Moon god, and her _entire army?!_

Come on, not even_ Arceus_ was this strong!

I mean, watch this scene!

* * *

_Green light shot out of Chrysalis' body, sending magical waves over the entire battlefield. As the waves hit the changelings, they shrieked in agony as their bodies evaporated into pure energy. One by one, their energies began to flow back towards Chrysalis, who absorbed their power without delay. Bit by bit, her form began to yet again take on the appearance of Celesta. As the final changeling disappeared and was absorbed into her, she immediately conjured another flame orb above her horn._

_"I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings! I'm the herald of a new era for Equestria, and its new eternal ruler! Bow before my might, OR DIE BEFORE MY WRATH!"_

_For the third time that day, Chrysalis' flame orb exploded, sending a stream of flames towards Lucario. From a distance, Twilight desperately called out to her friends to use the Elements. She knew all too well though that it was too late. Her friends and Shining called out Lucario's name, and Cadence hid her face behind one of the pegasi's backs._

_Lucario, however, hadn't even turned around since Chrysalis began to speak. He was still walking with his eyes closed, as if paying the incoming attack no mind. As the attack closed in on him, he just clenched his fist and whispered to himself._

_"You fool…"_

_His eyes opened up, and yellow light flooded out of them._

_The world was covered in light. It engulfed the plains and spread over all of Canterlot. A few ponies back in Ponyville woke up from the brief and blinding light that covered their entire bedrooms. It wasn't a green light, like the one from Chrysalis' flames. Nor was it rainbow-colored, like the Elements of Harmony._

_It was yellow, and it seemingly covered the world like the rays of the sun itself._

_Before anypony had the time to react, the light diminished, focusing itself into Lucario's paw. In one swift move, he turned around and threw the yellow Aura Sphere against Chrysalis' attack. It effortlessly pierced through the flames, making them die out by simply being in its presence. Giant cracks in the ground were left in its wake. When it reached Chrysalis, it was as if time itself stopped for the changeling queen. It gave her enough time to think one single thought._

_Huh?_

_The group of ponies on the sidelines watched as the sphere struck Chrysalis. It took her body with it as it continued forward, flying towards the mountain side in the distance. It was but the size of a star in the night sky when it finally collided with the rock wall. Then it exploded, covering the mountain in a giant sphere of light. By the time the light finally died out, nearly a fourth of the mountain was gone. Giant rocks and boulders rolled down its slope, the mere sound of it thundering across Equestria._

* * *

So, a giant fire ball is heading towards him, and _he walks slowly, calls her a fool, and pretty much nukes him with a Golden Aura Sphere?!_

_What the heck is a Golden Aura Sphere? It's stupid! DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE! WHY-?_

* * *

_5 MINUTES LATER. . ._

* * *

I'm sorry for that outburst. . .It was foolish, over the top, and unbecoming of a Sword of Justice. I just get a little upset at the idea of a Golden Aura Sphere.

I guess the Elements of Harmony or just the Power of Friendship powered his attack up or something, but it would help if the author let us know about that! And this battle goes on forever before this, with all sorts of Deus Ex Machina stuff!

Oh, and remember when I said Kyurem wasn't as powerful as this? Well, I wasn't kidding. Kyurem shoots out big Kyurem sized attacks. Like the one that nearly killed Ash and his friends. Lucario just threw_ a Kyurem sized attack at Chrysalis! _Is there a name for a Gary/Marty Stu this crazy!?

Oh, and guess what? While Pokemon are supposed to have only 4 moves, _Lucario pretty much knows every single move that his species can learn at the same time! _He uses, like, 10 different moves during his fight with Chrysalis! You gotta be kidding me!

Look, the fact that you give him all these extra moves doesn't make his look strong, it makes him look like a cheater. But what's worse is that the author tries to balance this by giving Lucario insanely powerful foes to fight. But you know, the foes actually don't seem that threatening! Lucario even lampshades this! Throughout the battle, he pretty much says, _"You already lost. I've won. You suck. I rock. Booya!"_

And he's right! Why? Because he has to many moves! All he needed was Aura Sphere, Close Combat, Metal Sound, and Earthquake. Sure, there is a spot where he absolutely needed to use Attract, but that could've been easily been done without giving him all those extra moves. It could've been like, he forgets on move during the fight, and then replaces it with Attract. Or maybe you could've just had him have five moves, and then he learns and forgets move between battles.

But _noooooo,_ apparently Lucario, from his training with Sir Aaron, has gained the ability to learn, forget, remember, and re-learn move in rapid succession Either that or the author decided to just throw away the rules of the Pokemon Universe and just say Lucario knows 100 moves!

Lucario has to be the very biggest Gary/Marty Stu that no one ever was! He's extremely over powered, he invokes the Worf effect, he's like this super duper savior of the world, everyone likes him, only one character doesn't like him, the character that doesn't like him only feels the way because of mixed up and confused feelings, the feelings were caused by romantic feelings, that character ends up realizes how wrong she was and begs for forgiveness, oh my gosh! What's next? Is he gonna stop the Apocalypse?

Oh wait, _he is gonna stop the Apocalypse!_

That's right, the Lord of Tartarus, A.K.A Hell, is planning to bust out and destroy Equestria! And guess who's gonna defeat him!

From where this is going, I can predict the highly predictable Gary/Marty Stu endings.

Either Lucario will win after an epic battle, he'll die a Disney Death and be revived by a kiss from Luna and then win the epic battle, or he'll be killed of for real just after a sad love confession scene a go to be with Sir Aaron like the end of "Lucario and the Mystery of Mew." That would actually be pretty awesome. It would be like, between his death in the movie and the Heaven scene, this whole fanfic happened! That would be cool.

Bottom line. . .this story is pretty good!

Sure, Lucario's a Stu, but just because a fanfic has a Stu doesn't make it a bad fanfic. Heck, "Terror at the Pokemon World Tournament" has a Villain Stu, and it's still awesome! The battles are intense, the scenes can be touching at times, you feel worried about the characters, and despite Lucario moral high horse (no pun intended) he's still a like-able character. Plus, it has a lot of questions just waiting to be answered, so I'll definitely be following this story!

Well, I'm Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction!

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

tvtropes . org

fimfiction . net

_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._

_(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)_


	14. Breaking the Chains- Chapters 1 to 3

**Keldeo The Critic- Breaking the Chains by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

What can I say, I've got _Lucario Fever!_

Have you used him in Super Smash Brothers Brawl!? This guy is awesome!

* * *

_Force Palm! Force Palm! Now kick him back! Kick! Then Aura Sphere! Take that Pikachu! Yeah! Pikachu's blasting off again! Hahahahaaaa!_

* * *

So, I'm going to review some Lucario FanFiction! First, we're gonna do AuraWielder's "Breaking the Chains!" Yeah, I referenced one of his stories back in my **"Music", "Umbrella", and "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts" Part One by DragonNiro **review.

* * *

_There is an author nameD AuraWielder, and in chapter 5 of his fanfic "From Death to Damnation," Dilaga and Giratina put a blonde wig, lipstick, nailpolish, impossible 6 inch high heels, and a showgirl's outfit on Lugia so that he can entice Landorus. . .and it works. . ._

* * *

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but this one is better. That is, it doesn't smash through the boundaries of comprehension. So, lets get into AuraWielder's awesome Lucario story, "Breaking the Chains!"

* * *

_**Breaking the Chains**_

_Author: AuraWielder PM_

_Pain. Hurt. Misery. Torture. That was all I ever knew. That was all I was ever used for. I've been a captive of Team Galactic for as long as I can remember and that's all I would ever be to them. Just another experiment. Contains Christian themes._

* * *

MAN, THIS IS GONNA SUCK!

_(Keldeo quickly slaps his hooves against his mouth. He puts his hooves down and sighs.)_

Okay, let me explain. When I read FanFiction, I don't wanna be depressed. I don't wanna an awesome Pokemon like Lucario be tortured. I don't wanna see anybody be tortured! I'm a Sword of Justice! I protect the weak! I can't save the weak if they're in a FanFic! I can't travel into stories! I'm not Sonic the Hedgehog! This is torture! TORTURE!

_(Keldeo sighs and hangs his head. He massages his temples with his hooves and looks up.)_

Alright, I'm just gonna skip past the torture and verbal abuse scenes and go straight to the story narrative parts. So lets start.

In Chapter 1: Broken Hope, we see a Lucario, who's story is being told by First Person by the way, being kept in a cell by the EVIL Team Galactic. Wow, that is _so_ one Generation ago, two is you count Pokemon X and Y.

Lucario's under the torment of the EVIL Dr. Anderson, who's a _little_ more evil than Dr. Atmosphere in "Rainbow Factory."

So after a _fun_ torture scene-

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere self-test complete._

We find out that AuraWielder gets the "DOES NOT USE A POKEDEX" Medal!

* * *

_I slowly crawled over to a corner of the cell. In this corner was a tile that was very loose. I pulled it up and set it to the side to reveal a small opening. In here, I kept a treasured book. One I've had for as long as I can remember. I took it out and dusted off the cover. The book was a sacred one, an important piece of its religion, but also an important part of me._

_I flipped to a page that had my bookmark sticking out, which was actually a photo of me and my parents that was taken shortly before…they died. But I don't want to go into that._

_I placed the picture in my side pouch that was really part of my skin._

* * *

Does he know the difference between a Kangaskhan and a Lucario? _Lucarios don't have pouches!_

Okay, but I'm being mean. This is a touching and sad scene, with him remembering his parents.

But then it kinda falls apart.

* * *

_I got to my knees and began to pray, "My God. I can't take it here any longer. I have been abused, experimented on, and tortured. And they plan to kill me tomorrow, so please; help me escape. I want the chance to see life outside these walls again. And maybe meet…someone who won't hurt me. Someone I can trust. Please, watch over me tonight. And, somehow, help me survive tomorrow. In your name I pray, Amen."_

_I laid down on the stone-cold floor again; thinking today would be my last day alive. Little did I know He would answer my prayers…_

* * *

It's kinda strange for there to be Christianity in the Pokemon world, seeing as Arceus is apparently the creator. I'm guessing that in AuraWielder's headcannon, Arceus, Dialga, and Palkia are just really powerful Pokemon who have some influences in life forces, time and space, but it turns out the humans exaggerated the legends and made them out to be creators. Meanwhile, God is still THE God and Creator. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be Arceus! I mean, impersonating anyone can get you in trouble, but _God? _I think I'd better drop it and just refer you to "**Alpha and Omega"** by Archon of Darkness. Read it, it's good. By the way, note to self: "Review "**Alpha and Omega"** by Archon of Darkness. . .

_(Two wolves suddenly stuck their heads in. Keldeo turned around and faced them before they could speak.)_

NOT THAT MOVIE!

_(The wolves whimpered and hung their heads, then they left.)_

Okay, moving on, in Chapter 2: Breaking Free of Misery, the EVIL Dr. Anderson starts to carry out his EVIL plan to create the Ultimate Pokemon! Gosh this villain is so cliched. . .

* * *

_"Finally, you woke up." Cyrus sighed. "I had to hit you over the head 10 times to wake you up, you believe that? Guess I used too strong of a sedative. Ah well."_

_"Why didn't you just leave me unconscious?" I wondered._

_"Because the aura extraction will only work if you are awake. Otherwise, our Ultimate Pokémon will have your aura, but will be unable to use it." he explained._

_I noticed three large blue wires connected to a hemispherical suction cup that Dr. Anderson placed over my heart, which also held my aura center; something I figured out yesterday. It didn't hurt; it just felt kinda…funny._

* * *

And speaking of funny. . .

* * *

_Several seconds of silence passed before I decided to ask, "Am I suppose to feel anything?"_

_Cyrus groaned. "Why is the machine not working?" he demanded of the nervous scientist._

_"I-I-I d-don't know, s-s-sir. The stabilizers are i-i-in working c-condition. The g-g-gyroscopes are…"_

_"Did you forget to plug it in?" he asked, sarcastically._

_The scientist gasped. "That might work!" He ran off to check, carelessly leaving the switch in the 'ON' position._

_Cyrus slapped his head, saying 'Dear God, I'm surrounded by idiots…", and I chuckled despite the fact I'll be dying soon._

_"YOU WILL BE QUIET!" he commanded._

_I did as he said and shut the heck up._

_"I found the problem!" shouted the young scientist._

_Cyrus, Dr. Anderson, and three other people: a red short-haired woman, a purple-haired woman who had a small stub for a ponytail, and a spiky blue-haired man who; unlike Cyrus, had only two points of his hair sticking up, approached the young scientist who was behind the large machine._

_"Well, what is it?" demanded the red short-haired woman._

_"It really WAS unplugged!"_

_Everybody sweatdropped, including me, at the young scientist's stupidity._

* * *

_Wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!_

And what do you know, all the Team Galactic leaders are in this! Which is weird because isn't Team Galactic focused on capturing the Lake trio to control Dialga and Palkia to create a new world, hence the name "Galactic?" What would they need a Mewtwo/Shadow the Hedgehog knock of for?

Lucky for our Lucario, the machine just blows up, _gosh this is like a comedy of errors, the Team Rocket Trio could do better than this,_ allowing Lucario to escape through an air vent. Yeah, that's right, _an air vent._

Okay, this is_ Half-Life! _This chapter should be renamed _"Half-Life: Lost Aura!" _I suppose Team Rocket headquarters is being flooded with neurotoxin by a rouge AI right about now!

_GLaDOS: Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light. Surrender now or I will warm up the neurotoxin emitters. . . .That's right_

So Lucario escapes and runs for his life. But wait! He's still wearing a tracking device!

* * *

_I looked down at my foot. The metal anklet…how could I be so stupid? Of course, this escape was futile from the start. Why, you ask? Because not only did the metal anklet serve as an electric shocker, but it also worked as a tracking device. It could only be taken off with a special keycard. If I ran, Team Galactic would surely find me anyway. It's hopeless…I'm gonna die._

_I reached my hand into my side pouch to pull out the picture of my parents to look at it one last time. But to my surprise, I felt something else in there besides the picture. It was rectangular and flat. I quickly withdrew the other item from my pocket._

_"A Team Galactic keycard?"_

_I flipped the card and saw the back. In a gold cursive font, it read:_

_'An answer to your prayers.'_

_"How'd this end up my pocket? I surely didn't put it in there… And who wrote this?"_

_I decided not to waste time pondering the subject. I inserted the keycard into the metal device and it snapped off. Then I ran._

_I ran away from this prison._

_Away from this nightmare._

_And towards…_

_Towards freedom._

* * *

So, thanks to a little help from God, Lucario escapes.

You could probably stop reading here and be okay. Really, this would be a nice one-shot/Christian devotional. But nope! The story goes on, and we know that Team Galactic's gonna find him! Sure, it looks all hopefully and rosy and bright, but _we know_ he's gonna get found out, and possibly bring any new friends he makes into mortal peril along with him!

So in Chapter 3: A New Light; A New Hope, it turns out that the sedative Dr. Anderson gave him is kicking in again.

* * *

_"Aaaaaahhhhh!" I clutched my head to try to stop it, but to no avail._

_"It must be the sedative's side effects." I thought._

_It felt like someone stuck a knife in my head. I howled out in pain. I tossed and turned uncontrollably. I felt like I might die but, the effects finally reached my central nervous system and I collapsed, unconscious._

_When I woke up, I found myself lying in something…soft and…warm. I discovered I was on a bed, but I never felt one in my life. I was covered with a few blankets: one thin and blue, another slightly thicker but light green, and they were very comfortable. I almost forgot what I was doing here, until I heard someone say…_

_"I'm glad to see you're still alive."_

_I turned to the source of the voice and saw a spiky black-haired man, with the spikes forced down. He had on a simple blue shirt, and blue jeans. His eyes were blue, and across his neck was a gold pendant._

* * *

This is Riley, an actual Anime character from Diamond and Pearl 110, _Steeling a Piece of Mind. _Get it! "Steeling!" "Stealing!"

_**Ba-Dum! Tish!**_

_(Keldeo laughed as he looked towards the nearby band. He smiles at the bald headed drummer)_

Ha-ha! Did ya like that Nicky? Did ya?

_(Nicky smiles and nods as the rest of the band chuckles)_

__Okay, _(Keldeo takes out a sheet of paper and looks at it)_ so we'll be right back in a while with a Steel-type Pokemon Trainer Riley. Play us out, _Koffing and the Toxics!_

_(Roxie counts out a "1, 2, 3, 4!" and the 3 person band starts playing epic rock music._

**We'll be right back!**

**_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._**


	15. Dramatic Skit 2

The rock band, "Koffing and the Toxins" starts playing some dramatic sounding music. The beat is repetitive, and almost hypnotic in nature. After the serious tune goes on for a while, the band starts singing lyrics to the rhythm of the music.

_Now Galactic's tale isn't quite as plain_

_As presenting in the Pokemon Anime_

_But their plans are simple when you get to know them_

_And the test subject's tears and screams of pain_

The band's music gets stronger and louder, with twangs of electric guitar within. The beat and bass gets more intense as the band plays with serious faces on. Their voices are almost in monotone, and bring a sense of fear and foreboding.

_Let's delve deeper into Galactic's philosophy_

_Far beyond Diamond and Pearl's mythology_

_It's easy to underestimate that villainous team _

_And dismiss its goals and psychotic dreams_

_But with all villainous teams comes villainous insanity_

_That of Team Galactic being power and weaponry_

_"How" you ask "Are they up to the task?"_

_To which the answer is in a secret facility_

The band plays the hard, pounding music with electric guitar for a short stanza before continuing.

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where your fears and horror come true_

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where not a single soul gets through_

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where your fears and horror come true_

The band then plays some more, and then Roxie performs a guitar solo. The guitar puts out an almsot sad, depressing sound, which gives the aura of doom and hopelessness, and ab it of grief and sadness. After her solo, the band plays the dramamatic music some more, and then they sing the finals lines a few more times before it fades out. . .

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where your fears and horror come true_

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where not a single soul gets through_

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where your fears and horror come true_

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where your fears and horror come true_

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where not a single soul gets through_

_In the Team Galactic labs_

_Where your fears and horror come true. . . . _


	16. Breaking the Chains- Chapters 3 to 5

**Keldeo The Critic- Breaking the Chains by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

_(Roxie and her band conclude their epic rock music with a few strong, final notes)_

Okay, okay.

_(Keldeo looks down to read the sheet of paper)_

So, here with us today we've got Riley! He's a Steel-type Pokemon Trainer, he's Training to become an Aura Guardian- what the heck am I doing?!

_(Keldeo tosses the paper aside)_

Back to the review!

So Riley feeds Lucario and does everything he can to make him feel better.

* * *

_"But why would you help me?" I asked him._

_He laughed. Not cruelly, but…happily. "I'm not heartless enough to leave a Pokémon to die in the middle of the street. The PokéCenters were closed because yesterday was the 4th of July, so that's why I took you back to my home in Canalave City."_

_"Oh….OK." I ate up the food he gave to me. Every bite seemed like a small piece of heaven, especially considering the food I've had in the past…_

_"You enjoy it?" he asked me. I nodded._

_"Oh, I'm sorry. I never did introduce myself. My name's Riley." he announced. He stuck out his hand towards me for some odd reason. I wondered what I was supposed to do._

_The man…err…Riley looked at me in puzzlement._

_"It's a handshake." he told me. "When we shake hands, it's a way of greeting each other. So, may I please have your name?"_

_We then shook hands. "I am Test Subject L-25167 of Team Galactic Labs." I recited within the span of 2 seconds. I then sunk my body into the covers._

_"Test…Subject? Of Team Galactic?"_

_"You're probably going to turn me in for some kind of reward, aren't you?" I sighed. "Humans do anything for money…"_

_"But I would never."_

_"What?"_

_"Man," Riley sighed. "You need to know that the kind of stuff Team Galactic does…it's Pokémon cruelty…and it's illegal."_

_"How do even know of Team Galactic?" I wondered. "They keep their operations top-secret."_

_"I've done my research." he said. "But I don't have enough proof to bring them to justice."_

* * *

So. . .this normal. . .guy. . .somehow managed to find out what Team Galactic is doing, even though it's a top secret organoization that not even Officer Jenny knows about? Is he friends with Looker or something?

* * *

_"D..Do you want to know my name?"_

_He nodded. "It would be nice to have a name to call you by."_

_"O..Ok.., My name is Aaron. It means strength." I told him._

_"Good, it's a pleasure to meet you Aaron." he acknowledged. "I'll come in to check on you later, all right?"_

_"Aaron. Why does that name sound familiar…?" He pondered for a brief moment, but then decided to shrug it off._

* * *

Maybe its because it's the name of a certain famous Aura Guardian who sacrificed his life to save Mew and the Tree of Life. . .but I digress.

* * *

_He left the room, leaving me alone._

_"It's odd." I thought to myself. "Why…Why would this human display kindness toward me? Everyone I know has treated me with cruelty. It…just doesn't make any sense. I think he's probably using me for his own benefit. But… if he is, he's certainly taking some elaborate measures…"_

_Sometime later, I had decided to fiddle with what Riley called the T.V. I stared at it. It was big. Bigger than any monitor I've seen in my life. On the nightstand was a small, rectangular black box. Maybe this had something to do with working the T.V.? Curiously, I messed with this, pressing several random buttons until something happened. To my surprise, the T.V. shone with life. Colors gradually faded in until the whole screen was showing. Sound also came through some small holes on the bottom of the T.V._

_On the T.V. right now was a program about a cat and a mouse. I decided to watch. The cat was trying to kill the mouse, but the mouse was outsmarting him. During the show, I found myself…laughing like Riley had earlier. I had never laughed before so it was a very weird sound for me to produce. But…it felt great. I couldn't stop laughing at the humorous antics of the cat and mouse._

* * *

Tom and Jerry Tales! The show that's as just as far from its source material as Teen Titans GO!, The Looney Tunes Show, and Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated. It has 50% less slapstick, and 100% more senseless destruction of the character's surroundings! So if you want to know what made the MGM lion roll in this grave, watch Tom, and Jerry Tales on Cartoon Network!

And another thing, why would Aaron, who's been tortured and threatened with death for years, find a show like this funny? I mean, characters are being electrocuted, punched hit on the head, beaten up. This should hit real close to home! It's like showing a wounder war veteran with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome a war picture! Seriously, how is this funny to him?

* * *

_"Sounds like you're enjoying yourself." said Riley._

_I turned to my side and saw him standing in the doorway. Oh no… I shouldn't have been messing with his stuff. Sure he took me in... But that doesn't mean I should've touched anything. I did this once at Team Galactic and was whipped very brutally for it. At the very least, I could've asked for permission._

_I quickly turned off the T.V., (I figured out it was that red button in the corner) and set the remote back on the nightstand._

_"Sorry…Just go easy with the whip…" I half-whispered, half-pleaded._

_He looked at me. "Don't worry about it. You didn't even have to… wait… did you just say 'whip'?"_

_"Yes…" I whispered._

_"So that's what those long cuts on your body were…" Riley sighed. "Who the hell would treat Pokémon like that?"_

_"Aren't all Pokémon dealt with the same way? They're just slaves to their masters, subject to their master's will…"_

_I didn't want to, and tried not to, but I began to cry. They started as small drops that quickly turned into waterworks. I finally let all my pain of years of torture go._

_To my surprise, I suddenly felt…warm. I opened my eyes with tears still in them, but could make out Riley…hugging me. It felt comforting. Like a nice warm blanket, but better…much, much better._

_It seemed to take forever, but my tears finally began to dry up and I looked up at Riley with clear eyes._

_"Are you feeling better?" he asked me._

_I didn't say a word, but I nodded to let him know._

_"That's good."_

* * *

Why do hugs always solve everything?

Rampaging Pikachu with electric flu? Hug him!

Rampaging Chimchar going out of control with Blaze ability? Hug him!

Let's hope we don't have a rampaging Slugma! Oh, that would hurt.

So after we change to Riley's POV, and as Riley goes to get some antiseptic to clean Aaron's wounds, he is visited by the EVIL Dr. Anderson

* * *

_I had my doubts about this guy. For one thing, most trainers are in total panic when their Pokémon are lost. He appeared very calm to me, not exactly what I would call 'very worried' and was even… smiling? But this smile seemed almost sadistic._

_I wasn't sure if I should tell him that I might have his Lucario. I did find Aaron at the base of Veilstone Forest, but he was in a grave condition. I highly doubted that he was just 'training' him, because no respectable trainer would ever push their Pokémon that far._

_And so, I decided…_

_"No, I haven't seen him."_

_…to lie._

_"Hmm…" He eyed me suspiciously; with me secretly hoping he'd buy the lie. Fortunately, he did._

_"Well, okay." said the doctor. "But if you see him, give me a call."_

_He put a small piece of paper in my pocket which I assumed was a phone number, and then left._

_I closed the door and thought to myself; "If that guy is Aaron's owner, why on earth would…he…"_

_Several minutes ago:_

_Aaron: "I am Test Subject L-25167 of Team Galactic Labs."_

_Aaron: "All humans are same. Selfish and evil…"_

_Aaron: "Aren't all Pokémon dealt with the same way? They're just slaves to their masters, subject to experimentation…"_

_Now it came to me; loud and clear._

_Dr. Anderson…_

_He was with Team Galactic._

_He had caused Aaron so much pain._

_He had experimented on him…but…why?_

_What purpose did he have?_

* * *

I could make a Sherlock Riley joke here, but this was technically a no brainier unless Riley had reason to believe Aaron was lying, but those whip makes kinda confirm Aaron's words! And, Dr. Anderson, "your" Lucario had huge lacerations on his back! How do you expect anyone to tell you where Aaron is if he's been brutally wounded under your care? And another thing, _Aaron can talk! _He probably would've told anyone he met about you and how sadistic you are. You made a big mistake by searching for him. If I were Riley, I would've kicked your right in the face and left you for Officer Jenny, cause you are obviously the one who tortured Aaron!

Seriously, _this _is how the scene _should have_ went:

_Anderson: Have you seen my Lucario?_

_Riley: Was he near Veilstone Forest?_

_Anderson: Yeah._

_Riley: Was he wounded?_

_Anderson: Yeah._

_Riley: Were his wounds grossly infected?_

_Anderson: Yeah._

_Riley: Were his wounds clearly from some sort of whip?_

_Anderson: Yeah._

_Riley: Was the Lucario completely stressed out, traumatized, and spoke of great terrors and abuse by the hand of sadistic scientists who worked under the evil organization known as Team Galactic?_

_Anderson: . . . . . . yeah._

_(Riley takes off his belt and starts beating Anderson with all his strength)_

_Riley: There! See how you like it! You can dish it out but ya can't take it back, can you, you spawn of-!_

Okay, okay, okay, I really should calm down. But, I am a Sword of Justice. I can't bear to see injustice and do nothing about! Like I said, TORTURE!

So in Chapter 4: Founded Trust, it turns out Maylene, the Fighting Type Sinnoh Gym Leader, and her Lucario are coming for a visit. And, what do you know! Rliey has a crush on Maylene!

* * *

_"That short orange hair, her gorgeous skin, her killer blue eyes and that cute band-aid on her nose…sigh…she's perfect in every way." I wondered dreamily._

* * *

Oh gosh, this is gonna get old real quick!

But wait! Aaron's presence interferes with their date!

* * *

_"Things are just great, Riley." she answered. "Come on, we'd better get going if we want to keep our breakfast reservations at the Vistas."_

_I sweatdropped. In the back of my head, I realized, "Crap, I forgot about the reservations! But…I can't just leave Aaron here. What do I do?"_

_"Riley?" she asked. "What's the hold-up?"_

_"I think I should just come out with it."_

_"Maylene, there's something I need to tell you." I confessed._

_She gasped, and Lucas shot daggers in my eyes; and spoke in a strong voice telepathically,_

_"If you hurt her, I swear to God, you'll wish you were never born."_

* * *

_(Keldeo jumps up in shock and fear)_

_AH!_

Since when could Maylene's Lucario, who is apparently named Lucas for some reason, use telepathy? He didn't use it when Ash and the gang ran into them! What, does he only talk to certain people? And, gosh, this guy is. . .darn! Lucas apparently hates Riley's guts? But why?

. . .something tells me I shouldn't have asked.

Okay, so Riley decides to invite them in for lunch instead.

Meanwhile, Anderson is wondering how Aaron could have escaped.

* * *

_"How could that Lucario take off the tracking device? It's nearly indestructible! Let me take another look at it."_

_He opened a drawer attached to the bottom of the desk and pulled out a small metal anklet. On the cold steel was a Team Galactic emblem. Although the anklet was unlocked, it showed no sign of being forced open._

_But he noticed something. Out of a long, thin slot, an object appeared to be sticking out. He pulled it out._

_"A Team Galactic keycard? How…How did that Lucario get his damn hands this?" he hollered._

_Realization hit him._

_"I'm the only person who's been near him for the past few days, except for when Cyrus took him to the main lab but he was unconscious. Then that means…"_

_Dr. Anderson quickly checked his wallet, where he kept important items such as money…and Galactic keycards._

_However, he was extremely surprised to discover his keycard was still in his wallet, safe and sound._

_"If… my keycard is here…then…WHOSE DID HE USE?"_

_He examined the keycard again. There was nothing wrong with the front or back. However, there was mysteriously no ID number on it…or any sort of identification at all._

* * *

So, either the writing disappeared, or you have to be a Christian in order to see it? Whatever.

So, in Chapter 5: Protector-

* * *

_Author's Note: I was slightly hesitant about posting this chapter due to implied sexual assault, a subject I haven't covered before. Feel free to skip the chapter if it bothers you, it's not vital to the story. But I got my guts up and did it if that count for something._

* * *

OH YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

How does adding a plot point like this tell the story any better?

So, when Maylene approached Aaron-

* * *

_Maylene giggled at Riley's stuttering, and came over to me. I was sweating nervously as she approached me; my brain only pulling up the worst-possible case scenario that could happen. I had a horrible flashback to one of my memories back at Team Galactic._

_My words became jittery and shaky as they came out._

_"W-W-What a-are you g-g-going to d-do t-to me?" I yelled in panic. I didn't know this woman and was scared of her._

_She turned out to be more scared of **me.** She froze, then backed away and looked as though she just saw a Ghost Pokémon._

_Almost immediately, another Lucario jumped out in front of her and roared viciously,_

_"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? Trying to scare my master like that? I'm gonna murder you!"_

_He charged towards me. I was scared out of my mind right now, not knowing what to do until Riley screamed,_

_"Hold it!"_

_He caught Maylene's and my attention, but the other Lucario was still charging towards me. I held my hands out in front of me, preparing to counterattack._

_"Lucas, stop!" ordered Maylene._

_The other Lucario, Lucas; didn't either hear the two or care. I was guessing the latter. I was ready to counter Lucas' attack, but in the blink of an eye, Riley held out his hands and two…Aura Waves…generated from the ground. They enclosed and restrained Lucas._

_"Hey!" he yelled. "Let me go!"_

_"H-How? How's it even possible?" I quietly whispered._

_I slowly approached Riley, confused by what I had just witnessed._

_"How on earth can you use aura? I've…never seen a human use the power of aura before."_

_He shrugged his shoulders. "It's a gift, I guess."_

* * *

Oh my gosh, where do I start?

First of all, how is Aaron yelling? Lucas was yelling. Aaron was stammering. AuraWeilder, if you want to prtray yelling, use either **Bold,** _italics, _ALL CAPS, _**OR ALL THREE. **_Otherwise, I don't see how Aaron could possibly have scared Maylene. And another thing, she owns a Lucario! She's a Gym Leader! How could see possibly be scared! And also, Lucas, oh my gosh, Lucas. This guy is freakin nuts! I mean, what's wrong with him. He's a sociopath! The only reason he was jerk in the Anime was because Paul put Maylene into a Heroic Blue Screen of Death, and he was trying to snap her out of it. Here, he's being a cold hearted jerk.

The only good thing about this scene is that it introduces Riley's Aura powers.

But then, we get a flashback of a Team Galactic woman _raping Aaron._ That's right, a human woman rapes a Pokemon.

WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO DO THAT?

I guess that lady believed in bestiality, I guess that's a valid explanation. But, is there any reason why this story needed that? Is it so we'd pity Aaron more? Don't you think you're going a little too far? I mean, it's like in that episode of Friendship is Witchcraft, "Dragone Baby Gone". . .

_Gypsy Pie: Look at the birght side! At least you have a father!_

_Cult Leader Fluttershy: Yes, but it was my father who left me to fend for myself in the frozen tundra with nothing but a hatchet and a length of rope. I would've died if a pack of wolves hadn't taken me in as one of their own._

_DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!_

_Cult Leader Fluttershy: But I wasn't safe! It turned out the wolves were robots built by my father to lure me into a false sense of security. I awoke one morning to find that he had slaughtered them all and left a message in the snow reading "I dare you to love again."_

_DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!_

_Cult Leader Fluttershy: But the message was actually written in ant pheromone. I was soon swarmed by thousands of rapid African ants, all of then trying to burrow into my flesh to get to the queen larva my father. . ._

**SHUT-UP!**

_(Keldoe sighed)  
_

Okay, that's as much as I can take in one sitting. I'll be right back after a word from my sponsor.

**We'll be right back!**

**_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._**


	17. Commercial 2

_Hey folks, are you a Christian?_

_Do you like Pokemon?_

_Do you like FanFiction?_

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_Do you like Christian Pokemon FanFiction?_

_Well then. . ._

_TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY!_

_Introducing: __**The Christian/Pokemon Community!**_

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_It has the best Christian Fanfiction authors, like FictionaryMan03895, AuraWielder, and more! _

_It has 15 stories as of now, and it keeps on growing and growing!_

_Take a visit and browse the stories, or add you own Christian stories into the mix!_

_So what are you waiting for! Get into the world of Christian Pokemon!_

_**The Christian/Pokemon Community! Gotta catch 'em all for the glory of God!**_


	18. Breaking the Chains- Chapters 5 to 7

**Keldeo The Critic- Breaking the Chains by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

Okay. . .so after that _disturbing _ scene, Riley comes to a decision.

* * *

_Everybody stood completely still and they were deadly silent._

_Maylene was the first to utter even a single sound._

_"Oh my goodness." were her only words. Her right hand was over her mouth and her eyes were tearing, terrified by my tale._

_"She… actually…oh, I can't even say it…" asked Riley fearfully, hoping what I had said wasn't true. Riley's eyes looked at horrified as Maylene's._

_Even Lucas was at a complete loss for words._

_"My goodness…" whispered Maylene. "I didn't think anyone on this entire planet could stoop that low…"_

_"No one should ever have to deal with that…" sighed Riley._

_I nodded my head solemnly in agreement._

_"And you won't ever will again."_

_I lifted my head and glanced at him._

_"What do you mean by that?" I asked him._

_Riley smiled. "If…you wanted to…, you could stay here…I mean, if you like, that is."_

_After a few seconds of silence, the meaning of what he had said finally hit me. My eyes began to tear and I was thinking it was too good to be true._

_"But…why would you?" I inquired. "You don't have any reason to and..."_

_Riley stopped me from blabbing on._

_"I don't NEED a reason to, Aaron; it's because I WANT to. I mean…locked up for years. You've missed out on a lot of stuff life has to offer…and I'd like the opportunity to show you what."_

_He smiled; showing his bright white teeth. It was a really different kind of smile than Team Galactic scientists and lackeys had. It was not…malicious…or evil at all. Riley's had an honest, happy vibe coming from it. It was that kind of smile you see when someone's gone away for a long trip and they come back to a loving, caring family full of them._

_I smiled back, grateful for his kindness. I said two little, though very meaningful words back to him._

_"Thank you."_

_"It's no problem."_

_Riley looked at the digital clock on the nightstand next to me._

_"Hmm. It's almost 1. *sigh* Guess we're too late for those reservations. Maylene, again, I'm really…"_

_Maylene interrupted him. "Riley, don't sweat it. I completely understand. Besides, you said you had something to eat here, didn't you?"_

_Riley's face appeared to light up._

_"Oh, that's right! I have some steaks in the freezer I bought a few days ago. I'm sure everyone would enjoy them."_

_I was curious. I had never experienced human or even Pokémon food. I wondered what they tasted like._

_"Riley and I will heat up the steaks." Maylene stated. She turned towards me and Lucas._

_"Why don't you two take the chance to get to know each other? Maybe you guys could become the best of friends." she smiled._

_It was a truthful smile, just like Riley's. But, unfortunately, she didn't know just how wrong she was._

_I forgot this the second she rubbed my head and scratched behind my ears._

_"Oh man, that feels SO good!" I said happily to myself._

_To my surprise, she didn't do the same with Lucas and left with Riley. I didn't bother to question her._

* * *

So, we've apparently graduated from hugging to getting rubbed on the head! How quaint. Well, things seem to be going well now-.

* * *

_I tried to make small-talk with Lucas._

_"We never properly introduced ourselves." I told him. "I'm…"_

_"Shut up." he answered harshly._

* * *

_(Keldeo jumps in fear)_

Ah!

* * *

_I sighed. "I'm trying to be nice and open up here. Could you at least show some respect?"_

_"You think I actually care?"_

* * *

AH!

* * *

_"If you think that both of you can just waltz in and take Maylene, you've got another thing coming. If you hurt her, I swear to God Almighty, you'll pay with your life."_

* * *

AHHHHHHH!

Okay, seriously! What is with this guy! He's_ terrifying!_ He's a total psychopath! I mean, Aaron just told him the story on how he was _raped!_ I'm guessing Lucas is not a Christian, seeing as he's taking the Lord's name in vain, shows no kindness of brotherly love for his fellow Mon whatsoever, and is threatening to kill nearly everyone he meets! Could you _please_ give me an explanation for all this?

* * *

_"What makes you think that I would want to hurt her? That's the last thing I would ever want to do." I truthfully confessed._

_Lucas sighed, "I'm sorry. I just get really concerned about her is all. I don't want anything bad happening to her. When you startled her, my protective instincts sorta kicked in. I would lay my life out for her in a heartbeat."_

_I grinned. "That is SOME level of dedication you have. You must really love her."_

_"More than just as a master." he whispered, barely audible._

_My eyes widened, in curiosity and hesitance to ask him. Still, I kept urging. "What…do you mean by 'more than just as a master'?"_

_"*sigh* I…Man, I can't believe I'm telling this to a total stranger…but…"_

_"But…"_

_"I…I think I love her." Lucas confessed._

* * *

_(Keldeo's eyes are wide, and he blinks slowly)_

What?

* * *

_I smiled. "Well, of cour…"_

_Mid-sentence, the meaning of his words sunk in and when they were comprehensible, I felt like vomiting. I was disgusted, but more confused than anything._

_I slowly began to speak again. "As a… mate?"_

_Lucas simply nodded silently._

* * *

WHAT!?

A Pokemon's in love with a human? A Pokemon!

* * *

_I resisted the urge to throw up on what looked like an expensive rug of Riley's. "You…You realize that is wrong in at least 3 different ways, right?"_

_Lucas left his meditating position on the floor and stood up to face me at eye-level. "Yes…Biologically, morally and religiously." Lucas sighed. "I was raised all my life knowing that. And I never had this…intense emotion for her, would be the way to describe it, until Riley came along."_

* * *

_(Keldeo opens and closes his mouth a few times, at a loss for words. Then he finds his voice)_

DUMB! THIS IS DUMB!

This can't be for real! It can't be! No _Christian_ fanfic could be this stupid! It has to be a dream sequence! I just has to be! I mean, what the heck am I reading! It's like "Beauty and the Beast" written by Rod Serling!

I'm at a loss for words. This has got to be the dumbest twist I've ever seen in my life! A Pokemon has a crush on a human? What sick, twisted brain would come up with something so stupid! Do you realize what the implications are? Do you know what pops into your head when you read this chapter? Well, let me show you!

_Lucas' mind: Wow! This lucky guy got do to do a hot human. I'm so jealous. But it was a stranger, I guess that made it weird. Too bad it couldn't have been me and Maylene. That would've been awesome. I think I'll just sit here and imagine that scene with me and Maylene. Oh yeah. . .nice. . ._

You see what you did there! You made one of the protagonists a sick, disgusting. . .gah!

Okay, I guess he wasn't _really_ thinking that, but the way these two scenes are connected, it really makes your mind jump to disturbing conclusions!

And again, how does these plot points tell the story any better? I don't see the point of having them. It doesn't add to the plot, it distracts from the story.

* * *

_"I'm not an expert on this kind of thing, but…" I shrugged._

_"But what?" Lucas asked anxiously, with an evident tone of impatience and anger in his voice._

_"I really think you just might be jealous of her." I told him honestly._

_He crossed his arms and his gaze on me began to intensify; his blood-red eyes staring straight into my soul._

_"And just in what the hell makes you think that?" he inquired angrily and sarcastically._

_I ignored his tone as I answered his question. "Think about it. Maylene now has Riley in her life and you feel…left out, right?"_

_Lucas' gaze on me did not diminish as he replied, "Yes."_

_There was no emotion at all in his response. Neither anger or sadness, nor jealousy or hate._

_He sat down on the bed next to me and spoke. I could feel his aura, formerly closed; now beginning to open up._

_"I never… really had many friends besides Maylene." he admitted._

_"Doesn't Maylene have other Pokémon?"_

_"Yes… but I don't really talk with them. I'm… not really good at socializing."_

_"I understand. I never got any chances to socialize at all, being trapped like a rat in a lab for… what, 3 years?" I tried to recall._

_He looked at me, his gaze gone and replaced with a respectful look at me._

_"You went through a lot, haven't you?"_

_I nodded. "I haven't even told you the whole story."_

_I quickly returned to the conversation at hand. "Anyway, talk to Maylene about this. She'll want to help you through this. And don't worry, you'll definitely find that special Pokémon eventually."_

_Lucas seemed to accept my support for him. He smiled with determination and said two words to me,_

_"Thank you."_

* * *

And then you resolve the plot point in one chapter? What's wrong with you?! Why not just not put it in there to begin with! Gosh! This chapter was horrible! The worst let! I'm not even half way through the story yet!

So, starting with Chapter 6: The End of the Past, now we enter the Sitcom Zone. A bunch of chapters that are mostly "the Riley, Aaron, Maylene, and Lucas show"! Complete with _failed jokes!_

* * *

_"Oh wait, that reminds me." said Lucas. "Did Maylene tell y'all about what happened on Route 214?"_

_"Don't think so." said Riley._

_"Oh man, it's too hilarious!" laughed Maylene. "You tell it, Lucas."_

_"All right, there was this one time we were out practicing at Route 214, near Valor Lakefront." spoke Lucas._

_"Yeah."_

_"Well, while we were there, this over-confident, arrogant excuse of a trainer comes along. I felt his presence before he saw us and hid in the bushes. I told Maylene to hide, too."_

_"And I had no idea what he was trying to do." claimed Maylene._

_"So anyway, he's coming from Veilstone claiming, 'I'm the best Pokémon trainer in the universe! Nothing can stop me from beating the Elite Four! Nothing scares…' And then at this point, I leapt out of the bushes, turn to him and roared ferociously."_

_Riley picked up his glass and began to drink his water._

_"I swear his face turned as white as a ghost! And he runs back in the opposite direction screaming 'Mommy!' at the top of his lungs like a 5-year-old girl! Oh, it was such a precious YouTube moment."_

_Riley, having not swallowed his water yet, spewed it out and doused Maylene and Lucas with water. He had taken a big drink, so Maylene and Lucas were practically drowning._

_"Uhh…" was all he could say._

_I think Riley was left feeling awkward from what I could tell from his aura. I had thought that Maylene and Lucas would be furious at him. I thought they would beat the crap out of him. But the thing I had least expected to happen happened._

_All three of them look at each other with the weirdest grins and… laughed. Happily. I couldn't understand it why they weren't mad, but I began to laugh too._

* * *

Now, this would've worked if the story hadn't introduced Lucas as hating Riley's guts. What, did Aaron's heart to heart magically change Lucas' personality?

And in Chapter 7: Investigation, after discovered that the Pokemon games somehow exist in the Anime universe, isn't that some kind of inception, we get this quote unquote "joke."

* * *

_"Lucas…" began Maylene sweetly. "Why don't you have your seatbelt on?"_

_"Don't need one. I'm in the back and I'm much hardier than you humans, no offense, Maylene. Plus, the strap just feels so… weird."_

_I moved my paw up and down the smooth surface of the seatbelt. It did feel somewhat awkward, but it definitely felt better than being strapped down to a table so I really didn't have any complaints._

_"Remember last year, Lucas?" Maylene reminded him of some event unknown to me. "October 4th? We were driving back from Canalave and you were being a stubborn ass and didn't want to wear it?"_

_Lucas sweatdropped nervously. "Let's not bring back October 4th. Please. It's humiliating."_

_"You sure?" grinned Riley. "It's one heck of a tale."_

_The conservation certainly caught my ear. "Now, I'm curious." I told them._

_"You don't need to know anything!" Maylene's Pokémon snapped at me. This must really not have been something good for him…_

_Maylene resumed her explanation. "I had to stop suddenly for a light…"_

_"La la la la la la la la, I'm not listening!" the other Lucario shouted loudly to prevent us from hearing her story._

_I was actually interested in hearing Maylene's tale, so I used my paws to clamp down on Lucas's mouth._

_Mmmmff! Mmmmmph!" he tried to shout and pry my hands off of his muzzle, but my grip was tight._

_Riley and Maylene looked back to see me holding him with an iron grip._

_"Continue." I urged her. Lucas began to fight hard to get free from my hands. "And quickly, please."_

_"And then Lucas went flying through the windshield and onto the street, and let's just say things quickly went downhill from there."_

_"He got run over?" I gasped. Realizing the brief loosening of my grip, he snapped his furry muzzle out of my hands._

_He began gasping loudly for air. Perhaps I had gripped him a bit too tight…_

_"Yes, and I ended up in the hospital for a month! Bound to a bed, IV tubes, surgery… it was hell."_

_I rolled my eyes. "And that was only a small taste of what was my world."_

_"And all from an unbuckled seatbelt. You want to go through hell again, be my guest." she offered._

_"I'll pass on the offer." He sighed as he put his seatbelt on._

_"Smart choice." she smiled._

* * *

I don't believe it. . .

THAT WAS ANTI-HUMOR!

That is a wrongdoing in every stretch of the imagination for a Fan work!

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, Anti-Humor is when you appear to build up to a joke, but then find out that the quote unquote "punchline" is either not funny or stupid. How was this anti-humor. Well, let's look again!

* * *

_Maylene resumed her explanation. "I had to stop suddenly for a light…"_

_"La la la la la la la la, I'm not listening!" the other Lucario shouted loudly to prevent us from hearing her story._

* * *

Hahahaha! That's funny!

* * *

_I was actually interested in hearing Maylene's tale, so I used my paws to clamp down on Lucas's mouth._

_Mmmmff! Mmmmmph!" he tried to shout and pry my hands off of his muzzle, but my grip was tight._

* * *

Hahahahaha! that's funny! that's realy funny!

* * *

_Riley and Maylene looked back to see me holding him with an iron grip._

_"Continue." I urged her. Lucas began to fight hard to get free from my hands. "And quickly, please."_

* * *

Hahahahaha! Alright! Here comes the punchline!

* * *

_"And then Lucas went flying through the windshield and onto the street, and let's just say things quickly went downhill from there."_

_"He got run over?" I gasped. Realizing the brief loosening of my grip, he snapped his furry muzzle out of my hands._

_He began gasping loudly for air. Perhaps I had gripped him a bit too tight…_

_"Yes, and I ended up in the hospital for a month! Bound to a bed, IV tubes, surgery… it was hell."_

_I rolled my eyes. "And that was only a small taste of what was my world."_

* * *

_. . . . . . ._

That's not funny. That's actually kinda cruel and sadistic. I mean. . .wow. I don't want to have an image of a hospitalized Lucario in my brain! That's awful! what, is this meant to teach readers to always wear seat-belts? Was this supposed to be some kind of PSA! Come on, I've seen Drug PSAs funnier than this!

Well, while our heroes have their little Sit Com, the EVIL Team Galactic commander, yeah, not Anderson, not grunts, _the actual commanders,_ are on Aaron's trail. Why are the leaders doing the dirty work? And what's worse, they're _comic relief!_

Like in Chapter 7: Investigation, when they break into Riley's house while the heroes are going out for ice cream.

* * *

_"I have to do everything myself." groaned Cyrus. He stood in front of the door and raised his leg._

_POW!_

_It landed a long distance from the door across the room, splintered into hundreds of pieces._

_"Wow." Commander Mars uttered. "For an old geezer, you certainly are stronger than I thought."_

_"Thank you, Mars. And if you call me an old geezer again, it's your head that will be hung on my wall."_

_"Meep." she whimpered._

_"Search the premises." Cyrus ordered._

_"Yes sir." They split up to search different parts of the house. Saturn tackled the bedrooms, Mars checked out the media room, and Jupiter began to investigate the basement._

_"Hey!" Mars shouted._

_"You find them?" asked Cyrus._

_"No, but they have satellite TV and 250 channels! We only get cable!"_

_Cyrus groaned. "Must… not… strangle… Mars…"_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

* * *

_He turned around to the living room where they had come in, to see Saturn looking behind the fireplace._

_"Why would they be in the fireplace?" Cyrus asked the spiky-haired Commander._

_"Sometimes, they are secret compartments hidden behind fireplaces. You know, for escaping or hiding out."_

_"That's only in the mov-"_

_CLICK!_

_Cyrus crouched down next to Saturn to look the fireplace. Part of the back had shifted._

* * *

Okay, why does Riley have a secret exit? Why would he need a secret exit? He's not like Looker, who's always in danger from his investigations. I guess this is all just to make a "Saturn is afraid of the dark joke!"

* * *

_Cyrus crouched down next to Saturn to look the fireplace. Part of the back had shifted._

_"Only in the movies, huh?"_

_"Shut up and get back there."_

_"B-But I don't like the dark."_

_"Get back there or you'll be getting a salary cut."_

_Saturn whimpered as he began to crawl into the small passageway that the fireplace had given access to. Cyrus was curious to see what else was in there, so he followed behind._

_The passageway was dark and the two had to feel their way around to get through. It was really creepy, too. Kind of like those secret corridors you see in movies._

_"Cyrus… can we turn back? This place is scary. What if ghosts are here?" said a hyperventilating Saturn._

_"Then they're going to consume your soul." he said sarcastically._

_"AAAHHHHHH!" he shrieked in fear, startling Cyrus and causing him to wince from the sound._

_Cyrus moaned. "…Thank you for damaging my hearing in my old age. NOW KEEP CRAWLING!"_

_"Y-Y-Yes sir."_

_The duo continued to crawl._

_"…Sir?"_

_"Yes, Commander Saturn?"_

_"…Are… you afraid of anything? …L-Like the d-dark?"_

_"No Saturn, I do not have nyctophobia or any other phobias that I am currently aware of."_

_"…Oh… OK."_

_The two eventually reached the end of the corridor and a ladder could be seen up ahead._

_"OH, THANK THE HEAVENS!" shouted Saturn in joy. "A LADDER! A WAY OUT!"_

_"Note to self." Cyrus thought. "Discuss possible treatment plans with Commander Saturn for his nyctophobia…"_

_Saturn was the first to starting climbing the ladder with Cyrus following behind him. Saturn felt around on the top of the corridor and felt a small movable surface. He pushed it out of the way and began to crawl out of the hole._

_"OH SWEET FREEDOM!" Saturn shouted. "I KISS THE GROUND!"_

_"Saturn… just… don't." Cyrus told him as he climbed out. "Where are we?"_

_The two looked around and found themselves near… their base in Jubilife City?_

_"That's weird." Cyrus muttered._

_"What's weird, sir?"_

_"The fact that Riley would have a passageway leading from his house to our base in Jubilife City speaks for itself."_

_"…I guess you have a point, sir. Now what?"_

_"Now we go back to Canalave and tell Mars and Jupiter what we found."_

_"Y-You m-mean…"_

_"Suck it up and get back in there, Saturn."_

_"Nooooooooooo!"_

* * *

This isn't funny! This is just random! Are you even trying to keep them in character! This is like how the old Team Rocket Trio acted! This is Team Galactic for goodness sake!

But, to be fair, this scene does apparently hint that Riley actually has done some investigating in Team Galactic's activity, and has possibly done even more to bring them to justice than Looker has. Credit where its due, Riley's awesome in this fannon.

Okay, so in Chapter 8: Found, we see some really poor referential humor!

* * *

_Maylene walked up to the stand and placed her order, strawberry._

_I looked at Riley. "I still can't believe why you would let Maylene go last."_

_"You'll see." both Riley and Lucas sighed in union._

_"Wait! Wait!" Maylene told the man at the stand. "Umm, how about cookie dough instead?" Mr. Stark sighed as he dropped the scooped strawberry and began to scoop the cookie dough._

_"No, no. Hold on! Actually, I'd rather have chocolate chip." This time, Mr. Stark gritted his teeth as he placed the cookie dough back and grabbed the chocolate chip instead._

_"Yeah… wait, never mind. I think I'd prefer…"_

_And this went on for about another half an hour, giving me plenty of time to chat with Riley and Lucas and finish up our ice cream but causing everyone behind Maylene to shout loudly and gripe at her._

_"Wait. I think I'll have…"_

_"MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WOMAN!" yelled everyone behind her, and even the ice cream man, Mr. Stark._

_Apparently, that last shout caused Maylene to blow a fuse._

_"I'M STILL CHOOSING!" she shouted back at the crowd. "NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME DECIDE BEFORE I KARATE CHOP YOUR HEAD OFF! Thank you."_

_Everyone in the crowd then took 3 giant steps back from Maylene, leaving enough room to let an elephant through. Even all of us were caught off our guard._

_"Hmm… I have it now!"_

_"YES?" asked Mr. Stark with hatred and impatience evident in his voice._

_"…Vanilla!"_

_Everybody in the room then promptly fainted._

_Maylene groaned. "People today…" she grabbed her ice-cream, set her money on the counter, recalled Lucas' unconscious body using his Pokéball and left the stand._

* * *

You know, in all honesty, this would be funny, IF IT WAS DONE WITH THE RIGHT CHARACTER!

The ice cream joke was always done by Cynthia, the Sinnoh Champion! Not Maylene! Maylene has just _stolen_ Cynthia's joke! If AuraWielder really wanted to put this joke in his story, he should have just had Cynthia show up as a cameo! She could have came in after them, they could've had a short scene, then she goes to take forever to order her ice cream, and then you can have the joke, and then she leaves.

Watch! The! Show!

Okay, so meanwhile, it turns out that Team Galactic has burned Riley's house down, _oh my gosh, I wish I had those evil jerks right here, I'd take my Secret Sword and-_

* * *

_"Stupid electrical cord!" How was I supposed to know it would catch on fire?"_

_All of the commanders of Team Galactic stood outside Riley's house… or what used to be Riley's house._

_"Gee, really?" snarled a burnt-haired ticked off Commander Jupiter to Mars. "So, is drying your hair with the sink still running normally NOT dangerous? Smart idea using your hairdryer on high heat, too!"_

_"Pardon me if I want to look good!"_

_"Well, at least it's for the better that those documents regarding our crimes he had are destroyed, even if it was unintentional." noted Commander Saturn. "Still, we didn't have to accidently burn down Riley's entire house…"_

* * *

_(Keldeo smiles fakely)_

I was gonna make a Cave Johnson lemon rant joke here, but this scene is so ridiculously stupid that I've temporarily lost my ability to make jokes. I mean. . .wow. These guys are IDIOTS! And they're in charge of the villainous team for Diamond and Pearl! How did these morons get in charge!

* * *

_"Commander Cyrus?" Mars interrupted._

_"Yes, Mars?" he sighed with resent towards the woman. The normally emotionless man was about to lose it._

_"Can we go get ice-cream? I'm hungry."_

_That proved to be the last straw for Cyrus. "ICE CREAM? HOW CAN YOU THINK OF ICE CREAM AT A TIME LIKE THIS? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HUNTING FOR AN ESCAPEE AND ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS ICE CREAM?_

* * *

Oh, I see what you did there! Mars is gonna go to the ice cream shop and find Aaron! Hahahahaha! Cyrus would have never have guessed that Aaron would be there! Hahahahahaha! so Mars is gonna look all smart after burning the house down! Hahahahahaha- oh please get better story.

So, I've done a lot of complaining, so you may be wondering if there's _anything_ that AuraWielder did right?

Well, there is!

In Chapter 7, we have a scene where Aaron discovers the IPod!

* * *

_Lucas pressed a small button on the bottom of the device, turning it on. The screen flickered on and showed… a bitten apple, yet again. After that, a password screen popped on and Lucas quickly typed in a combination of numbers. He finally accessed a menu with all sorts of icons and choices._

_"The miracle known as an 'iPod' is often used to access the internet, watch movies, and what they're most known for is storing thousands of songs."_

_I was a little skeptical. "How can something that tiny hold thousands of songs? Seems a little too Farfetch'd for me."_

_Lucas only grinned and pressed one of the icons on the menu. He was promptly brought to another menu that gave him the options of sorting his songs by song title, album, artist, or album by artist. He chose the first of the sorting options and came up with a list of songs sorted from A to Z. The number of total songs on the list was displayed at the top. 1,753 in all. He handed the small device off to me._

_"Oh my word." I muttered._

_"Yeah, and that's only 1/10 full." he chuckled._

_I looked at the some of the songs on his iPod:_

_Anthem of the Archeops – Shattering Scrafty_

_Burning in the Skies – Viridian Park_

_Ghost of Me – Darktri_

_Sandile Sky – Eon City_

_"And that's just a few. Can I have it back now?"_

* * *

I gotta admit, those Pokemonified song titles are cool. Really creative, I must say. There's also a scene before this where Aaron talks about how he was forced into evolving. .. yeah, it was science babble, but really well though out if you like that sort of thing.

So in Chapter 9: Waiting For the End, where-

* * *

_…Oh no._

_I finally managed to force my eyes open. What I saw is what I wished I would never see again. Yet there it was, right in front of my eyes. I could barely see it, but it was still visible._

_"Wait… no." I whispered to myself softly. "I… I can't be back here… I-I can't… I shouldn't…"_

_I sighed as I crouched on my knees, looking around the place I knew so well but never wanted to see again._

_My old holding cell._

* * *

_(Keldeo looks confused)_

Wait, did I skip a chapter? Where's the kidnapping/fight scene?

* * *

_"Now what?" I asked myself. "Team Galactic still wants me for Project Alpha, obviously. I suppose it's time…"_

_"Ngggh."_

_"…Who is that? Riley, is that you?" The voice sounded like his, but I couldn't see him, as it had become night and my cell was nearly pitch black._

_"W-Where am I?" the voice asked._

_"Riley, it's me, Aaron." I told him, now knowing it was Riley._

_"Aaron? Where are we? I can't see anything."_

_I sighed. I felt incredibly guilty, as it was my fault he was here in the first place. Even though I had found a home with him, Team Galactic wasn't going to hesitate to take me, and him, away from it._

_"How are you?" I questioned him. "Are you beat up too badly?"_

_"Not really. I only have a bruise or two from probably being dragged here from the ice cream shop."_

_Riley paused for a few moments before he spoke to me again._

_"Looks like they used a tranquilizer dart to make sure I stayed unconscious. Right now, I think I'm chained to the wall. That certainly isn't a good thing. Could be worse, I suppose."_

_I became quiet. "Great." I thought. "He's chained to the wall. Why did I do this to him?"_

* * *

And Riley too! Well, remember what I said before!

* * *

_The story goes on, and we know that Team Galactic's gonna find him! Sure, it looks all hopefully and rosy and bright, but we know he's gonna get found out, and possibly bring any new friends he makes into mortal peril along with him!_

* * *

I totally called it! But wait, where's the kidnapping scene! You can't just skip a totally epic scene like that! They obviously did go down without a fight! and where are Maylene and Lucas?

* * *

_"Aaron, I understand what you've been going through. You needed someone, an owner… a family to belong to. Do you honestly think I would give up that easily? You truly think that I'd be angry at you for getting kidnapped when we were unconscious? Both of us were out cold; we were sitting ducks! I'm not mad at you, cross my heart. I gave you a home. We're family now and nothing can change that."_

* * *

Unconscious? Out cold?

. . . .

No. . .

* * *

_"Hmm… I have it now!"_

_"YES?" asked Mr. Stark with hatred and impatience evident in his voice._

_"…Vanilla!"_

_Everybody in the room then promptly fainted._

_Maylene groaned. "People today…" she grabbed her ice-cream, set her money on the counter, recalled Lucas' unconscious body using his Pokéball and left the stand._

* * *

_(Keldeo looks extremely furious)_

Are you telling me, that they were captured, because they were unconscious from Maylene taking forever to order ice cream? So, Aaron and Riley being in _mortal peril_ is Maylene's fault? That if they die, the blood will be on _her_ vanilla ice cream hands? That if Maylene hadn't ordered ice cream, that Aaron and Riley could've escaped, or at the very least put up a really cool battle for us to read?

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

You're better than this AuraWielder! I know you are! You can't cheat us out of a battle scene like this! You can't be this lazy in moving the plot along! So Maylene just went on her merry way as her friends are being kidnapped!? It makes no sense! You can't hang the fate of our main character on how long it took for someone to order ice cream! Don't you realize what a stupid decision that was?

You just explicitly stated that this whole story from Chapter 7 onwards **depended on someone _ordering ice cream!_**

_(Keldeo slumps down, completely out of breath, and is panting hard)  
_

And it wasn't even her own joke. . .it wasn't even an original joke. . .it was a joke that was stolen from Cynthia. . .and a joke THAT put our main characters back in living Hell. . . .

I know I'm not the only one who sees this. . .and thank goodness. . .I'm not. . . .

And one last thing, this isn't a bad fanfic. It's really well written, the characters are well done, it's suspenseful and everything, but I cannot just ignore these problems.

I'm sorry AuraWielder, I really am. . .

I think I'll just go and get a Casteilia Cone now. I need one bad,

**We'll be right back!**

**_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._**


	19. Dramatic Skit 3

"All rise!"

In the courtroom, everyone stood up as the judge cam out and stood at his place. He pounded his gavel once and spoke.

"Order in the court. Our next case will be Cynthia vs Maylene. Prosecutor, you may begin."

Cynthia stood up and said, "If it would please the court, I would like to handle my case personally."

"Very well, proceed," the judge said.

"OBJECTION!" Lucas roared out.

"Over-ruled!" Judge said, pounding his gavel two times.

Cynthia smiled as Lucas scowled and Maylene glared.

"This girl!" Cynthia said as she pointed at Maylene, "Has stolen my famous, patented, copyrighted, ice cream comedy routine which I have performed at ice cream stands all over Sinnoh!"

The judge turned to Maylene and said, "Maylene, Fighting-type Gym Leader of the Sinnoh region, you find yourself accused of copyright infringement. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty! AND I'LL KARATE CHOP ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE!" Maylene shouted.

"Order! Order!" the judge said as he pounded his gavel as everyone else talked wildly at this outburst. When everyone was quite, he said, "Prosecutor, you may continue."

"I call Thomas Stark to the stand," Cynthia said.

The large thick-boned man who ran the ice cream stall in Canalave City walked up to the stand.

"Mr. Stark," Cynthia began, "How often Maylene come to your ice cream stand."

"Many times a month, unfortunately," Mr. Stark groaned.

"And how long does she take to order?"

"Forever and a day!"

"I do not!"

"Defendant!" the judge shouted, "Keep quiet or I shall fine you 500 poke for contempt of court!"

Maylene frowned.

"Proceed."

"Thank you," Cynthia said, "Now, Mr. Stark, how long did she take to order today?"

"Half an hour," Stark grumbled.

"How did the other people react?"

"We all demanded that she make up her mind!"

"And what did she do?"

"She threatened to Karate Chop our head off!" Stark shouted incredulously.

Everyone gasped as Cynthia smiled and nodded, "And what happened when she finally chose?"

"We all fainted," Stark said in deadpan tone.

Cynthia nodded a second time, "So, it appears the defendant has also threatened murder and disturbed the peace. The defense rests."

As Mr. Stark left the stand, the judge said, "Defense, will you cross examine?"

"By God Almighty, I will!" Lucas said as he jumped up. He then got in Cynthia's face and shouted, "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK LIES ABOUT MAYLENE! HOW DARE YOU SUE HER! YOU WORTHLESS, DISGUSTING, WEAK, PAMPERED, RICH-!"

"Order! Order!" the judge shouted, pounding away with his gavel.

"Stop it, Lucas! I can't afford that fine!" Maylene said.

Lucas growled, but appeared to calm down a bit. He backed off, leaving Cynthia with a shocked expression. He let out a deep breath and said, "Miss Cynthia, do you have any proof my client willingly stole your joke?"

"I am well known for choosing my ice creams, she could not have been unaware of my infamy," Cynthia said.

"Well then, is your routine actually patented and copyrighted? Do you have any proof?"

"Indeed I do," Cynthia said, and she took out a few documents from a briefcase next to her.

Lucas looked at them, and laughed, "Haha! Forgeries! Fakes! Garbage!"

Cynthia looked scandalized, "How dare you! I spent a lot of my time getting-."

Cynthia was interrupted by the sound of the doors of the courthouse slamming open. Officer Jenny ran in and sprinted next to the judge. She handed him a few papers and whispered something into his ear.

The judge blinked a few times, and he said, "It appears that while everyone was knocked unconscious due to Maylene's choice of ice cream, one Pokemon Trainer Riley and his Lucario were_ kidnapped!"_

The crowd erupted into gasps, shouts, and chatter. People were yelling all over the place, reporters were attempting to get closer to the front, and photographers were causing a barrage of flashes as their camera clicked away.

Cynthia and Lucas were shouting at each other, but Maylene couldn't hear a word of it. The world was silent all around her. Only the judge's words echoed in her mind.

_"Oh my gosh, what have I done. . ." _she thought as she stood stone still, staring into space. . .


	20. Breaking the Chains- Chapters 7 to 14

**Keldeo The Critic- Breaking the Chains by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

Wow! Bianca and Eevee were right! Those Castelia Cones are AWESOME!

Oh wait, now I have to go back to-

_The Rainbow Factory, where your fears and horrors come-_

Alright, alright, that joke old news!

So, Aaron and Riley are back in Team Galactic's holding cell. And Aaron is feeling a little sad that he pretty much _led his new friend to his death!_

* * *

_"…I'm sorry, Riley."_

_"Sorry? For what, exactly? I don't think you really did anything…"_

_"I'm sorry you had to get caught up in all of this. It's my fault, honestly. I shouldn't have gotten you involved in this. You don't deserve this."_

_Riley was silent, absorbing what I had told him. He continued to let me speak._

_"I just… It felt so great to be out of here. I was finally free. How I even escaped… it was either a fluke or a miracle. I thought I would never have to see this place again. Heh. That definitely didn't happen. I'm so sorry, Riley. You were the first human I had ever come to trust and I got you caught up in this. I don't know what else to say."_

_Tears quietly dropped from my eyes as Riley spoke up._

_"You don't NEED to say anything else."_

_"…What do you mean?"_

_"Aaron, I understand what you've been going through. You needed someone, an owner… a family to belong to. Do you honestly think I would give up that easily? You truly think that I'd be angry at you for getting kidnapped when we were unconscious? Both of us were out cold; we were sitting ducks! I'm not mad at you, cross my heart. I gave you a home. We're family now and nothing can change that."_

* * *

_Besides, they'll probably kill me right away! You'll probably be tortured for a few more years, so, comparatively speaking, my situation's not so bad!_

So, who shows up but the EVIL Dr. Anderson, who didn't have to lift a finger to get his Test Subject back, because _his bosses_ did all his dirty work for him! Man, _this guy_ should be the head of Team Plasma! At least he's not burning houses down by mistake or afraid of the dark or sidetracked by satellite TV!

So, Aaron says he'll come along quietly if Riley is set free.

* * *

_"Hmm…" the doctor pondered. "Normally, I wouldn't listen… or even care… but we wouldn't really have any use for him after you're gone. All right. Think of this as your final request."_

_I then said gracious words to him that I thought I would never say._

_"Thank you, sir."_

* * *

_(Keldeo has a deadpan expression on his face)_

Really. . .you trust this guy to keep up his end of the bargain? Look, this guy is _evil incarnate_. Riley's as good as dead!

So they go into the lab where Project Alpha will be completed.

* * *

_I looked in the giant cylindrical tube on the other side of the wall. Inside it was an orange liquid, floating in it was a being. A being like nothing I had ever seen before._

_The being itself was… beautiful actually. Its body figure was anthropomorphic, a lot like most bipedal Pokémon. Its head was a… jackal shape, much like mine. It had no mouth or nose to breathe (or possibly talk) out of. Its feet were flat and didn't look very different from a human's. But its body… it was the most angelic white you'd ever see. If it wasn't inside a giant tube suspended in water, I could have easily mistaken it for an angel._

* * *

Oh my gosh, it's like someone made DNA syrup out of Mewtwo and coated a Lucario!

So, it looks like this is the day Aaron dies, because Dr. Anderson plans on sucking the aura out of him and feeding it into Alpha.

* * *

_"Do I HAVE to be strapped down on a table? I mean, you've got me where you want me and I'm not fighting you. Could you at least do me the decency of letting me NOT be strapped down to a table in my final moments?"_

_The doctor sighed. "Fine, what could it hurt?"_

* * *

Wait, wait, wait, I just realized something.

Now, here you got, a Lucario. A Pokemon. Why doesn't he use Pokemon moves to escape. I mean, my gosh, imagine the damage a well placed Aura Sphere could do. I mean, his hands aren't even tied up! You'd think he'd have the sense to at least punch Anderson in the kidney! What's been keeping him from doing moves all these years! A Metal Claw could have sliced right through the bars of his cell! Aura Spheres can smash through doors! A Bone Rush could take down Anderson and a score of guards! That's why this doesn't make sense! Sure, now they've got a hostage Riley, but what about before! He had nothing to loose trying to escape! _Nothing! _Did the scientists make him forget all his moves? Or maybe they just put Wheatley in his brain?

_GLaDOS: The engineers did everything they could to make me behave. To slow me down. Once, they even installed an Intelligence Dampening Sphere. It clung to my brain like a tumor. Releasing an endless stream of terrible ideas. You're not just a regular moron. You were __**designed**__ to be a moron._

* * *

_Seeing the doctor reaching again for the knife to cut my chest open, I quickly decided to beat him to the punch. I used the sharp spike on the back of my hand to puncture my own chest. Was it painful? Yes, excruciatingly. But it beat the heck out of a knife with no anesthetic. After agonizingly hunting through my chest, I found my own heart. I ripped my chest opened slightly more to reveal my heart to the doctor._

_I gasped heavily after that, trying to deal with the immense pain. It was more intense than anything else I had felt here, with perhaps the earlier exception of Dr. Anderson and I in his lab before my escape._

_I managed to finally recollect myself. I turned over to the doctor who had an incredibly surprised expression on his face and I smirked as I still panted._

_"Beat you to it, doc."_

* * *

Okay, what was the point of doing that! And if your spike was that sharp, why not use it on, oh I don't know, _the doctor! _

And you can't just rip your chest open and expose your heart! There are these things called "muscles" and "ribs" in the way. What is this, _Surgeon Simulator 2013: Pokemon Edition_?

So the machine latches onto Aaron's heart and sucks all the Aura out of him.

* * *

_"Riley, the first thing I want to say to say to you is… thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you… for saving me. Thank you… for taking me in. Thank you… for showing me that not all humans are evil. You have changed me in a wonderful way and you have helped me realize what good there can be in the world."_

_I could feel my heartbeat slow down enormously as my aura left me._

_"I don't have much time left on this earth. But don't worry about me; I'm going to a better place. Riley… thank you. You're the first person I… could ever… consider… a… true…"_

_"NO!" Riley yelled. With all of his might, Riley finally broke free of Cyrus' hold and ran over to Aaron. But it was too late. He was dead._

_"No…"_

* * *

Wait, he's dead?

. . .

Okay, first of all, we're only half way through the story. Second of all, WHAT!?

What the heck is the moral? _"Life sucks, then you die"_?

And if that isn't bad enough, it turns Project Alpha has awakened!

* * *

_Inside the test tube that held the magnificent being, the glass began to rattle. It rattled, it shook, it trembled, and it quivered until finally…_

_It shattered._

* * *

That's right, Aaron's dead, and Team Galactic has their ultimate weapon, which they can use to take over the world. Riley, alone but still alive, is now a fallen hero. A hero that failed in his mission to protect his friend. And now, he must life in a world ruled by the likes of Cyrus and Dr. Anderson.

_(Keldeo sighs sadly)_

Although not the happiest of endings, this Fanfic teaches readers that even at the darkest of moments, when despair and doom reign supreme, when it appears that evil has emerged triumphant. . .you can still find peace, hope, determination, and the will to go on within your heart. And that, my friends, is the essence, of life itsel-

_(Keldeo suddenly smiles widely)_

No-no-no! I'm only kidding! Alpha gains a conscious and helps Riley escape with Aaron's body!

* * *

_I gritted my teeth and turned around to face the Galactic Boss. "It is important! You killed someone to create me! I… I shouldn't even be alive! I don't want to! Not if it means killing someone innocent!"_

_Cyrus looked shocked. After his shock wore off, his hands clenched into fists._

_"YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME RULE THE UNIVERSE AND THAT IS FINAL!"_

* * *

_M. Bison: **OF COURSE!**_

* * *

_I shattered the hard glass dome above the lab into tiny fragments with my mental powers. I grabbed Riley and the dead Lucario and began to fly up in the air._

_Cyrus wasn't going to give up easily though. He grabbed a gun from his pocket and tried to shoot me down or at the least injure me. I hardly felt a scratch. As I flew away from the lab and looked at the startled Riley and the dead Lucario, I wondered,_

_"What do I do now?"_

* * *

Oh, and I think I should mention the author's note at the end here.

* * *

_P.S. - A very special guest will appear next chapter. I won't tell you who it is, but I'll give you a hint. He has a very similar backstory like Alpha's. That's all you're getting, but you should be able to figure it out..._

* * *

_(Keldeo looks thrilled)_

Oh my gosh! Mewtwo's coming! I can't wait!

_(Buzzer noise) **PLOT POINT WAS ABANDONED**_

. . . .

Nothing could possibly be worse that what that note did.

* * *

_Breaking the Chains_

_Chapter 10: Life is Sweeter on the Other Side_

_Author's Note: Remember how I said at the beginning of the story that the religious references were subtle? Yeah, now I'm kinda turning it up to 11. From here on out, I'm officially screwing over subtlety and Christian elements will be much more obvious._

_Aaron's POV_

_"Where… am I?" I asked myself._

_I found myself on a magnificent stairway, one that only went straight up. The steps themselves were a pure white, and translucent. Looking down through them, I could see beautiful clouds below me. The staircase was somewhere high in the sky, but there were no handrails of any sort. Yet… I had no fear of falling._

* * *

And I was instantly proved wrong. He's actually having the story take place in Heaven. Wow.

Okay, this isn't a bad thing. It's just really hard to get right.

For example, _After the Metarex: Como's Story _by _TailsLovesCosmo _ is a story that takes place in "Heaven" after Cosmo dies. And, oh my gosh, it is _terrible! _Mostly because the author tries to put in _conflict._ It's Heaven! There's not supposed to be any conflict! The titular character is miserable! That's right, she's miserable in Heaven._  
_

The thing with having Heaven as your setting is that it needs to be, well, perfect. But it's hard to write a plot where everything's perfect because decent plots need some sort of conflict. If you leave the conflicts out, you get My Little Pony: Princess Promenade. So, writing a story about Heaven is hard.

You know how I kinda thrashed this story before the last Dramatic Skit? Well, get ready AuraWielder, cause I'm about to make up for my ranting! That's right, you win the award for "Best Portrayal of Heaven!" You did it! You really did it! You beat the odds and hit the nail right on the head! You used perfect execution! Let's give him a round of applause everybody, incredible!

_(As Keldeo claps happily, Terrakion, Coballion, Virizion, Meloetta, and even Ash and the gang come over and cheer and applaud.)_

_"Wonderful!" "Amazing"" "Beautiful" "Touching" "So cool!" "Awesome!"_

_(As everyone cheers and claps, Meloetta flies forward and sings a few lines from MrecyMe's song "I Can Only Imagine")_

_Surrounded by Your glory, _

_What will my heart feel?  
_

_Surrounded by your glory,_

_What will my heart feel?_

_Will I dance for You Jesus?_

_Or in awe of You be still?_

_Will I stand in Your presence?_

_Or to my knees will I fall?  
_

_Will I sing hallelujah?_

___Will I be able to speak at all?_

_I can only imagine_  
_yeah!_  
_I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine_  
_When all I will do_  
_Is forever,_  
_Forever worship you_

_I can only imagine. . ._

_(The applause tapers down, and Keldeo wipes a tears from his eye)_

Thank you Meloetta. That was beautiful. . . .

_(The group leaves cheerfully, but then Meloetta returns to quickly give Keldeo a kiss on the cheek and leaves again. Keldeo blushes and chuckled)_

Heh-heh. So, Aaron climbs the cliched, but well executed, Stairway to Heaven.

* * *

_I continued my way upwards. I couldn't help but wonder how Riley was doing. Where was he? Did he escape Team Galactic? And what about that other creature… Project Alpha? My mind scrambled around these questions like a 5-year-old on a Hershey's Chocolate high. I eventually decided to discard the questions; at least until I got to the top, then maybe I could get some answers…_

* * *

Okay, that was an interesting analogy!

So, Aaron eventually meets Metatron, an Angel who's main purpose is to show the newcomers around.

Oh, and you know how the first half was filled with failed jokes? Well, apparently in this chapter, even the jokes are Heavenly! Seriously, they're hilarious! And they keep coming one after another!

* * *

_"You know, someone here REALLY needs to install an escalator."_

_"Actually, I've been trying to get onto the big man about that."_

* * *

_"Who are you?"_

_"Well, who do you think?" he asked in a joking, casual manner._

_"An angel." I told him flat out._

_"…And he caught the Herdier named Bingo." The angel stood up, and dusted off his robe._

* * *

_"Yeah, I read about that in Revelation. But is heaven really like it says? With the streets of gold and that there are supposed to be a bunch of mansions?"_

_"…Mostly."_

_"What do you mean 'mostly'?"_

_"Hey, we wrote the good book over two thousand years ago. You don't expect heaven to stay exactly how it is for 2,000 years, do you? We've made a couple of renovations."_

* * *

_Metatron laughed heartily. "You ask a LOT of questions, don't you? That's to be expected. Almost everyone here asks a LOT of questions about heaven, hell, God, life… and why my name sounds like something that came out of Transformers… the list never ends. But to answer your previous questions, we're right here."_

* * *

_"A computer?" I stated with confusion. "I thought it was supposed to be the BOOK of life."_

_"Well, it WAS a book," the angel secretary said to me. "But after thousands of years and a lot of Christians… the Book got full and we had to move the list to a heaven-only accessible site. Gotta love modern technology."_

_"Yeah…" I uttered, still somewhat surprised that the heavens could adapt to modern technology._

* * *

_He glanced at me with a funny look on his face._

_"Uhh… species?" he asked._

_"…Wait. I thought that angels were supposed to know this stuff…"_

_"…All right! I don't play Pokémon much, OK? There's a lot of 'Mon fans up here, but I don't know zilch! OK?"_

* * *

Seriously, this stuff is funny! Really funny! And no, I'm not kissing up, I mean it. The chapters are finally getting good! It's kinda sad Aaron had to die to improve the story, but it still counts!

So, the gold streets and building made of gems are all there as promised, plus endless other beauties!

* * *

_I ran into the garden, ahead of Metatron. I don't what it was, but some indescribable compelling force called me into it. I ran past the humans, past the angels, past the Pokémon, past the trees of gold and silver, past the chrysanthemums of ruby and sapphire, and past the roses of diamond and pearl, to a hill out into the distance. It stood out in the garden above the walls of the sacred city. On the hills were no heavenly flowers made from gems, but just regular orchids, roses, and chrysanthemums. The sun was rising in the distance._

_"This is finally it." I thought. "I'm free."_

_Then I fell back onto the flowers, with them assuring my safety and comfort. I laughed heartily, a laugh that never would have come from me on Earth. I looked up to the sky, which seemed to be exploding with the fire and passion of a thousand suns. Not even the Northern Lights could compare._

* * *

I wish someone on Deviantart would draw a picture of Aaron just falling back in the flowers. Seriously, this scene just feels so nice. There's even a couple of Pokemon Game Version Name references in there! Genius! And, what's more, Aaron meets two Pokemon he hasn't seen in quite a while. . .

* * *

_After laying there for a while, marveling at the beauty of heaven's skies, I decided I might want to check out the rest of heaven. I pulled myself up and turned around. I came face to face with none other than…_

_"Hi there, honey."_

_"Mom!"_

_In front of me was my mother, the beautiful Lucario who I had not seen since I was a Riolu._

_"What? How? Who? When? Where? Why?" I blabbered. More gibberish came spurting out of my mouth. My mother only giggled innocently._

_"Seeing dead relatives for the first time has that effect." she explained to me._

_"You're telling me." I chuckled as I embraced her, something I hadn't done in a long time. "Speaking of other dead relatives, where's Dad?"_

_Mom took my hand. "Your Dad's up at our house. Come on, he's going to be so thrilled that you're here."  
_

_"Marshall!" she shouted. "Guess who I brought!"_

_I heard a voice in the distance from upstairs. Grunts and groans were coming up from up there, as well._

_"Is it Phoenix?" he shouted back. As he continued talking, his voice came closer and clearer. "Cause he's supposed to come over for that barbeque to-"_

_He stopped talking the second he laid his eyes on me._

_"S-Son?" he stuttered, surprised by my appearance. "It is… I mean, is it really… it's you, isn't it Aaron?"_

_I ran up to him and tackled him, something I always did to him when I was a Riolu._

_"Who else BUT your son can tackle you like that? What were you doing up there, anyway?"_

_"Ahh, training. You know me; I'm the kind of guy who always loves to battle."_

_"You always DID love to spar, Dad." I smiled at the fond memories that I had with my father. And now, I would have the chance to make new ones. "Hey, uhh… who's Phoenix?"_

_"A friend."_

_Just at that moment, the doorbell rang. My Mom opened the door and welcomed the guest inside._

_"Phoenix! Glad to see you!"_

_"Likewise, Karen."_

_'Phoenix' turned out to be a Blaziken. Except… he had WINGS that defied the anatomy of your standard Blaziken. To his credit, they were absolutely beautiful wings. They were of the purest white and were smaller than, but still resembled, Metatron's. I've read of humans getting wings in heaven, but Blazikens? The question was inevitable._

_My first words to him were, "Why do you have FREAKIN' WINGS?"_

_"Ahh. So you're Aaron. Your parents have told me a LOT of great things about you. Glad I finally get to meet you. As for the wings… you've got work your way up to get these babies. I call them Donatello and Leonardo. You'll need to perform plenty of good and righteous acts up here to earn them."_

* * *

_(Keldeo nearly bursts out laughing)_

He actually named them after Ninja Turtles!

Alright, so Aaron tells them the his life story after the fire that killed Karen and Marshall. And he can't help wonder if Alpha and Riley are alright.

Well, we find out in Chapter 11: Newfound Freedom. It turns out Alpha feels guilty that Aaron died to create him, so the odd pair decide to go on a quest to. . ._bring Aaron back to life?_

* * *

_"There are legends, just legends, I could be right or wrong, but there are legends of a Pokémon in Sinnoh mythology so powerful that it helped create the Pokémon universe. They call it Arceus. Maybe it did, maybe it didn't… but maybe we could find Arceus and have it bring Aaron back to life."_

_"Wait. It? Don't most Pokémon have a gender?" Alpha noted._

_"I don't know if 'it' is male or female." shrugged an uncertain Riley. He walked away from the rock with his back facing Alpha. "People really aren't sure. But… if it does exist… then we have a shot."_

_"OK… find Arceus. How hard could that be?"_

* * *

Ummmmmmm...

_Aaron: I'm finally safe in Heaven-_

_FLASH!_

_Riley: Hi Aaron!  
_

_Aaron: Nooooooooo!_

Either that or something like the end of _Ice Age: The Meltdown._

* * *

_"Well… I don't know that much about Sinnoh mythology. Cynthia, the Sinnoh Champion, is the expert on that. We should find her. If anyone knows how to find Arceus, it would be Cynthia. The first thing we need to do is get off of this island and get to Celestic Town, where she lives."_

* * *

Oh yeah! Cynthia! The one whose joke Maylene stole-

_(Keldeo slapped himself)_

Okay, okay, I'm letting it go.

I gotta say, even this chapter has its good points. Sure, it's kinda weird that one girl thinks Alpha is just a Shiny Lucario, but that's not that far of a stretch. Actually, I think the punchline was that she was an airhead. And besides, it's got funny jokes, like after the airhead leaves, Riley decides to hide Alpha in a Pokeball.

* * *

_"You're going to contain me in THAT?" Alpha muttered, unsure of Riley. "I mean, after what you just saw me go through?"_

_"I figured you'd be uncomfortable with Pokéballs." Riley sighed. "But don't worry about it, it doesn't hurt."_

_"And how would you know?" Alpha snarked._

_"I've… been in one before."_

_"How did THAT happen?"_

_Flashback_

_"Darn it, Lucas!" Maylene shouted as her Lucario ran at top-speed away from her and around the Veilstone Gym, with a mortified expression on his face. "So help me God, you are going to the veterinarian's office if it is the LAST THING I DO!"_

_"You can't take me!" he shouted back. "You can't take me alive!"_

_Riley had come in, pacing back and forth nervously, trying to work up the courage to ask Maylene out on a first date. He was so concentrated on his pacing, that he hadn't noticed her and Lucas coming at him very rapidly…_

_"Oof!" the trio collided together._

_Lucas' Pokéball went flying up into the air, out of Maylene's hand and tapped Riley gently on the head. The Pokéball opened; a red light came out of it, and transformed Riley into a state of energy, then took him into the Pokéball._

_"Ow. Man, that smarts. Hey, where am I?" he wondered. "And why does this place have posters of me scratched out and ripped in shreds?"_

_Outside the Pokéball…_

_"Ugh. At least I finally got you, Lucas…" she groaned, feeling the vibration of the Pokéball._

_"I'm right here." he announced. Maylene looked up to see her Lucario glaring down at her._

_"Wait. You're supposed to be in the… Then who did I…"_

_"Hey, anyone out there?" Riley yelled._

_"Congratulations." smiled a sarcastic Lucas. "You just caught James Van Der Douchebag."_

* * *

EFFORT! GOOD, HONEST EFFORT!

Finally, some actual humor! And there are ripped up posters in there. . .HAHAHAHAHA!

Oh man, this goes in the Top 11 Funniest Fanfiction Moments for sure!

So Riley releases Alpha near his house, turns, and-

* * *

_"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HOUSE?"_

* * *

Uh-oh.

So meanwhile, back in Heaven, after hearing the story of how Aaron's father _spilled wine on God and got Peter mad,_ Aaron tells Phoenix about his worries about Riley.

* * *

_"But… I think Riley might try to revive me. And the thing is… I'm happy up here. I'm free from all of it. All the pain, all the hurt… I like heaven. He might try to revive me with the same machine that killed me… or even get Arceus' power… but I want to stay up here. I feel like I'm being kinda selfish…"_

_Phoenix set his claw on my shoulder. "Believe me, you're not the only one who feels like that. When people and Pokémon die and come here… they NEVER want to leave. Because it's so PERFECT compared to Earth."_

_"But how do I let him know that? If he revives me… then I have to leave. Can angels… go down to Earth?"_

_"Well… sorta. Anyone can descend down to Earth, but they're invisible to everyone. They can't be heard, either. The only way mortals can know if they are there is to feel their presence."_

_"Does that mean I can tell him?"_

_"Hmm… I'll help you get down to Earth and we'll see what we can do. Come with me."_

* * *

So Aaron and Phoenix decide to fly down to Earth to try to to tell Riley "Thous shall not be a Dr. Frankenstein!" But before that, we get two important plot points.

* * *

_"Oh hold on, I've got something… well someone… I want to give to you before you head down." In his claws, he held an Egg and handed it off to me._

_"Who's in here?"_

_"The parents of this Egg told me that a Riolu is in here."_

_"But… why would you want me to take it down to Earth? It's already perfect up here."_

_"That's true, but… it's a Riolu that was killed before it even hatched. It was an attack in…"_

_"…the Green Valley?" I finished for him._

_"…That's where you're from, isn't it?" Phoenix seemed to realize._

_I nodded. Indeed, the Green Valley was the homeland I had only known for about a week before Team Galactic took over the place. They had set out to capture as many Pokémon as they could from the Valley. Unfortunately for them, that number had been hampered when one of the Team Galactic members set the Valley on fire. They had killed more Pokémon than they took captive. The Riolu Egg must have been one of those killed Pokémon._

_"Do you know HOW the fire started anyway?" I asked Phoenix. I wanted to know how the entirety of my life got messed up._

_"Yeah, I was already dead and up here when that fire happened. A lot of us saw that there were four Team Galactic Commanders. The Commander with short red hair and a short grayish dress set the fire."_

_"She… she did?" I muttered to myself slowly. I knew Mars was technically 'evil' but she didn't seem to be on that despicable of a level._

_"By complete accident. Somehow, her broken flashlight lit the tail of a sleeping Chatot on fire and… things went downhill." Phoenix added, completely changing my line of thinking._

_"The fire…" I slowly said. "The fire that killed my parents, this Riolu, the entire Valley, and complete screwed up my life… you mean to tell me that was a complete ACCIDENT?" I yelled out the last word harshly._

_I couldn't believe it. I knew my life had been both screwed up and short, but I always thought that fire was intentionally started. The messed up 3 years of my life was just a cruel twist of fate._

_"I know you're angry. A lot of people would be." he told me._

_"That would be… somewhat of an understatement."_

_"But everything happens for a reason, Aaron. A lot of people think God doesn't intervene with earthly relations, but it's quite the opposite. You often hear of these medical miracles where someone simply shouldn't have survived. And then you have good fortune striking a man against all odds when he and his family were on the streets. And then you have us… you know, before we died. There are all kinds of people, animals, and Pokémon, willing to do the right thing and help each other out, even when things get tough. God acts more in mortals' lives than you could ever believe. But He doesn't meddle too much, and still lets the bad stuff happen. Otherwise, He would have too much control over our lives. God wants us to follow Him because we chose to, not because we were forced to."_

* * *

Wow. . .that was deep. Now, this is the kind of author I was hoping for! I mean, did one of the writers from Friendship is Witchcraft write the first half of this story? Cause, that wouldn't surprise me if that had happened! Seriously, the second half is clearly written better. It's like, AuraWielder needed to warm up before his genius started working.

So, with an Egg to replace himself with, Aaron basically jumps off a cloud and down to Earth.

Meanwhile, Team Galactic has given up on Alpha, not wanting to get blown up like the creators of Mewtwo, and is finally getting with their real plan, from the Anime!

* * *

_"After he escaped, I've given it some thought." he said calmly. "A different project. One that will not just allow us to take over the world, but one that will put Pokémon GODS at our command. You've heard of the Lake Trio, Azelf, Mesprit, and Uxie, right? We extract the jewels from their foreheads, and create a chain that will allow us to enslave the rulers of time and space, Dialga and Palkia. With them enslaved, we don't risk having them disobey us when we have the command over them."_

* * *

That was a nice summary of their official evil plan! Anderson, however, is not amused.

* * *

_"FINE!" he yelled again at the top of his lungs. "THAT'S DANDY! WELL, GUESS WHAT? I DON'T NEED YOU! I DON'T NEED ANY OF YOU! I WILL GET PROJECT ALPHA MYSELF AND HAVE THE ENTIRE WORLD TO MYSELF!"_

_Cyrus didn't seem fazed by his insane shouting in the slightest. "You may go to your office and collect your stuff. Go to the Galactic Gym and pick up any Pokémon you may have there."_

_Anderson snatched the prototype plans for Project Alpha and walked out the door, this time in an eerie calm. Once he left the room, Jupiter turned to Cyrus._

_"Don't you think we should do something about him? I mean, the Doctor?"_

_"No." Cyrus stated flatly. "He's too insane to think rationally now. This will inevitably cause him to fail since he cannot think his actions through. He will bring himself down. This is exactly why we must have a world run by strict logic and without emotions. They just get in the way…"_

* * *

What do you know! Cyrus is in character!

So Anderson, with a Charizard and Tyranitar he captured with Dark Balls. . .huh, I guess he was friends with the Iron Masked Marauder! Anyway, Anderson is off to capture Alpha himself. . .

Yeah, how many scientists did Mewtwo kill in one blast again? Seriously, the Black Mesa scientists had a better chance of survival.

So, as Phoenix and Aaron search Team Galactic Labs for Riley in Chapter 13, in Chapter 14. . .

* * *

_"My house…"_

_Alpha and Riley still stood in front of Riley's home… well, what it used to be anyways._

_"This is most unfortunate." Alpha told him. "Did you, by chance, purchase homeowner's insurance?"_

_Riley stood there, very flustered. "I… never really got around to it… wait, how would you even know what homeowner's insurance IS? You just came out of a test tube!"_

_"…I don't know, actually." Alpha thought for a second. "Could be the result of genetic engineering."_

_"Sure." Riley rolled his eyes. "Genetic engineering is how you know about homeowner's insurance. Why would you even need to know that?"_

_"From what I've heard around me during development, they said that it would be useful to have when Mars is around."_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

_(Keldeo moans and holds his head)_

Oh boy, we're back in failed joke land!

* * *

_"W-What? H-How on Earth… is my Wii absolutely untouched? In a fire, I kinda expected that to be the first to go." he wondered._

_Alpha walked up to the console and picked it up. "Hmm. Interesting object. It's called a 'Wii'? Sounds slightly phallic… however, it appears to be made up of some kind of indestructible substance that the company must have created. I dub thee Nintendium."_

_"Nintendium?" Riley stared at the angelic-looking Lucario._

_"Uh-huh."_

_"You've gotta be joking me."_

_"Alas, I am not."_

* * *

_(Keldeo faces hooves)_

Where's the joke? I don't get it! How is that funny? Are you saying that Nintendo is awesome? If you had an melted XBox 360 or a destroyed Playstation 3 lying next to it the joke would've been a little bit funnier, I guess. But. . .I don't see a joke here, how is this funny?

So, Riley decides to call the person who inadvertently led to Aaron's death.

* * *

_"Oh Maylene, thank goodness; I need to talk to-"_

_"Uh, well Riley, I'm kinda tied up at the moment."_

_"With what?" asked Riley, noting a lot of noise in the background. "And what's going on there?"_

_Maylene sighed. "I'm at the Veilstone Game Corner; Dad's gone and gambled with his welfare money… again. Right now, Lucas is trying to claw him away from the slot machines…"_

_"Come ON, old man! LET… GO!" Lucas shouted, sinking his claws into Maylene's father and pulling with all of his strength._

_"No, come on please! I can win this! I know I can! I CAN WIN THIS!"_

* * *

_(Keldeo's eyes light up)_

Aha! I've figured out the formula for this Fanfic! Whenever Lucas and Maylene show up, tell as many stupid jokes as you can! Genius! Or it would've been if stupid jokes didn't _suck!_

So Riley breaks the news of Aaron's death to Maylene and tells her his car has been stolen.

* * *

_"It's a long story. A VERY long story. But first, I need you to pick me up and meet someone."_

_"You HAVE a car. You can just drive here you know, and it's not really an opportune time for me to leave…"_

_"Oh believe me, I would, except I think my car got stolen when we went to Canalave City's ice cream shop!"_

_"OK! OK, no need to shout… All right, I'll be there as soon as I can, but when I arrive, you'd better have a REALLY good explanation for this!"_

* * *

Hmm, I don't know, how about, "When you knocked us all unconscious and walked away, Team Galactic came and kidnapped us and murdered Aaron! How's that for an explanation you- you- you-" Gah! Wheatley, help!

_Wheatley: I despise you! I loath you! You arrogant, awful. . . monster of a woman! . . .This. . .would have been a triumph if it weren't for you!_

Thank you!

* * *

_Riley sighed as he put up his cell phone. "Great. My house gets burned down, my car gets stolen, AND Aaron's dead! Can this get ANY WORSE?" he shouted to the heavens._

_Alpha approached him. "You do realize that if you say that if you say that, things really might get worse?"_

_Suddenly, a thunderous boom rang out in the skies. The clouds began to grow dark and it started to rain. The drops hit the duo as Riley cursed._

_"Aaaaand… it's raining. Of course. Silly me. Things can ALWAYS get worse!"_

_"…Intriguing. You say things can't get worse, and then they do. I must look into this phenomenon."_

_"Daaaarrgh!"_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

And you know what's weird. This was before Yu-Gi-Oh Zexal, and Alpha is like if Astral spouted unfunny jokes!

So the pair go an get ice cream,_ still sticking with the shiny Lucario story. . ._

And they discuss what to do with Anderson.

* * *

_"I don't know, really. To be honest, more than anything, I want him DEAD for what he's done."_

_"That's not out of my league." Alpha assured Riley._

_"…But."_

_"But what?"_

_Riley sighed. "As bad as Doctor Anderson is… Maybe we could give him a second chance… a chance to fess up for his crimes before we try to kill him."_

_"…Why would you do that? You… saw how evil he is. That's why I didn't want to be like him, or help him rule the world. That's why I saved you. Why would ever consider…?"_

_"This reminds me of a story, actually. The concept of second chances. Back in the Biblical Times, God asked Jonah to preach His Word to the Ninevites. I'm not going to lecture you on His Word, 'cause believe me, it irks me too when people lecture. But to give a bit of background info, these guys were jerks. They regularly robbed and murdered people; they worshiped false gods, and all sort of other crap. Everybody, including Jonah, just wanted God to destroy the entire city."_

_"Hmm. You have me intrigued. So why didn't he?"_

_"God wanted to give them a second chance. Even after they had turned to evil, He was still willing to give them another shot."_

_"From what I understand, I don't think it would have worked."_

_"But, it did. That's why I want to try to give the Doctor another chance. If he fesses up to his crimes and turn himself towards good, we can avoid things getting bloody."_

_"OK…" said Alpha, finishing up his ice cream. "We'll try this… I'm willing to give this a shot… but if he doesn't, we put him down permanently. We kill him. Deal?" Alpha held out his paw._

_Riley glanced at Alpha's paw, thinking about the offer. He then took his paw and shook it firmly._

_"…Deal."_

* * *

_(Keldeo chuckles)_

Yeah, maybe Anderson will change. Yeah. . .right. . .

But I guess giving people second chances is a good lesson to learn, but at the same time you can't let killers go free. . .

* * *

_Pokémon © Nintendo / Game Freak_

_Yep, the 14th chapter is done. Riley wants to give Doctor Anderson another chance after everything he's done. Give him a chance to turn it all around. Will he?_

_Anyway, read and review, and look forward for more chapters to come! The next one will focus a bit more on the Doctor..._

* * *

Which means it's time for me to take a break!

When I come back it'll be the final part!

Really, I promise, it'll be the last one. "Breaking the Chains" will be finished.

Honestly.

Come on, A Sword of Justice never lies!

**We'll be right back!**

**_The comments expressed in this review are exaggerated and more focused on the negative aspects rather than the good aspects in an attempt to create humorous reactions. Therefore, there may be a chance that there may be an appearance of bashing when in reality there is none and the FanFiction itself is in fact a very good one and deserves the highest praise. Also, particularly bad FanFictions will receive a total thrashing._**


	21. Dramatic Skit 4

Meloetta floated along with the wind, enjoying the beautiful day in the Forest Village. However, she stopped when she noticed Keldeo sitting in the field, apparently meditating.

"Keldeo?" Meloetta said as she approached him, "I didn't expect to find you here?"

Keldeo didn't answer for a moment, then he opened his eyes and spoke without looking at her.

"For a brief moment, I forgot what I learned from the ending of _Ratatouille._"

"Huh?" Meloetta said, cocking her head in confusion.

Keldeo continued, "I forgot what being a critic was all about. I may have actually forgotten that I was supposed to review things. So I didn't review, I ranted and complained. I was doing it just so people could get surprised and laugh. Shock value, basically. But that's not what reviewing is all about. And I con't _really_ say I was trying to be funny, because ranting and complaining isn't funny either. That's why Part 3 of my 'Breaking the Chains' review was the worst piece of work I have ever put out. Dare I say it, it was _unjust._"

Keldeo let out a shaky breath, and trembled a bit. "You have no idea how shameful that part of the review was for me. The Swords of justice all gave me the cold shoulder, wouldn't even talk to me. It will forever be a stain on my soul."

Keldeo then suddenly turned to look Meloetta in the eye. "But I learned my lesson. I knew that if I wanted people to continue reading this, if I didn't want to abandon this, if I wanted to continue to criticize with good humored jokes that could even make the source material's author laugh; then I had to remember that deep down, when I criticize others, I have to put myself in their position. I need to understand what it feels like to be on the other side, and ask myself, as a Sword of Justice, as a Christian 'are my critiques truly valid? Am I nit-picking? Am I mocking? Am I exaggerating? Am I. . ._ being a bully. . .?'"_

Keldeo smiled, "And so, that's what I did. And out came Part 4 of my 'Breaking the Chains' review. And at that moment, I finally realized, that I wasn't just back, but back_ on the right track_."

"Keldeo. . ." Meloetta whispered. Then, she flew in close and hugged Keldeo.

"Meloetta. . ." Keldeo said, "Could you. . .sing a song for me? To remind me of this day. . ."

Meloetta smiled, "I knew you'd ask that." Then she twirled around, transforming into her red headed Pirouette Form, silently this time.

* * *

Roxie ripped into her guitar as "Koffing and the Toxics" played loud for Meloetta's song.

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_

_No more pretentious rants!_

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**It's me.**

** Keldeo The Critic. **

**And I'm back to reviewing Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice. . . . . .**


	22. Breaking the Chains- Chapters 14 to 18

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Breaking the Chains by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's Point of View, of course)**

Well, it's about that time, isn't it? It's time for Dr. Anderson's POV, in Chapter 15: Past of the Captured.

Okay, I honestly don't see any insanity in him. Rage, sure, but he doesn't seem particularly crazy. . .

* * *

_I made my way into the heart of Canalave City. It had been a while since I came here earlier. I had searched a lot of houses, but I couldn't remember which one was Riley's to save my life. I also didn't get the chance to put a tracking device on Alpha, so my only option was to check the houses one by one, to figure out which was Riley's. I sighed. This was going to be long and tedious work._

_50 houses along with some smoldering pile of ash that USED to be a house, 23 angry women, 15 punches, and 1 frying pan to the head later, I STILL had no luck. And I really needed some aspirin for the killer headache I had. I don't get it. What's wrong with an eccentric Team Galactic scientist asking for the whereabouts of a genetic experiment?_

_…Never mind._

* * *

Okay, I take it back!

Wait, what's this? We actually get a glimpse into his Charizard's POV!

* * *

_Charizard's POV_

_I hate you. I hate you. That's what I think about this man. I refuse to call him 'master'. I find myself tied to this man against my will. I've been stuck here for the longest time, for… I can't remember how long. My mind, unfortunately, is still under my control. He controls my body. My mind is free, but my body is not. It's a form of torture really. Being trapped with this evil man with my family back home. Unable to leave. I've tried my hardest to break the hold, but… it's just too damn strong. My kids… my wife… They probably don't even know what happened to their father. They probably think I abandoned them. My kids have probably grown up into Charizards at this point. I only left to get some food…_

_Flashback_

_"Just a few more Pecha Berries…"_

_I was walking just outside the Charicific Valley in Johto-_

* * *

Wait-wait-wait-wait. . .

You left the Valley?

Wow, this guy isn't to bright.

Well, you can probably guess what happened. Anderson saw him, sent out his Tyranitar, knocked him out, and caught him in a Dark Ball. And, gosh, his story's nearly as depressing as Aaron's.

* * *

_I was collecting berries for my children as well as my wife Elizabeth, another Charizard. Today was her birthday, so I was collecting her favorite; Pecha Berries. We even met over a Pecha Berry that we fought for._

_That was the first time a girl ever beat me._

_…_

_…That's all I remember about my family. I don't recall how I proposed. I can't remember what she was like. Hell, I forgot the names of my own children!_

_…_

_…Yeah, I still can't remember them. Do you know what it's like to forget the names of your own children?_

_…_

* * *

Ouch. . .

Seriously, he's taking things worse than Aaron!

But then again, it's kinda debatable who's worse off here. Charizard's family is still alive while Aaron's family is dead. On one hand, knowing your family's alive gives you hope, but on the other hand it makes you worry if they've moved on, forgotten about you, or hate you for "_leaving them"._ Aaron was tortured physically, but Charizard was made into a slave. Charizard probably hasn't been through much pain, and hasn't been killed either, but the loss of free will can probably drive someone crazy.

But still, while Aaron was able to tough it all out, this Charizard is pretty much a fatalist pessimist.

* * *

_…I gave up hope a long time ago. It's not happening. I'm never going to see my home again. I'm never going to see my family again. I've accepted that fact already._

_…But yet…_

_…Somewhere, in the back of my head… I've had this crazy, convoluted thought. That I would be free someday. Like that Lucario. He was the only one to escape from Team Galactic, even if briefly. If he can get out, can't I?_

_…But who am I kidding? His case was a complete stroke of luck. A million to one chance, with the odds totally against him. No one could perform that again. And even then, they still captured him again._

_…So, here I am. Just waiting. Waiting for time to eventually take me. Well… maybe someday… we'll finally be together in death._

* * *

He kinda reminds me of Peter Fonda in "Thomas and the Magic Railroad"

_Peter Fonda: But I've never been able. . .to make up for the mistake I made. . ._

Okay. . .um, Tyranitar! Yeah, Tyranitar! How come we never see his POV! What makes Charizard better than Tyranitar? I'm pretty sure Tyranitar has decent back-story too!

But it appears we never find out because we go straight to Chapter 16: As the Body Breaks, where we see- No-no-no! Not the "Maylene and Lucas show"! I'm not in the mood for failed jokes right now!

* * *

_"Come on! Can't this dumb thing move any faster?"_

_Maylene groaned as she tried to get her car through the small road on the way to Canalave. The road wasn't packed, but her car ran slowly than a Snorlax and unfortunately, she didn't have a Flying-type Pokémon to simply fly to Canalave, as she was a Fighting-type Gym Leader._

_Lucas peeked out the window again, with the Slugma several feet ahead of them. "Master, a SLUGMA going faster than this worthless piece of-"_

_Suddenly, the brakes were slammed and the car was brought to a loud, screeching halt._

_"Hey, what was that for?" Lucas asked her._

_"Look, Lucas. I am NOT in the mood to hear about your snarkiness. I get to start off my day with finding out that my father gambled away all of his welfare money AGAIN, then I get the call from Riley that Aaron's apparently dead, so NO, I'm really not in a good mood. I don't want to hear about how my car is a good for nothing pile of crap, or your 'I told you so' story. So, please… just let me drive my car in silence."_

* * *

_(Keldeo is visibly shocked)_

Wow.

That was awesome.

Finally, we're actually getting somewhere with these two! I've been waiting 11 chapters for a scene like this! Lucas has been spoiled complainer with stupid comments the whole story, and I am so _glad_ that Maylene is finally putting her foot down.

So we get a "counting Mareep" scene with Lucas, where we delve into his inner thoughts. . .

It's actually kinda poetic, so I'd suggest you go read it yourself.

So, 2 hours of sleep later. . .

* * *

_"That's a relief." he said, peeking at the dashboard. "Just ran out of gas is all."_

_"Oh, that's all?" Maylene sighed in frustration. "No, I don't suppose the fact that we're OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF FREAKIN' NOWHERE WITH NO GAS IN A BLIZZARD is a big issue, right?"_

_Lucas looked out the window after a loud 'THUNK!' from heavy hail hit the car. Yep. Giant blizzard of doom outside trying to maul the car. And, would you look at that, hail the size of golf balls. It's been a great day so far, hasn't it?_

* * *

**_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self Test Complete_**

* * *

_"Well, this can't be right…" he muttered. "A blizzard shouldn't be here in the lower half of Sinnoh. Unless…"_

_Lucas sighed. "I'm gonna have to check this out."_

_"Are you crazy?" Maylene looked at him. "You're going to get yourself killed!"_

_"Don't worry about me. I'm part Steel-type. I'll be fine."_

_"But that blizzard is…"_

_He stepped outside into the dangerous blizzard (fortunately, he had that handy resistance to Ice), not hearing the rest of Maylene's sentence. Coming across a number of wild, savage Ice-type Pokémon nearby, he managed to make quick work of them thanks to said resistance. Traveling further and starting to shiver, he navigated his way to a signpost to check their location. He groaned when he saw it read 'Route 216'._

_"Just how does one get so horrifically lost? She must have driven through the entire Mt. Coronet range while I was sleeping to get here! You'd think that would tip her off…"_

* * *

_(Keldeo has a deadpan expression on)_

Really. . .is this a female driver joke?

Well, anyway, Lucas' tracks get covered by the snow, causing him to wander around in the freezing blizzard. Luckily, he finds his way back to the car, only to pass out from the cold and frostbite _all over his body! _Wow, I don't think we all hated Lucas this much!

So Maylene tends his wounds with Ice Heals and Super Potions, and pair are stranded for another half hour.

* * *

_"Nice going, Maylene." she said, talking to herself in the third person. "How do you screw up THAT much?" _

* * *

You know, that's a good question. I mean, my gosh, _how did you screw up THAT much?!_

* * *

_She peeked outside the window, but the blizzard wasn't getting any better. Looking back into the glove compartment, they had some food supplies… that is, if a bag of Cheez-its and a half-eaten pretzel could count as 'food supplies'. She searched further in the compartment. Other than that, there was some lint, but…_

_"And if this blizzard doesn't kill us, starvation will. " She leaned back in her chair again._

_"…Uh."_

_"Yeah Lucas, what is it?" she asked grumpily, with her arms crossed. _

* * *

_(Tick. . .tick. . .tick. . .DING!)_

* * *

_Only after a few seconds did she realize what that groan meant. Almost immediately, she unbuckled and went to the back of the car._

_She stood next to Lucas, looking over him. His body seemed to be moving slightly, and she rubbed his head._

_"Lucas…" she muttered. "You better be OK."_

_As she continued rubbing his head, Lucas started to stir a bit more, coming out of unconsciousness. Maylene felt his four paws and chest spike, both of which were still very cold. While she examined the spike, ice was still on it, and didn't seem to be melting off. She tried to pry the remaining ice off, but it was still adhered onto it. Lucas didn't seem to respond to the action, so she continued to try to pull it off. She thought she had it, until one wrong motion…_

_SNAP!_

* * *

_(Keldeo has a look of horror on his face)_

No. . . .

You didn't.

* * *

_She pulled back with the ice in her hands. She felt successful for a split second. Then she looked into the ice she pried off. The chest spike was in there. The extreme cold had made the calcium in the solid spike to freeze up and become brittle. The pain of the chest spike ripping off brought Lucas to full consciousness, and he found himself screaming in horror._

* * *

This has got to be even worse than when my horn broke! At least it was only the top half! And it grew back! I didn't even bleed! This is like. . .like. . . getting an ear ripped off, I don't know! And I don't think Lucario spikes grow back either. . .

* * *

_"…That spike means a lot to us Lucarios. More than you know." he continued to shiver under the blanket. "It speaks of our power as a species. Though, I guess not much of MY power…" he chuckled. "But, it's also a part of us. It's like what muscles are to guys and… what cleavage is to women, I suppose. It's the part of our body we like to show off to attract a mate. And it signifies authority and power to other Pokémon species. A Lucario can live his life without it with no ill effects. Some are even born without spikes, but…"_

* * *

Oh my gosh, it's even worse than I imagined. He's pretty much been neutered. I mean, wow. . .my gosh. . .

This is like what I went through when my horn got broken, _times 100. _Seriously, no Lucario deserves a fate like this, especially not Lucas.

I see no point in ranting, that would just cause more trouble. I just simply disagree with this turn of events.

Well, I guess now we get to see Lucas unleash his full fury on Maylene. Oh boy. . .

* * *

_"I'm the one that should feel stupid. A lot of times I don't listen to you. And a lot of times, I have to face the consequences. Same thing here. You were right. I almost DID kill myself out there. I'm fortunate that I even got back here. …And I over-estimate myself. I think I'm capable of doing all of these things, when I keep forgetting that I'm under level 30. I still have work to do. …I guess that, long story short; I should have listened to you. **I **am sorry."_

_Maylene groaned. "Please tell me either that this grows back, or we can pay for surgery or something… not that we have much money with all of Dad's gambling."_

_Lucas sighed. "No, it doesn't grow back. Nor would surgery work. And even if did, we couldn't pay due to… you know, your dad."_

_"Does it still hurt?" Maylene wondered._

_"Nah, it's kind of subsided. It feels a bit weird… but I suppose I'll get used to it. The scar will heal up by itself."_

_"…So, you're NOT angry? Because if I were you, I probably would have lost it. Might have attacked my trainer for doing something like that… and great, now I'm giving you ideas."_

_Lucas chuckled. "Well, you're not me. But a lot has changed for me over these past few days. Meeting Aaron has really… I don't know, made me think about myself. I think I'm a better 'Mon. Besides, with how it just snapped off like that, it probably would have fallen off on its' own."_

_"I suppose you're right."_

_"Still, how are we going to get out of this mess?"_

_Maylene rolled her eyes. "Well, I know one thing. You're definitely not going back out there again."_

_Lucas smiled softly. "Fair enough. Then, I guess we don't have much choice but to wait it out. Hope we turn out alright."_

_Maylene smiled. "Don't worry, Lucas. I think we'll make it."_

* * *

. . . . . .

Wow. . . .

I mean. . . _wow_.

I've never seen such loyalty, such maturity, such growth, such _honor_. .

_(Terrakion, Coballion, and Virizion quickly run in)_

_Virizion: Oh my goodness!_

_Coballion: I can't believe it. . ._

_Terrakion: Gosh! I totally didn't see that coming!_

Yeah guys, we should give Lucas a medal! And if we can't find to fit this situation, we should make one up!

_Coballion: Indeed! In fact, we shall! Terrakion, Stone Edge! Virizion, Leaf Storm!_

_(Terrakion launched Stone Edge, and Coballion hit it with Sacred Sword and Iron Head with such force that the rocks heated up and melded together. Coballion used Sacred Sword to cut it into a round disk about 6 inches in diameter. Virizion's Leaf Storm formed into a rope of leaves that attached to the medal. Coballion then used Sacred Sword to draw a picture of a Lucario's chest spike onto the stone medal) _

_Coballion: Lucas, on behalf on the Swords of Justice, and Lucarios everywhere, I present to you, The Spike of Integrity Award!_

_(There was the sound of applause as Meloetta led Lucas over to Coballion. The Lucario bowed slightly to allow Coballion to place the medal around his neck, where it hung in front of the scar on his chest.)_

_Lucas: Wow. . .oh my goodness. . .Swords of Justice. . .thank you. . ._

_Coballion: No. Thank you. You are an inspiration to all of us. Everyone._

_(Lucas smiled and wiped a tear from his eye.)_

_Lucas: I am so honored. . .I'll do my best to continue to life up to this title. . ._

_(The group then leaves as the quick ceremony as ended)_

So, moving on to Chapter 17: To Canalave City, Phoenix and Aaron decide to use Team Galactic's teleporter to get to Canalave city. After overhearing the new Lake Trio, Dilaga, Palkia plan, they find the teleporter and move on to the final chapter, Chapter 18: A New Beginning Well ,that sounds promising! However, the teleporter ends up sending Phoenix back to Heaven for some reason. . .

* * *

_He was out of the teleport system. He looked around, flapping his wings high in mid-air. He saw the pearly gates to the side of him, and realized that he was back in heaven._

_"Wha-" he muttered confused. "How…?"_

_He slowly flapped his wings back over to the streets of gold. "How could did happen? What even happened?" He ran swiftly past the humans, past the angels, past the Pokémon, past the trees of gold and silver, past the chrysanthemums of ruby and sapphire, and past the roses of diamond and pearl, to a hill out into the distance._

_The same hill Aaron had first climbed when he came here._

* * *

I'm guessing God wanted Aaron to fight the final battle alone, or He wanted to talk to Phoenix? Yeah, the hill is apparently a direct link to God. Uh, it's Heaven. Shouldn't EVERYWHERE be a direct link to God up there? Well, anyway, Phoenix strikes up a conversation with God. I don't know why he doesn't visit Him personally. I mean, you apparently can do that if Aaron's father was able to spill wine on Him. . .

* * *

_"God…" he muttered. "…I confess that I really haven't talked to you much recently. But… I guess I can talk about that later. What I do need to talk about is… well… what do you plan to do with Aaron? We agreed to simply give the egg to Riley and be on our way… but the more time I spent with him; the more it seemed that he really wanted to go back. He wanted to go back to Earth, and live a normal life with Riley. Can you seriously do… wait, what am I saying? Of course you can DO that… but would you WANT it?"_

_He waited. It almost seemed like hours had passed before Phoenix received an answer. Finally, a voice spoke to him telepathically._

_"His desire to return to his realm is strong. I can tell you that he truly does want to go back. Normally, people and Pokémon alike usually don't want to return because it is so perfect up here. But he feels differently. Even after meeting you and his parents, he still desires to go back and live a true life. In the end, there is a loophole he can exploit to return to his realm, but whether or not he chooses to use it is his decision. I don't speak for him."_

_After that, the voice and its' presence vanished, and Phoenix was left alone._

_"…Aaron… whatever you choose… I hope you do the right thing…"_

* * *

Well, Aaron said he wanted to stay in Heaven. Isn't that what the point of this trip was? Drop off the egg and tell Riley to leave him dead?

Well, anyway, Aaron finally catches up with Riley and Alpha. Unfortunately, so does the EVIL Dr. Anderson!

* * *

_"THERE YOU ARE, YOU REBELLIOUS BEAST!"_

_Riley and Alpha looked up to see a man descend on the wings of a Charizard. An all too familiar man._

_"Doctor Anderson." all three of us said in sync._

_"What are YOU doing here?!" Riley yelled at him._

_"More like, what are you two doing STILL ALIVE?!" he growled ferociously. He leapt off of his Charizard and faced Riley and Alpha._

_"…Yeah. I'm not sure if that 'second chance' thing is going to work out." Alpha whispered to Riley._

_"Perhaps n-" Riley was interrupted by a fist to the face by the doctor. He stumbled back into one of the outside table and held his now bleeding mouth._

* * *

So while Alpha holds off Anderson's Pokemon, Riley goes off to try and sense Aaron's Aura so they can communicate.

* * *

_"Where are you?" Riley asked. "Why do you sound like you're in front of me? …And why does your voice sound like Aaron's?"_

_"…Riley. It IS me. I'm just… kinda dead."_

_Riley was baffled. How was this even possible? That simply COULDN'T be Aaron talking to him. He was dead. Dead Pokémon don't come back to life._

_"…A-Aaron? This can't be possible." Riley said, disbelieving. "I saw you die with my own eyes. I saw them extract your aura, your life force. I-I have to be hallucinating."_

_"Then how come you could sense my aura?" I said to him._

_"…" That got Riley to thinking. If Aaron had his aura extracted when he died, then how come Riley could sense it?_

_"…You… bring up a good point." Riley admitted. "How?"_

_"I think that when I died… and ascended to heaven… maybe part of my aura came back? I don't know, Riley. I'm just as confused as you are on this."_

_"…" Riley was still standing there, trying to take in what was happening. Aaron died, he knew that. But then, why has he come back to Earth? What is he doing here? And just what the heck was going on?!_

_"Aaron… umm… this is kind of awkward, but… why are you here? Shouldn't you be in heaven if you ARE dead?"_

_"I probably should, but… I want to come back, Riley. So desperately. You were the first time I EVER got to live my life, and I… it sounds selfish, but I want it back. I want the chance to fully live my life with someone who truly cares about me. Someone like you."_

_Riley teared up a little bit at hearing that. He was the first human Aaron had come to trust. And Riley had wanted Aaron to come back, too._

* * *

I thought you wanted to stay up in Heaven! You know, the ultimate paradise! With your mom and dad! You brought the egg down to replace yourself! Why are you changing your mind without any build up? This came out of nowhere!

* * *

_"I know you're glad I'm here, but Alpha's still out there battling the Doctor. You need to bring me back to life so I can help Alpha. I've been under the Doctor's hand for 3 years. I know everything about him. And Alpha can't defeat him without my help."_

_"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a second!" Riley shouted, stunned. "You want ME to bring you back to life?! I can't do that! I don't know the first thing about-"_

_"Riley. Calm." Aaron assured him. "I've changed a lot since we first met. I know how to bring myself back. Possibly. It's a one-shot chance, but…"_

_"What are you thinking?"_

_"…If Alpha gets killed, it's possible that his aura would make its' way back to the original source. Me. If he dies… I could come back to life."_

_"Wait… could? Possibly?"_

_"There's also the possibility that if Alpha dies…" I paused for a second. "Then that's it. Neither of us would come back to life."_

_"So, you want ME to tell him to kill himself?" Riley asked, somewhat flabbergasted. "Commit suicide? Are you seriously suggesting that?"_

_"Riley… listen to me. Alpha is what Anderson is after. He wants nothing more of Alpha than to use him to take over the world. And he'll never stop until he gets what he wants. I know him too well. And if Alpha dies… and if he can never come back to this world… then everything Anderson has ever worked for will be gone."_

* * *

I'm sorry, but no! The answer is no! Alpha shouldn't commit suicide! I'm sorry Aaron, but you're just gonna have to stay dead! Alpha has as much right to live as you do! And, come on, Alpha doesn't need your help! He's the _Ultimate Pokemon!_ Maybe a level below Mewtwo! He could easily defeat-

* * *

_"Riley!"_

_Riley's eyes widened. That was Alpha's voice. Had he heard the entire conversation that he was having?_

_But then… why was that a panicked scream?_

_Crashes were heard throughout the forest area as Alpha ran towards Riley. The doctor followed behind flying at super speed on his Charizard. He had lost all connection to reality, and had become full-blown INSANE. Even Alpha recognized that the mad doctor would stop at absolutely nothing until Alpha finally became nothing more than his obedient slave._

_"I managed to knock out his Tyranitar, having an easy quadruple advantage against it, but I can't defeat his Charizard! No matter what I do, no matter how powerful of an attack I launch at him, he will not stay down!_

* * *

Oh you gotta be kidding me! The _Ultimate Pokemon_ can't defeat a Charizard? Why doesn't Anderson just take over the world with his Charizard, if he can defeat his precious _Ultimate Pokemon_ with it!

* * *

_Riley and Alpha attempted to dodge the attacks of his Charizard, who was shooting fireballs at them. Fortunately, both of them were rather nimble and managed to sidestep the attacks._

_But rather unfortunately, their path came to an end and they found themselves trapped between Dr. Anderson and the ocean in front of them. While the both of them could swim, if they attempted to do so, they'd end up in jumping down a large, steep cliff and if the fall didn't kill them, the doctor would._

_They were going to have to stand and fight with Aaron still wishing that there was something he could do._

_"I don't like using my aura abilities offensively…" Riley muttered. "But I'll have to make an exception!"_

* * *

_(Keldeo is excited)_

So it all comes down to this! An Aura Guardian and a Mutant Lucario. A mad scientist and a Charizard with the worf effect. The battles of all battles begins, here it goes!

* * *

_The two of them ran at high speed towards the doctor, with fists full of aura. Riley jumped and managed to grab onto the doctor's coat, with Anderson trying to shake him off. It didn't stop Riley from climbing up with his strong grip and attempting to punch him in his face._

_Anderson recoiled from the blow, made extra painful from being powered by aura. Riley leapt down as Alpha prepared to go on the offense._

* * *

Here comes Alpha!

* * *

_Riley watched Alpha wall jump off of a tree to gain enough momentum to reach the doctor, who was flying high up in the sky now. The two grappled with each other, both attempting to strangle the other. The rapid and heavy shifting of weight caused the flying Charizard to lose control, banging into trees, spinning around in many directions, and finally spiraling back towards Riley._

_The human dived out of the way of the Charizard as he crash-landed. However, the forward momentum caused both Alpha and Anderson to tumble off. Their stumble from off the Charizard and to the ocean below seemed to happen in slow motion. Riley leapt to try and grab Alpha to save him._

_He just missed. Barely._

_Charizard pulled him back so Riley wouldn't fall off as well. Riley couldn't pull his eyes away as the two plummeted to what seemed to be their demise. He watched as they fell to see Anderson going even deeper into insanity, still trying to strangle his creation, who was also trying to escape his hold. The doctor seemed to succeed as Alpha suffocated from the lack of oxygen and his neck was crushed. The doctor smirked at what he thought was a victory until he truly realized his situation. Before he could even scream, his body hit the water. With his height from the fall along with his rapid acceleration, he was essentially hitting concrete. The force killed him, with Alpha's body hitting the water much more softly._

* * *

_(Keldeo looks really disappointed)_

What kind of battle was that! They fall off a cliff? Are you serious? What is this?!

_The Gadget Mobile: It's a Disney Movie!_

* * *

_Riley simply stood there, not believing what his eyes had seen. It was over? Just like that? For both Alpha AND Anderson? He looked at Charizard who was just as shocked as he._

* * *

Wow, even Riley agrees with me. Well, at least Charizard is free! Oh, and that Tyranitar, but no one cares about him apparently!

So, after not being able to find the bodies,_ but why would you want to? _Riley takes the time to realize how much this _stinks._

* * *

_"This really is it." he thought. "Both of them… they're dead."_

_Hours seemed to pass as neither Charizard nor Riley moved. Many things went through Riley's head as he stood there. Finding a passed out Lucario in Veilstone. Taking him back home and nursing him back to health. The Lucario's fearful reaction to Riley, scared of him and of what he would do. Befriending the Lucario, and finally learning of his name: Aaron. Learning about his past, and discovering what Team Galactic had done to him. And Aaron finally recovering from his trauma… only to be captured by Team Galactic again. Just to be killed._

_All of it seemed to be so unfair, for one Lucario having to endure such abuse._

_And then along came Alpha, who seemed to have a lot of regret for even existing since it required the death of an innocent Pokémon._

_And now, all three of them were gone. Aaron, Alpha, and Anderson. Never to live again._

_Before Riley knew it, the day had turned to night and Riley had a brief thought about going home… until he remembered that he had no home to return to. He sighed. He didn't feel like going home anyway. Eventually, tiredness swept over him, and he cuddled under Charizard's caring wing, soon falling asleep._

* * *

Hey! Triple A! Heh-heh-heh- oh right, depressing scene. . .

Seriously, this scene is _sad. _It just hits you in the face with how _futile_ everything was. Everyone's dead, and Riley's house burned down. At this point, the only one with a happy ending is Charizard. Oh yeah, and that Tyranitar no one cares about. . .

* * *

_Riley woke up groggy the next morning, especially considering yesterday's hectic events wore him out. He slowly stood up, looking around the rocky edge. Charizard had presumable left, leaving Riley all by his lonesome self. From here, he knew he could navigate his way back home, though there was much to go back to._

_Until…_

_"…ugh…" Riley heard moaning coming from another location on the shore. He quietly yet quickly ran to the sound, wondering in the back of his mind that perhaps Alpha did survive. But then, why did the groan sound so different… yet familiar?_

_Riley walked onto the scene. Immediately, his eye caught onto something._

_A Lucario, groaning and laying on the ground._

_The Lucario managed to stand himself up before Riley could even offer to help him. After hacking out some excess water, he turned to face Riley._

_"R-Riley." he stuttered. "It's me."_

* * *

_(Keldeo doesn't seem at all phased by this, and is smiling brightly)_

Of course! The story has to have a happy ending! The chapter title is happy! So when Alpha died-

* * *

_"So… what happened? How were you able to come back? Did that theory of yours actually work?"_

_"Well… not exactly." Aaron admitted. "I thought it might, but I guess that line of logic doesn't work for bringing back the dead. So, while you were asleep, I went back up to heaven as an angel and talked to God Himself."_

_Riley was incredibly startled. "God? You mean THE God? Are you serious?!"_

_Aaron nodded. "Yes. And I pleaded and pleaded with Him to let me go back to Earth and live a true life. It turns out that I didn't even need to do all of that pleading. He… let me come back, Riley. So I could be with you."_

* * *

_(Keldeo looks around nervously, but is still smiling)  
_

It. . .didn't have to be like that. . .you know. You could've stuck with the "Alpha dying" theory. I mean. . .well God's Will is done, so, if He wants someone to remain living in the world, then so be it. Cancer survivors are proof of this, I guess. Sure, it isn't the same. I mean, Aaron was totally, flat out _killed_, but. . .

_(Keldeo puts his hoof down)_

Look, I'm okay with this explanation! I mean, its better than bringing someone back to life with _tears_ for goodness sake!

* * *

_"What about Alpha?"_

_Aaron smiled. "He's doing very well up there. I saw him on my way out. We finally met and he was a really nice guy. He confessed that he felt really guilty about me having to die so he could live, but I told him that it was OK. In fact, I was glad that he could come up here and that we could meet. And… he told me to tell you that he's cool with everything now. I already told my family and him and Phoenix goodbye."_

* * *

Well, I guess the other explanation give Aaron a chance to say goodbye to his parents. And, yeah, I'm sure they'd understand that he'd want to actually live a better life.

But wait, when did Alpha become a Christian? Shouldn't there been a scene of Riley praying with Alpha and helping him accept Jesus? And hold on! Jesus was not mentioned once in this story! Sure, Jesus is God, I know. But to be saved you have to know _Jesus. Specifically. Personally.__  
_

So, I guess we just have to accept that Alpha became a Christian off-screen.

And what time is it?!

. . .

Title Drop time!

* * *

_"I'm free. I'm rid of my now-broken chains. This is a new beginning for me, Riley." he told him "And I'm glad that it gets to be with you."_

* * *

2x Combo! Story Title and Chapter Title!

* * *

_The two walked together out of the forest and into Canalave City. "…Wait. You mean that pile of ash that burned down?"_

_Riley sighed. "Yes, that home."_

_"…Did you ever get homeowner's insurance?"_

_"NO!"_

* * *

You know, as a 4 Chapter-old Brick Joke. . . . . the homeowner's insurance thing works!

So, we find out, via a phone call from Maylene, that before flying home to his wife and kids in Charific Valley, Charizard came to rescue the Gym Leader and the holder of the Spike of Integrity Award. So, Maylene and Lucas are at Riley's house and- _wait, what?_

* * *

_Riley's eyes widened. "Back in my house?" he thought. "But the house burned to the ground, how can it possibly be there?!"_

_"Uh no, I don't mind. I'll be there soon." he disconnected from the line and started in a mad sprint for the house. It was just now, that Riley realized that all of this time, Aaron was holding an egg._

_"Aaron? Is that… yours?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"So, you made i-"_

_"No, I didn't make it." he said. "It's a little complicated. I got it from a friend who wanted me to give it to you to replace me. But then I wanted to come back to Earth and DID, and I don't really know what to do with it now."_

_"…We'll find somebody to give it to. Maybe give it to some aspiring trainer of Sinnoh or something like that. Now, come on, let's get going!"_

* * *

Well, you just hand waved a plot point which, actually, wasn't much to begin with. . .

And as for Riley's house. . .

* * *

_Riley gasped. His house was here. But… how was it possible? He saw this house burnt to the ground just yesterday! Upon approaching the house, Riley noticed a letter in the open mailbox of the house. He slowly took the letter out of its' envelope and examined it. It was a beautiful golden color, and it spoke of royalty. He finally opened the letter and read its' contents._

_'A little housewarming gift for you and Aaron. I'm sure you'll appreciate it.'_

_Signed, G_

_As Riley folded up the letter and tucked it into his pocket, he realized that everything was finally back to the way it should be._

_Aaron was alive again._

_Anderson was dead, and would no longer threaten them._

_And Alpha had ascended to a better place, one where he could live out the rest of his eternal days happy._

_And with all of that settled, the two of them ran into the house, ready to start a life together anew._

_The End_

* * *

That's right! God rebuilt the house!

I guess this isn't really overdoing it. I mean, gosh, Riley and Aaron have been through so much! I'd say they were in line for a miracle!

And so, our main characters have finally found their happy ending!

Now, after this EXTREMELY LONG review, what is my opinion on this story?

Well, it's the kind of story you read all the way through once, and then page skim over and over again later to re-experience the awesome parts.

The second half really is the better part. The first half has the torture scenes, the stupidity of the Team Galactic leaders, _the_ _rape and bestiality scenes, _and the awful jokes.

The second half has Heaven, more characters, more action, more adventure, _suspense_, character development for Lucas and Maylene (Crowning Moments of Awesomeness/Heartwarming by the way), and BETTER JOKES!

As I said before, the first half seemed like a writer from Friendship is Witchcraft wrote it. The second half pretty much came down from Heaven along with Phoenix and Aaron. Although I wish we could have gotten to see Tyranitar's back story. I mean, come on, Charizard got a back story, and a good one too!

_(Keldeo put a hoof over his heart)_

I'm serious right now, I actually sympathized with Charizard. I wanted him to escape and get back to his wife and kids, and felt happy when he was freed. But I'm disappointed that I couldn't feel any sympathy for Tyranitar because he was barely in the story at all! There could have been an epilogue with them journeying home together, and perhaps a scene where Charizard and his wife embrace as Tyranitar smiles and walks off into the sunset, maybe?

I know I'm starting to look greedy, by we all expected _something_ with Tyranitar.

But if that's my only gripe, I'd say AuraWielder did _very_ well! He made me _feel_ for the characters. I cared about them. And when I thought Maylene and Lucas were just comic foils to Riley and Lucas or maybe even failed side character, this amazing author surprised me with some incredible character development. And the story was so well weaved that the miracles (the key card, coming back to life, the house being rebuilt) seem okay in the context. And although Anderson was a little cliche, quite frankly, cliched villains work, plain and simple.

So, bottom line, this story is awesome! No story is perfect, but this one is definitely one of the best! I'll certainly be reading it again and again.

Personally I hope he writes a squeal. I want to know how the quartet of Lucas, Aaron, Maylene, and Riley go on with their lives. I actually wouldn't mind a sitcom/slice of life kinda story! I mean, that's Friendship is Magic's format and it's one of the best shows on TV! As long as its executed right with good character development, it should be a success. Or maybe it could be an adventure with danger, I'd be okay with that. Personally I wanna see what happens with Charizard, Tyranitar and the little Riolu in that egg!

But still, the fact that I would like a sequel just goes to show how incredible "Breaking the Chains" really is!

I'm Keldeo the Critic. . . .

. . .and I got _Lucario Fever!_

. . . and the only prescription. . .

. . .is more_ Lucario!_ Ha-ha!

(Keldeo prances away to the sound of Lucario's victory theme music from Super Smash Bros. Brawl)

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**Credits**

_Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

_Portal_

_Half-Life_

_Valve_

_My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

_Rainbow Factory by Wooden Toaster_

_Rainbow Factory FanFic by AuraDawn_

_Friendship is Witchcraft by Sherclop Pones_

_Nostalgia Critic: The Review Must Go On_

_Inspector Gadget the Movie_

_Thomas and the Magic Railroad_

_Saturday__ Night Live_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	23. Summer Part 1 Attempt 1- Chapters 1 to 2

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Summer Part 1 Attempt 1 by FictionaryMan03895 **

**(Thrid Person Perspective this itme)**

Keldeo smiled and said, "It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!"

And I've still got _Lucario Fever_!"

* * *

_Force Palm! Force Palm! Now kick him back! Kick! Then Aura Sphere! Take that Pikachu! Yeah! Pikachu's blasting off again! Hahahahaaaa!_

* * *

So that means it's time to review another Lucario Fanfic!"

Suddenly, a blue paw hold up a Yoda Lego Star Wars figure in front of Keldeo's face. There's the sound of someone singing the Star Wars opening theme music. It turns out that there is young Lucario standing next to Keldeo. He was wearing his red scarf, half of it wrapped around his neck, and the other half hanging down, between his chest spike and his left shoulder, almost all the way down to the black line around his waist.

Keldeo pushed the figure away and said, "Stop that. We're reviewing _Pokemon_ Fanfiction, not Star Wars Fanfiction!"

The Lucario smiled , "Heh-heh. Sorry."

Keldeo smiled, "So, you may be wondering who this Lucario is? Well, he's Ryan! And hes' one of the main characters in the story I'm going to review!"

Keldeo cleared his throat and spoke in a soft, dramatic voice, "Ahem!_ This is a story about a boy who becomes best friends with a Pokemon. But soon, the boy and Pokemon realize, that they are more than friends. They are brothers. The name of this heartwarming tale of brotherhood is-."_

Keldeo gasped, "Oops! That's the summary for 'Kevin and Buizel!'"

Ryan appeared to be confused, "Actually, I thought that summary was dead on. . ."

"Okay, okay, let me start again!" Keldeo cleared his throat and started over, ""Ahem!_ This is a story about a boy who becomes best friends with a Pokemon. But soon, the boy and Pokemon realize, that they are more than friends. They are brothers. The name of this heartwarming tale of brotherhood is_ 'Summer Part 1 Attempt 1'_ by_ _FictionaryMan03895."_

Ryan stared at Keldeo, "Uh, that was the exact same summary. Word for word. What are you trying to-."

"So!" Keldeo interrupted, "Let's dive right in to this story. . .which kinda has a weird name. . .I don't get it. . ."

"You'll see as we go along," Ryan said with a knowing smile.

"Okay, so we start with Chapter 1: Meet Jordan. And what do you know! This is a Christian story too! I wonder if the author knows AuraWielder. . . Anyway, it's the last day of school and Jordan is waiting for school to end as his Australian friend Rex is talking about what he's gonna do this Summer."

* * *

_Chapter 1: Meet Jordan_

_"Tick tock. Tick tock," I thought to myself as I looked at the classroom's clock. The big hand was nearly at the twelve, but the little hand was at the eleven. I was shaking my right leg, just because I felt like it. I sat in my desk as I waited for the dismissal bell to ring. I inhaled an amount of air, then I exhaled it at my brown hair that dangling on my forehead. Then I leaned back in my chair as I paid attention to my friend at the front of the room. He was about as old as I was, fifteen years old. He had on black jeans, a green t-shirt, and white sneakers that were a little worn out, and he had orange hair. I listened as he spoke in his Australian accent._

_"…and that is what I plan on doing this summer, fixing a lota cars, having fun with my Raichu, video games and listening to a ton of Rock and Pop. PEACE OUT EVERYBODY!" he shouted as he raised both of his arms and made peace signs. Everyone clapped and applauded as my friend went back to his seat, which was actually next to mine._

_"Nice speech," I said to him. I didn't hear the entire thing, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Although, my friend kinda knew I wasn't entirely paying attention._

_"I saw you staring at the clock, lad," he whispered back to me. "I guess I'm just boring to you, now."_

_"Rex, that's not true," I responded. "Sure, you talk about fixing cars, Raichu, video games, and Rock music all the time, but I'm just waiting to get outta here for the next two-and-a-half months."_

_"Are sure about that?" Rex asked, "'Cause I think you just don't want to keep your blue-and-black dog waiting." Rex was referring to a lucario that I owned._

_"Yeah," I sighed, "It's that, too."_

_"Relax, lad. You worry too much."_

* * *

"So the bell finally rings, and Jordan goes to meet up with you-know-who!"

"That's right! ME!" Ryan said happily.

* * *

_As I looked him in the red eye, he smiled and came over to me. I knelt down on one knee, so that I could be at equal height with him._

_"It's good to see you again, Ryan," I said to him._

_"Right back at you, Jordan," he happily responded._

* * *

Keldeo looked Ryan up and down, "You know, I always thought Lucarios were taller."

Ryan gave a deadpan expression, "Um, I hatched only three years and evolved only a year ago."

Keldeo looked a little embarrassed, "Oh yeah, well, sorry about that, um, okay moving on!"

* * *

_Okay, maybe I should've introduced myself at the start of the story._

_My name is Jordan. I'm fifteen years old, and I live in Seattle, Washington._

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait. How could this take place in the real world?"

"Well, my big brother explains that!" Ryan says.

* * *

_I know what you're all thinking right now. "How on Earth is there Pokemon in the United States?" Well, the northern side of Seattle that I live in is filled with Pokemon. The area that Pokemon inhabit stretches all the way into British Columbia, Canada. Americans discovered them long ago in the late Nineteenth Century. History books says that pokemon were discovered shortly after the Civil War. Ever since they've been discovered, pokemon have been befriended by Americans, mainly children, and studied by American Zoologists and Biologists. They have set up a perimeter called "Sector 01", which is designed to maintain the pokemon population as well as to keep the pokemon from wandering off and getting hurt... or getting someone else hurt. I could go on and on about the history of pokemon in the US, but I just got out of school. Plus, this a story, not a history book._

* * *

Keldeo blinked, "Well. . .wow. . .the author just pretty much rewrote all of history. I mean, why not just have this all take place in the Pokemon world? Why does it have to be in the real world? It's not like _Thomas and the Magic Railroad_ where the only magical thing is the trains talk. The existence of Pokemon is a big thing."

"Well, why shouldn't the story be in the real world? Why shouldn't there be Pokemon in the United States?" Ryan asked determinedly.

". . . .good question. . . okay, so Jordan goes on to introduce himself and Ryan. Talking about how he was his best friend, and brother, since he was a Riolu.

* * *

_Unlike most lucario, who are able to speak telepathically_

* * *

"And once again, it appears we have someone who's never watched the Anime."

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked.

"The only Lucario who ever new telepathy in the series was Sir Aaron's Lucario! No other Lucario ever knew telepathy, and we've seen a lot of them! I mean, that's like saying all Zoruas know telepathy, when clearly the only one who knows it was the Zorua in _Zoroark: Master of Illusions._"

"Well, maybe most Lucarios _do_ know telepathy, and the couple of ones in the anime didn't," Ryan offered.

"Fine then, no big deal anyway. . . So, it turns out that Jordan's dad is a scientist that has invented a special brain operation that can make Pokemon talk."

* * *

_The first few times, when it got too dangerous for the pokemon, he and his team would abort the operation, so that the pokemon would survive. The next thirty-or-forty times, the operations were only temporarily successful, because whenever a pokemon evolved, it lost its ability to speak. The next few barely survived, but the next one after that, the fifty-first, didn't. It was hard for him to recover, but Dad was soon able to try again once he felt like he finally had the perfect solution._

_Coincidentally, Ryan had a deep desire to talk like a human when he was a riolu. Why? Because he wanted to be like the human family he belonged to. He convinced me to volunteer him into this experiment. The operation took nearly seven hours. I was terrified during those seven hours. I cried. I prayed. I even asked Dad if I could come in, but I couldn't. When my dad and his team were done, Ryan miraculously woke up, but he wasn't talking. When I came in to see him, the first thing Ryan ever said was that I was a good brother to him. After I became a Pokemon trainer, and before we challenged the 3rd Gym Leader, Ryan evolved from a riolu to a lucario, and we all experienced that he was still able to talk like a human. Dad had done it. After fifty-one failures, he finally had one success._

* * *

"Woah, wait, time out!"

"What is it, Keldeo?"

Keldeo looked at Ryan, "So, this operation was so dangerous that the one right before you _died_, and you still wanted to go through with it?"

Ryan nodded, "Yeah!"

Keldeo blinked, "Uh. . .wow. . .you're brave. . ."

Ryan stood up straight and said, "I wanted to talk with the family I was a part of more than anything! I was willing to go through with the operation because I wanted to _really_ be like a brother to Jordan. Besides, I had faith that God would help me get through it safely. And I'm sure that my brother's prayers helped too!"

Keldeo nodded, "Yes, I'm sure they did."

Ryan touched his scarf, "Well, my scarf says it all, as Jordan explains. . ."

* * *

_You know that scarf around Ryan's neck? It symbolizes two things; his courage, and his passion towards our human family. For courage, Ryan is will to do what is right, no matter the cost. For passion, Ryan truly loves me as a brother, and my (our) parents, which means Ryan is always willing to protect us. Kinda makes him sound like a superhero, doesn't it? Nah! He prefers 'brother'._

* * *

"Hey! You can't control the story progress! That's my job!" Keldeo said indignantly.

Ryan smiled, "Sorry, but it just worked so well!"

Keldeo sighed, "Anyway, Ryan and Jordan walk by Rex's house."

* * *

_As Ryan and I walked home, we passed by Rex's house. The house was a two story building, but there was definitely something unusual about this house._

_"Ryan?" I asked, "Have you ever noticed Rex's garage?"_

_"What about it?" he responded._

_"Oh nothing. Just that it's big enough to hold TEN cars!"_

_Ryan and I looked and saw that the garage was actually a vehicle repair shop. I looked and saw a big sign that said "Dr. Leroy's Garage: The Doctor's Office for your Cars!"_

_"Jordan, I think a repair shop is the same thing as a garage."_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAHHHHHHHH!_

"What was that?" Ryan asked, looking around.

"That was the 'wah-wah' music. It plays whenever a funny scene or a weird joke happens," Keldeo explained.

Ryan's eyes widened, "Really! Cool! Can I try it?"

"Huh? What do you-?"

* * *

_"Another door?" Iris said in surprise as she, Ash, Cilan, and Keldeo came across another huge subway tunnel door in their way._

_"Just leave it to me," Keldeo said as he jumped in front of the door._

_"Wait a minute!" Iris said, holding out her hand to hold Keldeo back. She then went towards the door. . ._

_. . .and pushed it wide open._

_"Some doors are unlocked, you know!" Iris said with a smile._

_"Axew!" Axew chimed in._

_Keldeo stared blankly at the open door._

* * *

"Wah-wah-wah-waaaahhhhhhhh!" Ryan said, trying to keep from laughing.

Keldeo did not look amused, "Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny."

* * *

_"G'day, mates!" Rex shouted in his Australian accent. He started walking towards us, and I saw that there was a little orange mouse accompanying him. That was his Raichu. I don't know why, but he actually named it "Pika Jr."_

_"Hey, Rex. How are you doing?" I asked as I shook his hand._

_"Good, actually. You know that I have told that I'm a fan at video games?_

_"Thousands of times," Ryan exaggerated as he rolled his red eyes._

_"Well, I just beat that old high score on my new guitar game!"_

_"I see…" I responded._

_"So, I hear that you and Ryan are heading up north for some gym badges."_

_"Actually, we were planning to do just that after church on Sunday," Ryan responded._

_"Can you take me and Pika Jr. with you?"_

_"Come again." I said._

_"I just spoke with my uncle, and he says that it was okay for me to take the summer off, as long as I did something other than video games."_

_"I don't know Rex," I responded._

* * *

"Ex-po-sition! Ex-po-sition! Pump it out AS - AP!" Keldeo and Ryan sang.

"So, it turns out that there are Pokemon in Australia, and that Rex had managed to get 11 gym badges. However, Jordan still wants to test Rex's strength."

* * *

_"I don't know, Rex. Why don't Ryan and I put you and Pika Jr. to the test? If you have that much gut, you can come with us."_

_"Is this a battle you're challenging me to?"_

_"If the baby kangaroo fits in the mommy's pouch, put it in."_

_"You're on!"_

_And then Rex and I shook hands._

_**To Be Continued…**_

* * *

"So then we go right into the aptly named_ Chapter 2: Jordan vs. Rex_. And I must say, I really like how the author added in those Pokedex entrees. So, Rex's first Pokemon is a Metang."

* * *

_"Okay, but this is a warning to both you and Metang!" Jordan called out loud. "This one's a Fire-Type." Jordan then threw his poke ball out, and as it opened, out came a little, humanoid, orange lizard, with fire at the tip of its tail. "Rex and Metang. This little charmander's name is Dragon!" Jordan shouted._

_Rex was amazed at the sight of the little orange lizard. So he pulled out his pokedex and scanned who Jordan called 'Dragon'._

_"**Charmander: the Lizard Pokemon. Charmander is one of the most well behaved Fire-Types, but is very dangerous when angered. The fire at the end of its tail indicates how stimulated it is, so if it is asleep, the flame is put out.**_

* * *

". . . Really? Dragon? That's his name?"

"What's wrong with that name?" Ryan asked defensively.

"Well, it's just that, Charmander isn't a Dragon-type. It's a Fire-type," Keldeo explained.

"But he looks like a Dragon!" Ryan said.

"Well. . . .good point." Keldeo shrugs and says, "So Metang defeats Dragon, meaning its Ryan's turn."

"Oh-oh! This is the part where I use my Light Saber!" Ryan said ecstatically.

* * *

_"Well I think it's time to send that thing to the junkyard!" Jordan shouted with enthusiasm. Metang's eyes widened with fear. "Sorry, no offense. But still, it's time to take you down." Then Jordan turned to Ryan. "Ryan, use Bone Rush!"_

_"I've waiting for those three words all week!" Ryan said with a smile. Ryan then put his paws together and started to create a bone of green energy. Then as the young lucario spread his paws apart, the bone extended to where it was three feet long. Then Ryan started to attack the metal pokemon with his energy bone, and he hit it three times in mid air. The Metang then fell to the ground. Ryan, still holding the energy bone in one paw, knelt down on one knee, in front of the Metang. "That last hit was for Dragon."_

_Then both Ryan and Jordan noticed that Metang had fainted. Rex soon realized this, and drew his metal pokemon back into its poke ball. Ryan then twirled his bone of green energy for a brief moment, and then held it still. Then the bone shortened itself, and the green energy was retracted back into Ryan's paw._

_"Was that a real light saber?" Rex asked with excitement._

_"Nope, but it was pretty close!" Ryan responded._

_"Nice job, Ryan!" Jordan shouted to his lucario brother._

_"Thanks!" Ryan responded. "I've been wanting to use that move ever since you taught it to me on Sunday."_

* * *

"AWESOME!" Ryan shouted.

"Why do you like Star Wars so much?" Keldeo asked curiously.

"Cause it's awesome! Oh yeah, and Aura is kinda like The Force! Get it?"

"Hmm. . .I guess you're right. So after defeating Rex's Steelix too, you decide you need a rest, meaning it's Pika Jr the Raichu vs Sam the Buizel- wait, an Electric-type vs a Water-type? What was Jordan thinking?"

"Type advantages aren't everything, you know!" Ryan said.

"I know. Well, Sam the Buizel is the. . .serious type."

* * *

_Sam was not the 'goofing off' kind of buizel. He was usually a serious type._

_"Okay! Pika Jr., use Agility!" Rex shouted, and the little raichu repeated what he did two turns ago. As he ran around the field, Sam tried to concentrate, he jerked his head from left-to-right and right-to-left so many times, that he fell down. Sam was started to get very annoyed with Pika Jr., and he gritted his teeth and growled at him._

_"Easy, Sam" Jordan said in a gentle tone. "Don't lose your temper."_

_"(Sure. Whatever.)" the little buizel said._

_"Note to self; help Sam find his sense of humor this summer" Jordan thought to himself. He was always very concerned about his pokemon. They were like family to him. Then Jordan remembered Rex's statement about Jordan worrying too much. "Everything's gonna be fine, Jordan. Everything's gonna be fine" he thought to himself._

_"Okay," Jordan spoke out loud, "Sam, use Water Gun!" Sam repeated what he did two turns earlier, although, since he was still dizzy, he sprayed water on Rex instead. When Sam stopped spraying water, his vision became clearer, and he saw that Rex was all wet. His green T-shirt was damp, his black jeans were darker than usual, his white sneakers were grey, and his orange hair was messed up. Ryan smiled, put his paw over his mouth, and quietly chuckled. Pika Jr., on the other hand, fell onto the ground and laughed like an African hyena. Jordan noticed that Sam was smiling and squinting his eyes, almost in a position to laugh._

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAHHHHHH!_

"My turn again!" Ryan said happily.

"Ryan, you can't just-!"

* * *

_Keldeo quickly snarked down the veggie-pita sandwich from the Darumaka Lunch Box. "Delicious!" he said with a smile._

_"Isn't it great!" Ash added, smiling as well._

_The two of them began stuffing their faces full of food. However, they both stopped suddenly and began jerking their heads up and down and pounding on their chests, trying to force down the food stuck in their esophagi. _

_"You two. . .what a couple of little kids," Iris remarked in annoyance._

_"Water!. . . .Water!" Keldeo gasped out in a strained voice._

* * *

"Wah-wah-wah-waaaaahhhhhh!" Ryan said while chuckling.

"Will you cut that out!" Keldeo said in annoyance.

* * *

_"Sam! You were just about to laugh, weren't you?" Jordan said. Sam turned around and looked at Jordan, and shrugged his shoulders. "That's a good start. We'll work on it some more this summer" Jordan said as he smiled._

_"Yo!" Rex shouted. "Now that we've had some laughs, can we get back to the battle?"_

_"Are you kidding? That's why we're here!" Ryan shouted with excitement as he stood up._

_"Alrighty, then!" Jordan exclaimed. "Sam, use Water Gun!" Sam used Water Gun for the third time. This time, it hit. Pika Jr. was now just as wet as Rex was._

_"Pika Jr., use Rain Dance!" Rex shouted. Then the little Raichu started to dance a little. Then everyone looked up to the sky, as it became filled with grey clouds._

* * *

"Meanwhile, not to far away, a girl and her Miltank are walking by, and figure out from the rain that a battle is going on. She was surprised to see you, Ryna. She never saw a real life Lucario before."

* * *

_The young girl reached into her pocket, and pulled out her own pokedex. The pokedex was light blue, and it had a picture of green hills and a yellow flower on the case. Then she opened it up and turned it on. Then she turned around and looked for a good pokemon to scan. As she looked, she noticed Ryan, and her eyes widened in shock. The only time she had ever heard about a lucario was in a bed time story. She decided to scan Ryan. But as she held her pokedex up, Ryan turned his head around towards her. Suddenly nervous, the young girl hid behind the tree._

_Ryan then stared at the tree for a moment. Then he shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the battle. "Maybe she's just too shy" he thought to himself._

* * *

"Looking back, I probably should have gone up to her. . ." Ryan mused.

"But then we wouldn't of had much of a plot later on," Keldeo said.

"Yeah I guess you're right."

"So, by using a combination of Swift Swim and Facade, Sam is able to defeat Pika Jr. in spite of Type advantages!"

* * *

_Rex looked up at Jordan, took a deep breath, and said, "I'm just… disappointed. I really wanted to go on this adventure with you, but you obviously didn't want me to."_

_"Rex… what are you talking about?" Jordan asked._

_"If I won, you'd take me with you. That was the deal, wasn't it?"_

_"Rex, that's crazy. I just wanted to see how tough you really are. In fact, you gave us an intense and exciting battle. Almost as intense and exciting as the third gym battle, last year in August. The Gym Leader had solid Fighting-Types. By the way, Ryan evolved that morning before we challenged the Gym Leader, and he did not know Aura Sphere, yet. You should've seen how he was able KO the Gym Leader's Sawk with just Blaze Kick and Water Pulse! The point is that I just wanted you to share your skills with us."_

_"You mean I can come with you guys?" Rex asked with excitement._

_"Just meet us at the church at one o'clock on Sunday" Ryan responded._

_Then Jordan held out his hand, and Rex grabbed it and shook it._

_"We'll talk more about the trip tomorrow" Jordan said. "You should probably head back home."_

_"Agreed" Rex responded. "I gotta go. Uncle Leroy would kill me if I was late for my shift today. I'll see you lads tomorrow, okay?" Jordan and Ryan nodded their heads. "Great! Come on, Pika Jr. We've got cars to operate on!" And the Australian mechanic and the little raichu headed back to the shop._

* * *

"But wait! the mysterious girl and her Miltank are gone!"

* * *

_As Jordan watched Rex and Pika Jr. walk home, Ryan turned around and looked at the tree. Thinking that the young girl was still there, he decide to walk over to the tree and looked behind it. Ryan then noticed that the young girl was not there._

_"She's gone…" Ryan thought to himself. Then he looked on the grass and noticed that the light blue pokedex with the yellow flower was there. "She must have dropped it when she was leaving." Ryan picked up the pokedex, and believed that returning it was the right thing to do._

_"Ryan?" Jordan asked as he came over to the young lucario. "Come on, let's go. Mom's probably making lunch right now." Then Jordan noticed the pokedex in Ryan's paws. "May I see that, please?" he asked as he held out his hand. Ryan then put the light blue device in his brother's hand. Jordan then looked at it. "Do you know who this belongs to?"_

_"A girl" Ryan responded. "But I couldn't tell who it was. She was watching the battle, but as I looked over, she was way too shy to be noticed. Jordan, since I was the only one who saw her, partially, can I please take it back to her?"_

_"We'll have to search tomorrow, but yes, you can return it to her." Jordan said as he slid the light blue pokedex in his pocket. "Now come on! I'm starving!"_

_Ryan smiled. "Me too."_

_Then Jordan and Ryan headed on home. Ryan was looking forward on going home, but one question was still on his mind: "Who was that girl?"_

_**To Be Continued…**_

* * *

Keldeo scratched his chin in thought, "You know, this kinda reminds me of Yancy's dropped Xtransceiver in Pokemon Black 2. . ."

"Really?" Ryan asked.

"Yep. And if this is going where I think it's going. . ." Keldeo smiled, "Well, you'll be seing her and Jordan together a lot."

"Huh?" Ryan said in confusion.

"Never mind. Well, time for a break!"

"What?! Why?" Ryan gasped.

"I can't review the whole thing is one go! That'd take too long! Besides, I wanna especially focus on the next one! It's my favorite part!"

"Really?"

"Sure! What can I say, I like fluff!"

"What's fluff?"

"You ask too many questions, come on Curiosity Core."

As Keldeo got up to leave, Ryan followed behind him, still asking questions.

"What's wrong with asking questions? What's a Curiosity Core? Who's Yancy?. . ."

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	24. Dramatic Skit 5

"Hey Keldeo! Let's have a battle!" Ryan suggested.

"A Pokemon battle? Hm, I don't know. I _am _a Sword of Justice, and I don't like to hold back-."

"No, no, no! Not a Pokemon battle! I light-saber battle! Your light-saber against mine!" Ryan explained.

Keldeo rolled his eyes, "It's not a light-saber, it's my _Secret_ Sword!" Keldeo smiled and said,_ "_But, okay! I could use the practice! You're on!"

* * *

Ryan and Keldeo stood face-to-face on a cliff top. The setting sun shone orange on one side of them, adding epicness to the scene. The two Pokemon stared at each other, taking this moment very seriously. Ryan spread his paws apart, and a glowing Bone Rush appeared in his hands. Keldeo concentrated hard, and he transformed into his Resolute Form, and his bright Secret Sword grew from his horn.

The two of them stared at each other, waiting to see who would make the first move.

It was Keldeo, who charged towards Ryan with his Secret Sword pointed straight at him. Ryan countered by holding his Bone Rush in front of him, blocking Keldeo's Secret Sword. Keldeo swung downward, but Ryan caught it and pushed upwards. Keldeo then swung sideways, but again was blocked by the Bone Rush.

Green energy met yellow energy again and again, sending sparks of energy flying in all directions.

Ryan managed to slam his Bone Rush on top of Keldeo's Secret Sword. He used the momentum to flip over the Colt Pokemon and land behind him. Ryan raised his Bone Rush to hit Keldeo in the back, but Keldeo was fast from all the training he did with the Swords of Justice. Keldeo kicked up his hind legs and whirled around on his front hooves, turning to face Ryan and meet his Bone Rush with his Secret Sword.

This was a big mistake.

Since Keldeo was standing upside down on his front hooves, he didn't really have much balance. So when his Secret Sword met the Bone Rush, Ryan pushed forward with all his strength. This caused Keldeo to fall over, and tumble close to the side of the cliff.

Keldeo cried out in fear as his rear slid over the edge. He dug his front hooves into the edge as hard as he could to stop himself from falling.

"Gah! If I fall, I'll have to use Aqua Jet to save myself, and that means I forfeit!" Keldeo said.

Ryan stood triumphantly over Keldeo, holding his Bone Rush at the ready, "There is no escape! Don't make me defeat you. Keldeo, you do not yet realize your importance. You've only begun to discover your power! Join me and Jordan, and we will complete your training! With our combined strength, we can _end_ all destructive conflicts, and bring order to both our worlds."

Keldeo shook his head as he desperately tried to get a grip on the ledge with his front hooves, "I'll never surrender! Swords of Justice never give up!"

Ryan sighed, "If only you knew the power of the Aura. . . . The Swords of Justice never told you what happened to your father."

Keldeo blinked and said, "They told me enough. They told me he died in the great fire in the Moor of Icirrus."

Ryan shook his head, and smiled at Keldeo, "No, _I_ am your father."

"No. No! That's not true! _That's impossible!_"

Ryan laughed and said, "Search your feelings, you know it to be-."

"No, seriously," Keldeo said flatly, "That's impossible. I'm older than you. You were born years after I was," he said matter-of-factly.

Ryan blinked, "Oh yeah. . .I guess I really didn't. . .think this joke through enough. . ."

Ryan and Keldeo stood there awkwardly.

"Well, it was funny while it lasted," Keldeo said.

Ryan shrugged, "Yeah, I guess so." Then he smiled, "Well, anyway, I win!"

Ryan swung his Bone Rush down at Keldeo. However, at the last second, Keldeo pushed down hard with his front hooves, and his rear legs kicked up. Keldeo flipped tail over head, and his rear legs landed on Ryan's shoulders. Ryan shouted out in surprise as he was pushed down as Keldeo flipped over him and landed behind him. Before Ryan could think, he felt the point of Keldeo's Secret Sword on his back.

"H-h-how did you-?" Ryan asked, unable to move due to the sword point on his back.

"Upper body strength. Comes from my training with the Swords of Justice," Keldeo said proudly.

"Of course," Ryan moaned as he retracted his Bone Rush. Keldeo did the same with his Secret Sword and returned back to his normal form.

Ryan sat down and said, "What was I thinking! Challenging a Legendary Pokemon! A Sword of Justice!"

Keldeo gave Ryan a friendly punch in the arm and said with a smile, "Hey! Don't get down! You were a worthy opponent! I actually thought you had me that time. Seriously, you're good! you're really good! I'd hate to have a full on Pokemon Battle with you. I mean, those Aura Spheres look strong!"

Ryan smiled, "Well, I'd hate to get hit by one of your Focus Blasts!"

Keldeo chuckled, "Well, good match, Ryan!"

"Right back at ya, Keldeo!"

"Want ot get somethig to eat?"

"Sure! How about a _Darumaka Lunch Box?_"

_"_Ha-ha-ha. Very funny. Ha-ha. . ."


	25. Summer Part 1 Attempt 1- Chapters 3 to 4

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Summer Part 1 Attempt 1 by FictionaryMan03895 **

**(Third Person Perspective this time)**

"So here comes my favorite part, Chapter 3: Brotherly Love," Keldeo said.

"Yeah, I like this chapter too!" Ryan said.

* * *

_Chapter 3: Brotherly Love_

_Omniscient POV_

_"Ryan," Jordan's mom said firmly, "be sure to clean your dishes and put them in the dishwasher."_

_"Yes, Mom" Ryan responded in a friendly voice. After the young lucario did as his human mother told him to do, he came back over to the kitchen table and sat down next to Jordan._

* * *

"Wow. I mean, there's_ Martha Speaks_, and then there's _this_. I mean, you _really_ are a part of the family, Ryan."

Ryan smiled proudly, "Yep! I know! Isn't it great!"

"But don't forget the other characters!" Keldeo said, "They each have their own unique personalities and goals."

* * *

_"You were awesome today, little bro" Jordan said. "You guys were, too," he said to Sam and Dragon, "especially you, Sam. Maybe I should teach you Rain Dance so then you could be faster than a speeding bullet!"_

_Dragon, Jordan, and Ryan laughed. However, Sam just smiled. Everyone soon started to wonder if Sam was preventing himself from laughing. He was always known for his seriousness. In fact, two other pokemon that Jordan had always called him "Serious Sam" whenever they weren't happy with his seriousness._

_Helping Sam with his sense of humor was one of Jordan's goals for the summer. Another goal was raising Dragon to evolve into a charmelion, and then into a charizard. Dragon didn't care about being a charmelion. But he definitely cared about being a char izard, because he wanted to fly. Dragon's father was a charizard, and he always wanted to be like him. On the day Jordan captured Dragon, he promised that that little charmander would be a charizard someday, so that he could fly just like his dad._

* * *

_"Hopefully these will be actual plot points that author will develop!_" Keldeo said in a loud voice.

"Why are you talking like that?" Ryan asked.

"Uh. . .never mind. . .you sure seem to be confident that Jordan's up to the challenge!"

* * *

_"I know Jordan can do it" Ryan muttered to himself. The young lucario always had confidence in his human brother._

_"Do what?" Jordan asked as he looked at Ryan._

_Ryan looked up and responded, "Train Dragon to leap tall buildings in a single bound."_

_Jordan silently laughed. "I guess you're already more powerful than a locomotive, little bro."_

_"Well, I wouldn't say 'more powerful'" Ryan modestly replied._

_Then Jordan got out of his chair and stood behind it._

_"Get up."_

* * *

"Huh?" Keldeo said in confusion.

* * *

_"What?"_

_"That's an order" he said firmly._

_Ryan knew that whenever Jordan said those three words, he was serious. Ryan had a bad feeling about this, but decided to do as Jordan said._

* * *

"Wait, what?"

* * *

_"Did I do something wrong, or did Jordan have something to tell me?" Ryan thought to himself. Then Jordan was clinching a fist, and then he grabbed Ryan's scarf. "He was going to hit me! Why?"_

* * *

_"_What the-?"

* * *

_As Jordan pulled his arm back, Ryan closed his eyes and turned away. Then, Jordan gently placed his knuckles on Ryan's left face. Then Ryan opened his left eye and saw that Jordan was gritting his teeth and squinting his eyes._

_"OOOOOUUCH!" Jordan screamed. Then he fell on his knees, grabbing his wrist with his left hand. Then Ryan soon figured out that Jordan was joking. He stood in silence and looked at Sam and Dragon, who were at the table, and his human mother, who sitting at the table. Then four out of five of them burst out laughing._

_"Jordan, you almost gave me a heart attack!" Ryan chuckled as he looked down at Jordan. "Please don't scare me like that again" Ryan then said as he calmed down._

_"Sorry about that. I just having fun" Jordan replied._

* * *

_". . ._Okay. . .I have no idea what that scene was about. . ."

Ryan was chuckling, and he said, "What, you don't get it? Jordan said I was 'more powerful than a locomotive.' When I didn't believe that, he pretended to prove it by punching me, and then acting like I was so strong that it hurt _him._ Get it?"

Keldeo thought about this for a moment, then he smiled and said, "Oh yeah! I get it! Ha-ha-ha. . .okay moving on! We get to see a Pokemon Sitcom _done right!"_

* * *

_"Ryan" Mom said firmly. "Did you take a shower, yet?"_

_Ryan was now a little bit nervous. He was supposed to take a shower every three weeks, usually to prevent fleas and dry skin, as well as getting rid of the smell._

_"Sorry, Mom" the young lucario replied. "I guess I forgot."_

_"I reminded you early this morning."_

_"Okay. In my defense, it was around 11:30, and I usually head out the door to Jordan's school thirty minutes before class is dismissed."_

_"I said 'early this morning'. 9:30 to be exact."_

_Ryan couldn't think of anything else to say in his defense. "Fine. I'll head upstairs right now." And with that, the young lucario rushed upstairs and into the bathroom._

_Jordan, Mom, Sam, and Dragon heard the door shutting and the water running. The fifteen-year-old boy lead the little buizel and little charmander to the backyard, and then he turned around and looked at his mom. "Mom!" Jordan shouted across the kitchen. "Did you make sure to feed Kyle, Max, and Robin?"_

_"Honey, they're your pokemon. You have to make sure they are fed." Mom said quietly. "And you don't have to shout when I'm in the same room with you."_

_"Eh heheh... Sorry, Mom" Jordan said as he rubbed the back of his head. Soon, Jordan took care of feeding the other three pokemon that he had. Then he sent them out into the backyard so that they could play. "Be sure not to light anything on fire, Dragon" Jordan called out to the little charmander._

_"Charman. Charmander. (I won't. I promise.)" Dragon chanted back as he waved back to Jordan._

* * *

"I find this so charming!"

Ryan shrugged, "I don't know. It seems like a normal day for me. Don't Sitcoms usually have something unusual happen every episode?"

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, but this family has Pokemon, and that's pretty unusual. Anyway, we get a quick scene with Serious Sam."

* * *

_Jordan knelt down to get closer to the little buizel. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's been on your mind for almost a year?" Sam crossed his arms and bowed his head. "Sam, I'm just trying to help you. You need to try to loosen up a little, or else everyone will keep calling you 'Serious Sam'."_

_"Bui buizel buiz! (It's not like that!)" snapped Sam._

_Jordan didn't know exactly what he said, but he could tell that Sam was offended. He sighed as he knelt down and put his hand on the little buizel's back. "I'm sorry, Sam. I just want you guys to get along well with the others. Just try not to get mad at anyone." Sam hugged Jordan before he went outside with the other pokemon. Jordan went back inside and shut the backdoor behind him. He looked up and heard a sudden stop in the running water._

* * *

Keldeo though for a moment and said, "Yeah, where are we on the Angry Short Tempered Grouch-o-Meter?"

Suddenly, a meter depicting the faces of various characters appeared, and Sam's face appeared next to it and slowly moved alongside it.

"Let's see," Keldeo said as he watched the meter's progress, "We're past. . . Knuckles the Echidna from_ Sonic the Hedgehog_. . .Oscar the Grouch from _Sesame Street_. . .which puts us right between-."

_DING!_

"Yosemite Sam from _The Looney Tunes Show_ and Lucas the Lucario from _Breaking the Chains! _Wow, that sure is a huge grouch!" Keldeo said in vague, ironic surprise.

Ryan stared at the meter and poked it with his paw, "How did you. . ? I mean, where did this. . ?"

Keldeo shrugged, "The author did it."

"Oh."

"So, now Ryan and Jordan have a flashback about their brotherly bonding."

* * *

_"Look at you" Jordan whispered._

_Believing it was referenced to his fur, the young lucario sighed. "Please don't laugh. I look embarrassing."_

_Jordan silently chuckled. "I'm not talking about your fur. I'm talking about how you've grown up. I mean... you're taking a shower tri-weekly a-and... it feels like yesterday I was giving you your first bath."_

_"That was three years ago" Ryan spoke softly. Jordan came over and sat down, leaning against the bathtub. Ryan put the towel back on the rack and sat down on Jordan's right side. "Well, my fur isn't gonna dry up that fast, so I guess we can talk about it."_

_"Okay. Well,... it was when you were two-weeks-old."_

_(Flashback)_

_"Ryan, why are licking yourself?" Jordan asked._

_"Riol rio riolu. (I'm giving myself a bath)" the riolu responded._

_"Did you just say that you're giving yourself a… bath?" Jordan asked as he raised his eyebrow in confusion. Ryan nodded. "Well… I don't mean to be offensive, but… you're not doing a very good job at it."_

_"Rio? (What?)" Ryan shouted._

_"I-It's not like that, Ryan. I-It's just that… licking yourself doesn't really make you clean. In fact,… it makes you a bit more dirty."_

_Ryan widened his red eyes in confusion. Then he sat up and listened to what his human brother had to say._

_"Ryan, if you want to clean yourself, you need to use soap, not saliva." Jordan explained. Ryan felt disappointed. Understanding the riolu's facial expression, Jordan wanted to help. "I'll tell you what. How 'bout I give you an actual bath, right now?"_

* * *

"Wait-wait-wait."

"Huh? what is it?" Ryan asked.

"You're a dog-like Pokemon, right?" Keldeo asked.

"Yeah," Ryan said.

"So, why are you doing a cat behavior? I mean, you're not a Meowth or a Purrloin. Licking themselves is what cats do."

"Says who? You're not king of the universe!" Ryan challenged, "If I wanna lick myself, I'll lick myself!"

"Ugh. . .this is really awkward," Keldeo moaned, "Let's back to the story, where the trainer gives his Pokemon a bath. _Well, we haven't seen that before."_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryan said with suspicion.

"Oh nothing. Well, this scene wouldn't be complete without some tickling."

* * *

_Three minutes went by, and Jordan had already gotten Ryan wet and had already washed his head and arms. Jordan took his soapy hand and washed Ryan's chest, and then as he washed Ryan's stomach, the little riolu began to chuckle lightly. Jordan smirked as he decided to have some fun. Then he tickled Ryan in the stomach. The little riolu laughed more and more, and soon Jordan laughed along with him. Soon the twelve-year-old boy and his riolu stopped laughing to catch their breaths._

_"Did you like that, little brother?" Jordan asked as he started washing the end of Ryan's tail. The little riolu nodded and wagged his tail with excitement. "Hold your tail still, little bro!" Jordam chuckled as he grabbed a hold of Ryan's blue, soapy tail. "I enjoyed that moment too" Jordan softly spoke as he continued washing Ryan's tail. "We seemed very happy together." Jordan then looked below Ryan's waist. Thinking that he would have to touch below the waist, Jordan felt embarrassed, and his face turned as red as Ryan's eyes._

_"Uh… Ryan,… do you mind… washing… below your… waist…by yourself?" Jordan hesitatingly asked. Ryan looked at his human brother in confusion. Then the weird and awkward thought hit him._

_"Ri rio! (I get it!)" Ryan said. "Riol ri riolu! (I'll do it on my own!)" The little riolu stood up and held out his paw to let Jordan fill it with pokemon body wash. Then Ryan turned around and wash-_

* * *

"We get it!" Ryan said as he quickly pushed the scene aside with his paw.

"How did you do that?" Keldeo said in surprise.

"Uh. . .the author did it?" Ryan offered.

* * *

_"Does that feel better, now that you're clean?" Jordan asked. Ryan nodded. "Guess you won't have to lick yourself anymore" Jordan chuckled._

* * *

Keldeo smirked and said, "Joyful licking scene in 3. . .2. . .1. . ."

* * *

_Ryan smirked as he gazed at Jordan's brown eyes. Then suddenly, the little riolu tackled Jordan, and as soon as Jordan was on the rug, fortunately with his head up, Ryan started licking him on the left cheek._

_"Ryan! Ryan, please stop! That tickles!" laughed Jordan. As soon as the little riolu stopped, he laughed along with his human brother._

_(End of Flashback)_

* * *

"Yeah, that scene was cute, but I want to see something with some hardcore action and heart," Keldeo said.

"Well then, check out the next two flashbacks!" Ryan said.

* * *

_As soon as Ryan's fur was dry enough, he and Jordan both agreed that he could come out of the bathroom. Jordan went into his room to watch TV, and as Ryan was about to follow in, he decided to go somewhere else. Somewhere for peace and quite. So he walked past Jordan's bedroom door and rushed downstairs._

_It wasn't too long for Jordan to figure out that Ryan was missing. "Hey Mom!" Jordan shouted as he rushed downstairs into the living room. "Have you seen Ryan? I've been looking all over the house for him."_

_Jordan's mom came out of the kitchen. "Ryan told me that he was going to be over by the lake."_

_"Of course!" Jordan face-palmed himself. He felt stupid for forgetting one of the places his lucario brother loved. "Thanks mom." Then Jordan rushed out the front door._

_Soon, Jordan was walking on the sidewalk. Then he came upon a road sign that said, "Verity Lake ahead". Then he walked into the forest. There weren't too many trees there, but there were just enough to consider this place a forest. They were as tall as an average giraffe. Their leaves were bright and green, and their bark's brown color was slightly brighter than Jordan's brown hair._

_It wasn't too long until Jordan saw a big body of water. It was the lake. The reflection of the sun sparkled in the rippling water. The lakefront was bright and green. There were also flowers on the lakefront. Their bright white, yellow, and purple petals brought more color to the lakefront, and their sweet scent mixed nicely with the fresh air. It was very peaceful._

_Jordan looked around the lake to see if he could find Ryan, who was no where to be found. Then he looked down on his left side, and there the young lucario was, sitting in the shade under a tree, cross-legged with his eyes closed, and smelling the sweet aroma. Jordan could tell that Ryan was very happy. He decided to join his little brother, and sat down next to him in the shade. Jordan took his left hand and gently scratched the back of Ryan's right ear. At first Ryan was startled by this sudden feeling, but then he felt very relaxed._

_"Oh… That feels good…" Ryan spoke softly._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "I guess we needed another reminder that Lucario's a dog-like Pokemon!"

* * *

_"I can understand why you love it here, Ryan." Jordan kept his voice low. He didn't want to ruin the quietness. "It's so peaceful out here. I kinda wish this was our backyard."_

_Ryan silently laughed. "Me, too, Jordan. Me, too."_

_"Although... It wasn't peaceful when we first came to this lake." Jordan smile faded as he remembered a bad memory. When he started to remember it, Ryan stopped smiling as well._

_"I remember that day too. It was three years ago."_

_"You were just one-week-old."_

* * *

"Now, this is kinda mind-blowing. What happens next occurs when Ryan is only one-week old!" Keldeo said.

"Pokemon are different than humans, Keldeo, you should know that," Ryan explained, "We're not helpless during our first year in life. Pokemon mature very fast. "

Keldeo smacked his forehead, "Oh yeah, now I feel dumb. Most Pokemon can use moves and battle right after hatching."

"So. . .back to story?"

"Right."

* * *

_(Flashback)_

_Jordan was shoved onto the grassy ground. He looked up at a stout kid with dark red hair. The sleeves on his white shirt appeared to have been torn off. He was accompanied by a Geodude, who was looking tough and ready to beat Jordan up._

_"Shaun, please don't do this." Jordan begged._

_The bully drove his left fist into the palm of his right hand. "You should've thought about that before you said 'no'."_

_"Shaun, for the last time, it was my lunch money. You should've brought your own!"_

_The big bully grabbed Jordan by his dark grey sweatshirt. "You wanna know what happens when I don't get lunch money? I can't get lunch. And when I can't get lunch, I get hungry. And when I get hungry, I'm not happy. And when I'm not happy, I get angry! Do you wanna know what happens when I get angry?"_

_"You turn into a big, green, cranky superhero?" chuckled Jordan._

* * *

Keldeo deadpanned, "Yeah, I really don't think taunting someone bigger and stronger than you is a good idea. Ever heard of running, Jordan?"

* * *

_Shaun took his other fist, and violently punched Jordan on the left side of his face. As the punch impacted Jordan, he fell back, into the ground, violently._

* * *

"Yeah, not a good idea."

"Lay of Jordan! What about this punk! He even brought his Geodude with him! Why? Jordan didn't have any Pokemon with him! What, was he planning on attacking _Jordan _with him! What a total psychopath!" Ryan ranted.

"Relax, he gets his. Because here comes Ryan the Super Riolu to save the day!"

**_Ryaaaaan! The Riolu!_**

**_ Ryaaaaan! The Riolu!_**

* * *

_Ryan slid back as he landed on the ground. The little riolu growled at the big bully as he stood in front of his human brother. Shaun covered his mouth, and then, as he looked at Ryan, revealed a small stream of blood running down his chin._

* * *

**_He's a Riolu!_**

**_He's a superhero!_**

* * *

_"You… little… TERMITE! You broke one of my teeth out!" The big bully spat the tooth out of his mouth and growled at Ryan. Then he looked at his Geodude. "Geodude! Teach that worthless mutt a lesson!"_

* * *

**_He just hatched one week ago!_**

* * *

_The small rock pokemon clinched his fists and start bouncing towards the little riolu. As Geodude was about to punch Ryan, Ryan shoved the palm of his paw onto the rock pokemon's forehead. Then, a huge blast of light blue energy burst out of Ryan's paw and out on Geodude. **(2) **_

* * *

**_And his name is Ryan!_**

* * *

_The big explosion sent the rock pokemon flying past Shaun and into a tree. When Geodude fell onto the ground, yellow static electricity began to cover the rock pokemon._

* * *

**_He's super smart! And super brave!_**

* * *

_Shaun was now intimidated by his dilemma. His Geodude was hurt and paralyzed, and there was an untrained riolu that already knew two powerful attacks. His heart was pounding, and his forehead was sweating, and his hand was twitching as he reached for his poke ball in his pocket._

_"F-Forget this!" the big bully stuttered. "I-I'm outta here!" He pulled the weaken and paralyzed Geodude back into its poke ball, and ran away._

_"Rio Riolu! (That's right! You better run!)" Ryan shouted._

* * *

**_Ryaaaaan! The Riolu!_**

"Was that whole '_Krypto the Superdog_' theme song parody really necessary?" Ryan asked.

"Of course it was!" Keldeo said indignantly, "Besides, that show was awesome! They need to bring it back!"

Ryan shrugged, "Well, okay!"

"By the way, those bold numbers refer to footnotes on the bottom that tell you what moves Ryan used. Like we're not smart enough to figure out what they were on our own. . ." Keldeo said.

"Not all Pokemon fans are experts," Ryan said.

"Or own a Pokedex, apparently. . ." Keldeo mumbled.

* * *

_That's right! Team Rocket has received a female Pikachu, and to tell us she's female, she has a flower in her hair! Yeah, it's not like female Pikachu's have any real natural sexual dimorphisms like, oh, I don't know. . .maybe. . .AN INDENT ON THE TAIL TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A HEART! USE - A - POKEDEX!_

* * *

"I should read '_Pikachu's Girlfriend_' one of these days," Ryan said.

"Don't. Oh, and hey, do you have any hidden skin pouches on your body?"

Ryan looked around awkwardly, "Uh, no. . .why?"

"Oh, no reason. So, Jordan is amazed to see Ryan's power."

* * *

_The little riolu turned around and ran to his human brother, who was lying on the ground, grunting in pain. Jordan struggled to get up. When he looked up at Ryan, he noticed tears running out of his eyes. The little riolu was terrified at what he saw. There was blood running out of Jordan's nose and lower lip, his face was bruised from all the punches, and there was a big, black eye on Jordan's right side. Jordan grunted as he sat up straight._

* * *

Keldeo jumped, "Man! Seriously, Ryan, you could've jumped in a little sooner-."

Keldeo was cut off when he felt Ryan place a paw on his back.

Keldeo gulped, "Uh, n-never mind. . .you can take your Palm- er- paw away now. . ."

* * *

_"Ryan…" Jordan spoke weakly. "You saved me… I didn't even know you had super powers." The little riolu smiled and shrugged. Jordan reached over to Ryan and wiped away the tears from his eyes. "Thank you." The twelve-year-old boy smiled._

* * *

"You didn't know? He's a Pokemon! Of course he has powers! All Pokemon have powers!" Keldeo said in annoyance.

"I think he meant that he didn't know I had learned moves yet," Ryan explained, "That was the very first time I ever used moves."

"Fine, but he could have phrased it better," Keldeo said.

"Speaking of powers. . ."

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, it's just about that time, isn't it."

* * *

_Ryan put his left paw on Jordan's right thigh, and then closed his eyes. The little riolu linked his mind with Jordan's, and sent him a telepathic memory._

_A memory of the day he was born._

_Jordan saw in his mind an image of himself standing in a living room, with a newborn riolu, who was wearing a small, red collar, in his arms._

_"I'm gonna name you… 'Ryan'. Do you like that name?" The little riolu smiled and nodded his head. Then Jordan hugged the newly-named riolu, Ryan. "I love you, Ryan." Ryan felt happy to hear that as he relaxed in Jordan's warming hug._

_After seeing the telepathic memory, Jordan looked Ryan in the red eyes. He was surprised at what happened next. With his right paw, the little riolu pointed at his right eye, then at his chest, and then at Jordan. Then he held up two of his three fingers._

* * *

". . .it feels like I'm missing something. . ." Keldeo said.

"What, you didn't understand it?" Ryan asked in surprise.

Keldeo shrugged, "Sorry, I can't really make those motions out."

Ryan sighed, "Why not think about it for a minute or two."

The music for Jeopardy suddenly starts up, and Keldeo got into a thinking position. The entire musical score played through once, and Keldeo suddenly gasped and nearly jumped for joy.

"I've got it!_ 'I love you too!' _That's what you meant! Ha-ha!" Keldeo cheered.

"Congratulations, it only took you two minutes to figure that out," Ryan commented dryly.

By the way, this isn't criticism of this wonderfully touching scene. I understood this scene perfectly when I read it, and enjoyed it a lot. it's one of the best moments of the story. Keldeo just had a brief moment where he wasn't using his brain.

* * *

_Ryan had never responded to when Jordan said that he loved him before. Jordan was so happy, he was speechless. Then, with out thinking, Jordan picked Ryan up and brought him into a nice, warm hug._

_As Ryan hugged him back, he concentrated on his tail, and deliberately and slowly wagged it._

_Jordan gasped and chuckled at the appearance of Ryan's light blue tail. "Ryan! Your tail is wagging!" Ryan looked up at Jordan and laughed._

_Jordan let Ryan out of his arms and let him sit cross-legged in his lap._

_"Ryan… I know we're not brothers by blood…" Jordan remembered that he was still bleeding. "…Or should I say 'by DNA'. But that doesn't mean we can't be brothers by heart. We'll always be brothers. I promise. But I can't keep this promise on my own. Brotherhood is a two-way street. Can you promise that we'll always be brothers?" Jordan leant his hand out in front of Ryan. The little riolu stared at it for short moment. Then he smiled and shook his paw with his human brother's hand. Then Ryan leapt up to Jordan, and wrapped his arms around him._

_"Ri-ol-u rio" Ryan spoke softly._

_Jordan didn't completely understand Ryan's speech, but this time, he knew exactly what he said._

_"I love you too, Ryan." Jordan wrapped his arms around Ryan._

* * *

"And so, they are now, brothers. Wow, this one did it a lot sooner. . . ."

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked.

"Oh nothing, so back in the present. . ."

* * *

_"Jordan, I really do love you as a brother."_

_"I love you as brother, too, Ryan."_

_Then Ryan came up to Jordan on the front, left side, and hugged him. Ryan made sure that his chest spike was gently between Jordan's arm and side. As Jordan hugged him back, Ryan couldn't help but slowly wag his tail. Jordan silently chuckled at the wagging of the tail, and Ryan silently laughed along with him._

* * *

_"_Extended licking scene in 3. . .2. . .1. . ." Keldeo said.

* * *

_Then, without thinking, Ryan looked up at Jordan and started licking his face, causing Jordan to laugh out loud. The young lucario's tail wagged a little faster as he licked the left side of his human brother's face and as he heard him laughing and begging for him to stop. Ryan soon stopped and laughed along with Jordan. Then Jordan stood up and rubbed Ryan's head. His tail was still wagging, but Ryan was soon able to control it. Jordan turned around and looked at where he came in from._

_"We should go home, now, Ryan. Mom's probably getting worried about us." Jordan spoke in a soft, but serious tone._

_"You're right. Hey, Jordan?" Jordan looked down at his lucario brother. "When we get home, can we talk more about the camping trip?"_

_"He had to bring up the camping trip" Jordan thought to himself. He was starting to have second thoughts on it. "Um… Why don't we talk about it on the way home?"_

* * *

"What? Why? You already invited Rex. Why are you having second thoughts!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"Well in_ Part 4: What's The Point?-" _Ryan began, but Keldeo interrupted him.

"And another this, the first three chapters say _chapter,_ but the remaining chapters say _part. _Why the change? It makes no sense."

"Whatever. So in _Part 4: What's The Point?-"_

"We get a pretty silly reason," Keldeo said.

* * *

_Ryan looked away form the TV and looked at Jordan, who was lying down on his bed, with a depressed face, and his left hand on his forehead. Ryan was starting to worry about Jordan. Then he thought about reading his mind._

_"No!" the young lucario thought to himself. "I shouldn't read his mind. That's a bad habit and an invasion of privacy. I should just ask him." So then, Ryan got up from the couch and walked over to Jordan, and put his paw on Jordan's right shoulder._

* * *

"Oh yeah, and Ryan can read minds. Yeah, that's not important."

_Sarcasm__ Sphere Self-test complete._

* * *

_"You okay, Jordan?" the young lucario asked his human brother. "You don't look so happy."_

_Jordan brought his hand down and inhaled air through his nose. Then he exhaled it and said to Ryan, "What's the point in all this?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"What's the point in this camping trip? I mean… it's just pointless and mindless violence! That's all we are just doing! Fighting. I feel like… this is just… sin and vanity._

* * *

"That's the whole point of the entire Pokemon World!_ Battling! He_ just literally stated why Christianity cannot exist in the same world as Pokemon!" Keldeo exclaimed, then he face hoofed and said, "I'd hate to borrow from a sub-par comedy but. . .take it Patrick Star!"

* * *

_Patrick looked at the campfire and said, "Hey, if we're underwater, how can their be a-?"_

_The fire then promptly went out._

* * *

"You see what he did there! He broke the story!"

"_If you would read the next sentence. . ." _Ryan said in an irritated tone.

* * *

_"Jordan, I don't think this is a sinful thing. I mean, there isn't any killing. It's… like a sport, like soccer or boxing."_

* * *

"But then," Keldeo replied.

* * *

_"Okay. Maybe it's not sin, but it is still vanity. There's no importance to it." Then Jordan sat up and crossed his legs. "Ryan… I think we should cancel the trip."_

_"What? No! Jordan, I think you're looking at it the wrong way!"_

_"Ryan…, please just leave me alone."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged and started to leave, "Well, that's it! The story's broken! Bye Ryan!"

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

_**Credits**_

"Wait! Wait! Hold on a minute!" Ryan shouted desperately as he pushed the Credits aside.

"Will you stop breaking the Fourth Wall!" Keldeo shouted, "I mean, how could the story possibly recover from this? How could the author possibly turn this around?"

Ryan stared at Keldeo for what felt like a long time, and then he said, "The best sources of wisdom are people who are older than you, right?"

Keldeo nodded.

"Job 12:12 says_ 'Wisdom is with aged men, And with length of days, understanding.' _Proverbs 1:8 says '_My son, hear the instruction of your father,' _right?" Ryan continued.

Keldeo nodded again.

"Well then," Ryan said with a smile, "Dad reminded us about a certain Christmas morning. . ."

* * *

_"Jordan doesn't want to do the camping trip anymore, because he thinks its pointless" Ryan answered._

_"Is that true?"_

_"Yes, Dad. I just think… this is just a waist of time."_

_"That's not true, son" the dad replied. Then he turned to Ryan, who was now standing in front of the bed. "Ryan, can you bring your compass to me, please?" he said as he pointed at Jordan's desk, which was across from them._

_"Sure thing, Dad" the young lucario responded, and he walked over to the desk and picked up a small hand compass that was next to Jordan's computer. Ryan opened it up and saw a small picture of Jordan in red pajamas, Ryan, as a riolu, wearing a red collar, a treecko, and an eevee. All four looked very happy, and in the background was a Christmas tree. Ryan brought the compass over to his human father, and gave it to him. The dad then showed the picture to Jordan._

_"Do you remember when this picture was taken?" the dad asked._

_Jordan looked at the picture and smiled. "It was Christmas morning, the year before last. Ryan was able to talk just like a human, and it was his last Christmas as a riolu."_

_"That Christmas changed… your lives."_

_(Flashback)_

_Then Jordan pulled a package out from under the tree. The package was as big as a shoe box, and it was covered in red wrapping paper and a green ribbon. He tore the paper off, and revealed a cardboard box. Jordan then opened it up, and he and Ryan peeked inside. They were both surprised at what they saw._

_Inside the box were two poke balls and a navy blue pokedex with a poke ball decal on the case._

_"Dad…" Jordan muttered as he brought the pokedex out of the box. "Is this…"_

_"An actual pokedex? You bet it is."_

_"Dad… I don't know what to say. Thank…"_

_"Pretty cool, isn't it? Why don't you pull out your poke balls, now?"_

_"Okay." Jordan pulled the two poke balls from the box, and tossed them onto the floor, away from the Christmas tree. As the poke balls opened up, one pokemon came out of each. Jordan and Ryan were amazed by the sight of both pokemon. One of them was a little, light green gecko with a dark green tail and yellow eyes. The other was a cute, brown fox with long, white fur on his neck. Jordan grabbed his pokedex and scanned both of them._

_"Let's see. How about I name you…" he said as he pointed at the treecko. "…Kyle. Do you like that name?"_

_"Treecko!" the little treecko said enthusiastically._

_"He said that he loves that name" Ryan said._

_"Thanks, Ryan" Jordan said. "Now. How about I name you…" he said as he pointed at the eevee. "…Max. As in like 'maximum possibilities'."_

_"Eevee eevee!" the little eevee shouted with excitement as he performed a backflip._

_"Ryan, I don't need a translation for that."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Yeah, I'm seeing some back-story for Jordan's other Pokemon, but-."

"But there's more," Ryan cut in.

* * *

_Jordan then stood up along with his father. "Dad, I don't understand. Why are you giving me a pokedex and two additional pokemon for Christmas?"_

_The dad then put his right hand on the fourteen-year-old boy's left shoulder. "Because next year, you'll need them."_

_"Wait. Dad, are you… letting me be… a Pokemon Trainer?"_

_"Yes. I want you to explore the pokemon-inhabited region of Washington and Canada. I know that you and Ryan want to have an adventure, and that you two want to help me with my studies. There is still a whole lot about pokemon that the world doesn't know. You two can store as much data as you can in your pokedex, study pokemon, and you can have some fun on the way by training and battling pokemon. So here is my question: do you want to go out there and explore the pokemon-inhabited land?"_

_Jordan was overwhelmed. He had no idea what to do next. Then he looked down at Ryan, Kyle, and Max. Jordan then smiled and looked back at his dad._

_"I'll do it. Thanks, Dad." And with that, Jordan hugged his father. "Merry Christmas."_

_"Merry Christmas, Jordan."_

_(End of Flashback)_

_"Maybe I should have been more thorough with this" the dad said to Jordan, who was now sitting up, with his back on the pillow. "Jordan, we know that these are God's creations, right?"_

_"Of course we do, Dad" Jordan replied. Then he looked at Ryan, and rubbed the young lucario's head. "One of them is right here."_

_"Jordan, God wants us to know more about what He has created. And remember what Reverend Peter said at church last Sunday?"_

_"He said that God has a plan for each and every one of us" Ryan responded._

_"Thank you, Ryan" the dad said before he turned back to Jordan. "Jordan, if this is God's plan for you and Ryan to explore and study what He has created, then I believe that canceling the trip would be the wrong thing to do."_

_"Dad's right, Jordan" the young lucario said. "You're like the team captain and I'm like the goalie, on one of God's many teams."_

_Jordan stared down at Ryan's compass. He looked and saw that the red needle was pointing right at him. He thought of it as if Jordan was heading south, and he was supposed to go north. Then he looked at his dad and his brother._

_"You're right, and I guess that the gym battles and the tournaments are another way to meet new pokemon, and to have lots of fun along the way." Jordan then closed his eyes, and bowed his head. "Thank you."_

_"So the trip is still on?" Ryan asked._

_"Definitely" Jordan said as he gave Ryan a light punch on the arm._

_"Thanks for your help, Dad" Ryan said to his human father._

_"You're welcome, Sport."_

_Soon the dad left the room, leaving only Jordan and Ryan._

_"You're such a good brother, Ryan" Jordan said._

_"Thanks, big brother" the young lucario said. Then he held out his right paw. "Can I have my compass back, now?"_

_"Sure" Jordan said as he gave the compass back to Ryan. Then the two looked out the window that was behind them. They looked past the horizon, and saw a mountain. Ryan stood in front of the window and held his compass forward. He and his human brother looked at it, and saw that the red needle was pointing towards the window, towards outside, and towards the mountain._

_"We're heading in the right direction" Ryan said._

_**To Be Continued…**_

* * *

Keldeo's eyes became so wide and sparkly that he almost looked like a My Little Pony.

"OH - MY - GOSH! That was poetic! That was gorgeous! That was a flawless melding of two worlds that so many people have felt were unrecognizable!" Keldeo exulted. He then smiled and pulled a sly look, "You knew what you were doing, FictionaryMan. Oh, you knew how the reaction and build up would go. Oh, you knew!"

Keldeo jumped for joy, and reared up on his hind legs, kicking his front legs around in excitement. "What a glorious illustration of what achievement and aspirations means in the lives of those who follow the plans God lays out for them! How contests, challenges, exploration, and the enjoyment of life is none other than a gift from God Himself!"

Ryan stepped back as Keldeo began prancing and trotting around in happiness, "Hey, Keldeo. You can relax now. . ."

"And with the incredible illustration of the compass pointing them onward on their right, true path! HA! Take that, foul '_Golden Compass_'!"

Ryan smiled and shook his head, "Well, I guess it is about time for another one of those breaks anyway. . ."

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	26. Commercial 3

Hi, Matthais here, and I'm here to tell you that Keldeo The Critic now has an intro video!

_"Keldeo the Critic_" on Youtube Channel Matthais Unidostres!

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Also, while you're tuned in to Channel Matthais Unidostres, why not check out some other Critic related videos.

Like _"Luna Reacts,"_ where the best Alicorn reacts to various things in the tone of the Nostalgia Critic.

Or, if you're a big Nostalgia Critic fan, you should check out the Nostalgia Critic fan videos! You'll find "_Nostalgia Critic- Friendship is Witchcraft_," "_Nostalgia Critic- Kyurem vs The Sword of Justice,_" "_Nostalgia Critic- Editorial- Wolf-I-Fied,_" even "_Nostalgia Critic- Littlest Pet Shop 2012!"_

So, what are you waiting for! Check it out!

But don't forget to come back here! Cause he's Keldeo the Critic, and he reviews Pokemon FanFiction!

And this is Matthais Unidostres signing off!


	27. Summer Part 1 Attempt 1- Chapters 5 to 8

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Summer Part 1 Attempt 1 by FictionaryMan03895**

**(Third Person Perspective this time)**

Keldeo is smiling and appears to still be very happy. "Okay," he said, now we open up at _Part 5: The Mysterious Pokedex, _which takes place at Rex's house in Rex's POV. Kinda weird how the POV keeps jumping around, oh well, whatever. It works in this story. So, Rex has a problem."

* * *

_The two of us went down stairs and into the living room. As we walked in, we looked at uncle Leroy. He was about six feet tall, he had short, black hair, and he was wearing a light-blue mechanic shirt, and black jeans._

_"You wanted to see me, uncle Leroy?" I asked in my Australian accent._

_"Yes. I did" he said in an normal accent. "I need you to do me a favor. I need you to take my two twin daughters out for dinner tonight."_

_I couldn't believe what I just heard. I was being asked to baby-sit my two twin cousins, who are both nine years old, and total geeks._

_"I'm sorry, uncle Leroy… What?" I replied._

_"Let me explain. Your Aunt Megan is out of the country for awhile, and I'm going to be very busy this evening. Since you're the only other 'practical' adult in this house, you need to be in charge of the Jenny and Izzy."_

_"Uncle Leroy, I can understand watching them for a few hours, but… TAKING THEM OUT TO DINNER? Like… a… DATE?"_

_"NO! Absolutely not!" my American uncle shouted in disgust. Then he took a deep breath and continued with his explanation. "Jenny and Izzy got the highest GPA in the class, and I promised them that on the last day of school, they'd get burgers for dinner."_

_I told you they are total geeks._

_"Great" I said sarcastically. "So I'm their babysitter and their 'limo ride'."_

* * *

"Wow, Rex is a jerk," Keldeo commented.

"Not really," Ryan said.

* * *

_"Rex" my uncle said firmly. "You should be more grateful for all that your Aunt Megan and I have done for you since your parents disappeared in Australia. Understanding that you father was my wife's brother, I wanted to help. That's why I took you, Pika Jr., and all your other pokemon in. I sacrificed a lot for you. You need to show some respect."_

_I hated it when he mentioned why I was truly here, back in America. My parents disappeared when I was twelve. Hearing about it was the most painful moment of my life. It makes me wonder if they are even alive anymore. It…, it makes me want to cry. Uncle Leroy and Aunt Megan did sacrifice a lot for me. Uncle Leroy was right. I should be more grateful, and that included helping out with the family. Besides Pika Jr., they might be the only family I have left._

_"Alright, Uncle Leroy" I sighed. "I'll do it."_

_Then he smiled as he looked at me, and said, "Thank you, Rex."_

* * *

Keldeo blinks, "Well that's sad. . .I wonder what happened to them. . .maybe we'll find out later in the story?" Keldeo asked hopefully.

"Who knows. Maybe. . ." Ryan said.

* * *

_So that evening, I took Pika Jr. and my twin, dorky cousins out to the town diner. We enjoyed our cheeseburgers, French fries, and sodas. For dessert, the twins each got a big slice of chocolate cake._

* * *

"What! You just skipped over that scene! You do realize there were comedic opportunities during that scene, right?" Keldeo said.

"Keldeo, they're just having dinner! That's not very funny or exciting," Ryan said.

"The author could have done something with that scene. Gah, I hope we get back to you and Jordan soon. because Rex and Pika Jr. are kinda boring. . ."

* * *

_As they were enjoying dessert, I overheard a teenage girl talking to an old man. I looked at the counter where the cash registers were, and I noticed that the girl was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L. She had long black hair, pretty blue eyes, a white, long-sleeve polo shirt, a nice green skirt, and a pink hair band. If love was lightning, I think I just got struck by it._

* * *

"Well, well, well, it's the shy girl who dropped the Pokedex!" Keldeo said with intrigue, "And Rex has a crush on her!"

* * *

_"…and grandpa. The boy wearing the red shirt and blue jeans didn't just have a buizel, he had a lucario. A REAL-LIVE LUCARIO, GRANDPA! Just like the one in the story you sometimes tell me at night!"_

_Right there, I knew exactly who she was referring to. There is only one lucario in this town, and that was Jordan's, Ryan. Then it hit me. She was spying on us. But why?_

_"Did you scan it with your pokedex?" I heard from the grandfather. As I looked at the girl, she then became sad._

_"I didn't. I was too scared, because… it looked towards me, and… I hid behind the tree with grandma's miltank. I watched the rest of the battle, and then I ran away." the girl paused for a second, and the I saw that she looked even more sad. "Grandpa… I accidentally dropped the pokedex as I ran. The one you saved up for and bought for me."_

_"Well, did you ever get it back?"_

_"No. I went back to the field after lunch and…" Then I noticed tears coming out of her eyes. "…it was gone" she cried. "I'm sorry I lost it, grandpa."_

_Then she hugged him, and as the grandfather hugged her back, she wept a little bit more._

_"It's okay, sweetheart" he said in a gentle voice. "We'll find it tomorrow."_

_"Thank you."_

* * *

Keldeo was wearing a forced smile.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know. . .I mean, I do sympathize with the girl. . .but. . . gosh, where's the violin? I mean, first you got Rex with his parents gone, and this girl with the Pokedex. What, is her family poor? This is kinda s sad chapter."

Keldeo then smiled for real, "But don't worry! Rex will help her!"

* * *

_I felt sorry for the girl. She lost something important that her grandpa gave her, kinda like when I lost something important that God gave me. Then I turned around, and looked at my cousins. Jenny and Izzy were satisfied with dinner and dessert. I looked at Pika Jr. and saw that his little hands were on his belly. He was stuffed with burgers and fries. At least three of us were happy. I smiled to cover up how I was truly feeling right now, and put my hands together under the table. I closed my eyes and bowed my head, as I prayed silently._

_"Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for this day, and thank You for everything You've given us, O Lord. I just pray that You will be with this girl, and You will just place Your hand on her, O God. Please just help her, so that she may find her pokedex. I pray this in Your Son's Holy name. Amen."_

_Afterwards, I paid the bill for dinner, and the four of us went home._

* * *

Keldeo put a forced smile back on.

"Now what?" Ryan said in annoyance.

Keldeo sighed, "Look, it's good that he prayed, but sometime you actually have to _do_ something! Faith without works is dead! I mean, it's like that joke about the guy and the flood:"

* * *

_A terrible storm came into a town and local officials sent out an emergency warning that the riverbanks would soon overflow and flood the nearby homes. They ordered everyone in the town to evacuate immediately._

_A faithful Christian man heard the warning and decided to stay, saying to himself, "I will trust God and if I am in danger, then God will send a divine miracle to save me."_

_The neighbors came by his house and said to him, "We're leaving and there is room for you in our car, please come with us!" But the man declined. "I have faith that God will save me."_

_As the man stood on his porch watching the water rise up the steps, a man in a canoe paddled by and called to him, "Hurry and come into my canoe, the waters are rising quickly!" But the man again said, "No thanks, God will save me."_

_The floodwaters rose higher pouring water into his living room and the man had to retreat to the second floor. A police motorboat came by and saw him at the window. "We will come up and rescue you!" they shouted. But the man refused, waving them off saying, "Use your time to save someone else! I have faith that God will save me!"_

_The flood waters rose higher and higher and the man had to climb up to his rooftop._

_A helicopter spotted him and dropped a rope ladder. A rescue officer came down the ladder and pleaded with the man, "Grab my hand and I will pull you up!" But the man STILL refused, folding his arms tightly to his body. "No thank you! God will save me!"_

_Shortly after, the house broke up and the floodwaters swept the man away and he drowned._

_When in Heaven, the man stood before God and asked, "I put all of my faith in You. Why didn't You come and save me?"_

_And God said, "Son, I sent you a warning. I sent you a car. I sent you a canoe. I sent you a motorboat. I sent you a helicopter. What more were you looking for?"_

* * *

"So, sometimes God needs you to actually _do something_ in order to use you effectively!" Keldeo said.

"Look, Rex didn't know I had the Pokedex, so he's not at fault! There was nothing he could do! And he couldn't just leave Pika Jr and his cousins! He had to stay with them!" Ryan said in defense.

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, I guess you're right. But, he did have a crush on him, so I expected him to do something. I do't know, maybe go over to her and say, 'hey, it'll be alright. I'll let you know if I find your Pokedex. Why don't you describe it to me? And I'll need to contact you, so could you give me your _phone number?"_ Keldeo had sly grin on his face during the last part

"Keldeo!" Ryan said in shock

"Sorry, I couldn't resist! But anyway, now we go back to Jordan's POV. . .where we get an advertisement for the Hunger Games Series!"

"It wasn't an ad-" Ryan said.

"Whatever. We also get some other info. Like how the mattress is Iron-Spike proof, and-."

* * *

_Anyways, Ryan has been sleeping alongside me ever since he was born. In fact, before he evolved from a riolu, I'd always hold him in one of my arms and I'd always try to stay on my back and in one place so I wouldn't hurt him. I built a good habit on staying in one place, and what strengthens it is the fact that Ryan now has metal spikes. I do NOT want one of those things piercing into my body!_

* * *

"- the Trainer and Pokemon sleep alongside each other! _We haven't seen that before!"_

"Will you stop that!" Ryan shouted, "This story isn't copying anything! You're worse than Melloetta in your review of _'Always There For You Buizel!"_

"Okay, okay, you're right, I'm sorry. I thought it was funny," Keldeo sighed, "But I guess it was rude and pointless. I'm sorry."

Ryan smiled, "Well, okay. I forgive you. Just focus on the story."

"Right. So you and Jordan are thinking about what to do about the Pokedex, and how to return it."

* * *

_A lot of questions have been on my mind since early afternoon, when we found that light blue device with the green hills and the yellow flower on it. I had no idea where to start._

_"Ryan… how did you know that someone was spying on us?" I asked._

_"I think we both know the answer to that question" Ryan responded. "After all, I can sense aura, which is given off by living things."_

_"Right," I sighed. "and the pokedex entry does say that a lucario is an AURA pokemon. But something else is on my mind; how did you know that the person was female?"_

_"I could tell by…" Ryan's face turned as red as his eyes. He was probably going to say something embarrassing. "…her… chest" he muttered._

_I was shocked by his answer. "Ryan!"_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

Keldeo turns away and snickers as Ryan glares at him with a fierce blush.

"Alright, Keldeo. You asked for it," Ryan said.

* * *

_"I don't know, Spike, Maybe he's one of those 'Bronies' I've heard about," Twilight said to her dragon assistant as they both stared at Keldeo. The Colt Pokemon quickly kicked aside the paint can which he had used to paint a Pokeball Cutie Mark on his flank._

* * *

"Wah-wah-wah-waaaahhhhhhhh!" Ryan shouted.

"NOOOOOO! I hate that picture! Hate-hate-hate-hate-hate that picture! Hate it! Why must you humiliate me, Raizy!" Keldeo shouted, and he jumped from rock he was standing on and ran into the waterfall behind them. After dousing his head head in cold water for a minute, he slowly walked back and got back up on the rock in the shallow stream.

"Okay," he said, "You don't mention this anymore, and I won't mention that anymore. Okay?"

Ryan nodded, "Alright. I guess we were getting a little carried away."

"Yeah, let's try to keep it civil. Deal?"

Ryan bumped his paw against Keldeo's hoof.

"Deal!" Ryan said with a smile.

"Okay, so Ryan and Jordan decide to return the Pokedex tomorrow. So, in _Part 6: A Fateful Saturday (Part 1)- _wait, so this is Part 1 of Part 6? This is why he should've kept it as Chapters, not Parts! It's just weird. But I digress. . .Anyway, it turns out the girl's name is Alice, _not the one from Rise of Darkrai!, _and she has her grandmother's Miltank and her own, male Kirlia."

* * *

_In her bedroom, the young girl who spied on Jordan and Rex yesterday was trying to decide what to wear. Accompanying her was her grandmother's Miltank and her own, male Kirlia. Alice finally decided to wear a green polo shirt and a blue jean skirt. She then put on a hair band that was sky blue with a yellow flower on the left side. Then she came over to the two pokemon and asked for their opinion._

_"Mili Miltank! (You look gorgeous!)" the Miltank said with admiration. Alice didn't understand pokemon speech, but she could understand pokemon by their tone-of-voice._

_"Thank you, Miltank." She turned to Kirlia. "So? What do you think, Kirlia?"_

_"Y-you look amazing." Kirlia was able to speak telepathically like some Psychic-Type pokemon. "You remind of your pokedex."_

_Alice's eyes began to filled with tears. She then sniffled, and said, "Thank you, Kirlia." Then she sat on her bed and sobbed as tears came streaming out of her eyes._

_"Please, Alice…" Kirlia spoke telepathically and sympathetically. "SUCK IT UP!" he then shouted._

* * *

Keldeo jumped, "AHHHHHH! This guy's worse than Serious Sam! He's tied with Lucas on the Angry Short Tempered Grouch-o-Meter! No, wait, he's not being crouchy, he's being spiteful and cruel. I mean, seriously? 'Suck it up?' Your Trainer is crying for goodness sake!"

* * *

_Then all of a sudden, Miltank took her right, hove-like hand and pinched Kirlia's arm. "Ow… Ow. Ow! OW! OW! OW!" Soon, Alice stopped weeping and looked as Kirlia was rubbing where Miltank had pinched him. "What was that for, Gramma?" he shouted harshly and telepathically._

* * *

"Wait, what, Miltank's his grandmother? How does that work? Well, anyway, good job pinching that spiteful jerk!"

* * *

_"Mil militank. (You need to be nicer to Alice.)" Miltank pointed firmly at Kirlia. "Miltank mil miltank. (She's your best friend and you need to be more comforting when she's hurt. That pokedex has a lot of sentimental value to her, you know.)" Kirlia felt very ashamed as he looked down at the olive green carpet floor._

_"I'm sorry…"_

_"Miltank. (Don't apologize to me.)" Miltank pointed at Kirlia, then to Alice. "Miltank. (Apologize to Alice.)"_

_Kirlia turned to Alice. "Alice, I'm really sorry. I just can't stand to see you like this. We'll find that pokedex today. I promise."_

_Alice smiled as soon as her tears dried up. "Thank you, Kirlia."_

* * *

"Well, Kirlia is definitely not my favorite character so far," Keldeo remarked.

"Hey, give him a change, maybe he'll change," Ryan said.

"Anyway. . ." Keldeo grits his teeth and says angrily, "_After some more advertisements of the Hunger Games,_ Ryan thinks about Alice."

"I didn't know her name then, "Ryan corrected.

"Whatever,"

* * *

_"I just wish I could've met her" Ryan muttered to himself. "She seemed gentle and kind, but also depressed. I just don't know what about that. There's one thing I can do, though, right now." Then Ryan set the pokedex down beside him, and then he put his paws together, closed his eyes, and bowed his head. "God, if You're giving me and Jordan a chance to change this girl's life, we'll be more than happy to take it. Amen." When he finished his prayer, Ryan smiled._

* * *

"Change her life? You're just returning a dropped item," Keldeo said.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways," Ryan quoted.

"Hmm, good point. So Rex is watching hie cousins use the computer."

* * *

_"Oh man! This picture of Barry, Dawn, Empoleon, and Piplup is so hilarious!" chuckled Izzy. "I mean, look at Barry. He's being sprayed with water. Piplup is in Dawn's arms, and he's using Water Gun because he so jealous with Barry being Dawn's boyfriend. And Dawn and Empoleon are just watching it all happen, acting confused!"_

* * *

"Wait a minute, I thought this was the real world? Are the Anime characters real too? Or does the anime exist in this fanfic too and the pictures are just anime screenshots? The author should explain this. Well, anyway, Rex decides that since her cousins want to be Pokemon Photographers, that he should take them along on Jordan and Ryan's trip."

* * *

_"Well, here goes nothing" Rex thought to himself. Then he sighed and spoke out loud, "Uncle Leroy, you that I'm going on a camping trip with Jordan, right? Well, since we are going to be seeing lots of pokemon, I was kinda wondering if… maybe… Izzy and Jenny would like to come with me."_

_Suddenly, there was complete silence in the house. Uncle Leroy, Pika Jr., and Izzy and Jenny looked at Rex._

_"Rex, are you serious?" Leroy asked. Rex nodded. "I-I had no idea you could be so generous."_

_"Well, people change. Anyways, it's not that I have to. It's that I want to. I mean, Izzy and Jenny really want to be pokemon photographers, and this trip may be a huge opportunity for them to chase that dream." Izzy and Jenny were touched by what their Australian cousin was saying, and so was Uncle Leroy._

_"Well, Rex…" Leroy placed his hand right on Rex's left shoulder. "I think that's a very nice for you to do for your cousins."_

_"They may be total geeks, but they're still family, and… I love them." Suddenly, Izzy and Jenny came out and hugged Rex._

* * *

"So moving on to-."

"You forgot the Author's Notes!" Ryan said.

* * *

**_Author's Notes:_**

**_Yes! Riley Hadou is my version of Riley from the games, anime, and manga. I'll make sure to include him and his Lucario in Summer: Chapter 2, along with Barry and his Empoleon, and Dawn and her Piplup. (Who were also mentioned in this chapter.)_**

**_I'm going to use more OC's, but I will use some characters from the franchise in future chapters and stories._**

* * *

"They exist in the real world?" Keldeo said, but then he shrugged, "Well okay, I'm good with that. But come on, if you're gonna do that, you really should put Ash and Pikachu in here too!"

"Eh, that'd be a little too much," Ryan said.

"Fine. So moving on to _Part 7: A Fateful Saturday (Part 2), _man, couldn't he just make one big chapter? Anyway, we finally get to see Jordan's whole Pokemon team."

* * *

_ Jordan walked down the steps on the front porch, and into the front yard. Waiting for him were his three pokemon; Ryan, his lucario, Dragon, his charmander, and Sam, his buizel. There were also three more pokemon who were playing tag around a tree in the yard; Max, Jordan's eevee, Kyle, Jordan's grovyle, and Robin, Jordan's female swellow._

* * *

"So, after a game of tag we get- _what the heck?"_

* * *

_"Ryan, are you okay?" Jordan asked with concern._

_But Ryan didn't answer. Instead, he quickly raised his palms up and created a hemisphere of blue aura energy around the team of seven. Then, out of the sky, a huge bolt of yellow lightning came down right on top of the force field. As the lightning collaborated with the blue energy, everyone's heart was beating faster than ever before. Then, a few seconds after the lightning disappeared, Ryan lowered his arms, thus letting the shield go, and sighed as he looked at everyone else._

_"Is everyone okay?" the young lucario panted._

_"We're fine, Ryan" Jordan said. "Thank you."_

_Ryan smiled and nodded. "Good to know. That... was Thunder, right? Who used it?" Jordan looked to the left and saw a familiar raichu walking from behind the tree._

_"I don't think our friend was trying to hurt us" Jordan said. "I think he was-"_

_"BUISEL? (ARE YOU INSANE?)" Sam shouted angrily. "Bui buisel! (You could've killed us!)"_

_"Raichu! (Come on!)" Pika Jr. said harshly. "Rai chu raichu. (It was just a joke.)"_

* * *

"What the heck is wrong with that Raichu!?" Keldeo shouted, "I mean, okay, most Pokemon can take a Thunder Bolt and keep going, but what if it hit Jordan!"

"Don't say that!" Ryan said in horror.

"See! Even you agree with me!"

* * *

_"He gave us all heart attacks" Ryan said. "Trust me, I could tell from everyone's aura."_

_"C'mon! He was just joking around."_

* * *

"Yeah, that really wasn't a funny joke," Ryan said, "Seriously, Rex, you should have a serious talk with Pika Jr., _don't defend him!"_

"So, Izzy and Jenny see Ryan and-,"

* * *

_Izzy and Jenny were happy to see Robin, but when their eyes met Ryan, they were shocked as if their lives flashed before their eyes._

_"O…" Jenny gasped._

_"O…" Izzy gasped._

_"G…" Jenny gasped._

_"N!" Izzy gasped._

_"A REAL-LIVE LUCARIO?" the two twins simultaneously shouted with excitement. Ryan felt so flattered that his cheeks were as red as his eyes and scarf. The young lucario had no idea what to say. He just stood there and smiled. Then suddenly, Izzy came right up to Ryan and shook his paw like crazy._

_"It is SUCH an honor to meet you. You one of the superest-duperest rarest pokemon in the WORLD!" Izzy said excitedly. "Which reminds me," then she let go of Ryan's paw and turned to Jenny, "YOU own me ten bucks!"_

_"Uh… um… thanks?" Ryan was filled with flatter. Izzy turned around, and she and Jenny gasped with shock. "What? I just being nice and thanking you for the complements."_

_"O O…" Izzy gasped._

_"G N!" Jenny gasped._

_"YOU CAN TALK LIKE A HUMAN?" the two twins spoke simultaneously._

_"It's a long story" Ryan responded. "By the way, it's nice to meet you two."_

* * *

_"GRRRRRR!" _ Keldeo growled.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"They're so annoying!"

"Not really. Just excited."

"What does OOGN stand for?"

* * *

_"'Oh, our goodness'" responded Rex. "It's just something they invented."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged "Okay, that's a nice way to keep from taking the Lord's name in vain. So, before the gang leaves, Rex and Jordan decide to have a Pokemon battle. Meanwhile, Alice, Kirlia, and Alice's Grandpa are looking for the Pokedex."

* * *

_"And how is an old man like you gonna track down a pokedex?" Kirlia asked telepathically, and rudely._

* * *

"Okay, this Kirlia is really pissing me off. What is his problem?" Keldeo said, "All he does is insult people and say rude stuff! What's his motivation?"

Ryan shrugged, "In all honesty, I don't know."

* * *

_"Kirlia, please don't talk to Grandpa that way" Alice requested firmly. Kirlia looked up at his trainer and nodded slowly. "So how are you going to track down my pokedex, Grandpa?"_

_"I went by the Pokemon Center this morning and brought ol' Linoone out of my PC Storage account. You know that Linoone has a strong sense of smell, right?" Alice and Kirlia nodded. "Well, I'm sure he can..." Suddenly, a sphere of blue energy came flying at them. Alice and Kirlia screamed in fear, and Grandpa pulled them out of the way, and the blue sphere burst into the tree. Grandpa held Alice and Kirlia in each of his arms. "Are you two alright?" Grandpa panted as he let go of the two._

_"Yes, old man. We're fine." Kirlia looked at Grandpa, who gave the emotion pokemon a firm look. "Th-thanks to you, that is. I'm sorry, Grandpa."_

* * *

Keldeo gave Ryan a shocked look, "Watch where you're throwing those things!"

"Sorry! I didn't think anyone was around where we were battling!" Ryan said in defense.

"Well, try to work on your aim a bit more. Anyway, remembering that Jordan had a Lucario, the group decides to go to where the Aura Sphere came from and see if they have the Pokedex. So in the next chapter-."

There was a loud buzzer sound.

* * *

_**I'm just announcing that I'm going to reboot this story. I'm just not comfortable with how it's coming along.**_

* * *

Keldeo's eye twitched, then he shouted, "WHAAAAAT!? But, we were just getting to the part where Alice meets up with the main cast! It was getting to the good part! You can't stop it now!"

"Well," Ryan said, "This attempt wasn't story-focused enough."

"What are you talking about? This story was great! I've read stories a lot worse than this!"

"So? The author wasn't satisfied with this. He wanted to make it the best that he could."

"But what more could he add?"

Ryan thought for a moment, then he said, "Well, he could add more back story, or add to the characters. Characterization can be really tricky. He could also change the POVs and put the exposition into it own chapters, or put it into a flashback format. Also, this scarf is too hot!" Ryan took off his red scarf, and put a red collar on in its place.

Keldeo stared at Ryan, "So. . .you'd rather wear a dog collar than a scarf?"

"Yeah! It symbolizes my loyalty to my family!" Ryan said proudly.

"Okay. . ."

"Anyway, the author wanted to put more of a plot in here. I mean, sure, the missing Pokedex, but that wasn't much. Also, maybe the story needed more conflict? Maybe it needed a villain? Maybe the author wasn't sure what to do about Rex's missing parents? Maybe the sotry was moving on too fast. I mean, think about it, Alice was going to follow the Aura Sphere's path to me and the gang. Once she got there, Rex would recognize her, we'd give her back her Pokedex, and _The End! _That's not much of a story."

Keldeo thought about this, and he nodded, "Yeah, I guess you're right, Ryan. I'm sure FictionaryMan's second attempt will be a lot better."

"So, what did you think of this first attempt?"

Keldeo smiled, "I liked it a lot. The story really showed the brotherhood between you and Jordan, and it also showed how you were a real part of the family. Rex was a really entertaining character, and the Pokemon all had unique characters that got me interested in them. And the idea of having Pokemon in the 'real' world was new and different. It was a risk, but I think it really did pay off. However, some details need closer attention, like your past, those operations that make Pokemon talk, things like that. I mean, where did your egg even come from?"

Ryan blinked, "Yeah. . .I never thought about that. . ."

"See. But, all in all, this story was very good, very nice, and very sweet. Also, the battle scenes and Pokedex entries made it seem like a complete world, and I also like how the characters are realistic Christians. They aren't perfect, but they still respect the Lord. Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed-"

"Wait," Ryan interrupted, "I have a question."

"Okay, what is it."

Ryan looked around, "Um, where exactly are we?"

Keldeo smiled and motioned to the surrounding area, "Well, I can't reveal the exact location, but I can say that this is one of the places the I and the other Swords of Justice were in the beginning of 'Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice.' Waterfall back there, large rock platform over there, a couple of rocks sticking up from the shallow stream here."

Keldeo then stepped off of the rock he stood on and into the shallow water. Keldeo smiled and sighed with contentment, "Ah. . .and this shallow, cool, refreshing water with the hard, rock bottom is perfect for cooling your hooves. . ."

Ryan shrugged, "I'll take your word for it."

Keldeo nodded slowly, and said calmly, "Well then, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon Fanfiction. . ."

As Keldeo walked off slowly, Ryan suddenly got a epiphany and splashed through the shallows after him.

"Hang on, I just remembered," Ryan shouted after Keldeo, "This is the place with the scene where you said _'Let me battle Kyurem!'_ and Coballion said _'No'_ and you asked_ 'Why not?_' and Terrakion said,_ 'I don't know'_. . ."

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

_Nostalgia Critic- The Review Must Go On_

_Kyurem vs the Sword of Jusitce_

_The Hunger Games Series_

_Portal_

_Portal 2_

_Valve_

_Star Wars_

_Lego Star Wars_

_Martha Speaks_

_Krypto the Superdog_

_Sonic the Hedgeohg_

_The Looney Tunes Show_

_Sesame Street_

_The Bible_

_Jeopardy_

_Spongebob Squarepants_

_Youtube_

_Riazy on Deviantart . com_

_"God Will Save Me" from Epistle . us _

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	28. Editorial 2- The Red Collar of Courage

_It was midnight in the Moor of Icirrus, and a Team Plasma grunt approached a roughed up looking man wearing a tattered Team Galactic uniform._

_"Do you have the data on Lucario R?" the Team Plasma grunt asked._

_The man nodded and held out a USB stick. "And you?" he asked._

_The grunt opened the suitcase her was holding, revealing the large amount of money inside._

_"Excellent," the man said. _

_Suddenly, they were interrupted by a huge Focus Blast that crashed down between them. . . ._

_As the sun rose over the Moor of Icirrus, Officer Jenny hauled the pair into a police van. Keldeo silently watched from the cover of the trees. He then smiled at the USB stick in his hoof._

* * *

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Editorial 2- The Red Scarf of Courage by FictionaryMan03895**

**(From Keldeo's Point of View Of Course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

Well, my Lucario Fever is just about gone, so I'll finish it off with a quick editorial on a deleted scene from FictionaryMan's story "Summer Part 1 Attempt 1." It took a little. . ._doing_ to get a hold of it, but it was worth it, nonetheless. The scene is called "The Red Scarf of Courage," and it gives us a little back story on Ryan's scarf.

It starts out with Izzy and Jenny, Rex's cousins, playing Mario Kart Wii.

(_Keldeo deadpanned)_

Enough with the products!

Anyway, Rex must be off. . .doing something in the rain, because the girls seem to be in Jordan's house for some reason.

* * *

_In Jordan's bedroom, Izzy and Jenny were both on one side of the room playing Mario Kart Wii while Ryan was on the other side of the room watching the rain fall. Jordan stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame. He watched as the two twins raced across the virtual finish line._  
_"Darn it!" Jenny shouted. "You beat me again! Next time, I'm definitely gonna whoop your tail."_  
_Izzy looked back at Ryan. "Not exactly something you wanna say in front of someone who actually has a tail." Izzy whispered firmly._

* * *

Eh, not really funny.

* * *

_Jordan silently chuckled. "Don't worry, girls, Ryan doesn't mind." The fifteen year old looked over to the young lucario who sighed in disappointment. Jordan sat down on the bed next to Ryan and scratched his furry, yellow neck. Ryan leaned his head back as he felt relaxed. But then he went back to disappointment. "Are you okay, little bro?" Jordan asked._  
_Ryan sighed. "Yeah, it's just that… I really wish I had my scarf back on."_  
_"Well, why don't you put your collar on?" Jordan suggested._  
_"Jordan, you know well enough what that scarf means to me."_  
_"What does it mean to you, Ryan?" Izzy asked. Ryan looked at the red-haired twins as they came over to the other side of the room._  
_"Well… a lot. It really means a lot to me. You probably wouldn't understand, though" the young lucario sighed._  
_"What we don't understand is why you would wear it in the summer. Isn't it a bit too much for your… fluffy neck?"_

* * *

Since when are Lucarios fluffy?

Well, anyway, Ryan reacts accordingly:

* * *

_Jenny chuckled. Ryan glared at Jenny and then growled angrily at her. Jenny gasped and flinched back. Jordan slapped the back of Ryan's head to get him under control._

* * *

_**Noah:**__ Initiate Slap Sub-Routine!_

_**Virtual**__**Kaiba**__: Sub-Routine initiated._

**_(Slap!)_**

**_Mokuba:_**_ OWWWW!_

* * *

_Once Ryan became aware of his actions, he felt ashamed._  
_"I'm sorry, Jenny. I didn't mean to growl at you."_  
_"Oh… it's okay, buddy" Jenny spoke sympathetically as she came up and carefully hugged Ryan on his left side._  
_"That scarf must be really valuable to you" Izzy sighed. "How come, though?"_  
_Ryan decided to come through with his new friends. "Because it reminds me of a day I'll never forget. Whether I like it or not." The young lucario sighed as he put his story into thought. "Have you two ever heard of …Team Galactic?"_

* * *

I - uh -

_(Keldeo grabs a Berry Juice and starts drinking sloppily. The juice dribbles out of his mouth as shakes in confusion.)_

WHAT?!

This is suposed to be the United States! The real world! How could Team Galactic exist in the real world? In that case, why not have it take place in the Pokemon world if you're gonna have Team Galactic in it.

Luckily, however, this is not a clone of Breaking the Chains. It turns out that Team Galactic didn't kidnap Ryan and experiment on him like Aaron.

* * *

_"Well… my parents were kidnapped by Galactic. You see, my human father is a member of Sector 01's Science Council, and one of the smartest. Cyrus wanted him to help with research on where to find the mythological pokemon, and…. …he held my mother hostage. Cyrus said he would let her go if my dad did as he says. My dad kept his end of the deal, but… …Cyrus changed it."_  
_Suddenly lightning flashed in the sky, followed by the violent sound of thunder._

* * *

AH!

* * *

_"Wow! That is ONE crazy coincidence" Jenny said as she looked at the window._

* * *

And a lame cliche. But it works because it was lamp-shaded, so props to you, FictionaryMan.

So, as you probably can guess, the evil Cyrus kidnapped the Konerson Family and threatened to kill Jordan if Professor Marco Konerson didn't help him enslave the Legendary Pokemon to take over the world.

_**M. Bison: **OF COURSE!_

* * *

_"When Jordan was kidnapped, I followed close behind, all the way to Galactic's HQ near Genesis City. I snuck through the air vents, and... …that's when I learned about the deals._

* * *

That's right! It's Ryan Freeman to the rescue! As we see in a flashback.

* * *

_"I told you a few moments ago that the deal has changed. If you want your boy to live, you will do as I say!"_  
_"But I did as you said!" Marco shouted in rage. "Now let him, me, and my wife go!"_  
_"Well, now, I'm giving you new orders!" Cyrus shouted. Then he returned to a stern tone. "You will help me find out how to control these pokemon, or your boy suffers… …MAJOR consequences."_  
_From the vents, Ryan was frightened by the sight of Jordan's life on the line. His heart was pounding, like Thor's hammer on concrete. The young lucario tried hard not to cry. He wiped his eyes dry, clinched his right paw into a fist, and said these four, strong words: "Over my dead body."_  
_Then with one paw, Ryan shot an Aura Sphere right at the air vent, thus causing it to break. Everyone was disoriented by the explosion, and that was when the young lucario dove in and attacked the soldiers. Jordan ran to the safety of Marco's arms, and Ryan blasted a fully-charged Aura Sphere at Cyrus. The young lucario panted in anger as the four in plastic armor groaned in agony. Then he turned to Jordan and Marco, and carefully embraced them._

* * *

Wait-wait-wait, go back a bit.

* * *

_Ryan blasted a fully-charged Aura Sphere at Cyrus._

* * *

FINALLY! Someone actually uses their brain! I am so tired of the heroes not actually using their Pokemon to attack the bad guys. Seriously, how come Ash never tells Pikachu to Thunderbolt anyone other than Jessie, James, and Meowth? Why doesn't he ever say, "Thunderbolt Cyrus!" or "Thunderbolt Colress!" or even "Thunderbolt those Team Plasma Grunts!" The only time he's ever done this is when he has Pikachu unintentionally Spirit Bomb Giorvanni during the whole Meloetta and the Undersea Temple crisis, _and it was awesome._

It's even worse in the games, where the grunts just either stand there or run away after you defeat them. _Knock them out too! They're evil! They deserve it! Show evil no mercy!_

_(Keldeo sighed)_

Well, Ryan kinda turns stupid again by instead of running away with the rest of them after freeing Mrs. Konerson, he decides to _go back_ _and make a deal with Cyrus!_

* * *

_Ryan nodded. "I hate complement him, but he was good at hand-to-hand combat. After we escaped the lab, we freed Mom from her cell. I figured that Cyrus wasn't going to give up, so I had a plan that was very risky. I… …I knew that o minor objective for Galactic was to capture the rarest pokemon they could possibly find. In exchange for Mom's, Dad's, and Jordan's freedom, I offered my servitude to Cyrus, on the condition that he would have to try to capture me just like any other pokemon. Although… he had no idea what he was in for… and neither did I."_

* * *

HOW IS THIS A GOOD IDEA?!

This guy is an evil sociopath! Not to mention powerful! Even if he does defeat him, why should Ryan believe that Cyrus would agree to leave the Konersons alone if Ryan defeats him. Wouldn't the opposite be true? Wouldn't Cyrus want revenge?

Why would he trust Cyrus?!

So we have our battle of Cyrus vs Ryan.

* * *

_Flashback:_

_Ryan fell to the floor of Cyrus's office. The office was a big room that had a desk in front of a big wall of windows. As Ryan struggled to stand up, he looked at the spike on his right forepaw; half of it was covered in blood. The young lucario looked up at Cyrus, who had his mask on. There was cut on his right hip, and it was streaming with blood, although it was hard to see it in the black armor. Ryan slowly stood up, grunting in pain in the process, and glared at the wounded director._  
_"I will admit…" Ryan panted, "You're a good fighter"_  
_Cyrus drew his laser pistol and blasted deadly, blue energy at Ryan. Luckily, though, he evaded the attack and continued evading more blasts._

* * *

What is going on? Didn't Ryan say the agreement was that Cyrus had to catch Ryan like any other Pokemon? Doesn't that mean a normal battle with Pokeballs? Why is Cyrus shooting at him? Why are they fighting hand to hand? Won't it end up killing one of them? Look, it even says "Deadly." Didn't Cyrus want to catch Ryan?

* * *

_"You dare to foil my plans?" Cyrus shouted across the room, as he blasted at Ryan again. "I am destined to have power of the gods!"_  
_"There's only one God!" Ryan shouted. "And you can't take His power!" The young lucario evaded another deadly blast from the wounded director._

* * *

Just a reminder that this is a Christian Fanfic.

* * *

_"Look at you. A worthless mutt trying to overthrow the director... of Team Galactic!" Cyrus shouted as he once again blasted at Ryan. "It's because of the Konersons, isn't it? You must that desperate to save your friends."_  
_"You're right, Cyrus" the young lucario panted. "You're right about one thing: I am desperate to protect the Konersons. But you're wrong about one thing! The reason I'm protecting the Konersons is because… I AM a Konerson._

* * *

_**Vegeta: **I AM A SUPER-_

_(Keldeo pushed the scene aside)_

That was stupid. Really bad joke.

* * *

_They're not my friends… they're... my… FAMILY!" Ryan evaded one more blast until the glass was behind him. Then Ryan charged up an Aura Sphere and sent it flying at Cyrus's right eye. The impact broke the visor, and Cyrus fell to the ground._  
_Then Ryan turned around and broke a glass window. The harsh, winter wind blew into the room, and it sent the long half of Ryan's red scarf waving like a flag. The young lucario looked back and saw the wounded director of Galactic, with his mask off, covering where his right eye was._  
_"Now you listen to me carefully." Ryan growled. "Don't EVER threaten my parents OR my brother again. As long as I live, I won't let you hurt my family! Do I make myself clear?"_  
_Cyrus grunted as he sat up, still covering his eye. "Let me be clear about one thing, myself. This isn't over, Ryan Konerson."_  
_Ryan glared back at Cyrus, and then leapt out the hole in the window._

* * *

Yeah, that was awesome, Ryan! AWESOME! And you gotta add the scarf blowing in the wind. EPIC!

But, Ryan kinda made a dangerous enemy. Aren't you afraid of Cyrus getting revenge? The Konerson family is kinda targeted now. He didn't destroy Team Galactic. They haven't been foiled. But then again, this is actually better that way. Now you have a main villain for this story, a driving force for the plot. All good stories need antagonists. That might be why FictionaryMan stopped "Summer Part 1", there was no conflict. Adding this in could really get the story going.

* * *

_"Um… can we get back to the subject on the scarf?" Jenny asked._

* * *

Oh yeah. Right. Thanks.

* * *

_Ryan sighed. "Well, I actually hated the scarf, and on the day Jordan was kidnapped, he was offering it to me one more time before we went searching for my parents, because before then, we didn't know about the abductions. Anyways, as usual I turned down the scarf, and… I got a little mad at Jordan. I told him that I hate the scarf and I'm never, ever, ever going to wear it. I… I-I felt awful for overreacting like that." The young lucario frowned as he looked up at his human brother._

* * *

Huh. Ryan kinda has a short temper.

* * *

_"It's okay, Ryan" Jordan said softly. "It wasn't the first time you were mad at me."_  
_"I know" Ryan replied. "And I did apologize. But, before you were kidnapped…" Ryan looks down in Izzy and Jenny's direction. "I felt like I needed to be alone. So, I went to the side of the house to sit down and think. When I thought to myself I thought, Ryan Konerson, you shouldn't have yelled at Jordan like that. You are his brother, and he needs you right now because our parents have disappeared, and he feels alone without you. Go. Apologize. And when I had my chance to, that's when Jordan was being kidnapped by Galactic. I couldn't run after them. They were way too fast. A-and I felt so guilty for it. If I hadn't yelled at him because I didn't want to wear the scarf, he wouldn't have been kidnapped. So, I decided to put on the scarf, to kinda face up for what I did, and then I followed Jordan's life energy signature, aka his aura, and I was lead to Galactic HQ in Genesis City. I've worn the scarf ever since that day. The only times I ever take it off is for when I take a shower, when I go swimming, or when I go to sleep."_  
_"And apparently when a careless Kirlia pushes you into a wet flowerbed" Jenny chuckled. Ryan smiled, almost in a position to laugh._

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAHHHHHHHH_

So that's why he's not wearing the scarf right now.

* * *

_"So, that day when you took down Cyrus and saved your family was… over six months ago, Ryan. How do you feel about that scarf, personally?" Izzy asked firmly._  
_Ryan looked down and sighed. "Honestly… I still hate it."_

* * *

_(Keldeo smiled stiffly)_

DARN!

It's just a scarf, what's so bad about it?

* * *

_For a moment, there was nothing but silence, only to be broken by Jordan. "I-if you still hate it, Ryan, then why have you been wearing it?"_  
_"Well, I don't use it to remind me of when I yelled at you. Not ever since I apologized. The only reason I personally wear it is to remind myself of that day when I fought to protect you. And I also wear it as a reminder that I have family, and that I need to protect it." Ryan looked up at Jordan, who was actually smiling, almost about to laugh._

* * *

__Well, you're taking Ryan's . . .bluntness well. . .

* * *

_ "What's so funny?"_  
_"The way you say it, Ryan, is like you've never protected me before. Little bro, you've protected this family… ever since you were born. Remember when we first encountered Team Galactic last summer on Dinosaur Mountain, after we had won our first gym battle? You, as a riolu, stood up to Agent Saturn and took down his Toxicroak with Force Palm, Quick Attack, and Blaze Kick. And if I remember correctly, there was one time when you were just one week old, and you…"_  
_"I know" snapped Ryan. "And your point is?"_  
_"That you did all those things without that scarf. And Ryan, if you don't want to wear that scarf, you never had to. I should've never asked for the 'billionth' time after you said 'no'."_  
_Ryan remained silent, and got up from the bed and walked over to Jordan's desk. The young lucario opened the top drawer and pulled out a large, red collar. Then he looked back at Jordan and said, "Does this mean I can put this back on?"_  
_"Of course, little bro" chuckled Jordan. "It's your decision, just like with the scarf."_  
_Ryan looked down at the collar and smiled. "Then I've made my decision. I want to put the collar back on." And with that, Jordan came over and knelt down to be at equal height with Ryan. Then Jordan took the collar and strapped it onto Ryan's neck. "Man, I've really missed wearing this thing" the young lucario said as he smiled down at his red collar._

* * *

So, now Ryan is back to wearing his collar. . . .

Well, that's the deleted scene.

I really liked the Team Galactic scenes. It made it epic! Ryan's hatred of scarfs is a little strange. I also find the way he likes his collar really nice. I love back-story! So I'm loving this. And Ryan beating up Cyrus was awesome!

_(Keldeo stopped and tapped his chin)_

Hey, I wonder how a conversation between Ryan and Aaron from "Breaking the Chains" would play out?

* * *

_"So I crawled through the vents and took out the guards with my Aura Spheres! Then I rescued my family, and then challenged Cyrus to a battle! He had a laser gun and blasted at me, I had some battle damage, but I dodged the attacks and then hit Cyrus in the face with an Aura Sphere! Then I broke a window and escaped all awesome like! So, what did you do in the Team Galactic lair?" Ryan said._

_Aaron thought for a moment and said, "Well, I was put in a cell. I sat there. I didn't make any attempt to escape whatsoever. I didn't use any moves. No Aura Sphere. No Force Palm. Not even Quick Attack. I just sat there and allowed Anderson to torture me. I didn't do a single attack. And when they decided to kill me, I just went alone with it. They didn't even strap me to the table. My arms were totally free. But I didn't attack at all. I even helped them kill me by ripping my own chest open."_

_Ryan stared at Aaron for a very long time. _

_Then he finally said, "God help you."_

* * *

Well, I'm Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction!

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

_Dragon Ball Z_

_Half-Life_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_

* * *

_Virgil walked towards the door of the Pokemon Rescue Squad Headquarters. He noticed the black suitcase on the ground in front of it. He bent down to the ground and opened it. _

_He gasped._

_"Wow. . ." Virgil said, then he smiled, "We can really upgrade our equipment with this! We'll be able to save so many Pokemon and people!"_


	29. Alpha and Omega

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Alpha and Omega by Archon of Darkness**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

A while back, I said I'd review Archon of Darkness' story "_Alpha and Omega,"_ a tale of what happens when Arceus has to pay for impersonating God.

. . .I'm going to enjoy this.

So, the story starts in the Infinite Void, where Arceus normally hangs out. However, this time she is not alone.

Wait, Arceus is a girl?

. . .Okay, I always thought of him as male but. . .fine.

* * *

_"**Enough**."_

_The Alpha creature jerked away from the view with a start. Someone else was here? How could they have gotten there without her knowing? Who could it be? What?…and for that matter, where?_

_The dark clouds surrounding the Domain pulsed with their normal thunder, a normally calming thing for Arceus, but they no longer seemed welcoming and kind. What could be causing this?_

_Slowly, she turned back toward the sphere, only to stop as the voice spoke again, its sound sending a chill through her._

_"**I will let this continue no longer**."_

_"Who are you to decree this to me?" the Alpha shouted, glaring again at her surroundings. There was still no sign of the source of the voice._

_"**I am…the Alpha and the Omega…the Beginning…and the End**."_

* * *

_Title Drop!_

* * *

_With a valiant effort, Arceus held back her anger. So this being was an usurper, hardly the first, though. For now, it would be humored._

* * *

Yeah. . .right. . .keep telling yourself that Arceus.

So, God basically says what you'd expect He'd say. Arceus is one of His strongest creations, but way too arrogant to think that she's the creator. But don't forget, Jesus is in the Godhead too:

* * *

_"**I knew that you would think it before you even knew, my child**. The voice seemed kinder now, almost forgiving…_

_Instantly, the rage returned. Forgiving?…FORGIVING? She wasn't the one who needed it! She didn't care if this so-called "Alpha and Omega" heard her thoughts._

* * *

And this is the part where Arceus proves she is a complete idiot by trying to _tell off God._

* * *

_"You listen here!" she shouted, her voice sounding miniscule after hearing the Voice's booming sound. "I will not have some crackpot of a pokemon trying to take my rightful title!" With that she stomped her front, left foot down._

* * *

. . . .

There aren't enough Boggarts to express the amount of paralyzing fear I'm feeling for Arceus right now. I mean, God gave a King Uzziah leprosy for his pride!

Well, let's see what Arceus' punishment is.

* * *

_Before the words had even finished leaving her mouth, Arceus knew that she had just kicked the Tauros in the ass…and here came the horns._

* * *

Understatement. . .

* * *

_The Void had become silent, the clouds unmoving. The sudden lack of sound pressed against Arceus' ears like a wet blanket. Her fur stood on end as her limbs shook and her eyes were opened wide. She refused to move a muscle for fear that the storm would break even harder._

_"**Your…title**…" the voice whispered. Arceus' eyes widened further._

* * *

WAIT! WAIT! If we're going through with this I want some sort of protection!

_(Keldeo then put on a yellow construction helmet, held a Bible close to him, and curled into a ball)_

Okay. . .proceed. . .

* * *

_"**YOUR…TITLE**!"_

_The very foundations of the Domain seemed to rumble. Its dark clouds convulsed and flashed in a sudden maelstrom of fury._

_"**WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I LAID THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH IN THE TIME BEFORE TIME ITSELF EXISTED**?"_

_Arceus could not answer. She merely crumpled, pulling her legs in toward herself as her ears rang and the maelstrom continued to rage. Her mind retreated behind its psychic barrier, only to have it brushed aside as though it was nothing. Images flashed through her mind, images beyond anything she could comprehend._

_Equations and names filtered through. Quantum theory. Anti-life equation. The Pattern theory of an electron. Probable mass of a singularity._

_The pokemon gave a pathetic whine and closed even more within herself, desperately trying to block this out._

_"**WERE YOU THERE AS I SHAPED THE OCEANS OF SPACE AND TIME INTO PLANETS, STARS, AND GALAXIES**?"_

_They became pictures now. Oceans falling from the sky, becoming a sphere as the void above exploded with the violent birth of stars. Chaos weaved through the newborn Earth as mountains tore through the surface of the waters. The blackened sky became whitewashed with the birth of Sol, shining its virgin light upon the world._

_The white body seemed to fold into a formless ball with a whimper._

* * *

_(Keldeo uncurled himself and let out a deep breath he had been holding in)_

Whew! That wasn't too bad! But then again, it was aimed at Arceus, not me.

Anyway- _oh my gosh, she's standing on His ginormous hand!_

* * *

_"**Peace, child**." Unwittingly, she paused. He didn't sound angry, He sounded…sad…not regretful at what He had said earlier, but sad all the same._

_"**Look**," he said gravely. "**Upon whose hand do you rest**?"_

_It was a field of course, she already knew that…or was that what He meant?_

_She slowly looked up, only to be greeted with a shock. There WERE fingers! She was standing on the Being's hand!_

_Still her legs knocked together. She thought she knew before, but she had to be sure._

_"A-a-are you…" she gulped. "Are y-you really…?"_

_"**I am. I Am who I Am., I who would lay down my life for my sheep, I who sent my Son to die for them, I who laid down the law for them. And you, my child**…" He seemed to grow almost…mournful. "**You wonder why. I shall tell you**."_

_Arceus' fear was undiminished, but she stood her ground. There was nowhere she could run, anyway, no place to hide from God._

_"**Treachery…Greed…Murder…Lust…Hatred**…" the former Alpha winced at the sound of each word. She knew where He was going with this. "**All of these you have felt, done, or considered doing**."_

_"B-b-but," she stuttered._

_"**Erased as they are by the actions of Ash, they were done nonetheless**."_

_"But they were just-!"_

_"**Can a white lie still hurt**?" the Being became stern, while sadness still pervaded in its voice. "**A sin is a sin, no matter the way it is done or said**." The hand began to close._

_"B-but, the people on Earth…" she started desperately. A single tear drifted down her cheek._

_"**Shall answer for their own actions, not for yours**." As the cloud filled Void began to be replaced by darkness, a second tear joined the first._

* * *

You know, I always wanted someone to tell Arceus of fro trying to _KILL OFF ALL OF HUMANITY!_

Well, you all probably know what's coming next. Since Jesus Christ is Lord. . .

* * *

_"Please," she whispered. "Forgive me."_

_"It was done even before you asked," a soft voice said. Surprised, Arceus lifted her tear-streaked face._

* * *

After forgiving Arceus, God decides to do what He did with Moses: reveal Himself.

* * *

_This was the same grassland…but it wasn't the Void. A bright sun showed overhead in a blue, cloudless sky, no trace of a gigantic hand existed. Nor was the voice anywhere to be found. Which was odd, it sounded close this time._

_"Look behind you," He said with a trace of amusement. Slowly, Arceus turned her head._

_She was greeted with a magnificent, four legged figure. It shined brightly…too brightly. She turned away again._

_"What is wrong?" the voice asked, concern evident underneath it. Despite all the power it still carried, it was gentle and kind._

_"I…I can't look. It's too bright," she answered, feeling ashamed. Her shoulders sank from her emotion._

* * *

Of course, being too Holy and Perfect, God has to cloak Himself slightly. But instead of a Burning Bush, we get. .

* * *

_Before her stood a white, magnificent figure surrounded by a halo of light. Strange pylon-like objects floated around him, but they looked nothing like her own. They were a bright, unyielding silver, and seemed to pulse with light. Their shape was almost like that of a shark's teeth._

_"You're an…Arceus?" she said confusedly._

_His stern eyes softened slightly. "I am who you see me to be," He explained. "You saw your form as God, but your own was imperfect. So you see me as close to such as your mind can handle, which is," He continued, "far more than what many others can."_

* * *

So we've taken care of power and forgiveness. All that remains is omniscience and love!

* * *

_"Why did you choose to forgive me?" she asked timidly. She looked away, unable to look at His noble, kind, and yet hard and just face._

_The grass underneath their feet rustled as he took a step forward toward her._

_"Because I care for you," He said softly, His face close to hers. Arceus closed her eyes. She wanted to turn away as negative emotions returned again to the surface…but He did indeed seem to care, but how was that? He didn't even know her._

_"I knew you since before you were born," the Being whispered. "I watched as you grew, as you felt ever more responsible about the world." Arceus snorted softly, everyone knew that part pretty much._

_"My heart ached with yours as you watched the only one you have ever loved as family die." Her eyes opened with a start. He idid/i know! She had never told anyone that!_

_"My soul burned with fury as yours when you experienced the worst of betrayal at the hands of Man." She looked away again; not out of shame, but with a painful memory. Erased though it was from time, she still remembered._

_"And my heart rejoiced with you when Man healed that wound." Arceus looked up into His hard, kind eyes. He had just named the three events that had affected her most. The betrayal had healed somewhat, but nothing could make her forget her brother's death._

_The Being stepped closer to Arceus (He was significantly taller than her) and brought down his head to her's, resting his chin on her forehead. She gave a contented sigh and closed her eyes. She had never felt this before. She felt safe, something she never thought she needed to feel before._

_She also felt loved and loving; not the love of a wife and husband, but more like that of a daughter and Father._

* * *

So, hooray! I guess. . .

Well, God chastises Arceus by I guess, banishing her to Earth for a time, with the mission of spreading the Gospel.

* * *

_"But…if I'm going down to Earth, aren't you coming with me?" He shook his head. "Why?" she asked. "I know who you are, but so many people down there don't. If you showed them what you showed me, they'd all believe in you!"_

_But He merely gave another shake. "They have my Word, the miracles I have made the Earth with, and the miracles they see every day. If they do not listen to these, then even seeing me in the form even above that which you have seen would do nothing to sway them."_

_Arceus nodded solemnly. "So then, I can tell them too?" she asked._

_He smiled. "Of course," he said. "As all my people do. For it is said that if no one spoke of it that the rocks themselves would cry out. And you have time to do so…"_

* * *

So, Arceus descends to Earth and then has to decide where to go.

* * *

_But now Arceus faced a dilemma…where would she start?_

_That question had already been answered, and was the reason why she came here. On the path below was a very familiar figure, wearing a red cap, blue jeans, and a blue jacket. Accompanied by a small, yellow mouse and two other companions, he walked along the path to the next city._

_Arceus descended._

_Looks of awe were evident on everyone's faces as she grew near the ground. She shrank as she did so, soon becoming the size of a Rapidash._

_"A-Arceus?" Ash asked in his usual, slightly raspy voice. "What are you doing here?_

_"Greetings, Ash," she said, touching down on the ground. "I have come to ask you a favor, all of you."_

_"Well of course," Dawn said. "Anything for the Crea-"_

_"Don't finish that!" Arceus interrupted sharply. Dawn winced, but didn't finish. She'd been rather forceful with that._

_Now Brock spoke up. "Why not? Isn't that your ti-"_

_"No," she interrupted again, not wanting to hear that. "But I can tell you why. First though, would you mind if I traveled with you?"_

_"You…want to come…with…us?" asked Ash incredulously. "Why?"_

_Arceus shrugged. "I'm here for ten years anyway." Ash and Dawn blinked n surprise. "I might as well spend them with people that I know."_

_"I want to explore this world," she continued. "And I need a place to start."_

_Ash stared for a second, then shook his head confusedly before smiling. He put out his hand on Arceus' head. "We'd be glad to have you," he said. The others and Pikachu nodded their agreement._

* * *

Oh my gosh, Ash has just caught Arceus! Oh my gosh, he's gonna be invincible now! You're dead meat now, Tobias! Darkrai? Latios? _Pfft!_ They're so toast!

* * *

_They had walked for a little while, talking. Mostly about how other people would react when they saw Arceus. It was eventually decided that she would make herself invisible whenever someone came by._

* * *

Aaaaaaaaand he can't even battle with it. Just great.

* * *

_No Ash had another question as well._

_"Arceus," he said. The pokemon turned to face him. "Why don't you wanna be called the Creator anymore?"_

_She gave a soft smile. "It began when I met a certain someone in the Void…"_

* * *

The End! . . . .and the Beginning! Heh-heh. . .get it?

Well, I liked this story a lot. This is some hard core Christianity! It asserts that God is God, and is the only all powerful one, and yet doesn't forget about the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. It makes Arceus accountable for her flaws and shows that anyone with as many flaws as Arceus couldn't possibly be the creator. It's also sympathetic of Arceus and what she went through and how she feels. If this story just had God dropping Arceus into Hell, I would despise this story for portraying God incorrectly and scaring people away from Christianity. Through Jesus, God is merciful, forgiving, and gives us grace, and that is all VERY well portrayed in this story.

And I guess making Arceus invisible solves the whole "Villainous Teams trying to capture him" problem. Also, the though of Arceus and Ash and friends spreading the Gospel just seems so wonderful to me.

So, all in all, this story was flawless! And that imagery the author writes as God completely humbles Arceus is just magnificent. I do believe that this is one of the top 5 best stories in The Christian/Pokemon Communtiy.

Archon of Darkness, I salute you.

_(Keldeo suddenly freezes solid)_

Wait, why would a Christian call himself Archon, or "Ruler", _of Darkness?_

. . . .

_(Keldeo smiles and shrugs)_

Ah, never mind.

Well, I'm Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction!

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

_Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban_

_Arceus and the Jewel of Life_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	30. Flavors of Devotion

_"Keldeo! Keldeo, where are you?" Terrakion called out as he walked through the forest._

_"Where is he?" he thought aloud, "We were supposed to do some Training in the valley right now._

_Terrakion walked towards the waterfall and shallow rocky stream. His eyes instantly darted to Keldeo's unconscious figure._

_"KELDEO!" Terrakion shouted in shock. Her splashed through the water to the young Colt Pokemon's side. When he got there, his eyes caught the waterproofed IPad resting on a nearby rock. On was a web page with a tab on the top that read "Flavors of Devotion Chapter 1, a pokemo..."._

_Terrakion heard a moan, and turned to see Keldeo slowly lifting up his head._

_"Keldeo," Terrakion said, "Can you hear me?"_

_Keldeo nodded, "Yes, Master. I lost consciousness when I thought I had to review another ScourgeofHell fanfic."_

_Terrakion shook his head, "It seems, in your anger, you've forgotten that there _is_ another ScourgeofHell fanfic." _

_Keldeo's eyes widened in terror, "That. . .that can't be! I already reviewed two of them!"_

_Keldeo got up, grunting in pain, grinding his hooves against the rock floor. His eyes blazed and he ganshed his teeth as he held up his head, threw it back to look up at the sky, and roared:_

_**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

_"Yes," Terrakion said flatly._

* * *

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Flavors of Devotion by ScourgeofHell**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

That's right, I have to review _another _ScourgeofHell fanfic, and in fact, this one may actually be _worse_ than the other two I've reviewed!

First of all, it's not just one fanfic. It's a _collection of 10 fanfics! _Ten of them! And I have to review them all! So, get ready for more of Iris with Body Dysmorphic Disorder! Because this is "_**Flavors of Devotion" by ScourgeofHell.**_

So we begin with- WOW! It took me 1 second to find a problem with this fanfic! What is this problem? _The entire introduction chapter!_

* * *

_So. It has recently come to my attention that this website doesn't have even a single Negaishipping drabble collection. This is, of course, a completely unacceptable state of affairs. To remedy this situation, I'll be unloading all of my unconnected drabbles, that were too weak to be transformed into real stories, into this one big fic. Also, I really don't have the type of determination required to write anything more than the odd, fluffy drabble._

_This collection is essentially for anyone who wants a quick fix of negaishipping, without having to sift through plot and coherent narrative and all that nonsense (I'm looking at you Pokemaster366/ Moonlight Absol)._

_Also, the individual drabbles have individual ratings, between K-T. Others may be suggestive, and warrant a higher rating, but I'm really not gonna bump the rating up for maybe one, or two ficlets._

_Lastly, the status of this fic shall forever be "Complete", mainly because I vowed never to publish an incomplete fic, but also because I have no clue whether I'll be updating at all. Indeed, the first three drabbles may be the only ones I ever write, in which case I'll make an ass of myself :/_

_Anywho, you can click the "Next " button now, if you already haven't done so._

* * *

So. . .according to this introduction. . .all the stories in this fanfic will be unrelated weak drabbles that have _no plot_ and _no coherent naratives!_

_. . ._I should check Pokemaster366 and Moonlight Absol's fanfics.

So, now we know these stories are going to be of poor quality, lets start reading them!

The first one is "Becoming Family," where Ash takes Iris to meet his mom.

Iris is _terrified!_

* * *

_Suffice to say, that when Ash woke up the next morning, to find Iris hysterically washing her face in a stream, and simultaneously trying to mat down her hair, he could only stare in wonder. They were within a few miles of pallet town now, and despite being as dense as he was, Ash could see what was happening. Creeping up beside her, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her close, and whispered into her ear: "She'll love you"  
Despite herself, Iris could only croak out a "Really?" in response._

* * *

But lo and behold, when they finally get to Ash's house. . .

* * *

_And before she knew it, they were in front of Ash's home. He kept an arm draped around her waist, when he ringed the bell as much to comfort her, as to prevent her from running away, something she seemed on the verge of doing._

_And after Iris waited the longest ten seconds of her life, expecting a towering, schoolmistress of a woman, a dainty, middle-aged woman opened the door. She had Ash's brown eyes, as well as his cheekbones._

_"Ash, she's beautiful", the woman proclaimed, and pulled Iris into the warmest, friendliest hug she'd ever shared._

_And with that, Iris's weeks of apprehension immediately vanished, replaced by a feeling of belonging she'd never experienced before._

* * *

. . . . . . .

That. . .was sweet. . .

WHAT THE HECK?!

This is ScourgeofHell not PrinceofCarealot! This person gave Iris B.D.D. and made her extremely clingy and jealous!

. . .well, I'm not getting my hopes up. This one was probably a fluke! The next one is "Just Another Night," where Ash does all he can to make Iris. . . feel better. . . after having a bad dream. . .

_(Keldeo scratched his head)_

Okay, two flukes. The next one is "Reading in Between the Lines" where Ash learns about Iris secret code but jumps to conclusions one time. . .

* * *

_However, Ash soon learned that most of Iris's between-the-line messages usually followed a similar pattern. When iris said "it's hot in here", what she really meant was, "Let's take off our clothes and cuddle". When she complained that it was "too cold", what she really meant was "Go get a blanket, I wanna cuddle". If she said something along the lines of "I'm bored", she actually meant "Why aren't you over here, cuddling with me?" If she ever mentioned that he needed a bath, what she meant to say was "You're too stinky, and I feel like cuddling"._

_It was awkward, therefore when one day Iris called out from the kitchen for Ash to get vegetables from the market. He instinctively ran in, scooped her off her feet, and attempted to carry her into the bedroom. Needless to say, he was nursing a sore cheek for weeks after, and had earned the title of pervert, from Iris._

* * *

Oh my goodness that was cute _and funny! _These stories have all been_ good _so far!

Okay, what about the next one, "Bad Hair Day." Where Ash accidentally reminds Iris of a name bullies called her.

* * *

_Iris wasn't really very sensitive when it came to insults. As a girl who had grown up as the runt of the dragon village litter, she knew how to let insults slide off. But while insults pointed at her clothes, or her dark complexion never quite bothered her, the popular chant of "Iris the balloonhead", and the frequency with which it was uttered, had left quite a mark on her._

_And then Ash had to go and say something she'd hadn't heard in years. He just had to go and comment how her balloon shaped hair made it easy to find her in a crowd. Balloon._

_Emotions welled up inside her; ones which had not appeared in years now. And through her blurry eyes, she didn't her loving boyfriend before her, rather the face of the dozens of children, pointing and laughing as she tried to cover her hair with her hands. And so she ran. She ran, like she had run back then, she ran until she found a large enough tree, and she climbed to the tallest branch._

_It took Ash all of ten minutes to find her whereabouts. He knew her, inside out, and he knew her tendency to climb trees when she was scared, or when she wanted to have fun, which was all the time. And because she was as demanding as she was, he had learned to climb trees nearly as well._

_When he found her, she was sitting perfectly still, her eyes still puffy and red._

_"Should I change it? My hair I mean. If you don't like it."_

_"What makes you think I don't like it?" He buried his face into her hair, inhaling its sweet, grassy scent._

_"But you just…" He interrupted her, with his index finger on her lips._

_"I'm sorry. I really am" It wasn't his fault of course, but he was Ash Ketchum, and he owed up to everything. He hugged her tighter, and yet again, all was well._

_"You wouldn't throw stuff at me, would you Ash?"_

* * *

Is ScourgeofHell really writing these?! Okay, what's next? "An Icy Nightmare.". . .

* * *

_"I thought you loved me", Iris fake-sobbed hysterically into Ash's shoulder, clutching his forearms_

_"I do love you", Ash replied, his tone both exasperated and annoyed, as he patted her back gently._

_"If you loved me, you wouldn't make me do this", Iris replied in a clearly rehearsed manner._

_"Iris, stop that" Ash said, as he pulled her away from his shoulder. Iris' bawling immediately stopped, replaced by a scornful, irritated expression._

_"What kind of dragon master will you be, if you stay afraid of ice-types, your entire life?"_

_"A good one?" Iris replied quizzically_

_Ash sighed, his head starting to ache once more. This girl was going to be the death of him. Pulling out the single pokeball on his belt, Ash released an old friend of his: Glalie, who immediately cried its name as a greeting._

_"Glalie, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Iris". Glalie happily called out its name in greeting, and approached Iris a bit, causing the girl to jump out and bury herself into Ash's shoulder, yet again. This served to both confuse, and slightly offend Glalie, as the little floating Pokemon puffed its breath in annoyance, irritation aplenty on his face. Quickly though, an idea came into his head. This was going to be fun._

_Ash motioned with one hand, for Glalie to stay put, and rubbed Iris's back, yet again. When she finally summoned the courage to look back, Glalie had put on his scariest "mean look" face. This time Iris didn't bother with snuggling; she ran as fast as she could, anywhere Glalie wouldn't be. But the instant she had turned around, Glalie took a deep breath, and let out an icebeam attack, freezing Iris's mane of hair solid. The poor girl fell to the floor, practically hysterical, as Ash tried, this time in vain, to comfort her again. Glalie, ofcourse, guffawed ceaselessly in mid air._

_In retrospect, using his icebeam happy Glalie was probably a terrible idea. If before Iris had been afraid of Ice-types, she would refuse to even look at them now. It didn't matter though; they all had their own quirks. Even if she stayed afraid of ice-types her entire life, he'd still love her._

* * *

_A__nother funny one! Is this opposite day?!  
_

_(Keldeo sighed and threw up his hooves in resignation)  
_

You know what, maybe I was wrong to judge ScourgeofHell's fanfics from the measly two I've read. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has their bad days. Everyone occasionally writes a character out of character. That's not great crime. I guess I've learned a valuable lesson today. And that's always give a write another chance, even when you don't like one or even two of their stories. Throw away your bias, and don't come jump to conclusions.

Okay, so the next one is called "When she's drun-" _OH YOU DID IT! YOU REALLY DID IT! YOU BLEW THE ENTIRE THING! YOU JUST COULDN'T KEEP ALL OF THEM NICE! You tricked me with those good ones just to have this one catch me by surprise! _

_Not! Nice!_

Okay, so, this takes place in the future where Iris and Ash are champions in separate regions. They had broken up for five years for some reason, ScourgeofHell plans on writing a fanfic explaining why. Anyway, Ash decides to take Iris-

_(Keldeo moans)_

To a bar.

* * *

_Ash had convinced Iris to take a few sips of a liquor bottle. What he hadn't foreseen was Iris's extreme sensitivity to alcohol. Within a few glasses of the substance, Iris was embarrassingly drunk, mumbling things that would have soiled her reputation as champion. She couldn't really walk, and had turned a deep hue of red all over._

_Seeing the potential for disaster, Ash had picked her up bridal style, and carried her outside the bar, garnering more than a few disbelieving looks._

_It was strange carrying Iris, in his arms, all the way back home, especially when she was so stupendously drunk. Thankfully, there was no one else on the road, so Iris was saved further humiliation._

_Suddenly, Iris reached up with a free hand and began ruffling Ash's hair._

_"I always liked your hair. All spiky, and silly" she slurred in a cute drunken drawl._

_"That's nice Iris", he replied, smiling at her nonchalantly._

_"You know Ash. When you left me, I missed you this much", she attempted to open her arms wide._

_He didn't like the direction this conversation was heading, so he quickened his step. The five-year gap in their relationship, which Ash liked to think of as an intermission, was something he had never liked to discuss. They had both completely gotten over it of course. Well, not completely it seemed._

_"I missed you so much I *hic, I tried to make my hair look like yours. I know it was stupid, but I thought you might see me on TV and *hic, come back to me"_

_What was she saying? Where was this coming from?_

_"I couldn't find a cap that fit on my head" She giggled manically at her own joke. "So I had to use this tiara."_

_"But Iris I…." he attempted to start, but Iris immediately cut him off with her drunken, high-pitched voice._

_"I know why you left. I really do" She stumbled incessantly over her words_

_"I already told you. I left because I didn't think I was good enough for you"_

_Iris blew a sudden raspberry at this, leaving him stunned at her boldness._

_"You left because I wasn't good enough" she droned on. "I was a terrible girlfriend. I know I was. But you still came back to me"_

_"WHAT!. Iris, no. That's not it at all!"_

_"YES IT IS!" she yelled immediately, moving her arms up and down in an uncoordinated motion, rocking Ash's entire body._

_"I'm still a horrible girlfriend. I never tell you how much you mean to me. I cant even remember the last time I told you that I loved you. Or how much I love you. Or how horrible my life would be without you, how every day I dream that you're going to leave me again. I really try to be better, but I just can't."_

* * *

Actually. . .this wasn't that bad either. And have to agree, breaking up with a girl will hurt them A LOT! Shame on you, Ash!

* * *

_Ash stood in stunned silence. Ever since Iris had accepted him back into her life, he hadn't given much of a thought to the lapse in their relationship. For the first time, the magnitude of what he'd made her go through, came crashing down on top of him. Ofcourse Iris had kept this hidden from him. It was part of her independent, stoic nature to hide any pain she felt. She didn't want to place her burden upon anyone else's shoulders. In a way, Ash felt more than a little betrayed that she hadn't shared this with him_

_She was slowly crying now. Soft sobs mixed with her odd hiccups, concocting a cacophony of noises. He pulled her close, so that her head was pressing against his chest, cradling her as best he could in his precarious position._

_She looked at him despondently as Ash tucked her in, and gripped onto his arm as he attempted to walk out. Iris's message was clear, of course. He slipped in next to her, placed an arm around her shoulder, and propped himself up against the bed's frame, watching the light of his life go to sleep. She kept a tight grip on his arm, and he knew he'd have to sleep in his current, very uncomfortable, position. It didn't matter though. Now that he knew all that she'd gone through because of him, it was only the first item on a list of amends he needed to make_

* * *

Yeah, you better sleep in that uncomfortable position! Don't leave Iris again!

Wait a minute. . .this one was good too! Sure, Iris was but drunk, but they didn't do anything bad! This story ended on a hopeful note for the two of them!

Wait, how about the next one "Jealousy."

* * *

_If there was one thing Iris felt was wrong with Ash, it was that he was a tad bit too perfect. It was annoying really, acknowledging that the one problem with her boyfriend was his lack of problems, and it did little to ease her feeling of inadequacy. He was trusting, he doted on her, and he never eyed her with suspicion or distrust. That, in itself, wasn't the problem. The problem was the complete and utter lack of a jealous bone in his body._

* * *

Wait, you _want_ Ash to be the jealous type!?

* * *

_It wasn't that Iris wanted a jealous psycho-stalker as her boyfriend. But Arceus knew, that when he spent all that time in Kanto, serving as the reigning champion, she would be worried sick, imagining all the Kantoiite sunbathers that might be wrapped around his body, shoving their over-developed womanly parts in his face. Or maybe he'd lied to her about being in Kanto, and was actually in Sinnoh with that ditzy, blue-headed coordinator friend of his. Just the mere thought of her made Iris want to tear open a pillow or something in the general direction of mindless head-shredding. Maybe if he was just a teensy bit suspicious of her actions, or a bit more possessive, it might make her feel…what? Cherished maybe? A little less unworthy. It was, however, pretty obvious why Ash never suspected her of anything out of line._

_He trusted her._

* * *

Oh, so _you _don't trust Ash, so you want him to be jealous for you so you can have him wrapped around your little finger! Man, isn't that kinda. . .I don't know. . .

* * *

_That all changed, one fateful day, when the Kanto league announced a surprise holiday for all it's employees. Since Ash didn't have to travel to Kanto, he decided to surprise Iris, by paying her a surprise visit, at the Unova league's office. Carrying a picnic basket, laden with food, he strolled down the strangely empty, castle-like halls of the building, and entered the Champion's room, designed more like a throne room, something he was sure Iris wouldn't have liked much. Expecting to see Iris looking bored, and radiant as always, he saw Iris, deep in conversation with a black-haired man, who had a Liepard at his heel._

_Immediately, Ash drew two conclusions. First of all, he did not like anything about this strange, over-formally dressed person. He didn't like the way he spoke (to Iris), the way he dressed (In front of Iris), the way he leaned (on Iris's desk), or indeed, the way he exuded confidence (in Iris's proximate airspace)._

_Secondly, Ash decided, Cilan had been right all along about Purrloins, and their evolutions. They were nothing but trouble. He didn't know why, but nothing that sleek and innocuous looking, could be anything but trouble._

_For Iris, the series of events that followed were too blurry to keep track of. One moment, she was discussing the schedule for upcoming challengers with Grimsley, the next, there was Ash, with his arm wrapped snugly around her shoulder, holding her in a way he's never held her before, staring down a confused elite four member, with a deathly stare._

_The rest of the day, Ash assumed a personality she had never seen in him. He was attentive to her every word, even more so than usual. He constantly kept his arm around her, fiercely possessive, and continuously asked questions about Grimsley. He even went as far as to hand feed her food off the picnic._

_Oh Arceus, how she loved it._

* * *

That's right! Ash gets jealous when he see Grimsley and Iris around. . ._is that even an_ _actually shipping, come on._ . . and turns in the jealous boy friend Iris always wanted!

_(Keldeo stuck his tongue out)_

GAG!

But wait! It gets worse! Iris decides to use this to her advantage so that Ash will continue to be as clingy and jealous as she is!

* * *

_Sometimes, when she knew Ash was about to visit her at the league, she would deliberately call Grimsley up to her office. Grimsley was naturally talkative, and charming, so all she really needed was an excuse, and he'd quickly fall into an easy-going conversation, one that would petrify Ash as he showed up at her office. Then, Ash would quickly cross the room, and put his arm around her waist, or her shoulders, and stared down a bewildered Grimsley._

_Despite the glares she got from Shauntal everyday, it was a fruitful system_

* * *

So is robbing a bank!

You know what I don't like about ScourgeofHell? He writes Iris as the worst girlfriend in the universe! She's awful! She's manipulative! She's not cannon!

Luckily, Pikachu is the one who saves the day via a nonverbal "What The Hell, Hero!"

* * *

_Strangely enough, Pikachu knew what was going on. He was volumes more perceptive than Ash, and he definitely did not enjoy what Iris was doing. After a while, the Pokemon who would once electrocute anyone but his trainer and his trainer's girlfriend, refused to even let her touch him. That was what hurt the most, Iris decided._

_So finally, when Iris summoned the courage to confess her toying with his emotions, and marched up into his room, and revealed all she'd been doing, he replied, with a massive grin,_

_"I know, but that doesn't mean I still can't treat you like a princess"_

* * *

Gosh, Ash _is _too perfect! Well, I guess forgiving her is the right thing to do. I mean, the story does have her feeling guilty, _a lot._ And Iris appears to be so dependent on Ash, I guess you can't blame her for who she is. . .

You blame the author instead!

Yeah, the story is good, but the characters are not acting like themselves. Why can't you keep them more like they are in. . .well. . ."Becoming Family Part 2!"

Yep, he wrote a sequel to the first one, where Iris, who I guess was an orphan all her life, gets some motherly love from Ash's mother, which includes shopping, going to the hair salon, and getting some new clothes.

* * *

_But of course, Delia wasn't content with remaking Iris's clothes alone. If the purple-haired, wide-eyed little girl was to be her Ashy's girlfriend (And Delia found herself truly hoping she would be), then she would also be the prettiest girlfriend in the world._

_Delia next took Iris to a hair salon, where the hairdresser practically fainted at the sheer size of the problem he would be dealing with. Eventually, after much combing and blowdrying and conditioning and absolutely no cutting (Iris's glare giving the poor man enough of an incentive to not so much as look at a pair of scissors), Iris found herself ogling at the mirror. Her hair was sleeker, cascading down her back in a river of glossy purple, instead of staying in a massive puffy bunch. Since Axew had long since evolved, and could no longer fit in her hair, Iris found herself more than content with the new hairstyle._

_The day was exhausting and had drained her to the bone, but the jaw-droppy stares Iris got from Ash, for the next month or so, were more than enough of a reward. Maybe it went a bit far, when she found him looking directly at her chest, wondering what was amiss, or when she woke up to find him religiously sniffing a strand of her hair, holding it like a piece of the Arceus's crown._

* * *

Uhh, that's kinda creepy and weird. . .

* * *

_Nonetheless, Iris loved the feeling of being special she got, when Ash was around her. But equally so, she loved the feeling of finally having a mother look after her._

* * *

Another good one! Which gets ruined by the next one. "A Slip of the Tongue" is just, strange. I fail to completely understand what happened here. Okay, so Ash and Iris are married now, and they're having a fight.

_**Ralph Kramden:** You're going to the moon!_

No! Not like that! I mean, like, Iris is literally throwing stuff at Ash. Why?

* * *

_Stopping for a moment, Ash decided to record something in his mental notebook, the one that never seemed to do him any good._

_If ever he attended a wedding, he would grab the groom by the shoulders, drag him to a corner, and let him know with the utmost seriousness_

_If your ever wife walks up to you, looking a bit stressed, and gingerly tells you that she's pregnant, the absolute LAST thing you did, was ask her who the father is. And then after that, even if only to cover up your thoughtlessness, under no condition should you burst out laughing._

* * *

Okay, let me try to reconstruct the scene, here. Iris told Ash that she was pregnant. Ash said "Duh! Who's the father? Duh!" Then realized how stupid that was, and laughed to try and cover it up. Then Iris responded thusly:

* * *

_"All these past years, have been a joke to you haven't they? All this time, I've been in love with a scumbag, whose been sleeping around behind my back"_

_Ash popped up from behind the couch_

_"Iris, angel, don't you think that's…."_

_"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT!" This time, an entire frying pan flew in his direction, narrowly missing his ear, as he dived behind the dining table, having successfully gotten a bit closer to his steaming wife._

_"It was Dawn, wasn't it?" Her normally authoritative voice, which moved with champion-like command, was uncharacteristically weak, the first signs of tears, beginning to appear on her face_

* * *

I don't get it! Why is she accusing him of cheating on her? And what's with all the Dawn hate?!

How does Ash asking who the father is lead to Iris suspecting Ash of cheating? How do we-?

* * *

_"That time you went too early, to drop her at the airport, you were really just spending time in a cheap hotel room, weren't you? That's why you think that I'd…That I…"_

* * *

_(A look of understanding passes over Keldeo's face)_

OOOOOH! I see! When Ash had his slip of the tongue, it sounded like he accused Iris of cheating. So Iris figured that he said that because he cheated all the time and expected her to do that!

. . ..

A little confusing, but it works out!

Oh yeah, let me go back to a funny line I skipped.

* * *

_Stopping to catch his breath, Ash glanced across the room to Pikachu, who shrugged nonchalantly, as if to say "Your wife, your mess"_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

I can just imagine Pikachu's facial expression, and Ash pleading face! But wait, what did Ash expect Pikachu to do? Zap a pregnant woman? Wow, Ash _is_ an idiot!

* * *

_The next item to be thrown at the sofa was too small to be a saucer, or even a spoon. It was small, and shined with a brilliant purple spark._

_Her wedding ring._

* * *

_(Keldeo is stupefied)_

Wow. . .that hurts. . . .what powerful symbolism. . .but wait, anyone can do that! It's been done to death in movies and soap oprahs! Sure, it's good symbolism, but i's not _original._

* * *

_Now Iris was sobbing into her palms, her barrage of cutlery having temporarily halted._

_Seeing his chance, Ash scooped up the ring, and swiftly, but quietly, made his way towards her. It was agony seeing her like this, and of the handful of times Ash had seen Iris cry, it hurt even more to acknowledge that it was almost always because of him. He and his stupid mouth, and his impulsiveness, and Iris's tendency to never take anything at face value._

* * *

THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE!? MULTIPLE TIMES!?

* * *

_When he was within a foot of her, Iris looked up and immediately raised the frying pan she had in her hand._

* * *

Oh no! She's turned into Princess _Peach in Super Smash Bros. Brawl_! Run, Ash, run! She might make it rain turnips!

* * *

_Grasping the opportunity, Ash leaped forward, and immediately planted his lips on hers. He wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her close. With the hand that had the ring in it, Ash painstakingly pried the frying pan from Iris's, now limp, fingers, and placed it on the counter. Then, using the one hand only, he skillfully placed the ring back into its appropriate place, feeling an almost palpable sense of relief, as it slipped snugly onto her finger._

_The crisis having been mostly averted, Ash placed his now free hand, onto Iris's hair stroking it slowly, just the way she loved. They kissed tenderly, and passionately, a chaste, gentle embrace, not the slightest bit forceful, or intrusive. They kissed like they had, when they were teenagers and kissing was mysterious, like a magical gate to adulthood. It was a reminder of all the years they had spent together, from the early days, when they would sneak away from Cilan in the dead of the night, to their life as a married couple. It was a reminder, more importantly, of all the wonderful years they had left together, now as a family, instead of a duo, and how much of a waste it would be to throw all of that away._

_When they finally pulled away, Iris snuggled into his chest._

_"Am I going crazy, Ash?"_

_He chuckled into her hair_

_"Not at all Iris. You're under a lot of pressure, and I had to go and say the stupidest thing ever"_

_Then he did something, he'd been itching to do for the past few minutes. He pushed up Iris's shirt a bit, and lay a palm on her belly. She blushed immediately, and Ash grinned one his trademark, naive grins_

_"After all. There are two of you now"_

* * *

_(Keldeo stomps his hooves)_

So he just kisses her and that makes it all better! Seriously! I guess it helped Iris realize that Ash is an utter idiot and didn't mean what he said. I guess being pregnant kept her from thinking straight. A weird story, but it wasn't bad.

Honestly, I was surprised. I expected some bad fan-fiction, and believe me, it isn't so great. But, you know, these one-shots are actually okay for quick little drabbles. And I'm sure that this final one, "Of Cosplay and Fetishes" will be just as weird, but still as okay, as the other-OH MY GOSH, THIS LAST ONE IS TERRIBLE!

_(Keldeo took deep, heavy breaths for a few seconds before continuing)_

Okay. . .so Iris can't think of what to get Ash for a birthday present, _how, Iris! How did you not get Ash a birthday gift!_

Anyway, Ash is a little bummed out, but is understanding. However, Iris is convinced that this one mistake will cause Ash to break up with her, _after they've been dating for a decade! _So, what does she say?

* * *

"_Oh, Ash, this has to be the worst birthday ever. I'm so sorry" She wrapped her arms around his neck, wishing for once that he'd be mad at her, just as she deserved. They'd been dating for a decade, and she still couldn't think of something that he'd have liked. Perhaps it stemmed from the fact that he was so ludicrously selfless, his own desires rarely ever materialized._

"_Please, if there's anything you want, you can tell me" Even if she'd lost the chance to surprise him, she refused to skip the opportunity to make things better. In the back of her mind, Iris could imagine him standing outside their door, with his bags all packed, softly telling her that the lack of a birthday gift had opened his eyes to just how much of a selfish bitch she was._

_At the same time, Ash was having thoughts along a completely different line, the cogs in his head, rapidly forming a plan_

"_Anything?" He asked, his voice heavy with a suggestive tone, she'd never seen him use._

* * *

That was a flashback, we begin with Iris in a shop. . .

* * *

_She was going to kill him_

_That was the only logical solution, of course. He had to die, for making her go through this embarrassment. Not for the first time, Iris was struck by just how audacious Ash was, for asking her to, no, making her do this._

_The woman behind the counter had a knowing smile on her face, which did absolutely nothing to improve Iris' state of humiliation. Really now, didn't this lady know who she was smiling provocatively at? When the champion of Unova walked into your shop, the last thing you did was grin stupidly at them, like they were some kind of social abomination. Even if said champion wore an overcoat, with a hoodie, and massive sunglasses, so that a single strand of purple hair was all the only discernable feature on their face_

* * *

_. . ._Dressed in a kooky costume Team Rocket _wishes_ they had.

So, what could Ash possibly want that would make Iris disguise herself and want to kill Ash over?

. . .brace yourselves. . .

* * *

"_You want me to what?" She all but screamed out loud, clutching the magazine in her shaking hand_

"_You said you'd do anything. But, it's alright if you don't want to. I don't want to force you into anything" He sounded so despondent, that for a moment, Iris was overcome by sympathy._

"_Oh my, Ash… It's just…. I didn't know you were into…..This sort of thing", she stuttered over her words. She picked up the magazine once again, and looked again at the awkward, to say the least, French maid costume Ash had pointed at. She scoffed mentally, taking care to not let her contempt show. Despite what she thought of it, she didn't want to hurt Ash's feelings, yet again. The outfit was dreadfully frilly, obviously designed for a stripper of some sort, with a hem line that was far too high to be practical in any way._

_She looked up again, and as she looked into Ash's eyes, she knew she'd lost this battle. The look on his face was impossible to say no to._

"_Okay" she mumbled weakly, knowing that she'd gravely underestimated what she'd gotten herself into_

"_Alright, Iris! You're the best" He scooped her up in a hug enthusiastically, and stroked her hair, though for once, the feeling of his arms around her was not enough to snap her out of her thoughts._

* * *

So. . .this story is about Ash making Iris wear a stripper's outfit. . .

. . .

You are SCUM ScourgeofHell!

I mean, you're taking a cute, innocent, family friendly Anime and making it so cheap, disgusting and perverted. Ash would NEVER like something like this! He would NEVER do something like this to Iris! I mean, what were you thinking! How does this story end anyway.

* * *

_When Ash finally entered through the front door, and found her grumpily lying on the couch, in an outfit he'd only dreamed of seeing her in. He silently walked in and placed her on his lap. Then he did something that utterly surprised her. Instead of making a move to help her out of her clothes, he picked up the remote on the side table, and absently started flicking through channels, eventually settling on a live Pokemon battle._

_"But, don't you want to….You know?" She inquired meekly._

_For a while, there was confusion abound on Ash's face, as to what exactly she meant. It vanished, and was replaced by a look of even deeper confusion_

_"But, what's the point of asking you to put that on, if I'd want you to take it off again?"_

_"But then, why'd you ask me to put it on" Her voice was weighed down with bewilderment_

_"You look cute"_

_He spoke as if that was the simplest line of reason in the world, and kissed her on the temple, as if she were a child being explained what gravity was. Soon enough, he went back to his battle, absently running his hands through her hair._

_This wasn't the first time he'd surprised her. Rather, he seemed to do that every week. But this was the first time she realized, that she could be rolling around in a dumpster, and he still wouldn't make her feel cheap._

* * *

Is this supposed to be a cute ending? I mean, okay, I get it, Ash didn't want her to strip, he just thought she looked cute in the outfit. But, NO! I'm sorry, but NO! This doesn't make up for the fact that it's a _stripper's _ _outfit_! It's still perverted, it's still wrong, it's still uncharacteristic of Ash Ketchum. And remember, Iris had to go into that filthy _store of sin _and then put that horrible dress on! Iris was tormented by this to the point that she wanted to kill him! What, was this all part of Ash's plan? Was the point to play a sick practical joke on her? This story was TERRIBLE!

And you know what hurts, all the other ones were just fine, but we had to end it on a really sour note with _Iris in a stripper's outfit! _I cannot believe I just said that! Stuff like that doesn't make it more adult, it makes it more childish. The fact that people are putting innocent characters like Ash and Iris into situations like _this_, just makes me sick to my stomach. And in the end, the fanfics that hold true to morals, ethics, and proper characterization of these characters, will live on for years to come, while pandering garbage like this fades from people's memory, and with good reason.

I'm Keldeo The Critic, and I review Pokemon FanFiction.

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

_The Honeymooners_

_Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

_Nostalgia Critic- The OTHER Animated Titanic Movie_

_Star Wars_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	31. Stopping the Storm

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Stopping the Storm by ARCEUS-master**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

_(Keldeo held his head in his hooves, apparently suffering from a head-ache.)_

I don't want to review this FanFic. I really don't. But someone requested it in a PM, so I feel that I have no choice. I _have to_review, _Stopping the Storm_ by ARCEUS-master.

* * *

_**Stopping The Storm**_

_Author: ARCEUS-master PM_

___His hatred of Life and Humanity at its peak, Mewtwo has created an apocalyptic storm to reshape the world. However this doesn't go unnoticed as Rayquaza sets out to stop this outrageous action. Who shall emerge victorious in this titanic heaven-shaking battle?_

* * *

Now, this is NOT a bad story. The concept does sound amazing. But. . .

Okay, let me explain myself.

First of all, this story is sooooooooooooooo long! Even the author admits it!

* * *

_Also, I'm very sorry for the long time it took to get this done, but as you can see it's a **very long** one-shot, the longest update I've ever written in fact (It's nearly 50,000 words!)_

* * *

_(Keldeo moaned)_

Why me!?

And another thing is, there isn't much to the plot. It's just Mewtwo and Rayquaza fighting a long, drawn out battle. Now to be fair, it would be beyond EPIC to watch this battle unfold. But the problem is, we're not watching it. We're reading it. Sure, we can use our imaginations to visualize the battle being described to us, but sometimes it's hard for the author to get across what exactly is going on, so we can't visualize it like a movie could. And also, sometimes you can get fatigued from reading such a looooooooong battle, to the point your brain starts to hurt.

But, this story was requested, so I'm gonna read it! So let's get going.

* * *

_This one-shot Fanfic takes place at the beginning of Pokémon the Movie 1: Mewtwo Strikes Back_

_I'd like to give big thanks to my dear friend **Shakari** for helping me in checking up ideas and thoughts with her regarding numerous parts and important points from this update throughout the duration of its writing period so it came out in its peak splendor when published. Also, special thanks to **Ri2** for beta-reading and editing/checking my chapter and doing an amazing job on it, as usual. Thanks a lot to both of you. Oh, what would I do without you two?_

_Also, I'd like to dedicate this story to my dear friend **Lady Venamisa.** Life has been very harsh and bad for her recently. I hope this cheers you up my dear friend! Also, Happy belated Birthday to you!_

_Note: The battle in this chapter is a little violent (remove, "a little" XD) and has more blood than usual. That's because the two Pokémon involved in it are so Awesome and Badass that a full battle between them can't stay kid friendly and result in just pants and a few scratches. Lol xD_

_Now, on to the one-shot Fanfic we go! Get the popcorn and enjoy!_

* * *

Oh my gosh, even the Author's Note is long!

So, since this fic is long, I'll try to summarize it for you the best I can.

Basically the whole first part is _a recap of the first 30 minutes of Pokemon the First Movie._

You just needlessly added thousands of words to the story.

Okay, some of us haven't seen the very first Pokemon movie, so a recap is technically a plus. So, yeah, I can't really fault you for that. It helps newcomers become familiar with Mewtwo's creation, motives, and behaviors. It also gives us a look into Mewtwo's mind and why he wants revenge by taking over the world.

_M. Bison: OF COURSE!_

* * *

_One of Mewtwo's hands was raised up and positioned forward, making slow circular motions while a strong blue fiery glow covered it, exerting colossal amounts of his exceptional psychic powers to affect the environment around him and fuel the catastrophic storm he was creating. "Humans… they are such vile creatures… they saw me as nothing more than a mere tool, a means to achieve their goal, a servant… they intended to enslave me, like they have done already to the rest of the Pokémon world," Mewtwo said deeply, continuing his trail of angry thoughts towards the human species, and Pokémon in general for letting the humans become so strong, something that in Mewtwo's eyes was wrong._

* * *

So, Mewtwo's evil plan in this Fanfic is different than in the Movie. Here, he plans to destroy the world by creating a giant hurricane. Yeah, suddenly he has power over nature and the weather.

Okay, what?!

Since when could Mewtwo do this? I mean, how does he use Psychic powers to create a giant hurricane? It doesn't make any sense. Mewtwo has no connection to nature, so having the power to create a giant hurricane is basically just an excuse for Rayquaza to get mad enough to fight him.

And speaking of Rayquaza, he thinks Lugia is making it and asks him what's going on.

* * *

_"Well like I said, it's not me," Lugia began, and then he huffed angrily. "Plus my storms aren't this crappy!" he exclaimed in an annoyed tone. "When I make a storm, I make itgood."_

_"What?" Rayquaza asked flatly._

_"My storms, when I get to creating them, are much, much better, bigger and longer-lasting than this rather poorly made one. It's still dangerous, but mine would be even more so, plus I can create them faster," Lugia explained insistently. "And they last for over forty days too!"_

_Rayquaza didn't seem particularly interested. "Is there a difference?"_

_"Well, aside from the obvious lack of quality, there is," Lugia answered, rolling his eyes. Seeing Rayquaza was ignoring his point he began to explain the important part. "I analyzed the storm earlier; it's being created by manipulating the environment psychically, not by a natural ability to make storms like mine or, on a lesser degree, Kyogre's Drizzle. It's also on a large scale, so I assume it's a very powerful psychic. You don't have senses like mine Rayquaza, so it's understandable that you wouldn't know."_

_The Sky Dragon nodded. "Alright, so this is a forced storm created psychically…" he muttered, thinking on who would have the power to do something like this._

_Lugia nodded back at the Sky High Pokémon. "Correct."_

_Rayquaza floated a bit closer to the Diving Pokémon. "I don't know much of the psychics behind it since I don't have those kinds of abilities, but you do Lugia. Tell me what you know," he requested._

_The Flying and Psychic-type nodded again. "I sense it's a single psychic, and a very strong one at that. Surprisingly I sense traces of a psychic signature similar to Mew's, but at the same time it's very different, so it can't be her. The Psychic in question, judging by the amount of power he is exerting and how continuous it is, is powerful enough to reach the levels of psychic power only seen in us Legendary Pokémon," Lugia explained. "Perhaps a bit weaker or stronger than some… but I'm not sure as I can't get an accurate measure of this guy's mental powers while keeping my psychic meddling over him a secret. I do sense he's very untrained and unpracticed."_

_Rayquaza hummed. "Equal to a Legendary's psychic power levels you say? Interesting. There's a good bunch of Psychic Legendary Pokémon, is it any of them?"_

_Lugia shook his head. "No, the Psychic signature of the being doing this is vastly different than all of them. Like I said, the closest I can compare the signature to would be Mew. However, I sense a great deal of pain, anger and hate in this signature as it is being exerted. Whoever is doing this is very pissed off."_

_Rayquaza nodded in understanding. "Alright, thanks Lugia. We'd need to investigate further to determine who it is exactly and how to deal with it properly."_

_Lugia's gaze hardened. "Whoever is doing this has to be stopped."_

* * *

Yeah, I should probably mention they have kind of a humorous conversation on the Kyogre and Groudon rivalry, but looking back, it's kinda dry.

I don't know why, but when I read their lines it feels like they should have the voice of Stephen Hawkings. . .no emotion at all.

So the pair decide that Lugia should stay back to for damage control and Rayquaza should take the Psychotic Psychic down.

* * *

_Rayquaza stopped from the surprise as he saw the Pokémon in front of him, as did Mewtwo. Both of the Pokémon looked at each other with a very examining gaze, neither tearing their eyes from the other. "What… are you?" Mewtwo asked in surprise as he looked at the Dragon warily._

_Coincidentally, at the same time Rayquaza asked the same question. "What are you?" he asked in a more firm and confident tone than the Psychic-type._

_Mewtwo narrowed his eyes. 'Who is he? He's not just any regular Pokémon… he's a lot stronger than anything I've ever encountered. I could not stop that Hyper Beam, while I can stop attacks from any Pokémon without even putting forth much effort… what is he?' he thought to himself. He growled lowly as he wondered if that meant that this being was here to challenge him to a confrontation that Mewtwo knew would be a lot more dangerous than he'd like, far more dangerous than anything he'd fought so far._

_Rayquaza narrowed his eyes as well. 'Who is he? Hmm, Lugia was right, his presence does feel like Mew's, and many of his physical traits seem like Mew herself, but at the same time he is drastically different than her. This is a unique threat. I'd better handle the situation carefully,' the dragon thought. He adopted a less wary and offensive stance and spoke again. "I know of every Pokémon in the world, and yet you are unfamiliar to me. Who are you?"_

_Seeing that this Dragon was talking rather than attacking more, Mewtwo decided to answer the question. Maybe that would give him some answers to the many questions raging in his mind about the Pokémon in front of him. "Of course you wouldn't know of me, I am a Pokémon that was created in the last few years by Human science and only now do I see the light of freedom," he answered, his mental voice filled with resentment and hate at the memories of humanity._

_This surprised Rayquaza. He tilted his head sideways as he blinked in surprise. "Created by human science?" He asked in amazement. "Just how far have humans dared to go thistime?"_

_Mewtwo ignored Rayquaza's statements, glaring angrily at the Dragon. "Why are you here?" He asked warningly, making it very clear from the tone in his mental voice that he would attack him at any given reason and moment._

_"Your storm poses a very dangerous threat to the world. I came to inspect what was causing it and to put a definite stop to it," Rayquaza answered calmly, not paying much attention to the hostile tone of the cloned Pokémon. "Who are you and why are you doing this?"_

_Mewtwo smirked, his confidence returning. "I am soon to be the new ruler of this planet. I will remake this pitiful world into my world with my storm. I am the world's strongest Pokémon… I am… Mewtwo!" He declared boldly._

_Rayquaza paused for several seconds and Mewtwo grinned darkly, his eyes narrowing gleefully, clearly thinking his claim had caused a deep impression in the dragon that would make him respect him. It did cause a deep impression, just not the kind Mewtwo had hoped for. Rayquaza snorted. Silence followed for a second or two and then he burst out laughing loudly._

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAHHHHHHH!_

_(Keldeo shrugged)_

And that was the highlight of the whole story. Seriously.

What happens after this and before the fight? Just a ton of back and forth between these two! Seriously, they go on building themselves up and tearing the other down for what feels like an eternity!

_"I'm gonna kill humanity!"_

_"Humans have a right to live!"_

_"I'm the world's most powerful Pokemon!"_

_"No you're not, I'm a god."_

_"No you're not!"_

_"Yes I am!"_

_"Ill kill you!"_

_"I'll kill you first!"_

_"Nu-uh!"_

_"Uh-huh!"_

_"Nu-uh!"_

_"Uh-huh!"_

SHUT UP AND FIGHT ALREADY!

And another thing, the author is really pushing the "god" thing. Which is aggravating because when Mewtwo says this:

* * *

_Mewtwo gave a small laugh, for some reason feeling small under the Dragon's angry glare and making him think twice somewhat on his claims. "God or not, you think you can beat me? The world's most powerful Pokémon? I will destroy your claims of godhood."_

* * *

I have to agree with him because none of the Legendary Pokemon are gods! There is only one God! If anything, God via the Holy Spirit sent Rayquaza to put Mewtwo in his place!

Now, I do have to hand it to Rayquaza for giving Mewtwo one more chance.

* * *

_"I generally enjoy difficult battles, but seeing your situation I don't want to resort to a big fight and then to kill you. Just like I say humans have their right to life and exist, you have that right as well. This is not your purpose. You are a badly wronged and misguided soul," Rayquaza said with a kinder tone to his voice that surprised Mewtwo. "It's not too late to change."_

_Mewtwo frowned. "Then what is it?"_

_Rayquaza shrugged. "I don't know," he answered. "The answer to your purpose is generally something you have to look for, it's not expected for it to come to you. You picked this road because you gave up way too easily. You have a right to live too, and that is why I'm giving you a final chance."_

_Mewtwo narrowed his eyes. "Which is?"_

_"Stand down and stop," Rayquaza answered. "Stop this foolish idea of rebuilding the world and don't harm anyone. Go away from here and search for whatever purpose you want without hurting anyone," the dragon explained. "If you do that, I will let you go without harming you."_

_Mewtwo chuckled. "Li-" he began to say, but was interrupted by Rayquaza's much louder and imposing tone._

_"Or continue with this stupid idea of yours, but keep in mind that if you do so, you will be a threat to the world and I will deal with you as such, and I will aim to kill," Rayquaza continued in a much more threatening voice. Then his tone became somewhat softer. "Humans have wronged you badly and as such your opinion on them and this world is a negative one, but there is far more to this world and all of existence than what you know about. Life is a wonderful thing and you shouldn't waste it. What you know of life so far is nothing more than a tiny raindrop next to the ocean."_

* * *

But since he's Mewtwo. . .

* * *

_Mewtwo pondered Rayquaza's words intently for over a minute, going over it multiple times and thinking as deeply as he could. As he did so, the nightmares of the past returned. Being reduced to the slave of Humans, being Mew's shadow… it all echoed within him. The ocean rippled calmly below them while further out it was still storming badly, the storm reflecting Mewtwo's inner conflicts while the calm ocean reflected Rayquaza's words. Mewtwo noticed that the area closest to the dragon was severely weak, but let that slip for now. After deciding it, he gave his answer and it wasn't the one Rayquaza had hoped for. "No… No! Y-you can't be serious, it's all a bunch of lies. I refuse to believe it! I will continue with my goals and I won't let you stand in my way!" He roared out telepathically, his anger and hate blazing at its strongest._

_Rayquaza sighed sadly and shook his head. "I honestly didn't want it to come down to this, but…" He got into a more aggressive and combat ready stance, coils of his long serpentine body swirling slightly and his claws flexed forward menacingly, while his fangs were bared dangerously. "I will have to kill you for threatening the world's wellbeing. I gave you a chance and you wasted it… I must do what is necessary!"_

_Mewtwo's eyes began to glow as the Psychic aura enveloped him again, psychic powers at the ready. "And I will kill you to show you and your god friends the true power of my purpose and ideals! That I am the world's strongest Pokémon!"_

* * *

Oh come on, this felt like an extended cut-scene before a Final Boss Battle! I'm waiting for Omachao to pop out and give us hints!

And you know what? I'm not gonna review the actual battle! You know why? Because it's a seesaw battle that goes back and forth and back and forth! It's not fun to review! It's so annoying it's not even fun to read!

Sure, there are a few fun bits. . .

* * *

_Mewtwo growled lowly as he pondered Rayquaza's terrifying abilities. "You are more persistent than I thought," he commented, glaring. "How are you defying the world's strongest Pokémon?"_

_Rayquaza snorted. "That claim is a far cry from being true. You don't understand the true power of the gods," he said firmly, his belief unbending. 'I wonder what'd happen if hereally fought the world's strongest Pokémon, Palkia would probably rip him open in less than a second with a Spatial Rend most likely, Dialga would either freeze him in time forever or speed up his existence in time so much he crumbles into dust in a minute, Arceus would smite him from reality, Giratina would… she'd…' he shuddered. 'I don't want to even imagine what she'd do to him.'_

* * *

But then it gets ruined by the whole "god" thing!

And another thing.

_(Keldeo clenched his teeth hard)_

Mewtwo is pissing me off.

You are loosing, Mewtwo! NONE OF YOUR ATTACKS ARE WORKING! How can you possibly say:

* * *

_"How are you defying the world's strongest Pokémon?"_

* * *

When you are being completely humiliated again and again as your attacks do NOTHING!

You know what I've just realized. If you look at all the new Legendary Pokemon that have been revealed, and you put Mewtwo in there and compare and rate all of them, you will find that Mewtwo STINKS!

Seriously, _Zoroark_ could probably defeat him, and she's not even a Legendary Pokemon!

I mean it, all this story is doing for me is making me realize how pathetic Mewtwo really is compared to other Pokemon.

And again, this battle is boring. It is soooooooo boring! It's like watching a Magikarp use Splash on a sleeping Snorlax.

Wait, here's a fun part! Rayquaza gives Mewtwo a "The Reason You Suck" Speech that would put GLaDOS to shame!

* * *

_Rayquaza laughed openly. "You? A god? Please, you might be created from Mew's DNA, but you are far weaker than her. Humans tampering with the pure genes of a goddess like her only tainted them, reducing their quality," he stated firmly, as a matter of facts. "Mew's vast powers are something humans can't hope to ever comprehend. Do you really think that you, a whim of humanity birthed in their cold laboratories through experiments that's only a few months old, can be stronger than a great goddess like Mew that's lived since the start of reality, a goddess responsible for participating in the crafting of not only this world, but all of existence? What makes humans so special to create someone stronger than Mew? What makes you so special to be stronger than the goddess of life herself? Mewtwo, you are nothing. You are no one."_

_Mewtwo growled in pure anger, shaking from the uncontrolled rage surging inside him as he searched for a way to counter Rayquaza's words, but he found none… was the Dragon perhaps right? "I am not a whim of humanity…" he choked out mentally, the title making him quiver in rage... and sadness. "I am not a simple copy, I am not Mew's shadow!"_

_"You are poorly backing that up," Rayquaza told him coldly. "You are no Legendary Pokémon. You are just a simple whiny mortal who can't get over the fact of his birth and being wronged by life, you just take this drastic measure because you are unable to look for a purpose on your own and stand out for yourself, and instead you are just miserably waiting for it to come to you. Humans wanted to 'enslave you' and you want to kill them all, is that so different from them? You are just like the humans you hate so much! In fact, you may be worse than them," Rayquaza said callously, each one of his harsh words cutting like a hot knife through butter through Mewtwo's already unstable emotions. "Take a good look at yourself and your attitude; are the qualities you are showing now deserving of what you so arrogantly call yourself? You need to learn your place."_

* * *

But Mewtwo still doesn't get it! He still believs his stronger than Rayquaza, even though Rayquaza is swatting him like a fly! You stink, Mewtwo! You're loosing! Oh my gosh, why can't you be like me when I battled Kyurem! Not only did I not over underestimate myself, I also fought Kyurem with honor and respect, and admitted defeat!

USE YOUR BRAIN!

I'm sorry, I know a lot of you liked Mewtwo in Smash Bros. and wanted him back in Brawl, but. . .he isn't really that great.

_(There was a huge gasp.)_

I mean, come on! He's not a great as. . .

_(Keldeo sighed)_

He's not as great as Ryuga in Beyblade.

I mean, Ryuga and Mewtwo are a lot of like. They both started out as villains created by someone else to rule the world, but then got out of control and decided to destroy the world. They both saw the eror of their ways and moved on, but still remained arrogant and anti-heroic. The difference between the Mewtwo in this Fanfic and Ryuga is that although Ryuga claimed to be the world's strongest, quite frankly, _he was. _Every time Ryuga did something, he clearly showed that he was insanely powerful. He dominated every opponent in spectacular ways that showed what a walking H-bomb he was. When Ryuga boasted about being "The Dragon Emperor," he could easily back it up with attack and displays of force that would blow your. And, plus, he _never_ claimed to be a god. So, when Ryuga boasted, we didn't feel the urge to slap him, punch him, or hit him with heavy objects, because we can see that he earned his titles and should be respected. And, when he finally did meet his match, Nemesis the Black Sun, we felt bad for him because he had earned our respect. And when he continued to claim he was still the most powerful even as he was loosing, it wasn't boasting, he was desperately trying to rally his spirit and courage to build up enough strength to carry on. He had earned his title and kept it for so long, he was in no way gonna loose it so easily. So, when he lost. . .it hurt.

Now Mewtwo on the other hand, is boasting without even having a real battle! I mean, the only battles he fought were against defenseless humans and weak Trainers that happened to come across Giorvanni's Gym. Ryuga fought real battles with tough, Legendary opponents, and defeated all of them. Mewtwo did nothing to earn the title of "World's Strongest." And when Mewtwo finally fought against a tough, Legendary Pokemon, Rayquaza, he continues to boast _even though none of his attempts to defeat Rayquaza are working! _And thus, Mewtwo comes across as some unlike-able, sociopathic braggart that you just can't wait to see get defeated.

Was this intentional? Did the Author want us to hate Mewtwo so that we'd anticipate his downfall? Well, I guess that's kinda clever, but personally, it just makes me hate Mewtwo a lot.

Okay, I have to hand it to Mewtwo for throwing an orbiting satellite at Rayquaza while they're flying in the upper atmosphere, so yeah, there's that.

So yeah, they go back and forth. Rayquaza uses Outrage and Drago Meteor. Mewtwo throws a mountain at him-

* * *

_"Half," Rayquaza corrected, a sly grin adorning his face._

_Mewtwo's eye twitched. "What?"_

_"You only lifted half of the mountain," the Dragon pointed out._

_"Whatever!" Mewtwo roared back. "It's still an impressive feat! You won't be able to take this hit, you dammed god!"_

_Rayquaza shrugged uninterestedly. "I've seen other psychics like Lugia or Mew lift a lot more than that half-mountain without even looking tired or like they're having trouble, while you look like you're about to collapse. And in fact, I've been hit with mountains a lot bigger than that one courtesy of Groudon, so it doesn't really impress me," he said, not showing any sign of surprise. Rayquaza opened his jaws as a single super-compressed yellow sphere appeared, and it began to grow in size as he charged up a Hyper Beam._

_Mewtwo growled in anger, not recognizing who Groudon or Lugia were, but he knew one name there, Mew. "Shut up!" He roared, flinging the mountain at Rayquaza._

_The sphere in Rayquaza's jaws grew in size dramatically, until it barely fit in his mouth. He reared back and roared, thrusting his head forward and firing a full-power Hyper Beam that widened upon release until it was at least two times as large as Rayquaza himself. He aimed the beam at the underside of the mountain and then began to move his head up, changing the Beam's angle in midair so it began to cut cleanly through the mountain as it flew towards him. With an upwards pull of his upper body, the mountain was split in half completely, the natural gravity and the powerful force the beam generated separating both halves as they fell._

_The remains of the half-mountain crashed with the strenuous roar of millions of tons of rock smashing into the ground, sending a tremor quaking across the area and throwing up a large dust cloud. Rayquaza hovered between the mountains, looking perfectly calm after splitting Mewtwo's attack in half. "I hate you!" Mewtwo roared, causing Rayquaza to laugh._

* * *

You know how I said that Rayquaza laughing at Mewtwo was the highlight. Well, I was wrong. _This_ part is the highlight:

* * *

_Rayquaza paused as he noticed something he realized he'd missed for the entirety of the battle, an odd feature on Mewtwo's back. There seemed to be some kind of tube extending from the upper part of his back, directly over his spinal cord, to the base of the back of his head._

_Rayquaza tilted his head slightly. That was an odd feature, yet he could already guess its use. 'Even at his young age, being so vastly inexperienced, Mewtwo has impressive psychic abilities that would usually only be seen on Legendary Pokémon. The location of that tube would seem to indicate it's an auxiliary spinal cord to double the supply of blood flow and nutrients the brain receives, as well as the amount of nerves present. That helps fuel Mewtwo's powerful psychic abilities. How could I miss that over this long battle?' he thought as he analyzed Mewtwo, paying more attention to the tube on the psychic's back than on the massive load of snow that was being lifted and positioned to be hurled at him. 'Now…' Rayquaza grinned sadistically. 'If it's that important… what happens if I cut it?'_

_The sound of flesh ripping echoed over the mountain range as well as Mewtwo's deafening screams of pain as the air bullet pierced his secondary spinal cord, ripping the tube on his back in half and even disintegrating part of it violently. A massive spurt of blood exploded from his back as the rich blood flow was ripped out. Mewtwo's levitation and all psychic activity halted immediately as his mind was numbed with nothing but the greatest pain he had ever felt in his life, even over all of the pain he had taken across this battle put together._

_Mewtwo's paralyzed body fell harshly to the summit, landing with a thud, trembling and screaming as he clutched his injured neck tube. The pain of having the secondary spine completely ripped apart was horrible, the rich amount of nerves only worsening it. The body structure designed to greatly fuel Mewtwo's psychic powers was now fueling his mind with nothing but the most terrible pain._

* * *

The reason I like this is because the author writes Mewtwo as the most _unlike-able_ being that every existed! This guy is everything the Swords of Justice are against!

Arrogance! Pridefulness! Insanity! Evil! Cruelty! Blasphemy! Murder! Lack of respect of life! GAH! Mewtwo is terrible!

And what does Mewtwo say after this?

* * *

_'I need to get away… but I'll be back… I swear!'_

* * *

_(Keldeo has an incredulous expression on his face)_

Really. . .

"I'll be back"?

You stupid little. . .

Rayquaza what do you think?

* * *

_"Even after all this, his twisted ideals stand strong, a pity, there truly is no hope for him… Time to kill him, the fun is over,"_

* * *

_(Keldeo smiled)_

Did you catch that? Rayquaza just said "this guy is hopeless!" And he's right! Well, actually he's wrong about one thing, the fun was over the moment we started reading this story!

So, Rayquaza stops Mewtwo's Villainous Exit Stage Left, and after some more verbal abuse, but's finally time for this punk to be punished. I don't _really_ agree with him dying, but the author wrote him in such a way that I really don't mind. So. . .the end.

* * *

_"Rayquaza, stop."_

_The voice had been very melodic despite being spoken so softly. To Mewtwo it felt like it was brimming with happiness and hope. To his surprise, the second the voice reached them, Rayquaza actually stopped completely in his tracks. He reared back as he closed his mouth, the Crunch attack that had intended to rip Mewtwo to shreds and end his life dissipating completely. The Dragon flew a few feet back and gave a small bow of respect to the newcomer. That surprised Mewtwo greatly. The dragon that had defied him so fiercely… was bowing to someone? The same voice spoke again, with a tone of gratitude in it. "Thank you, Rayquaza."_

_Rayquaza smiled. "Greetings, Mew… and you're welcome."_

_Mew nodded and looked between the combatants. "My, my, you two did quite the number on each other."_

* * *

That's right! Mew ends up saving Mewtwo's life.

* * *

_Rayquaza smiled and closed his eyes, enjoying the pleasurable sensation of Mew's powers swirling all around and inside of him, like Mew's very soul was enveloping him. All the bloodied cracks and dents in his skin began to close, reforming the armor as if nothing had happened to it, looking even shinier and stronger than it had been before the battle. A brighter glow surrounded the right side of his head, as well as where his left arm had been. The light of life shined at its strongest, emanating a warming and alluring soft pink glow. It seemed to melt into Rayquaza's body where it disappeared completely, and instantly all the muscles, bones, and torn flesh began to regenerate, the skin to reform, and even the eye to heal and restore itself. The swirl of lovely light disappeared, and Rayquaza's arm, horn and eye were completely restored as well, as if nothing had ever happened to them. Rayquaza was now completely healed._

_Rayquaza smiled appreciatively. "Thank you, Mew."_

_She gave him a curt smile and turned to the stunned Mewtwo. The clone couldn't believe it. He had fought through hell and back to inflict those injuries on Rayquaza and Mew healed them in a few seconds? He shivered in fear. Rayquaza was completely healed now, and he was not… and he froze when Mew focused on him with a look of sympathy in her adorable baby blue eyes. For a second Mewtwo wondered what would become of him now that he was at the complete mercy of three gods, one of them being the one he had been cloned from, Mew_

* * *

Yeah, all the damage you did, NOTHING! You did nothing, Mewtwo! See how pointless that all was!

* * *

_Mew smiled kindly, slightly bemused by his reaction. "Relax Mewtwo, I'm not going to hurt you. It's all over; I'm going to heal you." Mewtwo's eyes snapped open in pure surprise. He looked up and found himself staring into Mew's cute features, her eyes bright and cheerful and her lips curled into a comforting and loving smile._

_Her eyes glowed, and soon her entire body followed, and Mewtwo found himself almost hypnotized by her gaze. Her body seemed to explode in a bright flurry of light, frightening the psychic clone. Mewtwo felt lightheaded and woozy as Mew's powers surrounded him completely, and to his surprise all the pain that had been splitting through him and slowly draining him of his life completely stopped and was replaced by a feeling of peace and pleasure as he was enveloped in Mew's soul and soothing powers. It was an almost euphoric and pleasing experience as what seemed like an eternity of love and hope passed through him each second he was held in the paws of the being that was the very essence of life itself._

_The feelings ceased, and Mewtwo immediately felt like he desperately wanted them back. To his surprise he felt livelier than he ever had in his life, almost joyful to be alive, like his soul had been soothed and yearned for the feel of Mew's powers gracing it. He noted his arm and neck tube were back to normal, and he himself was completely restored, like he had never fought Rayquaza. He looked at Mew, wondering what to make of her._

_Mew smiled sweetly. "There, all healed now."_

_Mewtwo gazed at her in surprise, but as he did so his anger rose. For the first time in his life he was face to face with the being he had been birthed from, from the Pokémon whose genes they had used to create him. Thousands of images ran through his mind in a matter of seconds, as well as the painful memories that plagued his birth and creation, born in a cold laboratory inside a solitary test tube. Everything the scientists had said about him flashed into his mind, everything about being nothing but a successful experiment, an innovation of human science, a breakthrough of technology… and what he wondered about who he was, if he was nothing but a slave to humans, a shadow of Mew, nothing but a simple footnote and reflection, a mere copy of the smaller pink Pokémon. All of that raged within his troubled mind and soul. "You…" he snarled lowly, his unstable emotions reaching their limit and his hate tearing through his soul._

_Mew tilted her head slightly, seeing his extremely angered expression and feeling the power he was releasing. "Calm down," she said simply._

_Mewtwo roared in anger, and in it he fired a full power psychic blast towards Mew. "I am not your shadow! I am not your copy!" Mewtwo screamed, anger clouding his mind._

_Mew didn't look even remotely alarmed. Her eyes glowed calmly as she exerted her own mental powers, and to Mewtwo's total astonishment, his attack was subdued and torn apart rather easily by Mew, who didn't even looked like she had made an effort._

* * *

YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE!

She healed- wait Mew's a girl? Okay- SHE HEALED YOU! And you attack her?! You lousy, worthless. . .errrargh! I hate Mewtwo!

So, Mew makes Lugia and Rayquaza promise to to hurt Mewtwo. Yeah, Mew's the merciful kind one.

So, Mew and Mewtwo have an extended discussion on how she needed Rayquaza to teach Mewtwo a lesson so she could jump in and lecture him on how although he did wrong, he was not merely her copy, but still a living creature. She also talks about how infinitely more powerful the Legendaries are than him, we get reverences to other adopted Legendaries like Genesect, Deoxys, and. . ._me? _

* * *

_"Deoxys was made several centuries ago when Mew got a cold, and while she was high in the world's sky, nearing space, she sneezed. The sneeze contained enough of her DNA to mutate a space virus and develop into the being known as Deoxys, the DNA Pokémon," Lugia explained. "He started wrecking havoc until he was dealt with, and Mew literally adopted him."_

_Rayquaza nodded. "As for Genesect, his origin was similar to yours, he was an ancient fossilized Pokémon some humans brought back to life and turned into a machine, but he was later discarded. He was found by Terrakion, Cobalion and Vizirion, and hearing his past with humans they vouched for him to be turned into a Legendary. Many Legends didn't really have a problem and Arceus approved their request. Keldeo was found by the same trio, but unlike Genesect he was adopted more directly into their midst," the dragon explained. "They're both somewhere in the Unova region right now."_

* * *

Huh, well I'm in this story. Referenced, anyway. Wait, Deoxy's is Mew's snot? GAH! NASTY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! We also discover that Mew is Arceus' mate. . .ewwww.

* * *

_So do you accept my offer of peace? I'll help you master your powers, grow, and find you a purpose. I will, I promise." She smiled sweetly._

_Surprisingly, Mewtwo found himself yearning for her offer, and he nodded immediately. He now understood the wrong in his beliefs and ideals, how mistaken he had been and now he truly felt alive. "Yes, I accept… Mew."_

_Rayquaza sighed. "Finally! I had hoped he would accept mine first, oh well."_

_Lugia rolled his eyes. "Great, we've got a new Legendary kid in the group. Welcome aboard…"_

_Mew giggled at their reactions, teleported in a bright pink flash on top of Lugia's head, and began bouncing up and down rapidly. "Oh, come on Lugy, cheer up! You were certainly happier when Silver was born."_

_Lugia grimaced. "I don't like that nickname," he said adamantly, but then he grinned. "And of course I was happier! He's my son, after all!"_

_Mew frowned. "Aww! But it sounds so cute!"_

_Mewtwo blinked. "Why is she so hyper now?" He asked, eyeing Mew and her suddenly more playful and cheerful mood, happy demeanor and odd antics._

_Lugia chuckled. "Mew is easily the most playful, carefree and hyperactive Legendary out of all of us. She was acting serious while she got you to understand; now that the need's over she's back to her usual ways… sadly."_

_Mew smacked Lugia's head with her tail, the bulbous tip and length making the tail a surprisingly effective (and painful) whip. "Ow!" Lugia cried, grasping his head with his wings and rubbing it. How Mew put so much force into that tail he'd never find out._

_Mew teleported to Rayquaza's head instead. "You aren't making any smart comments, are you?"_

_Rayquaza looked once at Lugia and then tried to gaze up at Mew. "No, I'm not."_

_"Okay!" Mew chimed, nodding happily and resting herself comfortably in the center of runic yellow ring in his head._

_Mewtwo looked on at Mew, and slowly pondered on the surprising revelation that had been brought to him. It seemed that Rayquaza had been right, there was a lot more to life than he thought there was, and apparently with Mew's guidance he would be finding out a lot more soon. He looked over the landscape and the devastation he had caused along with Rayquaza to the mountain range and sighed. He wondered how long the path would be. Mew had said mastering one's true soul and powers took a long time, but Mewtwo didn't feel afraid of the new path anymore, he was ready to face the new destiny that had been laid out for him._

_His life had changed… for the better._

* * *

So, in the end, Mewtwo sees the error of his ways and decides to let Mew be his guide to a new destiny. Meaning that this is an Alternate Universe Fanfic where _Pokemon the First Movie _never happens. And since this is supposed to happen during the time of that movie, a.k.a. Season 1, this would be _before_ Genesect is created, _before_ Deoxys crash lands on Earth, and _before_ I become a Sword of Justice! GAH! The author shouldn't have referenced those events! They didn't happen yet! It's like he was so busy writing the battle scenes that he got lazy when orchestrating the time line! What, did Celebi or Dialga show them the future? Would you mind telling us that! Use the internet!

This Fanfic is. . .amazing! I can't describe it!

On one hoof, it made me hate Mewtwo with my entire being, the author messes up the time line with events that haven't happened yet, the battle is just Mewtwo using Splash over and over again while claiming to be the most powerful Pokemon, and the best parts are the parts where Rayquaza tells Mewtwo "The Reason He Sucks," and it was soooooooo long!

But on the other hand, the battle is pretty epic, Mewtwo does do a few clever things, I love how Rayquaza is utterly enjoying the battle, I _adore_ Mew's personality, the references to pretty much every Legendary is cool, and I am glad that Mewtwo did learn the error of his ways at the end.

So, I'm pretty much divided on this fanfic. Sure, I focused on the negative aspects a bit, but I'm a Critic, it's what I do. And no, I'm not gonna go beat up Mewtwo in some humorous ending scene. The real Mewtwo isn't this intolerable. He can be prideful and stubborn, but he's not as bad as this.

So, I'll let you decide if you like this story or not. As for me. . .I won't be reading it again.

I'm Keldeo The Critic, and I review Pokemon FanFiction.

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

_Beyblade- Metal Fight_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	32. Editorial 3- Kyurem the Critic

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Editorial- Kyurem the Critic by Mr. Grool**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

_(Keldeo furrowed his brow and glared)_

And I have a bone to pick with none other than Kyurem.

Less than 24 hours ago, look what his new friend Mr. Grool the Mismagius posted on his FanFic page.

* * *

_1. Kyurem the Critic reviews_

_After hearing about Keldeo the Critic, Kyurem decides that he won't let the Sword of Justice hog all the glory! With his trusty team of Cryogonal, Kyurem shows these fanfictions and creepypastas for what they really are! Spinoff of Keldeo the Critic_

_Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,319 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6-19-13_

* * *

_(Keldeo shook his head in disgust, then he sucked his teeth and spoke)_

Kyurem. . .

You arrogant, stuck up, sadistic, awful, color changing, Plasma loving, dishonorable, heartless, Cryogonal enslaving, horn breaking, sword snapping, train chilling, lake freezing blimp jamming, window breaking, lair smashing, dragon faced, self centered, Brony hating, tiny armed, wide-eyed, dinosaur brained, cold blooded, Hydreigon murderer who kisses up to The Bittercold!

* * *

**IT'S SATIRICAL: **_Keldeo the Critic**/**Matthais Unidostres and Kyurem the Critic**/**Mr. Grool **both** **respect** each other's work._

* * *

Well it seems Kyurem has officially become the Gary Oak to my Ash Ketchum!

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_

___(BOOOOOOOO!)_

Okay! Okay! Bad joke! That was too far!

But seriously, what kind of jealousy pushes a Pokemon as big and strong and proud as Kyurem to such lows?

But let me tell you something "Kyurem the Critic". . .

_(Keldeo turned into his Resolute Form and extended his Secret Sword)_

I will not be intimidated! In fact, I'm gonna avoid your reviews like the plague, cause I don't want any of your dishonor to tamper with my system of reviews and code of conduct.

So, I leave you, "Kyurem the Critic," with this one statement!

_(Keldeo stood tall and held his Secret Sword high as he declared dramatically)_

**_I'm_**Keldeo the Critic! And _**I**_, you hear me? _**I** _review Pokemon FanFiction!

_(Keldeo then marched away, splashing through the shallow water.)_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_(Keldeo then returned quickly and said excitedly with a wide smile)_

By the way, wasn't that Gainax Ending to that "_**Acid**_" Creepypasta story stupid? I mean, seriously, why would she eat the cartridge it makes no-

_(Keldeo suddenly caught himself and turned wide eyed.)_

I mean. . .uh. . ._**TRAINING**_!

_(Keldeo ran off at top speed, leaving a trail splashed in his wake)_

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

_Nostalgia Critic vs The Angry Video Game Nerd_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	33. Vegeta At Jubilife?

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Vegeta At Jubilife by austin . todd. 315**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo the Critic! And I review-

_(Keldeo suddenly turned around fast and took of at top speed. He reached the edge of the shallow stream, only to trip and land painfully on his face)_

Ow! Ooh. . .ooh. . .

_(Keldeo looked up and moaned)_

I can't escape it, can I?

_(No.)_

I have to go through with it, don't I?

_(Yes.)_

Ohhhhh. Alright. Here we go. _Vegeta At Jubilife _by austin . todd . 315.

* * *

**Vegeta At Jubilife?**

Author: austin . todd . 315 PM

Marian is out sick. Bulma forces Vegeta to substitute for the Jubilife Contest. So the frustarated Saiyan hosts the contest with help from Puar. How will this turn the tide in his first. Warning: F bomb contained in a signature part of sentences. Puar is a -SHOT.

* * *

This sounds AWFUL!

First of all, a_ Dragon Ball Z crossover!_ I hate that show! All they do is scream, blow stuff up, and punch each other! It's like Naruto written by a lunatic!

And oh yeah! The the F word is in here too! Isn't that nice!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete_

So let's get this over with as quickly as possible!

So Vegeta, the Prince of the Saiyan Alien Race, has to go to Jubilife and participate in a Pokemon Contest.

* * *

_'How.' Thought Vegeta. 'How could I let my wimpy human wife convince me into doing this. I just helped save the world from cell, and this is how they repay me. If Hercule's at this lame contest I'm gonna kill im. Actually, my hot wife wouldn't like that. I'll beat him up though. I can't believe I'm thinking this, but Kakorot's brat should be getting the attention!'_

_"I understand what your thinking Vegeta," said a Meowth nearbye him. "But remember that I'm helping you out!" "Now let's go!"_

* * *

Oh, so Meowth is helping him, so that's nice.

But, _come on_, how is Vegeta, this guy who's so angry and destructive and impatient is going to participate in a Pokemon Contest where he has to judge Pokemon dancing around all pretty-like? _Give me a break!_

* * *

_"Fine." Said Vegeta, figuring that while they were in Jubilife, they could still head to The Contest Hall in style. This was going to be as good as he could make it, if he could even prove that it is remotely possible to make it good. "Kyerum! Let's go!"_

_"he threw a Pokeball and a Black and Gray Pokemon emerged from it._

_They flew over to the ontest hall on Kyrim, and the contest began._

* * *

Wow! He spelled Kyurem's name two different ways and they both were wrong! I can't wait to see more!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete_

Yeah, get used to that guy, you'll be hearing that a lot.

* * *

_First up was Zoey, performance is the same as the Anime… except this part!_

* * *

_Yeah, I'm not gonna actually write what happens. I'm lazy like that. So if you didn't see that episode, you're out of luck!_

* * *

_A dragon rage blasted Misdrevous off of Zoey's hand. It was Kyrim._

_"You did good now get the heck outta here!"_

_The judges' coments are the same as the Anime._

_The security guards were about to challenge Vegeta, but they remembered that they were each iffered exactly One bIllion dollars from his Multi-trillionaire wife, so they refrained._

* * *

_"Look! Vegeta's stolen all of our Pokemon! And he's murdering everyone! Stop him!"_

_"Sorry, but we owe his wife too much money-"_

DUMB!

Are we supposed to on Vegeta's side? Or is he supposed to be the villain? And the grammar is terrible! Look at the spelling! It looks like a second grader typed this.

* * *

_All the rest was the same as the Anime except for the fact that three peop;e were to go after dawn._

* * *

_Like I said, I'm lazy like that._

* * *

_"Okay it's time for the second round!" said Vegeta._

_"But what about my performance?" asked a timid little girl._

_" #$% your performance! It's time for the second round!" shouted Vegeta._

_'There are still three remarkable performances left including her." Mr. Zukizo protested._

_"Then their disqualified!" shouted Vegeta. "And quitsaying remarkable!"_

_"Your not remarkable."_

_"You use remarkale in every sentence! STOP SAYING REMARKABLE!"_

_"Um… I don't know how to say a sentence without saying remarkable."_

_"Just STOP saying Remarkable!" shouted Vegeta. "It's easy!" He was getting pretty mad now. "STOP SAYING REMARKABE!"_

_"Ummm… remarkable?"_

_POW!_

_Vegeta began pounding the judge._

_"STOOOOOOP SAYIIIIIING REMARKABLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!" he shouted as he pounded the #$% out of the judge punch after punch, and a few kicks and body slams as well._

_Puar had been on Vegeta's shoulder, but when he charged at the judge, the Meowth leapt right off._

_After he was pounded, Mister Zukizo seemed pretty dazed._

_"Um… remarkable."_

_Vegeta kicked himinto a wall by kicking him in the belly with his left foot._

_"ARG!" shouted the Saiyan Prince as he kicked the judge. "Puar, you take over."_

* * *

THIS ISN'T FUNNY! This is just random! Are you even _trying?_

And how is watching this nut-case beat an innocent judge half to death entertaining? Well guess what? It's not! Look, I understand that this is Vegeta's character, but all this means is that this Fanfic doesn't work! There's no story! There's no plot! It's just this lunatic being violent!

Oh my gosh, let's hurry up with the thing.

* * *

_The second round began. The first match was Ash Vs. Jessilina._

_"Yo that Meowth can talk too!" said James._

_"I don't like him." Said Meowth, who sat next to James in the audience._

* * *

Wait, so Vegeta's Meowth isn't the Team Rocket Meowth? Why would you-? Why can he-? I mean- NEVER MIND!

So Ash defeats Jessilina with his Aipom in one move, proving how lazy this author is! Seriously, couldn't you write an actual battle?

* * *

_"It looks like this pathetic Carnivine has already lost!" shouted Vegeta. "Ash Ketchup of Pallet Town wins!"_

* * *

One good joke in the entire FanFic! That's quite an accomplishment!

* * *

_"It's Ketchum." Said Ash._

_"I don't care what it is Ash." Said Vegeta._

_"But how?" asked Jessie in agony. She became jumpining up and down so much that her disguise fell off and her hairstyle returned to how it usually is._

_"Jessie?!" shouted Ash._

_"Time to go!" shouted Jessie as she ran out of The Contest Hall carrying the unconscious Carnivine over her head. James and Meowth soon joined her._

_"It appears the judges have decided that she lost a full quarter of her points from that one Focus Punch!" shouted Vegeta. "Let's get on with it then."_

_Buneary defeats Bidoof/Bibarel in the same way as in the Anime while Zoey's Glameow easily defeated a Caterpie that belonged to a first timer named pip with Shadow Claw, A One-Hit Knockout That Led The Crowd To Cheering._

_"Its time Third Round." Said Vegeta._

_"But what about our match." Two first timer by's said at once._

_" #$% your match! It's time for the Third round!" shouted Vegeta in anger. "Your both disqualified!"_

_The boys's walked away in tears._

* * *

Well that's charming!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete_

* * *

_"Okay! Since there are only three people left, I considered having one peson automatically advancing to the finals through lottery, but no one is good enough for that, all three of tyou suck. Battle Royale!"_

_"I didn't train for this!" shouted Dawn._

_"No automatic elimination you see," said Vegeta. "The other two wouldn't deserve that help."_

_"Pikachu!" shouted Ash._

_Pikachu ran onto the stage._

_"Dratini!" shouted Zoey. "Curtain!"_

_A Snake-like Dragon Type Pokemon emerged from a blast of white light._

_Buneary was called on as well, and looked at Pikachu with loved filled eyes._

_"Begin!" shouted Vegeta as he fired a Ki Blast into the air like he was firing a Pistol._

* * *

And now for something completely different. . . .

An actual battle!

_Rocky the Flying Squirrel: "And now for something we hope you'll really like!"_

* * *

_"Pikachu!" shouted Ash. "Use Volt Tackle on Buneary!" He was ready to get going. "Spin while doing so!" shouted Ash._

_Pikachu crackled with Electrical Aura as he spun towards the Pokemon who had a major crush on him._

_"Dodge it Buneary!" shouted Dawn._

_Buneary desparetly tried to dodge, somehow she was SPED UP by the disbelief of her major crush following his trainer's orders to use Volt Tackle on her. She still wasn't faast enough, and got hit hard. Buneary barely endured the attack, which had hit her directly and hurt even more than it already normally does. Buneary got up, and looked at Pikachu with tears flowing down her cheeks._

* * *

_(Keldeo banged his head on the ground)_

Oh my gosh, even the actual battle with actual effort put into it is painful/ Look at Buneary, this is the worst day of her life!

* * *

_Dawn lost a whole third of her points._

_"Ice Beam on Dratini!"_

_Buneary didn't do so. She was too sad to follow orders. For disobedience, the judges agreed that another third of her points would be eliminated from this Battle Royale Pokemon Contest Battle._

* * *

And that's just stupid!

* * *

_"BUNEARY!" Dawn shouted in anger. "we're going to lose!_

_Buneary was listening, but while she heard Dawn perfectly, she didn't react._

_"Dratini! Use Ice Beam on Pikachu!" shouted Zoey._

_Dratini obeyed. It carried extreme obedience as it fired glowing Icy snow at Pikachu._

_"Iron Tail now!"_

_Pikachu's tail glowed like steel an smashed the Ice Beam and Zoey lost one whole quarter of he rpoints from the beautiful counter that Pikachu ahd just pulled off with this amazing Iron Tail attack that totally led the audience to cheering like there was no tomorrow._

_"Use Dragon Rage!" shouted Zoey. "Aim for Pikachu!"_

_Dratini prepared for the moment where she would fire the attack at Pikachu._

_"Now spin!" shouted Zoey._

_Daratini fireed while spinning rapidly and this created a Dragon rage Tornado!_

_It hit Pikachu and catapulted the helpless electric type Pokemon into the air. Ash lost barely less than half of his points as Pikachu got back on it's four feet._

_Ash knew that Buneary would be an easy target, but the hardest should be taken out first._

_"Thundershock on Dratini!"_

_Pikachu did so, and Dratini was nearly zapped into submission. The shock was so astounding and so beautiful that the judges took away a whole half of Zoey's Maximum points! This left her with only a quarter left! Puar was astounded. The attack was truly an astoundingly beautiful one._

* * *

_(Keldeo smiled and jumped up excitedly)_

Alright! Go Pikachu! You can do it! Go-go-go-!

* * *

_"Okay, okay," Vegeta began. "Time for The Award Ceremony." He finished._

* * *

_(Keldeo blinked, still smiling.)_

. . . What? . . .

* * *

_"But what about the rest of the match?" asked Zoey._

_" &$# the rest of the match! It'd time for The Award Ceremony!" shouted Vegeta with anger._

_Zoey, Ash, Dawn, Pikachu, Buneary, and Dratini all sweat dropped. Buneary was still sad, but it was still able to sweat drop._

* * *

_(Keldeo shook all over, his eyes twitching wildly. Then he exploded.)_

Wwwwwwwwwwhaaaaaaaaat!

You deceived me, Todd! I thought I was getting an awesome battle, but you had to go and ruin it! You. . .

_(Keldeo sighed and face-hoofed. He then looked up and said.)_

You know what? It's obvious that this was written just to piss off whoever read it. So I give you props for succeeding in that goal.

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete_

* * *

_"Now the winner is…" said Vegeta._

_The three coordinators and their looked at the Master Of Ceremonies in suspense._

_"The winner is me!" shouted Vegeta. "I deserve the Trophy after putting up with you idiots!"_

* * *

YOU - WIN?! You don't deserve a Trophy, you deserve a straitjacket!

* * *

_"Actually," said Puar. "It is a Ribbon, not a Trophy."_

_"A RIBBON?!" asked Vegeta in confusion. "Championship Belts and Championship Trophy's are in these days!"_

_"You are looking at me in horror." Said Puar with confusion in his eyes(Not the move)._

_Vegeta shook the look off._

_"Not anymore." Said Vegeta. "Well I'll just give the Ribbon to my wife. Yeah, that's right, my hot wife deserves the Ribbon for being hot! She is the real beauty! That's who gets the Ribbon anyway right?! I keep the winner's Certificate though."_

_Puar and the rest of the judges sweat dropped at the Saiyan Prince's remark._

_"I'm the winner!" shouted Vegeta._

_"But what about us?" asked Ash in confusion. "What about our Pokemon?"_

_" #$% your Pokemon! I'm the winner!" shouted Vegeta with anger._

_"But I was winning." Said Ash._

* * *

Well, sorry Ash, but you can't possibly win in a Fanfic as bad as this! I don't think I can find any high parts to this story!

* * *

_Dawn was sobbing on the floor. Ash leaned down and moved his left hand across her face in comfort._

_Pikachu went up to Puar and chatted with him for about Twenty Three Seconds, and then Puar gave him some roses. Pikachu went up to Buneary and gave her all five roses. The Female Buneary embraced her major crush._

* * *

. . . .wow, that was sweet. Okay. I guess ever cloud does have a silver lining.

* * *

_"Draco Meteor." Said Vegeta._

_Kyreim used Draco Meteor which exploded in the sky like Fireworks._

* * *

And the author still can't spell Kyurem's name right! It's called Google!

Oh my gosh, no effort was put into this story at all! The battles were skimmed over! Vegeta's a horrible character! Kyurem didn't even have much of a purpose! I don't understand what the talking Meowth was for! And every moment of this story _hurt_! This is the worst story I have ever read in my entire life! It just. . .stinks! Don't you see! You could've done so much with this! You could've had the Pokemon fight against the evil Siayans! You could've had Vegeta have an actual Pokemon battle! You had so much potential here, and you wasted it!

This is a Troll-Fic, and you'll never convince me other wise!

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon Troll-Fic!

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

_The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends_

_Portal 2_

_Dragon Ball Z_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	34. Nine in the Afternoon- Chapters 1 and 2

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Nine in the Afternoon by Glory For Sleep**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

People have a lot of trouble figuring out Mew and Arceus' genders, mostly because the Pokemon wikis have them as genderless.

Okay, seriously guys, Arceus has a male voice. He's male.

And as for Mew, well if Mewtwo is Mew's clone, and Mewtwo is male, then that means Mew is male.

Why can't you all grasp these concepts.

Well, how about we check out Fanfic where Mew's female! _Nine in the Afternoon _by Glory For Sleep!

* * *

**Nine in the Afternoon**

Author: Glory For Sleep PM

He was stressed out completely. He now had to keep Mew company for the next set of hours. And it was only nine in the morning. Somehow, Arceus was certain that this was going to be a very long day… Mew/Arceus

* * *

Well, I don't really like this shipping, but it could be worse, so lets see what we've got here. Starting with Chapter 1: Nine in the Morning. Wow, the chapter name is the opposite of the story name! That's cool!

It begins with Arceus ending a long meeting in the Hall of Legends, and Arceus is _drained._

* * *

_"Court is adjourned."_

_Arceus sighed with relief as the Legendaries dispersed their seats among the jury stands, leaving the meeting room of the Hall of Legends – a temple in the heavens above Earth where Legendaries discussed various things – in an orderly fashion. Their conference had ended only seconds ago, the matters they debated on involving many suggestions towards better living styles for the aforementioned planet's inhabitants, as well as possible new ideas for making the rules of natural order remain in balance._

_The qilinlike being slowly stepped down from his pedestal that overlooked the room, giving him the appearance of a judge in the courtlike dormitory. The Legendaries had left, leaving him the only occupant among the golden halls of the Hall of Legends, and also giving him time to think over the new problems that had surfaced into his mind upon the prior conference: More natural disasters had been listed, another new disease had been found, and, worse, his favorite soap opera – Desperate Gymwives – had postponed its new season until next year._

* * *

. . . .really. . . .a soap opera joke. . .is that all you got?

* * *

_It didn't end there, either. Among the Armageddon that was harassing Earth, post-apocalyptic mayhem had already swarmed over the Legendaries. Counterparts were fighting against counterparts, always bickering with one another; it was hard to believe that some people actually thought counterparts were the best mates for each other. Why, not too long ago, Dialga had fought against Palkia in Alamos Town, practically sending the whole community into a hellish world that was located between dimensions. Of course, Darkrai was there to help, but after the battle was over he returned to his island to come face-to-face with his counterpart, Cresselia, who nearly slam-dunked him just for almost getting himself killed._

* * *

Nice reference to _Rise of Darkrai!_

* * *

_Stress was everywhere, to make a long story short._

_Arceus had begun to wonder if he would ever crack a smile. His job as God-_

* * *

_(Keldeo threw up his hooves and walked off. A few moments later, Keldeo came back looking grumpy.)_

I'll over look it. Let's just keep going.

So Arceus just keeps moaning and complaining about how stressed out he is and how he just wants to scream and wishes he didn't have to be so serious all the time.

_GLaDOS: She's tested me too hard! Boo-hoo!_

I hate whiners! I don't want to hear Arceus whine! You're the most powerful Pokemon in existence! Suck it up!

So it turned out that Mew missed the meeting, and Arceus wants to know why.

* * *

_"Mew," he began, voice slow and deep as ever, which hid, with ease, the jumpiness he had prior of her entrance, "where have you been? You just missed the meeting."_

_Despite that he had held a scolding tone, because he knew that she was aware of how important daily meetings were, the catlike Pokemon only shook slightly, as if afraid, or having just witnessed something that would scar her for the rest of her life. Arceus pulled back, eyebrow arching fully due to Mew's random actions, which, when compared to her daily, immature ways, seemed out of the ordinary. "Mew?" he began, calling to her as if trying to verify if she was alive or not. "Are you okay?"_

_Mew slowly turned her widened gaze to Arceus, muttering out ever so slowly, "I…saw…things."_

_Arceus frowned, confused. "What do you mean?"_

_The catlike Pokemon slowly floated forward, stopping when she was a few feet away from his figure. She was now shaking like the end of an Ekans' tail, her own long tail limp like a dead limb, eyes still widened, and she looked like she was on the verge of screaming._

_The God Pokemon in front of her deepened his frown. Knowing her, this was all a prank for humorous purposes as, for the record, she had pranked every Legendary on the council instead of him, though this was probably in order to avoid getting punished for it._

* * *

Yeah, all of this trauma is just an act! Yeah right!

* * *

_ However, even then, with the way she looked, her pupils dilated, her pink fur paling into a shaded white, she looked as if he was going to vomit in a matter of seconds (which was why Arceus took a cautious step backward from her assumed 'range of fire'). "Mew," he spoke again, this time more warning in his tone, "what is wrong?"_

_Mew looked at him, and she mouthed two names before muttering them out with sound added. "Mewtwo…Deoxys…"_

* * *

_(Keldeo looks interested)_

Mewtwo and Deoxys? Well, what happened? Did Team Rocket capture them? Or worse, Team Plasma!

* * *

_Of course, looking at Mew's face of horror, and the situation the two genetic Pokemon placed themselves in, a new worry erupted throughout Arceus' mind. "Are they okay?" he asked somewhat hesitantly, fearing the worst based on what Mew was portraying. "Has Team Rocket captured them or something?"_

* * *

Wow, I'm on the same wavelength as Arceus! That's cool!

* * *

_"I…saw…them…" she mumbled._

_"You saw them…what?"_

_"Doing…it…"_

_"Doing what?"_

_"…it."_

_"What's 'it'?"_

_"I saw them…"_

_"Yes, I know. What were they doing?"_

_"…it."_

* * *

_(Keldeo blinked, a smile frozen on his face)_

I hate innuendo jokes. I mean, sure it's _obviously _not what you think, but you really shouldn't joke like that.

* * *

_He was aware that she stayed with Mewtwo in his cave due to the fact that they were technically related, and after Mewtwo began to talk to Deoxys, a relationship of some sort flourished between them and the said female space virus soon moved in with the manmade Pokemon. Mew didn't mind having her as a roommate, as she had mentioned countless of times that she was happy Mewtwo had found someone to be with so he wouldn't be alone. In fact, Mew adored Deoxys like a big sister – and her, Deoxys, and Mewtwo had formed a sort of trio, to say the least._

* * *

Oh, well that's nice. Mewtwo, Deoxys, and Mew, that's nice. Mew is Deoxys' little sister, that kinda cute, I'd like to see that. . .almost as much as I'd wanna see why Mew is so traumatized! Spit it out already!

* * *

_Mew took a deep breath, then continued, her paws still wrapped around her as if to preserve whatever warmth still resided within. "I saw them-"_

_Arceus arched his eyebrow._

_"-on the ground-"_

_Arceus blinked, and the last part of her sentence came out of her mouth in a whisper barely loud enough for him to hear._

_"-on top of each other."_

_As if all hell broke loose at the mention of those last words, Arceus pulled back, both his eyes widened and his black face succumbing to a blush._

_Oh…that's what she meant by 'it'._

* * *

_(Keldeo stared at the Fanfic with his mouth wide open and his eyes filled with shock)_

Mew watched sex. . . . ?

Mew watched Mewtwo and Deoxys have sex. . . ?

IT HAS MEW WATCHING SEX?!

_(Keldeo picked up his tablet with his mouth and prepared to smash it on the ground in a rage. But at the last moment, he stopped, looked at the tablet, and with an annoyed groan, rolled his eye and put the tablet back down carefully)_

* * *

_If he recalled correctly, no one ever explained the concept of the 'Pidgeys and the Beedrills' to Mew, but apparently she knew something about it, because she looked horrified as any younger sister would when one caught sight of their big brother doing…__that_…with his girlfriend.

* * *

Why are you saying it like that! They're not really siblings! What, is the author trying to put incest into this? This is awful!

_(Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and prepared to stab his tablet. But then he froze, thought, groaned in what sounded like pain and turned off his sword.)_

So Arceus doesn't believe her, and basically gives her a big "GO AWAY!"

* * *

_Arceus frowned. He was convinced by the aforementioned facts that Mewtwo and Deoxys would never do such a thing. Because of this, he replied, "Mew, I think you interpreted wrong. Mewtwo and Deoxys are dedicated to the council – they would never break such an important rule."_

_Mew's expression of fear and repugnance broke away as soon as his doubts made themselves known. Her eyes narrowed into an annoyed semblance, her paws on her hips as her fur regained its silky, pink hue. Her tail swished around like an Arbok before lunging in to kill whatever prey was in sight, and a pout had rested itself on the tip of her snout. "I saw what I know and I know what I saw," she retorted, high voice fit into an angered hue. Of course, Arceus was just surprised that she had recovered from her sickened pose as fast as she did; although it wasn't long before he rolled his eyes out of impatience towards her obvious stubbornness._

_"Mew," he muttered, "I'm sure you were just being paranoid and your mind deceived you. I have enough to worry about as it is, so if you don't mind, please return to your post on Earth and try to make the next meeting."_

* * *

Isn't he benevolent!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-test Complete_

But luckily, Mew has seen the end of the first episode of the 2012_ Littlest Pet Shop _Cartoon_._

* * *

_He turned his back on her to walk away, but with a squeak of slight fear she quickly shot forward and stopped right in front of his face, causing him to nearly stumble back with his expression displaying surprise._

_"Please let me stay here with you!" she then pleaded, pure hurt in her eyes as she placed her paws together in a begging manner._

_Arceus choked on his spit. "What?"_

_"Please, Arceus!" she continued, ignoring how his expression seemed to represent the word 'blasphemy'. "I'm too scared to go back to Mewtwo's cave, and I don't want to be alone on Earth! Please! Please! Pretty-please with cherries and syrup on top! Please!"_

* * *

So, what do you think happens next?

* * *

_Arceus' eyebrow twitched, although it was out of disbelief rather than anger for her obvious childishness. She actually wanted to stay with him for the rest of the day? Him – in the Hall of Legends? He had enough troubles already, but now he would have to put up with her immature attitude all by himself, and just because she was too paranoid to go back to her cave in fear of seeing the 'it' again (speaking of which, Arceus still thought that she was being fooled)? No way! The God Pokemon opened up his mouth to emit his negative response, but Mew beat him to it._

_"Oh, thank you so much, Arceus!" she squealed, apparently jumping to the conclusion that he was going to happily accept her company. She had grown to believe with the fact that he listened to every problem Legendaries had that he wouldn't mind being her best buddy for the rest of the day, or at least until she was certain her brother and Deoxys were done doing…'it'._

* * *

Wait a minute, he was gonna say "No"? What a heartless jerk! She hit him with a Cuteness Beam! That's Super Effective against all types! Where's his heart?

* * *

_Arceus opened his mouth to voice the correct response of how he wouldn't be able to handle her, but he was interrupted yet again when she flew forward and hugged his face. His eyes widened upon the contact, feeling her fuzzy warmth against his cheeks, and, a little into the embrace, he couldn't tell if his face was warm from her, or if he was really…_

_…blushing._

* * *

Yeah, I really don't care. Really, I don't care about Arceus here. I'm not invested in him. I care more about Mew. I'd rather this story focus on Mew. Why can't this story be from her point of view?

* * *

_He had hoped to take the rest of the day off to relax and possibly ease some of the tension within his muscles; but, as always, his break was postponed._

_Arceus returned to his hooves, eyeing Mew with slight annoyance as she flew around above him._

_His headache had yet to go away._

_He was stressed out completely._

_He now had to keep Mew company for the next set of hours._

_And it was only nine in the morning._

_Somehow, Arceus was certain that this was going to be a very long day…_

* * *

That's Arceus, ladies and gentlemen. The Whining Pokemon!

So now we go on to Chapter 2: Of Sweets and Soap Operas. Wow, that sounds. . .like it'll be filled with weird unfunny jokes focused on some stupid soap opera the author's gonna make up out of thin air.

And I'm sorry, I know I'm being really pessimistic, but Chapter 1 was. . .not fun. . ._  
_

_(Keldeo massaged his head, and then sighed)_

Okay, Chapter 2.

* * *

_"Ooh! Ooh! What should we do first?"_

_Mew squealed with childish joy as she twirled around in the air, a semblance of excitement drenching her pink countenance. With her tail moving to an imaginary beat, swishing around as if her dancing performance was choreographed to it, she did a few more barrel rolls in the air, ignoring how Arceus was watching her from below, eyebrow twitching out of slight anger and – possibly – at the strange feeling of misery that was now erupting throughout his body, dimming his proud soul into a shriveled prune of both depression and slight embarrassment._

_What did he do to deserve this?_

* * *

Almost committing genocide and impersonating God!

* * *

_What was it called to turn your lips upward out of satisfaction again? He couldn't remember._

_No, seriously, he couldn't. It was kind of pathetic, to tell the truth._

* * *

Awwww. . .he can't smile anymore. . .wow, you are pathetic!

* * *

_He closed his eyes, hoping that the day would just wash away. Perhaps, once he reopened his eyelids, he would find himself waking up in bed, and the whole roommate deal forged with Mew would turn out to be a nightmare caused by eating week-old pizza that had been haunting the back of the fridge._

* * *

_(Keldeo face-hoofed)_

I am tired. I am so tired. I am tired of when they do this with the Legendaries. Why would Pokemon have a refrigerator? And Arceus is huge, does that mean it's a giant refrigerator? And how would they get a pizza? Did he pick up a phone and order it? Did the delivery guy fly to the Hall of Legends and drop it off?

THIS! MAKES! NO! SENSE!

* * *

_Suddenly, a bright light flashed from behind him, and his eyes blinked in surprise before he turned around to face the source. Mew was floating a few feet away, her happy expression still present, and behind her was a humongous pile of various candies and sweets, which she was too preoccupied with to notice the bewilderment that was still covering Arceus upon her disappearance. Then again, she didn't have time to notice, because just as fast as she had returned to the room, killing all of the hopes inside Arceus that she was gone and he was finally alone, the said God Pokemon allowed his eyes to narrow, his frown now twitching from silent snarls. "Mew!" he then snapped. "Where'd you go?"_

_Mew turned back around to face him, her expression showing curiosity rather than fear to his sudden, unexplained mood, but she soon shrugged it away when she moved to the side and allowed him to see the large pile of treats behind her. His expression lightened into – yet again – a look of bewilderment, while Mew only chuckled to herself. "Breakfast!" she announced, throwing her paw into the air as if informing an imaginary army behind the qilinlike Pokemon that it was feeding time._

_Arceus blinked a few more times. Breakfast? He turned his eyes to Mew, who was now displaying the goofiest grin he had ever seen. She had teleported somewhere, got the sweets, and brought it back to the Hall of Legends in a few seconds flat? But…from where? He didn't really heed this question as much as the one that slowly emitted from his mouth, hints of skepticism riding it. "You want to eat sweets for breakfast?"_

* * *

_(Keldeo looked around)_

I guess this is kinda funny. . .I guess. I mean, you're reducing Mew to an annoying hyper little girl that likes candy. Why can't she be more like the Mew in _Stopping the Storm? _She could be serious, but still had a funny hyper personality. But in this story, she's like Pinkie Pie with super powers!

_(Keldeo shuddered)_

Oh my gosh, may that never happen. Equestria would never survive. . .

Wait, where did she get all of that candy from? Is it Rare Candy? She'd be level 10,000 by now!

* * *

_"Where did you get all of this?"_

_Mew stopped right when another chocolate bar was in the midst of entering her mouth, eyeing him with confusion. She soon brought the chocolate bar down, though, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she brought her gaze into the air in the act of pondering. Arceus quirked his eyebrow, wondering why she was taking so long to give him an answer. "Some place," she eventually replied, immediately continuing afterwards by feeding on the chocolate bar, ignoring how peanut bits were glued to the roof of her mouth from an encasement of caramel._

_The God Pokemon frowned. "How can you not know where you got it from?"_

_Mew shrugged, remaining silent as she fed her vast stomach with the pile of candies all around her. Arceus felt suspicious, as if he knew she wasn't telling him the whole story, purposely avoiding mentioning any clues towards the correct answer by shoving sweets into her mouth until she couldn't even talk._

* * *

Plot point is dropped in 3. . .2. . .1. . .

* * *

_Eventually, he sighed in disappointment, not wanting to even bother. Instead, with the loss of his appetite at the sight of the slaughter of innocent sweets in front of him by a famished Mew, he pushed away the rest of his questions, his still-pounding head adding to his urge to ignore it all; or, as quoted continuously by Darkrai: 'Not give a flying #$%'._

* * *

And a swear word! Awesome!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-test Complete_

* * *

_Arceus brought his eyes to the pink Legendary, expression returning to display exhausted annoyance. "I'm going to watch my stories."_

_AKA: his soap operas._

* * *

Okay. . .

* * *

_At first, Mew displayed slight nervousness as if not wanting him to do such a thing, but quickly shoved it away and returned to eating her sweets, hoping that the headline news wasn't on at the moment. Meanwhile, Arceus arched an eyebrow at this, but ignored it, leaving Mew to her business and making his way to the large TV that sat in the corner of the room – courtesy of Raikou, who had one day randomly found a way to install circuit outlets on some of the Hall's walls, which, of course followed with a plasma screen television set for all of the Legendaries' enjoyment._

* * *

Oh that makes perfect sense!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-test Complete._

You ever notice that the worse the Fanfic is, the more times that guy says his Sarcasm line?

* * *

_Though Arceus found the machine to be only a symbol of the other Legendaries' childish needs to watch humans brawl, the qilinlike Pokemon had found his own amusement shortly after among noticing the existence of realitylike drama._

_AKA: his soap operas._

* * *

Yeah, you said that already.

* * *

_With slight comfort gracing his expression, he tapped his hoof on the power button of the TV's remote, watching the black screen among the silver-colored box flicker immediately onto the channel he was looking for. "C'mon May," he then mumbled to himself, slight anticipation covering his voice, "you gotta tell Brendan your feelings before he slips into another coma."_

* * *

_(Keldeo had a helpless look on his face)_

I don't know what's going on! I'm so confused! What is May doing a soap opera? She's not an actor! She's a Pokemon Coordinator! Why is she on TV? I can't take it much longer! This story makes no sense! I mean, what could possibly be dumber than that?!

* * *

_Just as the said fictional characters appeared on the screen, the show changed into what looked like the opening to a news channel._

_Oh crap, Mew thought as she poked her head out of her lessened pile of candy, biting her lip._

_Arceus' eyes only blinked, though they soon narrowed as he grew interested in what had happened, leaning his head forward to peer closely at the screen. "We interrupt this episode of May's Anatomy," began the narrator, his firm voice fit for an anchorman, "to bring you this breaking news!"_

_Immediately the scene switched to a reporter, who was standing in front of what seemed to be a store, the blaring light of morning shining across his stern face as he brought a microphone up to his mouth. Simultaneously, the topic of the breaking news flashed across the bottom of the screen, highlighting four words in bold that summed the whole incident up:_

_**Candy Store Robbed**_

* * *

HOLY BISCUTS! MEW'S A THIEF?!

_(Keldeo reared up on his hind legs and prepared to stomp on the tablet, but then he stopped short and graoned yet again, settling down to continue reading)_

Alright, I think now I've seen everything. Nothing will surprise me now.

* * *

_Arceus turned off the television before the reporter could finish, allowing the room to quiet down into an eerie silence. He remained uneventful after that, keeping his hidden gaze directed towards the ground, as if he had been changed into a motionless puppet. However, he soon snapped his head around, his face drenched with hatred as he roared out one word that brought Mew to freeze in her attempt of sneaking away before he noticed._

_"MEW!"_

* * *

_Please_ kick her tail!

* * *

_"Why did you steal that candy?" he snarled, coming closer, sharp teeth exposed. Mew squealed, hiding behind her paws, but soon revealed her expression of fear and slight regret as she replied with the only response she could come up with._

_"I-I…w-was…hungry."_

_Arceus snorted, pulling back, shaking his head in an attempt to smother some of his anger so he at least wouldn't explode and scare the pink Legendary to death – though he was beginning to like the idea of doing so._

* * *

So am I, Arceus! Teach that girl a lesson she'll never forget!

* * *

_She had just added another problem for him to worry about, and now occupying half of his thoughts were how they were going to fix this. He couldn't just ignore it and move on – that was completely against his Legendary ways. Perhaps, he thought, he could convince Jirachi to wish truckloads of candy upon the shop owner; maybe even more than he had before. Yeah, that would probably fix this whole mess._

* * *

Well then why didn't Mew just ask Jirachi for candy? What, did she think stealing it would be easier, that little pile of felony!

* * *

_The God Pokemon, lost in his thoughts, didn't notice Mew's next words. "I'm sorry, Arceus!" she pleaded, grasping the God Pokemon's surprised attention when she floated forward and kneeled before his hooves like a slave asking for forgiveness. "I thought the shop owner wouldn't mind – I thought he could just get some more! I'm sorry! Please forgive me! Please!" She clasped her paws together, looking more hopeless by the second as her bottom lip puckered outwards into the form of a baby's frown, and her tail lay across the ground in a limp, dead manner. Arceus didn't want to mutter even a sound since, remembering the last time, she had automatically assumed that he had agreed to allowing her to stay with him, and no doubt would one spoken word be misinterpreted once again._

_However, he couldn't ignore her request for forgiveness. She just looked so miserable on the ground – like a dying person with nothing to lose, and he couldn't possibly stay mad at her, which would add to the bonfire that was her sensitivity. The last thing he needed was to be seen as a heartless being in her eyes when he was being forced to stay with her for the rest of the day, though her expression implied that she wouldn't mind it if he indeed scolded her, physically agreeing that she deserved it. Even then, though…_

_The God Pokemon found his expression lightening up as he gazed more and more into Mew's saddened face, which remained in position as if she wasn't giving up until he emitted some sort of acceptance to her apology. Arceus brought his gaze to the ground, knowing that his anger was completely gone and trying to resurrect it would be pointless. She had said sorry, and that's all she could do. Unless the shop owner wanted regurgitated candy, Mew had no way of giving it back. Besides, Arceus found an unexplainable urge to smile as he looked at Mew – she looked kind of cute all pouting the way she was. He soon shook these thoughts away, however, instead keeping his voice stern as he muttered out his next word with a deep, elongated sigh._

_"Fine."_

* * *

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH!

This! Is! Stupid!

Think about it! If a kid steals from a store, they're usual either grounded by their parents, or put in jail or given community service if the crime was big enough. What I'm trying to say is, Mew has to be punished! If someone broke into your house or shop or whatever and stole your stuff, how would you feel if they got off scott-free! The fact that Mew is not punished sends a really wrong message! Sure, Jirachi will replace the candy, but there still has to be some sort of punishment, or else Mew won't learn her lesson!

I am a Sword of Justice. I hate crime with a passion. This Fanfic is a bucket of injustice!

And don't tell me, "oh, this is an allegory for Jesus' forgiveness." NO IT'S NOT! Jesus can forgive sins because He took the punishments for the sins of the world! In this Fanfic, the punishment is just waved! It's given to no one! That's not how it works! Besides, a good father chastises their kids! Spare the rod, spoil the child! The Swords of Justice punished me whenever I stepped out of line!

Why couldn't the author just have Mew sit in a corner or apologize to the shop owner or eat 20 tons of spinach or something!

I! DEMAND! JUSTICE!

So Mew turns all happy, knowing that she commited a crime and got away with it, and hugs Arceus. I still don't care about Arceus, and I'm mad at him for not punishing or disciplining Mew. And now I hate Mew because she's a burglar! What happens next chapter, she starts a Candy Mafia? That's the problem with this Fanfic. It makes you hate all the characters!

Okay, what's next?

* * *

_He blushed as he felt her softness touch his cheeks, her snout nuzzling right underneath his eye. He could feel his heart flutter, flying around in his chest as the cold feeling that had erupted throughout his stomach upon meeting her physical contact changed into a comforting sensation of warmth. Before he could realize it, he closed his eyes, smiling slightly, enjoying the feeling of her cheek caressing his affectionately – his troubles washing away from beneath her loving hold. He liked the feeling – it was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time._

* * *

Oh yeah, I forgot the Romance tag. I suppose we're in store for more of this.

* * *

_They remained silent, smiling as they enjoyed each other's body heat. However, Mew soon pulled away, a red tint of what could be considered a blush covering her face as she twirled backwards in an obvious attempt to hide it. Arceus wasn't paying attention, though, too busy blushing himself to notice. Mew soon returned, her blush dissipating and her goofy grin returning as she floated by his face, which held a dazed expression._

* * *

Oh my gosh, we get it already!

* * *

_Because he suddenly thought that - maybe - the rest of the day wouldn't be so bad._

_He couldn't explain why he suddenly felt this way, but he didn't really care._

_"Let's watch a movie!" Mew squealed, floating over to the stack of movies that rested beside the TV. Arceus only hummed in response, as if not minding anything she did anymore, sounding as if his troubles had disappeared into oblivion – never to bother him again._

_It was such a good feeling._

* * *

_(Keldeo looks pissed)_

Oh you did not make a_ Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood_ reference in this horrible Fanfic! What's next?

* * *

_Mew came over, her grin wide while a DVD was cradled between her two paws, and she held it out to his face so he could read the title of what she wanted to watch._

_Cloverfield_

_Arceus suddenly frowned._

_Good feeling's gone._

* * *

Now a _Finding Nemo _reference! Oh come on, wha-?

_(Keldeo suddenly freezes and rereads the movie title in the Fanfic)_

* * *

_Cloverfield_

* * *

_(Keldeo's lip trembled as he appeared to be on the verge of tears. Then he shouted in rage, jumped back, and formed a Focus Blast in his mouth. He aimed the sphere of energy directly at the tablet. Keldeo held the attack in his mouth. Beads of sweat were trickling down his head. Keldeo shook as he locked his eyes onto the tablet. Keldeo scrunched up his face, his teeth clenched together hard, and then, at the last possible second, he threw his head back and shot his Focus Blast into the air. As he fired more Focus Blasts into the sky, he screamed out one name.)_

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	35. Dramatic Skit 6

DUM! DA-DUN! DUN!

DUM! DA-DUN! DUN! DUNNNNN!

_The story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent._

DRAGNETBALL!

_Today, International Police officer Watcher is investigating a crime in Painters Town, Santo. This is the "Case of the Vanishing Candy"!_

* * *

_(Watcher's point of view)_

When I heard that I was called to investigate a robbery at a candy store, I thought it was a joke. After foiling the plans of Team Universal, I felt this was a waste of valuable man power that should be used to investigate Team Photon in the Snowva Region. But when I heard the details of it, it peaked my interest. I turned out that the entire store was picked clean. . .and in 5 seconds flat.

_(DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNN!)_

So I headed right towards the candy store, and the first thing I saw was the shop owner. He was a round man that seemed to be in his fifties, kneeling down in front of the empty store, crying helplessly as if his whole life had been taken away right before his eyes.

"Are you the shop owner?" I asked.

He whimpered and nodded.

"I'm sorry for your misfortune, but I'll do my best to find the culprit," I said.

"Thank you," he whimpered.

Officer Penny came in with her squad and checked the place for evidence. Not a single hair or fingerprint was found.

I began talking to the owner, "When did this happen?"

The man sniffed and replied, "When I went out to gather supplies. I only stepped out for a few seconds, and when I came back, everything was gone!"

The man burst into tears.

I sighed and turned to Officer Penny. "Nothing? No leads?"

Penny shook her head, "Not really. But the general thought is that whoever did this must either be incredibly skilled at thieving, or a sort of Pokemon with powers over such things as teleportation or a move capable of easy escape."

My eye brows rose, "Wait a moment. Check the cash register!"

Penny opened it, and found that not a dime was touched.

"A Pokemon would steal food, but not money," I said, "Get out the energy sensors."

* * *

DUM! DA-DUN! DUN!

DUM! DA-DUN! DUN! DUNNNNN!

_We will return to _Dragnetball _after this break._

* * *

_Let's look at this case file._

_(Sound of a file cabinet opening and a file being taken out and opened)_

_Lung Cancer patient, also plagued with Emphysema, forced to carry oxygen tanks around for the rest of his life._

_Don't smoke. It gives you bad breath, rots your teeth, fills your body with a bad odor, yellows your skin, gives you cancer in your lungs and mouth, destroys your heart and esophagus, and finally kills you._

_Don't buy cigarettes, and don't even try them._

_And now, back to _Dragnetball, _and_ ___the "Case of the Vanishing Candy"!_

* * *

The sensors showed us that the place had Psychic energy all over it. However, even when searched around Painters Town for a 10 mile radius, we couldn't find any trace of Psychic-type Pokemon, or Psychic energy.

"What I can't understand is why the readings are so powerful!" Penny said, "It's as if a hundred Psychic-type Pokemon came in here."

"Or one very powerful one. . ." I said as I got up and slowly walked out of the empty store.

"Where are you going?"

"To Charon Palace."

_(DUN-DUN-DUNNNN!)_

When I get to the Palace, I met up with Childd Winters who I had contacted earlier.

"So, Mowz is said to sometimes reside in the Palace's attic?"

"Yes," she said, "But I think you'd better go alone. After I tried attaching a tracking device to her a while back, she'd probably fly off at the sight of me."

So off I went into the attack. I moved slowly, placing each step carefully so I wouldn't make any noise. Soon, I made it to the attic door. I opened it so slowly that it hardly made a creak. The first thing I saw was what I wanted to see. It was Mowz, playing with a toys while a huge pile of them lay around her.

"Hello," I said.

The small white cat turned around fast and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Who are you?" she said with telepathy.

"My name is Watcher," I said, and I looked at all the toys, "Where'd you get all these?"

Mowz shrugged and smiled, "I find them all over, and bring him here. Nobody would really miss them, right?"

I looked her in the eyes and said, "So, you take what you want. . .well, sometimes people have to work hard to get what they have. Like, lets say, a man who owns a candy shop. He has to work hard all the time, making all of that candy. Then he sells the candy in order to make money to pay his bills, buy food for himself, and get supplies for more candy. If one day, someone steals all of his candy, then he has nothing to sell. He can't pay his bills, buy food, or make more candy. And so, he goes out of business, he has no money, and has to live out on the street with no food and no shelter. Do you understand?"

The Pokemon was crying now, tears dripping from her eyes. She whimpered and and turned away, covering her eyes with her paws.

"Why did you steal that candy?" I asked sternly.

She continued hiding behind her paws, but soon revealed her expression of fear and slight regret as she replied with the only response she could come up with.

"I-I…w-was…hungry."

* * *

DUM! DA-DUN! DUN!

DUM! DA-DUN! DUN! DUNNNNN!

_The story you have heard was true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent._

_The results of this case after the following message._

* * *

_Millions of people die from cigarette smoking every year. Many of those people aren't even smokers, but breathed in second hand smoke. If not for your health, then stop smoking for the health of others. Whether long or short cigarette, don't smoke it._

* * *

_Mowz was pleaded guilty and was found guilty of grand theft. She was sentenced to 1,000 hours of community service, in which she began working for the candy store owner, delivering candy for his new candy delivery service._

Dragnetball _was brought to you by PBN, the Pokemon Broadcasting Network. Tune in next week at this time for "The Stolen Ice Cream Joke."_

_DUM! DA-DUN! DUN! _

_DUM! DA-DUN! DUN!_

_DUM! DA-DUN! DUN! _

_DUM! DA-DUN! DUN!_

_DUM-DUM! DUN! DA-DUNNNNNN!_


	36. Nine in the Afternoon- Chapters 3 and 4

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Nine in the Afternoon by Glory For Sleep**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

Well, I'm finally calm now.

So, lets review. Arceus is a big whiner and cry baby who loves soap operas, and Mew is kleptomaniac who's addicted to candy and likes horror movies. Good gosh, what was the author thinking? Did he even see the movies? I mean, come on!

_Uh, Keldeo. . ._

_(Keldeo turned around fast and saw none other than Mew himself float over to him)_

Oh my gosh! It's Mew! I can't believe it! Don't worry, I know this Fanfic is complete nonsense and-

_I _am_ a kleptomaniac._

_. . . . ._

What?

_Remember all those toys I hoarded in that attic of Cameron Palace._

Oh yeah. . .

_(Mew nodded)_

_Yeah, I just wanted to get that out there. . .so . . .um . . .goodbye!_

_(Mew teleported away)_

Okay, so I guess I know where the author got the idea from, but Mew took those toys one by one! She wouldn't rob and entire store and kill a man's livelihood!

_(Mew suddenly reappeared and shouted angrily)_

_That's right! I wouldn't do an awful thing like that! And I'm male, by the way!_

_(Mew teleported away again)_

And I really doubt that Mew would like horror movies! _Cloverfield? _Really?

_(Keldeo sighed)_

Well, let's get on with it. Chapter 3-

* * *

_"I saw it! It's alive! It's huge!"_

_"...Mew, that's your tail."_

* * *

Oh yeah, that joke at the end of Chapter 2. I don't get it. Is that reference to _Cloverfield? _I never saw that movie, how am I supposed to get the joke? Or is it just to show that Mew's afraid of her own tail? I don't get it.

Oh my gosh, this fanfic's making me ask too many questions!

So, in Chapter 3: You're My Main Dude- what kind of title is that? Anyway, Mew and Arceus are watching the movie, and-

* * *

_Arceus didn't know what was more horrific – the movie, or what Mew was doing while watching it._

_The said cat Legendary screamed as she flew backwards from the TV, clinging to the first thing she could possibly hold onto – which happened to be the top part of Arceus' face. _

* * *

Oh, come on! She's afraid of the movie? Then why did she want to watch it? I know, the point of horror movies is that it's supposed to be scary, but from what we've seen of Mew in this story, she doesn't seem like the type who should be _allowed _to watch horror movies! It's like having the Cutie Mark Crusaders play _Gears of War_.

_(Keldeo gains a surprised expression)_

Did I just reference _The Elements of Gaming _by Ryden and Xephfyre?

_(Keldeo shrugged)_

Eh. . .it's a good fanfic.

* * *

___Of course, Arceus showed no signs of fright during the whole thing, as he had been forced to be one of the first to watch it after Rayquaza somehow managed to retrieve a copy. _

* * *

Rayquaza got one? How? Did he go into a video store?

_The Blockbuster employee looked at the clock. "Well, almost closing time-"_

_SMASH!_

_The man screamed in terror as Rayquaza smashed through the front door, his head filling the lobby. The huge dragon looked at the terrified man and said:_

___"Can I get copy of Cloverfield."_

It doesn't add up!

Anyway, the whole scene is pretty predictable

* * *

_"Mew," Arceus started once again when he felt Mew scoot closer to him, squealing in fear against his fur – and he was getting rather annoyed by her irrelevant fright towards a movie that showed a fictional situation, "it's just a movie; it's not real. Would you please relax?"_

_The catlike Legendary ignored him once again. Instead, she moved her head to the side to glimpse at the screen with one, large, fear-stricken eye, yelping when she realized that the main characters of the movie were now running for their lives down an army men-covered street, fleeing into a nearby subway tunnel entrance right as the colossal monster crossed over them with a stentorian roar._

_You know, the scene where the monster's dog-sized minions chase after them all –_

_"RUN!"_

_Oh crap, it just happened._

_Before Arceus could dodge, Mew slapped herself onto his face again, screaming herself as Rob and the others began to run down the tunnel in hope of escaping the aforementioned parasites that were attacking them._

* * *

You know, you could _not_ narrate the events of the movie to us. Cause it's kinda weird to come in expecting a Pokemon Fanfic, and end up reading a _Cloverfield_ Fanfic!

* * *

_Arceus couldn't see what happened after that, as he was now flailing around, Mew glued to his face as she continued to yelp at the top of her lungs, which wasn't helping the God Pokemon's reoccurring headache. He continued to stumble all over the place, the extra weight to his face and the lack of his eyesight causing him to lose all sense of direction._

_"Mew! Get off!" he roared, fearing at that direct moment that he was possibly on the verge of colliding with a wall. Mew paid no heed, too busy screaming to listen to his frustrated voice, which was coming out in a muffled manner since her body partially covered his mouth as well._

_Henceforth the reason why he preferred soap operas._

_"Save me, Arceus!" Mew pleaded, her loud voice vibrating throughout the God Pokemon's mind. He could only continue to flail around, lacking any clue to where he was going as he struggled to pry Mew off of his face. _

_So he continued to stumble around, mumbling out more orders for Mew to get off, and even throwing in a few reminders that it was all a movie into the collage of scowls that came with it. However, Mew still ignored him, screaming her brains out even when Rob, Hud, Marlena, and Lily had successfully escaped the dog-sized parasites by hiding in a staff room;_

* * *

Oh yeah! See how they escaped from certain death! Aren't you relieved!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-test Complete_

* * *

_though, she soon realized this, her eyes blinking in confusion and yelps for help coming to an abrupt stop. Arceus still stumbled around regardless that her hold on his face had loosened, and she soon let go altogether, floating back to her seat to continue watching the movie._

_Meanwhile, Arceus continued to flail around like an idiot, unaware that Mew had left him; though he soon opened his eyes in the midst of stumbling around when he felt cold air touch the areas around his forehead again…_

_…and only to gasp upon noticing that a wall was right in front of him._

_Smack!_

_Arceus smashed flat-face right into the golden wall._

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

* * *

_Silence._

_Then:_

_"Here…comes…the pain…"_

_The God Pokemon stepped back upon mumbling those words, his hooves trembling as the predicted aftereffects of the collision shot throughout his entire front._

* * *

Yeah, that's right! The worlds most powerful Pokemon! He can stand up to anything!

. . .

Accept walls. A Hyperbeam? Ha! That's nothing! But walls! Oh boy, that's his one weakness.

* * *

_Of course, Mew, oblivious to it all, just continued to watch Cloverfield, unaware of how Arceus toppled over in pain, his back hoof still twitching._

_Eventually Mew noticed the lack of his presence, and turned her head to eye the darkness around her. She was unaware of Arceus' accident, having considered the strange and random thump that had come with it to be only part of the distant explosions emitting from the TV. "Come on!" she then called out to him, her voice back to being jumpy and overexcited, as if her prior fear had never existed since the movie's events had grown calm once again. "You're missing the best part!"_

_An incoherent curse from the darkness was the only response._

* * *

Little did the author know that Arceus wasn't cursing Mew, _he was cursing him for writing this fic!_

* * *

_Arceus could only sigh as he struggled to get up before Mew showed any signs of wanting to help him. Then again, the pink Legendary was too preoccupied with watchingCloverfield, which, as Arceus reluctantly approached on aching, sore hooves, he noticed that it was the part where Rob and the others were climbing the sky-high apartment buildings in search for Rob's girlfriend, Beth, who was stuck on one of the top floors. Arceus grunted, happy that the movie was somewhat close to being over, and when the lights would come back on he would throw the DVD out the window before Mew even noticed._

* * *

_(Keldeo had a pleading look on his face)_

You know what any one of you could do for me? Write a Fanfic where Arceus reviews _Cloverfield _Nostalgia Critic style. Seriously, if I have to review this fanfic, I really should get something in return. So, someone just write that up, and please make it funny.

So, they _finally_ finish watching the movie.

* * *

_Mew was only an inch away from the screen, her widened eyes glued to it as if she was hypnotized. It was still at the part with the characters' helicopter on the verge of crashing, and therefore the camera's perspective was shaking like a high-magnitude earthquake._

_A little while after that, the movie was over, though Arceus could only confirm the now-displayed credits through the corner of the screen since Mew's body had blocking it since the helicopter scene. He sighed in relief, quickly getting up, walking over to the wall, and turning on the overhead lights, which blared into his darkness-adjusted eyes and therefore caused him to cringe at the brightness. He then returned his gaze to Mew, who was still standing right in front of the screen, seeming to even drool slightly, and the God Pokemon behind her could only grimace at the sight. He grunted in annoyance as he approached her, muttering out in the midst of it: "Mew, come on, the movie's over."_

_No response._

_Arceus arched an eyebrow, though his frown was strong with annoyance. "Mew?" he muttered, his voice louder than before._

_No response._

_"Mew!" It was a snap now._

_Still no response._

_"MEW!" Now a full-fledged roar._

_No response. Wow, embarrassing._

_Arceus snarled before walking forward to tap the Pokemon in the back with his hoof. Right as he was about to do so, though, she turned around, revealing her dazed gazed and drooling mouth as she then began to stumble around like a drunk person. Arceus gaped in bewilderment. What was wrong with her? She came closer to him, groaning slightly as if she was dizzy, and her skin maintained a light tint of green that could be seen through her fur._

_The God Pokemon rolled his eyes. Whatever her problem was, it would probably all be okay as long as she wasn't –_

_Mew suddenly gagged forward, vomiting up the hordes of candy she had consumed before – and all over Arceus' hooves._

_– motion sick._

* * *

I! Hate! Gross out humor! Does it even count as humor?

* * *

_"Sorry about puking on you."_

_Arceus could only glare at Mew, who was sending him a nervous grin, having immediately recovered from her motion sickness gained from sitting too close to the screen an hour after regurgitating all over Arceus' hooves, which he was now cleaning in a bowl of water,_

* * *

That's right, they have electricity, a refrigerator, and a plasma screen TV, but no bathroom or bathtub! He has to use a little bowl of water!

* * *

_Because of this, he brought his gold eyes to Mew, who was now staring at him, her large gaze begging for forgiveness in the same way she had done before. And, as with the previous situation, Arceus couldn't stay mad at her with the way she looked so hopeless. Sure enough, if it had been Raikou, Lugia, or even Rayquaza that had given him the fun task of cleaning partially-digested material nourishment from his hooves, he would've forced Giratina to banish them to the somber pits of the Underworld without any objections._

_However, for Mew, staring into her eyes made him conjure up an exception. Despite how much he wanted to kick, roar, or even brawl anyone in sight for the mere predicaments he had been put through so far, he couldn't bring himself to think of Mew as a possible source to take his stress out on._

_Dear everything that could be associated with the word 'holy', what was wrong with him?_

* * *

I don't know, ask the author!

You know, if this story had been a little more vague on what the characters were really thinking, I would've assumed that Mew or someone had made some bet or blackmailed Arceus so he couldn't get mad at Mew. That sadly makes a lot of sense.

Oh my gosh, this fanfic is so insane! There is nothing- I repeat- _nothing, _that could possibly more ridiculous than what I've already experienced.

* * *

_Arceus grunted. "But it's not real. How can you be scared of something that isn't real?"_

_At that moment, Mew frowned as if she had been offended, and she jabbed her paw forward right in front of his face, causing him to display a look of surprise. "Oh yeah?" she then reckoned, eyes narrowed. "Well what if the 'fictional' world that movie took place in was actually the REAL world – and the world we live; the world of Pokemon – is actually just" – she looked around the room as if to think up of an idea – "I don't know – a worldwide successful video game franchise! And it has its own movies and various merchandise, and fans of it even write their own stories involving Pokemon!" She suddenly gasped in fear, holding her face between her two paws. "What if what we're doing right now is just a story being written by an obsessive fan?!" She squeaked, biting her claws as she began to shake in immense fright._

* * *

_(Keldeo's facial expression is unlike anything you've ever seen. There are no words to describe the expression on Keldeo's face. It's shock, it's horror, it's disgust, it's indescribable.)_

. . . . . . .

There's Bugs Bunny and there's Pinkie Pie. . . .

This is. . . . Pugs Pinky? I don't know!

This is like that infamous Pinkie Pie scene in _Equestria Girls_ times **_100_**! And she didn't even break the fourth wall in _that_ scene!

Nobody breaks the fourth wall as much as Mew just did in this scene!

Okay, it's not bad, and it's not stupid, per say. But it isn't ingenious or amazing or innovative. It's actually kind of creepy.

* * *

_Arceus stared at her as if she was demented._

_Then his expression soon grew serious, and his stern voice came out with a scowling tone._

_"Mew, that is the most ridiculous theory I've ever heard."_

* * *

This whole fanfic is ridiculous!

* * *

_Mew dropped her expression of fright, instead placing her paws on her hips in a scolding manner. "You don't know that!" she retorted._

* * *

Yes I do!

And what do the events of this chapter have to do with the chapter title? "You're My Main Dude"? Was that a famous line from the movie?

Oh, and we get a hilarious little scene from that movie in the Author's Notes! I don't want to spoil it, so read it yourselves! It's sooooooo funny!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-test Complete_

Okay, Chapter 4: The City is at War- oh, what now? Are we gonna play _Half-Life 2_ now? Is Mew gonna show Arceus how to stop the Combine from killing everyone in City 17? You know, that would exactly be much more interesting than watching. . .whatever the heck we've been watching during the last 3 chapters!

* * *

_A childish giggle. "What should we do now?"_

_An aggravated sigh. "I don't know, Mew."_

_Mew floated around Arceus, who had just finished cleaning his hooves from emesis and was now inspecting them in the overhead lights' shine, searching for any leftover splatters that perhaps had survived the vigorous washing in the bowel of water beside him. His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized them, appearing more determined than a jewel-crafter who was in the middle of cutting a priceless diamond. He soughed in relief, mentally reminding himself to check in the bathroom later and see if there was any sanitizer he could spray on them._

* * *

Oh, there was a bathroom? Then why didn't he just take a bath? Would Mew be unable to come in while he's bathing? Uh, Arceus, you don't normally wear clothes.

So, Arceus wants to go to sleep after the utter torture he's been through, but the EVIL Mew isn't finished with him yet.

* * *

_Arceus rolled his eyes in a frustrated manner, his anger dissipating since Mew had seemed unfazed by it. Instead he got up, as if contemplating on walking away, and, with a fatigued tone that fit a hopeless case, muttered, "I want to sleep, if you really must know."_

_"But it's only nine in the morning!" she suddenly retorted, her voice filled with its own hints of dissatisfaction. He stopped in place, cringing slightly since he knew she wouldn't've dropped the subject that easily, though he kept a face of reckoning as he turned his head to look at her. She was glaring at him with narrowed eyes, as if unimpressed that a God Pokemon could even give into his or her tiredness, despite that her expression then contorted into a look of bewilderment. "Or…is it nine at night…?" she wondered, placing her paw to her chin as she blinked in curiosity, confusing herself._

_Arceus rolled his eyes again. It had been nine in the morning when she arrived at the Hall of Legends to stay with him, and, to her, time was always irrelevant, which was why she was clueless on telling it. "It's the afternoon, Mew," he simply scolded, narrowed eyes glancing towards the clock that hung on the wall behind the pink Legendary – the clock in which she was apparently oblivious to._

_Mew snorted as she crossed her arms over her chest, raising her head as if she was a snooty person who had just been offended – a look quite ironic when her spunky behavior was considered. "Fine," she replied, short and firm, "it's nine in the afternoon then."_

* * *

Ooh! Did you see that! A Title Drop!

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.

* * *

_"How about some music?"_

_Arceus' face fell into one of bewilderment. "What?"_

_"Music!" she answered, laughing as if liking her idea more and more every second. She twirled around his face, his eyes following her when she was in view, though he now displayed incomprehension as his aching head struggled to define her words – and what she was implying they should do in spite of them._

* * *

Oh great, now there's gonna be a song in this?

* * *

_She didn't emit a following answer, as, after circling around his face a few more times to where he felt slightly dizzy, she floated off towards the room's TV, which had been moved to the corner after their viewing of Cloverfield. Ironically, behind the manmade device, there was another human contraption – a large stereo system that had been given to the Legendaries through Jirachi's wish-granting ability (and Arceus somehow knew that it had been Raikou who had convinced the star Legendary to fulfill such a need). The system sat on a large black table, each one of its shelves filled with stacked CDs that had been collected by the other Legendaries over time, including Darkrai's gothic rock bands, to Suicune's alternative. Arceus even had a few orchestra albums in the middle of the collection that had been brought to him as gifts, though he rarely listened to them due to his disagreement with loud sounds produced by any manmade group whatsoever._

* * *

What is with all the technology?! Do you really think Pokemon need all this human junk?!

* * *

_Arceus dropped his head. Why? Just…why?_

* * *

That's the same question I've been asking myself! It's actually funny, me and Arceus have been in agreement throughout the entire Fanfic! Speaking of which, this story seems to last for an eternity! And it just keeps getting worse and worse!

* * *

_Though, when the music actually started, its electroniclike tune surging through the air of the Hall at a loud rate, Arceus just groaned altogether._

_Meanwhile, Mew squealed in excitement, landing on top of the stereo system as she began to dance. She brought her eyes to Arceus, then calling out over the stentorian music, "Come on, Arceus! Let's dance! It's a great way to wake up!"_

_Arceus only rose his narrowed gaze to her, though she was too preoccupied with dancing to notice his obvious aggravation. "Mew!" he yelled out, his frustration getting the best of him as he longed for his headache to go away, in which the loud music wasn't helping with this task. "Turn it down!"_

_Mew didn't seem to hear him as she continued to move her body to the music._

_Arceus snarled, infuriated. "MEW!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, hoping that Mew would hear him – otherwise he might just lose it. "TURN THAT RACKET DOWN!"_

_To him, the music was everything but music – nowhere near the melodic tune the sounds of nature could bring to one's ears. Of course, Mew paid no attention this, still dancing on top of the stereo system._

_Arceus was ready to roar and blow everything in front of him away to oblivion. However, he didn't follow through on that, but instead began to walk forward, straining in doing so as if the music was loud enough to push him back. _

* * *

Now he's making a _Rescuers Down Under _reference! What's up with these obscure children's entertainment references! It's not like they're funny or clever or anything.

* * *

_To his small relief, he eventually reached the music-playing machine, jabbing his hoof forward and hitting the 'stop' button, which caused the song to abruptly pause, the air to go dead silent, and Mew to stumble over herself, having been heedless to the God Pokemon's movements. She tripped over her footing, falling off of the machine and landing on the tiled floor with a small plop. She moaned in slight discomfort, rubbing her backside since she had broke her fall with it, and in the middle of it all rose her head to eye Arceus with curious eyes._

_She met his furious gaze._

_And gulped._

_"W-what?" she asked, shivering in fright, Arceus' deadly glare so intimidating that she had lost all sense of firmness – and fun, for that matter. "Y-you don't l-l-like it?"_

* * *

_BOOOOOOOM!_

**THE END!**

No, no, no, no. That's not the real ending, but I wish it was!

* * *

_Arceus snorted, knowing that she was playing dumb simply because she was already aware that he hated human music – though she had forgotten this in the midst of her craving to dance to a catchy tune. He continued to growl as he stepped back, allowing her to get up and float upwards until she was right in front of his face. "I don't like that screeching humans dare call 'music'," he reminded her, tone strict and scolding. "Not that 'rock', not that 'metal', not that 'punk', not that 'emo', not that 'screamo', not that 'electronica', and most definitely not that 'hip hop'!"_

* * *

Finally! He did something right!

* * *

_Mew cringed, mentally noting that Arceus must've learned the various genres of music through conversations between the other Legendaries. This didn't ease any exhaustion however; it only seemed to make the God Pokemon angrier. She swallowed the stinging lump in her throat, trying to revert her eyes away from his._

_At the sight of her saddened state, Arceus found himself faltering. His visible hatred gave into a look of guilt, as if he had just realized what he had done – how he had screamed at her with such harshness that it looked like he was the devil rather than God. Slowly, he stepped back, sighing heavily in the process, mentally cussing himself out for being so strict. Sure he was tired, and sure he hated human music, but none of his pet peeves were worth seeing Mew disheartened, as he had figured before when she had first arrived at the Hall of Legends, looking for a place to stay. He calmed himself down, his voice now soft, though still firm, as if belonging to an expecting father who felt sinful for scolding his innocent child. "It's okay…Mew…"_

* * *

What the-?

* * *

_Mew rose her eyes, which were slightly glossy, obviously surprised by his sudden change of heart. He turned his golden eyes to the floor as she remained silent, feeling no comfort, which was why his voice then followed with: "You can listen to music…just something not so loud."_

* * *

_(Keldeo stomped the ground)_

Okay, this story should be called _How To Turn a Kid Into a Brat._ Mew is no way in any world, an innocent child! She's a brat who always gets whatever she wants! If a person in real life acted like this with their child, the news would be all over them, telling them that they're spoiling their child!

Oh, and check this out from _earlier_ in this chapter!

* * *

_In the midst of this uneventful moment, Arceus' brows came together as he pondered for what would happen if he did leave Mew alone. Would she wreak havoc all over the place among the act of finding entertainment? Or - Arceus smiled as this positive possibility of his absence swept through his mind, igniting every inch of his relief - or would she, perhaps, leave the Hall in search of fun elsewhere? The God Pokemon couldn't help but twitch the ends of his lips into a small smile. It was obvious that Mew would do this, as she was envious for fun, mostly staying with Arceus because his company ensured some sort of satisfaction while Mewtwo and Deoxys finished whatever they had been doing in their cavern home. But…with him gone…she would have to go to a different place – maybe Celebi's – in order to be amused. This plan made so much sense that Arceus was ready to smack himself in the forehead for not thinking of it earlier -_

_"Wait, Arceus!"_

_- or around a time where Mew didn't have the ability to throw it all off and flush it down the toilet._

* * *

No! It's not flushed down the toilet! Just pick Mew up, fly to Celebi's place, and drop her off there! Nothing stopping you! Why is Arceus such an idiot?

* * *

_As if those were the direct words needed to make her feel happy again, the catlike Legendary squealed, regaining her look of pure glee. Arceus sighed again, despite that he forced himself to not give into his urge to smile at the happy expression upon Mew's face. _

* * *

I thought he forgot how to smile? I thought he forgot what smiling was? I thought he forgot what it was called?

_(Keldeo sighed)_

So Muffy Crosswire, I mean Diamond Tiara, I mean Gen Stone, I mean Princess Elise, I mean _Mew_ puts on some music by "Arbok Starship", ha-ha. It turns out to be the song in the Chapter Title, _The City is at War._

* * *

_Then the music began to play – a poplike song that talked about how a city was at some sort of war._

_Arceus quirked his eyebrow, though he still appeared annoyed. However, this lightened slightly when Mew landed in front of him, directing her arms to the side as she then asked, "Wanna dance?"_

* * *

_(Keldeo moaned)_

No. . .

* * *

_"Will it make you happy?" he muttered, deciding not to say 'yes' altogether just for the sole purpose of avoiding sounding tender._

_Mew grinned. "Yes."_

_Arceus narrowed his eyes, though he then nodded, slow and reluctant._

* * *

Oh my gosh, it's like that Twilight Zone episode, "It's A Good Life!" What, is Mew gonna send Arceus to the cornfield if he makes her cry?

_Mew: You're a bad Pokemon! You're a very bad Pokemon! And you keep thinking bad thoughts about me!_

_Arceus: Not a jack-in-the box. __Not a jack-in-the box. __Not a jack-in-the box. __Not a jack-in-the box. NO!_

So, Mew teaches Arceus to dance. . .I cannot believe I just said that.

* * *

_As if on cue, Mew squealed, twirling around him while Arceus began to regret his choice. Of course, he didn't have time to think about it before Mew grabbed one of his front hooves and pulled him forward until he was right beside her. Then, she took her place next to him, placing her paws in front of her as the music continued to play behind them. "Follow what I do," she told him, and he grunted, still sounding reluctant, hoping that all of this wouldn't be as disastrous as his thoughts were predicting it would be. She smiled as she pointed her paw forward, starting the dance routine._

_He followed her command, keeping a strict expression as he did the same with his hoof._

_She nodded, chuckling slightly before bringing her paw back, and then sticking out the opposite one._

_He mimicked, despite how much he didn't want to._

_She pulled her paw back in, bringing them both to rest at her sides as she rocked her head to the left, taking one step that way to match._

_He inspected her with narrowed eyes, though he soon followed, finding it a little hard since he was a quadruped._

_Humming with acceptance, she twirled around in a circle._

_He followed._

_However, as Arceus danced with Mew, or what he thought was dancing, he found his brows slowly rising, his frown dissipating into a curious line as a strange feeling filled his gut._

_What he was doing…_

_…it was actually sort of…_

_…fun._

_Before he could realize it, he had smiled, dancing with Mew, and displaying satisfaction in the midst of it all. Noticing this, Mew grinned in glee, turning to him so they could dance while facing each other, which was when she added a shaking of the shoulders to the equation of movement they had both invented. Arceus' smile grew slightly larger as he followed, moving in synch with her to the music – which, actually, when he thought about it, wasn't that bad._

* * *

Okay, Arceus is happy, he finally learned how to smile again, but Mew is still such a manipulator. All she does is act cute and sad like a little puppy dog, and she can get out of any punishment or discipline. And Arceus is following along with it like a dope.

* * *

_Soon after, both him and Mew were dancing like participators in a club's disco room._

* * *

What a description!

* * *

_Mew twirled around, performing the 'robot' style of dance, while Arceus grinned and mirrored her._

* * *

Arceus is doing the robot?

* * *

_ They pulled back, in the process laughing as if they didn't have a care in the world, still dancing in synch with both the music and each other, appearing as if they had been doing so for years. Soon enough, Arceus found himself able to sing along with the song entirely, memorizing its lyrics as it played continuously on the stereo system, and because of this he and Mew had begun to mouth the words as they emitted from the said machine, laughing in the process._

* * *

Arceus is _singing_?

* * *

_ Needless to say, the God Pokemon easily fit the description of an engorged fan at a rock concert._

_He never remembered ever having so much fun!_

_Eventually, Mew and Arceus found themselves lying on their backs upon the tiled floor, breathing heavily from all the dancing they had done. The song continued to play in the background, but Arceus didn't mind – he liked it! _

* * *

Oh my gosh, this is the ending to _1984!_

_Everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Mew._

* * *

_"You know," Mew began once she had somewhat escaped from her laughing spree, "in the music video to this song, the band members were killing people by throwing pies at them."_

* * *

Okay, that was a totally random fact. . .

* * *

_Arceus freed himself from his cachinnation, and despite the fact that the music had helped aid him in taking his mind off of his hectic life, he couldn't help but find such a theme somewhat...childish. "Pies?" he scoffed, rolling his eyes. "How barbaric can you ge-"_

_He was cut off when something cold and gooey slammed into his face, the white substance sliding down his cheek, sticking to his fur, and filling his nose with the smell of banana cream. He turned his eyes downward when he heard the leftovers plop on the tile below, and put on a face of bewilderment when he noticed the familiar aluminum bin that usually held…_

_…a pie?_

* * *

Oh, you are not serious.

* * *

_Confused, he turned his head in Mew's direction, in which the thrown pie had come from. His eyes widened when he noticed that she was smirking at him – behind her a stack of at least thirty banana cream pies, which hadn't been there seconds ago and therefore he immediately asked, "Mew, where'd you get those-"_

_A pie to the face._

_He growled slightly as he rubbed off the squishy material, now glaring at Mew, who was giggling at the sight of pie innards tangled with his facial fur. This aggravated him more, though he only hissed, "You didn't steal those from a bakery, did you-"_

_Another pie to the face._

_"Damn it, Mew-"_

_Another pie._

_"If you don't-"_

_Another pie._

_"I swear I am going to-"_

_Another pie._

_"If you stole those-"_

* * *

I'll bet she did! I really bet she did! Since, you know, you didn't discipline her at all when she stole at that candy! Seriously, do you need me fanfic, cause you literally just proved the point I made in Chapter 2!

And why is she doing this? Because of the music? Yeah, that's a valid excuse!

_"Why did you jump off that bridge! You could've died when you fell into the water!"_

_"Well, I was listening to my MP3 player, and then 'I Beleive I Can Fly' by R. Kelly came on!"_

* * *

_Of course, she suddenly regretted this when Arceus burst out of the piles of pies he had been trapped underneath, glaring at Mew with pure hatred drenching his narrowed eyes. He breathed heavily in a hulky manner, towering over Mew like a monster who gazed down upon its victim before consuming them. Mew squeaked, backing away, nearly tipping over a stack of pies when her back pushed against it. No longer did his pie-covered countenance amuse her, as it now only reminded her of a nightmare she had had one night after eating every chocolaty Swiss role in the Hall's kitchen. She contemplated on getting on her knees, begging for forgiveness and telling him that she had just been caught in the spur of the moment, and had gotten the pies from the Hall's kitchen's fridge, which had been filled with them since Entei liked to bake in his free time._

* * *

Oh, well that's a relief. She didn't steal them. But have you noticed a pattern here? Mew misbehaves, senses punishment, tries to act all cute and sorry as she begs for forgiveness, and then Arceus lets her off the hook. Doesn't the author realize how repetitive this is getting? Can't he mix it up a bit?

* * *

_However, she soon felt a gooey substance slam into the side of her face, and upon recognizing the substance's feel and smell, she opened her eyes and licked some banana cream from the edge of her lip. Confused, she turned to Arceus, who was looking at her, eyes still narrowed, though a smirk had replaced his frown._

_And a pie balanced itself on the edge of his raised hoof._

* * *

_(Keldeo threw up his hooves)_

You know what? With all the random stuff in this story, this really is the next logical step.

So they have their pie throwing fight, and the room is a huge mess!

* * *

_"So…we should probably clean this up, huh?"_

_"We do have to clean," he muttered in a deadpan tone, eyes closed as if lecturing. Mew sighed in discontent, oblivious to how Arceus opened one eye, a smile following as he then added, "But who says we can't be entertained while doing so?"_

_Mew blinked in bewilderment, turning her head to look at him as he made his way across the pie-covered flooring and over to the stereo machine, which had been turned off in the midst of their pie fight. He hit the 'play' button, and "The City is at War" began to emit from the speakers, bringing Mew to grin in glee, floating towards Arceus as he turned to face her with a smirk._

_Then, moving their bodies slightly to the rhythm, they began to clean._

* * *

So, it looks like Mew has taught Arceus how to have fun!

And by fun, I mean:

_Mew:** F** is for friends who do stuff together!** U** is for you and me!** N** for no rules and no restraint at all! In the Hall of Legendaries!_

_Arceus: **F** is for finding a time and place for everything!_ _**U** is for understanding consequences! __**N **is for not going overboard! When you're-_

_Mew: Arceus! That's not what fun is all about! Do it like this! **F **is for friends who-_

_Arceus: Never! That's gluttony and danger!_

_Mew: Here! Let me help you!_

_(Mew starts throwing pies at Arceus)_

_Mew:** F** is for friends who do stuff together!** U** is for you and me! Try it!_

_(Arceus throws pies back at Mew)_

_Arceus: **N ** is for no rules and no restraint at all!_

_Mew: In the Hall of Legendaries!_

_Arceus: I don't understand this. I feel so reckless and irresponsible! Should we stop?_

_Mew: No! That's how you're supposed to feel!_

_Arceus: Well I like it! Let's do it again!_

_Mew: Okay!_

_Both:_ _**F **is for frolic through all the pie tins! **U **is for under the radar! **N **is for nonsense, craziness, and excess here with my best buddy!_**  
**

And I believe that sums it up! But I wouldn't really compare Mew to Spongebob. I'd say she's more like the Borg of fun.

* * *

_**To Be Continued**_

_...yes, in the music video for "The City is at War", they really were throwing pies at people. xD_

_Anyway, the next chapter, should have the cooking scene and other stuff._

* * *

Did the author just give us a spoiler? Well I'm too overwhelmed by all the chaos in this story to care. Well, I guess we'll see the worlds zaniest cooking show next time. Right now, I need to take a nap. I feel exhausted after reading this for some reason.

_(Keldeo yawned)_

See you later.

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	37. Comedy Skit 2

Mew floated happily through the forest, humming to herself, when all of a sudden there was a pink flash in front of her.

mew squeaked in fear as she stopped and covered her eyes. She slowly opened them, and she saw a round pink portal before her. Mew stared open mouthed as a pink pony wearing a black sweater, and skull cap, and orange night vision goggles stepped out towards her.

The pony stood still for a moment, and then, she started jumping around and singing:

_We are the Fun Borg, lower your shields,_

_and surrender your stuffiness!_

_We will add all your skills and techs,_

_to our own fun-ness!_

_Your culture will adapt to have more fun,_

_Resistance is futile!_

_Existence as you know it is over now,_

_from now on you will smile!_

_Fun Borg! So fun and crazy!_

_Fun Borg! So fun and hasty!_

_Fun Borg!_

_Fun Borg! Fun Borg! FUN BORG!_

The pink pony then shot a beam of pink light from an emitter on her goggles. It hit Mew square in the forehead. As Mew stumbled back, looking dazed, the pony back-flipped into the portal, which vanished with a flash.

Mew shook her head and rubbed her eyes. She looked around and said, "That's funny. . ." she then cracked a huge smile and said, "I have the unstoppable urge to make Arceus smile! Even if it mean throwing a ton of pies at him!"

And with that, Mew flew off, humming an infectious tune that seemed to have popped right into her head.


	38. Nine in the Afternoon- Chapters 5 and 6

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Nine in the Afternoon by Glory For Sleep**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

Hi there. I am really confused and freaked out right now. You see, I slept on this fanfic, figuratively of course, and I realized that I'm starting to not just like it, but _love__ it_. Seriously, this fanfic is getting really good.

Okay, so Arceus and Mew have cleaned everything up, and Arceus is also getting confused and freaked out due to the identity crisis he's having.

* * *

_He had acted childish, tolerant, and easy-going; any of the traits that matched the personality of a being who didn't have a care in the world and always stuck important responsibilities at the bottom of their priority lists. He had broken the one main rule associated with theomorphic individuals, which involved elegant postures and stoic behaviors – things that made an arch entity an arch entity; life-builders who wrote Destiny and Fate and configured the universe from when it was still a monad atom waiting to surge its possibilities across the vast, empty, black space that it had been placed in._

_But…no…_

_Instead, his recent acts had disgraced such an occupation, contradicting his earlier statements created back when he was so dedicated to living up to the praises given to him by mortal beings that his life seemed to be based entirely on a book of laws made especially for the Legendaries – like the Gods' remake of the Twelve Tables._

_However, as he stared at his reflection, even cocking his head slightly to admire the way his gold eyes looked brighter now, as if having been liberated from something, the God Pokemon's face fell into a contemplating one. He had never felt this way before; he had never once hesitated to scold himself after following through on an immature act such as dancing to music and being a target in a pie fight. For some reason, he found himself incapable to do so – thinking over his recent behavior, muttering lecturing insults to himself, and then reminding his confused head on how it would never happen again, because acts as those just done by his very hooves were oxymoronic to be done by the leader of the Legendary council. His job required him to be serious; there was no room in his schedule for laughter or games – mistakes and regrets; stuff that could drive his consistency of a sovereign aegis to fall back behind track. His stress was only part of it and therefore a simple grain of salt jabbed into the wound of divinity he would have to cope with._

_So why was he now having second thoughts? Why, for once, back during his out-of-character dance session with Mew and the childish acts that followed, he did not scold himself for giving into the catlike being's requests? Why wasn't he regretting doing such things? Why did the reminder that he was a god and gods were supposed to be dedicated to work and only work and all the stuff that came with it fail to flash through his mind? Why did he…not care? Why did he…not worry? Why did he…_

_…feel so free?_

* * *

_(Keldeo blinked and smacked his forehead)_

Wow, I'm actually invested in Arceus right now! I actually care about him! Is it because we're diving into his inner psyche? Is it because he's starting to change a bit? Or maybe it's because we're taking a break from all the chaos. We're taking a step back and taking a good look at all of this to see what it really means.

Well, break is over. Mew's hungry!

* * *

_"You just vomited all over my hooves a while ago, Mew."_

_"Yeah…I know," she replied bashfully, rubbing the back of her head, a light tint of red crossing the skin beneath her pink facial fur. "But…it's just that…" She grinned again. "…all that pie we just cleaned up…it's made me hungry."_

_Arceus wanted to roll his eyes at how amazingly fast Mew recovered from a stomach upchuck, but held it in as he decided to emit the most obvious conclusion to Mew's predicament: "Then go find something to nourish your hunger with."_

_Mew placed her paw to her chin, adding a thoughtful look to her eyes, then stating, "That's just it…" She returned her gaze to him, her tone light with curiosity. "I don't know what to eat…"_

_Arceus arched an eyebrow, though kept an unimpressed look among his gaze as he closed his eyes to let out another deep sigh._

_"Can you cook me something?"_

_His eyes shot open, his tone and expression reflecting confoundedness. "What?"_

* * *

You know, Arceus. After all you went through today, boiling a pot of ramen doesn't seem that bad.

* * *

_"Please, Arceus!" Mew pleaded, placing her paws together in a begging manner as she floated closer to his face, kneeling before his widened gaze. She allowed her eyes to grow bigger than they normally were with misfortune,_

* * *

Oh! We're in _Littlest Pet Shop_ territory again!

* * *

_ and Arceus had to step back before she started to worship him like a hopeless case turning to religion for a solution. However, even then she continued to stare at him with a puppy-dog look – that look in which he failed horribly when it came to ignoring it. He found his breath getting hitched in his throat as he took another step back, Mew only proceeding to follow and grow closer, and though he wanted to smile at how adorable her countenance appeared right now, the mere horror behind the request she was hoping he, of all beings, would fulfill was overtaking his mind and driving him to gasp out any alternative in existence that would help him evade in contributing to…cooking._

_Because he had the cooking skills of a twig._

* * *

_(Keldeo face hooves)_

So this super amazing powerful Pokemon who's supposed to know everything can't cook? Really?

Well, apparently Rayquaza ate everything in the kitchen, so Arceus has no choice.

* * *

_"Please, Arceus!" Mew suddenly gasped, lunging forward again to beg. "I mean, you're God, right? You can do anything! Please feed me; I'm starvin'!"_

* * *

No he's not God! The fact that he can't cook confirms that! I mean, if Jesus turned water into good wine, I'm pretty sure that means He's a good cook. Imagine Arceus trying that.

_Arceus looked down at the barrel of water. He lifted a hoof and tapped the barrel three times-_

_KABOOOOOM!_

Yeah. . .definitely not God. You know, I love how the author shows us how Arceus is absolutely not divine. I like that a lot. No sarcasm whatsoever, that's and added plus to me.

But wait, can't Arceus just make a sandwich or cereal?

* * *

_Arceus allowed his eyes to wander over his surroundings, wondering how he was going to do this without making the world explode and killing thousands of puppies in the process. Then again, when he thought about it, maybe he could just fix her a bowl of cereal or something simple that didn't require flammable surfaces to prepare, and in result make this part of his life a whole lot easier-_

* * *

Again we're on the same wavelength! This is starting to get weird.

* * *

_"I want spaghetti."_

_…oy._

* * *

_(Keldeo shrugged)_

Okay, that's not that bad. He can boil water, can't he?

* * *

_Arceus turned his head to Mew, who was now grinning, rocking in her seat as if jumpy and impatient to taste whatever the great ruler of the gods managed to conjure in the form of angel hair noodles, marinara sauce, and large meatballs that rivaled oversized jawbreakers. He couldn't even begin to imagine what horrors lie ahead, but he knew he couldn't say no to her request, and he also knew that there was no getting out of this without pulling through on his word of cooking material nourishment; so he was screwed no matter which pill he swallowed. _

* * *

You know, I think I just realized the exact genre of this fanifc. Mock-heroic. Like the _Nun's Priest Tale _from _Canterbury Tales _by Chaucer. Something as mundane as cooking is made into a big deal. That's pretty clever.

* * *

_Of course, just for the sake of it, he asked, "Mew, can't you suggest something that's within my power to conjure?"_

_"Speak Pokemon."_

* * *

Uh, that's wan;t hard to understand. Even I could do better than that, watch!

_Arceus: "Mew, is it in probable possible ability for you to petition a culinary creation that I could compile and conjure for you to devour for your __gastronomical enjoyment?"_

_Mew: . . . . . . . . . . .SAVE ME WORD GIRL!_

* * *

_Arceus growled at her joke, but nonetheless heeded her words and spoke in a more understandable format. "Can't you eat something that's not so…tedious…to make?"_

_Mew cocked her head at his words. "Why? What's wrong with spaghetti?"_

* * *

Yeah, what _is _wrong with it? It doesn't sound _that_ hard.

So, Arceus is in Entei's kitchen. Yeah, remember, Entei likes to , after getting the pot ready, Arceus opens a cabinet.

* * *

_Arceus only had a second to squeak in surprise as a sea of ingredients and spices rained down on him, enshrouding him and causing him to flail backward to where he fell over, the cupboard's contents now hiding him away behind a pile of pepper, paprika, garlic powder, and all the other seasonings Entei had somehow crammed into one place. He coughed as he poked his head out of the pile, hacking out a handheld canister of chives that had lodged itself underneath his tongue._

* * *

Yeah, like we didn't see this coming.

* * *

_It was silent after that, though Mew's laughter suddenly broke free from her mouth, and therefore Arceus could only glare at the catlike Legendary as she attempted to muffle her cachinnation with her paws._

_"Do you need some help?" Mew managed to choke out between her giggles, floating over as she fixed the floors in the cupboard and began to place the spices back in their rightful places. Arceus grunted and then rose, seasonings falling from him like droplets of water as if he had just gotten out of a pool._

_"This is why I don't cook," he muttered, his tone somewhat snarlish. "I don't have fingers." He raised his front hooves as if to display them. "I'm minus fingers."_

* * *

That's not excuse, Arceus! Mr and Mrs. Cake get along just fine at Sugarcube Corner!

So Arceus is cooking the meat sauce and-

* * *

_He hummed, grabbing the salt, then walking over and tapping some lightly into the sauce._

_That is, until the lid to the canister fell off and into the pot._

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_

* * *

_Arceus froze as the yellow top to the salt canister popped off and dived into the meat sauce, bringing with it cupfuls of salt due to the fact there was no longer a barricade to hold it all back. The God Pokemon squeaked, snapping his head backward to avoid adding more, but only wound up tripping over his own hooves and falling flat-face onto the tiled flooring._

_Meanwhile, Mew broke out into laughter…again._

* * *

Ha-ha-ha! He just ruined my dinner with all that salt! Ha-ha-ha!

* * *

_"In Alpha and Omega's name," the qilinlike being cursed. He raised his face from the ground, slowly returning to his feet, hoping that all of this would be worth it in the end. He glared at Mew, who only continued to laugh, though she soon stopped her cachinnation when she suddenly heard a popping sound, turning her attention to the pot cooking the meat sauce, in which the flame underneath had been turned all the way up by accident for when Arceus had flailed his hooves in the midst of tripping and spilling salt all over the place._

_She allowed an expression of anxiousness to show across her face. "Um…Arceus?"_

_Arceus ignored her, figuring her words to be just another tease thrown his way. Because of this, he neglected her warning tone as he tended to the salt sprawled across the floor._

_"Arceus?"_

_"Not now, Mew," he hissed, eyes narrowed._

_"But…Arceus?"_

_"Not. Now."_

_"But…but-"_

_"What?" _

_"HIT THE DECK!"_

_And, Arceus, turning around to face the cooking pot since Mew had motioned at it, had no time to dodge himself._

_The contents inside exploded, splattering red, gory meat sauce all over the kitchen, and all over Arceus._

* * *

_(Keldeo thought for a moment)_

Let's see, in one day, Arceus has been covered in vomit, pies, and now meat sauce. It's like I'm watching an episode of _Super Sloppy Double Dare _on Nick. Fun fact: Mark Summers had OCD!

* * *

_"So…erm…red looks good on you?"_

_Arceus only glared at Mew as she floated before him, eyes examining his meat sauce-covered figure before shifting to examine the crimson room, meat bits sliding down the walls, red splotches of mashed tomatoes dripping from the ceiling. The cooking meat sauce had exploded from the strong amplification of heat, and possibly a chemical reaction caused by Arceus' added spices and a strong amount of salt, which sounded idiotic but strangely made sense to the mind of the alpha Pokemon, because he was God; he could do anything._

* * *

Uh, no. That _was_ idiotic. And you clearly are not God if you A: Can't predict that a pot of sauce is gonna boil over, and B: CAN'T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!

* * *

_When one looked closely, a tint of pink could be seen meshed in with his usual color, and such a thing only made Arceus want to roar, kill, and send an asteroid hurtling towards a city for the sake of the satisfying destruction…_

_…okay, now he was really starting to lose it._

_"Hey, least you got pink fur like me!" Mew laughed in exaggerated joy, moving closer to examine the God Pokemon's pinkish hue. _

* * *

Now he's referencing the pink Celestia toy! What's with all the weird cartoon references? Are they all coincidences? Or maybe I've just been watching too many cartoons?

* * *

_She put on a warm smile as she floated towards Arceus' depressed face, his eyes only rising to meets hers, and that's when she hugged him gently, snuggling her snout into his. He blushed, showing surprise, but soon smiled, feeling relieved as he closed his eyes in relaxation and returned the loving embrace, glad that he was able to make her happy regardless of the outcome of his attempt to cook spaghetti. "Thank you, Arceus…" she cooed before pulling away, meeting his warm gaze that vanquished any anger that had been haunting his countenance._

_Blushing slightly, she reverted her eyes away from his, now transfixing them onto the ground, rubbing the back of her head in a bashful manner. However, her eyebrows soon rose when she examined the meat sauce that covered the floor – as well as everything else – and, blinking a few times before shrugging, she slowly reached her paw forward, scooped up some of the sauce, and licked it._

_Her face lit up._

_"This is the best meat sauce I've ever tasted!" she squealed, reaching down for more. Arceus' eyes widened in shock at her statements, while she only brought up another pawful of the sauce, smearing some on his lips so he would have to taste it himself. Grunting slightly in disbelief, he did just that, and soon found his own eyebrows rising in realization that she was right._

_It was good._

* * *

So. . .exploding apparently makes sauce taste better?

_(Keldeo shrugged)_

Aw, what the heck! You could drop a chocolate fudge cake and it would still taste good. But wait, Arceus _can _cook? What, did he just never try cooking? Well, I guess anyone _can_ cook! Wait, now the author's referencing _Ratatouille! _What's up with this fanfic?

* * *

_However, even then he couldn't help but frown. "Mew, you do know that we need to clean up this mess, right?"_

_Mew looked at him with wide eyes and a mouthful of meat sauce, slowly gulping it down as she lowered her eyes to the ground. "Yeah," she then replied, sounding as if she was loathing such an idea, and Arceus only hummed._

_And then he smiled._

_He reached for the banister in the sink that held the clean and therefore still-edible noodles inside (its sink entrapment had saved it from getting hit with anything), and walked over to grab two plates from the china cabinet across the kitchen, then placing them both on the counter to where Mew could gaze at them with bewilderment, soon smiling herself when his following words came out with a soft laugh:_

_"Then we can at least do so the right way."_

* * *

That's right! They eat the sauce off the walls!

. . .well, okay, to be fair, the walls were clean, and they actually scrape the sauce off and put it on the pasta, so I guess it's not as gross as it sounds. But don't try this at home, kids!

Well, it's 9 at night, like the chapter title says, and it's time for bed.

* * *

_ "Um, Arceus?"_

_The God Pokemon turned to her, his expression emotionless as thoughts brought him to display a distant look. "Yes, Mew?"_

_"Can I…um…?"_

_"What?"_

_"…stay with you for the night?"_

_Arceus' face fell…again._

_"I don't know if Mewtwo and Deoxys are doing do it!" Mew hesitated, bringing her paws to her face to amplify the horror of it all._

* * *

Oh yeah. . .that plot point.

And you know, I'm not sure why that got me so angry when I first read it. Maybe it was because Mew and Deoxys weren't married? But they aren't humans, so maybe they don't need to? I'm not sure if it was just because Mew saw it, but. . .Gah, skip it!

So, Arceus lets Mew stay at the Hall. But he's overlooking something.

* * *

_"Why are you following me?"_

_"I'm sleeping with you, remember?"_

_Arceus grimaced, his expression displaying slight confoundedness. She wanted to sleep in the same room as him? If she was hyper the way she was when she was awake, he didn't want to know what her dreams tended to do to her sleeping figure. "Mew, I said you could sleep in the Hall of Legends; not with me exactly."_

_"But sleeping by myself is boring!" Mew moaned, her disappointed tone lingering, and Arceus shuddered at the sound as if it was his kryptonite. "Please, Arceus!" she then begged, placing her paws together, and the God Pokemon felt his muscles tense up in response as she began her infamous, irresistible puppy-dog plead._

_This is crossing the line! his conscious roared into his face. Just. Say. No._

_"Pretty please, Arceus!"_

_It's not a hard word to say; it's only one syllable – so get your tongue moving and say it!_

_"I'll promise I'll be quiet!"_

_What is wrong with you? Why can't you say no? What is wrong with your mind that it can't comprehend the glorious wonders that tend to come with the valor to say no?_

_"Please, Arceus! I don't wanna sleep alone!"_

_You're disgracing the status of a god. Just say no!_

_"Arceus…?"_

_Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. Say it. I'm your conscious – the little voice inside your head that tells you when something's not right. You're supposed to listen to me, so listen to me!_

_"I really don't want to sleep alone…"_

_Why are you giving into her cuteness? You're stronger than this!_

_"Please…"_

_Arceus finally gave in. "Okay. Okay!" he snapped._

_…You pansy._

_Mew squealed in delight. "Thank you Arceus! You're the coolest Pokemon in the world!"_

_Arceus only grunted, then turning around to lead the way to the back dormitories, hoping all in the while that Mew would keep her word about not being trouble._

* * *

Was there ever any doubt he'd say no?

* * *

_"I can't go to sleep without a story," she explained, smile big. "Deoxys always tells me stories about her and her brother before I go to bed. Surely you have epic tales, right?"_

* * *

Well this should be interesting. I mean, come on! Arceus must have seen everything in the world! He's gotta have a good story!

* * *

_Arceus frowned, wondering where to begin, and how he would go on from there. Why couldn't he just say no to her? Why couldn't he listen to his conscious? "Uh…once upon a time…" he began, eyes scanning the room as if to help think of a story plot. "…there was a forest…of Pokemon…"_

_His catlike observer leaned forward, face full of exaggerated anticipation, and so he continued with a faint gulp._

_"This forest was…uh…a happy forest…and the Pokemon who lived in it…were happy too…"_

_Wow, he sucked at this._

* * *

_(Keldeo chuckled)_

Wow. Okay, he sounds like Jeff Goldblum on one of his better days.

_The uh - uh forest, FOR-est, was -uh- happy and full OF PokeMON- Pokemon who uh were happy- hapPY!_

* * *

_Clearing his throat, as if trying to sound professional, he continued. "This forest was peaceful and a great home for all the Pokemon – not only because of its heavenly habitats and contagious hospitality – but also because it was guarded by a…uh…a caring Pokemon._

_"This caring Pokemon was nice, and he always listened to the other Pokemon that resided in the forest, serving as their help for when they were in need or were experiencing a tough time in which only guidance could help them escape." He paused, thinking over recent events, and hummed slightly, as if finally getting the hang of it. "However, despite that he was a great leader, his daily job as such a caring guardian made his life…hectic…and stressful. And though he cared enough for the inhabitants of the forest to deal with such matters, he sometimes wished there was something out there that could make him smile for once."_

_Mew listened inquisitively, eyes bright with curiosity._

_"He honestly thought sometimes that even with being surrounded by happy Pokemon," Arceus continued, not noticing that his eyes had dimmed, his tone soft and slightly saddened as if what he was saying was personal, "he would never be happy; he would never be at ease." The God Pokemon's eyes brightened. "But, that's when she came."_

_Mew cocked her head. "Who? Who came?"_

_Arceus smiled. "A young Pokemon," he answered, calescence radiating from his eyes. "She was childish and outgoing, envious for fun and for others to be happy. When she saw the guardian Pokemon saddened with loneliness, she came over and spent time with him._

_"After that, they spent more and more days together, playing, having fun, just being best friends, and you know what happened?" He looked down at Mew._

_She slowly shook her head._

_"He felt happy; he felt at ease; he felt…" Arceus' eyes glistened. "…free."_

_Mew grinned, happy for the two fictional characters. However, she soon yawned, feeling tired, and as she watched Arceus finish his tale, she smiled softly, coming closer as recent events reran themselves through her head as well._

_"And, being allies for the rest of their years, the guardian and happy carefree Pokemon lived happily ever after."_

* * *

_(Keldeo sniffed and rubbed at his eyes)_

W-what? I'm not crying!

* * *

_Arceus hummed in approval, warm smile still present. Of course, when he heard a small snore and felt the warmth of another touch his side, he turned his head and looked downward to see Mew curled up beside him, her long tail wrapped around her folded form like felines tended to do when sleeping. Her expression was peaceful, showing satisfaction, and Arceus chuckled slightly in amusement._

_Mew had taught him something – that even archly beings had the right to be happy, and seriousness didn't have to have consistency. There was room in anyone's schedule for fun; for life; for relaxation, and he was grateful that Mew had managed to show him that through her carefree attitude. He felt like he had been let go from the imaginary shackles that had drove him to maintain a life of imperturbableness, allowing access to the beauteous world he had once thought he would never have time to fully enjoy._

_She had freed him._

_And it wasn't long before a soft snoring emitting from him signified that he had fallen asleep._

_-ooo-_

_A few hours into the night, Mew slowly shifted, opening one glowing eye to gaze at Arceus as he slept beside her, his face showing no conflict and instead pure satisfaction. She wanted to smile and hug him; wake him up and thank him for all the things he had done for her – but held it in as she instead rose slowly, making sure not to nudge him awake as she escaped from his affectionate hold and floated quietly towards the shadow-drenched door._

_Then, gazing at him lovingly one last time, she put on a determined face, nodded to herself, agreeing with her plan, and headed out the door and away from the Hall of Legends into the sleeping night._

* * *

Wait, where is Mew going? Huh. I guess we'll find out next chapter.

Okay last chapter! Chapter 6: Nirvana. . .wait, what? Hmmm, I guess after this long path, Arceus has found peace and purity? Huh! That actually fits! Okay, so the next morning, Arceus is, as Mike Wazowski would put it:

_Mike: . . .that slab that's hanging over the bed!_

* * *

_Snores emitted from Arceus' hanging jaw as he lay sprawled out across his bed in a very ungodly position. His hooves were in the air as he rested on his back, drool dribbling down from his opened lips as he smacked them together every now and then in the midst of dreaming, rolling to his side – only to go back to his prior position a split second after. He pawed at the air, mumbling out incoherent gurgles that sounded like a repeat of the archly rules all Legendaries needed to follow, and with the sole fact that they were sprouting from his lips in a drunken manner as he slept like an exhausted partier, not even the thought itself could take him seriously. He usually never slept like this, as even in his dormancy he would have to keep one eye open and his thoughts in motion in order to hold, in reach, the problems he would be forced to sustain the following morning._

_However, now he had no such things to worry about; thus, he gave into his tiredness altogether and let his fatigued body do what it wanted without having to maintain a consistent posture of serious elegance._

_And whether or not this was a good thing, the amusing sight itself was a reward all on its own._

* * *

You got that right.

And what is Arceus dreaming about?

* * *

_"Mew…" he cooed, sighing in relief at the sight of her moon-sized eyes and even larger grin. His hooves lowered from his head, folding in against his side as if he was embracing something, and the mere memory of Mew's plushlike pink fur inspired affection to deluge his chest and make his heart flutter around like a dopey teenager in love. His smile grew soft, his head burying itself into the pillow, his dream shape-shifting the cushion into Mew's cuddly body, which was why he gently caressed the headrest with his furry cheek. He let out another sigh of geniality, blushing slightly in the midst of it, rolling over one last time-_

_He fell off the bed._

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHH!_

And I want to address something. I don't think the romance tag fits. Their relationship seems more like father and daughter to me. The only romance in this story is, well, right here! And it's not really Arceus feeling romantic. It's the author saying this scene is romantic. Personally, I interpret it as a father dreaming about the daughter he just adopted the other day.

So, Arceus wakes up, and sees the Mew is no where to be found.

* * *

_Mew was gone._

_He didn't know why he felt so sad at the conclusion that he and Mew's day together was over; he would be able to see Mew every day if he wanted to, as they were Legendaries who coexisted with all the others. However, the fact that their deal as official 'best buddies' had ended was enough to depress him anyway. When she first got there at the start of the previous day, pleading for a place to stay while Mewtwo and Deoxys were doing whatever they were accused of doing, the following hours had been pure chaos. To Arceus, he had never felt more stressed out in his life, and having to watch and occupy Mew helped such a manner in no way shape or form. To Mew, she had seen the situation as a gateway to fun, ruining any chances Arceus had of maintaining sanity with her ideas of amusement and types of sugary alimentary that later provoked disgorged materials to cover the disgusted God Pokemon's hooves._

_While Mew spent the day being boisterous, Arceus spent it wishing he wasn't the creator of the universe._

_However, towards the end of the day, Mew had somehow made him see that life wasn't just work and stress; it was also fun and enjoyable. He had been blinded to such a concept due to the peer pressure of living up to the godly being everybody always expected him to be, and Mew had showed him that even Legendaries didn't have to be serious twenty-four-and-seven. He had believed that there was never any time for personal relaxation and the Legendaries who said otherwise were immature beings who didn't take their work seriously. Now, though, his views on the world had changed in one day – and all because of Mew; the Pokemon whom he had once deemed childish when she was really only living life to the fullest, not allowing her responsibilities to run her days like a cancer-inflicted human condemned to bed._

_Like he was._

* * *

Yeah, yeah, he misses her already. Alright, lets skip to where she comes back!

* * *

_Needless to say, Arceus had to calm himself down before he put on a childish grin and lunged forward to hug the said pink-furred being as she floated before him. "Mew!" he breathed, brightness returning to his eyes and posture – though once he realized how hyper he sounded, he let out a coarse cough to cover it up and quickly regained his proud composure. Just because he was happy to see her didn't mean he had to act like an idiot. "Mew," he repeated, keeping his tone firm this time, "where did you go?" He couldn't help but frown. "When I woke up, you weren't here…"_

_Mew raised her eyes from the tiled ground, meeting his gold gaze. He pulled back slightly at the tiredness that drowned her orbs with red, scrawny lines. Even her floating seemed frail, her long tail hanging limply as she kept her paws behind her back._

_Despite that he was thrilled that she had returned, Arceus displayed worry for her state, stepping forward slightly, trying to determine why she seemed so…_

_…tired._

_"Mew?" he murmured. "Are you okay-?"_

_Right before he could finish his question, Mew pulled her hands out from behind her back, revealing a yellow package in which its paper wrappings were tied together with a scarlet ribbon. Arceus arched an eyebrow as the catlike Legendary, without a sound, lowered herself to the ground and placed the presentlike object in front of him – like a peace offering between two tribe chieftains. "Here," she stated as she returned to floating, rubbing lingering tiredness from her eyes. Her tone was still happy and carefree, though it sounded dimmed as well._

_Arceus switched his eyes between the package and Mew, wondering what this was all about._

_"I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me," Mew explained, eyes brightening slightly in both affection and gratefulness. "You watched out for me for when I needed help, so I owe you." She yawned, appearing so fatigued Arceus' own eyelids grew heavy. "I spent all night searching for stray money on the streets of cities so I could buy this for you. I would've had Jirachi wish it for me, but I felt that with the whole candy incident…I needed to get this on my own." She let out a sigh, meeting his eyes. "And I put the money on the store's counter before I left with the gift, Scout's Honor," she announced, raising one paw and putting the other over her heart._

* * *

Wow. . . so she did learn her lesson! But what did she buy him? You know what, I want you to guess what it is. With everything and when I say everything, I mean the one thing, we've learned about Arceus in this fanfic, what do you think she got him?

_(The Jeopardy song played through one time)_

And the answer is:

* * *

_**-o- May's Anatomy -o-**_

_**Seasons 1 – 4**_

_His breathing stopped._

_"I thought that with how I ruined your chances of seeing the new episode yesterday," Mew quickly explained, appearing nervous as Arceus stared at the DVD case in his hooves with stunned eyes, "I could get you all of the seasons that were currently out on DVD. That way, maybe you could watch it until the new season comes out…"_

* * *

That's right! A DVD box set of his soap operas! One problem though, how much change would it take to buy this?

_Oh my gosh there's a 20 foot pile of pennies on my counter!_

But I won't be mean. And you know, this gift seems to make this whole fanfic, even Mew's stealing of the candy, feel _A LOT_ better. I guess it shows that Mew wants to make things right and show her sincere appreciation. This is the happy, playful, but well meaning Mew I want to see.

And Arceus, reacts accordingly.

* * *

_When he suddenly lunged forward, Mew squeaked, throwing her arms up over her face._

_However, she stopped shivering when she felt his warm hooves snatch her tiny figure and pull her forward until her face met the soft fur that covered his chest._

_He was…hugging her?_

_Indeed, that's what he was doing, and he ducked his head until his mouth was right by her ear – so close she could sense the shaky joy that served as his tone. "Thank you, Mew," he whispered. "Thank you for everything."_

_Mew blinked, her mind still comprehending what had just happened. Of course, when it all sorted itself out before her, she smiled in relief, burying her head against his warm, plushlike fur. Usually she would've pulled away by now, shooting him a childish grin and emitting brags to go with it. This time, though, she did no such thing, instead enjoying the feeling of his silky fur cushioning her body as they tightened their embrace, her paws coming forward to hold him even closer – if that was possible anymore. They stayed like that for the next few minutes, making no sounds or movements as they relished in each other's warmth._

_Suddenly, the doors into the conference room burst open yet again, and Mew and Arceus pulled away from each other almost instantly as the other Legendaries of the council poured into the area like liberated water from a broken dam._

* * *

Oh come on! What's so important that you have to interrupt this cute scene?!

* * *

_ Deciding to finally solve this once and for all, Arceus stepped forward, Mew trying to hide herself behind him as he approached Mewtwo and Deoxys._

* * *

Oh yeah, I almost forgot.

_(Keldeo leaned in intently)_

Alright, time for some answers!

* * *

_"Mewtwo," Arceus repeated, keeping his tone straightforward and without emotion, "did you and Deoxys fornicate at any time during the day prior to this one?"_

_For a split second, Mewtwo's eyes nearly bulged out of his head, and Deoxys blushed heavily. "__W-what_?"

_"But I saw you!" Mew suddenly spoke up, floating in-between Arceus and Mewtwo, her expression of fright replaced with one of defense. "You two were on top of each other and your arms and legs and stuff were all tangled up…and stuff." She snorted, crossing her paws over her chest._

_"Yesterday, when Deoxys and I returned to our cave after realizing that Team Rocket was still dormant," Mewtwo explained, his voice dragging with slight embarrassment, "I assisted we relax and spend the rest of the day off. However…" He glared at Deoxys. "Deoxys suggested that we do something…'fun'" – he made the quotation symbol with his fingers – "which she believed involved a game of-"_

_"Twister!" Deoxys suddenly cut in, laughing in the midst of it._

_"Yes," Mewtwo sighed with impatience – and an eye roll. "Twister. Deoxys said she wouldn't let me read until I played a round with her." He grunted. "How she was able to get me involved in that inferior human source of entertainment was beyond me; I suppose I was simply maintaining more generosity than normal that day."_

_Mew poked her head up. "Twister?" she repeated, blinking at the thought, and her eyes brightened in realization. "Oh, so that's what that white mat with colorful spots on it was…"_

_Silence, then:_

_"…Whoopsie."_

* * *

_(Keldeo froze as still as a statue, his mouth slightly open. He stood like this for a while, then he suddenly exploded in laughter. He fell onto his back and kicked his legs as he laughed. He rolled around a bit, and eventually composed himself enough to get back up)_

Whew! I mean. . .wow. . .that was incredible. . .really! And how does the NON-OMNISCIENT Arceus react to this revelation?

* * *

_Arceus was towering over her, a look of pure furiousness drenching his countenance as his stiff hooves pinned her to the tiled floor on all sides, granting no escape. She shivered underneath his demonic glare, hearing his ragged breathing that could beat an angered Tauros'. She backed up against the ground, but could make no further movements as Arceus ducked his head and revealed gritted teeth, snarls rising from the back of his throat, giving him a semblance of cannibalism that contradicted his usual nature of collectiveness. "Mew…" he began, his tone a coarse hiss. She gulped again, fearing the worst as she sealed her eyes shut and Arceus continued:_

_"…Even Legendaries make mistakes."_

_Mew felt her expression of fear fall into one of bewilderment, having expected a death threat to emit from Arceus' lips. She opened her eyes to look at his face, blinking upon realizing that he was now smiling, his gold eyes deep with warmth and understanding – any sense of homicide he had had was completely gone without a trace._

_It was silent and uneventful between them for the next few seconds, though once Mew finally comprehended what was going on, she grinned big and laughed with Arceus when the qilinlike Pokemon stepped off and allowed her to rise. Following this, she floated forward and hugged his face, another chuckle emitting from his lips as he nuzzled the embrace into a tighter one._

_"Thank you, Arceus," she cooed against his fur, and he chuckled._

_"Don't worry about it."_

_Man, was it relaxing to finally be able to say such a thing._

_Eventually, Arceus shifted slightly when he heard a soft snoring, his eyes fluttering open in puzzlement as he pulled away to glance at Mew._

_"You know what?" he began, closing his eyes in delight. "Take the day off – all of you. This morning meeting has been cancelled."_

* * *

_(Keldeo smiled broadly)_

Yes, Arceus has finally learned not to be so uptight!

And now it's time for a few closing jokes!

. . .which I will not spoil! Go read them for yourself!

So, that was _Nine in the Afternoon__! _WOW! I'm at a loss for words.

At first, I felt that Mew was a spoiled brat who could get out of punishments and existed only to torture Arceus. But as I read, my opinion changed.

This review reminds me of my _Breaking the Chains _review. The story got better when I reached the second half. But with a major difference. Okay, no disrespect to AuraWielder, but while I still feel the first half of _Breaking the Chains _was. . .not fun to read, when I go back and reread the first half of _Nine in the Afternoon,_ it's actually better than when I first read it! I mean it, many of my gripes and criticisms for Chapter 1, 2, and 3 of this story didn't seem to hold up to me anymore. The story made more sense, I cared more about Arceus, I even started liking Mew! The presence of technology didn't even bother me anymore.

Why is that? Why did my feelings towards this fanfic change after I read the whole thing?

. . . .

. . . .

_(Keldeo's eyes slowly began to open wider. There was a twinkle of realization in them. Keldeo's mouth opened slightly, and he closed it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, he spoke)_

Maybe. . . Arceus wasn't the only one to learn a lesson from Mew here. Maybe. . .I. . .the reader. . .learned something as well. Maybe, it's not so important to have everything in a fanfic match up with cannon. Maybe, you shouldn't get angry when the fanfic's characterization doesn't match your head cannon. If the Hall of Legends has technology, that's okay. If it has a XBOX 360, that's okay. And sometimes fanfic authors will have wacky things happen in their stories. Some die hard fans will get angry that they're beloved characters are going through ridiculous situations. . .but maybe that's just the point of Fan Fiction. To see how characters we've grown to know and love go through things from epic adventures, to wild escapades, and even their day to day lives.

Maybe. . .the best kind of critic is not one who gets angry over every little thing, but one who can crack jokes as he reads, while poking fun at parts he disagrees with and praising the parts he likes. Maybe the key word isn't tolerance. Maybe the key is going with the flow, making the best of it, and facing it with a smile.

Maybe, entertaining critics don't scream in pain and act like they're undergoing torture when faced with a piece of material that they don't like or is just plain poor. Maybe, it's best to not be stuffy, pessimistic, cynical, angry, grumpy, or even overly serious. Maybe, the best way. . .is to posses the optimism that is. . .Mew. . .

_(Keldeo took a moment to breath in and out through his nose. Then, he smiled)_

Imperator Justinian. . . I want to thank you for recommending this Fanfic to me. I know this is gonna sound kinda corny, but I believe you've changed the way I review, the way I look at things. Sure, Glory For Sleep wrote this story, but I would've never found it if it hadn't been for you. I guess I owe you both a thank you.

Well, I guess there's hope for me after all! I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I just reviewed a Pokemon Fan Fiction!

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Portal 2_

_Ratatouille_

_Word Gril_

_PBS_

_Spongebob Squarepants_

_Nickelodeon_

_Dragnet_

_My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

_The Hub_

_Hasbro_

_Star Trek: The Next Generation_

_Nostalgia Critic- Bebe's Kids the Game_

_Cloverfield_

Special Thanks to DragonNiro for Keldeo's use of the word "Biscuits."

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	39. Pokemon World Tour Overview- part 1

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Pokemon World Tour by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

AuraWielder is a really good author! So let's review another one of his Fanfictions. Pokemon World Tour.

* * *

_**Pokemon World Tour**_

_Author: AuraWielder PM_

_What do you get when you take a giant llama-goat, stuff her in a plane with 9 other legendaries, and go on a trip around the world? Hell._

* * *

_(Keldeo laughed)_

Very funny, AuraWielder! Describing Arceus like that, very funny! And how you describe the basic plot of this story in a simple, direct manner. And calling it Hell? Aw come on, AuraWielder! It couldn't be that bad! We all know that after writing stories like _Braking the Chains _and_ Slaves and Soldiers_ that you are the type of writer that writes good quality stories with deep plots and touching themes and well written humor-

* * *

_This isn't funny! This is just random! Are you even trying to keep them in character! This is like how the old Team Rocket Trio acted! This is Team Galactic for goodness sake!_

* * *

_-most of the time_, but I'm sure you can handle Legendaries well. I mean, you don't have to joke around. And come on, that PM you sent me during the whole _Breaking the Chains _scandal:

* * *

_No problem! I'm really looking forward to the last part now! And now that we have it on track, I should let you know that you are free to use my other fanfics in the future if you wish! I truly think that him reviewing Pokemon World Tour would be hilarious (and might scar him, but I'll pay for the therapy)._

* * *

_(Keldeo laughed again and shook his head)_

Don't be silly. Therapy? Come on! I'm sure a story as simple as this couldn't have anything that horrible in it. How bad could something like this possibly be? Something so straight forward and comedic and imaginative and absolutely entertaining-

_**(ONE READING LATER) **_

_(Keldeo is covered in stone dust and his hair is messed up all crazy-like)_

I apologize for my appearance, but after reading a Fanfic that was so. . .Insanity Inducing. . .I had no choice but to go on a rampage which included reducing a few of the huge stone pillars in me and Terrakion's Rock-type training grounds to piles of rubble.

. . .I mean. . .wow. . .wow. . .Arceus-Mew, wow. In the name of the Hall of Legends above and Underworld below, wow!

This Fanfic is. . .INSANE! It's crazy! I could go off on this story so much that. . .that's exactly what I'm gonna do! This is the crazy, wacky, story of _Pokemon World Tour!_

. . . .

Terrakion's gonna kill me for destroying his favorite training area. . . .

Now, first of all, I refuse to belief that this Fanfic has a story. No, there's no story. So it doesn't matter to me that the story isn't complete. I'm not even gonna review every chapter, cause it doesn't matter. The story is so all over the place that all that matters is that I start on chapter one and jump around from there! Seriously, it's like Pinkie Pie was the writer and Psyduck was the Beta Reader, it's so random!

So, _Chapter 1: Prologue! Wretches and World Tours! _Wretches? Really?

Well, everyone seems to be bored in the Hall of Legendaries. Which has technology by the way. So. . .yeah, Legendary Pokemon are bored! So we get to meet our characters.

* * *

_Kyogre and Shaymin were playing go-fish; Kyogre struggling to keep the cards in her giant fins._

_"Have any 6's?" Shaymin asked in a bored voice. She was so bored to such a level that she wanted to shoot someone just to get some excitement going._

_"Go fish." replied Kyogre, equally bored._

_The last strand holding Shaymin from falling off the edge of insanity due to boredom finally snapped._

_"Go fish? GO FISH? YOU'RE A DAMNED SEA WHALE, GO FISH YOURSELF, YOU MOTHER-"_

* * *

What the he-?

* * *

_And now we cut to Darkrai, who was off teasing Victini about his height by dangling an ice-cream bar just out of his reach. The poor guy was only a little over a foot tall, so he couldn't quite grab onto it._

* * *

Victini can fly!

* * *

_ Eventually, Victini got fed up and threw a Flamethrower in the nightmare Pokémon's face. Darkrai was hovering and waving around like mad, trying to desperately find water. As the flames began to melt the ice cream within the two soft walls of the sandwich; he unintentionally threw the Blue Bell bar into Shaymin, who had just finished her profane rant._

_She was NOT a happy camper. More like the kind of camper who goes out expecting sunny days to have a fun time, and ends up getting rain, snow, and hail for 2 weeks straight._

_"WHO THREW THAT?" she shouted at a volume level that scared the crap out of everyone; even Giratina, who isn't scared very often due to the little, tiny, itty-bitty fact that he lived in THE POKEMON VERSION OF HELL. Though, the demons of the Distortion World were nothing compared to Shaymin's fury._

* * *

Shaymin's fury? He has the voice of Tails the Fox and he's smaller than Victini! His strongest attack is Energy Ball! And it's not like he actually beat Giratina in _Giratina vs the Sky Warrior, _it was pretty much a tie! And he's a little flower-hedgehog Pokemon. He's nearly as cute a Mew! And why is she swearing?

* * *

_Did I mention her back hedges burst into flames?_

* * *

No they _don't! Friendship is Witchcraft_ is more accurate to the source material than this!

* * *

_Darkrai was panicked. He had just dug his own grave. Shaymin had changed into Sky Forme, and was charging up one of her devastating Seed Flares. Shaymin charged towards Darkrai at the speed of a certain blue hedgehog…_

* * *

Why are you randomly referencing Sonic the Hedgehog?

* * *

_Darkrai knew the end was nigh. He took a piece of paper and quickly began to scribble on it._

_"This is my last will and testament. As I die today, my beneficiaries are: Giratina, Entei, and Rayquaza. Giratina shall receive my old torture devices, PS3, and flat-screen TV. Entei receives Newmoon Island for him and whomever he wishes to share it with."_

* * *

Wait, what?

* * *

_He briefly glanced up and saw Shaymin was only a few seconds away. He immediately went back to his paper._

_"Rayquaza will acquire my air horn to stop the fighting of Groudon and Kyogre as needed. Azelf, I never got a chance to tell you but I lo-"_

_"What's going on here?" came a loud, commanding voice._

_Shaymin stopped straight in her tracks, mere inches away from Darkrai._

* * *

So Shaymin can defeat Darkrai? Are you kidding me? And instead of getting ready for a fight, he cowers like a little wimp and writes a will, _and why does he have a crush on Azelf?_

So, female Arceus comes in and interrupts the fight.

* * *

_"So, what's everyone up to?" she inquired._

_"I'll tell you what's going on." Dialga muttered monotonously as she sat down, staring at the wall. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The universe is at peace, there aren't any Pokémon wars, no natural disasters to fix, no nothing. There's nothing to do except to stare at the wall for the next millennium."_

_"What about the Wii? I got you guys one for that holiday… what did the humans call it again?"_

_"Christmas. And Wii's broken all thanks to Groudon's temper. He loses one Brawl match to me, and he goes and tosses it out the window." Dialga growled._

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!_

* * *

_"Hey, don't blame me!" he tried to defend himself. "Blame it on Dialga! Girls aren't supposed to good at video games! They're not supposed to be good at anything! I mean really, girls can't do shit!"_

_Many of the girls heard this (Articuno, Mew, Suicune, Celebi, Ho-Oh, Cresselia, the lake trio, Dialga, the psychotic Shaymin, Reshiram, and ESPECIALLY Kyogre) and proceeded to beat the Continent Pokémon to an unrecognizable pulp. Arceus didn't attack him, but cheered the girls on from a distance._

_"Filthy Pokemon beat him low! We the legendaries take control! Beat his bones, black and blue! Beat it mercilessly into you!" she chanted. (Bonus points if you get the reference.)_

* * *

No I don't. And two wrongs don't make a right!

* * *

_Lugia pulled a microphone out from under his wing and promptly began to rap... and very well. "To save your face! How low can you go? Groudon, you talk a lot of shit and yet you don't..."_

_Everyone, for just 5 seconds, stopped and turned towards Lugia. He looked around at everyone and shrugged his shoulders._

_"...What?"_

_"You... can rap?" gawked Dialga._

_"Yes, quite well, actually. I do have my own song, you know."_

* * *

Oh, okay, now Lugia can rap, that's good, that's very nice, ha-ha-ha-ha- WHAT AM I READING?!

* * *

_"But... that was... never mind." Dialga muttered. She then asked the female legendaries. "Girls, you ready to continue the beatdown on Groudon?"_

_"No! Please! Stop! Jesus, I'll do anything!"_

_"Hmm..." Dialga began to ponder. "...Nah."_

_And so it continued!_

* * *

Thank goodness the Swords of Justice aren't in this!

* * *

_Groudon groaned as he tried to sit up, but many broken bones and fractures prevented that._

_"Ahh! Oh! Owwwwwwwww… my aching everything…"_

_"You take it back?" posed Suicune._

_"Yes…" Groudon whimpered._

_"Boy, they certainly took a beating on you, huh?"_

_Groudon looked up. Hovering over him was Latias, who was too kind and caring to beat up Groudon over his sexist comment._

_Latias maneuvered around Groudon carefully, examining him and making note of all the injuries on him. She was good with medical knowledge and healing. One in particular came to her mind…_

_"I hate to break the news, but you… have irreparable damage to your... reproductive organs."_

* * *

Keldeo's mouth fell open.

* * *

_He glanced at her confused. "What do you mean by that?"_

_"Well...um..."_

_Rayquaza decided to just break to him. "It means you can't have sex anymore, you dolt!"_

_"You could've been nicer... but yeah, that's what it means."_

_Groudon looked like he was ready to cry, something he didn't do… ever._

_"No… sex? But… but… *sniff*…"_

_Palkia walked up to Groudon and put his arm over his shoulder. "I'm sorry, dude. Don't worry too much. Sex isn't the most important thing in - wait, I take that back."_

_Groudon let loose the waterworks. He was devastated. No longer could he just pull a one-night stand. No longer could he experience love. No longer…_

* * *

Excuse me a minute.

_(Keldeo left the are. A loud scream could be heard. Then he ran back.)_

Are you serious?! Is this all a joke to you? Who can possibly write this without feeling dirty?

* * *

_Latias began to giggle. Groudon stopped his Krookodile tears for a moment and looked up at Latias._

_"What… what's so funny?"_

_She smiled before simply stating… "Gotcha."_

_Everyone stared at Latias. No one expected her to do that. She never joked around with medical injuries and reports, so no one could see that coming. Not even Rayquaza, Latias' boyfriend, who floated to the side of Groudon, open-jawed._

_"So… he'll be OK?" Giratina slowly uttered._

_"Yeah. Just one Recover ought to fix him up."_

_She waved her hand in Groudon's direction and a green circle surrounded him. A white light shone on the circle and in a couple of seconds, Groudon was as good as new._

_"But why…" he whispered._

_Arceus smirked. "Think of this as a learning lesson, Groudon. With this knowledge, you may beco-"_

_"We still have a problem." Darkrai interrupted her. "We're still as bored as hell."_

* * *

Oh, so it was all a joke? Well, that makes it all better- NO IT DOESN'T! That was a very disgusting thing to write!

So, anyway, Arceus decides that they should all go on a World Tour. However, only some of them can go. So how do they decide who goes with Arceus?

* * *

_This is where you come in. On my profile I have a poll with the Legendary Pokemon on it (before you ask, I left out Keldeo, Meloetta, and Genesect out intentionally) and you can vote as to which Pokemon go with Arceus. Top 9 votes go with her on a trip around the world. The poll will end on September 1st, so go ahead and vote before it's too late!_

_EDIT: Voting is now OVER!_

* * *

That's right, people voted on who got to go. That was a while ago. Boy, I'm glad he left me out of that story. I want no part of it.

So after an author's note showing the results, we get Chapter 3: Revelation of the Chosen Ones.

* * *

_"And now, the time has come to read the votes as determined by the great author's poll." Arceus announced._

_"The author?" Raikou rolled his eyes. "You mean the douche who keeps torturing-"_

_"Silence!" the goddess ordered. "Lest ye shall provoke the wrath of the great and mighty powerful author!"_

_"Ha! I'd like to see him try!"_

_The second after he said that, a loose tile from the ceiling of the Hall of Origin fell off and down onto Raikou's noggin, knocking the foolishly foolish fool…, I mean, the poor dear unconscious._

_Entei looked at the above words. "Is the author an Ace Attorney fan?"_

_**"YES. YES I AM." **came a booming voice._

_"Oh, OK."_

_"And that's why you don't break the fourth wall." Dialga pointed out._

* * *

Oh boy, we're in trouble. It's one of _those _fanfics. I hate it when the author messes around with the story. So does that make him the villain, cause having to be in this story seems evil to me!

Okay, now let's see, we got Lugia, Latias, Mew, Rayquaza, Shaymin, Jirachi, Kyogre, Giratina, and Darkrai.

And some of them are not happy about some of the winners.

* * *

_the holy llama's face paled when she read the next 'Mon on the list. "Oh, sweet Jesus."_

* * *

You took the Lord's name in vain!

* * *

_"Come on…" Giratina coaxed her. "How bad can it be?"_

_Arceus then showed who was next on the elected list._

_"Oh, sweet Jesus." Giratina repeated._

* * *

You did it again!

* * *

_"Well?" Mew asked the gods of Life and Death. "Who's next? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Te-"_

_"IT'S YOU! NOW SHUT UP BEFORE I SNAP YOU IN TWO!" Arceus erupted at the pink fetus._

* * *

So everybody hates Mew apparently. Wow, that sounded like a really lame TV show!

_Everybody Hates Mew! On tonight on DSN! The Dumb Show Network!_

* * *

_"It's me…? Really?" Mew inhaled deeply. "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA-"_

* * *

Oh boy, we're in trouble. It's the Hyper Mew interpretation. I can only hope it'll be like in _Nine in the Afternoon's _Mew.

* * *

_"The author hates us, doesn't he?" sighed Arceus._

_**"OH, I DON'T HATE YOU."**_

_"You don't?" A small ray of hope pierced Arceus's heart._

_**"NO, NOT AT ALL. IT'S JUST SO MUCH FUN TO MAKE YOUR LIVES HELL."**_

_That ray of hope in the llama's heart was now flushed down the toilet._

_"…You are an evil person."_

_**"WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE?"**_

* * *

The entire first chapter! And did AuraWielder just admit to being evil?

* * *

_Arceus continued the list. "Next up on the list, tied with Mew and Rayquaza is…" Arceus's eyes grew wide. If this Pokémon came along on the world tour, then her life would be an absolute nightmare. It was already bad enough Mew got in…_

_"…Mr. Author?" Arceus asked._

_**"YES?"**_

_"Do I really have to let Shaymin on?"_

_Shaymin's hedges flared up again after hearing this._

_"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'HAVE TO'?" she screamed with intense volume, causing the nearby legendaries to cover their ears to avoid any permanent ear damage. "HE'S THE (censored)ING AUTHOR, SO YOU HAVE TO (censored)ING DO WHAT HE (censored)ING SAYS! YOU (censored)ING GOT IT, YOU (censored)ING LLAMA?"_

* * *

_(Keldeo face-hoofed)_

AuraWielder clearly never saw Shaymin's movie! And why is she a psychopath? Why is she swearing up a storm? She's not even that strong! Why can't Arceus just use Judgement on her? How is Shaymin stronger than Arceus? It makes no sense? And why does Shaymin have to be the horrible jerk? Is it because she's cute? Is that it? Sort of a dissonance between appearance and attitude? I don't care, it's still painful.

So, we get some foreshadowing of all the _pain_ that's gonna come in this story. Mew stuffs candy in her suitcase, Lugia breaks a mirror, Rayquaza packs blackmail photos, Darkrai packs his teddy bear and a gun to kill Shaymin with, and Giratina has full blown conversation with the Author about some Spansh II project and some Giratina/Arcues shipping.

You know, this makes me wonder if AuraWielder has an alter ego that comes out when the moon is full and writes this random stuff. Maybe that's why he writes that he's evil? And this stuff is pretty demented. Did you know Lugia got drunk once and had sex with Reshiram? Well he did according to AuraWielder! This is like something Discord would write!

_(Keldeo suddenly slapped his hooves together in realization)_

I've got it! Discord uses the magic Equestria Girls mirror to go to the human world, Discords AuraWielder, and then Discorded AuraWielder writes this Fanfic! The spell wears off after a while and he gets his color back, but then Discord will hit him again and he'll turn gray again and write another chapter. This sadly makes a lot of sense.

_Discord: Hmmm, AuraWielder hasn't updated this wonderfully chaotic story in a while. I better pay him another visit._

__Okay, okay, okay, I don't _really_ believe that AuraWielder. I understand, this is all tongue in cheek, just for fun, you don't mean and harm. I just happen to not like this type of story. And I guess you're trying to show how the Legendaries are not perfect and have flaws, and I understand that. And I guess you go overboard with the flaws and over-reactions to make it funny. I understand, but like I said, I just happen to not like over the top humor.

So, after what feels like an eternity, they finally get ready to board the plane. Of course, Arceus gets stuck in the door, but they push her through. But then her golden wheel breaks off. . .which is actually kinda funny. It snaps back on easily enough, so I guess that's okay.

* * *

_"I don't get paid enough for this." she sighed as she stood her body back up._

_**"YOU AREN'T GETTING PAID AT ALL!"**_

_"My point exactly." She turned around to see her shiny golden still stuck in the frame of the doorway. "Could someone help me bring that in? I feel so naked."_

* * *

Speaking of naked:

* * *

_"Lugia? What are all of those suitcases for?" Arceus questioned "This isn't a year-long trip, you know…"_

_"Vocal equipment." he explained. "I'm gonna practice my vocals for the trip, 'cause I plan to do my first show at our first destination, wherever that is."_

_"But you DID remember to pack extra clothes, right?" warned Giratina. "Let's not forget what happened at Schlitterbahn when it first opened…"_

_Rayquaza recalled the memory. "You mean when he got his only clothes torn up and he had to-"_

_"YES, I packed extra clothes and NO, I am not going to repeat the Schlitterbahn incident! You were evil! You made me streak through the park before you would loan me your human clothes!"_

_"Hey, I don't give my human clothes to just ANYONE."_

_Giratina smirked. "It WAS kind of funny, seeing you running through the park so quickly, chasing Rayquaza with spare clothes in his hand."_

_"Enough already!" Lugia retaliated._

* * *

What are they talking about? Pokemon don't wear clothes!

_(Keldeo's eyes widened) _

Oh no. . .don't tell me they're gonna transform into humans! I hate it when authors do that! Why can't they stay as Pokemon!? Isn't that more interesting than boring humans?

* * *

_Jirachi was hovering in the air, rubbing his eyes with his tiny little hands. "Are we there yet?" he groaned. "I'm really sleepy after being woken up so early…"_

_"Really?" snarked Darkrai. "57 years of straight power-napping aren't enough?"_

_"NO!" The force of Jirachi's yell blew Darkrai hard and forced his skirt-_

_"ROBE!" he corrected me._

_Robe… sorry. Blew his robe up and exposed… things people aren't usually supposed to see. As soon as he recovered from the blow, he pushed his skirt-_

_"ROBE!" he screamed at me again._

_OK! Sheesh! Pushed his ROBE back down! Happy, Darkrai?_

_"Better, I guess."_

_In front of Darkrai, everyone 'Mon male and female were twitching their eyes like crazy, trying to forget what they had just seen. Except Jirachi who fortunately went back to sleep._

_"At… At least we know Darkrai's a guy for sure now…" whispered Kyogre._

_"Those were sights never meant to be seen!" screamed Lugia, covering his eyes in horror._

_"Go to my happy place; go to my happy place…" Rayquaza repeated to himself._

_"Arceus, please tell me you have the Brain Bleach stored somewhere." Giratina desperately hoped._

* * *

It's not funny! It's not funny! It's not funny! It's not funny! It's not funny!

. . .

It's not funny!

So, after another eternity, the pane _finally_ takes off. And apparently the plane is built like a cruise ship.

* * *

_Lugia began to walk out of the main walkway and into a side room with Rayquaza and the other Legends following behind. The room held a stage, lights, sets, and audience seating. It was almost a bit too perfect…_

_"You planned this all along, didn't you?" Rayquaza snarled at me._

_**"YES. YES I DID."**_

_Lugia stepped onto the stage and singled out Rayquaza._

_"Rayquaza, the Sky High Pokémon!" called Lugia. "I challenge you to a battle of rhymes and raps! Come up and face me!"_

_"Or are you too… Combusken?" he whispered in the mic._

_Rayquaza got his wits together and manned up. "I accept your challenge, Lugia, Guardian of the Seas!"_

_Rayquaza hovered up to the stage with his mic in hand._

_"You can do it, Ray." cheered the red dragon._

_"I'll start." Lugia announced. "Turn on the beat." Giratina, next to the boom box, used a point on his wing to tap the PLAY button. Immediately, the Twister theme from The World Ends With You (if you haven't played it, BUY IT. NOW.) began to play without vocals._

* * *

Wait! Wait! Wait! If we're going to do this, I want to do it right!

_(Keldeo looked off to the left)_

Alright, Matthais! Do it!

_**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!**_

_**Lugia!**_

_**VS!**_

_**Rayquaza!**_

_**BEGIN!**_

* * *

_Lugia:  
See the Cryogonals bursting here,  
Now use Explosion, there's something to fear  
Have Ho-Oh's flames generatin' by your side  
Though no flames can turn down my tide!_

_Rayquaza:_  
_Draco Meteor through the sky_  
_Pulverize you from way up high_  
_I might be 4 times weak to ice_  
_But Darkrai will scare you up quite nice!_

_Lugia:_

_So, I'm walking alone in the Valley of Death_  
_With my rod and my staff, but it ain't over yet_  
_Use Final Judgment to light up the way_  
_But will YOU live to see dawn the next day?_

_Rayquaza:_  
_And now you think I'm down and out?_  
_But hold up, am I Struggling myself?_  
_Look at me now, you're just a sucker_  
_Now take my next rhyme, you mother-_

_And that was when Lugia lost it and leapt across the stage at Rayquaza. The Guardian of the Seas now held the Sky High Pokémon by his throat on the floor of the stage. The audience gasped, and Latias especially was shocked._

_"Listen to me, you moron! That is the ABSOLUTE WORST THING you can call a dude! I have the utmost respect for my mother and I WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT WORD! I hate rappers using it so much! Its existence is a shame, and I won't take that! You understand me, Rayquaza?"_

_Rayquaza was scared out of his wits and now felt like he was being held at gunpoint by a murderer. Only one word would get Rayquaza out of this alive._

_"Yes." he whispered._

_"Good." Lugia then let go of Rayquaza's throat, allowing him to access air again._

* * *

**_WHO WON?_**

**_WHO'S NEXT?_**

**_YOU DECIDE!_**

* * *

_AuraWielder_

_Lugia vs Rayquaza!_

* * *

**_EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!_**

_(Keldeo is smiling and has a look of enjoyment on his face)_

Wow, that was awesome. One problem though.

_(Keldeo turns angry all of a sudden)_

If Lugia hates the F word so much, then why does he let Shaymin say it? How powerful is Shaymin, anyway? Oh wait, he only hates it when it's used right after the word "mother"! Well, that makes a lot of sense! Hey wait a minute!

* * *

_"Go fish." replied Kyogre, equally bored._

_The last strand holding Shaymin from falling off the edge of insanity due to boredom finally snapped._

_"Go fish? GO FISH? YOU'RE A DAMNED SEA WHALE, GO FISH YOURSELF, YOU MOTHER-"_

* * *

She said it in chapter one! What, was Lugia sleeping then! Or is he really _that _afraid of Shaymin? Why did AuraWielder make Shaymin the most powerful legendary, I don't understand this!

But okay, after that fun rap battle, it's clear even this crazy house has it's good moments. But most of the humor is just too over the top for me. There's no crude humor or toilet humor, but I just don't like the craziness. And I really don't like Shaymin in this, _at all._ Something bad needs to happen to her. So far the only characters I like are Darkrai and Latias.

I guess a lot of people will like this crazy humor, but it's not my style. I hope you realize that I never once said this story was bad. It's just. . .insane. And many of you like insane things. Cartoon Network and Nick are insanity central!

Well, I've covered the basic format and first few chapters. Now I just have to comment on parts that stand out in a few of the other chapters. But I kinda need a break, so how about you just watch this commercial while I take a breather.

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	40. Commercial 4

_"Rise and shine, Riley and Aaron. . .rise and shine. . ."_

Aaron and Riley found themselves standing in pitch blackness with pin points of light flying by them. With a flash, Dialga the Temporal Pokemon appeared before them.

_"Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on. . .the-job."_

Suddenly, Aaron's cold holding cell in the Team Galactic base formed around. Light streamed through the tiny window and onto the cold cement floor.

_"No one is more deserving of a resst. And all the effort in the **world** would have gone to waste, until. . . "_

The room then changed into the lab where Project Alpha had been built. On the wall stood the cylindrical tube containing Alpha floating in orange liquid.

_"Well. . .let's just say your hour has come again. . ."_

The room disappeared, and was replaced by a cold, desolate Sinnoh Region. People and Pokemon were being marched into a P.O.W. Camp constructed of cold grey metal.

_"The right souls in the wrong place can make all the diffe**rence** in the world. . .so, wake up Riley and Aaron. . .wake up and smell the ashes. . ."_

Riley's and Aaron's eyes widened as their true location focused around them. . . .

* * *

**_Conquering the Dark_**

**_By AuraWielder_**

**_Winter 2013_**


	41. Pokemon World Tour Overview- part 2

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Pokemon World Tour by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

_(Keldeo is holding his head in his hooves. He clearly has a massive headache. Keldeo shakily taps his tablet with his hoof and a dialogue box appears.)_

* * *

_AuraWielder:_

_Saw it. And I left a review on it.  
Keldeo's scarred reaction is as EXACTLY as I planned. *laughs evilly*_

* * *

_(Keldeo looks at it and shudders in fear.)_

_. . ._To review a crazy fanfic is one of the hardest things _to_ review, because there is only so many times you can say "that makes no sense." And on top of that, only so much that a Pokemon like me can take.

So, rather than look at this Fanfic as a story, I'm instead gonna look at it as "Literary Lunacy." A Fanfic that _wants_ to be as random and insane, and tires anything in its power _to_ be random and insane.

So. . .I want to wash my hooves of this fanfic as quickly as possible. I'm going to finish this thing in one chapter. This ends here.

So, as expected, the Legendaries go into human forms starting in Chapter 5. I'm not going to describe them, you can read their human descriptions for yourself.

Also in Chapter 5, we really get to see how annoying an interfering author can be.

* * *

_Shaymin was across the plane from Lugia; she was enjoying her own dessert of… angel… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry… sorry. Angel…ha-ha… food cake._

_"Mmm… this cake tastes so good… and angelic." she smiled. "Just like me."_

_Lugia (and everyone else on the plane) had to resist bursting out in laughter._

* * *

I wish I knew why Shaymin's so demonic in this story. Anyway, back to the annoying author!

* * *

_"ALL I WANTED WAS A VACATION!" the Nightmare Pokémon screamed into the sky. "Is that so much to ask? I hate you. I HATE YOU. I __**H-A-T-E**__ YOU, AURAWIELDER!"_

_People were walking across the street nearby, looking at Darkrai like he was insane._

_**"OH, COME NOW. IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT THE AUTHOR?"**_

_"Seems pretty fair considering how you treat me… and the way you favor everyone else over me… What was that thing called again? Oh yeah. The Golden Rule. __**Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. **__You're a Christian, right? Isn't that in the Bible somewhere?" he smirked, attempting to use my own religion against me._

_**"BUT… B-BUT… I… HMPH."**_

_"Gotcha." he smirked again._

* * *

_(Keldeo's eyes opened wide)_

Oh my gosh, that's the FanFic! That's the problem with the entire FanFic in one paragraph! How did you do that?

* * *

_Suddenly, an anvil appeared over his head, ready to drop down._

_"Oh f-"_

_POW!_

_**"THIS IS MY STORY; I'LL DO WHAT I PLEASE!"**_

_Darkrai could only quietly gripe to himself as he crawled slowly and painfully out from under the anvil._

* * *

What, are we suddenly in Looney Tunes land now? Well I'd much gladly rather watch Wile E Coyote than read this!

* * *

_**"DON'T WORRY NOW, THOUGH. YOU'LL GET SOME TIME TO YOURSELVES. I WON'T BE HERE FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER, SO GIVE MY REGARDS TO THE OTHERS FOR ME."**_

_"Where are you going?" asked Darkrai, still in pain with the anvil on his lower body._

_**"I'M LEAVING TO WATCH THE NEW WINNIE THE POOH MOVIE I PURCHASED."**_

_Darkrai and Zekrom stood there silently (or in Darkrai's case, laying face down on concrete), blinking their eyes, trying to comprehend what the mighty author had just told them._

_The evil, manipulative, conniving, shrewd author was… going to go watch a Winnie the Pooh film._

_Winnie._

_The._

_Freakin'._

_Pooh._

* * *

I.

Don't.

Freakin'.

CARE!

* * *

_"Well if you are, don't expect us to sing with you." muttered the Sea Whale Lyogre._

_"KYOGRE!" she quickly pointed out to me._

_EDIT: …muttered the Sea Whale Kyogre._

_**"BETTER?"**_

_"Yes."_

* * *

Did a character just point out a spelling error? What kind of Fourth Wall breaking is that? That's like. . .Fifth Wall breaking!

* * *

_"I'm gonna blow the plane up, stupid." she said, messing with the bomb's settings._

_**"UM, UH, SHAYMIN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER THIS? AREN'T YOU BEING KINDA EXTREME?"**_

_"Nope." she said, trying to set the timer._

_**"BUT THINK ABOUT THIS! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL EVERYONE ON THIS PLANE BEFORE THEY CAN STOP YOU!"**_

_"I know." she said, preparing to start the bomb._

_**"YOU'LL DIE TOO!"**_

_She stood there momentarily, slowly comprehending the flaw in her plan."(censored) IT!" she cursed, throwing the bomb out the window._

_"Stupid logic."_

* * *

YOU'RE IN A PLANE! If you open a window in a plane, then the plane will loose pressure and you'd all suffocate. How can you bring up logic and then go against logic in the _exact_ _same scene!_

_But wait, it gets wo_rse, later on, Groudon comes in and_ helps AuraWielder type the story! _

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

_Again, the BRILLIANT author is feeling too lazy to narrate the story (and is currently playing Harvest Moon). So, someone else will be interacting with the main characters. Take it away… Groudon!_

_Groudon, thinking mischievously about what he could do, sat in the author's computer chair (and broke it)._

_"Oops."_

_The author looked up from his DS and towards him. "Yeah, that's what you get for weighing 2,000 pounds."_

_"Dumb Weight Watchers." he grumbled. "Now do you want me to narrate, or would you rather I bring in Kyurem?"_

_The author's eyes widened nervously. "Ehh… better the sexist than the druggie."_

* * *

Okay, AuraWielder just called Kyurem and druggie. Are you reading this, Mr. Grool? You'll tell Kyurem about this right?

* * *

_"…Hi there!"_

_"…Groudon?"_

_"Yep!" came a booming voice from nowhere. "It's the one and only, Master of Earth, Protector of the Universes' Guys, Groudon!"_

_"…I'm not even going to ask why you called yourself 'Protector of the Universes' Guys. And where are you anyways? You didn't come onto this World Tour with us…"_

_"Oh, the author was lazy – I mean, kind enough to let me host for a little while."_

_"You're – You're with the author?" Lugia stuttered. "You mean… you're at his computer? Deciding what happens?"_

_"Indeed I am! And the Protector of the Universes' Guys rules your destiny! Tremble before my power!"_

_"…Groudon."_

_"…Yes?"_

_"Go back to wood carving."_

_"Nah. I want to have a little fun with the story but… I will… EVENTUALLY!"_

_Lugia stood in a corner of the plane, with his hands over his face. "Why?" he muttered. "Why God, why?"_

_"Well, you better find something interesting to do so this story can get back to being funny."_

_"Funny for you, maybe." Lugia sighed. "Can you at least tell me where everyone in the plane went? Did the Rapture happen or something?"_

_"Well, I can tell you that their souls WEREN'T stolen by Mary Sues."_

_"That's a relief." Lugia assured himself._

_"However…" Groudon pondered. "The future is always a possibili-"_

_"NO!" Lugia screamed. "NO! God no! Groudon, I will kill you personally if you EVER turn this into one of those fics where I get it on with a Mary Sue!"_

_"It'd be hilarious! And besides, I could handle you!"_

_"I'll get Shaymin to help!" Lugia threatened._

_"…" Groudon was silenced. "Never mind." he muttered meekly._

* * *

Yeah, I don't give a horse apple. So lets go over a few things a skipped over.

We travel to Vatican City where Darkrai gets strip-searched where they find his Shaymin-Killing gun. Giratana tries to confess love to Arceus, but gets interrupted by Shaymin knocking himself unconscious- Do you notice how I'm not showing the scenes? That's because I want this experience to be quick as possible.

So, after human Rayquaza knocks into the famous Egyptian obelisk and knocks it over and destroys it- HOW CAN SOMETHING THE SIZE OF A HUMAN KNOCK A GIANT PILLAR OF ROCK! I guess he had his Pokemon strength while in human form, but guess what? He doesn't!

* * *

_POW!_

_"Uhh…" he groaned. Rayquaza had run into the obelisk head-on (apply directly to forehead) and was left rubbing his throbbing head. Unfortunately, Rayquaza's harsh impact seemed to slightly shift the obelisk._

_Rayquaza, realizing what he had just done, tried to use his weight to resupport the obelisk, but he weighed WAY less than the obelisk. It came crashing down, Egyptian hieroglyphics, the tall proud cross… yeah, wave bye-bye to it._

* * *

Then how did he knock the thing over?!

So they all run back to the plan and fly away. And in Chapter 8: The Troubles with Windows Vista, we discuss some of the Legendaries having porn on their computers- yeah, there is porn discussed in this story! Okay, I'm really starting to feel pain from reading this. My body literally hurts! Mostly in my head.

So, the innocent Lugia, who had no porn in his computer, has his computer crash and his files deleted.

* * *

_Lugia's day couldn't get any worse. First he's accused of having porn, and then his computer pulls off the dreaded Blue Screen of Death on him and is deleting EVERYTHING he put on there. His pictures, his documents, his music… gone._

_"CURSE YOU, WINDOWS VISTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

_And the lesson for the day today kids is to never download movies illegally! Or else your entire hard drive will CRASH AND EPICALLY FAIL ON YOU! This lesson was (not) sponsored by the I.A.F.L.L., the Imaginary Association for Learning Lessons!_

_Now back to our main program._

* * *

You gotta be kidding me!

So in Chapter 9: Arrival! Australia!. . .

* * *

_"Oh, my snuggle-wuggle-huggy-buttons…" Arceus whispered as she nuzzled with Giratina's neck._

_"Oh, my smoochy-woopy-poo…" Giratina softly said as one of his ghostly streamers stroked Arceus' fur._

* * *

What the-? You skipped the love confession scene! Is skipping scenes gonna be a regular thing with you? First Aaron and Riley's kidnapping scene and now a love confession scenes! I happen to like romance! I've read like a hundred Spyro and Cynder romance stories! This scene could've been actually entertaining! But no! This story can't be entertaining!

* * *

"_As I was saying, we're headed for the land down under."_

_"…"_

_"…So… where's that again?" wondered Giratina._

_"Australia, you doofballs." muttered Jirachi. "Do ANY of you guys know ANYTHING about this planet?"_

_"…"_

_"Anything at all?"_

_Kyogre thought for a minute. "Well… it's mostly water, right?"_

_"I… think it has 6 continents… or was that 7?" muttered Rayquaza._

_"Santa lives the North Pole; I know that for SURE!" bragged Mew._

_"Oh, you guys have SO much work to do." Jirachi sighed. "Here."_

_Jirachi pulled some books out of thin air and handed them off to all of the other Legendaries. "Here's your homework. Read these World Geography books and study up on this planet."_

_"Homework?" scoffed Darkrai. "What are we, a bunch of teenagers?"_

_"I refuse to do this!" griped Rayquaza._

_"This is preposterous!" complained Giratina._

_"I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!"_

_Everyone looked at Mew, not very amused and a bit ticked off._

_"What?" she asked._

* * *

Are you trying to make Mew rip off Pinkie Pie? Arceus is already a Pegasister after that scene where she watched the show a little while back.

* * *

_"Oh, Mew!" Arceus sighed. "I worked really hard on that. Can't you just give me a break?"_

_"OK!" Suddenly, Mew pulled a bag out of absolutely nowhere and began to rummage through it. "I know it's in here somewhere…"_

_As Mew hunted through the bag, she tossed many items behind her. These included: the Holy Grail, the 18 and a half missing minutes of Watergate, the key to Atlantis, a Portal Gun, the Queen of England's Crown Jewels, a cupcake, and the number 42._

_"I call dibs on the Portal Gun." Giratina claimed._

_"Here it is!" Mew cheered. She yanked out another item from her mysterious bag. It was a car brake._

_Arceus facepalmed. Well, that is, she would've if she had hands. "Mew… that's… not what I meant."_

_"Then what DID you mean?" she asked Arceus with an innocent look on her face._

* * *

My gosh, she makes Pinkie Pie looks like Shadow the Hedgehog! Speaking of hedgehogs, does he have to reference Sonic every time Shaymin shows up? Why are you comparing the spawn of Satan to Sonic the Legendary Hedgehog?

So they mess around in Australia, and Lugia-

* * *

_*GIANT MUSICAL NUMBER TIME!*_

_He stepped off of the plane and began to sing._

* * *

_(Keldeo blinked)_

Hello!. . . .song?

* * *

_I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)…_

_Some of the nearby kangaroos heard him start to sing and hopped over to him._

_To take a stand (To take a stand)…_

_Some koalas also heard the song continue. They crawled up to him and Lugia thought that they were cute. He picked one up as he continued._

* * *

This is worse than the Happy Working Song in _Enchanted_!

* * *

_Everybody (everybody), come take my hand (come take my hand)…_

_The kangaroos and koalas came closer and the kangaroos hopped in tune with Lugia. Both of the species took Lugia's hand._

* * *

Oh you are kidding me!

* * *

_Their hands started to swing together._

_Whatever weather, cold or warm…_

_And it started to sound like a Disney song._

* * *

Is it gonna be a short one?

* * *

_Just lettin' you know that you're not alone…_

_Butunfortunately…_

_Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road…_

_This was absolutely NOT a Disney song._

_"Okay, quit playin' with the-"_

_"Lugia?"_

_Lugia took his shades off to talk to the all powerful mysterious voice of DOOM!_

_"Yeah, Groudon?"_

_"…Shouldn't you be looking for the others?"_

_"…But." Lugia muttered. "Bursting into song is fun."_

_"This isn't Disney!"_

_"Yeah, because what I was singing was totally Disney!" Lugia's voice spat, dripping with sarcasm._

_"Dammit Lugia! I'm a guy! I have needs! I have women that I NEED to degrade! Now get your sorry ass moving!"_

_Lugia grumbled. "You have to ruin my fun, don't you? Fine!"_

_Lugia turned to the animals, who were looking at him puzzled. "Rehearsal's over, guys."_

_The animals sighed in disappointment and left Lugia by himself._

_"So much for my big musical number…"_

* * *

Well to be fair. . . nope, I'm not gonna be fair. That scene was mean-spirited it pointless. . . now wait, that's the whole Fanfic!

* * *

_Lugia grumbled to himself. "Great. Just great. First, Zekrom tried to kill me back in Vatican City. Then, Rayquaza hogties me in the plane while I'm asleep. FINALLY, Groudon robs me of my big fancy musical number. CAN THIS GET ANY WORSE?"_

_**"OH LUGIA. POOR NAÏVE LUGIA. YOU JUST DON'T EVER SAY THAT."**_

_"Oh. You're back. Still have Groudon with you?"_

_"Yep, I'm right here."_

_"Dammit!" he shouted. "So, you two are going to make my life hell for the rest of this chapter, aren't you?"_

_**"WELL…"**_

_Suddenly, the sky turned dark. Clouds took up the sky and it began to pour heavily. Lugia gritted his teeth. "Of course. Of course. You're right; you should never say those words…"_

_Then, he got struck by lightning._

_**BZZZZZZT!**_

_Lugia looked up at the sky, his body sizzling. "You know, I really hate you."_

* * *

So do I. I mean, this is almost like watching one of those stupid Scrat scenes in Ice Age, only with dialogue.

So after the Australia chapters, we get a scene where Shaymin catches Arceus in a net made of the Red Chain he got from Cyrus- how did that happen?

So everyone else ties Shaymin up and leave her and Arceus to watch Barney episodes. . .which is apparently the worst thing in the world in the fanfic.

Then we fly to Japan were Kyogre creates a tidal wave to destroy Latias' giant sandcastle and Lugia and Rayquaza are kidnapped by yaoi fangirls led by an evil demon, causing Darkrai to run away like a little coward.

Now let me repeat that: _Then we fly to Japan were Kyogre creates a tidal wave to destroy Latias' giant sandcastle and Lugia and Rayquaza are kidnapped by yaoi fangirls led by an eyil demon, causing Darkrai to run away like a little coward._

How can anyone make this stuff up? Further proof that AuraWielder wrote this while Discorded.

So after the demon is killed, Rayquaza stops the tidal wave, Kyogre is turned into a Magikarp by Arceus as punishment, and Rayquaza becomes Giritana's slave because Giratana proved that Kyogre was lying and not him and know Rayquaza has to wear a maid's outfit and back a cake for Giratana and Arceus- _oh my gosh-oh my gosh- I'm going insane- why am I reading this story and reviewing it like one of Zorua's ridiculous reviews that go all over the place-_

_(1 hour later)_

Okay, I'm calm now. But now do you see why I freaked out about this?

I'm sorry, but I see no coherent plot, no interesting events, no logic- I don't think there's anything salvageable in this fanfic!

* * *

_The author looked at the items Lugia was holding, something the author had just taken notice of. He had a ball-gag, a form-fitting puppy suit, a shock collar with a leash on hand, and worst of all, a phone capable of taking pictures and uploading them to the Internet. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was going to do with those things._

_**"LUGIA…" **the author sighed. **"I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET, BUT ASK YOURSELF… ISN'T THIS A BIT TOO DRASTIC? I MEAN, HUMILIATING DARKRAI ON THE INTERNET WHILE POTENTIALLY SCARRING HIM FOR LIFE? SOMEONE NOT INTO THAT STUFF WOULD BE TERRIFIED! I DON'T THINK EVEN SHAYMIN WOULD DO THIS! AND AS COWARDLY AS IT WAS, DARKRAI DOESN'T DESERVE…"**_

_The author got cut off by an angry Lugia. "HELL YES! HELL YES HE DOES!" he screamed furiously at him. Rage began to fill through Lugia's body and spirit._

_"THOSE FANGIRLS MADE ME THEIR BITCH, NOW DARKRAI'S GOING TO BE MINE!"_

_The rage flowing through Lugia became so overwhelming that a dark aura started to surround him, changing his physical appearance._

_**"Uh, L-Lugia…" **the author stuttered._

_"HE'S GOING TO BEG! HE'S GOING TO CRY! AND HE'S GOING TO BOW BEFORE HIS NEW MASTER!"_

_The dark aura began to change his skin color, warping it to an ominous and evil shade of purple. His eye color went from a crystal-clear blue to a dark and demonic red._

_**"Uh oh." **the author meekly realized. **"This is bad. Really bad."**_

_"DARKRAI WILL BOW BEFORE HIS NEW MASTER… SHADOW LUGIA!"_

* * *

_(Keldeo's eyes lit up as a heavenly light shone down around him)_

Oh my gosh, an actual plot point! An actual event! An actual conflict that's actually potentially interesting!

* * *

_And with those words, the new Shadow Lugia kicked the door to Darkrai's room down. The loud crash it made on the other side caused Darkrai to jump up from his bed, extremely startled. He slowly looked over to the beast that had come in. What he saw chilled him to the bone._

_It was Lugia. But it wasn't the Lugia he knew. Only one look at him and he knew that Lugia wasn't the same anymore. He was heartless. He was soulless. He was XD001… Shadow Lugia._

_"L-Lugia?" Darkrai asked nervously, understandably trembling with fear._

_"You… you abandoned me. Left me to be a slave to demented fangirls. Nothing but a toy for their sick, sexual, and erotic desires."_

_Darkrai began to shake heavily, almost as if he was having a spasm as he saw the objects in the corrupted Lugia's hands._

_"Now… you're my slave. You're going to be nothing. Nothing without your master. I AM your master and you will have no mercy at my hands."_

_Darkrai was horrified at this point as Lugia approached him with the items. It was at that moment he realized…_

_He had to fight._

_The Dark-type Legendary gathered his courage. "I am Darkrai, the Legendary Pokémon." he said to Shadow Lugia in a nervous, yet affirmative tone. "And I am no one's pet, slave, bitch, or whatever other nasty words you want to throw out there! You don't own me!"_

* * *

YES! Darkrai isn't a wimp anymore! He's gonna fight! There's going to be an actual battle! The story is really going somewhere!

* * *

_A psychotic Shadow Lugia appeared!_

_Go, Darkrai!_

_Darkrai used Shadow Ball!_

_Shadow Lugia took 29 damage!_

* * *

And he makes it funny by making it like a Pokemon Video Game!

* * *

_"Now, you'll be nothing but a helpless bitch for my every command!" Shadow Lugia yelled._

_Shadow Lugia used Attach Items!_

_Darkrai dodged the ball gag!_

_Darkrai dodged the puppy suit!_

_Darkrai got the shock collar attached!_

_Darkrai used Dark Pulse!_

_SMAAASH!_

_Shadow Lugia took 559 damage!_

_"Far from over!" the corrupted Lugia shouted to Darkrai. "Behold my fury!"_

_Shadow Lugia turned the shock collar's dial up to 11!_

_Darkrai gulped nervously!_

_Shadow Lugia used…_

_Suddenly, the battle was interrupted by the New Age Retro Hippie!_

_Darkrai and Shadow Lugia stare confused at the New Age Retro Hippie!_

_Darkrai questioned the author's sanity (again)!_

_Shadow Lugia wondered how this guy got here!_

_New Age Retro Hippie used Flash!_

* * *

_(Keldeo's eye twitched)_

What's with the Hippie-? Nevermind! Not even that can ruin this moment! This story is actually going somewhere! This is amazing!

* * *

_Shadow Lugia shouted: "Oh god, my eyes!"_

_Shadow Lugia is paralyzed!_

_Darkrai took advantage of the opportunity!_

_Darkrai used Dark Void!_

_Shadow Lugia was pulled into the Dark Void!_

_Shadow Lugia fell asleep!_

_Darkrai used Escape!_

_Escaped successfully!_

* * *

So Darkrai escapes and runs to tell the other Legendaries that Lugia has turned into Shadow Lugia.

* * *

_Everyone was stunned into silence. Even Shaymin, who would normally mock Darkrai in such a humiliating event. Several awkward minutes went by before someone spoke up. Surprisingly, it was Shaymin._

_"…Wow." she muttered. "I… might be psychotic. I might be evil. Hell, I could even be the spawn of Satan himself! But even I have standards to uphold."_

* * *

What? Shaymin's done stuff a lot worse than trying to enslave Darkrai! I guess Shadow Lugia has some sexual intentions, and Shaymin never made threats of that kind? Quite frankly, Shadow Lugia is a better villain that Shaymin! At least he has cooler attacks and actually looks intimidating. And he actually has reasons for his evil plan, unlike Shaymin who's just evil for the sake of being evil!

Well, maybe this will help Shaymin to change? I mean, Shaymin only has an anger problem, is insensitive, pulls cure pranks, and steals things. That can be fixed. I mean, check out this scene back in Chapter 15: End of the Rising Sun.

* * *

_"Psycho and proud." she smirked. "But seriously, I have never seen you so… so… dead, without actually being dead. What's going on?"_

_Darkrai sighed, thinking about the past events. "I…" he stopped for a moment. "Wait a second. You love to prank and humiliate me, the same way Rayquaza loves blackmail. Why should I tell you?"_

_Shaymin sighed. "I confess. I was going to prank you, but then I saw you sitting here, being like… this. And, you know, there's no point to pulling a prank on you if you wouldn't even have a reaction. It sucks all the fun away."_

_"Yeah… it probably does, doesn't it?"_

_"So, what's going on? What's your problem?" Shaymin asked._

_"…I chickened out, that's my problem."_

_"Yeah, I heard that from under the booth… but chickened out of what?"_

_Darkrai sighed. "Well, I might as well tell you. Earlier today, me, Lugia and Rayquaza went out for some lunch. We were looking for a nice restaurant to go to. Unfortunately, we were also three bishonen males out on the streets of Tokyo, Japan."_

_Shaymin nodded. "I think I see where this is going."_

_Darkrai continued. "We were chased by… fangirls. Very scary, very insane fangirls. The yaoi kind."_

_"Oh dear god." Shaymin realized. "So… you guys escaped?"_

_"Well, I did. Lugia and Rayquaza… not so much. I slammed the door behind them and kept it shut because I didn't want to be attacked by those… demons. Demons from Hell, that's the best way to describe them."_

_"You mean to say, that you left Lugia and Rayquaza, two bishonen males in Human Forme, out there? With fangirls more psychotic than me?"_

_Darkrai slinked back in the chair, cowering. "…Kinda. I… don't know where they took them. I've been sitting here ashamed of myself since."_

_Shaymin sighed. "You know what, Darkrai? I'm going to be blunt with you. You should've manned up. You should've helped them fight off those insane creatures, and MAYBE they wouldn't have been kidnapped!"_

_Darkrai sighed again. "I know…"_

_"But…" Shaymin interrupted._

_"But what?"_

_"Sure, you cowered out. And sure, you could've handled the situation better. But you know what? You can't change what happened. We didn't bring Dialga with us. And it's time for you to stop moping around in here and make things right. It's time for you to man up, get out of here, and save their asses."_

_"I suppose you're right…"_

_"No. I AM right." she told him upfront._

_"But I don't even know where they took them. How am I supposed to figure out where they are?"_

_"Darkrai, let me tell you something about insane yaoi fangirls. Wherever they go, they leave a path of destruction and devastation behind. It's only been… how long has it been?"_

_**"THREE HOURS."**_

_"Oh thank you. Darkrai, it's only been three hours. Just look outside. There is a pretty obvious path of destruction they created. Just follow the path of torn down buildings, the smashed up walls, and the bodies of dead people." she smiled. "You'll be there in no time."_

_Darkrai looked at her in complete horror. "Suddenly, I wish I wasn't in this story anymore."_

_Shaymin crawled up onto the table. "Now, get out of here and save them. Before I throw a Seed Flare in your face."_

_"Y-Yes, ma'am."_

* * *

There, she actually helped Darkrai there. Maybe she can change after this misadventure.

So, anyway, Shadow Lugia comes in and prepares to attack!

* * *

_Pokémon © Nintendo / Game Freak_

_A cliffhanger! Dun dun duuuuuun!_

_Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! And see what happens when we return!_

_"Hey author, is the chapter over?" the 'Shadow' Lugia asked._

_"Yeah, why?"_

_"Cause I need to take this latex Shadow Lugia suit off. It's starting to chafe again…"_

_**"CUT! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PART OF THE FIC!"**_

_**"*SIGHS* I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR WRITING THIS INSANITY."**_

* * *

That's actually funny too! It's like they're making a movie with special effects and costumes! Okay, so next chapter: Bring Me to Life!

* * *

_"This isn't going to turn out well…"_

_Rayquaza said what he thought would be his last words. The group found themselves exhausted and unable to counter him, with even nine of them not being a match for Shadow Lugia's powers._

* * *

Wow! Shadow Lugia's that powerful! Oh my gosh, this is going to be epic!

* * *

_"Is this really it?" he thought. "Are we all going to die here? For real? Is the author really going to let this happen?"_

* * *

Oh boy, this is gonna be good! They're gonna have to fight for their lives! Even Shaymin! Character development! Ha! I knew AuraWielder was a genius!

* * *

_Shadow Lugia faced the rest of the Legendary Pokémon. "Now… you're ALL going to…"_

* * *

_(Keldeo's face is filled with glee)_

Here it comes!

* * *

_As Shadow Lugia looked on to the group, he saw that they were genuinely terrified. Taking a glance at Mew, he could see that she was in tears. Something incredibly rare to see from someone usually so happy and bouncy. He looked over the rest of them. Some of the guys had tears in their eyes, horrified. They seemed to know that if this story continued as it was, they were all going to die. Jirachi, on the other hand, simply stood there, prepared for death if it should so happen. Even Arceus herself felt powerless, unable to stop Lugia's Shadow Powers._

_Seeing every terrified face, he couldn't take it anymore. He ran over to the entire group…_

_…_

_…_

_…And HUGGED them._

_"I'm so sorry, guys!" he sobbed, tears rolling down his eyes. "I'm not Shadow Lugia, this is just a fake suit! It was supposed to be an act, but I just couldn't stand it anymore! The author wanted me to totally lose it, and go all berserk to build up drama! He promised me a record deal for my debut album, b-b-but I-I just… couldn't. I'm so sorry. Forgive me."_

_The author growled. **"CUT!"**_

* * *

_**. . . . . . . .**_

_(Keldeo is very calm)_

I am not angry. . .I'm just. . .disappointed. . . .but hey! Lugia hugged his friends! That's something. . .I'm grasping at straws though. . .at least we had something descent going on for a while. I mean, AuraWielder could have done something very stupid like. . .I don't know. . .fuse the Shadow Lugia costume with that dog suit Lugia was gonna make Darkrai wear and make it come to life-

* * *

_"You'll see what I mean. So Darkrai wanted to ask me for a favor. He wanted me to bring his… ugh… 'Mr. Snuggles' to life."_

_Lugia stared at him, and then glared over at Darkrai. "Why on earth would you want your teddy bear brought to life?"_

_"…I get lonely."_

_"And you went along with it?" Lugia said to Giratina, disbelief in his voice._

_"Well, I never actually tried it on an inanimate object before and… I was curious. And it was just his teddy bear so I thought, 'Well, why not?'"_

_"OK… but that still doesn't explain why my suit and mask are, you know, ALIVE?!"_

_Giratina winced from the slight scream. "I'm getting to that, Mr. Impatient." he snarked. "When I was trying to use the spell, Rayquaza had come into my room for a brief moment to talk to me. I was in the middle of the most intensive part of the spell. If my concentration is broken, the spell can misfire. When he came in, my concentration broke and my thoughts just very briefly hovered over to the suit and mask I planned to put him in. I quickly shooed him out, telling him to come back later. But by that point, the spell had already been cast. Guess what came to life instead of the teddy bear?"_

* * *

_(Keldeo is frozen in his calm position. His only movement is his breathing)_

* * *

_Now, the suit came over and crawled up onto the bed. He looked at Lugia, as if anticipating something._

_"What does it want?" Giratina wondered._

_"I think… and I'm no expert…" Lugia reminded them. "…But I think it wants to be worn."_

_The suit and mask yipped happily again, seemingly proving Lugia's theory right._

_"Question is, who's gonna wear it?" Lugia asked._

_"YOU wear it." Darkrai insisted. "I'VE got no interest in getting possessed like you did."_

_"I already told everybody, I faked that. The suit doesn't have the powers to possess someone."_

_The trio looked at the suit and mask again, simply staring and finding it very hard to believe what was happening in front of their eyes._

_"This is so weird." Lugia declared. "Then again, plenty of weird things have happened in this fic."_

_"Well no, DUH." Darkrai snarked at him. Lugia simply ignored him._

_Giratina glanced at the suit again. As weird as the situation was, the sentient suit was clearly quite harmless. He was sure that it wasn't going to harm any of them if they wore it. If anything, with its' giddy behavior of jumping up and down on the bed and pawing at them was any indication, it just wanted to go on a walk of sorts._

_"I guess… I can wear it?" Giratina said, slightly uncertain._

_With those words, the suit and mask happily pounced on Giratina, the force knocking Lugia and Darkrai off the bed. Before any of them could even react, the suit quickly changed shape to accommodate for Giratina's larger body size. It fit and zipped itself onto Giratina's body tightly, with the Renegade Pokémon feeling awkward the entire time. And as soon as it began, it was over._

_Giratina looked over himself. The suit had changed into a perfect fit for him. It had also changed his outer appearance, taking on the color scheme of Shadow Lugia. He shifted awkwardly in the suit and mask, trying to get used to the feel. Unlike Lugia, he didn't find the whole thing exciting. But he did find it interesting._

_"I'm going to admit…" Giratina chuckled. "This is certainly something interesting. At least it'll make for a fascinating observation and experience."_

_The mask barked happily from near where Giratina's mouth was, happy to be taken on a walk._

* * *

_(Keldeo slowly melts out of his frozen clam expression and slumps onto the ground as if he was a melting snowman. He sighed and said in a tone of surprise.)_

I owe the author Glory for Sleep a lot. Reading and reviewing _Nine in the Afternoon _helped me to handle extremely bizarre and crazy occurrences in Fan-fiction. But besides that, I'm a Sword of Justice, I don't go crazy and out of my mind about things. Sure, I smashed solid rock pillars at first, but now, the most I would do would be to scream and fire a few random attacks. But after learning how to handle things I don't agree with in Fan-fictions properly from _Nine in the Afternoon, _I don't feel enraged or crazy after this. These characters aren't at all like their true selves, so I don't feel sorry for them. This story was so bizarre that I _expected_ something weird like this to happen. This whole Fanfic is a pile of psychotic weirdness, and AuraWielder knows it. That's what he was trying to do. He constantly admitted it in the story. So, in this case, I can't say this story is bad. It did what it was created to do. Therefore, this story was a triumph. A huge success.

_GLaDOS: It's hard to overstate my satisfaction._

However, in the end, I don't like stories like this. Thousands of people enjoy this story. I'm one of the one who didn't like it. In fact, it was a struggle for me to read this thing. I had to read the whole thing and make a review it in 24 hours just to get it over with. So I had to go through a lot of strain. There was some sexual stuff in it to, which made it a little more painful for me. Shaymin, a cute little friendly character in the movie, was a total psychopath for no reason. There was speed shipping, too much violence, destruction all over the place, and implied swearing. Plus, the whole thing was annoying and more random than Pinkie Pie and Discord combined. _Son of the Mask_ was tamer than this. I was so overwhelmed at some points. But I was able to handle it, so you don't have to pay for any therapy, AuraWielder, I'm right a rain. Just don't put me in this story and I'll be fine.

But this isn't like _Vegeta in Jubilife _which really was bad. This story was a parody. A sandbox. The Gary's Mod of Pokemon Fanfiction. And AuraWielder is the crazy faced G-Man of this story. It can't be taken seriously. It's a Bizarro Land just for fun and whackiness for wildly characterized Legendary Pokemon to go through. AuraWielder isn't a hater, and you shouldn't be one either. AuraWielder is a comic genius. I mean, think about it! This guy wrote _Slaves and Soldiers, Death and Damnation, Breaking the Chains, _and is planing an epic sequel to _Breaking the Chains _in the near future! And look! He can still write crazy over the top humor! This guy is INCREDIBLE!

So, I'm going to wash my hooves of this thing, and never read it again. It's just too much for me. I prefer his serious stories that have the right amount of humor and proper characterization. If you like those crazy Nick and Cartoon Network shows, you'll like this story, so I suggest you favorite/follow it. If you like G stories and logical stories and stories where the characters act in character, then just don't read it. It's as simple as that. Let's all just get along.

Well, the pain is finally over for me. I'm Keldeo the Critic! I just reviewed a Pokemon Fan-Fiction!

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Portal _

_Half Life 2_

_Son of the Mask_

_Cartoon Network_

_Nickelodeon_

_My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

_Epic Rap Battles of History by Nicepeter_

_Nostalgia Critic- The Odd Life of Timothy Green_

_Nostalgia__ Critic- Master of Disguise_

_Enchanted_

_Disney_

Special Thanks to Glory for Sleep for helping Keldeo to hang onto his sanity during this.

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	42. An Icy, Cold Christmas- Chapters 1 to 3

The sun blazed down on the Swords of Justice. Terrakion and Keldeo were sparing with their Swords while panting and sweating in the heat. Virizion and Coballion were lying in the shallow water, desperately trying to stay cool.

Terrakion caught Keldeo on the side of the head with his Sacred Sword and knocked him down into the shallow water.

Keldeo got up and shook the moisture out of his hair, which was mostly perspiration. "Whew! It's soooo hot!"

"Well then, how do you think _we_ feel," Coballion said grumpily.

Terrakion laughed and said, "Well, Coballion, if you can't stand the heat, get out of the-."

"Don't. Just don't," Virizion grumbled.

Keldeo frowned, "This isn't fun. I hate it when you guys are grumpy."

Coballion frowned back at Keldeo, "Well, not all of us a fortunate enough to be a Water or Rock type. Hmph! I almost wish it was Winter. . ."

"_No,"_ Virizion said sternly.

Keldeo smiled and thought back, "Yeah. The Moor of Icirrus is so beautiful in Winter. The water's frozen, everyone can slide around on the ice, all the Christmas decorations. . ." Keldeo's eyes suddenly widened, "HEY! That's it! Christmas in July!"

"What?" Virizion asked, lifting her head up out of the water.

"Lot's of humans have Christmas in July parties and stuff! Why don't we! It might cool us down!" Keldeo said eagerly.

"Keldeo, I think the heat's making you delusional," Terrakion said worriedly.

"Ha. That's not funny," Keldeo said flatly.

"I don't take kindly to foolish human traditions," Coballion said, "Besides, how is pretending it's Christmas gonna cool us off?"

"It's all about having the right mindset!" Keldeo said cheerily, "If we think of cool snow, happy times, and the birth of the Savior; we'll be too happy to be hot."

Virizion groaned and got up out of the water, "Seeing as no one cares about the Grass-type, I think I'll lie in the shade. This hot sun is going to wilt me."

As Virizion walked off, Coballion got up to follow her, "Yes, that is a very good idea. Shelter from the sun will probably work better than wading in hoof-deep water."

Keldeo appeared slightly fed up, and he turned to another direction.

"Where are you going?" Terrakion asked.

"To the Moor of Icirrus," Keldeo replied without turning around, "I'm gonna have my own Christmas In July!"

"Doing what?" Terrakion asked.

Keldeo turned and said with a smile, "Reviewing a Christmas Pokemon Fanfic, of course!"

* * *

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- An Icy, Cold Christmas by FictionaryMan03895**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo the Critic! And I review Pokemon Fanfiction when I'm not training with the Swords of Justice!

Let's talk about Christmas in July traditions. Lots of people have Christmas in July specials, sales, parties, you name it! Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman even made a Christmas in July movie, which, by the way, WAS AWESOME! But why do people have Christmas in July events? Well, to answer that question, we have, from the _That Guy With Glasses_ website, Dr. Wiki!

_(Suddenly, a humanoid figure in lab coat with a hairy Wikipedia Globe for a head appeared. He adjusted his glasses, and began to speak telepathically.)_

_**Christmas in July**__ refers to Christmas-themed celebrations held in July._

_In the southern hemisphere, winter falls in July. Therefore in countries such as Australia, New Zealand and South Africa in order to have Christmas with a winter feel Christmas in July events are undertaken. However, Christmas in December, the usual month, is a far more common practice, despite it being summer._

_In the northern hemisphere some people throw parties during July that mimic Christmas celebrations, bringing the atmosphere of Christmas but with warmer temperatures. Parties may include Santa Claus, ice cream and other cold foods, and gifts. Nightclubs often host parties open to the public._

_In some western countries, July has a minor number of marketing opportunities. In the United States and Canada, there are no national holidays between the first week of July (Canada Day on July 1 in Canada and the Fourth of July in the United States) and Labo(u)r Day (the first Monday in September for both the US and Canada), leaving two months with no holidays. (Some Canadian provinces hold a Civic Holiday in August, but this is not a national holiday.) The late July period provides relatively few opportunities for merchandising, since it is typically after the peak of summer product sales in June and early July, but before the back to school shopping period begins in August. Therefore, to justify sales, shops (such as Leon's in Canada) will sometimes announce a Christmas in July sale._

Thank you Dr. Wiki! So, I guess it is my duty to reward you all with a little Christmas in July special of my own! This time, I'm going to review a Christmas Pokemon Fanfiction! That's right! It's _Christmas In July _on _Keldeo the Critic!_

_(Music suddenly started up and Meloetta flew in and started singing)_

_It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year  
There'll be much mistltoeing  
And hearts will be glowing  
When love ones are near  
It's The Most Wonderful Time-  
It's The Most Wonderful Time-  
It's The Most Wonderful Time. . . . ._

_ Of The Year!_

Thanks Meloetta! I never get tired of your amazing voice! So, the story I'm going to review is another FictionaryMan03895 fanfic! That's right, we'll be seeing my friend Ryan the Lucario again, as well as his human brother and the other Pokemon on the team! So, let's start with the summary!

* * *

_A Christian Devotional/Real World Fanfic/Short Story. When a grovyle is not comfortable with what an eevee wants to evolve into, conflict begins to put their friendship in danger. And when a young lucario finds his human brother's favorite book trilogy, he may have to give two parts of it up for a stranger's daughter who might not live to read the whole thing. R&R, please._

* * *

Now this seems interesting. We actually have some sort of conflict to keep the story going. We have two very interesting plot points here. Well, let's start with _Chapter1- A New Friend, A New Family._

So, we start on Christmas Eve in 2011, in a Pokemon Laboratory. Some kids are picking out their starter Pokemon.

* * *

_Inside the Pokémon laboratory, a man with a red polo shirt, black jeans, a white lab coat, and brown hair was letting two children each pick their starter Pokémon. On the table were three, an Oshawott, a Tepig, and a Treecko. The two kids were mainly focused on the cuteness of the Oshawott and Tepig._

* * *

_One of these things is not like the others, _

_One of these things just doesn't belong, _

_Can you tell which thing is not like the others _

_By the time I finish my song? _

_Did you guess which thing was not like the others? _

_Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong? _

_If you guessed Treecko is not like the others, _

_Then you're absolutely...right!_

And why does Treecko not belong here? Becuase he's not a Unova starter! Oshawoot and Tepig are Unova starters. Treecko isn't. So why is he here? Yeah, I should probably mention that this story takes place in the Real World, so there is no Unova or Kanto or Shinnoh. But it is kinda weird that you have 2 Unova starters and a Sinnoh starter.

Well, Treecko isn't chosen, which makes him cry, of course.

* * *

_The two kids chatted so excitedly about getting ID cards that they never noticed how sad the lonely Treecko was feeling at the moment. As the man escorted the kids and their new Pokémon into the hallway, the Wood Gecko Pokémon with now-teary eyes sat down, curled up in a fetal postion, and started to cry._

* * *

_(Bells Will Be Ringing by the Eagles starts playing)_

_O Bells will be ringing  
this sad sad sad news  
Oh what a Christmas  
to have the blues  
My baby's gone  
I have no friends  
To wish me greetings  
once again_

* * *

_As the lonely Treecko continued to cry, the sliding doors opened, and a snow-covered Eevee ran inside and shook the snow off of him. The little Eevee looked up at the weeping Treecko, and jumped up onto the table. He came over to the Wood Gecko Pokémon, who looked up with tears in his eyes at him._

* * *

Hello. . .random Eevee that just ran in out of nowhere? Couldn't she have been another starter, already in the lab?

* * *

_"Eevee? (Are you okay?)" the Evolution Pokémon asked sympathetically._

_"Treecko. Tree treecko tree cko, tree treecko. Tree treecko, treecko tree tree cko. Treecko tree treecko. Treeko! Tree treecko! (I'm all alone. Five children came in today and picked out five Pokémon, and I was never picked. All I just want is a friend, but no one ever picks me. This is the fifth time I've sat on this table, watching every other Pokémon be chosen. It's not fair! It's just not fair!)" the Wood Gecko wailed as tears flowed out of his eyes._

_"Eevee. (I'm sorry.)" the little Eevee said kindly to the little Treecko, who looked up with surprise and disbelief. "Eevee. Ee eevee eev vee, eev vee eevee. (I know how you feel. I've searched for a friend before, and have been constantly ignored, too.)"_

_"Tree, treecko tree cko tree… tree treecko? (Well, do you think that maybe… we can be friends?)" the Treecko asked as he started to smile._

_The little Eevee smiled as he said, "Eevee… Ee eev vee eevee. (I think… we should be best friends.)"_

_The little Treecko beamed as tears of joy streamed out of his eyes, and he hugged the Eevee who was his new friend. Then the man and the two children with their new Pokémon came back._

* * *

You don't have to put their names over and over again. Just put their words in parentheses, we all know parentheses mean translated Pokemon, and italics means telepathy. Having the word Treecko a hundred times kinda clutters up the screen.

And also, they just met. How can they be best friends already?

* * *

_Then the man looked at the snow-covered floor, and then at the table where the Eevee and Treecko were sitting. "Where did you come from?" the man asked the Evolution Pokémon, who felt intimidated by the man staring down upon him;_

* * *

_Eevee: Uh. . .the author did it!_

* * *

_then the man looked at the Treecko. "Hmm- This is your fifth time here, isn't it?"_

_The Wood Gecko Pokémon nodded in response._

_"Well, maybe it's time for your waiting to pay off," the man said with a smile. The Treecko was surprised at what he meant. "Well, it is Christmas, and I think-" he looked back over at the Eevee, "-that the two of you deserve a nice treat." The Wood Gecko Pokémon and the Evolution Pokémon looked at each other and then at the man to hear what he had to say._

* * *

Gee. . .I wonder who this nice man is?

_(Keldeo winked with emphasis)_

So the next day is Christmas Day, and we meet up with the other two main characters, Ryan the Riolu and Jordan the human! And what do you know! The nice man was Jordan's father!

* * *

_December 25, 2011_

_In a family living room, there was a family of three humans and one riolu; the riolu was wearing a red collar with a silver buckle on it, and a boy with brown hair was wearing red pjs with thin green horizontal and vertical lines. The boy and the riolu were at the Christmas tree, and the boy was opening up one of his presents. When he tore off the red wrapping paper, he revealed a black box that had a cellular phone on the front, and it said on the side "iPhone 3GS."_

_"No way!" the boy said with excitement. "My very own cell phone?" He turned around and looked at his parents (the father being the man from the laboratory),_

* * *

You didn't have to tell us! You could've had us figure that out ourselves! I hope FictionaryMan doesn't try writing a mystery!

* * *

_who were both on the couch. "But- what about that other iPhone I saw in the mail earlier this month? Doesn't it go to Grandpa, or Adam or Ben?"_

_The little riolu groaned and facepalmed himself._

_"Jordan, that is the iPhone you saw when you peaked into the package," the man chuckled. "We just didn't tell you because we didn't want to spoil the surprise."_

_"Ohhhh-," Jordan said awkwardly,_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

So, after that, we then learn about Ryan's love of Star Wars.

* * *

_On the wrapping paper were four figures; one with white armor and orange hair and beard, one who was female with orange skin and white tails on her head, one with brown hair and dark clothes, and one short and green with pointy ears; and all four were wielding sabers if light; the green guy and orange female's were green, and the other two's were blue._

_Ryan was able to recognize the characters as Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ashoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker and Yoda from Star Wars: The Clone Wars. If there was one franchise that the little riolu loved, it was Star Wars. Ryan's tail started wagging slowly as if he already knew what it was._

_Jordan gave the present to Ryan, started ripping the wrapping paper off, thus revealing a plastic light grey cylinder with a red button close to the top. The little riolu pressed down on the red button, raised the toy up, and then swiped it down, thus bringing out a plastic, round blue blade that was three feet long. Ryan's face lit up like the lights on the tree, and his tail wagged faster than before._

_"Whoa! This is awesome!" Ryan said as he played with his new toy. "I-I feel like a Jedi!" Then he turned to Jordan and said, "Jordan, thank you so much!" Then he set the toy lightsaber down on the carpet, and then rushed up to Jordan and wrapped his arms around him; the little riolu's tail was still wagging. "This is the best-"_

_"Now, hang on for minute, Sport," the man said as he stood up from the couch. "Don't just say it just yet. Your older brother still has one more present to open."_

* * *

Now for those of your who've read Summer Part 1 Attempt 1, this scene was seen in a flashback. Anyway, Jordan's final gift is none other than a Pokedex and the permission to become a Pokemon Trainer. _AND. . ._

* * *

_Ryan replied. "Why don't we see what two new pokémon we got?"_

_"Alright, alright. I'll pull them out," Jordan said. And so, Jordan pulled the two baseball-sized poké balls and opened them up, thus letting out the Treecko and Eevee from the lab._

_The Wood Gecko Pokémon and the Evolution Pokémon gasped as they looked upon the fourteen-year-old boy, who pointed the pokedex at the two and turned it on._

_**"Treecko. The Wood Gecko Pokémon. ****Having tiny spikes in its hands and feet, it can climb high trees and walls. Treecko is said to live in massive forest areas."**_

_******"Eevee. The Evolution Pokémon. ****Eevee can adapt to any environment that it is in, thus making it its habitat. It can also evolve into one of seven evolutionary forms."**_

_Then Jordan went over to his three pokémon, and knelt down to be closer to them._

_"Hi, my name is Ryan," the little riolu said as extended a paw out to one of the two new pokémon. "What are your names?" The Treecko and the Eevee looked at each other in confusion, and then back at Ryan in confusion. "Oh, that's right. You guys don't have names. Well, we could always just call you by your species' names the way every other Pokémon Trainer or owner does."_

_"Nah, I don't think so," Jordan said. "I think you guys deserve names, 'cause you guys are part of the family, now." The Treecko and the Eevee were surprised at the word family, as if they thought that friendship was all the would get._

_"Hmm, now let's see," Jordan said as he thought about what to name them. But then he remembered that he can't just name a pokémon without knowing its gender; so he said to them, "Just before I come up with what to name you guys, I need to know whether each of you is a boy or a girl."_

_"Treecko," the Treecko replied._

_"Eevee," the Eevee replied._

_Jordan, unable to understand Pokémon speech, turned to Ryan, who could speak English due to a past operation on his brain. The little riolu looked at his human brother and said, "They're both boys."_

* * *

Aww man! Girl Eevees are cuter!

. . .not that I have anything against boy Eevees. . .ah whatever, moving on!

* * *

_"Thanks," Jordan replied to Ryan, and then he looked back at the two other pokémon. "Hmm. If I had to pick out two random boy names, they would be-" Jordan was silent for a brief moment, and then he snapped his figures. "-I got it! How about I name you-" he said to the Treecko, "-Kyle. How does that sound?"_

_The little Treecko became so happy, that his eyes were tearing up. He leaped onto Jordan's chest and embraced him, and let his tears of joy stream down his face._

_"I'll take that as a yes, Kyle," Jordan said as he patted Kyle's back. Then he let the little Treecko down and looked at the Eevee. "Now, how about I name you Max. Does that sound good to you, little guy?"_

_"Eevee eevee!" the little Eevee, now officially named Max, happily chanted as he wagged his tail. The other two pokémon and the boy laughed as they understood what Max was saying, even though Jordan didn't understand Pokémon speech._

_"Well, Kyle and Max, welcome to the Konerson family," Jordan said to the Treecko and Eevee, who were so happy that they tackled Jordan; Kyle hugging and Max nuzzling on Jordan's chest._

* * *

And how else could cliched little cute happy scene end but with a family photo!

* * *

_"Hey mom!" Jordan called across the room, "Do you mind taking a picture of us?"_

_She didn't mind at all. She came over to the four of them and knelt down to be at equal height with Jordan, who was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed. He let Ryan sit on his right thigh and Kyle sit on his left thigh, and he let Max sit between the two. The fifteen-year-old boy and his riolu, treecko, and eevee happily smiled long enough for the mother to count to three and take the picture._

_**To Be** **Continued**_

* * *

Time for a fun fact!

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**_

_**Fun fact: That iPhone incident, where my avatar accidentally found his iPhone before Christmas day, actually happened to me last year. And I actually thought that it was for my grandfather. Man, did I screw up an awesome Christmas surprise!**_

* * *

And so, we go off Chapter 2: The Next Year. . .which takes place next year on December 23! It even begins with Jordan looking at the picture! Clever!

* * *

_**Chapter 2: The Next Year**_

_December 23, 2012_

_In his bedroom, Jordan was on his computer, looking at the picture of him, Ryan, Kyle, and Max. He smiled as he remembered his mom taking the picture with his new iPhone almost an entire year ago. Since then, however, much has changed. One of the things that – or who – has changed was on Jordan's bed; it was Ryan – a few months ago, he had evolved from a riolu into a lucario. He was still able to talk due to his mutation,_

* * *

Awww, no! Ryan could talk because Jordan's dad used _brain surgery_! I hate it when author's ret-con their own stories. Ehh, but maybe it was just an accident.

* * *

_and he had a more teenager-like voice. But what was different – besides his physiology – was that he was wearing a red collar larger than the one he wore as a riolu; the one that prevented him from evolving. But this collar had a silver dog tag on it, with Ryan's first and last name printed on the tag._

* * *

So, Ryan and Jordan are reminiscing about last Christmas.

* * *

_"I was so happy to have that lightsaber toy. Although I hate to hurt your feelings, but I think my favorite move, Bone Rush, replaced it," Ryan said as he chuckled._

_Bone Rush was a Ground-Type move that only a few Pokémon can learn, and Ryan's species was one of those Pokémon; what makes it special to Ryan is that it consists of five-foot-long bone made of green energy, which looked similar to a lightsaber from Star Wars._

_"No offense taken, little bro," Jordan said. "Besides, Luke Skywalker had a blue lightsaber in Episodes IV and V, and then a green lightsaber in Episode VI."_

_"Hey, that does make me feel like Luke!" Ryan said with excitement. "Except, Luke lost his lightsaber when Vader cut his hand off." Then the young lucario shivered at the thought of his paw being cut off by Darth Vader - who is Anakin Skywalker, thus Luke's father, in the original Star Wars trilogy._

* * *

Alright, we get it! Ryan likes Star Wars! Can't we talk about something else?

* * *

_"Come on!" snapped Jordan. "What is not to like about The Hunger Games, other than the fact that it's about kids fighting each other to the death on live TV?_

* * *

_(Keldeo waved his hoof frantically)_

No-no-no! Go back to Star Wars! Go back to Star Wars!

So, the next morning, Christmas Eve, we meet Alice, Jordan's love interest.

* * *

_"Jordan! Alice is here to see you!"_

_At that, Jordan was suddenly nervous. "Uh-I-I'll be right there, mom!" Jordan called out towards the bedroom door, and then he quickly got on a pair of blue jeans and a red thermal shirt._

_Then he rushed downstairs and into the entry way, where Jordan's mom was standing next to a fifteen-year-old girl with black hair, worn back by a pink hair band, and emerald green eyes; she was wearing black jeans and an olive green coat._

_Jordan thought that she was so pretty, he was so speechless. He got lost in staring at Alice that the only thing that could awaken him back into reality was when Ryan came in and said:_

_"Alice! Hi!"_

_"Hey there, Ryan," Alice said as she knelt down on one knee to let the young lucario come closer to her. He started licking her face, thus causing her to laugh. "Okay. Okay, buddy! You can stop now," Alice laughed as she rubbed Ryan's head._

_"How's Scruffy doing?" the young lucario asked, referring to – what he thought was - the fifteen-year-old girl's lillipup._

_"Oh! Awesome! Scruffy evolved into a herdier last night, and his tail hasn't stopped wagging since then."_

_"He evolved into a herdier? That's awesome, Alice!" Ryan said._

_"Yeah," Jordan sighed as he looked up at the ceiling. "That's awesome."_

_"Um, Jordan, what are you doing?" Ryan asked with slight laughter._

_"Just making sure that there aren't any-uh, um-mistletoes," Jordan said carelessly. Then his face turned red as his mom, Alice, and Ryan were staring at him. "Uh-um-I mean-" Jordan said, trying to divert suspicion. "-so that you guys won't have to kiss under it," Jordan said as he made a gesture to Ryan and Alice. "I mean, that would be weird, in a bad way, and against the laws of nature!"_

* * *

_(Aaron from "Breaking the Chains" stuck his head out and shouted)_

_"EXACTLY!"_

* * *

_"Are you sure it's not about you?" the young lucario asked, with a mischievous smile and a raised, left eyebrow. Jordan gave a serious glance at Ryan, thus making him stop. Ryan was the only one whom Jordan ever told that he had a crush on Alice, and he didn't want to blurt out any hints in front of her._

_"Soooo Alice," Jordan said, somewhat awkwardly, "Did your leavanny, Nanny, make those Santa hats that I requested for my pokémon?"_

_Alice nodded, and then she reached into a plastic bag and pulled out a Santa hat with two holes in the front. Then she knelt down to Ryan and put the hat on top of his head; his blue ears stood still as they went through the holes in the hat._

_"Wow," Ryan said as he looked at the hat on his head. "This is so cool. Thanks, Alice."_

_"You're welcome, Ryan," Alice said as she scratched Ryan's right ear, which was very soothing to him, and then laughed as she said, "Or should I call you Santa Paws?"_

_Everyone else in the room laughed._

* * *

_(A white little puppy dog with a crystal pendant around its neck stuck her head in.)_

_(Keldeo shouted at her)_

NO! NOT YOU! AND I HATED "SANTA BUDDIES!"

_(The white dog growled and left)_

And so, we get reintroduced to Max and Kyle.

* * *

_A few moments later, Jordan, Alice, and Ryan looked and saw the little eevee Max come into the entry way, and he was followed by Kyle, who had actually evolved into a grovyle earlier this year. They were very happy as they let the fifteen-year-old girl pet them and scratch their chins._

_"The Santa hats had a good touch of Christmas spirit. Which reminds me, be sure to thank Nanny for me, please."_

_"I will," Alice said as she stepped outside onto the front porch. "Well, I better get goin'. I need to be at the hospital in Oakridge City."_

_"Why?" Jordan asked as he stepped out with her, being followed by Ryan._

_"There are a few kids I've volunteered to take care of."_

_"Volunteer. Gee, Ryan, where have I heard a certain actress say that before? Was it in X-Men: First Class, or The Hunger-" Ryan elbowed Jordan, probably a bit too hard. "Ow!" Jordan groaned._

* * *

I don't get it. I guess Ryan's tired of hearing about the Hunger Games, I suppose. Not really funny. Kinda mean actually.

* * *

_"Sorry," the young lucario said to the fifteen-year-old boy, before turning to the girl. "What were you saying about kids at the hospital?"_

_"Well, there are a few kids at the hospital who've been diagnosed with leukemia."_

_Jordan was shocked. "Are you serious?"_

_"Wait, isn't that a type of cancer?" Ryan asked. "Can't people die from that?"_

_"Some can, yes. It makes me want to cry to know that kids are in this condition at the time of Christmas. I mean, they deserve better than this. And that's why I pray for them, and do everything I can to help them have a merry Christmas."_

_"Well, I think you're doing the right thing. I wish we could help," Jordan said. Then he awkwardly came over to Alice, and slowly and awkwardly hugged her._

_However, Alice quickly embraced Jordan, thus making him slightly uncomfortable, but also comfortable at the fact that he made Alice feel slightly better._

_Shortly after their hug, Alice said goodbye to Jordan and Ryan, and walked away._

_"I think you just got to first base, Jordan," Ryan said as he watched Alice walk on the side walk._

_"Maybe so," Jordan agreed with him. "But I'm more concerned about those kids. What can I possibly do?"_

_"I think I know what we can do right now," the young lucario said._

_"Me too," Jordan said as he and Ryan walked over to and sat down on the porch swing. Then put his hands together, and he and Ryan bowed their heads. And then Jordan began to pray:_

_"Dear God, thank You for this day, and thank You for everything that You have given us, O Lord. We just pray that You will put Your hand over those kids who have cancer, O Lord, and just help them to have a merry Christmas. In Jesus' name we pray, amen."_

_Then Jordan smiled, and as he looked up, he saw that Ryan was doing the same thing. It felt good for them to pray about it._

* * *

Wow. . .serious touching moment. . .

. . .

Okay, lunchtime!

* * *

_Later, the fifteen-year-old boy, the young lucario, and the rest of the boy's pokémon had lunch. Ryan was having his favorite food, PBn'J; what made it extra special was that the jam was homemade from the freshest of strawberries by Aunt Martha. Jordan was having a ham sandwich with provolone cheese, and a little bit of lettuce to go along with it. And the five other pokémon - Kyle the grovyle, Max the eevee, Sam the buizel, Robin the swellow, and Dragon the charmander - were having pokémon food, but they also had pieces of their favorite human foods to go along with their poké chow; Kyle was having left-over bacon from breakfast, Sam was having orange slices, and Max, Robin, and Dragon were having apple slices._

* * *

Well, what do you know, the whole gang's here!

* * *

_After Jordan finished his sandwich, he looked at Ryan and rubbed his head. Then he looked down on his right, where the rest of the pokémon were eating, and noticed that Max was missing._

_"Max?" Jordan called out as he got up from the table and walked into the living room. "Max! Where'd you go, buddy?" Then he heard the little eevee chant his name from above. He looked up at the upstairs balcony and saw Max wagging his tail and holding a piece of paper with his mouth._

_The little eevee ran down stairs and into the living room, where the fifteen-year-old boy knelt down and rubbed his head. "There you are, Max. Now what do we have here?" Jordan said as he easily took from Max's mouth. He flipped the paper over and saw the image of a pokémon that looked similar to Max, only it was light blue with darker-blue fur on its forehead. Jordan recognized it as the Ice-Type-evolved form of Eevee, Glaceon._

* * *

So, it turns out that Max was given pictures of all the Eeveelutions so he could decide which one he wanted. And so, he had finally chosen Glaceon. But wait! Kyle doesn't like Ice-types!

* * *

_The young grovyle hated the snow. He hated winter, and he hated Ice-Type Pokémon. Would this ice hatred affect or possibly destroy the friendship between Kyle and Max?_

_**To Be Continued**_

* * *

Conflict number one!

Conflict number two can be found in Chapter 3: Last-Minute Shopping. But wait, why last minute shopping? Why didn't they get the gifts early, like an intelligent Christmas shopper would!

* * *

_**Chapter 3: Last-Minute Shopping**_

_December 24, 2012_

_Later that day, the Konerson family split up to go last-minute Christmas shopping; Jordan, his dad, Kyle, Dragon, and Robin went to Toys "R" Us, while Jordan's mom, Ryan, Max, and Sam went to Barnes & Noble._

_At Toys "R" Us, Jordan was looking in the video games area, with Dragon on his back._

_Then he looked around for Kyle, but he didn't see him anywhere._

_"Robin, fly up and search the store for Kyle and then come back and lead us to him, okay, girl?"_

_"Swellow," Robin agreed. Then she flew up into the air and flew away to look for the young grovyle._

_Soon, Jordan paid for Sam's bouncy ball, Ryan's video game, and a few other toys. Then Robin returned and led Jordan and Dragon to Kyle, who was near the wooden trains section of the store._

_"Hey, Kyle," Jordan said as he walked up to the young grovyle, who was playing with the Thomas the Tank Engine toys. "How's it going?"_

_"Gro grovyle," Kyle sighed._

_Even though Ryan wasn't here, Jordan could understand by his tone-of-voice that he wasn't happy._

_"You've been very distant today. Ever since-" Jordan paused to think about it for a moment. "Ever since Max announced that he wanted to evolve into a glaceon."_

_Kyle remained silent as he moved the wooden Thomas train through the bridge._

_"Kyle," Jordan said as he got on one knee and patted the young grovyle's back, "I know that you hate Ice-type pokémon, but this is good for Max to grow up. At least physically."_

_Kyle ignored Jordan as he moved the wooden Henry train to the water tower._

_The fifteen-year-old boy sighed. "What's Max gonna think?" he asked the little charmander and young swellow. Then he looked down at the water tower one last time and thought to himself: They've been BFFs for an entire year now. Will it last only that long?_

* * *

I don't know. Why don't you sing about it!

_Bells will be ringing-_

No-no-no! I was just joking!

* * *

_In the kids section of Barnes & Noble, Max tried reach up to the wooden train table. Of course, he couldn't because he was only a foot in height, and the Thomas-themed train table was a foot high as well. Eventually, though, he gave up, and went around the table to look at the skyscraper of Thomas Wooden Railway toys. And right in front of him was a Thomas Water Tower set. Max knew that this was No. 1 on Kyle's list of Thomas Wooden Railway. It had Thomas, enough wooden tracks to make a figure-8, and of course a water tower. (Hence, the name Water Tower set.)_

* * *

_Wow, _everyone has their own little obsession in this story. Jordan with "_The Hunger Games"_, Ryan with _Star_ _Wars_, and now Kyle and Max with _Thomas_ _the Tank_ _Engine_. I wonder how they'd react to "Thomas and the Magic Railroad"?

_Mr. Conductor looked at the camera after landing on the sacks of flour and said, "Did you put all this here for me? You must have known I was coming! How kind of you!"_

_Max and Kyle looked very freaked out. Kyle turned shakily towards Max and said, "Are we Mr. Conductor's delusion? IS THIS ALL MR. CONDUCTOR'S DELUSION!?"_

I suppose Robin's gonna develop a thing for Batman soon!

_(There was suddenly the sound of people booing at the lame joke)_

Aw, can it! I could have said that Dragon's gonna develop a thing for Dragon _Tales_. . or _Dragons_: _Riders_ _of_ _Berk_. . .

So Max the Eevee and Sam the Buizel are looking for Ryan.

* * *

_"Eev ee ee-vee-eevee eev vee? (Where was C-3PO at this time?)" Max groaned while they were walking with Jordan's mom around the store._

_"Bui? (Who?)" Sam asked._

_"Eev vee eevee ee vee vee eevee eev-eevee vee eevee ee eevee eev eev eevee eev eevee (That's what Kyle and I call Ryan whenever we're trying to talk with humans like Jordan)," the little eevee clarified._

* * *

Gosh, that Pokemon speech is annoying!

And I guess they call Ryan C-3PO because he's the translator for them like C-3PO translated for R2-D2. But I always thought of C-3PO as being kinda clumsy and goofy. I'd take it as an insult. Sorry.

* * *

_It wasn't too long until the little eevee and buizel found the young lucario at the front of the store, talking to a man with dark skin._

_"Are you sure about this?" the man asked as he held up what was apparently hardcover copies of Catching Fire and Mockingjay. "You did just purchase these for your trainer."_

_"Brother," Ryan corrected. "And yes. Your daughter needs these books-better than him," he then said, slightly disappointed._

_"Well," the man said, and then rubbed the young lucario's head, "thank you."_

_"Don't mention it," Ryan said. Seriously, don't._

_(Just so we're clear, Ryan is not one of those lucarios who can speak with telepathy.)_

_"Well, I better get back to the hospital," the man said as he walked out the door. "Merry Christmas!"_

_"Merry Christmas," Ryan said, trying to sound happy. But after the man was gone, the young lucario frowned as he looked down at the one Hunger Games book in his paw._

_"Eevee? (Ryan?)" Max asked. "Eev ee vee? (What was that?)"_

_"Nothing, Max," Ryan replied._

_"Buizel bui zel? (Nothing at all?)" Sam asked._

_"Guys," Ryan said as he looked down to Max and Sam, "please just leave me alone."_

_And that's what they did. All the way home._

* * *

Three guesses to what just happened.

_(Music suddenly starts to play)_

_It was almost Christmas time_  
_There I stood in another line_-

NO! Don't play that song, I don't feel like crying right now!

So, everyone gets home, and Ryan's in a bad mood. Jordan gets him to open up, though.

_Tryin' to buy that last gift or two_  
_Not really in the Christmas mood_-

NO! I don't want to hear that song right now! That song always makes me cry!

* * *

_"What's wrong, little bro?"_

_"I don't want to talk about it, Jordan," Ryan said as he looked away from Jordan and at the edge of the bed._

_"Okay," said Jordan, "at least we have the fact that something is wrong. But what is it?"_

_"Jordan, I said I don't want to talk about it," Ryan said. "So please leave me alone."_

_"Ryan," Jordan said as he put his left hand on Ryan's left shoulder, "this not very usual for you to be acting like this."_

_"Why? Because it's Christmas Eve and that I'm supposed to be happy?" Ryan said._

_"No," Jordan replied. "Because we have a better brotherhood than that. And holding your problem down and keeping it to yourself isn't gonna help you."_

_The young lucario sighed and looked up at his human brother. "You're only asking for disappointment."_

_"I'll definitely be disappointed in you if you won't be honest with me," Jordan said._

_"Alright, big bro," Ryan said as he looked down at the floor. "I don't think I'm allowed to do this until tomorrow, but-" Ryan got off the bed and pulled The Hunger Games book from underneath, and then handed it Jordan. "-Merry Christmas."_

_Jordan took the book and looked down on it in his hand._

_"Ryan," Jordan said, "thanks." Then he looked back up at Ryan. "What about the other two-"_

_"I didn't get the other two books, Jordan," Ryan sighed. "I'm sorry."_

_"Hey, it's okay, little brother," Jordan said. "Maybe they were just sold out. I mean, that happens on Christmas Eve."_

_"Yeah," Ryan said sadly, "when I bought the last copies, they were."_

_Not even speaking like Yoda could make Ryan feel better._

* * *

Why _would_ speaking like Yoda make _anyone_ feel better!?

_Standing right in front of me was_  
_A little boy waiting anxiously_-

Stop it!

* * *

_"Wait, Ryan, what do you mean?" Jordan asked._

_The young lucario sighed and sat back down on the bed._

_"It's a long story," Ryan sighed. "I might as well start. You see, Jordan, while we were in line to pay for our items, I overheard a man asking a store employee for Catching Fire and Mockingjay. I didn't know why at first, but he sounded really desperate. And then – I read his thoughts."_

_"Dude!" snapped Jordan. "How many times have I told you not to do that?!"_

_"I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it," Ryan said, some-what guilty. "But it's a good thing I did."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because when I did," Ryan said, "I learned that he has a twelve-year-old daughter-who-who has leukemia."_

_Jordan was surprised. "Are you serious?"_

_The young lucario nodded. "They've already treated her with chemotherapy; and-she-she's lost her hair. And it gets worse."_

_"How worse?" Jordan said._

_"Well," Ryan said, "her uncle just came back from fighting as a U.S. Marine in Afghanistan, and he's having posttraumatic stress disorder; and his overreactions-h-have really been scaring her. And also, her parents got divorced; and her mom just left and her father never saw her again."_

_"Wow," Jordan said sadly, "sounds like she's going through a lot."_

_"Yeah, she has been," Ryan said. "I also learned from reading her father's mind that she's already read the first book – she's even seen the movie – and she's a little scared that she may not live to read the whole thing."_

* * *

I _really_ don't want to play the "Dragone Baby Gone" clip right now. I really don't. But the part with the uncle and the divorce is a little too much. I mean, isn't having Leukemia enough?! Why couldn't just stop there? We had a scene a while back that introduced Leukemia into the story. Did we need to make things even more depressing?

_Pacing 'round like little boys do_  
_And in his hands he held a pair of shoes_

Pleeeeaaassee stop that song! I'd rather hear "Bells Will Be Ringing"! Play that instead!

* * *

_"And so, after I had paid for the three books, I thought about all that I had learned. Then I asked one of the most important questions any Christian could ask: What would Jesus do? And that's when I thought that-that-I-I had to give him those two books so that her daughter would be happy for Christmas."_

_"So why are you so down?" Jordan asked. "You should be proud for doing something so Christian-like."_

_"That's the problem, Jordan," Ryan said sadly. "I am proud of myself; I was even happy to see that smile on the man's face. But in order to do make that guy's daughter happy, I had to break my promise to you; that I would get you all three books."_

_Jordan looked away from Ryan and at the Hunger Games book, and thought for a brief moment._

_"Well, Ryan," Jordan said, "if you didn't give that man those two books, his daughter would be a million times more disappointed-" The fifteen-year-old boy looked down at the young lucario and smiled. "-than what you'd think I'd be."_

_"Than what I'd think you'd be?" the young lucario asked in confusion._

_Jordan put his hand back on Ryan's shoulder after setting the book down behind them and said, "I'm not disappointed in you, Ryan. In fact, I'm proud of you; and, more importantly, God is proud of you."_

_Then Jordan picked the book back up and held it on his lap._

_"I'll tell you what, Ryan. This can be your kept promise," Jordan said as he held it up to Ryan. "After all, I'm not gonna read it in a whole day like some teenagers would. The point is that you did what was morally right, and I'm proud of you for that."_

_Then, for the first time since he came home, Ryan smiled. Then he carefully hugged Jordan without stabbing him with the spike on his chest._

_"Thanks, Jordan," the young lucario said with gratitude. "That really means a lot to me."_

* * *

Of course Jordan is proud of Ryan for doing the right thing. So it's all good! They're Christians. They're not materialistic. So that conflict was resolved in one chapter. That leaves the Max and Kyle conflict.

And I must say, the author was smart in sort of adapting the story from the song "Christmas Shoes"- DON'T PLAY THAT SONG!

_(The sad song started up again at full volume)_

_He counted pennies for what seemed like years_  
_Then the cashier said, "Son, there's not enough here"_  
_He searched his pockets frantically_  
_Then he turned and he looked at me_

_He said, "Mama made Christmas good at our house_  
_Though most years she just did without"_  
_Tell me sir, what am I going to do_  
_Somehow I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes  
_

Nooooooooo!

_(Keldeo collapsed and covered his face with his hooves)_

_So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out_  
_And I'll never forget the look on his face when he said_  
_"Mama's gonna look so great"_

Please, don't play the chorus-

_Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please_  
_It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size_  
_Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time_  
_You see she's been sick for quite a while_  
_And I know these shoes would make her smile_  
_And I want her to look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight_

_I knew I'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love_  
_As he thanked me and ran out_  
_I knew that God had sent that little boy_  
_To remind me what Christmas is all about_

Not the children's choir-

_(Keldeo then broke down into quiet sobbing)_

_Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please_  
_It's Christmas eve and these shoes are just her size_  
_Could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time_  
_You see she's been sick for quite a while_  
_And I know these shoes would make her smile_  
_And I want her to look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight_

_(Keldeo removed his hooves from his face and looked around. He sighed, wiped his eyes, and got up slowly and shakily)_

Well, that wasn't too bad. I mean, it could have been the version where the little kid sings the last two lines all soft and sadly-

_I want her to look beautiful_  
_If mama meets Jesus tonight_  
_  
_

_(Keldeo bursts into tears and runs off)_

I can't take it! I gotta go! We're at the half-way point anyway!

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	43. Comedy Skit 3

Keldeo splashed hoof-fulls of water onto his face as he stood near the patch of water in the Moor of Icirrus. He sighed as he sat down, the last of his tears gone.

"Man, I wish I could get my mind off of that sad song. The poor kid, with his mom sick and dying. . .but then the man pays for the shoes, like how Ryan gave the sick girl those books. . .a message of generosity and giving that carries the love of God. . . but the song is still so sad. . ." he said aloud.

"I can help with that!" a voice said.

Keldeo turned around and gasped, "YOU!"

There stood a human with a long white beard wearing a white robe and a Santa hat. In his hand he held a red staff with a diamond on top of it.

The man laughed heartily, "Ho-ho-ho! That's right, Keldeo!"

Suddenly, rock music started up to the tune of _"The First Noel"_, and it was accompanied by a male voice singing:

_Santa Christ! Santa Christ! We all love Santa Christ-_

"NO WE DON'T!" Keldeo shouted, and he fired a Focus Blast off-screen that hit the source of the music, silencing it with a bang.

The man blinked in confusion, "Keldeo! You are being a naughty little-"

"SHUT-UP!" Keldeo roared at the man, "You make me sick! Do you know why! Because you_ dare_ take the title of our Lord and Savior as your own! How DARE you, you cheap impostor! How dare you blaspheme the name of Jesus Christ! You're nothing like Him! NOTHING! He was perfect! Sinless! Holy God! You're just some magician who wants people to worship him! You couldn't possibly reach Jesus' level of purity and perfection! And you don't even try! If I'm remembering properly, I believe you are good friends with Satan! You even gave him back _The One DVD, _after deciding not to _use it indiscriminately for your own amusement! _You're even an insult to Santa Claus, too! Why are you even here? Did Satan send you here to see if his Twitter invention could help him take over the Pokemon World as well? Well, listen here, Santa _Anti-_Christ. If I ever see your blasphemous face around here again, I will personally send you blasting off with my Focus Blast! Get it!?"

The man stared at Keldeo in shock. But then he gathered his nerve and said, "You really think a My Little Pony reject can tell me what to do! You don't scare me! I am a servant of the secret Oscar, wielder of the thumbs of our lord. FanFiction shall not avail you, MLP REJECT! Go back to Equestria!"

He raised his staff.

"YOU...SHALL NOT...CRITIQUE!"

He slammed it down onto the ground.

. . .

. . .

. . . . . . . .

Nothing happened.

Keldeo stared at him.

"You're pathetic."

Keldeo fired at huge Focus Blast at the man, which sent him flying into the air.

"I NEED MY ROCKET SHIP!. . . . . ." he shouted at the top of his lungs as he disappeared into the distance as a twinkle in the sky.

Keldeo took a deep breath and then let it out.

"Ahhhh, I feel so much better now."


	44. An Icy, Cold Christmas- Chapters 4 to 6

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- An Icy, Cold Christmas by FictionaryMan03895**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

Wow! "Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice" was FictionaryMan's first Pokemon movie! Wow! I'm so honored! Okay, okay, back to the story. In _Chapter 4: Shattered Friendship_. . .that doesn't sound good. . .

Anyway, Jordan and Ryan are making M&M Christmas cookies, and have a quick discussion on how Ryan can eat chocolate. We get into a discussion on how Steel types are immune to poison and stuff, not really plot relevant, but interesting.

* * *

_"Well," Jordan said, "while we were on the way back from Toys 'R' Us, Dad and I decided to go by the lab later today."_

_"Really? On Christmas Eve? Why?"_

_"Remember from earlier today when I said that I would find a way for Max to evolve into a glaceon?" Jordan said. "Well, I think we just did."_

_"I checked in with some of my colleagues at the lab," the dad said, "and apparently, they have an Ice Rock, which is the exact kind of rock to evolve an eevee into a glaceon."_

* * *

Wait, "the dad"?

* * *

_"Oh, now I get it," Ryan said._

_"And I am thinking about bring Kyle and Max along," Jordan said._

_"What?! That is so not fair!" Ryan exclaimed._

_"Why not, Ryan?" the dad asked._

_The young lucario tried to think of the best way to explain this without revealing the fact that he and Jordan have already exchanged gifts today. "Because it's Christmas Eve and because you're not supposed to open up your presents until Christmas Day…and technically, giving Max the chance to evolve into a glaceon is his Christmas present…and I assume you"-he turned to Jordan-"want to bring Kyle along because you want to give him the credit, don't you?"_

_"Yes," Jordan sighed._

_"Alright, alright," Ryan said. "But if we're gonna turn on the radio, there better not be any annoying Christmas music on."_

_There was, and Ryan was covering the ears on top of his head all the way over to the lab._

* * *

Why does Ryan not like Christmas music? What's wrong with Christmas music?

_Bells will be ringing-_

AHHHH! No-no-no! Play something else!

_Grandma got run over by a reindeer-_

AHHHHHHHHHH! STOP IT!

Okay, okay, but to be fair, I was talking about "Holy Joly Christmas" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." Those are a lot of fun! Or how about Meloetta's rendition of "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?!

So they go to the lab and get the Ice Rock, and Jordan does the stupidest thing ever!

* * *

_Jordan held the Ice Rock in his hands very carefully, as his dad had just advised. Then he remembered something: he forgot to let Kyle out of his Poké ball. So he gripped the Ice Stone firmly in his left hand, pulled the Poké ball from his right pocket, and then let the young grovyle out._

_"Hey, Kyle," Jordan greeted as he squatted down to be at equal height with him. "You still wanna get Max something for Christmas?" Then he loosened the grip on the Rock and showed it to the young grovyle. "This will make Max evolve into a glaceon. So, if you want to, you can give this to him as a Christmas present."_

_No one in the room realized that Jordan just made a big mistake._

_Kyle glanced enviously at the Ice Rock and then swiped it out of Jordan's hand, sending it flying right into the wall, and CRASH! The Ice Rock shattered into pieces on impact, and fell onto the ground like broken glass._

_Jordan, his dad, and Ryan were shocked with what just happen while Kyle gave the remains of the Ice Rock an envious look that said, Good riddance._

_"Kyle!" Jordan shouted as he came back to his senses. "Look at what you've done! What's Max gonna think?"_

_"I think we're about to find out," Ryan said as he looked towards the doorway and saw that Max had seen everything._

_The little eevee couldn't believe his eyes. No, he didn't want to believe. He ran into the room and over to the Ice Rock remains and touched two of the biggest pieces he could find. Max tried to take in the evolutionary energy, but there was one problem: there was no energy left when the Rock shattered. Then tears began to run out of the little eevee's eyes._

_Kyle walked a few steps over to Max to try to comfort him, but Max gave him an angry glare that froze him in his path._

_"Vee eevee vee ee, eevee! (Stay away from me, Kyle!)" Max shouted as tears streams down his furry face like the Niagara Fall. "Ee eev ee! (I hate you!)"_

_Then the furious and weeping eevee ran past everyone on his way out the room._

* * *

Well, at least "Bells Will Be Ringing" didn't play this time, so there's that. . .it doesn't help Max or Kyle much though. . .

Luckily, Ryan's there to give Kyle a good old combination a _What the Hell Hero?_ and "_Reason You Suck" Speech._

* * *

_"Kyle, you're being selfish!"_

_"Gro, Grovy. Grov grov vyle grovyle (No, Ryan. Max has been selfish)," Kyle shouted. "Vy gro grov gro gro vy gro vyle gro gro grov-grovyle grov grov grov gro 'Gro Vyle' grovyle-gro gro grov gro vyle grov gro vy! (He may love the snow and the winter and the frost-Jordan should have named him 'Jack Frost' instead-but he cares more about that than me!)"_

_"You're wrong!" Ryan shouted so loud that his voice echoed down the halls. Then he took a deep breath and continued. "Max cares about you, more than any of us. It's been that way…forever."_

_The young lucario sighed and continued. "Kyle, Max has always been the happy camper. He has done so many nice things for you and has never asked for anything in return. Don't you remember from Christmas Eve last year, when you felt so alone and that no one would ever come to you? Well, someone did, and that was Max, Kyle, and you guys became the best of friends. Then the next day, when Jordan pulled you two out of those Poké balls, we became more than just a group of friends or even a team; we became a family."_

_Then the young lucario turned around and walked towards the doorway, turned around, and looked back towards the young grovyle and said:_

_"But now I'm not so sure about that anymore."_

_Then he left._

* * *

Then everyone leaves Kyle aloe to cry. . .wait-what?!

I guess now Jordan has to give everyone a _What the Hell Hero?_

* * *

_Ryan snapped. "Max has a very good reason to hate him for the rest of his life."_

_"No, Ryan. It's not a good thing to do: to hate him forever."_

_"Whose side are you on?!"_

_"Now, Ryan, I do believe that what Kyle did was wrong. But should that mean that we should just…make him wear a scarlet letter for the rest of his life?"_

* * *

Allusion!

* * *

_"That seems like a good idea."_

_"Ryan, that's enough," Jordan said firmly. "Is this what Luke Skywalker would do?"_

_"Excuse me."_

_"Is this what Obi-Wan would do? Is this what Yoda would do?"_

_"Oh no, I don't like where this is going."_

_"Is this what Jesus would do?"_

_Ryan sighed, already feeling lousy. "No. It's not."_

_"Exactly," Jordan confirmed. "God sent Christ into this world so that we may be forgiven. Isn't that one of the reasons why we celebrate Christmas; to celebrate the coming of our Savior?"_

_"But…what Kyle did really hurt Max."_

_"I know that, but God wants us to forgive others just as He forgave us. I know that it can be a very tough thing, believe me, but it's also the morally right thing to do."_

_The young lucario sighed. "You're right, Jordan." Then he looked in Jordan's arms and saw Max, with tear-stained eyes, looking up at Jordan and nodding in agreement._

* * *

So group decides to get another Ice Rock from a large mound Jordan's father found in Oakridge Forest. Kyle overhears them talking about it, and decides to look for it himself in order to make up for his selfishness.

* * *

_"I can't find Kyle," Jordan confirmed._

_"Neither could we," Ryan replied._

_Jordan face-palmed himself when he remembered something. "Ryan you could have traced Kyle's aura this whole time."_

_"Of course! Why didn't I think of it sooner?"_

_"Well, do it now."_

_The young lucario knelt down on one knee, closed his eyes, and placed one paw down on the floor. The appendages on the back of his head levitated up in mid-air. Then after ten-to-fifteen seconds, Ryan opened his eyes – his appendages coming down – and stood up._

_"Kyle's not in the laboratory."_

_"What?!" Jordan exclaimed. "Then where is he?"_

_"Well, the trail started here," – Ryan pointed to the spot where the Ice Rock was before it was swept up – "then he walked over to where Dad and his colleagues were researching on the Ice Rock in Oakridge Forest, and then he-"_

_"He did not."_

_The young lucario nodded. "He went outside and into the snow."_

_"Oh no, he's gonna get himself killed out there!"_

_"Not if we go after him, big bro."_

_Jordan knew that he was right._

_"Let's go."_

_As the three of them ran towards the sliding doors in the lobby, Jordan's father said, "Jordan, wait." Jordan and his pokémon stopped and looked back. "If you three are going to look for Kyle, you better take this." Jordan's father took from a pocket in his white lab coat a pink plastic container with a nozzle on the top. "It's a Hyper Potion. If Kyle gets severely hurt, then treat him with this."_

_"Thanks," Jordan said as he took the container and put it in his pocket. "When we find Kyle, we'll head back as soon as we can."_

_"Be careful," Jordan's father said, "all three of you."_

_"We will, Dad," Ryan said. "I promise."_

_Jordan put on his winter coat and then, along with Ryan and Max, headed out the door-into the icy, cold snow._

_**To Be Continued**_

* * *

So we head right into _Chapter 5: Fight As One_, where we meet our villain- wait, WHAT?!

* * *

_Cold and uncomfortable, the young grovyle walked through the forest until he came across a dark stare that paralyzed him in his tracks. Kyle looked up at a branch on a tree that was a few yards from him and saw a black bird pokémon that was known as a Honchkrow. The Honchkrow stared down from his branch at Kyle and said:_

_"Krow, krow, krow – honch krow hon honch hon? (Well, well, well – what do we have here?)"_

_Honchkrow's dark, deep voice made the young grovyle shiver in fear._

_"Krow hon, honch krow hon Honch-krow honchkrow krow krow honch-hon hon, krow hon honch honchkrow hon honch honchkrow krow? (Tell me, what is a Grass-type grovyle like you doing here, out in the middle of the wintery cold?)"_

_"G-g-g-g-g-grov-v-v-v g-g-g-gro vy gro g-g-g-g-g-g-grovyle (Th-th-th-th-th-that's-s-s n-n-n-none of your b-b-b-b-b-b-business)," Kyle shivered as he tried to be brave._

_"Krow, hon krow-hon honch krow (Oh, how silly of me)," the Honchkrow chuckled. "Krow honch honchkrow krow honchkrow honch krow hon honch-hon krow hon. Hon krowhon honch Krow krow krow honchkrow honch hon krow honch. (I don't really care about what you are doing out here. The only thing I do care about is how you taste.)"_

_"G-g-g-g-grov?! (T-t-t-t-taste?!)" Kyle said in fear. "V-V-V-V-Vy g-g-g-g-g-grov grovy g-g-g-grov g-g-g-grov g-g-g-g-gro! (I-I-I-I-I d-d-d-d-d-don't really t-t-t-taste th-th-th-that g-g-g-g-good!)"_

_"Honch honch hon krow hon, krow krow honchkrow honch krow honchkrow krow hon honchkrow-hon (That's what they all say, but my trusty taste buds always tell me differently)," the Honchkrow said, and then licked his upper beak._

* * *

My GOSH! That Pokemon speech is annoying! And seriously, why do Christmas stories _need_ a bad guy? Why do they always put villains in Christmas specials? I guess it's because all plots need some sort of conflict to get it going. But Christmas villains usually have no real motivation (like the Bumble Snow Monster) or aren't even evil at all. This Honchkrow kinda reminds of Eon the Terrible from _Rudolph's Shiny New Year. _They're both not evil, because they have simple needs. Honchkrow is hungry, and Eon doesn't want to die. They just go about getting what they want the wrong way. Sure, I guess it'd be asking too much for them to make a Yu-Gi-Oh level villain for a Christmas special, but hey! They made Winterbolt for _Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July, _and he was EPIC!

Okay, back to the story.

Kyle manages to escape the EVIL Honchkrow and meets up with a Pidove who he. . .pours out his soul to?

* * *

_"Dove? Pi dove dove dove, pi dove pidove pidove-pid? (So? Why are you here, in this forest anyway?)"_

_So then, the young grovyle told the Tiny Pigeon Pokémon everything that had happened; from his terrible deed of breaking the Ice Rock, thus upsetting Max, to eavesdropping on Jordan's father and his colleagues talk about the location of another Ice Rock, and to "toughing it up" and running out into the snow._

_"Dove, dove pi dove dove pi pidove (Wow, that's one heck of a story)," the Pidove replied._

_"Gro, gro Vyle grov gro gro vyle grov Grov Gro, gro grov Vy gro gro vy grovyle grov Grov vyle. (So, now I'm out here to find that Ice Rock, so that I can earn my friendship with Max back.)"_

_"Dove dove pid dove dove pidove pi pidove pidove pi dove dove? (Don't you think that you're putting a heavy burden on your back?)"_

_"Vy grov gro. (I don't know.)"_

* * *

What is with this guy and becoming close to Pokemon he's met five seconds ago! First Max and now this Pidove. Is he just naturally friendly or something?

So, lucky for Kyle; Jordan, Ryan, and Max find him!

* * *

_"Kyle!" Jordan said as Kyle embraced him. "You are so cold!"_

* * *

_**Patrick Tatopoulos:** "That's a lot of fish!"_

Well, they've found Kyle! They can go home now!

* * *

"_Honch-hon honch honchkrow? (Isn't that touching?)"_

_Then the four of them looked up and saw the Honchkrow on a branch of a tree._

* * *

Wait, what?! You're still here! You're outnumbered 3 Pokemon and 1 human to one! You loose! Leave!

* * *

_"Honchkrow Honch-krow hon-honchkrow honch hon honchkrow krow krow honchkrow. Honchkrow krow honch krow."_

_"He says that Grass-type pokémon like Kyle are his favorite and that nothing else will do," Ryan once again translated._

_"I hate to disappoint you," Jordan said as he glared at the Big Boss Pokémon and pulled out Kyle's poké ball from his pocket, "but dinner's cancelled." Then he aimed the poké ball at Kyle and said, "Kyle, return now!"_

_But before the beam of red light could reach Kyle in time, the Honchkrow flew by as fast as he could and, with his now-metallic-silver-glowing wings, sliced the poké ball diagonally in half. The red beam that had nearly reached Kyle stopped and dissolved in midair._

_The young grovyle shook with fear as he looked into the sinister, red eyes of the Big Boss Pokémon that now landed on another tree branch._

_"So," Jordan said as he held the top end of the now-broken poké ball, "it knows Steel Wing."_

* * *

_(Keldeo's mouth dropped open)_

Bu-bu-but! You can't- I mean- but what- you just-and then- it just-OOOOH!

_(Keldeo sighed)_

Alright then, if you want to get sent blasting off by Aura Sphere. . . be my guest.

* * *

_"Thanks, Captain Obvious," Ryan said with sarcasm. "Now what?"_

_"Well, since I'm now 'promoted to Captain Obvious', I'll point out that it's obvious that we need to run!" Right at that moment, the fifteen-year-old boy, the young grovyle, the little eevee, and the young lucario ran down the path, with the Honchkrow chasing them from behind._

* * *

Oh no, they're carrying the Hero Ball.

RYAN! Hit him with an Aura Sphere! What, are you non-violent? Gosh, this is worse than when Samus froze up when she saw Ridley in _Metroid other M_! You fight battles _all the time!_ Why are you running now?

So after running aimlessly for a few minutes, Ryan goes, _"Oh wait! I know Aura Sphere!"_

* * *

_Ryan put his paws together and formed a sphere of blue energy between them. As the young lucario pulled his paws further away from each other, he grew the blue sphere of aura to the size of a basketball. Then, when the Honchkrow was within 10 yards, the young lucario fired the Aura Sphere right at Big Boss Pokémon. The sphere hit the Honchkrow in the face and exploded on impact, sending the Big Boss Pokémon right into the thin trunk of a tree. The Honchkrow fell to the snow-covered ground after hitting the tree, which was now vibrating and shaking off the snow, which then avalanched down upon the Honchkrow and burying him._

* * *

Well, that's it! Time to go home now!

* * *

_But suddenly, one of the Honchkrow's black and red wings burst out of the snow. Everyone was shocked to see it happening._

* * *

OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

He's still conscious! That should've been a one-hit KO! It was an Aura Sphere! And he already got hit by one of Kyle's Energy Balls! Then he got buried in an avalanche! Who is the guy, The Shredder? Or maybe The Terminator? Or, what the heck, he's probably Ryuga!

So Max and Kyle run and hide while Ryan and Jordan apparently have difficulty taking down a single Pokemon. . .

* * *

_But while Jordan's and Ryan's eyes were filled with courage and bravery, Kyle's, who was hiding in the narrow passage, were filled with fear and tears. As he watched the young lucario battle the Honchkrow, with the fifteen-year-old boy calling the shots, he curled up into a fetal position and began to cry._

* * *

_(Keldeo faced hooved)_

That's three times now! Sure, as a Treecko, I don't mind him doing this. But as big Grovyle going into- gah! Since he's a lot bigger, it's kinda disturbing to see a relatively large Pokemon curl up like this. Sure, he's still young, but he just seems to big to do this.

Anyway, we finally have Max and Kyle make up.

* * *

_"Eevee? (Kyle?)" The young grovyle looked up and saw Max looked sympathetically at him. "Vee ee vee eev-eev? (Why are you crying?)"_

_"Grovyle (Because)," Kyle wailed as tears streamed down his face, "Grovy gro Vyle gro grovyle grov vyle gro vy grovy grov Vyle grov! (Jordan and Ryan are risking their lives forme after what I've done!)" Then the young grovyle pulled the little eevee into his arms and continued to cry. "Grov, Vyle vyle! Vy grov grovy, vy Vy grovyle grov gro grovy grov gro grov gro vy vyle, gro grov vyle gro! Gro vy gro vyle grov grov Vy vyle grov, gro Vy grov grov gro gro vyle. Vy vyle, Grov! Vy gro vyle! (Max, I'm sorry! I was so selfish, and I understand that you never want to speak to me again, but please forgive me! You were the first true friend I ever had, and I don't want that to change. I'm sorry, Max! I'm so sorry!)"_

_"Ee vee (I know)," the little eevee said. "Eev ee Ee vee eevee vee, eev eev-eev – Ee vee-eev ee. (That's why I came after you, and because – I forgive you.)"_

_"Gro – gro gro? Grov grov grovy vyle gro – grov vyle grov? (You – you do? You're just gonna forgive me – just like that?)"_

_"Eevee, eev vee eevee eev vee eev eev vee eev vee eev 'Eevee', eev vee eev eev eev vee Eevee ee Eevee, Eevee eev eevee eevee-vee ee vee eevee eev-eev. (Kyle, it was only last year that we've heard of the word 'Christmas', but from what we've learned from Jordan and Ryan, Christmas is about family and friends being together.)"_

_"Grov vy, grov vyle grov? (You mean, we're still friends?)"_

_"Eev vee (Best friends)," Max replied. "Ee-eevee. (Forever.)"_

_Kyle was so happy that he cried tears of joy and hugged Max a little more. Then the young grovyle noticed on the left that there was a hollow; in the center was a mound of snow, but something was glowing light blue beneath it._

_"Grov (Max)," Kyle said when he wiped he eyes dry. "Grov grovy vyle. (Look over there.)"_

_"Vee ee vee eev vee – Eev Vee vee? (Do you think that's the – Ice Rock mound?)"_

_"Vy grov gro. (I think so.)"_

* * *

So there just happens to be an Ice Rock _right there?_

Huh! What do you know! A Christmas Miracle!

But wait, when Kyle talked with the Pidove and told his entire story, I was expecting Pidove to fly in with an Ice Rock to the rescue. But this works to I guess, but what was the point of the Pidove?

* * *

_"Vee, Eevee (Wait, Kyle)," Max said as he back out of Kyle's arms, "ee ee eevee vee veev vee eevee-vee eeveev ee vee eev ee eev vee, ee eev eev eeveev ee eev vee? (are you letting me make this decision because you feel like you have to, or is it because you want to?)"_

_Kyle thought for a moment, and then answered, "Grov, vyle Vy grov grovyle, Vy grov grovy. Vy grov grovyle vy gro grovyle gro grovy vy Vyle-vy grovy Vyle vy Grov-vyle grovyle grov vy grov grovy Vyle-vy grovyle. Grov Vy grovy grovyle vy-grovyle: gro grov vyle grov vy. Grov grovyle grov vyle vy, gro grov gro gro gro grov. Vy gro grov gro grovy grovy vy grovyle, Vy grov vy grovyle gro. Gro –_

* * *

ENOUGH!

I hate this Pokemon speech! Do you have any idea how annoying this all is?! What were you thinking?!

_(Keldeo blinked)_

Wait, did FictionaryMan really type the word Grovyle over and over again? How did it pull that off? I can't believe he was able to do this. It's like a test in endurance. I don't think I'd be able to type pieces of the same word over and over again. That takes a lot of mental strength. Personally, I prefer skipping straight to the translation.

* * *

_(Max, like I said before, I was selfish. I felt threatened by you wanting to become an Ice-type because I'm aGrass-type pokémon that is weak against Ice-type pokémon. But I forgot something important: you would never hurt me. You've always cared about me, and you've been a true friend. If you want to evolve into a glaceon, I should be supporting you. So – I want you to do this.)"_

_The young grovyle's answer made the little eevee very happy._

* * *

Meanwhile, Ryan is _still_ fighting the Honchkrow.

* * *

_"Okay," Jordan then said. "Ryan, use Aura Sphere!"_

_"I'm on it!" Then Ryan fired an Aura Sphere attack at the Honchkrow, just like when they were being chased by the Big Boss Pokémon. The sphere exploded as it hit the Honchkrow, and the Honchkrow fell down onto the ground._

* * *

_FINALLY! _I thought this battle would never end!

* * *

_When he opened his eyes, the Honchkrow looked beyond the trees and saw Kyle and Max past the narrow passage and in the hollow. Then he eyeballed Ryan and then towards Jordan. Once he got up and flapped his wings into the air, he opened up his beck and created a sphere of dark purple rings and fired a beam of those rings right at Jordan._

_"No!" Ryan shouted as he ran towards Jordan, right in front of him and the beam of dark purple rings, just in time._

_The young lucario grunted as he took the Dark Pulse attack to the chest. The Honchkrow flew up into the air as he saw Ryan fall to his knees in the snow and Jordan came to him._

* * *

Oh my gosh, is this bird level 100 or something?!

* * *

_"Come on!" Jordan said as he helped Ryan up. "He's heading for the hollow, and Kyle and Max are in there!"_

_Jordan and Ryan ran through the narrow passage and into the hollow, and they were awestruck at what they saw next._

_In the center of the hollow, Max was glowing as white as the snow and Kyle was standing behind him. The little eevee was growing twice-and-a-half his normal size. Then the fifteen-year-old boy, the young lucario, and the young grovyle flinched and covered their eyes as Max's body gave off a flash of blinding light, and then looked back to see that Max was no longer an eevee; he was now a glaceon!_

_"Wait a minute," Ryan said and then looked at Kyle. "Kyle, you just stood there and let Max evolve. Does this mean that – you're okay with Max now?"_

_"Grovyle," Kyle confirmed as he nodded with a small smile on his face._

_Jordan reached out with his left hand and rubbed Kyle's cold head. "Kyle, I always knew you would have a change of heart."_

_"Krow, honch krow. (Oh, how sweet.)"_

_Jordan looked up to the right and saw the Honchkrow on a tree across from them. He let Max out of his right arm, stood up, and said to Kyle, "Kyle, get behind me." And so that's what the young grovyle did._

_"Seriously?!" Ryan asked. "How much of this did you see?"_

_"Hon-honchkrow krow krow honch honchkrow-hon. (Everything from your friend's evolution.)"_

_"You just don't find any of this touching, do you?" the young lucario growled._

_The Big Boss Pokémon just chuckled in a dark way. "Krowhon honch Krow krowhonch honchkrow krowhonch, Krow honch hon honch hon honchkrow krowhon krow. (Even if I wasn't using sarcasm, I would still want that grovyle either way.)"_

* * *

_"I'm the villain. . .I don't find anything touching. . .I'm mean. . .I have an evil chuckle. . .because I'm the villain. . .Bad! Mean! Evil! Villain!"_

So Max has finally evolved, and since Ice type moves are Super Effectivie against Honchkrow-

* * *

_Then Max boldly stood in front of the others and glared at the Big Boss Pokémon. "Glaceon glace gla glace; gla glace glace. Ce glace glace eon, glace glace gla gla glace gla! (Kyle is my friend; my best friend. If you want him, you'll have to go through me!)"_

_"Honchkrow (So be it)," the Honchkrow said as he started to fly right at them._

_But suddenly, Max opened his mouth, and a white ball forms in front of it. Then Max fired three beams, as jagged as lightning bolts, of ice at the Honchkrow. The Ice Beam attack hits the Big Boss Pokémon, causing an explosion of thick, icy mist on impact. When the mist clears, Jordan and his pokémon see that the Honchkrow on the ground, with spirals in his eyes._

* * *

Let me see, which one was it. . .

_(Keldeo tapped his IPad)_

_M. Bison: OF COUR-_

No. . .

_(Keldeo tapped his IPad again)_

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere-_

No. . .

_(Keldeo tapped his IPad a third time)_

_ Charlie Wilcox: "I was frozen today!"_

_(Keldeo shrugged)_

I upheld my obligation. . .

* * *

_As Jordan's pokémon were celebrating their victory,_

* * *

_"Ding, dong, the witch is dead! Which old Witch? The Wicked Witch! Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead!"_

* * *

_ Jordan looked down at the unconscious Honchkrow. Then he pulled out the Hyper Potion that his dad had given him earlier._

_"Jordan, what are you doing?" Ryan asked as he watched Jordan walk over to the Honchkrow, who was trying to get up._

_The fifteen-year-old boy knelt down and gently placed his left hand on the Honchkrow's back and aimed the Hyper Potion at him._

_The Big Boss Pokémon, however, swiped the container away with one of his wings just as Jordan was about to spray him with the healing fluid and then stood up on his talons._

_"Krow honch hon honch krow honch krowhonch! (No meal is worth all this madness!)" the Honchkrow shouted and then flew away._

* * *

Oh gosh, he even recovered from fainting instantly! That's not how it works. When a Pokemon faints, they stay fainted!

* * *

_"Okay, that was very rude!" Ryan said as he, Max, and Kyle watched the Big Boss Pokémon fly away. Then he turned to Jordan, who was walking back to them. "You were trying to be nice to him after all we just went through, and he just overreacted and flew away!"_

_"Ryan, it's okay."_

_"No, it's not," the young lucario said firmly. "He shouldn't have treated you like that."_

_"I know, Ryan," the fifteen-year-old boy said as he knelt down to be at equal height with the young lucario and put his right hand on his left shoulder. "But it's important to give to others, even if the ones you give to do don't accept it."_

_"Kinda like what I did today for that little girl, right?" Ryan said as he smiled._

_"Exactly like that, little bro," Jordan reassured. "I don't really know for sure, but I think you really warmed her heart with Christmas spirit." Then he turned to Kyle and Max. "Just like how you warmed Max's heart with Christmas spirit, Kyle. I don't like that you ran out on your own and risked your life to redeem yourself and get Max into what he is now"-the fifteen-year-old boy gestured to the young, newly-evolved glaceon-"but I am proud that you for being able to be giving."_

_The young grovyle hugged the fifteen-year-old boy tightly and rested his head on the boy's chest. Jordan wrapped his left arm around Kyle and then reached over to Max and rubbed his head._

_"And, Max, I'm proud of you for being forgiving to Kyle and for standing up for him when he was in danger."_

* * *

So everything's better now and everyone is friendly again!

Except for the Honchkrow, who cares about him! He's just a villain! Just way to teach a lesson about giving.

But wait! They're still lost in the woods!

* * *

_Then suddenly, there was a smooth, yet high-pitched chirp coming towards the boy and the young lucario, grovyle, and glaceon. It came from the Pidove that Kyle had met earlier. The Tiny Pigeon Pokémon flew in and soared in circles over the group of four._

_The young grovyle was happy to see the Pidove again, and the Pidove landed on top of Kyle's head._

_"Kyle, you know this pokémon?" Ryan asked with curiosity._

_Jordan pulled out his pokédex and scanned the Pidove._

_**"****Pidove. The Tiny Pigeon Pokémon. The cooing of an entire flock can be so loud that it can shatter glass windows. Pidove lives in cities and loves the company of its flock."**_

_"Wow," Jordan said._

_Then the Pidove flew off Kyle's head and then onto a branch. Then she pointed her right wings to her right and then flew in that direction._

_"I think it wants us to follow!" Jordan said. And so that's what he and his pokémon did. They followed the Pidove through the frosty forest until they saw a concrete sidewalk and an asphalt road._

_Then Jordan looked to the left and couldn't believe his eyes. "Guys, look!" he said to young pokémon. "There's the edge of town!"_

_Ryan, Kyle, and Max were very happy to see it, too._

_Then the Ryan looked up at a tall tree to see the Pidove on one of the branches._

_"You were leading us back to town, weren't you?" the young lucario said._

_"Pi-dove!" the bird pokémon answered._

_"Thanks a lot," Jordan said gratefully. "I don't know if we could've ever made it without you."_

_Then Kyle and Max thanked the Pidove, who then happily chanted its name and then flew back into the forest._

* * *

So now you bring back the Pidove! I gotta admit, I wasn't expecting him to come back now. You wrote this well, good job.

* * *

_Then Jordan looked up towards the night sky and softly said, "Thanks, Big Guy."_

* * *

Wait, so is he thanking God for sending the Pidove?

Okay, that makes sense.

The Author's Notes ask us what Pidove symbolized, and I would have to say either God in general or the Holy Spirit cause it's usually represented as a dove in the Bible.

So we_ finally_ get home and everyone is happy.

_Diddy Kong: __He's happy! We're happy! Everybody's happy!_

And the next morning- IS CHRISTMAS MORNING! HOORAY!

* * *

_**Chapter 6 (Epilogue) : A Wonderful Christmas Time**_

_December 25, 2012_

_It was silent throughout the night. Jordan slept peacefully, waiting for the Christmas morning sun to rise. But suddenly, Be-be-beep! Be-be-beep! Be-be-beep! Jordan was awakened to the sound of his alarm clock chirping. He blinked his eyes and then rolled over to look at the alarm clock on his nightstand, and saw that it was 4:35 A.M. But then he saw that the alarm was set for 4:30. Someone had pressed the snooze button instead of turning the alarm off._

_That's weird, Jordan thought to himself. But then he rolled over to look on his left side and saw that Ryan wasn't there. Okay, that is even weirder._

_Soon, the fifteen-year-old boy got out of bed and walked out of his room. He hated walking in the dark, but things got better when he walked downstairs and into the living room, where the lights on the Christmas tree were illuminating brightly. But Jordan looked and saw that there was a lucario with a Santa hat putting presents under the Christmas tree. Jordan was able to figure who it was by the red collar around his furry neck._

_"Ryan?" Jordan whispered._

_The young lucario alertly turned around. He had a look on his face that said, busted. But then he smiled and said in a deep voice, "Ho, ho, ho! I am not Ryan. I'm Santa Paws!"_

* * *

And he's a hundred times better than that puppy in _Santa Buddies,_ and a _million _times better than than "Santa. . . .Blasphemer"!

* * *

_Jordan couldn't help but laugh. "Then why does your dog tag say 'Ryan Konerson', and why is it on a red collar that only Ryan wears?"_

* * *

_WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!_

* * *

_"Okay, okay, you got me," Ryan quietly laughed in his regular, teenager-like voice._

_"What are you doing here, little bro?" Jordan said as he walked closer to Ryan._

_"Well, I thought about gathering up all the presents and putting them under the tree because – you remember yesterday when Alice came over?"_

_"And she wondered if we should call you 'Santa Paws'?" the fifteen-year-old boy said._

_"Exactly," the young lucario replied. "But then I thought about what I did yesterday for that twelve-year-old girl, and I kinda figured that – maybe I am Santa Paws. Kinda like how you told me that – Mom and Dad are both Santa Claus."_

_Jordan sighed in guilt. Last year, about three weeks before Christmas, he had told Ryan that Santa Claus wasn't a real person, and Ryan was crushed by that. "I should've never told you that, Ryan. I should have never told you something so…crushing like that. I'm sorry." Then the fifteen-year-old boy looked away in shame._

* * *

Oh my gosh! Santa Claus isn't real?! How crushing!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test complete_

* * *

_"Jordan, it's okay," Ryan said kindly as he reached up with his right paw to Jordan's left bicep. The fifteen-year-old boy looked back down at the young lucario. "Because when I tore off that Star Wars wrapping paper and saw that toy lightsaber, played with it like I was really a Jedi Knight, and nearly knocked over Mom's cup of cocoa, I figured it out that Santa may not be a real person, but that doesn't mean that he's not real at all. That morning, I also figured out that – even you are Santa."_

_Jordan remained silent for a moment to interpret everything Ryan just said to him; then he smiled, knelt down on his right knee to be at equal height with Ryan, and brought Ryan into a nice warm hug. He was able to make sure that Ryan's chest was under his right underarm._

_"Thanks, Ryan. That really means a lot to me."_

_"Dude, that's what brothers are for," _

* * *

Gosh, I hate the word "dude"! What, is he a surfer?

. . . .

Okay, actually, I don't _really_ mind the word "dude." But Coballion hates that word so. . .yeah, don't tell him I'm okay with it. . .he's really strict.

And so, the Most Wonderful Time of the Year continues!

_(Music suddenly kicks up as the song plays)_

_It's the most wonderful time of the year_

* * *

_Later that morning, the Konerson family and their relatives, Uncle Brett, Aunt Martha, Adam, and Ben, Jordan's grandparents, and Jordan's pokemon gathered in the living room to open presents. Jordan and Ryan opened up the __Hunger Games_ book and Lego Star Wars video game that they exchanged yesterday, but they still didn't tell anyone about that. This time, Jordan gave Dragon partial credit for Ryan's Lego Star Wars video game, and Ryan was grateful to both.

* * *

_With the kids jingle belling  
And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"_

* * *

_Kyle was happy when he opened up the Thomas Wooden Railway set from Max._

* * *

_It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year_

* * *

_Meanwhile, Sam the buizel opened up his new blue bouncy ball from a gift bag. The ball was from Jordan, but he also put Robin's name on the tag as well. Sam walked over to Robin, not just to thank her for the bouncy ball, but to give his gift to her._

_"Bui, Buizel. Bui buiz zel buiz el (Here, Robin. I hope you like it)," the little buizel said as he presented the young swellow a pink barrette._

_Robin gasped. It was something she had always wanted_.

* * *

_It's the hap -happiest season of all_

* * *

_"Swell low swell low, Swell! (I love it so much, Sam!)" the young swellow answered. "Swell low low swell low swell swell swell low swell low swellow. (You are so good of a friend that you are like a brother.)" Then she wrapped her wings around the little buizel; it was just like a human hug, only with wings instead of arms._

_"Bui…buizel (A…brother)," the little buizel awkwardly repeated as his face turned red. But then he just smiled and wrapped his arms around Robin. "Buibui buiz zel zel buiz. (Maybe it's for the best.)"_

_"Swell low swell low swell? (What is for the best?)" Robin asked as she let go of Sam._

_"Bui…buizel (Uh…nothing)," the little buizel said as he backed away._

_The little charmander Dragon giggled as he watched Sam blush._

_"Char, der char mand er charm an Charman? (Sam, do you have a crush on Robin?)" Dragon giggled._

* * *

_(Record scratch)_

Wait, what?!

* * *

_"Zel, Bui bui zel! (No, I do not!)" the little buizel shouted so loudly that everyone in the living room, whether they were opening presents or not, stopped and looked at him. Sam was very embarrassed._

_But Robin walked over and held Sam's right paw with her left wing. "Swell swellow, Swell. Swell low swell swellow. (It's okay, Sam. I've known all along.)" The little buizel looked up in surprise, but before he could say anything, the young swellow continued. "Swell low swell – swell – swell low low swellow-low swellow low swell-low swell-swellow swell low swellow swell low low low. (It's just that – well – we're like a family-all seven of us-and anything else just wouldn't feel right at all.)"_

_"Buiz, Bui buiz buiz zel, Buizel (Yeah, I guess you're right, Robin)," Sam sighed with slight disappointment._

_"Low swell swellow, Swell. Low low swellow swellow swell-swellow low swell, low Swell swell swell low swell low swellow swellow. (But don't worry, Sam. There are other female pokémon out there, and I'm sure you'll find that special someone.)"_

_The little buizel then smiled and hugged the young swellow again. "Buiz, Buizel. (Thanks, Robin.)"_

_"Char man der charm mander mander char charmander (Good thing they aren't standing under a mistletoe)," Dragon muttered to Ryan, who then laughed._

* * *

Why? Seriously, why?! This scene was not necessary! Buizels and Swellows can't even breed! They're not in the same egg group. And isn't this kinda too late to throw in a romance? Why should we care that Sam has a crush on Robin? I mean, how can bird fall in love with an mammal? This wasn't hinted anywhere else in the story. What was the point?

So, what else do we got?

* * *

_The little charmander reached inside and pulled out a Charizard plushie that was half his size. Dragon's face lit up like the lights on the Christmas tree. Then he hugged Ryan on the right side-he still held the Charizard plushie in his right hand._

_"Charm char char mand, Charman! Charm char mand Charm charman mander! (Thank you so much, Ryan! It's just what I've always wanted!)" the little charmander said happily._

_"Maybe now when you sleep at night with that doll in your arms, you'll dream yourself as an actual charizard."_

_"Charman Char man, mand charman charm char man charm char mand der; charman man char mand char Char char man der char. (Maybe I will, and maybe you'll be in some of those dreams; riding on my back as I fly through the sky.)"_

* * *

Yeah, Dragon wants to evolve, that's a part of his character.

Okay, what else, OH! I know! How about another "Jordan can't figure out what his gift is" joke!

* * *

_Then the young lucario and the little charmander let go of each other and looked over towards Jordan as he opened up his gift from Aunt Martha. It was a grey iPad Mini Smart Cover. Jordan was grateful for it, but he still had a problem._

_"But…I don't have an iPad, Aunt Martha," Jordan said as he looked at Aunt Martha who was sitting on the over-sized chair with Uncle Brett._

_"Oh, well then I guess we can just take it back to the store," Aunt Martha replied._

_But then, Jordan opened up his next gift, which was from his grandparents, and it was an iPad mini. Ryan and Dragon couldn't help but laugh._

_"I guess this means you'll have to take both back to the store, Aunt Martha," Ryan said._

_Then Jordan chuckled as well. "How then would you be able to play Angry Birds Star Wars if I did that?"_

_Then, the whole Konerson family laughed._

* * *

And so, we end with a warm hearted, feel-good ending with Jordan and his whole family of Pokemon!

* * *

_"Remember last year, when I said that that was the best Christmas ever?" the young lucario asked._

_"Yes," Jordan replied._

_"You said that maybe I would feel differently this year, and – I do. This is the best Christmas ever." Ryan happily said._

_"How so, little bro?" Jordan asked._

_"Well, let's just say that we were all reminded about the true meaning of Christmas-it's about giving, spending time with family, and celebrating Christ's birth."_

_Then Jordan rubbed Ryan's head and said, "That's a really good reason, Ryan."_

_"Merry Christmas, Jordan," Ryan said._

_Then the rest of Jordan's pokémon spoke to Jordan before he could say anything else. "Grovy Grovyle, Grovy." "Glace Glaceon, Glaceon." "Swellow Swellow, Swellow." "Buizel Buizel, Buizel." "Mander Charman, Charman."_

_Jordan and Ryan looked at each other, and then Jordan looked at the rest of the pokémon as well as Ryan. He didn't need a translation for what they all just said, because he could tell from the tails that Dragon, Sam, and Max were wagging, and from the smiles on all of their faces. Jordan smiled as he looked at all six of his pokémon, whom were family to him, and replied:_

_"Merry Christmas, guys."_

_**THE END**_

* * *

And that was "An Icy, Cold Christmas"! And I enjoyed it a lot!

It was a good Christian Fanfic that remembers that it's a Christian Fanfic, and makes sure to remind you as well. And that's a good thing.

Although, the the author kinda went overboard with the Leukemia girl, and that plot point kinda got skipped over. Couldn't we at least _see_ the Leukemia girl? Maybe meet her, see things from he point of view, just a short scene or two? I, the reader, wanted to meet her, even if the main character couldn't interact with her.

And, why did we need the SamXRobin? How did it add to the story? In fact, it kinda made things awkward. FictionaryMan did say he was planing a sequel focused on New Years, was this some kind of foreshadowing? I guess it will be addressed in that sequel. Well, we won't know until he writes it.

And, oh my gosh, the Pokemon speech! It's the worst in Chapter 5! But I'll just say "don't do it again" and leave it at that.

And. . .the villain. . .yeah I guess it added some action to the story. He did seem pretty strong, though. And he was a Flying-type, so he was a good match for Ryan.

But, seriously, those are my only problems with this story. The rest of it was all good! The characters were likable, even when they were being jerks. That's because you understood why they were acting like that. Kyle was selfish and broke the Ice Rock, but that's because he didn't want his best friend to turn into his worst fear. Ryan got mad at Kyle, but Kyle made Max cry, which is understandable. But then Jordan set them straight, and their God-given consciences guided them back in the right direction.

And also, they weren't perfect Sunday School Christians. They play video games, they get mad, they have fun, they're real characters you can connect to.

And I really could feel the brotherhood between Jordan and Ryan, and that wasn't even the primary focus of this story. The characters were three dimensional and made me laugh and feel for them. And if you felt something was missing, this was a spin-off fic. The main fic is_ Summer Part 1 Attempt 1,_ but you didn't even really need to read the mother fic to enjoy this one.

So, this is a story that can be enjoyed any day of the year! Good job FictionaryMan! Good job! This was the prefect story to read on _Christmas in July! _Ha-ha! It cooled me down perfectly! The Swords of Justice don't know what they're missing.

_(Keldeo sighed)_

But, Ryan and Jordan spent Christmas together with their family. . .I really wished I could've had fun with Coballion, Virizion, and Terrakion.

_(Keldeo put his smile back on)_

Ah well, no use being depressed now! So, without further ado, here's some fun Christmas Music to play us out!

**_(We now switch to third person perspective)_**

_Bells will be ringing_

Keldeo's eyes widened in terror as the music played, "No. . ."

_That sad, sad news_

"NOOO! Play something else!" Keldeo exclaimed.

_Sir, I wanna buy these shoes_

_For my mama, please_

Keldeo covered his ears and shouted, "AH! STOP IT! Play something else!"

_Grandma got run over by a reindeer_

"AHHHHHH! SOMETHING ELSE! PLEASE! SOMETHING ELSE!"

_Santa baby, _

_slip a sable under the tree, _

_for me_

_I've been an awful good girl_

_Santa baby, _

_and hurry down the chimney tonight_

Keldeo gained a shocked expression and his mouth hung open. He hung his head in defeat at first, but then he changed into his Resolute Form in a flash of light. He lifted his head, eyes blazing with rage.

"Alright. . .enough is enough. This is the final- this is the very, _very_ last straw! WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS- THIS- I DEMAND THAT YOU SHOW YOURSELF! WHO ARE YOU? HUH?"

_Santa Christ! Santa Christ! We all love Santa Christ!_

Keldeo's eyes widened and he turned around to see the robed man standing behind him, "_YOU!"_

The man laughed and said, "Yes indeed, Keldeo, and you've been a naughty little Mon!"

"Oh yeah? Well you're downright evil!" Keldeo shouted back at him.

"Maybe, but I'm the one who's gonna kick your-."

"Behind!" Keldeo finished before the man had a change to say a bad word.

"Hmmm. . .very clever. . .and foolish!"

"Oh really? Well why don't you remind me who got sent blasting off by a Focus Blast the last time we met?"

The evil man laughed and said, "Oh-ho-ho-ho! But I've come prepared this time!"

The man took out a Pokeball and threw it. Out of it came Honchkrow.

"What are you doing here?!" Keldeo shouted in shock.

The Honchkrow chuckled darkly and, "Master said that if I helped him take you down, he'd help me catch that Grovyle, and take down that Lucario and Glaceon, and that stupid human too!"

"That human was trying to heal you!"

"I don't care! I just want to sink my beak into that Grovyle!"

Keldeo stood his ground and said, "Never! I'm a Sword of Justice, and I'm going to use my Secret Sword to take both of you evil doers down!"

The man laughed and waved his red staff at Keldeo, "We'll see about that! Now, Honchkrow, use Steel Wing!"

Honchkrow's wings turned metallic silver and flew at Keldeo. Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung at Honchkrow. Wing and sword collided and sent sparks flying. Honchkrow was thrown backwards a bit as Keldeo stood firm.

"Use Dark Pulse!" the man shouted.

Honchkrow opened up his beak and created a sphere of dark purple rings and fired a beam of those rings right at Keldeo.

Keldeo fired a Focus Blast which collided with the Dark Pulse, exploding and knocking Honchkrow back further. Keldeo smiled as he saw Honchkrow stumble against a tree. Keldeo walked over to the Pokemon triumphantly.

"It's over! In the end, Justice will prevail and evil will fall!" Keldeo declared.

"That's where you're wrong!" the man said as he waved his staff, "Honchkrow, use Perish Song!"

Honchkrow sang loudly and black waves of energy came out of its mouth. It hit Keldeo and made crimson static appear over his body.

"Gah! NO! You're not supposed to know that move! This is impossible! Unless you learned it as a Murkrow, maybe?"

Honchkrow smirked and said, "Hah! Whatever! My master is all powerful! Surely he can give me the power to do a certain move!"

Keldeo glared back angrily, "He may have some power, but he's still less than a speck of dust compared to God!"

The man blew a raspberry and said, "Whatever! You do realize that you're doomed, right?"

"That's right. I heard the Perish Song! I'm gonna pass out soon. . ."

"Then you will be mine!"

"And then the Grovyle will be mine!"

"No! Ah! Help me! Somebody help me!"

The man and Pokemon laughed evilly.

"Help me, Santa Claus!" Keldeo shouted.

Honchkrow smirked and said, "Don't be a fool! Santa Claus doesn't exist!"

Keldeo looked around desperately and said, "Help me. . . ._SANTA PAWS!"_

At that instant, a Lucario wearing a Santa Hat and a red dog collar dropped in out of nowhere. At that same instant, the punk rock band "Koffing and the Toxics" could be heard playing music, with Roxie singing lyrics to it.

**_Santa Paws! Santa Paws! We all love Santa Paws!_**

Keldeo jumped for joy. "Santa Paws!"

Santa Paws laughed jollily and said in a deep voice, "Ho, ho, ho! Don't worry, Keldeo the Critic! I'll save you!"

Santa Paws then built up Aura in his paws, and then released it in a massive Aura Storm at the evil man and Pokemon that put the Aura Storm in Super Smash Bros. Brawl to shame.

**_KABOOOOOOOM!_**

"WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" they shouted as they were sent flying into the distance.

Keldeo smiled, "Wow! Thanks, Santa Paws!"

"Ho, ho, ho! Not at all, Keldeo! Now, hold still!"

Santa Paws put his paws on Keldeo's ears. There was a flash of Aura.

"What did you do?" Keldeo gasped.

"I just cured you of the Perish Song!"

Keldeo looked himself over and gasped, "Wow! It worked! The crimson static is gone!"

"Indeed! Ho, ho, ho! OOH! Ho, ho, ho! Alrighty then, Keldeo! Now, Santa Paws has to get back to his Millennium Falcon!"

Keldeo's eyes widened with wonder. "Santa Paws has a Millennium Falcon?"

"And a Light Saber! Ho, ho, ho!"

"Oh, you are _awesome!"_

"Oh, well I can't take all the credit! God gave me my talents and blessings, didn't He! Praise Him! Ho, ho, ho!"

Keldeo smiled, "Wow, you're just so wonderful. A true believer and a Child of God. . .thank you, Santa Paws."

Keldeo and Santa Paws hugged fondly. The two smiled at each other, and Santa Paws gave a wave goodbye as he splashed through the shallows off into the woods as Roxie's band continued to play.

**_Santa Paws! Santa Paws! We all love Santa Paws!  
He is Santa and Lucario! My gosh, it's Santa Paws!  
He believes in Jesus Christ, and he also likes Star Wars,  
He spreads the Gospel all over and he also likes Star Wars.  
He eats chocolate M&Ms, gives gifts to Leukemia patients,  
He wears a nice red dog collar, and loved by the nations.  
He shoots Aura from his paws just like a pumped up Final Smash,  
He fights the forces of evil and makes the blasphemous crash.  
Santa Paws, Santa Paws, Santa Paws, Santa Paws,  
You are really awesome, we love you, Santa Paws._**

* * *

Keldeo walked back to the shallow lake where the Sword of Justice dwell, and he was met with an awesome surprise. The surface of the water was frozen over, and the rocks had a thin layer of frost on them. There was even a couple sprigs of holy and red ribbon hanging around the area, and on a rock lay a large amount delicious red and green berries.

"Surprise!" Terrakion shouted as the other three Swords of Justice ran forward.

Keldeo backed off in shock, "Wha-wha-what is all this?"

"Christmas in July, of course!" Virizion said with a smile.

"Indeed," Coballion said, also smiling, "I thought about your idea, and although it seemed silly at first, I realized that there is no harm in trying to cheer oneself up in unfavorable conditions. Also, I believe we may have acted coldly to your attempts to cheer us up. . .uh. . .no pun intended."

"And it's been so hot, that as long as I'm not being hit by an Ice attack, a little ice would actually be beneficial to me," Virizion said.

"So we gathered a few things, got some help from a Leavanny, and here we are!" Terrakion said.

"Wow. . .you did all this. . ." Keldeo said, getting a little misty eyed. But then a thought occurred to him, "Wait. . .how did you get all the ice?"

"Look behind you!" a voice said.

Keldeo turned and gasped. The voice had belonged to Max the Glaceon. Nearby stood Kyle the Grovyle as well. There was even Ryan and Jordan themselves. The rest of Jordan's Pokemon were there too, all smiling as well.

"Oh my gosh. . ." Keldeo said. He was so happy he was shedding tears of joy. "You're all here. . .wow. . ."

Ryan nodded, "That's right Keldeo! I've been wanting to come back here ever since that review we did together! Now it's time to have some fun!"

Jordan smiled and motioned to all his Pokemon, "Now you can meet everyone and person! And I'm sure they're all excited about meeting you and the other Swords of Justice!"

The Pokemon all cheered in response.

Keldeo stood tall and said, "Well, there's only one thing to say . . . "

And with that, everyone turned to YOU and said:

"Merry Christmas in July, everybody!"

_Remember the Savior!_

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

**Credits**

_The First Noel_

_Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July_

Santa Baby_ by Joan Jevits and Phillip Springer_

Bells Will Be Ringing_ by the Eagles_

Christmas Shoes_ by New Song_

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer_ by Randy Brooks_

_Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

_Nostalgia Critic- The Star Wars Holiday Special_

_Nostalgia Critic- Son of the Mask_

_Nostalgia__ Critic- Old Vs New: Willy Wonka_

_Star Wars_

_Portal 2_

_Santa Buddies_

_Suburban Commando_

_Wikipedia_

_That Guy With the Glasses_

In all seriousness, someone get a petition going to make Doug Walker get rid of Santa Christ. It's very offensive to Christians and an insult to Christianity itself.

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	45. FightingType Cousins

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- FightingType Cousins by FictionaryMan03895 **

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

I've been reviewing a lot of FictionaryMan's stories. In fact, I just checked his page, and I saw that I've already reviewed almost all of his stories! So, I've decided to go ahead and finish FicitonaryMan's work off right here, right now! That way I can move on and start making my review for a certain Pokemon/Yu-Gi-Oh Crossover I've had my eye on for quite a while. I would've reviewed it already if it weren't for that meddling Scyther. So, let's get 'er done! Here's _FightingType Cousins!_

* * *

_**FightingType Cousins**_

_Author: FictionaryMan03895 PM_

___A Christian Devotional Short Story. Did you know that Ryan has a cousin that's a pokemon?_

* * *

No, I didn't know that. . .

* * *

_Well, that doesn't mean that they get along too well. Whether it's over the last slice of pizza or a turn on The Force Unleashed 2, these two pokemon members of the Konerson family always fight. But does that mean that the young lucario and infernape shouldn't at least TRY to get along?_

* * *

A Steel-type and a Fire-type, I see the friction between them. But, hey! I'm a Water-type, and Terrakion's a Rock-type and Virizion's a Grass-type, and we get along. I'm guessing Jordan will help this cousins get along. But how are they related? Where does Infernape live? Well, let's find out!

So we start in Ryan the Lucario and Jordan the Human's house. Ryan isn't happy. Why?

* * *

_**Fighting-Type Cousins**_

_"I still can't believe you're not happy about this, Little Bro," Jordan said to his lucario brother, Ryan. "I thought you liked it whenever Adam and Ben visited."_

_"I already told you, I don't mind Adam and Ben, but I do mind Blaze," Ryan replied._

_"C'mon, Ryan, Blaze is our cousin, and he's the only other member of the Konerson family that's a pokemon. You two seem like a good match."_

* * *

**_OBJECTION!_**

* * *

_The young lucario groaned. "Okay. First of all; he's your cousin, not mine. Second of all; we do not make a good match. For starters: we may both be Fighting-Types; but as an infernape, Blaze is primarily a Fire-Type; and as a lucario, I'm a secondary Steel-Type!"_

* * *

_**HOLD IT!**_

* * *

_"This coming from the guy whose best friend will grow up to be a Fire/Flying-Type?" Jordan asked._

* * *

**_TAKE THAT!_**

* * *

_"U-uh um… Dragon's an exception! We met two weeks before I decided to evolve!" snapped Ryan._

* * *

_(Keldeo stopped snickering and composed himself)_

Okay, that was just a little something for all you _Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney _fans. Seriously, whats fun about pretending to be a lawyer?

* * *

_"C'mon, Little Bro," Jordan spoke softly, "tell me the truth. Why aren't you happy about this?"_

_The young lucario sighed as he sat down on the living room sofa. "Okay," Ryan spoke softly to his human brother as he sat down alongside him, "the thing is that Blaze and I always fight whenever we cross each other's paths. Whether it's over who gets their turn on The Force Unleashed 2 or the last slice of pizza, we're just two cooks who've mastered the recipe for disaster. So what's the point in considering that infernape my cousin, if all we're gonna do is fight?"_

* * *

So Blaze the Infernape lives with their cousins Adam and Ben, and he apparently likes Star Wars too if he fights to play _The Force Unleashed_ _2_. I'd actually like to see a quick flashback of them fighting over a pizza or trying to wrestle a Wii mote out of each others hands. Sorry, but I have to acknowledge the missed opportunity for some comedy.

* * *

_As Ryan gazed down and frowned, Jordan wrapped his left arm around him. "Well, Ryan, have you ever though about walking in Blaze's footsteps? How would you feel if Blaze felt the same way about you?"_

_Ryan remained silent for several moments. He remembered everything he had said and imagined Blaze saying it all, directly at him. "I guess I kinda sounded like a jerk a few minutes ago, didn't I?" the young lucario sighed as he looked up at his human brother. "But even if we're not fighting, Blaze never talks to me. I bet he wants to hang me by my collar."_

* * *

Whoa, whoa! Kinda going overboard, aren't you Ryan? You just said Blaze wants to kill you!

* * *

_"I don't think he hates you, Ryan," Jordan replied, "I think he just feels the same way about you. I mean, from what I've observed, you've kinda been defensive and you overreact a lot."_

_"I am NOT defensive, and I do NOT OVERREACT!" Ryan harshly reacted._

* * *

Oh no! He's turning into Lucas from _Breaking the Chains! _Run, Jordan! RUN!

* * *

_ Jordan was slightly frightened, and Ryan soon realized by the fear in Jordan's brown eyes what he had done. "I-I'm sorry, Jordan! I-I-I didn't mean to!"_

_"See? That's exactly what I'm talking about," Jordan said, as he pulled himself back together. "Maybe this is what Blaze wants to avoid."_

_Ryan frowned and looked down. He felt so ashamed in himself that he started whimpering. The fifteen-year-old boy scooted closer to the young lucario and carefully hugged him without touching the spike on Ryan's chest._

_"Alright," Ryan said, "I'm sorry." Jordan pulled away from Ryan and listened to him. "Maybe I have been as hot-headed as Blaze is." Jordan and Ryan silently chuckle._

_"That's funny, because Blaze literally is 'hot-headed.'"_

* * *

_(Keldeo face-hoofed)_

NEVER explain a joke. Explaining jokes kills them!

So Ryan realized what a jerk he's been, and decides to see if Blaze will give him a second chance.

* * *

_The young lucario's smile fades as he sighs. "But… what if Blaze doesn't give me a chance?"_

_Jordan placed his left hand on the back of Ryan's head, above the appendages, and rubbed it. "I believe he will, because he's your cousin as well as mine."_

_DING-DONG!_

_"Well, that's them!" Jordan said as he stood up. "Do you wanna go say 'hi,' Ryan?"_

_"You go on ahead. I'll catch up in a minute." Jordan nodded and left the living room. Ryan bowed his head, put his paws together, and prayed silently. "Dear Heavenly Father, please help me. I haven't been completely been treating Blaze like family, so I need You to help me control myself, not overreact, and treat my infernape cousin as family. Amen."_

* * *

Remember, this is a Christian story.

So, we finally get a look at these new characters.

* * *

_Then Ryan heard the door open. He got up off the couch and walked into the entry way. There he saw Jordan meeting up with a thirteen-year-old boy with short blond hair wearing a gray Seattle Huskies sweatshirt and black jeans, and a four-feet-tall, humanoid monkey with white and brownish-red fur and a big flame burning on his head. The young lucario smiled and came to say hi._

_"Hey there, Ryan," Ben said as he rubbed Ryan's head. "How's it going?"_

_"Great," Ryan replied. "It's good to see you, too, Ben." Then he looked around and saw that there was no one else left. "W-where's Adam?"_

_"Adam's off in Africa," Ben replied. "The plane left last night."_

_Ryan felt disappointed. "So… it's just… the four of us this weekend?" the young lucario asked._

_Jordan came over and rubbed Ryan's head. "Don't worry, buddy. We'll still have fun together."_

* * *

But why did the author mention Adam when he's not even here? Will he be in any future stories? Well, it's just a detail, I guess.

* * *

_"Yeah, you're right," Ryan replied, but as he saw Blaze's cold look, he knew that that the young infernape wasn't thinking the same thing. But then Ryan decided to pluck up courage. "Blaze," the young lucario spoke, "we need to talk."_

_Blaze, feeling disoriented, replied, "Um, okay?"_

_It wasn't too long before Jordan figured out what Ryan meant._

_"Hey…, uh, Ben," Jordan spoke, "why don't we just give our pokemon some privacy and head upstairs to my room to play some basketball on Mario Sports Mix?"_

_"I'm cool with that," Ben replied._

* * *

_**Yogurt: **Moichandising!_

* * *

_Then Jordan and Ben raced upstairs, leaving Blaze and Ryan alone in awkward silence._

_It was brief moment before Blaze finally said, "Well? What did you want to talk to me about?"_

_Ryan sighed as he confronted his infernape cousin. "Blaze… have we been treating each other like family?"_

_"Pft! No," Blaze said as he crossed his arms. "All we ever do is fight. And you wanna know somethin'? It always starts with you. You get so defensive, you only care about winning*****, and you always get me to lose my temper."_

* * *

**_GLaDOS:_**_ You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing. You're not smart, you're not a scientist, you're not a doctor you're not even a full time employee._

* * *

_Ryan remained silent and contemplated all that Blaze just said. Then he sighed, and said two words, "I'm sorry."_

_Blaze blinked in confusion. "….What?"_

_"I said…"_

_"N-n-no… I-I believe you, i-it's just that… I don't believe it. Are you really apologizing to me?"_

_"Blaze," Ryan spoke softly, "I know that we haven't been getting along together, but that doesn't mean we can't change that. I mean… we do have some things in common; we both consider our owners our brothers; we talk like humans, due to brain surgery; and we're the only two members of the Konerson family who're pokemon. Blaze… what would God want from us?"_

_"Well… I do remember the Bible saying to love our neighbor as ourselves. A-and the twelve Disciples were like family-except one of them." Then the young infernape gazed at the young lucario, and then smiled. "I think we need to stop acting like adversaries…" Blaze began._

_"…and start acting like a family," Ryan finished as he smiled. Then the young lucario and infernape cousins clinch their right paws into fists, and bump their knuckles together._

* * *

Now this is a hundred times better than _Veggie Tales!_

* * *

_ "Cousins?" Ryan asked as he and Blaze both withdrew their arms._

_"Cousins," Blaze assured as he gave a light punch on Ryan's right arm._

_"Hey, take it easy!" Ryan chuckled. "I'm a Steel-Type, remember?"_

_"Relax, dog. It's not like I have the ability Iron Fist. Oh, wait! I do have that ability."_

_"Really? I always thought you had the ability Blaze."_

_"What makes you think that?" Blaze asked with confusion._

_Ryan just laughed._

* * *

There! See! He didn't explain the joke, so it's funny! Ryan is _clearly_ much better at comedy than Jordan is!

* * *

_"You know what? Why don't we just head upstairs? Sports Mix is a 4-player game, right?" Blaze nods. "C'mon, Little Cous'."_

_"Right behind you, Big Cous'." Blaze replies._

_Then Ryan and Blaze headed upstairs to play along with their human brothers and cousins._

_**The End**_

* * *

Wait? Blaze is younger than Ryan? How is that possible? So Blaze evolved twice as fast, I guess. Wow. As, whatever, this story was a sweet devotional. Everything worked out in the end. However, I really wish we got to see a flashback of Blaze and Ryan fighting. Then we could not only laugh, but see the exact extend of hteir rivalry. But this was meant to be short, so it's okay.

Well, I guess I'm done with FictionaryMan's stories, but something keeps bugging me, as if I'm forgetting something. . .

* * *

_"Pft! No," Blaze said as he crossed his arms. "All we ever do is fight. And you wanna know somethin'? It always starts with you. You get so defensive, you only care about winning*****, and you always get me to lose my temper."_

* * *

Oh yeah, that little asterisks. What's up with that?

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**_

_*** "A Friendly Match" One-shot reference.**_

* * *

"A Friendly Match"?

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	46. Commercial 5

Jordan and Ryan were sitting at home in the living room. They sat back on the couch as the latest episode of _LEGO: Legends of Chima _ended.

"Wow. This show sure is cool! The action scenes are awesome!" Jordan said.

The young Lucario nodded and said, "It sure was! Laval can sure be reckless sometimes!"

"Yeah. All the characters are amazing, and they're all entertaining. And the animation is is beautiful and bright. I'd say its better than Ninjago," Jordan replied.

Ryan thought for a moment and said, "Hey Jordan, wouldn't it be cool if we could animate films with LEGOs."

Jordan thought about this, and he nodded while smiling thoughtfully., "Yeah. That would be interesting."

Ryan smiled and said, "Well, we've got a camera, and a bunch of mini figures. . ."

* * *

_**Avengers**_

_**Superman**_

_**Pokemon**_

_You know him as Fictionaryman03895, but on Youtube, he goes by another name..._

**BRICKBOY1894**_  
_


	47. A Friendly Match

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- A Friendly Match by FictionaryMan03895**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

Well, it looks like I have one more Fanfic of FictionaryMan's to review. _A Friendly Match._

* * *

_**A Friendly Match**_

_Author: FictionaryMan03895 PM_

_After losing a gym battle, Jordan's riolu, Ryan, no longer trusts him as a brother. Can Jordan regain the little riolu's trust, friendship, and brotherhood, and explain the concept of good sportsmanship? Read & Review... PLEASE!_

* * *

The answer is yes, otherwise those other stories wouldn't exist. But it's not getting there that matters, it's how you get there. So let's see how Jordan gets there!

* * *

_A Friendly Match_

_"Ryan the riolu is unable to battle!" The referee shouted. "Beedrill wins! Therefore, challenger Jordan has lost the gym battle!"_

_"Hey!" Jordan shouted. "It's bad enough that me and my team lost. You don't have to rub it in my face!"_

* * *

Okay, who the heck is obnoxious enough to yell at the referee? Who does that?

* * *

_Jordan went over to Ryan, who was lying on the court floor unconciously. Jordan picked the little riolu up and held him in his arms._

_The gym leader Queen Bee Betty, who wore a yellow dress with black stripes, looked at the fourteen year-old as he held the unconcious riolu. She noticed that Jordan had a sad look on his face._

_"Are you okay?" Betty asked sympathetically._

_"Yeah" Jordan sighed. "It's that I feel like... I broke a promise with my brother." Then Jordan withdrew Ryan back into his poke ball. Then he walked out the gym._

_Later that evening, at the Pokemon Center, Jordan turned in his five poke balls to the healing desk. The nurse put the poke balls on a small tray, and then she slid it into a machine that looked just like an oven. The nurse then shut the glass door on the machine, and pressed the green start button._

_"That thing still bothers me a little bit," Jordan said. "It kinda reminds me of Hansel and Gretel. But then again, it also reminds me of that story from the Bible." Jordan then remembered reading the Bible to his riolu, Ryan, last week. But then Jordan remembered that his little brother hates losing. "My riolu is not gonna be happy when I pull him out."_

_"What makes you think that?" the nurse asked politely._

_"It's just that he hates losing" responded Jordan. He then remembered that the evolved form of riolu, lucario, can doubt their trainers if the trainer lets it down._

* * *

Is that referencing Maylene's Lucario? Id it is, clever. If it isn't. . .nice touch anyway!

* * *

_Jordan then started to worry that maybe the same thing happens with a riolu. Jordan then watched as the timer on the healing machine went off._

_"Sounds like your pokemon are all better now!" the nurse said happily._

_"At least physically," Jordan sighed. The nurse then handed the Poke Balls to Jordan, who then put four of them in his backpack._

* * *

I wonder, since these stories take place in the real world, is the nurse a Nurse Joy, or is it just a normal person who doesn't have a million clones running around? Seriously Nurse Joy is kinda freaky.

* * *

_Jordan then took the other Poke Ball and opened it up. Ryan then came out. Jordan then knelt down to the little riolu, and said, "Are you okay, little bro?" As Jordan tried to place his hand on Ryan's shoulder, Ryan swiped it away._

* * *

Does that answer your question, Jordan?

(_Keldeo sighed)_

Well, let's see what _Lucas_ has to say.

* * *

_"Don't call me that anymore!" Ryan said angrily. "I trusted you, Jordan. We made a promise together that we'd always be brothers. I kept my end of the promise!" Then Ryan grabbed his small red collar and took it off his neck. Then he threw it on the ground, right in front of Jordan. Then the little riolu looked right back up at Jordan. "But you just couldn't keep your end of the promise!" he then shouted. Ryan then ran towards the door and out._

_"Ryan, wait!" Jordan shouted. Jordan then got on his feet, picked up Ryan's little red collar, and ran after Ryan._

* * *

Ryan, you lost a battle! How does that break any promises! He didn't promise you'd always win! And another thing, you were the one fighting! Doesn't that make it your fault? At the very least, you _both_ lost.

* * *

_Later at a riverbank in Butterfly Forest,_

* * *

_(Keldeo snickered)_

Butterfly Forest? Really?

_(Keldeo looked around nervously)_

What?

It was funny!

* * *

_Ryan stopped running to rest. He panted like a dog, with his tongue out. He was so angry, that when he regained his strength, he drove his fist into a rock and smashed it._

* * *

AHHH!

. . .well. . .Ryan learned Rock Smash!

* * *

_Jordan then came by, and when Ryan saw him, he looked away._

_"Ryan, can I talk to you?" he politely asked._

_"Go away!" the little riolu angrily shouted._

_Jordan then walked up to Ryan from behind. "Ryan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we lost."_

_"I don't believe you."_

_Jordan then knelt down to Ryan. "Ryan, I didn't mean to break our brotherly promise."_

_"Well, you did."_

_Jordan the sat down, and scooted next to Ryan. "Ryan, please listen to me."_

_"No!" Ryan shouted as he put his blue paws on his little ears. "I'm not listening to you anymore!"_

_"Ryan, please just hear me out!" Jordan said as he brought Ryan's little arms down. "Listen, I'm sorry we lost, but you have to understand that losing wasn't that big of a deal. We were just playing a game."_

_"But if we were truly brothers, you'd remember that I hate losing!"_

_Jordan then started to get frustrated with Ryan. He even clinched his left hand into a fist, just so Ryan couldn't see it. Jordan then took a deep breath, and continued with his lecture._

* * *

You know it's interesting. Making fists and taking a deep breath is actually a regular thing with Jordan. He did it in the Summer Story I reviewed. Just a quick fact.

* * *

_"You're right, Ryan. I would remember that you hate losing, and I do." Jordan said firmly. He looked at Ryan as he sat down cross-legged, and crossed his arms. Ryan looked down and away from Jordan, with his eyes closed. "But what I don't understand is why. Ryan… please be a good brother and help me understand. Why do you hate losing?" Jordan said softly. "At anything?"_

* * *

(_Keldeo shrugged and looked around)_

I assumed he's just a. . . sore. . . looser. . .

* * *

_Ryan sighed and opened his eyes, although he still didn't look up at Jordan. "Because losing is the opposite of winning, and when I win, I feel good about it. I feel like… I'm the best."_

_"So you're telling me that you just want to be better than everyone else?" Jordan said. The little riolu nodded his little head._

* * *

_I wanna be, the very best!_

_That no one ever was!_

* * *

_"Ryan, I don't mean to condemn you, but that's bad sportsmanship" Jordan sighed. "How do think Kyle, Max, Sam, and Robin would feel?"_

_Ryan thought about how much his friends meant to him. "I guess… discouraged."_

_"Exactly. They'd feel less confident if they thought that they weren't as good as you." Jordan looked at the reflection of the moon in the water. "Ryan, do you remember last Tuesday when you won hide-and-seek nine times in-a-row?" Jordan asked. Ryan nodded his head. "Well… Sam wasn't too happy about it."_

_"I… I guess I was a little… merciless" Ryan admitted softly._

* * *

_(Keldeo scratched his head)_

So, winning at hide and seek 9 times makes you merciless? I think what was meant here was that Ryan was prideful and rubbed it in Sam's face or something like that. Yeah, that's what I'm taking away from this.

* * *

_You didn't have any mercy. In fact, it bothered Sam so much, that when I was playing video games that night, that little buizel came to me with a piece of paper in one hand and a pencil in the other. You wanna know what he wrote? 'Ryan is a buzz kill'."_

_Ryan was shocked at what he just heard. "He… actually wrote that?" the little riolu asked as he looked up at Jordan._

* * *

_(Keldeo burst out laughing)_

Okay, ignoring the fact that Pokemon can't read or write, that was hilarious! Just imagine a Buizel writing something down and giving it to you. That's just priceless! Imagine if that happened in the show!

_"Iris, you seemed really determined to come with me when I said I was going back to Kanto. Was it really because you wanted to see more Dragon-types," Ash asked Iris._

_"Well," Iris began. but then Axew popped out of her hair and took out a piece of paper and a pencil. He wrote something down and gave it to Ash._

_Ash read it aloud, "'_Iris has a crush on you-' _WHAT!"_

_"AXEW!" Iris screamed._

Wow, Ryan's gotta learn to control his anger. I guess if you scanned him with a Pokedex it would say his Nature is Rash or maybe Adamant.

* * *

_Jordan nodded his head. "I was surprised, too. But Ryan, please understand that when all you want to do is win, neither people or pokemon want to be around you. Ryan,… they would want to be around a good sport, someone who just enjoys the game and hopes that everyone did too, someone who thinks of any competitive game as… a friendly match."_

* * *

Title drop!

* * *

_Jordan looked down at Ryan, who felt very ashamed._

_"You okay, Ryan?" Jordan asked softly as he put his hand on the little riolu's shoulder._

_"No. I'm not" Ryan sighed. Jordan withdrew his right hand and reached into his right pocket. He pulled out the same red collar that Ryan abandoned earlier._

_"Will this make you feel better?" Jordan said as he presented the collar to Ryan, who, in response, nodded his head. Then Jordan strapped the collar back on Ryan's neck. Then he placed his hand on the little riolu's back. Then he looked down and remembered what had happened earlier. He took a deep breath, and said, "I'm really sorry we lost, Ryan."_

_Ryan stood up and hugged Jordan on the right side. Then he pulled away from Jordan and said to him, "I forgive you, but Jordan… I'm the one who should be sorry. I was a bad sport. I promise to show better sportsmanship when I lose. In fact, I'll be a good sport whenever I win. I'm really sorry Jordan."_

_"Don't worry about it. I forgive you", Jordan said. Then he remained silent for a brief moment. Then he asked, "Are we still brothers?"_

_Ryan smiled and said, "We'll always be brothers." And with that, the little riolu leaped right up to Jordan and hugged him once more. This time, Jordan hugged Ryan back. After that short, warming hug, Jordan and Ryan started to walk back to Honeycomb City._

_**The End**_

* * *

And so, lesson learned! Ryan will now be a better sport!

Once again, I would've liked to see more. I know FicitonaryMan can write good battles, so I wish we could've seen the battle Ryan lost. What Pokemon did he even loose to? Was it a Beedrill? The Gym Leader's dressed like one.

But remember, these are devotional one shots. They're meant to be short and to the point, not to mention make you feel good when the characters learn something and make up.

So, that's it for FicitonaryMan's fanfics. I'm sure he'll write more in the future. I really want to see more of Ryan, Jordan, and all there friends and family. Word on the street is, _I'll_ be in the next story! Can you imagine that! Wow! I'll officially meet Ryan and Jordan in a story! I'm so excited and impatient! But hey! Genius can't be rushed.

I'm Keldeo the Critic and I just reviewed Pokemon Fanfiction!

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Portal_

_Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney_

_Spaceballs_

_Legends of Chima_

_LEGO_

_Cartoon Network_

_Youtube_

_Breaking the Chains _by AuraWielder

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	48. Editorial 4- Zorua Reviews

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Editorial- Zorua Reviews**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

_(Keldeo furrowed his brow and glared)_

I have a bone to pick with a certain little Zorua. I'm sure you all remember what he did a while back.:

* * *

**As you can see, I'm much happier now! Why? Because it turns out that Meloetta didn't break up with me! It was really Zorua using his Illusion Ability! Good thing a ran into the real Meloetta yesterday. And I figured since there aren't any Dittoes in Unova and Zoroark wouldn't a thing like that, it had to be Zorua. We were able to ****_persuade_**** him to confess. . .**

_"What do you think, Meloetta? Hyper Voice?"_

_"What?"_

_"Hmmm . . . okay Kelde! Cover your ears cause here I go!"_

_"AHHHH! NO! I confess! I confess! Meemaaaaaaa!"_

* * *

But let's forget all about, cause that is nothing compared to what he did recently.

In my review of Pokemon World Tour, I made a comment about Zorua Reviews.

* * *

So after the demon is killed, Rayquaza stops the tidal wave, Kyogre is turned into a Magikarp by Arceus as punishment, and Rayquaza becomes Giritana's slave because Giratana proved that Kyogre was lying and not him and know Rayquaza has to wear a maid's outfit and back a cake for Giratana and Arceus- _oh my gosh-oh my gosh- I'm going insane- why am I reading this story and reviewing it __**like one of Zorua's ridiculous reviews that go all over the place-**_

* * *

I was simple comparing the way the crazy fanfic forced me to go around pointing out each random event without giving it much detail because I wanted to get it over with. This was a lot like how Zorua just goes through his reviews rattling off events without going into details of how the events transpire. In fact, are Zorua' reviews even actual reviews? Everything he reviews is "The greatest thing he's ever seen in his life!" That's just impossible! Is everything he watches better than the previous one he watched? That makes no sense. The only thing he didn't like was "Lost at the League." Not only was it not that bad of an episode, he only hated it because everyone else hated it! He gave in to peer pressure!

So you can see that Zorua doesn't really put any effort into his reviews. Plus, he reviews cannon material, which is much easier to review than fannon material. But what's more, this Zorua is petty, over dramatic, and a cry baby! He actually got offended by my comment, and is now trying to make a big stink over it!

* * *

_(Zorua stared off into space in shock)_

_. . .Shocking! Absolutely shocking! I mean, I can understand you insulting and nitpicking and complaining about other people's Fanfiction - they're authors that expect others to read and critique their work with extreme prejudice! But ME?_

_(Zorua's lip trembled and he gave the "puppy dog eyes" look.)_

_I'm just a little kid! And I've had some rotten luck recently!_

* * *

Oh, you gotta be kidding me!

First of all, I don't insult and nitpick and complain! If anyone has been offended, it's me!

And he has a lot of nerve doing that puppy dog eye thing! It makes me so angry when he tries to con readers into giving him Pecha Berries just because he's cute.

But wait. . .there's more! Look what Zorua tries to do to me here!

* * *

_This joke has gotten so many people upset that certain Legendary Pokemon have already voiced their opinion!_

_In fact, the other Swords of Justice are upset with Keldeo about this. This is what thye had to say about it!_

* * *

_(Clips from "Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice" are now played. They were clearly sloppily and hastily edited together.)_

_Virizion: *gasp*(EDIT)Keldeo has given in(EDIT)._

_Terrakion: I can't stand and do nothing!_

_Virizion: Keldeo(EDIT)You must think for yourself._

_Coballion: You're reckless(EDIT)now is the time to learn Keldeo._

* * *

_You said it, Swords of Justice!_

* * *

_(Keldeo is grinding his teeth)_

That little punk took scenes from my movie, and cut and pasted them together to make it look like the Swords of Justice were mad at me.

That little con artist! The Swords of Justice don't even care about this! And I certainly did not do anything wrong!

But wait!

_(Keldeo is shaking with anger)_

There's more! Just when you think Zorua couldn't stoop any lower. . .just look.

* * *

_This is my attorney Mr. Cilan, and he has quite a few things to say to the Keldeo the Critic!_

_(Cilan walked in wearing a green suit)_

_Whenever there is a legal dispute, a hate crime, a civil rights issue, a fraud, or any injustice, I am here to make sure everything is set right through due process of law! IT'S LAWYER TIME!_

* * *

_(Keldeo looks hurt)_

Cilan. . .no. . .

Aren't we friends? Didn't that whole adventure mean anything to you?

Well, after they rip off a scene from Willy Wonka, Cilan's brain starts working again.

* * *

For if the courts rule in our favor, and they will, then we shall receive. . .a BOX OF PECHA BERRIES!

_(Zorua nods in agreement, but Cilan blinks and looks at the document he's holding)_

_...Wait, what? That's it? All of this legal posturing for...a box of Pecha Berries?_

Ah, no no no no no. A _giant_ box of Pecha Berries.

_(Cilan stare at Zorua for a long time, then he turned on his heel and walked away)_

_...I'm outta here._

_(Zorua gasped and called out after Cilan)_

No, wait! This affects us all! What about-?

_Good day, sir!_

But wait!

_I said good DAY!_

_(Zorua whimpered and hung his head. He sighed and looked up)_

* * *

Thank you, Cilan!

So what does Zorua have to say to this?

* * *

_This is Zorua here, and I was wondering. . . Do you got any Justice! PLEASE! I really like Justice! Come on, help a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please?_

* * *

I'm a Sword of Justice! How can you get so worked up over a single comment? It's beyond me!

And plus, he insulted my reviews too!

Well, Zorua son of Zoroark, I propose a challenge! I dare you to review a Fanfiction! Choose anyone you want! It can be of your own choosing, or maybe someone can suggest one for you to read in a comment! Then we'll see who's the better reviewer, and everyone will see that I was right about you!

Go on! I dare you, Zorua! I dare you!

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review Pokemon Fan-fiction!

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_

_Nostalgia__ Critic vs Angry Video Game Nerd_

_Bum Reviews_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	49. Pokemon Duels of Destiny Book 2- Chap1-4

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Pokemon Duels of Destiny Ordeal with Orichalcos by MewLover54**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

Pokemon: Awesome!

Yu-Gi-Oh: Awesome!

Put 'em together. . .okay I guess. It's not bad, it's kinda cool. You know what, how about we just see how it works for ourselves.

Now, MewLover54 wrote a Yu-Gi-Oh/Pokemon crossover trilogy. I looked through them, and I'd say the second one is the best. Probably because it's right in the middle. Also, it's a parody of Season 4 of the original Yu-Gi-Oh.

_Abridged Marik: "You mean the season nobody liked?"_

_Abridged Bakura: "That's the one."_

Shut up! The Waking the Dragons Arc was awesome! And that Orichalcos theme was the greatest piece of music the Yu-Gi-Oh franchise ever created!

But, we're not talking about the show, this is a crossover fanfic. It's still good though, don't get me wrong. Well, then let's get into it.

* * *

_**Pokemon Duels of Destiny Ordeal with Orichalcos**_

_Author: MewLover54 _

_Sequel to Pokemon Duels of Destiny Rise of the Wicked Gods. The legendaries have to step down and let the pokemon in Prof. Oaks lab pick up the fight. Pikachu/Buneary Chimchar/Piplup._

* * *

Yeah, the author thought Piplup was a girl. But this is Alternate Universe, so I'll let it slide.

So we begin in the Hall of Legends! Awesome!

* * *

_**Making of Legends**_

_After the defeat of the Wicked Gods, things had been running smoothly for the legendaries. No other threats appeared. However that's all going to change today. But this time, they aren't the ones to save the world._

_In the Hall_

_"What do you mean 'markings of the Legends'!" Mew asked Arceus very questioningly. Arceus repeated what she had just said. Obviously getting annoyed._

_"What I mean is that, after what happened ten years ago, that we need to select ordinary Pokémon to help protect the world as we will not always be around protect the world." Arceus said._

_"So we're trusting the safety of the world in the hands of ordinary Pokémon?" Azelf asked. Once again Arceus looked very annoyed._

_"Yes! This will be good! We can't do everything to protect the world and they need to work as well."_

_"So...Who do we choose?" Uxie asked. Mew then held a huge grin._

_"I know who I'm going to choose. This human's Pikachu helped me on many occasions and I'm sure he can handle a deck." He stated happily. "And maybe the fellow Pokémon with him can help too."_

_"I think I know which human your talking about..." Celebi said quietly rubbing her stomach, or what appeared to be stomach, as it was slightly swollen. "And that's a good idea Mew." Mew smiled again, but this time calming down a bit._

_"Thanks love." He said kissing her on the cheek, rubbing her stomach as well._

_"Alright I'll see about them. Dismissed." Arceus said turning around to go to bed, it was midnight and Celebi was moody at everybody except Mew. "She is having his kid after all."_

_That was true. After three years of trying they finally got pregnant, she was expected to lay the egg in about a week. So she has been having terrible mood swings and has been eating a lot as well, but at least when the baby comes, it will be worth it._

* * *

Well, at least the author got Mew's gender right. Also, Mew and Celebi shipping! YES!

Then we switch back to Professor Oak's lab, where hopefully we'll get t see Ash do some dueling!

* * *

_At Professer Oak's Laboratory_

_"Tracy, are you done giving the Pokémon all the food they'll need?" asked Professer Oak, picking up a suitcase. "Hurry or we'll be late!"_

_"Alright Professer! I just finished!" Tracy shouted back coming into the room. "I still can't believe that your leaving the Pokémon on their own four six months." Tracy exclaimed._

_"Well they deserve a vacation as well as us. Anyway, I trust that Pikachu and Bulbasaur can keep all the other Pokémon in line." True to his word, him and Tracy were meeting Ash, Brock and all their friends for a vacation to Cinnibar Island for six months. This is actually a break through for Ash, considering that he has never been separated from Pikachu._

_Even though Ash had initially wanted to bring Pikachu along. Ash thought better of it and decided that he needed to see his fellow Pokémon again. After all, the last time Pikachu has seen the other Pokémon Ash had left with Oak since the start of his Sinnoh adventure._

_"Alright Buneary we're heading off! Tell Pikachu okay!" Tracey asked a small, brown, fluffy rabbit known as Buneary. Who replied with a nod while saying 'Bun'._

_"Alright let's go or we'll be late!" Oak said literally dragging Tracy and his luggage at the same time. Buneary giggled to herself, watching the whole seen._

_"For an old guy he sure is strong." Buneary said to herself which would sound like "Bun, Bun, neary." To a human. She then hopped off to find Pkachu or Bulbasaur but she was hoping she'd find Pikachu first._

* * *

Wait, the humans aren't even in this story?!

* * *

_With Pikachu and Piplup_

_"Well. Do you like Buneary?" Piplup asked right out of the blue. Pikachu just looked at her like she was an idiot._

_"Of course I like her. She's my friend." Pikachu said obviously not picking up on the main concept of the question._

_"No! As in more than a friend!" Piplup stated. Pikachu just looked confused._

_"What like best friend?" At this point Piplup got very frustrated._

_"No! Arceus! You're an idiot! I mean like Boyfriend, Girlfriend kind of thing!" Piplup practically shouted._

_"OH! Well I don't know." Pikachu said a bit defeated, now it was Piplup's turn to look confused._

_"What do you mean you don't know?" Piplup asked curiously._

_"It's just. I think she only likes me cause of my battle skills. Lots of other Pokémon were." Pikachu said._

_"Come on Pikachu! Do you even believe that!" Piplup asked. Pikachu's ears drooped._

_"I don't know what to think." Pikachu admitted. Piplup then got a brainstorm._

_"Well why not try losing a battle on purpose while Buneary was watching. If she only liked you for your battle skills then she'd lose interest if she saw someone stronger!" Piplup said._

_"I'm not and I repeat NOT! Going to lose a battle on purpose! I have pride Piplup!" Pikachu said firmly._

_"What about losing a duel then?" Pikachu then looked at his cards._

_"I lose at this all the time anyway." Pikachu said._

_"Well that's sorted then!" Piplup stated running off._

_"PIPLUP!" Pikachu shouted. "I DON'T FEEL RGHT ABOUT THIS!"_

* * *

_(Keldeo is very confused)_

The _Pokemon_ are dueling? That's ridiculous!

Well, this actually is better than just turning all the Pokemon into cards. Pretty imaginative if you ask me. So, Pikachu has a duel with a random Riolu that just happens to show up at the lab.

* * *

_"Well Piplup sure knows how to pick an opponent. He looks fierce." Buneary thought in her head. Riolu looked at her and smiled._

_"Hello and what might your name be beautiful?" the blue Pokémon asked. Buneary, obviously nervous replied. "Ah Buneary."_

_"Um...What about this challenge?" Pikachu asked glaring daggers at Riolu. Piplup and Buneary both looked at him and the saying if looks could kill suddenly popped into their heads._

_"Oh right. Sorry. Let's go to a more open field." Riolu said, running towards the exit. Everyone just sweat dropped and followed him._

_10 minutes later_

_"DUEL!" both of them shouted, activating their disks._

_"Wow! Their duel has brought a crowd." Said a green, dinosaur looking creature with a bulb on his back said._

_"Yeah Bulbasaur! Let's hope Pikachu can win this time. I mean he needs the self-a-steam boost." A red monkey Pokémon with a flame for a tail known as chimchar said._

_**(Pikachu lp.4000 hand:6)**_

_**(Riolu lp.4000 hand:5)**_

* * *

It turns out Pikachu has a Morphtronic deck, like Leo in Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's. Riolu has an Exodia deck, like the Rare Hunter in the original Yu-Gi-Oh. Yeah, as if we didn't have enough reasons to not like this guy. Has a crush on Pikachu's girlfriend? Yeah, that's already bad, but let's make him a jerk and give him the deck of a villain.

So, Pikachu beats him in record time. Seriously, shortest duel ever! So Riolu walks away angrily,and Buneary hugs Pikachu. Nothing new here. So much for Piplup's plan!

So in chapter 2: Surprising Revelations, we skip forward a bit.

* * *

_**Surprising Revalation**_

_"Alright! Finish this Datatron!" Pikachu's Memory Stick looking monster obeyed and hit the opponent's, Chimchar's, life points with a stream of fire._

_**(Pikachu lp.1800 hand:1) WIN**_

_**(Chimchar lp.0 hand:0) LOSE**_

_"Man Pikachu! When did you get so good?" Chimchar asked as the monsters that where currently on the field disappeared._

_"Don't feel bad Chimchar. I guess I got a lucky winning streak." Pikachu said nonchalantly. Chimchar sighed._

_"Beating twenty eight opponents in a row is not a lucky streak. You must have got lessons or something." Chimchar exclaimed._

_"Believe what you want but I'm going to find the others. Maybe they want to duel." Pikachu said, starting to walk off._

_"Hey! Wait up!" Chimchar said trying to catch up to his friend._

* * *

So Pikachu has suddenly turned into Yugi Moto.

So, everyone shows each other their special cards, except for Buneary. . .

* * *

_"I don't like any of my cards!" Buneary almost shouted. The others looked at her shocked._

_"Why not?" Pachirisu asked._

_"I don't want to talk about it!" Buneary said and bounced away really fast but there was one thing all her friends could tell from her blurry face..._

_...she was crying._

_With Pikachu_

_"Hey Sceptile!" Pikachu yell to get the attention of the tall, green Pokémon with a shrub like tail. It worked._

_"Hello Pikachu. Still on your winning streak?" He asked._

_"You bet. I just won duel number seventy four!" Pikachu exclaimed. Sceptile nodded._

_"Very impressive. But still. If you someday wish to duel the King of Games, Lucario, Then you'll have to keep on winning."_

_"I know. But I heard that he retired and gave his deck to his daughter..." Just then a brown blur rushed past in-between them. "Was that Buneary!" Pikachu asked, admiring her speed._

_"Yes. And she appeared to be crying. Maybe you should go talk to her."_

_"Why me?" Pikachu asked._

_"Well you have this way of calming anyone down when you want to." Sceptile replied._

_"Yeah, I suppose. And then maybe she'll want to duel me!" Pikachu exclaimed, running off to find the saddened rabbit Pokémon._

* * *

Wait, so Lucario's the Yugi Moto? Or maybe I should making connections and just enjoy it. Yeah, that works better.

* * *

_With Buneary_

_Buneary was just sitting on the edge of the cliff looking through her deck..._

_Dark Magician, Summoned Skull, Kuriboh, Black Luster Soldier._

* * *

Wait! So Buneary has Yugi's deck? But if Lucario's the King of Games. . .that means . . .

* * *

_She smiled when looking at the Black Luster Soldier. It reminded her of Pikachu: Strong, Brave, Heroic and handsome. But then she got a flash back that still haunted her._

_FlashBack_

_"Why can't you make a good move. To think of all my qualities to get! Dueling isn't one of them!" a Lucario shouted at a younger version of herself._

_"Dad, please I'm trying." Buneary said through her tears._

_"No your not and if you are, It's not good enough!" she just sat there crying. "Stop whining and get up!" he shouted. But still she sat there. "Fine, you asked for it!" he then put his palm flat in front of him. "AURA SPHERE!"_

_End of FlashBack_

* * *

What the heck? Why are you giving Yugi's deck to a heartless piece of trash? And why are you playing the abusive father card? No pun intended! And if Buneary sucks, why did Lucario give his deck to her?

So Pikachu tries to get Buneary to explain what's wrong. When she refuses, they make a deal.

* * *

_"And I won't leave until I know what's wrong." He then had a brainstorm. "Or we could duel, I win, you tell me why your upset, you win, and I'll leave you alone until Piplup's party tonight." That thought was tempting, but she still couldn't duel because of the sheer trauma of the last duel she had._

_But she needed to be alone for a while._

_"Fine. But not in front of anyone. Just you and me." Buneary said. Once her deck was revealed to Pikachu, it was going to be obvious where she had come from and didn't want anyone else to know._

_"Alright!" Pikachu nodded as they went to the separate sides of the cliff._

_"DUEL!" they both shouted drawing five cards each and Buneary claiming the first turn._

_**(Pikachu lp.4000 hand:5)**_

_**(Buneary lp.4000 hand:6)**_

* * *

Now this duel is a lot better. Not only is it longer, we get to see awesome cards like Valkyrion the Magna Warrior and even Dark Magician! However, in Cahpter 3: Dark Magic Attack, Pikachu manages to win cause he's the main character.

* * *

_**(Pikachu lp.1600 hand:4)WIN**_

_**(Buneary lp.0 hand:0)LOSE**_

_After the smoke cleared Pikachu saw Buneary on the ground, crying. "Hey. Come on. It's just a game." Pikachu said walking towards her. She then looked at him._

_"You're not going to make fun of me?" She asked. That caused Pikachu to look shocked._

_"Of course not! I don't care if someone loses a duel. That's no reason to make fun of someone!" He exclaimed then calmed down and tilted his head to the side. "Why would you think I was going to make fun of you?" He asked. Buneary then looked down again and started to cry again._

_"That's what my dad did. I figure everyone does." She said quietly, but Pikachu had heard and to say he was surprised would have been a massive understatement._

_"What! Your dad made fun of you for losing a card game! I heard of parental issues but that's taking it a step far." He said to himself more than anyone else. He then looked at Buneary and for the first time saw that she had a scar on her right leg. "Ouch. Buneary, how did you get that?"_

_Buneary looked at him questionably before understanding that he meant the scar on her leg. "Well, this was before I became part of the team. I had just lost another duel to my dad. And I wouldn't stop crying because he was insulting me. He then told me to stop whining and when I didn't he..." She then stopped in fear of reliving the awful memory. But Pikachu could tell what she was going to saw and was outraged._

_"What! How could a parent do that to his own! Tell me where he is and I'll duel him into the ground for you!" Pikachu shouted. Buneary then sighed._

_"You won't be able to beat him Pikachu. You're good! But he's the King of Games!" Pikachu's jaw then dropped to the ground. He had his suspicions when she summoned the Dark Magician but was not completely aware of her family background until she told him._

_"Oh man...Alright I'll just Volt Tackle him!" Pikachu said firmly. Buneary just shook her head._

_"He's a steel type. No offense, but your moves won't do anything to him." She then heard him say, under his breath, something about not being able to learn Fire Blast until evolving. Which, in turn, made Buneary giggle a bit._

_"It's fine Pikachu! He's not here anymore. So no need to worry!" Pikachu then looked at her oddly._

_"You got that off of Dawn didn't you?" Pikachu said._

_"Yeah! But she's great!" Buneary said hopping up and down a little in happiness which made Pikachu chuckle a bit._

_"Come on. We need to get to Piplup's birthday party!" Pikachu said to her turning away._

_"Pikachu, thank you." Pikachu then turned around._

_"For?"_

_"For helping me when I tried to push you away. If you would have just left me alone I would have been even more depressed than I was a moment ago. Also for listening to me. I feel a lot better now." She said. Pikachu then blushed a bit and that only intensified when she kissed him on the cheek. "So you'll have to lead the way because I have absolutely no idea how I got here."_

_"Huh...Oh right. This way!" Pikachu said, leading Buneary through the forest while having a huge grin plastered to his face._

* * *

Hopefully we'll get to see the Orichalcos take that son of a Ditto's soul later on in this story.

* * *

_"Hey Piplup!" shouted a male's voice behind her. She turned around to see Chimchar._

_"O-oh. H-hey Chimch-char." Piplup mentally slapped herself. She has never stuttered in front of anyone before. She then noticed that Buneary had left, probably to find and explain herself to the other three._

_Chimchar found the stuttering strange but thought better then to question it. "So I have to leave now." This caused Piplup to frown._

_"Why?"_

_"Well it's seven thirty. You know that, since I was with Paul, I hadn't been able to sleep well. So I need to get an early night once every week. Sorry." Piplup shook her head._

_"Nah...Your health is more important than my party. Still I'm glad you came for at least half of it. And if I remember correctly you helped set this up right." He nodded "Then go to sleep. It's fine."_

_"Thanks Pips!" Piplup blushed at the nickname and blushed harder when he hugged her. She knew that Chimchar hugged everyone to say goodbye. But she couldn't help but get a bit flustered when they where in close proximity with each other and his warm body temperature against her cold one wasn't helping with that._

_Chimchar then let go. "See ya' tomorrow." And with that he left. Piplup sighed. "It's a crazy idea!" she thought to herself "I mean what crazy water type falls for a fire type!" Little beknownst to her Chimchar was having similar thoughts himself._

_"She'll never go for me. I'm a fire type, she's a water type. Even then I used to be her enemy as well. Oh well." He sighed sadly as he fell asleep in one of the tall trees without knowing that a small, yellow headed creature was watching him with interest._

* * *

Yeah, it's cute. But Piplups' supposed to be a boy. Also, I like think Aipom and Chimchar make a better couple.

Son in Chapter 4: Luck vs Logic, Uxie decides to give Chimchar her mark of the Legendary thing. Oh, yeah, and Celebi gave birth.

* * *

_"Well I just wanted to talk really. Have you decided who you're going to choose?" Mew asked curiously._

_"Ah...Well no. I haven't really thought about it. Although I do like the looks of that Chimchar that was with the Pikachu you talked about."_

_"Really? I've seen him duel. He doesn't use a strategy that I thought that you would agree with...Luck." Mew stated then saw the bundle in his arms stir a little and open her huge eyes. "Aww...You hungry Alicia." Mew said, obviously referring to the baby girl in his arms. The duplicate pink kitten nodded excitedly. Uxie chuckled a bit._

_"If she got Celebi's brains and your duel skills then I'm sure she'll do fine when she's older." Mew laughed a little as well._

_"Hey Cel isn't bad with a disk either. I actually decided to let her have my Scrap deck when she's seven." This shocked Uxie._

_"Really, wow that's admirable. After all that was your first deck. And a powerful one at that." Mew just shook his head._

_"Hopefully she can see duel spirits as well." Mew then proceeded to get a few berries out of the small bag that Uxie hadn't noticed that Mew had brought. "Here we go Cheri berries! Your favourite." Alicia clapped as Mew fed her. Uxie just watched._

_"Wow! Mew you are great with kids." Mew just smiled at him._

* * *

So back with Chimchar-

* * *

_"Hey you're Chimchar, right?" A voice said behind the fire type, who in turn turned around and saw a Kadabra._

_"Yeah and you are?" The Kadabra, obviously male due to the pitch in his voice from his previous comment, then had a scowl on his face. This confused Chimchar._

_"Your duelling style disgusts me and I'm here to set you straight!" The Kadabra basically screamed at him which caught the attention of a few of the Pokémon around them. Especially Piplup. Who was angry._

_"What's it matter to you how he duels! It's none of your business!" Piplup practically shouted at him. Kadabra looked at her with a glare._

_"Shut up!"_

* * *

What the heck? Is this guy mentally unstable?

* * *

_"Hey! Don't talk to her like that! And yeah it's none of your business how I duel!" Chimchar shouted angrily at the Kadabra. Piplup blushed at the fact that Chimchar is defending her and wished that she had fluff to hide behind like Buneary does._

_"Well how about I make you an offer. We duel. I win and you can never play duel monsters again. But if you win I leave you and everyone associated with you alone."" !Notthisidiotwhoprobablydoesn'tevenknowhowtospellt hewordUxie."_

* * *

_GLaDOS: "Let me give you the fast version: **andmethodicallyknockingpeople'shatsoffthenIaccount ithightimetogettoseaassoonasIcan."**_

Okay, for those of you wondering what the heck this crazy guy just said, he basically somehow knew Uxie chose him, and is jealous? What? Gah, whatever, let's duel!

Oh yeah, and Chimchar has Joey's deck.

* * *

_"To think you have a fan club." Mew said to the being of knowledge._

_"Yeah. But I've decided to give my mark to Chimchar. After all, he is fighting to protect that Piplup. That's noble when the only thing on his side is luck." Uxie said he then started concentrating hard._

_"What do the marks look like anyway?" Mew asked, still feeding Alicia._

_"I guess we'll find out." Uxie said as an energy stream that took the form of Red Dragon Archfiend and shot off out of the cage._

_Back to the duel_

_"My...What the?" Chimchar got hit by a fire._

_"CHIMCHAR!" Piplup and a few others in the audience screamed while others voiced their concerns a bit more quietly. Kadabra, however, laughed._

_"HA I knew that the heavens would punish you for using such a cheap tactic while duelling." Chimchar, however wasn't getting burned and was still standing. The flames then moved to his right arm._

_"...Turn!" Chimchar then drew and smiled. While also looking a bit confused at the new cards in his extra deck._

_**(Kadabra lp.3900 hand:3)**_

_**(Chimchar lp.4000 hand:4)**_

_"I summon Alligator Sword's in attack mode!" suddenly an alligator with armour and a sword appeared. **(lv.4****atk:1500****def:1200)**"Now I activate Natural Tune! This spell now let's me turn my Alligator into a tuner monster!" This shocked Kadabra as much as anyone else._

_"But...You don't have any Synchro monsters!" Kadabra said desperately. Chimchar then laughed._

_"Well this fire seemed to have given me one! And a very cool one at that! So now Alligator Sword's is going to give my Panther Warrior a Tune Up!" Alligator Sword's then became four greens that Panther Warrior jumped through._

_"DestructivefiresbecomethepathwayfortheUltimateFor ce!Burnon!REDDRAGONARCHFIEND!" Everyone who wasn't surprised before where defiantly surprised at the appearance of supposedly Uxie's ace monster. The fiendish dragon then stretched out, almost as if it had just awoke from a great slumber. **(lv.8****atk:3000****def:2000)**_

* * *

Okay, I'm convinced the words being punched up is an error caused by the italics. Also, this seems to also borrow elements from Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's, hence the Signer Marks. And the fact that Jack Atlas' main card is in Joey Wheeler's deck is just hilarious!

So, obviously, Kadabra gets creamed.

* * *

_"I now activate the spell Ancient Rules! Thanks to this spell I can summon one of my favourite cards! Rise RED EYES BLACK DRAGON!" The audience just looked in awe at the second dragon that appeared. The skinny dragon itself was completely black except for it's red eyes. **(lv.7****atk:2400****def:2000)**_

_"Impossible! Why would Uxie give his soul card to you?" Kadabra exclaimed._

_"Maybe because I don't go around attacking innocent Pokémon and trying to stop others from playing a card game!" after this rant the flames around his right arm dissipated and left a yellow mark in the shape of Red Dragon Archfiends wing. "Now Red Dragon Archfiend attack! Burning Blister Blaze!" the Devilish dragon obliged and slammed it's burning fist into the small robotic creature. "Now I'll activate my face down! Linage Of Destruction! Now if a level eight monster on my field destroyed a monster on your field he can attack again!" Kadabra's eyes widened as he was hit by the blazing fist._

_**(Kadabra lp.900 hand:3)**_

_**(Chimchar lp.4000 hand:0)**_

_"Now finish this Red Eyes! Inferno Fire BLAST!" Red Eyes Black Dragon obliged and shot a stream of black fire towards the unfortunate psychic type Pokémon._

_**(Kadabra lp.0 hand:3)LOSE**_

_**(Chimchar lp.4000 hand:0)WIN**_

_"That's all she wrote!" Chimchar cheered, striking a victory pose by pumping his fist in the air. That's when he first saw the mark, but he didn't mind. He got a cool new dragon._

_"Way to go Chimchar!" Piplup said, waddling up to him. Chimchar blushed._

_"Thanks Pip's!" Chimchar said, getting a blush from her with the use of the nickname._

_With Mew and Uxie_

_"Aww...Young love." Mew said to Uxie as the said legendary just nodded._

_"Yeah. To think we used to be like that with Celebi and Azelf. It's like events playing all over again."_

_"Hopefully without the evil psychopath trying to take over the world!" This caused them both to laugh and Alicia, not wanting to be left out, started giggling as well._

* * *

Well, this story's starting to get good! Okay, what's chapter 5?. . . .The Seal and the Rabbit?

_(Keldeo turned to the side and smirks)_

Things are about to get interesting. . .

_(The Seal of Orichalcos Theme plays)_

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	50. Commercial 6

_**This month. . .**_

From outside, part of the New Island lab complex could be seen being blown apart with a psychic glow.

"Whoever stole my cloning technology must not be allowed to use it. I will track them down, and destroy the cloning technology. . ."

_**Mewtwo. . .**_

Mewtwo's eyes narrowed, "And I will destroy _them_ as well. . ."

_**Keldeo. . .**_

__Keldeo stood firm on his hooves and lowered his horn, "Heh! I wish Darkrai would show up again! I'm more than a match for him now!"

_**Darkrai. . .**_

"Zero. . .is it complete. . . ?" Darkrai said.

"Yes, Darkrai. It will be complete in a matter of hours," Zero said.

**_The Ultimate Battle. . ._**

Mewtwo and Darkrai charged at each other. Mewtwo was bathed in Psychic energy, and Darkrai was bathed in Dark energy. The two collided in a huge explosion.

"Take this, Branches of Justice!" Mismagius said as he unleashed a Psywave at the Swords of Justice.

Keldeo shouted a battle cry as he swung his Secret Sword. Attacking with him were a Meowth and a Pikachu, using Fury Swipes and Iron Tail respectively at Darkrai's Dark-type army.

_**. . .The Ultimate Weapon. . .**_

_"Hm-hm-hm-hm-hmmmmm. . . .all bow down to your new Overlord!"_

**_Keldeo and the Swords of Justice:_**

**_Season One Finale!_**

**_CLONE WAR!_**


	51. Pokemon Duels of Destiny Book 2- Chap5-8

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Pokemon Duels of Destiny Ordeal with Orichalcos by MewLover54**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

Okay, Chapter 5: The Seal and the Rabbit. The Legendaries are all talking about the chosen duelists when all of a sudden.

* * *

_ Suddenly a huge screen appeared showing a cloaked figure just standing in the middle of a half constructed Pokémon Center. "Well that's new."_

* * *

What gets me angry is that we skip to Pikachu and Chimchar. Yeah, that mysterious figure can wait! We need to see Pikachu and Chimchar talk about there crushes some more!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete_

So, it turns out Buneary ends up in some. . .weird place in Pallet Town. Okay, I've got a problem here. Buneary ends up in a strange location with no explanation.

* * *

_With Buneary_

_"Urg...Where am I?" Buneary asked, getting up to see she was somewhere else in Pallet Town. Upon closer inspection, she saw that she was on the new construction area. This was where they were building a new Pokémon Centre._

* * *

I'm guessing she got knocked unconscious, I don't know, you could've had a scene explaining this. In fact, the first time I read it, I thought I skipped a scene. But nope, she's suddenly in the weird construction site from the screen in the beginning. Which still is not explained.

* * *

_"You are exactly where I want you!" She heard a familiar voice say. She looked around and saw that it was the Riolu that duelled Pikachu some time ago._

_"Hey! Why did you bring me here?" She asked. Then she heard a voice she never wanted to here again. She turned and saw her father..._

_...The King of Games._

_"Hello there run-away. Did you really think you could get away from me? I made it very clear that until you can duel properly. You can't leave me. However if you wanted to go you had the alternative option of finding a mate. So chose, you can either become mates with this very strong Riolu or you can come home with me?" Lucario sneered._

_"What makes you think you can make my decisions for me?" She then went quiet as her father raised his palm up and flinched at the memory of the scar on her right leg._

_"So make a decision. Me or him?" lucario said again._

_"What do I do? Either way I'll be unhappy." Suddenly a yellow blur charged with electricity came by and smashed into Lucario screaming "VOLT TACKLE!"_

_"Pikachu!" Buneary exclaimed but then frowned to see her duel disk force activated._

_"To think. If you just became my mate I wouldn't have to take your soul."_

_"Fine! If you want to duel! Let's duel!" Buneary responded, still a bit confused at the talk of losing souls._

_**(Buneary lp.4000 hand:6)**_

_**(Riolu lp.4000 hand:5)**_

* * *

Thank you for using a Pokemon move, Pikachu! And yeah, I'm gonna call the Lucario Not-Yugi from now own. So Buneary duels Riolu, and he activates the Seal of Orichalcos!

* * *

_"I'll start with Limit Success. Due to this card the size of our hands can't exceed four!" "Now he can't summon Exodia!" She thought to herself. "Next I summon Obnoxious Celtic Guardian in attack mode!" An elven warrior appeared wearing green armour and stood next to Buneary. __**(lv.4atk:1400def:1200)**__"Turn end with a face down."_

_"I draw!"_

_**(Buneary lp.4000 hand:6)**_

_**(Riolu lp.4000 hand:5)**_

_"I activate the Seal Of Orichalcos!" Suddenly a luminous green ring appeared around them and formed a sort of pentagram shape in the middle. "Now I summon Dark Blade!" a monster wearing black and silver armour appeared and a smaller looking seal appeared on it's head. __**(lv.4atk:1800-2300def:1500-2000)**_

_"The Seal of Orichalcos gives all my monsters a five hundred attack point boost. Now attack that wimpy monster with dark slash!" The dark warrior attacked the guardian. However the Obnoxious Celtic Guardian was still standing after. "What!"_

_"Forgot to mention that my guardian can't be beat in battle by monsters nineteen hundred or above." Buneary stated with a grin._

_"Well you'll still take damage!" Just then Dark Blade turned and struck Buneary causing her to scream in pain._

* * *

Meanwhile, Pikachu and Not-Yugi are fighting when,

* * *

_With Pikachu and Lucario_

_"Aura Sphere!" A ball of white energy was shot at Pikachu._

_"Oh please I've thought Lucarios before IRON TAIL!" With a flick of the tail Pikachu flick the ball right back at Lucario as he was just over whelmed with the force and thrown back into a tree in which Pikachu heard a sickening CRACK!"Oh Arceus! I didn't mean to kill ya." Lucario, however, just started laughing._

_"I've been wanting to die for a while child. I guess I knew hunting Buneary down was a death wish. Don't let this effect you. You're a good kid. Like you said it was an accident." Pikachu nodded and Lucario coughed up some blood. "But you should check on her." They then heard a huge scream._

_"BUNEARY!" Pikachu ran as fast as his legs would take him towards the sound of the distressed bunny._

_"Keep her safe..." Lucario said quietly to Pikachu before his hand fell limp. And lifeless._

* * *

_(Keldeo rubs his eyes and rereads the passage. He looks overcome with disbelief)_

Wow. . .I mean. . .wow. . .there are tons of things wrong with this scene.

First, how does Not-Yugi die that easily? What, did he spend all his time dueling so his physical body deteriorated? That's pretty stupid.

Second, how is tracking down your own defenseless daughter a death wish?

Third, why would you put blood on Pikachu's paws?! I don't want to read about Pikachu killing somebody!

Fourth, if Not-Yugi is this world's version of the King of Games, then wouldn't have been more spectacular to see him, oh, I don't know, maybe DUELING! How about Pikachu defeating him to defend Buneary? How about Buneary defeating him to earn her freedom and pay him back fro his evil.

Fifth, if you wanted to kill Not-Yugi off, why not have the Orichalcos take his soul instead of getting his spine snapped by one attack! According to this, Pokemon should be dying in battles everyday! Chimchar got more abuse from Paul's Ursaring!

Sixth, if you want us to feel bad for this character, you have to build up his back story. Why does he want to die? Did he feel remorse or guilt for what he did? Apparently not because he still appeared to be the spawn of Satan 3 minutes ago? Was he insane? Crazy? Possessed? Corrupted? On drugs? I don't know! What the heck is wrong with him?!

And seventh, what do you mean "keep her safe"? Not-Yugi didn't care about her safety! He gave her a huge scar, threatened to make her his punching bag again, and tried to force her to mate with some random guy who's a jerk! This was the most poorly written character I have ever seen in my entire life!

* * *

_With Buneary_

_Buneary sat there clutching her side that was struck by the blade that the warrior wielded and to her horror she felt something wet..._

_...Blood._

_"What the?" She said weakly before Riolu started laughing._

_"Forgot to mention that the Orichalcos has an ancient magic that turns the monsters real!" Riolu said, mocking her from her earlier comment._

_"What?..." She replied, weakly._

_"Buneary!" Pikachu came running in and to his horror he saw that she was bleeding from her side and there was blood on the Dark Blade's sword._

_"Damage is real Pikachu..." Pikachu's eyes widened as he went to get closer to Buneary to help her with her wound. But then hit into an invisible wall._

_"What's this?"_

_"That would be there to stop anyone from interfering with our duel. Two go in one comes out. The loser loses their soul." Pikachu then tried futilely hitting the invisible wall with Iron Tail._

_"I WON'T LET HER GET HURT!" Suddenly Buneary collapsed. "BUNEARY!"_

_"Hmp...The Seal doesn't take the weak so I'll let you both go for now." The Seal then faded allowing Pikachu to scoop Buneary up in his arms. "I'll be back. With friends. So be ready!"_

_"Pikachu..."_

_"Buneary! Are you okay!" she just put her arms around him while Pikachu ran off with her to find some help._

* * *

Wait, you're just letting her go? I would've liked to see how the duel would turn out. And don't you need a Orichalcos Stone to use the Seal? Oh well, I guess things work differently in the Pokemon world.

So in Chapter 6: Close Call, Pikachu gets Buneary some medical attention, and he goes to find his friends and tell them what happened. He runs into Chimchar, but then they're stopped before they can get back.

* * *

_"Buneary was attacked by her father and the Riolu you made me duel earlier on in the week and then Riolu used this Spell that made monsters real and he ordered an attack from Dark Blade and now she's being treated by Chansey!" Pikachu said really quickly, without even taking a breath. "Come on!" Pikachu then turned around to run off. But a maniac type of laughing stopped him._

_"Don't think you're going anywhere!" Then out of the forest came a blue Pokémon that had the same characteristics as a deer. He then shot towards the exit that Pikachu was about to take. "You'll have to beat me first!"_

_"And who are you?" Piplup asked. The creature the cackled wickedly again._

_"I am Cobalion! One of the original seven!" Chimchar then had a look of realisation._

* * *

Hey look! It's Coballion! He's in this story-

Wait.

Why is he laughing evilly?

* * *

_"Hey I know them! They tried to overthrow Arceus but had their butts handed to them by Mew and Giritina!" Chimchar stopped when Cobalion took a threatening step forward._

_"I was taken by surprise! Anyway. Let's Duel!" Suddenly! Pikachu's duel disk activated on its own._

* * *

_(Keldeo had a look of disbelief on his face)_

Cobalion's a villain?

The author made Cobalion a villain?

_(Keldeo sucked in his breath hard and clenched his teeth, his face contorted with anger)_

He had the GALL, to make one of the most brave and honorable Legendary Pokemon of all time into a VILLAIN!?

NO!

NO!

THAT'S WRONG! THAT DOESN'T WORK! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

* * *

30 minutes later

* * *

I'm sorry about that outburst, it was over the top and. . .well. . .you understand. I don't like it when the Swords of Justice are displayed as. . .

THE VILLAIN? DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING? WHO IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT!

* * *

1 hour later

* * *

_(Keldeo's hair is messed up and he looks very grouchy)_

Alright already, I'm fine, let's get this scene over with.

* * *

_"My move then!" Cobalion then smirked, which Pikachu knew was a bad sign._

_**(Cobalion lp.4000 hand:6)**_

_**(Pikachu lp.4000 hand:4)**_

_"I activate the Seal of Orichalcos!" Pikachu's eyes widened as the same pentagram kind of shape appeared below them. "Now I summon Marauding Captain in attack mode." A fearsome yet battered monster came to the field and the same pentagram came to that monster's forehead. **(lv.3****atk:1200-1700****def:400-900)**_

* * *

. . . . .

SLANDER THE SWORDS OF JUSTICE, WILL YOU? YOU WILL PAY! YOU WILL ALL PAY!

_(Keldeo suddenly sprayed water on his face. He gasped and shook it off and breathed in and out a few times)_

Okay, we're getting through this!

So (grrrrrr) _Coballion_ summons the Earth Bound Immortal Whale- okay, you know what? Why don't you go all the way! Why not give him Hook the Hidden Knight, or maybe a few Mech Lord Emperors. . .Oh! I know! Give him the Millennium Ring! Oh my gosh, why is the author vilifying Cobalion like this! Not-Yugi was bad enough, but this is just insulting! He's a Sword of _Justice! _USE! BULBA! PEDIA!_  
_

* * *

_"PIKACHU!" a female voice screeched. Pikachu then saw Buneary and everyone else he knew come out of the forest behind him and then they all stopped at the sight of the Earthbound Immortal._

_"It's too late for them to help you. I activate Earthbound Force! Now my Immortal's Attack points and my life points will raise by five hundred. And if I discard three cards off the top of my deck to the graveyard to boost his power further." He carried out said action as the Whale boosted in power. **(lv.10****atk:3400-4400****def:2900)**"Now finish him!"_

_"NO!" Practically everyone shouted as the whale hit him head on and he flew back against the barrier that they where in. They all heard a bunch of cracks. As did Pikachu._

_"Dam! That was almost all my bones! I can hardly feel my limbs!" Pikachu bit his tongue back as to not give him the satisfaction of hearing pain._

* * *

Uh, then you shouldn't be able to move. . .

* * *

_**(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)**_

_**(Pikachu lp.0 hand:4)**_

* * *

Wow. . .so . . .I guess it's up to Buneary and Chimchar to save the world. I didn't this this fanfic would pull something like this but-

* * *

_"Ah...It feels good to get a soul for the Leviathan." Cobalion said as the Seal then got smaller and surrounded Pikachu._

* * *

I'm sorry, I can't let this go. This is like Pinkie Pie in _Cupcakes, _Rainbow Dash in _Rainbow Factory, _Celestia and Luna in _Ask Princess Molestia, _and EVERYONE in _Friendship is Withcraft! _Yeah. . .I went there. This crude caricature of Cobalion is a cruddy disgrace.

* * *

_"NO!" Everyone called again. Cobalion stopped laughing at a sudden realisation._

_Yellow, green, yellow, green, yellow, green..._

_"What's with the light show?" Cobalion demanded to know. Chimchar then snapped his fingers._

_"Guys there's hope! When Morphtronic Lighton is in defence mode and its controller's life points hit zero. It spins roulette. And if it lands on a green light his life points will recover by one hundred." As he said this the roulette kept spinning until it landed..._

_...on GREEN!_

_Lighton then turned towards Pikachu and shone a sparkling light._

_**(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)**_

_**(Pikachu lp.100 hand:4)**_

_"My turn!" Pikachu shouted drawing his card._

* * *

_(Keldeo shrugged)_

That's Yu-Gi-Oh for ya! They always have cards with abilities that seem like cheating.

* * *

_**(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)**_

_**(Pikachu lp.100 hand:5)**_

_Suddenly the Pink tail mark on his arm began to shine before a card was produced. Pikachu then smirked. He had the requirements on his field. "Now I'm giving Power Tool a TUNE UP!"_

_Lighton then became one green ring that went right over Power Tool. Weakening his metal._

_"Strength of life. Break free from the prison of steel. Rise with courage and strength. Evolve! LIFE STREAM DRAGON!"_

_A golden Dragon broke out of the yellow armour and out came a monster with four wings, a blade on it's left arm, that had a lot of similarities too that of Power Tool Dragon. "Now his ability activates! If my life points are lower than two thousand. They become two thousand!"_

_Golden stardust then rained down on him and even some of the crowd. When Pikachu stood up afterwards he saw that all his bones where healed._

_He then looked to the crowd and saw that Buneary's cut was sealed up completely._

* * *

Now that was a Dues Ex Machina!

* * *

_**(Cobalion lp.2900 hand:0)**_

_**(Pikachu lp.2000 hand:5)**_

_"Now attack him directly! Healing Shock Roar!" Life Stream threw his head back and fired a wave of yellow energy which finished Cobalion off._

_**(Cobalion lp.0 hand:0)LOSE**_

_**(Pikachu lp.2000 hand:5)WIN**_

* * *

And so, in Chapter 7, Visit From Mew, we say goodbye to the most out of character character since. . .all those examples I previously mentioned._  
_

* * *

_The Seal then became much smaller and surrounded Cobalion. "NO! How could I have been defea..." He did not get time to finish his rant his rant as a green light enveloped him and he fell on the floor in a heap..._

_Not breathing._

* * *

Wrong! When the Seal takes someone, the body is still alive. However, the body's only an empty shell.

So, the Legendaries decide to pay our heroes a visit. Also Pikachu and Buneary finally confess their feelings.

* * *

_"Is it just my duelling skills that your interested in?" She asked. Pikachu then shook his head furiously._

_"Heck no! If that were true we wouldn't last that long! You're just an amazing person! You're smart, fun, caring, determined and beautiful!" Pikachu held a massive blush after his little rant which was now very visible. Buneary then looked into his eyes for any deception in his words. When she found none, she smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist._

_"Good cause if you were toying with my emotions I would have to Dizzy Punch you." She said back half teasingly, half threateningly which Pikachu found quite weird until Buneary kissed him._

_She got him by surprise but still managed to recover before kissing back. Both of them were extremely happy to be in this position until they heard someone clapping, slowly._

_"Ah...So I was right." They both broke apart and turned to see the Riolu from before. "It's a shame I have to cut this short." Pikachu then got in front of Buneary and spread his arms out protectively in front of her._

_"What are you doing here?" Pikachu shouted at him. He just laughed._

_"What do you think? I've come to claim your soul!" He said._

* * *

Wow, he's an idiot. Riolu lost to Pikachu already! Why does he think he stands a chance this time?

* * *

_"Now hang on!" They all heard another voice say. "You already caused them harm. So you'll have to go through me!" Suddenly a bright light flashed and Pikachu held a really big smile to see a very familiar pink kitten that he has seen on many occasions._

_"MEW!" Pikachu shouted relieved. Mew smirked._

_"The one and only!" Mew said dong a flip in the air. Then he turned towards the Rilou. "Now then. Let's duel!" Mew shouted, activating his duel disk._

_"Yes let's!" Riolu shouted back. Buneary just looked shocked._

_"You know Mew!" Then she thought again. "Actually. Never mind you've seen a lot of Legendaries."_

* * *

So Mew has Yusei's deck, and Riolu now has Gorzoburro Kaiba's deck, complete with Exodia Necross. However, I always thought that card was stupid. Why summon a strong monster by discarding Exodia pieces when you can win automatically just by holding all five pieces in your hand?

Anyway, Riolu activates the Seal and summons Exodia Necross, which is obviously bad news for Mew. You know, you could have just attacked Riolu? Like a Pokemon? Isn't Mew supposed to know every move?

* * *

_Then the full black Exodia appeared and smirked at his opponents as the Orichalcos emblem appeared on it's forehead. **(lv.4****atk:1800-2300****def:0-500)**_

_"What is that thing?" Buneary exclaimed in fear. Pikachu hugged her to try and comfort her. But he was just as scared of the monstrosity as she was._

_"This is the element of the legendary Mew's defeat!" He declared and started cackling like a maniac._

_"Mew. I hope you have a plan." Junk Warrior said to his controller._

_"I wish I did Junk Warrior! But this thing looks tough! I better step my game up, or I may never duel again!"_

* * *

Oh yeah, and Mew can talk to Duel Spirits, I guess.

So, in Chapter 8:Unwanted Explanations, Mew performs a strategy so awesome, so clever, you have to see it for yourself.

* * *

_**(Mew lp.4000 hand:0)WIN**_

_**(Riolu lp.0 hand:4)LOSE**_

_The Seal then got smaller around Riolu as he glowed green before falling limp on the floor. Mew turned towards the spectators and smiled. "And that takes care of that!" He said cheerfully._

_"Whoa!" Pikachu said. "That was awesome! You'll have to duel me soon!" He then went on to say. Mew chuckled._

_"You bet dude!" Mew sad happily. He then got serious. "But for now I need everyone to be here or another, larger area. I need to talk to you all." Buneary looked at him confused._

_"What about sir?" Buneary asked. Mew laughed awkwardly._

_"Don't call me sir please. It makes me feel old. And I'll tell you when everyone's present."_

_"Alright the field is a much larger area than here. Let's go!" Pikachu said. Leading the other two to the field where all the Pokémon usually are._

* * *

__Well, the author got Mew's gender right, so there's that.

* * *

_With everyone in the field_

_"Oh my Arceus! It's Mew!" some of the Pokémon in the group exclaimed, shocked to see the Legendary ancestor Pokémon just floating there casually._

_"Alright I think everyone is here." Pikachu said to Mew who, in turn, nodded back to him looking anxious. "What's up?"_

_"I'm just waiting for the other Legendaries." Mew said calmly. This surprised Pikachu._

_"Wait! All of the Legends are coming here?" As if to answer his question a huge flash was seen. When it cleared it showed all thirty seven other legendaries. Alicia then saw Mew and pounced on him._

_"DADDY!" She squealed in a high pitched voice. Pikachu looked at him oddly._

_"Your a dad? Since when?"_

_"Since a few days ago." Celebi the flew over to hm._

_"You'd think that I would be use to the stupid and reckless stuff that you do. But I guess I'm not." Mew was going to apologize but then Celebi stopped him by kissing him. Se then broke off and smiled at him. "But that's what I love about you." Mew smiled back. They then heard giggling and looked down to see Alicia looking up at them._

_"Ew...Kissy face! Daddy's got cooties!" Alicia said before jumping up and doing a twirl of happiness in the air._

* * *

Ha-ha. It's funny because. . .cute little child?

* * *

_"Aww...She's so cute!" Piplup squealed. Alicia giggled at this._

_"Can we get to the topic please?" Arceus announced. The others immediately grew silent and looked towards the god Pokémon. Some in wonder, some in anticipation and some in just plain boredom. "Alright Latios! You tell them what's going on." Pikachu then looked shocked._

_"Whoa! I thought you died!" He then checked his words. "Sorry."_

_"It's quite alright. I'm use to people saying stuff like that now." Latios waved off. "Now then..." He then went on to tell them everything from the previous chapter._

* * *

Okay, on one hand, that was funny. On the other hand, do you mean book one of this Pokemon/Yu-Gi-Oh trilogy? And what if we didn't read book one? How are we supposed to know? I guess you gotta read the first one!

So, now that they're filled in, the chosen Duelists are ready to fight the Orichalcos in any way they can! Also, they get some new cards! And some heart to heart!

* * *

_With Uxie and Chimchar_

_"Okay now. Why do ya' need to talk to me?" Chimchar asked. Uxie sighed._

_"It's about the Kadabra you duelled the other day." Chimchar knew exactly what he was talking about. "I'm sorry." Now Chimchar looked at him oddly._

_"Why are you sorry? It wasn't your fault."_

_"Yes it was. He was a follower of mine. I didn't want a fan club. Especially one that thinks I only use my knowledge in duelling. I take risks as well as you. I guess I wanted to show them they were wrong about me by giving you that mark." Uxie explained. Chimchar then sighed._

_"Look dude. You're beating yourself up too hard. It wasn't your fault that they thought that about you. I mean, I can see where they got that assumption from. But it isn't your fault." Uxie looked at him and smiled._

_"Thanks I guess. And there is another reason I wanted to talk to you. I had to use a substantial amount of energy for this but I want you to take this." Uxie then handed Chimchar a card._

_Red Nova Dragon._

_"Other than Red Dragon Archfiend. This is my strongest card." Chimchar then did something unexpected._

_He hugged Uxie._

_Thanks for helping me beat Kadabra. If it weren't for you. Who knows what would have happened?" Uxie smiled and got a strange feeling._

_"Is this what it might be like to be a father?" He wondered to himself._

_With Pikachu and Mew_

_"Accelasynchro? What's that?" Pikachu asked. Mew scratched his head._

_"Well it's sort of a more powerful synchro summon. Oh yeah and you'll need these." Mew then handed Pikachu two cards._

_Formula Synchron, Shooting Star Dragon._

_"Now don't lose those! Those took forever to duplicate!" Mew warned. Pikachu nodded and Mew smiled at him. "You know. How about I duel you in the centre field where we just were? After all of this is over. With everyone in the Hall and in the Lab watching. It'll be fun!" Mew exclaimed, doing a flip in the air._

_"You bet! I can't wait to really put Life Stream to the test!" Pikachu exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air._

_"Well that's all the more reason to finish the Leviathan off!" Mew said._

_"Yup now you better go! Celebi and Alicia are waiting after all." Mew then snapped his fingers._

_"Oh right!"_

_"Congrats on the family anyway. It makes me think what t will be like when I get there." Pikachu said. "Is it as hard as they say?"_

_"Oh yeah. It's defiantly tough." Pikachu frowned at this but then Mew smiled at him. "But the difficulties are worth it to see my little girl smile." Mew said._

* * *

I like these two scenes a lot. There's good character interaction, good character development, and good build up for some awesome duels in the future. So, things seem to be going smoothly, and I'm expecting good things from this story. . .

. . .but I have this feeling. . .that something's gonna happen later on in this story that will really get me mad. . .

Maybe it's from that scene with Cobalion, I don't know.

. . .or maybe it's because of a certain piece of bad news I received about Season 2 of _Keldeo and the Swords of Justice!_

Speaking of which, I need to have a talk with Matthais. I'll be right back.

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	52. Dramatic Skit 7

Keldeo kicked the door open and stomped into Matthais' room.

"AHH!" Matthais shouted as he turned to Keldeo. "What are you doing?!"

"Matthais, I heard that you weren't going to go right into Season 2 of _Keldeo and the Swords of Justice,_ and you were going to write some Spyro fanfic instead!" Keldeo said angrily.

"It's _The Legend of Spyro and Friends!_" Matthais corrected, "I plan on writing a season of Keldeo, then a season of Spyro, then another season of Keldeo, then another Spyro, and so on and so on. And it's very important that I write my Spyro show, too!"

"Why?" Keldeo asked.

"Because in nearly every Spyro the Dragon fanfic, it always has either Malefor return, or some new stronger evil come out and completely destroy everything Spyro and Cynder worked so hard to create and protect _(I'm looking at you DragonMaster000)! _Those two went through an entire trilogy of games that were complete living Hell for them. They Earned Their Happy Ending, and they deserve it! Which is why I'm not satisfied with when fanfics fast forward to when they're adults with hatchlings. They're only teenagers at the end of _Dawn of the Dragon. _They deserve a childhood, and friends other than Hunter. And sometimes a villain ruins they're lives when they're adults too!"

"I don't understand what you're getting at," Keldeo explained with a confused expression.

"I want to create a Slice-of-live story-line for Spyro and Cynder. This is possible for fantasy settings. It works in Friendship is Magic, why not Legend of Spyro? _Lyreice _did a good job in this. I really liked 'Girl's Night', especially because it didn't have Ember tormenting Cynder for once, but really because it was Slice-of-life. I want to make a show where Spyro and Cynder and Sparx have fun adventures in Warfang and other places while making friends and rivals among Bandit, Flame, Ember, Zap, and other characters from Spyro the Dragon and Skylanders. Sure, I planned on including light hearted villains like The Sorcerer, but only something to keep our heroes from getting bored. I want Spyro and Cynder to have fun and explore their world, while making friends, while having adventures, while kicking butt, while exploring their feelings of love for each other. So, now do you see why I want to do this?"

Keldeo thought all of this through, then he nodded, "Yeah, I guess so. Sorry about the outburst."

"No problem, Keldeo. And don't worry, you and Spyro will get equal shares of the spotlight!"

"Thanks Matthais! See you later!"

"Oh, and Keldeo!"

"Yes?'

"Do whatever you can to get everyone to convince Rhetorical irony to finish 'Final Farewell.' That story is so frustratingly sad!"

Keldeo smiled, "Yeah, I've read that depressing story. I'll do whatever I can. Later, Matthais!"


	53. Pokemon Duels of Destiny Book 2-Chap9-15

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Pokemon Duels of Destiny Ordeal with Orichalcos by MewLover54**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

So Chapter 9: Surprise Opponent, begins with Piakchu defeating an evil. . .Axew?

* * *

_**Surprise Opponent**_

_Two months after the Legendaries visited_

_"Go Staplen! Attack!" The red stapler Morphtronic obeyed and struck the opposing Axew without hesitation._

_**(Pikachu lp.3200 hand:1)WIN**_

_**(Axew lp.0 hand:3)LOSE**_

_The seal then got smaller around the Axew, taking his soul for the Leviathan. Pikachu then fell down and started panting heavily. "Man! These guys can't give us a break! That'sthe ninetieth one I duelled!" True to his word, the Oder of the Orichalcos had been attacking them and right now they had lost three duellists. Corphish, Kingler and May's Wartortle had lost and they had been keeping them in the Lab._

* * *

I wonder if that was Iris' Axew?. . .well, anyway, in case you're wondering, he wasn't the surprise opponent. But you know, I would've liked to have seen that duel play out.

* * *

_"Pikachu!" He turned to see Glaceon. "Are you okay?" She asked in concern. He stood up and waved it off._

_"Weren't any tougher than Cobalion." I then checked the position of the Sun for the time. "I gotta go Glaceon. Buneary's waiting. She's probably worried sick." He then zoomed off to the West leaving an upset Ice Fox Pokémon behind._

_"Why did Pikachu choose her over me? I've known him much longer than her!" She then got an idea. "Maybe I should see how tough she is myself." She nodded to herself and took off to look through her deck._

* * *

Well, anyway, if you're wondering why Buneary never asked about her father, well you can stop worrying now.

* * *

_She then took his hand and took him to the field they we're at when they confessed. "Now I need to know what happened with my dad." She told him. He then froze._

_"Um..." He didn't quite want to mention that he had killed her father. I mean sure he was abusive towards her, but he was still her dad. But he couldn't lie, it wasn't his nature. "I'm sorry..." He started._

_"What for?" She asked, tilting her head to the side._

_"We were battling in the forest. He had used Aura Sphere. And I deflected it with Iron Tail and...I guess I put too much power into it...He was thrown back into a tree...and his back broke." Pikachu's ears drooped a little. "I'm SO sorry. I didn't mean to kill him."_

* * *

Oh boy, now this is more than awkward. But I like how the scene plays out.

* * *

_Buneary just looked stunned at the explanation of her father's fate. She was running through a mixture of emotions; Sadness for his loss, Happiness for the fact that he won't be able to hurt her anymore, Guilt for not being there when he died. But strangely she didn't feel any negative feelings towards Pikachu. Pikachu obviously took the silence as a bad sign. "Buneary? If you want me to leave I can." He said. Buneary shook her head._

_"I don't blame you Pikachu. You didn't have a choice. You had to fight him. And to me it sounded like you did it by accident." Pikachu nodded at that part. "So it's fine. I'm a little bit sad that he's gone because he wasn't always terrible to me. He did give me this deck after all."_

_"Still Buneary I'm really sorry!" She just waved it off and hugged him._

_"Like I said. It isn't your fault._

* * *

Well done. So, we move on, and it turns out Glaceon wants to duel Buneary.

* * *

_At Oak's Lab_

_"Glaceon? Why are you here?" Chimchar asked. Glaceon smirked._

_"I want to duel the rabbit." She stated confidently. "And I can't lose!" Buneary looked a bit confused, and then got a bit annoyed._

_"Glaceon! You do realise we are in the middle of a crisis situation! We don't have time for this!" Pikachu shouted at her._

_"Fine I'll duel. The quicker this gets done the quicker we can look at those duellists." Glaceon smirked and activated he duel-disk along with Buneary._

_"DUEL!" Both players drew their cards and Glaceon claimed the first turn._

_**(Glaceon lp.4000 hand:6)**_

_**(Buneary lp.4000 hand:5)**_

_"I'll start with the Seal of Orichalcos!" Everyone gasped as a familiar pentagram appeared below them._

_"Are you nuts? You know what this thing does! How could you use it?" Pikachu bellowed towards her. She turned to the spectators as more arrived._

_"How could you choose her over me? I've known you a lot longer!_

* * *

Um, how did she get that card? In the Anime, Rex and Weevil had to go straight to Dartz himself to get the cards. Glaceon just got jealous, and she suddenly has a card of unbelievable power? And win or loose, Glaceon's doomed. Pikachu's gonna hate her more than ever and challenge her to a duel on the spot. However, she doesn't have to worry about it because Buneary takes her down really quickly.

* * *

_The seal then got smaller around Glaceon as she was taken by the Orichalcos. No-one cried out to her and she knew why. She saw that she was being selfish. When and if she gets back, she was going to have to beg for forgiveness. Not that she deserved it._

_Her body then went limp._

_"Why would she do that?" Blazekin asked. Surprisingly Sceptile answered._

_"She was jealous. She wanted Pikachu to love her and in an attempt to do that, she tried to remove Buneary from the competition. She didn't understand love fully and paid the price for it." Pikachu sighed._

_"I feel like this is my fault." Sceptile shook his head._

_"No it's not. And don't beat yourself up over it." Buneary looked a bit thoughtful._

_"It's amazing how jealousy can turn a good person so easily."_

* * *

I kinda wish her back-story was fleshed out a bit. We could've had a scene where the Orichalcos leader goes to here and tempts her or something cool like that. Here it's just, suddenly Glaceon's evil. A little effort goes a long way.

So in Chapter 10: Second Legend Tornados. . .

* * *

_Two Days Later_

_"It has been reported that a giant snakelike creature has swallowedCinnabar Island whole leaving no possible chance of anyone who was on this island to have survived." A news reporter said towards the camera. The TV was then switched off by a weak thunderbolt from the Electric mouse Pokémon._

_"They can't be dead!That isn't possible! They survive everything." But as he replayed what the News reporter said in his mind over and over again he knew that his trainer and his other human friends were gone. And he knew the cause. "The Great Leviathan is going to pay. Dearly!" He then went outside to tell his friends the awful news._

* * *

WHOA-WHOA-WHOA! Wait a minute! The Great Leviathan is awake already? That can't be right! We haven't even met the leader yet! Alright, things are different in this Fanfic, and I guess this gives our heroes a reason to fight. And I suppose this gives us the chance for a heartwarming reunion scene when they defeat the monster and rescue Ash and the gang's souls.

* * *

_"Well. Now we have more reasons to take them down now!" Piplup shouted, tears for her dead trainer flowing like rivers. Pikachu nodded._

_"Right. So Chimchar. You said you might have an idea where the leader is." Chimchar nodded, emotionless holding Piplup as she cried._

_"Yeah. Uxie told me that the leader was in the Viridian City Gym."_

* * *

How did she find that out? We need more information! The author is skipping scenes all over the place! Develop the plot some more!

* * *

_Pikachu nodded._

_"That's good so he isn't far from here."_

_"Does anyone know where Buneary is?" Piplup chocked out through her tears. Everyone looked around in hopes of finding the Rabbit Pokémon._

_With Buneary_

_Buneary was outside the Viridian City Gym. "You're going to pay for what you have done. HI JUMP KICK!" with that said she kicked the doors down. She found it weird that she didn't see any humans on the way here._

_"Ha! You hope to find the leader and instead you find me!" A green and purple creature who looked to be riding a cloud bellowed. "I am Tornados. The creator of whirlwinds and tornadoes, cyclones and typhoons!"_

_"And I'm Buneary, the rabbit Pokémon, Here to kick your windy ass!" Buneary shouted back mockingly, activating her duel-disk._

_"Very well let's begin." Both duellists drew five cards. A mark then glowed on Buneary's arm. "What the?"_

_"Like it? It's the mark of Darkrai. I'm pretty happy about that. I may not look the type, but Darkrai is my favourite Legend." She then drew her sixth card._

* * *

Great, so now Tornados is evil. But where's the rest of the trio?

And hey, you wanna know how Buneary wins? Do ya? Do ya? Well, here ya go!

* * *

_"Now I activate Fiend Sanctuary!" a small, ball bearing fiend appeared. "Now I'll tribute both monsters to summon EARTHBOUND IMMORTAL CCARAYHUA!" A giant Green lizard appeared when the small heart thing disappeared. __**(lv.10atk:2800-3300def:1800-2300)**__"Now attack her directly!" The monster then shot it's enormous tongue at Buneary._

_"Got you! Go Magic Cylinder! Now I can negate the attack and hit you for damage equal to your monster's strength." Two tubes appeared. One took the attack inside the tube. The other shot it towards Tornados._

* * *

Really? A simple trap card? Kinda anti-climatic.

* * *

_**(Buneary lp.4000 hand:6)LOSE**_

_**(Tornados lp.0000 hand:4)WIN**_

* * *

Yeah, there's a typo there.

* * *

_The Seal the got smaller around Tornados and he was illuminated by a green light. Buneary then went towards him menacingly with Pikachu as well. Both were angry about their trainers._

_"Who is your leader and where is he?" Pikachu demanded to know. Tornados then started to laugh._

_"I can tell you that he lies within the Seafoam Islands. But for his identity. That will have to wait." He was then taken by the Orichalcos._

_"So much for getting answers." Buneary sighed before Pikachu hugged her._

_"I always thought I was the reckless one. We have more in common then I thought." She then giggled and hugged him back._

_"Sorry."_

_"What's there to be sorry about? We got a new location and hopefully the end to all of this." Buneary looked down. "What's wrong?"_

_"After all this is over. We're going to be wild Pokémon again aren't we?" Pikachu froze. He has never really experienced being a wild Pokémon since he was four. He was eighteen now._

_"I guess. I don't really know much about the wild though."_

_"I do though. I've been wild until I was sixteen. So I can help you." Pikachu smiled at her._

* * *

What are you talking about? Once you defeat the Leviathan, Ash and everyone gets their souls back.

* * *

_"Thanks. Now let's get back to the others and have you been practicing. I thought that you like to avoid this game." Buneary then rubbed the back of her head sheepishly._

_"Well, ever since our duel, I kind of started to have fun with the game again so I started duelling a lot more. So I guess I got a bit better."_

* * *

So in Chapter 11: Double Battle, Kyurem, or is it Kyurem: Double Battle? Anyway, from the title you can tell that now Kyurem is evil! And he will be having a double battle against Chimchar and Female!Piplup.

* * *

_Ah! This is more like it. Now duel! Oh and by the way I'll be starting with eight thousand life points while you each start with four thousand."_

_**(Kyurem lp.8000 hand:5)**_

_**(Chimchar lp.4000 hand:5)**_

_**(Piplup lp.4000 hand:6)**_

* * *

You know, I can't help but imagine how cool Kyurem would look dueling. He's certainly got the voice for it. Oh, and he uses and Ancient Gear Deck.

You know, the author could've created some drama if one of our heroes lost and the other had to go on and defeat Kyurem alone. But no, other than the Seal destroying Piplup's A Legendary Ocean card, Piplup and Chimchar defeat Kyurem EASILY!

* * *

_**(Kyurem lp.0 hand:0)LOSE**_

_**(Chimchar lp.3600 hand:2)WIN**_

_**(Piplup lp.4000 hand:2)WIN**_

_The Seal then started getting smaller around Kyurem. "I guess you earned your challenge with our leader. He's waiting."_

_"Wait! Who is the leader?" Pikachu called into questioning. Kyurem smirked and called out a word that no-one ever expected._

_"Meowth!" Then he was taken._

* * *

_(Keldeo just blinks)_

. . . what?

* * *

_At Seafoam Islands_

_"I didn't know that they were this good…" Meowth said calmly in a kind of voice that certainly isn't familiar to anyone._

_"GRRRRRR…" A loud voice echoed. Meowth, in turn laughed._

_"Yes. One more soul and you will be at your most powerful stage ever. You will no longer be known as the Great Leviathan. But the Divine Serpent!"_

* * *

WHAT?!

* * *

_"Ssssss…." The creature then appeared in front of the Cat Scratch Pokémon. It was large and dark Purple as well as having many serrated teeth, covered in blood and a few wing-like things on his back._

_"My lord you shall have all of those twerps if you soul desire. I am your eternal servent." He bowed before running through his deck._

_"__**Excellent. Those three dragons will not best me this time. I have the life force of over seven hundred thousand. From even before these pathetic creatures roamed the Earth. I am Unstoppable!"**_

* * *

MEOWTH IS THE BIG BAD?! MEOWTH?!

This has to be a trick or. . . .I mean come on! Meowth? That's like having Gilda become the Queen of Griffons and declare war on Equestria to get revenge on Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I mean. . .why Meowth? Dartz used the Leviathan because he was brainwashed into thinking mankind was evil and needed to be destroyed. Meowth is just. . .doing it cause he's evil? I don't know! How did he even get in this position? Was he just walking along and then the Leviathan just appeared to him? And where are Jessie and James? Did he steal their souls? Arrrrgh! This story has too many plot holes!

* * *

_Bayleef: MewLover54 says to ask for reviews._

_Cyndaquil: This is SO boring._

* * *

Oh my gosh, even the Author acknowledges the flaws. Okay, boring isn't the right word. Like I said, the problem is plot holes and. . .I guess Meowth is the Author's favorite villain. And the duels are fun and the story is entertaining, but the plot is a little contrived and kinda weak. Not-Yugi, dropped. Buneary's wounds, dropped. Glaceon, dropped. Double duel, dropped. DEVELOP THE SCENES! ADD IN SOME DRAMA! And Ash and the humans being captured off screen doesn't count.

So, we get to the climax. Chapter 12: Confronting the Divine Serpent.

* * *

_"Well how are we actually getting to the Seafoam Islands?" This question was posted by Totodile. Pikachu scratched the back of his head sheepishly._

_"Guess we never thought that far ahead." The others sighed at his response. He was more like Ash than they thought._

* * *

Ha-ha-ha! It's funny because Ash is stupid! Let's all laugh! Ha-ha-ha!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete._

* * *

_Zapdos, Moltres, Articuno, Ho-oh and Lugia all descended and landed in front of the large group of Pokémon. Then a few familiar figures hopped off of their backs._

_"Someone needed a lift?" Mew asked while holding a sleeping Alicia in his arms._

_"I guess you could say that. Thanks guys." Chimchar said._

_"No problem. We're going to help you confront this guy as well. No doubt he's dangerous." Uxie replied. Rotom nodded._

_"Yeah so let's kick his furry behind back to the stone age!" Mew then had a dumb looking smile on his face._

_"Humans use to be so much fun back then." He then shook his head. "Anyway let's get to this evil psychopath!" They all then got on the bird Legendaries backs._

* * *

So they fly over to the Sea Foam island so they can have a final epic duel with Meowth-

* * *

_Ten minutes later at the Seafoam Islands_

_"YOU ARE TOO LATE FOOLS!" Once everyone heard that they where confused beyond anything._

_"What do you mean?" Pikachu's answer came when a large purple, serpentine creature with wings crashed through the entrance and appeared in front of them. "WHAT IS THAT?"_

_"Behold the Divine Serpent!" In response the Serpent hissed at them._

_"Wait! I looked at that things energy just an hour ago! You needed one more soul!"_

_"And it got one." Mew answered. Uxie looked confused._

_"From where?"_

_"Meowth! You gave it your own soul didn't you!" Mew yelled. The creature lowered it's forehead to show them a small, glass statuette of Meowth himself._

_"I thought it would make things a whole lot simpler to destroy you!" The Serpent then roared and coiled up into a battle stance._

* * *

_(Keldeo threw up his hooves in resignation)_

Or you could ignore the fact that the last chapter ended with Meowth looking through HIS DECK and just skip over a potentially awesomely intense duel to just a quick battle royale! Really, is the author even trying? And if you're going to stray so far from the Anime, then why bother going with forehead statue! I always thought that was stupid when I saw it in the show. And the battle royale at the end is disappointing. Everyone summons their monsters, Meowth destroys them, and then Pikachu saves the day with ONE monster!

* * *

_"Last but not least. The rat that sent me blasting off time and time again. This time you are the one that's helpless!"_

_"PIKACHU!" Pikachu jumped at the unfamiliar voice and turned to see Life Stream facing him. "Draw those three cards if you want to win!" To say he was confused would be an understatement. But he drew and saw a card he didn't remember having._

_"I activate Polymerisation! This spell fuses my Morphtronic's Celfon and Magnen Bar So I can summon Morphtronic Teletron!" the TV that appeared out of the vortex then switch on. "And he's a tuner monster!"_

_"WHAT? NO! I DIDN'T KNOW OF ANY SUMMONINGS LIKE THIS!" Mew looked at Uxie._

_"Did Latios tell you anything about this?"_

_"No I think it's new." Teletron then became two purple vortex's that Life Stream jumped through._

_"Power for courage and strength becomes a force greater than all! The force of life!Fusion Synchro Summon... ROAR... LIFE FORCE DRAGON!" A large golden, sparkling dragon with four arms and six wings appeared. It had two blades occupying the top to arms and the lower arms had massive claws to match that of a Scyther's. It's head had two piercing red eyes and a sharp snout, almost as f for stabbing. It didn't have any legs but the tail could be used to coil himself up like an Arbok. It's chest had a golden plated armour. It truly was a sight to behold._

_"ATTACK WITH DASHING LIFE ABSORBTION RELEASE!" Life Force Dragon obliged and zoomed towards the Serpent and purposely went down it's throat. Once in it saw the inside of the beast was made up of souls so it charged energy into it's armour and soon all of the souls were getting absorbed into Life Force Dragon._

_After said dragon was finished it shot a golden ray of energy to blow a hole through the beast and flew right through it._

_The serpent, in turn, without the souls providing it's energy dissolved into nothingness. Meowth's soul was then absorbed into a black votex._

_Life Force, with it's job done, then released the souls and dissolved into golden stardust._

* * *

Okay, I can accept that the monster could win by using the souls as power. But still, this final battle just went by too quickly. This story NEEDED a duel with Meowth. Imagine if in Yu-Gi-Oh they skipped that very epic and emotional duel with Dartz. Imagine Pikachu standing alone against Meowth as all his friends had fallen in the duel, leaving Pikachu to look into his heart and find the courage to go on. But, oh well!

So, thanks to Pikachu; Ash, Dawn, Brock, and the others are saved!

* * *

_A few months past since the defeat of the Divine Serpent and a lot of things had changed._

_Arceus had an emergency meeting with the legends that ended very surprisingly._

_"War?" Darkrai asked. Aceus nodded._

_"Yes. All of the good humans were eaten by the Leviathan so the rest are evil. Therefore it would be in all of the Pokémon's interest if they weren't around." Mew looked a bit confused as did Alicia._

* * *

THEY'RE REALLY DEAD?! WHAT IN THE NAME OF BISCUITS?

And all the rest are evil? Are you kidding me?! What about N and those two girls he hangs out with? What about Virgil? What about Luke? What about the Officer Jennys and Nurse Joys? What about Cameron? What about all the Gym Leaders? The Elite Fours? What about-? Oh, you get the idea! This ending is awful! How can you possibly believe that all of the good people in the world were on that island? And what about all the children? Are _they_ all evil? You see how wrong this ending is?

* * *

_"Back to the subject at hand. Darkrai will be leading the army….." She started before she was interrupted again._

_"He will?" Darkrai asked. Arceus sighed again._

_"I'm sorry but I don't trust a mortal Pokémon to do it. And, being the nightmare Pokémon, I figure you would be the least affected." Darkrai looked like he was going to argue back but then thought it over._

_"I don't want anyone else getting hurt in this." He sighed and agreed, only to stop the others getting hurt. Arceus smiled._

* * *

You sick twisted-! ARRGH! THIS ENDING IS THE WORST! So Darkrai gonna go around murdering women and children? What about the Trubish Squad? Is Darkrai just gonna lead his army of Dark-types and rip them to shreds? This is awful!

Okay, if you read MewLover54's story "Depression," an author's note says that she doesn't like to write about humans. So that's why she decides to have them all slaughtered! And she puts in this disclaimer from Arceus "Oh, the rest of the humans are evil," NO! NO! NO! If you want to write just about Pokemon, fine! If you wanna kill off Ash and the main Trainers so Pikachu and friends can be free, okay, I can deal with that. But killing all the humans? That makes no logical sense whatsoever! This can't work! It just-

_(Keldeo's eyes widen in horrified realization)_

Oh my gosh. . .in Yu-Gi-Oh, Dartz thought humanity was evil, and wanted to use the Leviathan to wipe out mankind. And in this fanfic, the Leviathan is destroyed. . .but humanity is still destroyed. . .the Orichalcos actually won in this story! Dartz may not exist here. . .the Orichalcos may act differently. . .but still. . .this is kinda scary. . .

Man, when I felt that this story was gonna get me angry, I thought it was Meowth being the Big Bad, but this is a hundred times worse! The ending doesn't ruin the story. . .but it's just so glaringly bad. And I'm going to stop talking about it, because if you can't see why it's bad yourself, then you must hate the Pokemon Anime.

Also, the characters don't show any _real_ sadness over the loss of their Trainers. Not enough in my opinion, anyway. That's why I say you should read her other story "Depression." It shows Pikachu's grief over Ash's death PERFECTLY! I guess it occurs during those few months after the final battle.

So, that was "**Pokemon Duels of Destiny Ordeal with Orichalcos." **And it's such a shame that the ending got so bad! This story was very clever by having the Pokemon duel with monsters from Yu-Gi-Oh. There could have been more done with the duels and characters, and a lot of drama was lost out on. This story had a ton of potential that was wasted. It was fun and entertaining, but it could have been so much more. The duels were well written, as were the characters, and if you look past the incorrectly gendered Piplup, the romances were sweet. Pikachu and Buneary are a cute couple. The villains were a little flat though. A little back-story goes a long way.

And really, that ending left a bad taste in my mouth. Like I said, if you wanna free Pikachu and the Pokemon from their Trainers by killing them off, that's okay. I disagree, seeing as they really love their Trainers and are deeply loved by them, but it's your story. But killing off the rest of mankind just cause Arceus _says_ they're evil? That's where I draw the line. I'm sorry, but I can't accept this. There is nothing worth reading after chapter 12. . .

. . .

Wait. . .

Mew vs Pikachu parts 1, 2, and 3?! Oh, no way! There is no way an epic three part duel between Mew and Pikachu!

* * *

_"Aright Mew you ready!" Pikachu called. Mew nodded._

_"Alright so without further a due…" Mew started as Uxie and Azelf made their way towards the group of spectators. The both disks activated._

_"LET'S DUEL!" Both player's life points rose to four thousand and Mew drew the sixth card._

_**(Mew lp.4000 hand:6)**_

_**(Pikachu lp.4000 hand:5)**_

* * *

OH MY GOSH!

_(Keldeo's eye lit up in glee)_

Wow! Everyone. . .regardless of the grimdark ending where Pokemon commit genocide, please. . .check out this duel! I'm not telling you how it goes. . .read it for yourself. . .it's awesome!

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and Mew vs Pikachu, GO!

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Portal 2_

_Yu-Gi-Oh: Waking the Dragons_

_Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's_

_Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series: Marik's Evil Council of Doom by LittleKuriboh/CardGamesFTW_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	54. A Scar

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- A Scar by Toadettegril2012**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

_(Keldeo looked into the distance in an attempt to appear nostalgic)_

Hey. . .remember my very first review?

* * *

_It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!_

_As you know, it's February, and Valentines Day has come and gone. In honor of that holiday, I am going to review a romance FanFiction! And what romance is better than Negaishipping, or Ash and Iris shipping! Why? Because they're two of my good friends and just look so good together! they're both fun, brave, adventurous, and determined! They'd make a perfect couple!_

_So, when I found a FanFiction about Ash and Iris' first Valentines Day together, I went right for it! So, without further ado, here's "Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake" by Toadettegirl2012!_

* * *

Yeah. . .Toadettegril2012. . .she ruled my whole Negaishipping World. Whenever I wanted to see some romance between Iris and Ash, she was the first author I went to. She wrote "Sick With No Cure", "New Year Bash", "Don't you Remember?", and "The Easter Egg Hunt". They were all so awesome. Plus, Toadettergirl was a visionary. She had the humans understand their Pokémon. It made no sense in cannon and wasn't explained, but the destruction of the language barrier made so many touching, funny, and heartfelt scenes possible. It also helped the plot to flow so amazingly.

Heh. . .I hear she edited "Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake." She never thanked me and the other Swords of Justice for fighting off that horde of Grammar Nazis. I hear they're hiding in the center of the Earth now, or something.

Anyway, I liked Toadettergirl a lot. . .

_(Keldeo sighed and looked very somber)_

But then. . .it all fell apart. . .

First, there was the sequel to the masterpiece "Sick With No Cure." It was called "Give Me Your Hand." Iris and Ash's hands a glued together and they have to wait for a Sticky Heal to arrive. And interesting concept. But then. . .Ash and Dragonite. . .they just bicker and argue on and on and on and they just won't stop. . .

_(Keldeo rubbed his temples with his hooves as if he had a headache.)_

Second, there was "A Different Kind of Princess." She brings back Princess Festival Day, a holiday from Season One, and updates it for Black and White. Boys have to be the girls slaves for the enite day. However, Iris doesn't make Ash do boring shopping, and they actually have fun together. There's even a scene where they play video games!

_(Keldeo smiled)_

The story looked great! It looked like it was gonna be funny, heartfelt, and entertaining.

_(Then Keldeo frowned)_

And then. . .Misty. . .oh my gosh. Misty is so _heartlessly cruel_ in that fanfic. She insults Iris, abuses her, spits in her face, treats her like dirt- oh my gosh, it was terrible! Misty is even mean to Ash too! They're supposed to be good friends! Even Pikachu wants to zap Misty! Yeah, Pikachu, who is shown to love Misty in the Anime, wants to inflict pain on her in this Fanfic! Misty is _that _bad! And when a special Beauty Contest Thing happens and Misty and Iris enter, Misty plans to win just to spite Iris. _And then_ _Misty cheats! _But Misty is one of the good guys!

And she's supposed to be a good person! Misty would never cheat. Misty would never be cruel to someone who never did anything to deserve it. Misty would never treat a friend of Ash's that heartlessly just because she's a tomboy. Oh, and Toadettegirl, if you knew _anything_ about Misty, you'd know that Misty IS THE _TOMBOYISH _MERMAID! So now Misty's a _hypocrite_ too.

Anyway, look at how Dawn and Iris got along so well in the Anime. The same thing would most likely happen between Misty and Iris. And since they're all going to Kanto in the Anime, I guess we'll all be seeing how _wrong_ Toadettegirl is when the "Iris meets Misty" episode airs!

Look, Matthais hates Georgia and Burgundy and Paul because they're cruel, heartless, bad people in the Anime. But he still respected them and wrote them in character in his story "Terror at the Pokémon World Tournament." Toadettegirl hated Misty for no real reason, so she made her into a villain and wrote her completely out of character so we'd all hate her. _Friendship is Witchcraft _ portrays characters more accurately than Toadettegirl portrayed Misty. Yeah, I went there. The. . . creature in "A Different Kind of Princess" is in no way Misty, and it never will be.

_(Keldeo scratched his head.)_

No where was I? Oh yes! The third one! Ahem!

And third. . .

_(Keldeo sighed)_

_. . ._"A Scar". . .

* * *

_**A Scar**_

_Author: Toadettegirl2012 _

___Ash has a secret, one that he's been trying to hide for a while. But what happens when the secret gets the better of him, and someone sees it? What will a purple haired girl do to comfort him? Negaishipping fluffiness! 6th fanfic in Holiday Fun Collection! Rated T just to be safe(Sorry this summary sucked :/)_

* * *

Why does this story exist? Seriously, why did she write this? I mean. . .this story hurt me. . .Reading it was painful. Why? Well, let's take a look.

First, this was written for Father's Day. Remember that, it's important. So, the whole gang is hanging out in a pool.

* * *

_"CANNONBALL!" Iris shouted tucking her knees to her chest as she plunged into the cool clear water of the Pokémon Center's outdoor pool._

* * *

Was is it with pools that cause writers to always have one of the characters perform a cannonball just for the hay of it? Okay, so for some reason, Ash doesn't seem to want to join in on the summer fun.

* * *

_He had remembered that he'd promised Iris he'd go swimming with her, and he was dressed in his swimming shorts and everything, but the black shirt he was wearing was making him have second thoughts. It's wasn't the shirt that was the problem it was what he trying to hide with the shirt the raven haired boy was worried about._

_Ash sighed, 'What if she sees it?' he thought to himself, 'I mean she's bound to ask questions if she does see it…what will I say if she does?'_

* * *

And this is why you don't have a spoiler title. It's obviously a scar of some kind, but if this story had been given any other title, the reader could have given an interesting, suspenseful mystery to think about. but nope! The answer is given to us right away in the title!

So, Ash tries to get out of it, but Iris manages to use psychology on him.

* * *

"_You don't know how to swim do you, Ash," Iris said giggling_

_"What? I know how to swim!" he protested with a confident smile_

_"Oh really?"_

_"Yeah, besides you've seen me swim before," Ash smiled as his worried thoughts melted from his mind, "ha, I could swim circles around you Iris!"_

_Iris leaped to her feet, "Why don't you prove it?" she saw a worried look wash over her friends face, a look she'd never seen before, "come on, what's the matter?"_

_"Oh…i-it's nothing," ash stood up as well, "besides if I don't want to swim I don't have to," he started to walk off_

_"Ash your such a little kid," Iris said trying to hide her disappointment of losing some time with her friend_

_"Am not," he called over his shoulder, "I just don't feel like swimming-"_

_"Ash watch out for-"_

_But before the purple haired girl could finish, Ash stepped onto one of the many soaked blow up water toys that Axew and the other Pokémon had left of the pool side. The raven haired boy slipped one on of the wet slippery pool toy, gravity kicked in and he went flying backward and into the pool back first!_

_Splash!_

* * *

Well, that got him in the water!

* * *

_While Iris was turned Ash quickly removed his wet black shirt and placed it on the pool side next to the pool toys. Ash could feel the sun shining it's warm rays on his bare back, but it didn't bring the pleasant feeling to him like it would to most people it made the raven haired boy frown. He instantly pressed his back against the pool wall. He winced and grunted slightly at how rough the wall felt against his bare back._

_'I can't let anyone see it,' Ash thought sinking lower in the water, 'it…it would be weird if anyone did…'_

* * *

What's the point of this? We know it's a scar, so what's with all the mystery? Can't Ash just think, "I can't let them see my scar"? There's no secret anymore, we already know.

So, Ash convinces Iris that they should just float on their backs and look at the sky. . .wow. . .riveting. But then Oshowatt does what he always does. You know, I like how Toadettegirl had Oshowatt act all curious and interfere in the plans of others just like he does in the Anime. Don't get me wrong, I like Oshowatt, but sometimes he's too curious and too nosy for his own good.

* * *

_The Sea Otter Pokémon dove into the water. Even though he preferred fresh water over chlorinated pool water Oshawott swam in it, scanning the water he spotted the two trainers. Both of their backs were visible, he craned his neck to look at Ash's back, the water type Pokémon had to do a double take on what he saw. He was confused, what was that_

* * *

It's a scar, already!

* * *

_ and how did it get there? Oshawott swam up closer to his trainer's back and lightly ran his stubby hand over the area, but he quickly wish he hadn't when Ash bolted straight up. The water type Pokémon only managed to grab Ash's shoulder before he pulled himself from the water._

_"Oshawott, what are you doing?!" Ash cried as he tried to shake the water type Pokémon off. Iris laughed as water splashed everywhere, "Oshawott get off, get off, get off!" the raven haired boy was worried he'd point out the fault on his back_

_"Don't worry, Ash, I got Oshawott," Iris said but as she reached for the Pokémon, her brown eyes noticed something. Something on Ash's back, she couldn't really make it out, since Oshawott was blocking her view and Ash wouldn't stop moving, but it looked kinda reddish. But before she could say anything about it the Sea Otter Pokémon was flung from Ash's back and landed right in front of her sending water into her face, blinding._

_As she blinked and wiped water from her face Iris asked, "Ash are you alright?"_

_"Uh-huh, yeah I'm fine," he responded._

_Now that her vision was clear Iris saw that Ash was now a few paces away from her, "Oshawott just kinda scared me-"_

_"No, I mean is your back okay?" Iris asked, "I saw something on it,"_

_At this comment Iris noticed her raven haired friend's face pale a bit, "What…what do you mean I-Iris?" he stammered after a few seconds of silence as he forced a shaky smile on his face._

_"I mean I saw this red thing on your back, that's what," Iris said her voice sounding a bit concerned, Iris could see that worried look wash into Ash's amber eyes again_

_Ash could feel his heart pounding madly in his chest, 'Did she see it? Please don't tell me she saw it!' he thought franticly, he forced a nervous laugh, "Um th-there's nothing there Iris,"_

_"Are you sure?" she asked arching an eyebrow and moving a bit closer, "because I'm sure I saw something,"_

_"It's nothing I swear," Ash responded, the purple haired girl could see the corner of Ash's mouth starting to twitch, 'What's the matter with him? Ash has never acted this weird before…'_

_The purple haired girl reached her hand out "Come on Ash I swear I saw something, now let me see your back-"_

_"NO!" Ash shouted pulling away as Iris's fingers brushed over his shoulder, the worried look in his eyes shifted into what looked like fear._

_Iris frowned, "Well if it's nothing you should let me-"_

_"Hey guys, I'm back!" both trainer's looked up to see Cilan standing at the door, "I've already started making lunch, it's almost ready you two should hop out and get that chlorine off so we can all eat lunch!"_

_"Awesome Cilan," Ash said quickly grabbing a towel placing it around his shoulders and rushing out of the pool and past the connoisseur in a very hurried manner, "phew saved by a connoisseur," he muttered to himself when they were out of earshot._

* * *

So, Iris is left wondering what the heck is going on with Ash. I'll give you all three guesses and the first two don't count!

* * *

_The purple haired girl stood at the door, until she heard a mumbled okay from the bathroom, she slipped out the room closing the door with a soft click._

_As she walked down the hallway the dragon type trainer couldn't help but think to herself, 'I saw something on Ash's back…I know I did, but what was it? All I could make out was a reddish splotch on his skin,' Iris sighed, 'Whatever it is Ash is sure protective of who see it…'_

_Hearing that the door had closed Ash poked his head out of the bathroom and sighed. Seeing that the room was empty he stepped out into the room they were renting at the Pokémon Center and let the towel he had been wearing around his shoulders fall to the floor. Looking into the mirror that was on the wall the raven haired boy groaned at what he saw._

* * *

Have any of you seen a very infamous SpongeBob Squarepants episode called "The Splinter"?

* * *

_There on his back rested a large scar. It started just below Ash's right shoulder blade and stopped a few inches from his left hip. The start of the scar was a deep red but as it went across his back it darkened into a blue, purple and then a deep almost black purple. It almost looked like a really bad bruise but it wasn't, it was just a really long oddly colored scar, a scar that the raven haired boy didn't like looking at. Ash reached his hand over his shoulder and slowly pressed his fingers one the middle of his back were the scar was a blue color, only to wince and groan a bit at the pain it brought by touching it with too much pressure. When he pulled his hand away he frowned as blood stained his fingers._

* * *

_(Keldeo lurched forward. He looked like he was about to vomit. Then he composed himself and sighed.)_

Yeah, THAT bad. What was she thinking?! There are a lot less gross things out there that Ash could've had instead. And not all scars have to pulsate and bleed! Some scars just leave a mark and that's it! You don't have to gross us out!

* * *

_"Damn it," he muttered as he bit his lip, "probably wasn't the best idea to put my back up against that pool wall," Ash picked the towel off the floor and pressed it against his back, he winced at the sudden pain but left the towel there until the small amount of blood had stopped flowing._

* * *

Oh yeah, and Toadettegirl likes to have the characters swear for some reason.

* * *

_Hey," Ash said as he sat beside Iris, who was resting her chin on her hands, she smiled._

_"Hey," she responded then turned to Cilan who was still putting food on plates, "Cilan are you almost done?" the connoisseur didn't answer or might of not heard the purple haired girl since he lost in his own conversation about the connoisseur convention he had been at, "he's been talking nonstop about that stupid connoisseur convention thing for the past 15 minutes, I stopped listen five seconds in,"_

_Ash laughed a bit, but said nothing else as his attention seemed to be absorbed by the park they were in. All around kids and their fathers were out and about having fun._

_This made the raven haired boy frowned, 'Well it makes sense, it is June 16th, Father's Day,' Ash thought as he felt his heart dropped into his stomach._

* * *

Yeah, we've all figured out the origin of the scar by know.

Anyway, we get this really depressing sequence where Ash just sits there watching a kid fishing with his dad, a girl pointing out her boyfriend to her dad. . .oh yeah, and baseball hits Ash right in his shirt covered scar- WHAT THE HECK!

* * *

_"AGGH!" Ash cried loudly making food fly from his mouth making him almost choke on it. Out of nowhere he felt something hard hit him square in the back; this instantly hurt the scar on his back sending pain rushing all over._

_"Ash are you okay?" Iris asked as she watched Ash clench his teeth and struggle to hold back another cry of pain._

_"I…I think I'm fine," Ash grunted, giving a lopsided smile to Iris even though he was positive the scar on his back was bleeding again. Despite his pain though Ash turn to see what had hit him only to find a baseball sitting in the grass, he frowned at it an reached down and picked it up._

_"Where did that come from?" Iris asked looking at the white and red ball, but as if to answer her question a man jogged up to them._

_"Hey, uh sorry about that," he said, the man had dark brown almost black hair that was long and tied into a ponytail, and he had green eyes that looked kind and nice the man gave a lopsided smile, "sorry about the baseball, you're not hurt are you?"_

_(TG2012: and no that's not Ash's dad if your wondering…)_

* * *

You know, you should've let us wonder if it was. It adds to the mystery of Ash's past and everything. You shouldn't have to tell us valuable information through authors notes. They kinda ruin our chance to try and figure the plot out for ourselves.

* * *

_Ash could only stare at the man, a blank expression on his face._

_Iris arched an eyebrow and nudged him, "Ash you are okay right," the raven haired boy blinked and nodded without taking his eyes off the man that stood before them_

_"Well that's good to hear," he glanced over his shoulder and gave a smile, "Chris be careful on you next swing, okay?"_

_Iris looked past the man to see a little boy around 7 or 8, with a baseball bat in his hand, seeing Iris he gave a sheepish smile, "Okay daddy, oh and did you find my ball?"_

_"Yeah, it's right here," he answered before chuckling, "boy that kid has one heck of a swing," than he looked at Ash who still had the baseball, Ash stared back that oddly blank expression still plastered on his face, the man arch his eyebrow slightly before looking over to Iris._

_The purple haired girl gave a nervous laugh, "Oh, um right you baseball," she once again nudged Ash, "Ash what are you doing? Give the baseball back,"_

_And as if a spell had been lifted from him, Ash jumped slightly, "Huh…o-oh right," he shakily held out the baseball to the man, "er…s-sorry…" he stammered._

_The man laughed a bit, "No problem," he turned and started back over towards his son, "okay this time Chris I'm gonna pitch you a fast one okay?"_

_The boy laughed and nodded._

_'What is the matter with him?' Iris thought as she turned in her seat to resume eating._

* * *

But still, this scene does turn out to be somewhat important later.

So, later on, at 11:11 P.M. to be exact, neither Ash nor Iris can get to sleep. Ash has his daddy issues, _ugh, did I just say that? Eh, I probably got that from Kung Fu Panda 2, _and Iris is worries about Ash.

* * *

_The sound of bed sheets scuffling made Iris turn her head slightly to the left, she squinted in the darkness only to see the shadowy figure of her raven haired friend sitting up in his bed. Iris watched as Ash just sat there for a moment leaning against the head board until Iris heard him give a sigh that's when he pulled the blankets from his body and climbed out of the bed. Iris watched as her friend paced silently around the room, outside the full moon sent soft light into the room allowing her to catch brief glances of Ash's face. The expression on his face was the same it had been all day, to Iris it looked like a mix between worry, fear and something she couldn't quite pin point._

_Suddenly her friend spoke, "I…I wish I could tell someone," Ash muttered in a hushed voice, this comment was followed by a small sound, it almost sounded like whimper, "I w-wish I could…but I can't…"_

_'Tell me Ash!' Iris wanted to say but kept quiet and watched Ash as he continued to pace around the room. With each step the purple haired girl could see Ash's expression becoming more and more distressed. But distressed about what? She just didn't know._

* * *

So Ash is so utterly tormented- okay, Toadettegirl, I understand that Iris is going to come to Ash and make him feel better, but none of us wants to see Ash suffer like this. Anyway, Ash decides to call his mom. Uh, it's the middle of the night. She's fast asleep in bed. And even if she does wake up, don't you think it's kinda mean to wake up your mom in the middle of the night?

* * *

_'She won't pick up,' sneered a voice in the back of Ash's head, 'it's already 11:15 you know she won't pick up'_

* * *

Huh! So the King of Pokelantis is in this Fanfic. That's pretty cool.

So, his mom doesn't pick up, so Ash just fall apart and cries.

* * *

_'I have to tell someone, I just have to,' Ash thought as soft sobs shook his body, 'if I don't this feeling will eat me from the inside out and it'll drive me crazy! B-But…I-I'm just too sc-scared to tell a-anyone…' Ash reached a hand up and wiped his nose, as he did so he could help but feel angry rise in him as well, 'this horrible feeling, ugh it's all because of this stupid scar!' just then the scar on his back started to itch this only made Ash more angry, 'ugh I hate this scar so much!'_

_The feeling of his shirt rubbing against his scar quickly became annoying so he quickly removed the shirt and tossed it on the floor, Ash reached over his shoulder to itch the scar but as he placed his hand on it he grunted. The flesh on his back was still sore from where he had been hit in the back earlier that day with the baseball. This caused a fresh flow of tears to spring into his eyes, not because of the pain that his scar brought it was because of the way that man looked at him. It was a look Ash's father gave him, but unlike the man in the park who only gave the kind look because he was being friendly, Ash's dad gave the kind look for an entirely different meaning. A meaning Ash really didn't want to think about._

* * *

Well, that's one plot point explained, but I don't know if we needed it. Also, isn't scratching at a scar like a lunatic a stupid thing to do? You might as well stab it with a knife! Also, ewww!

So, Iris finally sees the scar, and she finally decides to do something about it.

* * *

_"A-Ash I'm so sorry…I-I didn't mean to scare you…" Iris stammered before she let her voice trail off and watched as Ash pressed his body against the wall and cuddled his knees to his bare chest and hid his face from her as he tried to stop crying, "are you okay?" she asked as she slowly knelt down in front of her friend._

* * *

NO! Of course he's not okay! He's got a huge, bleeding, gaping hole on his back and he's crying like a baby!

* * *

_Her only response was more crying._

_The purple haired girl sat there for a moment, not really knowing what to do. She let her eyes wonder around the room, since she decided that Ash didn't want her to see him cry that's when she noticed a small dark splotch on the wall. Iris reached up and let it stain her fingers when she looked at it more closely she quickly recognized it as blood._

_"Ash is your back bleeding?" she asked, touching his shoulder._

_Ash pulled away, "No," he murmured in a muffled voice_

_Iris knew he was lying, "Ash let me see your back, it's bleeding-"_

_"NO!" Ash shouted lifting his head from his knees, but he wished he hadn't when he felt pain rush down his spine, causing him to cry out._

_"Come on Ash…don't be such a little kid," she said giving a faint smile._

_Ash looked at her, and sniffled. Iris could see how red and tried Ash's eyes looked as tears ran down his face, the boy looked miserable._

_"Let me just see Ash," Iris said, "please,"_

_Ash didn't know what made him do it; maybe it was because he was just too tired to argue or maybe it was because she said please, he really did know, but none the less he moved forward and scooted closer to his purple haired friend. She gave a smile and then patted her lap, telling him it was okay to rest his head there, Ash hesitated slightly but he gave in and placed his head on her lap. It was then when he realized how dizzy and light headed he felt from all the crying, he was grateful for Iris's lap to rest his head on._

* * *

I'm sorry, but Ash just looks so pathetic in these scenes. It really is hard to read. So Iris applies a little first aid, and she gets Ash to tell her the story of the scar. Man, this just makes me want to read something Harry Potter related. I'm sure I'd enjoy that more than this.

* * *

_"How long has that scar been there?" Iris asked after a long moment_

_Ash didn't answer._

_"How did you get that scar, Ash?"_

_Silence._

_"Aren't you going to answer me Ash?"_

_Nothing._

_Iris inwardly sighed, she didn't know what to do this scar on his back, it was obviously making him feel bad but it was also obvious that Ash didn't want to talk about it._

_"Ash I-I'm just trying to make you feel better," Iris said, "but I can't if you don't say anything,"_

_She sat there expecting more silence, but instead she heard a whimpering sound and then she felt something wet and warm dripping on her leg._

_"Ash…" Iris said sympathetic as she saw that he was crying_

_Ash sniffled and tried to keep himself from crying any harder as he said, "I-I want to tell you Iris…b-but…"_

_"But what?" Iris asked as she stopped rubbing his back and started to mess with his messy black hair._

_"C-Can you promise, that you won't tell anyone?" Ash asked in a shaky voice._

_The purple haired girl nodded, "Yeah, Ash, I promise,"_

_"Promise?" he asked, Iris couldn't help but smile Ash sounded like a little five year old when he said that._

_"I swear on Zekrom and Reshiram that I won't tell anyone" Iris reassured him with a kind smile_

_There was a pause, "Okay…I-I tell you,"_

* * *

Okay, so yeah, to summarize the huge giant paragraphs of gut wrenching cruelty and torment; his parents got divorced, he'd visit his dad, he'd beat him on his arms and legs, said he'd kill him if he told, then one Father's Day he mutilated his back, dad got arrested- WHAT THE HECK AM I READING!?

Okay, I guess Toadettegirl never saw that scene or picture where young Ash is smiling as his dad is happily showing him his Rapidash. I can deal with that. But shouldn't she know that in dialogue from the Anime plus an interview from the staff, it is revealed that Ash's father is off on a Pokémon Journey!

But, okay, this is Alternate Universe, so that's fine. But, did she have to be so cruel to Ash by writing this story?

* * *

_"I-I woke up in the hospital and mom told me that the doctors had fixed my back the best they could, but the nerves on my back were sensitive now and whatever dad did to me left a really nasty scar," Ash said his voice was shaking, "t-the one you're looking at now…"_

* * *

Oh yeah, and there was a scene with blood and vomit that I skipped over. Seriously, disgusting does not equal heart wrenching. And I cannot figure out why in the name of all that is good Ash had to be crippled like this? This story didn't need that disgusting scar! Why couldn't Ash just be sad? Maybe he could just have a few bruises, but still has emotional pain over his mistreatment, and then Iris sees him crying and talks to him. But we did not need all this pain and sadism! This story was painful!

* * *

_"You promise you won't tell?" Ash slurred as tears continued to flow down his face, "B-because next to mom y-you're the only other person I've told, Iris,"_

_"I won't tell, I already promised I won't tell and I never go back on my word," Iris pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back as sobs started to rack his body, she rocked him back and forth as she held him in his arms and gently whispered, "shhh" to sooth him and was able calm him_

_"It's okay Ash, it'll be okay" Iris whispered gently_

_"I-I just want today to be over already…I hate thinking about this," he stopped for a breath, "I hate father's day…"_

_Iris gave a faint smile, "Ash don't worry it's okay," she pushed him off her body and wiped his cheeks, "you don't have to worry about this or think about this anymore, because look today is already over,"_

_Iris pointed over to the digital clock that was on the wall, it read 12:00. It was midnight; it was officially a new day._

_Ash blinked at the clock many time before looking over to Iris and gave a faint smile. He didn't know why maybe it was because she had been so nice to listen to him tell his sad story or maybe it was because the thought of a new day brought so much relief to his body but whatever the reason was the raven haired boy lean in and pecked Iris on the lips._

_"Thanks, Iris…for listing to me," Ash said hoarsely_

_Iris to stun to respond she only nodded gave a smile this caused a large grin appeared on Ash's face at her reaction and he gave a small laugh before pulling Iris into a tight hug._

* * *

That does NOT fix everything! This story was pain! It was 100% pure pain! Oh wait, no, part of it was depression and sadness too. These few final sentences at the end to make up for the three chapters of torture we had to go through! Over 12,000 words worth of misery and we had to experience every letter of it! And we had to watch Ash experience it right along with us!

* * *

_*sniffle sniffle* WAHHHHH! That was so sad! I can't believe I made Ash's past so miserable (wipes tears from face) man Ash's dad was a jerk times 10! Geez, I hope I didn't make you guys cry or anything! Anyway I hoped you enjoyed the last chapter, and I have to say the ending was so cute and it made me cry! Okay I'm done, I hoped you liked it and stay tuned for July!_

_BYE: Toadettegirl2012_

* * *

What are you crying for? You wrote it! And no, that wasn't a jerk times 10. That was a Concentration Camp Officer times 10! My gosh, this author's note is a big sick joke. "I hope I didn't make you guys cry or anything!"? Well, no I didn't cry, but I wanted to jam my Secret Sword through the screen! Does that count as anything? And that ending wasn't cute! Ash tells Iris everything and they kiss and hug? Well, okay, it would be cute on it's own, but it's pretty much wasted after we've been grossed out and given depression while watching Ash suffer and break down into a sobbing pile of grief!

What I'm trying to say is, you can't just slap a sappy ending on something and expect it to make everything better. Ash still has a crippling wound that can't heal on his back! Not to mentions years worth of memories of pain and torment.

* * *

_PS: review please :)_

* * *

Well, thank you for giving me permission, Toadettegirl!

_Portal 2 Announcer: Sarcasm Sphere Self-Test Complete_

This fanfic hurt me. A lot. If "Give Me Your Hand" was too annoying and "A Different Kind of Princess" was too mean, then "A Scar" was way too depressing! The Pokémon were there in chapter 1, but they didn't really do much. Oshawott did his thing, but Pikachu did nothing! Shouldn't Ash's quote un-quote "best buddy" been there to comfort him? And there was no humor! No humor at all! What, Ash and Iris's playful banter? Ash falling in the water? The scene with the girl telling her dad about her crush? Well Ash was so nervous and sad and tortured that none of it was funny. I know it's a sadfic, so I guess there wasn't supposed to be any humor, but sometimes you need to lighten parts of a story up. And another problem was that I wasn't sad. I was either angry or in pain. This fanfic was torture.

I'm loosing my faith in Toadettegirl. But she has written good stories, she has! "Sick With No Cure", "New Year Bash", "Don't you Remember?", "Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake", "Fireworks On a Rainy Day", "The Easter Egg Hunt". But _then,_ starting in June, Toadettegirl starting writing stories that I just didn't like. Everything she wrote before then was just so awesome and then-

_(Suddenly, there was the sound of whispering. Keldeo turned to listen.)_

Huh? "Too Much H2O"? I don't think I've read that? She wrote it in January? Then it must be good! It's isn't? No way! Okay, I'll read it now!

* * *

_ONE READING LATER_

* * *

_(Keldeo can be heard vomiting loudly out of sight. After a few minutes, Keldeo returned looking disgusted,)_

A fanfic about Ash peeing in his pants? Oh no, it's more than that! A fanfic about Ash slowly loosing his grip on his bladder and then he just completely. . .uuuuuuugh!

_(Keldeo runs off again to throw up another time. He then returns by crawling across the ground, looking very drained, disheveled, and upset)_

Alright everyone, there is only so much I can take. But let me be clear. This author is still a good author and wonderful person. Toadettegirls2012 writes AMAZINGLY AWESOME romance stories between Iris and Ash. Most of her stories are really good and you just HAVE TO read them. And if you have an illogical hatred of Misty, then I guess "A Differen Kind of Princess" is pretty good. And if you don't mind a little bickering, then "Give Me Your Hand" is good as well.

But come on. . .

"A Scar"?

"Too Much H2O"?

Really?

_(Keldeo's whole body shook, as if he had been holding something back within him for a long time and was just beginning to looses control over it)_

Well. . .I'm Keldeo the Critic. . .and. . .

_(Keldeo moaned and wimpered in pain)_

_. . .It will never go away!_

_(Keldeo then shakily covered his face with his hooves and cried bitter tears)_

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Portal 2_

_Kung Fu Panda 2_

_Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2013)_

_SpongeBob Squarepants- Nick_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	55. Editorial 5- Zorua Reviews Part 2

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Editorial- Zorua Reviews Part 2**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

And I have been attacked, BW024 and BW025 if you will, by that little Zorua! Just recently, Zorua created _this_ response!

* * *

_I'm Zorua, and that Keldeo the Critic has been really mean to me lately. So here's my big comeback to you, Keldeo the Critic!_

_. . ._

_You're stinky._

_(Zorua then threw a Pecha Berry at the screen)_

* * *

_(Keldeo gained a dead pan expression)_

Little brat. . .

* * *

_Yeah! I got Pecha Berries! And I'm not afraid to use 'em!_

* * *

Your Pecha Berries don't scare me!

* * *

_Now, you might be thinking, "Aww! Is that his comeback? Is that all he's got?"_

* * *

_(Keldeo smirked)_

Of course! As Iris would say, you're just a little kid!

* * *

_. . .well no. . ._

* * *

_(Keldeo's mouth fell open)_

* * *

_. . .I got more. . ._

* * *

_(Keldeo watched Zorua suspiciously.)_

* * *

_(Zorua smirked and said)_

_You're a background pony!_

* * *

_(Keldeo gasped and slapped a hoof against his mouth in shock)_

* * *

___(Zorua then turned into Kyurem and did a scary laugh.)_

_(Zorua threw another Pecha Berry at the screen)_

* * *

Gah! Stupid berries!

* * *

_But I really like how you figured out my little joke I did before. . ._

* * *

_That little punk took scenes from my movie, and cut and pasted them together to make it look like the Swords of Justice were mad at me._

* * *

_Well, you were close. You see since Zoey and her trainer Luke are in the movie business, I actually got the footage through them and they helped me edit it all together._

* * *

_(Keldeo nodded and tapped his head with his hoof)_

Oh yeah, I forgot about his connections with Pokestar Studios. . .

* * *

_I am the greatest Pokemon reviewer!_

_(Zorua then turned into Kyurem and did a scary laugh.)_

* * *

You diabolical _Littlest Pet Shop_ pet! Not only did that punk insult my honor, he also dared to give me a counter challenge!

* * *

_So in that case, if you're gonna challenge me to review a Fanfic, then I'm gonna challenge you to review a movie! Go on! I - dare - you!_

* * *

Alright then! Fine! I'll review a movie! I'll show you how easy it is compared to what I do! In fact, I'm gonna review a movie that's gonna hit sooooo close to home!

_(Keldeo got a sadistic grin on his face)_

That's right! I'm gonna review _"Zoroark: Master of Illusions"! _And I'm gonna review it before you do your fanfic review! Aha! Alright then, Zorua! You better get ready! Cause if you take too long, then you'll look like a yellow bellied chicken! _Or are you!_

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and to war, Zorua! TO WAR!

_(Keldeo turned into his Resolute Form and stood tall on his hooves with his Secret Sword extended high. Keldeo looked around, and then side stepped away as he looked straight ahead. However, he tripped on a rock and fell into the shallow water with a small splash.)_

Darn it. . .

* * *

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Nostalgia__ Critic vs Angry Video Game Nerd_

_Bum Reviews_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	56. Zoroark: Master of Illusions

Virizion stepped forward and cleared her throat. Then she began narrating in an elegant voice.

_"And now it's time for __**Keldeo Reviews **__with Keldeo of the Swords of Justice._

_Tonight's Review: __**Zoroark: Master of Illusions."**_

* * *

**_Keldeo's POV (First Person)_**

_(Keldeo started speaking in an annoying little kid voice)_

Hello! I'm Keldeo! And I'm not very smart. I'm too naive to tell if something's good or bad, so I think _evvvvvvvvery _movie is the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life! Ha-ha-ha!

_(Keldeo then started laughing and shook his head)_

Okay, I'm not gonna do that voice for the entire review. What I am gonna do is review a movie that really hits Zorua close to home. That's right, "Zoroark: Master of Illusions." The 13th Pokemon movie. . .

. . .13? Oh boy, that can't be good.

Wait a minute, I just realized something. _Zoroark: Master of Illusions _is the only Diamond and Pearl movie that's a stand alone title. The other three; _The Rise of Darkrai, Giratina and the Sky Warrior, _and _Arceus and the Jewel of Life; _are a trilogy dealing with the Legendary Pokemon from the Sinnoh Creation **_Myth_**. But _Zoroark: Master of Illusions _is just by itself.

So if _Zoroark: Master of Illusions _is the 13th Pokemon movie, and it's a stand alone movie for the Diamond and Pearl season, and the other Diamond and Pearl movies form a trilogy dealing with the Legendary Pokemon of Sinnoh, then that means. . .

_(Keldeo looked away in horrified realization)_

_DUN - DUN - DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!_

. . . absolutely NOTHING! I just wasted five minutes and I didn't even get to the first scene of this movie yet!

Wait. . .this review is number 13 on my Document Manager? That's weird. . .but I'm not superstitious!

Okay, so lets just review this movie already.

Also, this review will be filled with Spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie yet and don't want your experience of seeing it fresh ruined, then don't read this until after you've seen the movie.

Well, with that taken care of, let's begin!

So it starts with Ash, Dawn, and Brock watching Pokémon Baccer World Cup to TV, an awesome sport that is_ never mentioned in the Anime ever again! _Come on! How are you gonna invent a cool game and never bring it up again? Here are the rules by the way:

* * *

_ Pokémon Baccer is a game played on a circular shaped pitch, which has two slopes (colored red and blue) placed across it. The object of the game is for either of the two teams, which are each comprised of three Pokémon, to try to knock a spinning-top shaped object into a pyramid that is floating around the stadium. For every goal that is scored, one point is awarded to the team and the highest scoring team when the time runs out wins the match. _

* * *

Aw man, that sounds entertaining!

Anyway, Team Rocket are nearby dressed as janitors, _and how do they not recognize Meowth! There is no hiding a Meowth, no matter how much clothes he wears! _The writers treat Ash and his friends like idiots whenever Team Rocket is around!

So, they all see a man named Grings Kodai-

_(Keldeo shivered)_

Ooh. . .I got chill just then. . .anyway, they see him lead a team of the Legendary Pokemon Raikou, Entei, and Suicune. Our heroes decide to go to Crown City and see them, while Team Rocket want to go and, what else, steal them.

Then we cut to a carrier plane where Zoroark and her son Zorua are being held. It turns out that Grings Kodai, and his assistants Rowena and Goone; ha-ha, the villain's henchman is literally named Goone, very funny; are the villains. Also, his Legendary Pokemon are illusions he created with some super science bracelet or something? Anyway, Kodai tests Zoroark's illusion powers, which are AWESOME by the way. Why isn't she in _Super Smash Bros' U_? Anyway, Kodai takes Zorua away as his hostage so that Zoroark will do whatever he says.

Oh yeah, if you watch the extra deleted scene, you'd discover that Zorua was actually adopted by Zoroark. They're not related by blood. Just a fun fact.

So, Zorua manages to escape Kodai's evil Pokemon, get outside the ship, and falls to his death.

_(Keldeo looks visibly shocked)_

Wow. . .that was pretty dark. . .I mean. . .wow. . .when they killed Lucario in _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew _they at least waited until the end. Well, Zorua would have probably gotten pretty annoying throughout this movie, so I suppose it's not thAT bad. We can focus on Zoroark and our heroes. And I'm sure Kodai gets his in the end so it's not all bad- _Zorua turns into a Skiploom and floats down to safety- _ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?

THAT'S! JUST! IMPOSSIBLE!

I mean, think about it!

When Ditto uses Transform, he literally transforms into another Pokemon, and gains all of that Pokemon's abilities and moves. But when Zorua uses his Illusion ability, he only gains the appearance of the Pokemon, and any move he uses is only an illusion that tricks his opponents. That means that if Zorua turned into a Skiploom, he wouldn't be able to float down in reality! So how can he float down to safety?

He can't, movie! HE JUST CAN'T!

_(Keldeo caught his breath after his tirade and shook his head sadly)_

Okay, _this is not fanfiction! _This is cannon! Written by writers who eat, sleep, and dream Pokemon! HOW CAN THEY GET THIS WRONG! The writers don't know the difference between Zoruas and Dittos, or to be more precise, the _Ability_ Illusion and the _Move_ Transform? That can't be! And I know Zorua had to live, but all he had to do was hang onto a real Skiploom and float down on it. He didn't have to defy the laws of the Pokemon world! The fact that the cannon story writers can't get their own universe right is very, very, very, _very_ depressing to me.

Oh boy, let's just get on with this.

So, Zorua meets our heroes and shows off his ability by turning into the King of Pokelantis. That ended up being Trailer Fuel by the way.

And here we start the running. . .thing . . where Zorua keeps saying "Meema" over and over again. Okay, it's not as bad as the Turtle Guy in _"Master of Disguise"_, but "Meema"? Really? How about "Mom"? In fact, I think it was supposed to be "Ma". And that's far less annoying than Meema!

So, using an illusion of Zorua to blackmail Zoroark, Kodai makes Zoroark transform into the Legendary Beasts and attack Crown City.

_The City of Townsvile. . . IS UNDER ATTACK!_

This makes everyone evacuate the city so Kodai can have the empty city all to himself. Meanwhile, the real Legendary Beasts find out and take until _two thirds in the movie to get there! _Why show them now if they're gonna take so long to enter the plot?!

So, with Zorua to tell our heroes that Kodai is the _real _villain, our heroes stay in the city, and meet Looker, _I mean Karl! Karl! _Karl is an investigator who tell our heroes about Kodai. Turns out Kodai has the power to see the future. Yeah, he's Psychic.

Meanwhile, Kodai has a vision in which he saw Ash, Dawn, Brock, Karl, and Rowena try to stop him from touching some kind of "Time Ripple" thing. Wait, I thought Rowena worked for him? Okay, I guess Rowena is either a double agent or has a change of heart later on in the movie. Wow, first we get the tease with the real Legendary Beast and now this. This movie needs pacing!

So Goone recaptures Zoroark in an electric cage and goes off to find our heroes.

Meanwhile, because Zorua is stupid, he runs off by himself! What is wrong with this kid? Splitting up is something you never wanna do! It always ends with you being chased down by Kyurem! Or in this case, Goone or Kodai.

Luckily, Karl's Uncle Joe and his friend Tammy catch Zorua and lul him to sleep via a Tangrowth. When he wakes up, the Pokemon of Crown City want to beat Zorua up because his mom wrecked the town. . .wow. . who beats little kids up for what their parents did? So, Celebi just _happens _to show up and saves him from a beating.

_(Keldeo jumped in shock and looked around wildly)_

Wait, CELEBI? Celebi's in this movie! Come on, this is _Zoroark's _movie! I mean, at least in _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew_ the title warned you that Lucario was gonna have a co-star. This movie should have been called _Zoroark and The Time Ripple of Celebi _or something. Oh wait, _Zoroark's barely in this movie_! Sure, we see Zoroark occasionally, but the focus is mostly on Zorua! This movie should have been called _Zorua: Son of the Master of Illusions! _Oh wait, excuse me, _Zorua and The Time Ripple of Celebi!_

So, where was I? Oh yeah, so Pikachu, Piplup, and Celebi decide to help Zorua find Zoroark. Meanwhile, Goone catches all of the humans in an electric cage. Nice Job Breaking It, Pikachu! You should've stayed with Ash!

Luckily, Rowena, after hacking into Kodai's computer, and when I say hack, I mean type in an extremely obvious password! Rowena rescues our heroes and tell them the story of the EVIL Grings Kodai. Kodai got his power to see the future by using one of his inventions on the Time Ripple 20 years ago, the magical energy source Celebi uses to travel through time. Wait, Celebi needs a Time Ripple to time travel? She didn't need it in _Pokemon 2000!_ Is this like The Passage of Time in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky?

Anyway, when Kodai touched the Time Ripple 20 years ago, all the plant life in Crown City died. I'm guessing this hurt the economy because they sold fruits and vegetables and the Pokemon had nothing to eat? They don't really explain it well. I mean, it's not like it's a farm. It's a city. But the flashback they show is pretty heartbreaking. It's just a wave of darkness that consumed everything. That's pretty creepy. . .

So, Kodai finds the Pokemon. Zorua tries an illusion,_ but Kodai has a bracelet that can cancel illusions! _

_(Keldeo face hoofed)_

Oh, come on! You're kidding me!

So, Zoroark must have some kind of special mental connection with her son, because right when he's in trouble, she finds the strength to break out of the electric crate and escapes Kodai's airship.

And then, the Legendary Beasts Arrive!

_(Keldeo smiled and looked eager)_

Alright! Now Zoroark can lead the Legendary Beasts against Kodai and we can have this epic battle where they come to the rescue an-_The Legendary Beasts think Zoroark is evil and they attack her- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?_

_Raikou, Entei, Suicune; _You're supposed to be Legendary Pokemon! You're supposed to be smart and wise! Why are you attacking first and asking questions. . .never? I mean, imagine if the Swords of Justice did that? Yeah, after Ash and his friends break them out of the ice, they chop 'em to pieces with their Sacred Swords. Yeah, that would be the _Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice _equivalent to this movie!

Meanwhile, guess what Kodai does next? Come on, guess? Have you guessed yet? Well, if you guessed "strangle Celebi", you're correct. . . . .

_(Keldeo's mouth fell open)_

What the heck am I watching? What were the writers thinking? They had to write, "and then Celebi gets strangled." There are better ways to write an evil villain. They've done it before. Hunter J was an evil villain, and she didn't do stuff like this!

Luckily, Ash and the gang saves Celebi and Zorua and everyone has to race to where the Time Ripple is gonna appear. The heroes could have gotten there first, but Kodai uses a hidden camera to over hear them saying where the Time Ripple will be.

_(Keldeo face hoofed)_

DragonNiro, you were right. I _do not_ like technology. You might as well just say "A Wizard Did It!" Why does Kodai just have all these advantages. . .grrrrr!

So, after Zoroark manages to actually hold her own against the Legendary Pokemon, the Pokemon of Crown City somehow convince the Beasts that Zoroark is not evil. So, everyone rushes to the Time Ripple, which happens to be outside of the Baccer stadium.

Oh yeah, and Zoroark dominates Goone's Pokemon, and Goone himself.

. . . .

_(Keldeo raised an eye brow)_

What?

. . .

_(Keldeo sighed and hung his head)_

Alright then. . .if you really want it that badly. . .here. . .

* * *

_(A rap-like beat starts up, and strong electric guitar notes play over it.)_

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK!_

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK!_

So I'm busting out of my cage and I'm thinking,

'man, I gotta get to my son fast.'

So I use Night Daze to bust out and I'm trying to get to Zorua,

but then I look up and see the Legendary Pokemon Raikou, Entei, and Suicune.

And I'm like, 'Mind gettng out of my way, I need to save my son.'

But then they say, 'You attacked the city, so we gotta make you pay.'

So I say, 'Listen, I gotta save my son.'

But they're like, 'Look miss, we don't care about your kid, we gotta make you pay.'

. . . . .

SO I KNOCKED OUT THOSE PUNKS!

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! ZOROARK!_

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! ZOROARK!_

___I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! ZOROARK!_

So I convince those three that I'm not the Big Bad,

With the help of some other Pokemon, the ones living in Crown City

So eventually I make my way down the street

And then I see that ugly bald guy,

big ugly bald guy, name's Goone

He works for that Gring Kodai creep that made my life into living Hell

So you can imagine that I don't like him

So, he sends out his Pokemon, I dominate them, then I go over to him.

. . .

AND I KNOCKED OUT THAT PUNK!

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! zoroark. . ._

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! __zoroark. . ._

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! __zoroark. . ._

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK!_

* * *

There! I did it! You all happy know! Stupid Doug Walker fans!

So, after Zoroark defeats Goone, Ash implements the plan. Zorua turns into Celebi and acts as live bait while Ash and Pikachu take the injure Celebi to the Time Ripple.

What! A! Stupid! Plan!

You just sacrificed Zorua to save Celebi. Sure, Zorua was okay with this, but that just means Zorua's stupid! So, Zorua gets captured by Kodai!

So, Ash and Pikachu bring Celebi to the time ripple, _only to get caught by Kodai's Mismagius' Psychic! _So the plan failed!

But then Zoroark comes in to save the day, without the Legendary Beasts?

_(Keldeo threw up his hooves in shock)_

Where did they go? There's still a villain on the loose! What, are they having dinner at a Crown City Restaurant?

Unfortunately, Zoroark can't attack because Kodai has Zorua, _again! _Nice Job Breaking It, Ash!

Now, guess what Kodai does this time? Go on, guess! Give up? _Kodai electrocutes Zorua with his Time Ripple claw._

_(Keldeo's mouth fell open again and his eyes were filled with shock)_

What the- WHAT IS THIS! _Pokemon: Mark of the Beast_? Is this guy the Antichrist? I swear! This is horrible! I'm not kidding! This is absolutely painful! What, he's the villain so it's okay if he electrocutes a _baby? Seriously? _That's someone's idea of a PG movie?

And the electricity isn't the nice yellow kind Pokemon use! It's the deadly blue electricity that can kill!

That's it, Grings Kodai is worse than Hunter J! I mean, sure, Hunter J caused a forest fire, but that was only because Ash kept getting in her way and a Pokemon Ranger got involved. After her previous plots being foiled, and Ash being a meddling kid again, and a rich employer wanting that Riolu, Hunter J just went, "Alright Ketchum, you wanna get serious? You want to test my patience? Fine! I'm burning this whole forest until I get that Riolu!" And okay, she did grab Ash with her Drapion and looked as if he was gonna get crushed, but this was after Ash had kept bugging her for sooooooo long! Hunter J was cold hearted and evil, and she deserved her death, but her escalation in her actions made sense. Grings Kodai just goes around attacking Pokemon just cause he's evil and. . ._what does he even want?!_ He needs the Time Ripple so he can keep his powers to see the future. But so what? Is he gonna use it to take over the world?

_**M. Bison: **__Of course!_

Hunter J never went out of her way to torture a Pokemon! This Grings Kodai guy. . .needs to be killed multiple times!

And if you don't think the electiricty is actually deadly, then check out what Zorua says after he gets electrocuted!

* * *

_"I guess there's not much time left for me. . ."_

* * *

See! He know's he's gonna die! That is DARK!

So, Zoroark gets attacked by Shuppet and Mismagius, and Kodai touches the Time Ripple, and we get this terrifying scene where he glowing with black fire and sends another black shock-wave that destroys all the plants. Man, it is unbelievable how EVIL they make this guy look. Well, as long as they don't have him do an evil monologue where he boasts about his evil plan-

_Ding!_

Biscuits!

Well, at least they don't have him do an evil laugh and say something stupid like, "Victory is mine!" or something.

_Ding!_

BISCUITS!

If you gonna make an evil villain, then at least don't have him go through all the villain tropes in rapid succession!

So, Ash and our heroes actually don't win. They loose, and Grings Kodai wins. So, Ash had to deal with the fact that he let Celebi, Zoroark, Zorua, and all of Crown City down.

_(Keldeo sighs sadly)_

Although not the happiest of endings, this movie teaches viewers that even at the darkest of moments, when despair and doom reign supreme, when it appears that evil has emerged triumphant-

"Um. . .Keldeo?"

_(Keldeo turned to see Virizion nearby)_

Virizion? What is it?

_(Virizion whispered something in his ear. Keldeo's eyes widened)_

I already did this in my Breaking the Chains review? Aw man!

_(Virizion nodded and walked off_. _Keldeo sighed)_

Well, to cut it short, it was all an Illusion made by Zoroark so Kodai never touched the Time Ripple. Why didn't his bracelet cancel it? Well, during the fight, Zorua bit Kodai on the wrist, and he broke the Illusion Canceler.

So then Karl comes in with a camera. . .oh boy, I think I know what just happened. . .

So, it looks like Zoroark and Zorua are finally going to be reunited- _Shuppet shoots a Shadow Ball at Zorua but Zoroark takes the hit- OH COME ON!_

And then, Kodai grabs her with his claw and electrocutes her!

_**Andross: **If I'm going down I'm taking you with me!_

But then Zoroark does something so awesome! She grabs the wire that's electrocuting her, sends a Dark Pulse threw it, hits Kodai in the arm, and breaks the claw! Yeah, dumb move, Kodai! There goes your only way to absorb the Time Ripple! I though you were supposed to be smart?

So, now the heroes decide that maybe they should do something. But in the fight that follow, Shuppet and Mismagius go down after one hit each! One. Single. Hit.

* * *

_"The Time Ripple is mine!"_

* * *

No it's not! Zoroark broke your claw, remember!

Hey, you know what really pisses me off? _Now _the Legendary Beasts arrive! The battle's over, and now they come? Where the heck were they? What were the writers thinking? And they don't even attack Kodai, they just scare him away! Yeah, everyone just lets Kodai run away. What is wrong with these people?

And you know what? The Legendary Beasts did NOTHING! Oh yeah, they did try to kill Zoroark, yeah, that's something. But other than that, all they did was jump in front of Kodai and yell BOO! You could argue that they were protecting the Time Ripple, but Kodai's claw was broken! he can't steal it anymore! So throughout this entire movie, _the Legendary Beasts were complete idiots who did nothing to solve the conflict!_

Oh yeah, and when Zoroark drops down dead right in front of them, they still do nothing. They could have at least gotten a close up where they're crying or something. Or better let, maybe they could carry her to a Pokemon Center!

And you heard right, Zoroark is dying. Sure, why not, this story's dark enough as it is, and it's a requirement for Pokemon movies that someone has to be dying near the end. I'm assuming that it was the electrocution that killed her here.

Meanwhile, as Kodai is escaping by running into the Baccer Stadium, which is really dumb. Why wold you go into a building to hide? That makes it easy for people to corner you, not that our heroes seem to want to catch him. . .So, Zoroark uses a long distance Illusion to get Kodai to fall off a high platform where he hits the ground and dies. _Thank you, writers!_

So, we get this really sad scene where Zorua is trying to wake his mother up.

(Keldeo smiles sheepishly)

Yeah, I kinda cried a bit when I first saw it. Especially when Zorua creates a pretty impressive Illusion of their homeland around them.

Now, usually the dying character in brought back to life in the last possible moment in Pokemon movies, but after watching _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew__, _I got a _very bad feeling in_ the pit my stomach as I watched this scene.

Luckily, Celebi remembers the Time Ripple, and flies into it. It heals her, and then she uses her power to heal Zoroark. And then we get a heartwarming scene where Zoroark holds her son and they hug each other.

_(Keldeo smiles sheepishly again)_

Yeah, I kinda cried during this scene too.

So, Celebi thanks her new friends, and time travels away.

* * *

_"Bye everyone! I've gotta go back in time to when the Iron Masked Marauder nearly killed me and heal myself again! Only a couple more trips left!"_

* * *

So then we cut to Kodai- _HE'S STILL ALIVE?! _Are you kidding me? Okay, he landed on grass, sure, but he was three stories up! Are you saying that you can jump off a three story building and be perfectly fine? You know what, there's actually a Manga version of this movie, and in the Manag version, Kodai dies! Why did they change it? Is it because of the kids in the audience? You do realize that Pokemon has killed off Dr. Fuji and a bunch of his scientists, Latios, Lucario, Hunter J, and Cyrus; have almost killed a bunch of other characters, don't you? So why can't you kill off this son of a Ditto? He's worse than Hunter J, so kill him too! And you can't seriously tell me that seeing Kodai fall off a building and die is worse than seeing Zoroark slowly die from electrocution!

So. . .anyway, Kodai sees that his entire evil monologue was caught on tape and is being played for all of Crown City to see.

* * *

_**Tammy: **"What a terrible man!"_

* * *

_**Mrs. Gloop: **You terrible man!  
_

And in other obvious news:

_**Patrick Tatopoulos:** "That's a lot of fish!"_

So Officer Jenny arrests Kodai and Goone, who hopeful will get the electric chair, ironic justice. And hey, Officer Jenny actually did something. . .and it was a lot more than the Legendary Beasts did!

And so, Ash and Pikachu travel to Unova with Karl and Rowena- wait what?

Oh, it was just Zorua and Zoroark playing a joke! Alright, so Ash promises to visit them one day, _please oh please let that be an episode in Adventures in Unova and Beyond,_ and the movie ends with our heroes watching the Boccer Tournament!

Wow! What a movie that was! So, what I've learned from this movie is that if you have the villain perform cruel, heartless, crimes against humanity that are painful to watch, then the movie as a whole_ is not painful and stupid_ because the villain did it and we should expect the villain to do stuff like that. . . .

. . . .

YES IT IS! This whole movie is painful and stupid!

First of all, Zorua is annoying! There, I sad it! But that just makes it worse because when Zorua is _electrocuted, _we all feel bad for thinking Zorua is annoying! Also, why is Zoroark's name in the movie? She's only in the beginning and the end of the movie! Zorua has more screen time than she does. I guess it's because she's pretty much the climax of the whole movie. She's pretty much the embodiment of awesomeness. Seriously, she's like a Legendary Pokemon. She certainly did more than the Legendary Beasts! I hate those Legendary Beasts. They're the worst Legendary Pokemon ever. First they made things worse, and then they did nothing.

Speaking of doing nothing, did Ash and the gang really contribute to the plot? The only people who did anything relevant to the plot were Rowena and Karl. Dawn and Brock got captured and tried to chip away at Goone's Pokemon, and Ash and Pikachu just gave Zorua to Kodai and then got captured. In other words, you could've taken out Ash, Dawn, Brock, and the Legendary Beasts and the movie would've been fine if not _better_. Sure, the heroes saved Zorua and Celebi from Kodai once, but Karl and Rowena could've done that!

And let's talk about Celebi. She needed to be in this movie because Kodai's psychic powers and the Time Ripple were important plot points. Well then, _why didn't you_ p_ut her in the title?! _Again, _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew._ You already have the formula, use it! Imagine if they had called the movie _Lucario: Guardian of the Aura. _When Mew showed up, we'd be completely confused!

Now, I gotta commend them on the trailers. We had no clue what role Zoroark was gonna play in this. And seeing that Dark Ash sure did get us excited. This actually led people to believe Zoroark was gonna be a villain. This was probably an coincidence, but doesn't this match what Kodai's newscasts were doing in Crown City. Kodai made Zoroark out to be an evil Pokemon, and the trailers caused people to think Zoroark was the movie's antagonist. Like I said, probably a coincidence.

Also, the fight scenes were awesome! The bet one was clearly Zoroark vs the Legendary Beasts. Again, why wasn't she in _Super Smash Bros. U_? She is just such a powerful fighter! She's running fast, making Illusions, tricking the Legendary Beasts as if they were a pack of Growlithe! I love that scene, and the only problem is that it holds Zoroark up from saving her son who is in mortal peril.

Now, there is one more thing left to talk about, and that's Grings Kodai.

_(Keldeo sighed and pondered a bit)_

How do I best express my feelings towards this character? Wait, I know. . .

_(Keldeo left for a moment or two, and returned with a video tape in his mouth. He placed it on the ground)_

This is a copy of Kodai's Evil Speech of Evil that Karl recorded.

_(Keldeo looked down at the tape, and then he activated his Secret Sword and shouted a battle cry. He then began hitting the tape with his sword, stomping on it, spitting on it, and firing Focus Blasts at it. After only a minute, the tape was pretty much obliterated. Keldeo lowered his sword and took a deep breath to compose himself)_

Woo! Woo! Whew!

. . . . . .

Ahem!

. . . . .

OH MY GOSH! THAT WAS THE WORST VILLAIN I HAVE EVER SEEN_ IN MY LIFE!_

He's demonic! He's Satanic! He just. . .sucks!

And what? He just goes to jail? If you're gonna make a villain commit atrocities, you have to punish the villain accordingly! That's why in the Manga, he actually dies! Usually a good villain makes a good plot and we are impressed with how amazing the villain is and how smart and calculating he is. But Kodai isn't a good villain.

Who wrote this? Hideki Sonoda? Well someone needs to tell her that "sadistic sociopath" is not the same as "good villain." We aren't amazed by them, we hate them. Sure, we hate most villains, like Ghetsis or Hunter J, but when the villain gets as depraved as Kodai, you just want the movie to end so he can loose or something! The problem is that Kodai got personal. He deliberately injured three different Pokemon in a one-on-one manner. The first time he even used his bare hands! At least when Paul was abusive he thought he was just trying to make Chimchar strong. Oh yeah, and he wasn't smiling sadistically! If you make a villain worse than Hitler, then that just fills us all with anger and hatred at him that we can't enjoy the movie because the characters are all falling into that son if a Ditto's evil plan!

You know what I think? I think Kodai was a Gary Stu! He's extremely smart, extremely wealthy, has his own company, has all of these crazy gadgets that give him unfair advantages over the good guys, and even has a super power! That's why he's a bad villain! Everything goes his way throughout _the entire movie,_ but then the writer remember the good guys have to win, so he pulls the rug out from under him with a Dues Ex Machina and suddenly has him loose in 3 minutes and 48 seconds!

Yeah, I timed it!

This movie made me angry and depressed at the same time! I had to watch the happy ending of this movie over and over again just to recover from it!

And guess what? Zorua had this planned out from the start! He read my _Breaking the Chains _review, and saw that I didn't like it when characters are tortured or abused by a villain who enjoys doing it. So, then he started a rivalry with me over that silly comment I made about him. He knew I would then challenge him to review a fanfic, allowing him to challenge me to review a movie. He knew that I would review_ his_ movie in order to hit close to home, but he knew it would be worth it because this movie would torment me with torturing I couldn't stop and terrible villains that would make me want to attack the screen!

_(Keldeo eye's became suspicious as he tapped his hooves slowly)_

You are a most worthy adversary, Zorua. But if you think this is gonna get rid of me, you are very much mistaken! Don't you think you've heard the last from me! All I can say is curse Grings Kodai, and _you_ are gonna pay for making me watch him!

This is Keldeo of the Swords of Justice, and I was wondering. . .NO! No! I'm not gonna ask for Pecha Berries!

Hmmm, but how should I end this?

_(Keldeo though for a moment, then his eyes widened. He closed them, but then he opened them up and sighed)_

Of course, there's no point in trying to avoid it. . .alright here you are:

* * *

_(The rap beat suddenly starts up again)_

So after I deal with that bald guy, ya know, Goone

So now I get to that stadium place, I get there, right

And there I see that evil man, his name's Kodai, Grings Kodai

What kinda stupid name is that? Grings Kodai?

So he's like 'take one step closer and this little one in no more'

And then that piece of filth electrocutes my son right in front of me

And then he makes me stand still for a Shadow Ball

So he thinks he can suck up that Time Ripple, but nope

I make an Illusion and trick him into spilling his whole evil plan to a hidden camera

So he throws a Shadow Ball at my son, so I go and block it

So he gets made and is like, 'How dare you trick me, for what you did you're going to pay'

And he tries electrocuting me. . .

. . .

. . .

So I grabed the wire

Sent a Dark Pulse down the wire

Hit him in the arm

Broke his claw

Roared in his face

He runs away but I didn't care

I fell down from all the stress of battle

Created a long distance Illusion

Made him think he's flying on his airship

Made the airship dive

Threw him off balance

Canceled the Illusion

He fell off the platform to the field three stories down

. . . .

AND I KNOCKED OUT THAT PUNK!

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! zoroark. . ._

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! __zoroark. . ._

_RAAAARRRGH!_

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! __zoroark. . ._

_RAAAHAHAHAAAAAA!_

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! zoroark. . ._

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! __zoroark. . ._

_RAAAARRRGH!_

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! zoroark. . ._

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! __zoroark. . ._

_I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! __zoroark. . ._

_RAAAARRRGH!_

* * *

**_Thank you. . . ._**

_(Virizion here. Seriously though, I think Keldeo is being a little too hard on this movie. My guess is that he can't stand seeing innocent Pokemon suffer. But he did acknowledge how incredible the fight scenes with Zoroark and the Legendary Beasts were. But I must admit, this movie is DARK! **('V')**)_

_(Terrakion here. Wow, the Legendary Beasts stink. They really didn't do much. All they did was push Zoroark closer to her breaking point. I hope we meat them. Then we can challenge them to a fight and take them down!_ _**('T')**)_

_(Coballion here. Grings Kodai is a disgrace to man kind. He's so evil that he's distracting from the plot. He may not die in the movie version, but I'm sure justice will be served and he'll received the death penalty. **(C)**)_

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_The Powerpuff Girls_

_Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_

_Godzilla (1998)_

_The T-Rex Song _by The Great Luke Ski and Doug Walker

_Nostalgia__ Critic- Bebe's Kids the Game_

_The Angry Video Game Nerd vs The Nostalgia Critic_

**_Specail Thanks_**

_TVtropes_

_BenTLooney_

_DragonNiro_


	57. Zorua vs Keldeo: THE FINAL BATTLE

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Editorial- Zorua vs Keldeo THE FINAL BATTLE!**

**(Third Person Point of View this time)**

"It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!" Keldeo announced happily.

Keldeo nodded seriously and said, "And first, I gotta say that despite it's problems, _Zoroark: Master of Illusions _was a pretty good movie. A little darker and edgier, but still a good movie.I also forgot to mention the nice speech about not worrying about the future Team Rocket does at the end as they float down a relaxing river, not sent blasting off for once. The movie was still kinda hard to review though." Keldeo thought this over for a minute, "Huh. . .maybe that's why Zorua reviews movies the way he does? There's just so much to take in that he has to trim it down and stuff. It sounds crazy and all over the place, with his out of nowhere references and Film-to-World Connections, but that's why it's entertaining. And maybe it is hard for Zorua to review so much plot in such a quick, concise manner. Maybe I've been underestimating him all this-"

Keldeo was interrupted when his tablet rang.

"Who could be calling me now?" Keldeo asked as he tapped the screen to answer it.

A familiar face appeared on the screen. "CRITIC!" Zorua shouted.

"ZORUA!" Keldeo shouted back.

Zorua smirked and said, "So you're still criticizing me?"

"No!" Keldeo replied, "I was actually giving you a little credit. Unlike you who just call me up in the middle of an Editorial just to interrupt me and insult me!"

Zorua growled and said, "Alright, things have gone far enough! I have one thing left to say to you!"

Keldeo glared at Zorua and gritted his teeth.

"I'm sorry," Zorua said with his ears drooping and his tail between his legs.

"BRING IT ON, KITSUNE! YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME? I-" Keldeo froze solid and blinked. "Wait, did you just say you're sorry?"

Zorua nodded, "Yeah. Ya see, when I sat down and reviewed that Fanfic, I realized how hard it really is to have to sit down and review something that had so many flaws and wasn't as polished as an actual official movie or episode."

Keldeo blinked and cracked a smile, "Oh. . . Well, um, to be honest, I mean, _Zoroark: Master of Illusions _was so long, and every error hit me extra hard because it was part of the official cannon, so I my expectations were so much higher. Plus it was animated in front of me so I wasn't able to use my imagination to make it what I wanted to see. So, I guess it made me realize that reviewing movies really isn't that easy either."

Zorua smiled and said, "Yeah, I mean seriously, why are we doing this?"

Keldeo chuckled and shook his head, "I don't know, it's pretty ridiculous, isn't it?"

Zorua rested his chin on his front paws and said, "Yeah, I mean it really doesn't matter. I mean, just the fact that I'm the better reviewer, of course. But I mean, nobody _really_ cares, it's not a big deal."

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, yeah I guess you have a point there. I mean it made me realize that-" Keldeo stopped dead in his tracks and stared brankly at the Zorua on his tablet. _"What?"_

Zorua flipped with joy and laughed, "A-hah! Yeah! He finally admits it! But don't worry. I mean, it's not like you have to stop making your stinky reviews!"

Keldeo stamped the ground with anger and shouted, "You can go touch all nine of Ninetails' tails, you vulpine!"

Zorua bared his fangs and snarled, "And you can go make out with Rarity, you My Little Pony reject!"

Keldeo took quick deep breaths to calm himself and said, "Alright, this is getting ridiculous. I'm not gonna loose my honor and look like a lunatic. I say we just settle this. Settle this once and for all!Zorua! _I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!_"

Zorua smirked and bounced from paw to paw excitedly, "Oh, okay, you want your Fox on Pony action? Well then show me that you have the guts! Get your Blank-Flank over here, and we'll have. . ." Zorua eyes grew wide as he said dramatically, "THE FINAL BATTLE! Dun-dun-dunnnnnn!"

Keldeo narrowed his eyes and smiled, "Alright Zorua, let's settle this. Let's settle this FOREVER!"

_"Get your Blank-Flank over here!"_

_"FINE!"_

Keldeo hung up on Zorua and took off at a full gallop. He splashed through the Moor of Icirrus as fast as he could. He legs went up and down and over the terrain at top speed. The pace he was traveling at rivaled Rapidash and Arcanine.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zorua looks up from his IPad Mini Matthais had given him. He walks over to the entrance to the cave and stared off into the distance.

* * *

After some time, Keldeo reached the shores of Unova. Not slowing down a bit, Keldeo used Hydro Pump to run across the waters surface. A huge wake was formed behind him as he rocketed across the ocean. Soon Keldeo rose up above the water's surface and just flew over the sea. He soared higher and higher until he could make out a thick patch of fog further out. Keldeo dived down and splashed into the water. His Aqua Jet propelled him through the water like a torpedo. Basculin and Alomomola watched him fly by in shock.

Keldeo broke the water's surface in time to see an island up ahead. Keldeo flew over to the mountainous island and landed on the shore. He ran through the the forest, dodging tree limbs, until he burst through a final bush and saw Zorua standing in the mouth of the cave.

Keldeo shouted a battle cry and dived for Zorua. Zorua quickly jumped out of the way and transformed into a Tangrowth. The Tangrowth shot Vine Whip at Keldeo and wrapped him tightly around the waist. Keldeo struggled with all his might, but he couldn't get free. He then tried using Secret Sword to cut through the vines, but the sword merely passed through the vines like a ghost.

_"Stupid Illusions. . .so real. . ." _Keldeo thought. Then he looked at the Tangrowth and thought, _"How about I take out the source!"_

Keldeo then spat a Focus Blast at the Tangrowth.

"Meep!" was all that Zorua had enough time to say before the Focus Blast scored a Super Effective hit on his face.

* * *

"You okay know Zorua? Should I get you some more Oran Berries from the forest?"

Some time had passed, and Zorua had needed time to lie down and eat a few Oran Berries. Zorua finished chewing and swallowing one of the round, blue fruits and replied, "Don't worry. KawaiiJoltic gave me a whole bunch of 'em. And I feel fine now." Zorua then frowned, "Well, that was kinda anti-climatic, wasn't it?"

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, it was. But let's be serious here. I'm a Legendary Pokemon who's trained all my life with the Swords of Justice. You're still young, and Zoroark still teaching you how be strong. This battle was never fair at all."

Zorua nodded sadly, "Yeah, you're right. In order to beat you'd, I'd have to evolve first. But how are we gonna settle the argument and prove that I'm better than you!?"

Keldeo resisted the urge to face hoof and said, "Well, we could have a different kind of battle. . ." Keldeo's face suddenly lit up with a smile. "That's it! I've got it!"

"What is it?" Zorua asked.

"You'll see in a moment. Hey, can I use your IPad Mini? I need to contact somebody. . ."

* * *

"Alright! Get ready, cause it's time for EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!" Matthais shouted into a microphone. Zorua and Keldeo stood on opposite sides of the stage Matthais' rap battle studio.

"I'm Matthais Unidostres, and today we got _**Zorua**_ vs _**Keldeo the Critic**_!"

_**"BEGIN!"**_

* * *

**Zorua:**

This battle will leave you crying like in that Fanfic I reviewed!

An honorable Sword of Justice? Your reviews are rude and crude!

Can't even make up your mind! Remember _Nine in the Afternoon?_

And you left your three guardians to freeze and meet their doom!

**Keldeo the Critic:**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction!

I'm a Sword of Justice! This kid's got a berry addiction!

All you got is your little kids who want you as a plushie!

At least I don't love every piece of fiction I see!

**Zorua:**

Your parents died in a fire, you didn't even try to save 'em!

I got Ash to save Meema from Kodai, and we beat him!

Quit playing the Portal 2 Announcer! You're reviews are all wrong,

And we're all tired of hearing the "The Reviews Began" song!

**Keldeo the Critic:**

I didn't leave the Swords to die, Ash helped me save 'em too!

My parents may be dead, but at least I had two!

I grew up in the streets, puppy! And I spit Focus Blasts!

In a battle between us, a minute was all you could last!

**Zorua**:

OH MY GOSH! THIS IS THE GREATEST RAP BATTLE OF MY LIFE!

I was innocent in my movie, all you did was cause strife,

Getting Kyurem mad and causing his army to terrorize the city,

You're so weak, not even Team Rocket wanted you, what a pity!

So Meema raised me by herself? She was more than I could ever want!

But wait, then Papa Lucario came! Your insult didn't have much thought!

I'll tie this pony up like Pinkie did in CSImadmax's comic

There's only so many ways I can say you make me sick!

* * *

_"Alright! I'm gonna teach this brat a lesson!"_

Keldeo gasped and turned to see Terrakion running into the studio.

"Terrakion!" Keldeo gasped.

Terrakion smiled and nodded, "Alright, Keldeo. Watch and learn as I hit this brat with a verbal Hyper Beam!"

* * *

**Terrakion:**

Now that the toughest Sword of Justice has finally stood up,

I'm gonna tell Bowser Junior here to just shut up!

You the "Ditto Fox", all you got is your mom's fur coat!

You reviews only have those wacky abridged quotes!

My name is Terrakion, don't forget it Zoru-duuuuuh!

I'm the only Rock/Fighting-type Pokemon! Uh-huh!

I'm the Heavy Weight champion of the four Swords! You're weak!

My Stone Edge has your Scratch attack beat!

* * *

_"You leave him along, you big, fat bully!"_

Everyone turned to see Luke's girl Zorua run in to Zorua side. The two of them exchanged a quick nuzzle, and then Luke's Zorua launched into a fun bouncy rap.

* * *

**Luke's Zorua (Zoey):**

I play any part that you want! As long as it's a female!

It's time to show these Little Ponies that they're designs are a fail!

I had my own movie in Mr. Matthew's theater! Mr. T, you were frozen!

You should be in a Toys R Us, right next to Big Mac and

Cheerilee and the other Little Ponies in pink aisle,

My boyfriend and I are so cute all who see us smile!

Illusions are a great defense mechanism,

Our Abilities are multipurpose, unlike Justified, which was useless against Kyurem!

Keldeo? More like Kelde-_dohdoh_, what's up with that?

Kyurem just touched your King Sombra horn, and it went CRACK!

I would rather train with Pinkie Pie than get leased by Rarity,

Yeah I brought up that comic again, for it's Special Effectivity!

If you're a King Sombra clone, then you're _not _a Sword of Justice!

Not even that jerk Jules could ever make me this pissed!

You're never gonna beat this giant Golurk guardian!

Because it's MY movie, I'm Zoey the Zorua!

* * *

_"Those last too rhymes didn't even rhyme!"_

Zorua and Zoey gasped and hugged each other in fear as Cobalion marched onto the stage, glaring at the two of them.

"Alright. . ." Keldeo smiled as the music changed to a serious beat, and Cobalion chuckled softly.

* * *

**Cobalion**:

All living creatures beware, this Pokemon has been released,

By the end of this the memory of that comic will be deceased!

I punish humans hard for their crimes against Pokemon

You bring out my purest disgust, the Swords of Justice want you gone

I'm the Four Swords' leader, teach you a lesson, we're not messing,

Your Illusions mean nothing, so be silent and take your medicine!

I've got a cold heart of steel, I don't care if you cry,

I'd say I'm sorry to you babies, but Iron Will doesn't apologize!

Luke's movies are just a joke, nobody even knows the him,

And since when were you called Zoey? Not that I care, Ditto twins,

You have slandered the Swords of Justice, it's time for you to loose,

Matthais gave you the rope, and you're each tying your noose.

* * *

There was an explosion as the door was blown open by an Aura Sphere. Lucario ran in and faced Cobalion and gave him a death glare, snarling with rage.

* * *

**Lucario**:

Yo! Hold on Swords! Aura Pokemon in the building!

The Aura is With Me when you're rapping against me,

It's a good evening to defeat this inferior Steel/Fighting type!

My raps are inspired from Aaron, call me Aura Guardian, I saved Mew,

Tree of Life was so sick, but I made it all better!

When it comes to battles, it's got my name,

Super Smash Bros. Brawl, I got the fortune and fame!

I'm running this rap game!

I'll shove an Aura Sphere in your mouths, Ponies'll get beat by this hound,

One more thing, funny thing is, you're worse than the Mane Six!

You insult my child and wife? You all make me sick!

* * *

Lucario nodded, "There, take that. Now, I'm here to take Zorua home-."

Suddenly, Virizion jumped onto the stage from the roof. A guitar beat kicked up as Virizion started her rap.

* * *

**Virizion:**

BATTLE ON! Virizion's here to help her friends!

Just like any of my battles, I fight until the end!

I'm the Grassland Pokemon, move like a whirl-wind!

I'm about to do it again, I'll leave you breathless at the end!

This K-9 trio will be taken down by Magical Leaf!

Zorua, your howling's bad beyond belief,

And Luke's Zorua and a Lucario? No matter, I'll teach you two a lesson!

Why don't you quit trying to rap and mourn for Sir Aaron?

Lucario, you got a second chance, and used it to get a mate,

Why don't you get off your lazy behind after cheating fate.

I've got an idea, how about I swiftly cut you up!

It's just like a pack of dogs to never shut-up!

* * *

Suddenly, all the lights went out all at once, making it pitch black in the studio. A lone spotlight shone down; revealing Lucario, Zorua, and Zoey standing in the center, looking up. The Swords of Justice stood back and watched what was happening. Black smoke began to snake down from the ceilings and curled around in the center of the spotlight. The smoke soon formed the shape of the Illusion Fox Pokemon herself. Zoroark stood on her hind legs and looked directly at the Sword of Justice. She then threw her head back and roared a blood curdling cry. Keldeo was clearly afraid, Terrakion actually stepped back, Virizion looked clearly nervous, and Cobalion's right eye actually twitched.

* * *

**Zoroark**:

The Master has entered, so ALL EYES ON ME!

I'm a hardcore Pokemon, unlike these pussy Ponies!

I'll take all you punks at once, so let's see what you got!

I'll own all your Swords faster than my black neck got shocked!

Fill fans with awe with just the mention of my name, ya'll are lame,

Just a bunch off silly Equine Legends gaining cheap fame!

So bodacious, I took on the Legendary Beasts!

I'm a Crowning Moment of Awesome with rhymes that can't be beat.

DARK PULSE! It's all over for you now, Musketeers!

My Illusions will trap you in your worst fears!

You raps are criminal, have fun with my NIGHT SLASH!

I made everyone look like cardboard, yet I'm a cannon of glass!

Watch closely, my child, these fools going down,

It's all going down, cause Zoroark runs this town!

Kodai took me out in M13, but Celebi brought me back,

The world will always remember this ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK! NIGHT DAZE ATTACK!

* * *

While rapping, Zoroark threw herself upon the Sword of Justice. She easily got a hit on Keldeo first, while the other Swords attempted to hit her with their own attacks. Zoroark quickly dodged the Flash Cannon, Magical Leaf, and Hyper Beam. She then created an illusion of Kyurem and bathed the entire room in a freezing breeze. Virizion was quickly driven down by the terrible cold and fell down on the ground shivering in defeat.

Zoroark canceled the illusion and hit Virizion with a DARK PULSE. Terrakion fired Stone Edge at Zoroark, who dodged it an turned into Suicine and doused Terrakion in an illusion of water. She then hit him with NIGHT SLASH, knocking him down.

Cobalion and Keldeo charged Zoroark with Sacred Sword and Secret Sword. Zoroark created the illusion of purple crystals growing towards them. The two Swords of Justice jumped over it and were headed right towards Zoroark. However, Zoroark created a well placed NIGHT DAZE ATTACK that hit them in their chests. The air was knocked out of them, and Zoroark jumped forward and hit them both with Night Slash, knocking them down for the last time.

Zoroark smiled and canceled the Illusion, and the lights all turned back on. The Swords of Justice all lay knocked out in a loose pile near the far wall.

Zorua jumped onto his mother's shoulder and nuzzled her cheek.

"You _are_ the strongest Pokemon ever, Meema!" he said.

Zoey admired Zoroark in awe as Lucario nodded and leaned in to lick Zoroark on the cheek.

"Let's go home," Lucario said.

Zoroark nodded, and the family left the studio. Zoey looked over at Matthais, then at the Swords of Justice, then back at Matthais.

"Um. . .will they be okay?" Zoey asked.

Matthais nodded, "Oh yes, of course they will. Come on, I'll take you back to Luke now."

Zoey looked back at the Swords of Justice one more time, and then she followed Matthais out of the studio.

A few seconds later, Keldeo started twitching.

His eye snapped open. . . .

**THE END?**

**_Credits_**

_Nostalgia__ Critic vs Angry Video Game Nerd: The Final Battle_

_Epic Rap Battle Parodies : Eminem vs Macklemore - Epic Rap Battle Parodies _by ERBParodies

_Pokemans-Pink _by CSImadmax

_My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

**_Special_**_** Thanks**_

_**KawaiiJoltic:  
**_

"I'd love to see a Rap Battle between Zorua and Keldeo to settle their argument from Zorua Reviews chapter eight. No clue what to bace it off of, but you could maybe have guest appearances by the Sacred Swordsmen and Zoroark, Zoey, and Luke to break them apart if things get too intense."

_TvTropes_

_Epic Rap Battles of History _by Nicepeter


	58. NUMB

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- NUMB by Kangaskhan**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

I'm kinda worn out from my feud with Zorua, so this reviews gonna short, quick, and maybe not as funny; so sorry in advance. Besides, this fanfic actually kinda deep and serious.

* * *

_**NUMB**_

_Author: Kangaskhan _

_Do you believe in God? Does he believe in you?_

* * *

A very ambiguous summary. Well, the main character is Arceus, so that means it's one of _those_ fanfics. Well then, let's jump right in.

* * *

NUMB

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there._

He watched with such a sense of apathy, it frightened him. Once upon a time, he wouldn't have stood for it. Now though, he was tired. So tired.

_I've become so tired..._

One human stuck the other in anger. They were yelling, screaming, and it only escalated from there. Others became involved, slowly but surely. In a manner of weeks there was war.

_So much more aware._

His creations were destroying each other. The humans and their loyal friends fought to the death, tearing into each other, mutilated themselves until their bodies gave out and died. What could come of this? Certainly nothing... nothing but sorrow.

Their God watched passively as civilization destroyed itself. Ripped apart at the very fabric, they collapsed into nothing but chaos and madness. More chilling than their extinction was the lack of warmth or pity in their god's eyes. He just watched, watched them all burn.

_By becoming this, all I want to do..._

* * *

Are those the lyrics to "Numb" by Linkin Park? Oh, so this is a songfic.

The thing about songfics is, they're tricky to write, and hard to define. Sometimes you just get a fanfic where a story happens with song lyrics added in to match the description. Sometimes a character is singing the song. And other times the characters are speaking some lyrics from the song while performing actions other lyrics of the song describe. I normally don't know what to feel about these, so I approach them like any other fanfic.

So, it seems humantiy has destroyed themselves and all Arceus can do is watch. . .apparently.

* * *

_Arceus floated up, away from the ruins of his temple. Away from the charred corpses. The battlefields littered with carrion. The gore strewn landscapes that had once been green and teeming with life. Away from the chaos, away from sadness. This was not his world anymore._

* * *

So, yeah, he's pretty much ditching the world. Wow. And wait, what were the other Legendary Pokemon doing while humans were destroying the world?

* * *

_He watched for a moment, something stirring below. Among the decay and confusion, one tiny creature yet stirred. He wove his way through the mess of bodies. He moved with frantic purpose, only stopping to rest by the breast of one fallen soldier. It was a young man, no more than fifteen years of life. Fifteen brief years, cut short by the dark, cruelty of this world._

_The tiny creature laid itself across the human boy's chest, panting pitifully. It's squeaking could be interpreted as mournful wails. Mourning this human. What had he been in life? Something worthy to justify a mourning surely. But as the little creature's sobbing continued it became all the more clear. It was not this man, but man itself that warranted this dirge._

_Such beautiful, fascinating creatures they had been before their undoing. They were so clever, and funny too. They had all the potential in the world. They could have done anything. They could have done anything. Anything, except save themselves._

_Arceus landed beside the smaller monster, looking over it as it cried._

_"Why do you weep for them? This is the destruction they have wrought. It is only fair judgment that their evil has destroyed them."_

_The smaller monster looked up, teary eyed. "But what did this boy do? He who freed my tail from a trap, who gave me grain to eat and a home to sleep. He who worked in the field for his gramma and baked bread with his mama. What did he do to deserve this?"_

_Arceus stood in awe for a moment at this simple creature's profound logic. He stepped closer, looking over the boy's face. It now appeared as though he had been much younger than he first thought. His left breast had been pierced by an arrow, the shaft still protruding cruelty from his lifeless form._

_"Why did you let this happen?" the little creature spoke again, this time more bold than before. "If you could stop it, and didn't, then why did they call you God?" Tears came to the little beast's eyes again. "They trusted you... they loved you unconditionally... why could you not do that for them?"_

* * *

Well, if the vacuum of the fictional Pokemon universe, that answer is very valid. I mean, he has an army of Legendary Pokemon that he could order around if he wanted to!

* * *

_And there stood the creator of the heavens and the earth, baffled by the utterance of one, insignificant creature. With only a toss of his head he could banish this foolish creature to the lost zone, to waste away alone in pain. Certianly it knew this too. But here it stood, staring him down, with tears in its eyes, asking him 'why'. Why didn't you stop it Arceus? ...why?_

_Arceus lowered his head and touched it to the boy's face. He could feel the lifelessness, it radiated a particular feeling that sent chills through his immortal body. He grabbed hold of the coldness though, drawing it into himself, letting his warmth flow out. A faint light eminated from the patch of skin where their bodies connected. As the sensation of life left the God of Judgment the rigor mortis disappeared from the young man's limbs._

* * *

So he brings the boy back to life. Okay, now what?

* * *

_"Perhaps... perhaps you were right, small creature," Arceus said, looking at the little beast in true sorrow. He looked around the battlefield, feeling it weigh heavy on his heart. So much red covering up the green. So much ugly, covering up the beauty. So much hatred, clouding his vision._

_Arceus stepped away, allowing himself to slip the bonds of gravity once more. "I will repeal my judgment on mankind," Arceus declared, _

* * *

Wait, so this was all a punishment? I don't get it? I thought the humans killed each other in war? Was the war the punishment, or was not stopping the war the punishment? This could have been phrased better.

* * *

_looking down at the little pink monster, still faithfully watching over the human. "But you must promise me..."_

_"Whatever you ask, your nobleness," it replied modestly._

_"You, and all your kind shall watch over them. I will impart to you a secret knowledge, of all the power locked inside you. Use it to protect them, from those that would harm them, and harm they would do themselves."_

_Light surrounded the ancient god, separating from his body seventeen spheres. Each of them held within a portion of Arceus' secret knowledge. In turn each one flew up to, then into the pink monster. Ancient knowledge from the universe's creation flower into and throughout the little creature as it absorbed Arceu's will._

_"You will go and teach these things to your kind. You will be their patron and the source of all their power," Arceus said, regarding the little creature. Soon it too began to float, much to its own surprise. It struggled to right itself for several moments before it was able to meet Arceus' gaze once more. "You, like the humans, poses a great and terrible potential. Do not let them stray."_

_Arceus then took skyward, his majestic body galloping over the field of the dead. Slowly, bit by bit, his own body began to decay. As it dissolved it scattered and fell to the earth below. A cool, green sheen overtook the broken mess, causing it to blur and become unfocused._

_"Arceus! Where will you go!" the pink monster called out to the lest remaining piece of the ancient deity._

_"I go to where my heart will learn what yours knows so well."_

_And with that, all was gone. All the blood. All the death. All the sadness. All the suffering, all the pain. And Arceus. Gone, as if they had never been there at all. What was left behind was a beautiful green field, humans working side by side, together in harmony once more._

* * *

So. . .he just heals the entire world? Just like that? Wow. . .

* * *

_"Heeey! You! What are you doing, straying so far from home?" A young boy called to the little pink creature, still staring blankly at the sky. The young boy approached him and scooped the little creature up in his arms. He tickled its little pink belly playfully and beamed at it brightly._

_"I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you, Mew. C'mon, let's go home..."_

* * *

_(Keldeo spat out a Berry Juice he was drinking)_

That was Mew!?

* * *

From the place of his ascension, he watched. He watched as man and beast toiled together in the field, the hardships they shared, and the burdens the bared. He watched with such fascination, that he felt something he had almost forgotten about entirely. Compassion.

_By becoming this all I want to do..._

He watched especially that young boy, and his pet, who loved him so much he moved the heart of gods.

_Is be less like me, and be more like you._

* * *

_(Keldeo opened and closed his mouth a few times in shock, then he shook the cobwebs out of his head and spoke)_

Okay, okay. So, let me make sense of all this. So this fanfic begins in a time before Pokemon, or at least before they had powers; but then mankind destroyed itself; Mew convinced Arceus to give man a second chance; Arceus gave Mew his powers and recreated mankind; and Mew went on to be the first Pokemon who led to the creation of all the hundreds of Pokemon species over thousands of years.

Wow. . .that's the strangest Pokemon origin story I've ever heard. And does the song "Numb" really fit this story? "Numb" is about refusing to be like someone else and being _numb_ to their attempts to change you. This story is about compassion and second chances. See why I don't care for songfics that much?

Now, to be fair, this was very well written. The emotions were very well portrayed. The surprise is kinda good, although it's very much hinted at. And it has this heavy, deep tone to it that's very hard to create. But still, It's not one of my favorites. It's not bad. It's really good. But, it's not something I'd read twice. Probably because the origin story's a little wonky for the Pokemon world. How does Mew pass on her powers to hundreds of Pokemon species again?

Ah, whatever. I'm Keldeo the Critic and I-

_"Ahem!"_

_(Kedleo turned to see a Donphan standing nearby. He quickly turned away.)_

_"Don't act like you don't know I'm there."_

_(Keldeo sighed)_

Alright. Zorua was supposed to review this originally for our feud. But two things changed that. One, he couldn't understand it. It was too deep for him. And two, after I said I'd review _Zoroark: Master of Illusions, _Zorua decided to review a fanfic with me in it. So, I decided to take it up for him. There! Satisfied?

_"Yes I am. Well, by Keldeo."_

Bye Donphan.

_(Keldeo flinched and closed his eyes. He opened them and looked around)_

That's funny. I had a feeling something totaly random was gonna appear. . .oh well!

I'm Keldeo the Critic and I reviewed a Pokemon Fanfiction!

**THE END**

_Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	59. Past Transgressions

_And then the reviews began!_

_And then the reviews began!_

**_Hurtful complaining won't stand!_**

**_No more pretentious rants!_**

_Cause he is a Sword of Justice-_

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- Past Transgressions by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!

Remember when I did that double review of FictionaryMan03895's stories? Well, now I'm going to try that with AuraWielder.

AuraWielder has probably written some very good Pokemon fan-fiction, not to mention one of the most insane stories I've ever read, but forget that!

This author has writtenthe sadly canceled _"From Death to Damnation" _where Palkia fights through Hell, the totally _epic _and _hardcore "Slaves and Soldiers", _and of course, _"Breaking the Chains."_

Now, before I go on, I have to address a certain complaint I made during my _"Breaking the Chains" _review concerning a certain side character.

* * *

_Okay. . .um, Tyranitar! Yeah, Tyranitar! How come we never see his POV! What makes Charizard better than Tyranitar? I'm pretty sure Tyranitar has decent back-story too!_

* * *

_Everyone's dead, and Riley's house burned down. At this point, the only one with a happy ending is Charizard. Oh yeah, and that Tyranitar no one cares about. . ._

* * *

_Although I wish we could have gotten to see Tyranitar's back story. I mean, come on, Charizard got a back story, and a good one too!_

_(Keldeo put a hoof over his heart)_

_I'm serious right now, I actually sympathized with Charizard. I wanted him to escape and get back to his wife and kids, and felt happy when he was freed. But I'm disappointed that I couldn't feel any sympathy for Tyranitar because he was barely in the story at all! There could have been an epilogue with them journeying home together, and perhaps a scene where Charizard and his wife embrace as Tyranitar smiles and walks off into the sunset, maybe?_

_I know I'm starting to look greedy, by we all expected something with Tyranitar._

* * *

_(Keldeo smiled sheepishly. Then he leaned over and brought a silver covered dish in front of him. He lifted the cover and revealed a Murkrow underneath.)_

I better start eating. . .

_(The Murkrow squawked in fear and flew off as fast as he could_. _Keldeo chuckled.)_

Okay, but seriously, I should've known AuraWielder was planning something. Namely a short story that bridged the gap slightly between _"Breaking the Chains" _and the upcoming sequel _"Conquering the Dark." _Get ready to Meet the Tyranitar! Cause here's _"Past Transgressions."_

* * *

_Past Transgressions_

_Author's Note: This is an interquel oneshot between "Breaking the Chains" and the planned sequel "Conquering the Dark", set a few days after "Breaking the Chains". This will elaborate on Tyranitar, and what has happened to him after the events of "Breaking the Chains". This will also set him up to becoming Riley's Pokémon in "Conquering the Dark". And warning to those of you who didn't read Breaking the Chains: this IS religious, so if you're not a fan, click the back button. You got your warning._

* * *

I don't get it? Why would anyone hate something just cause it's religious?

Anyway, the story begins with Tyranitar, a while after getting knocked out by Alpha. And like Aaron in _Breaking the Chains, _he finds himself in Riley's house in a nice soft bed. Good call-back there, AuraWielder!

Wait. . how can a huge Tyranitar fit on a bed? Maybe he's not _that_ big. He's probably a slightly smaller, so he's maybe a few feet taller than a grown man.

* * *

_"Can I ever forgive myself?"_

_Those were the words that haunted Tyranitar's head. He laid there, barely conscious. As soon as he had come to, he discovered he was free from Anderson's control. He couldn't help but wonder where he was. Looking around weakly, he discovered that he was in a bed. The sheets were very soft and warm, something he couldn't help but noting._

_"Can I ever forgive myself?"_

_Those words repeated themselves in Tyranitar's head. How many people had he killed? How many Pokémon died at his hands? He had killed so many under Anderson's control that he had completely lost count. Part of himself told him that it wasn't his fault. After all, he had no control over himself. He had no free will, and no say in what Anderson forced him to do._

_The other half of himself told him that he was completely to blame. That half told him that being under Anderson's control was no excuse. He did those crimes. Mind controlled or not, he still believed that there was no reason that he should be spared for the crime of murder. He knew that he deserved to be imprisoned. Executed, even._

* * *

Cynder the Dragoness, anyone?

* * *

_"You're awake."_

_Tyranitar looked to the sound of the voice that had spoken. On a chair next to him was a Lucario. He looked at him. It was clear that this Lucario had many scars on him. Scars that were both physical and mental. It quickly became clear to him that this was the Lucario that his former master had frequently experimented on. The one who had suffered much torture and agony before he was finally free._

_And the Lucario that Tyranitar was forced to beat up whenever he disobeyed Anderson._

* * *

Oh wow. So they go way back. It's like a school bully meeting his victim at a school reunion. . .awkward.

* * *

_"Riley and I were worried about you."_

_"Riley?" Tyranitar thought. "Who was Riley?"_

_"I'm going to go get him, OK?" the Lucario said. "You just rest here and take it easy for right now." With those words, he hopped out of the chair and left the room, closing the door behind him._

_Tyranitar was left alone again, with only his thoughts to keep him company. Naturally, the haunting thoughts also came back._

_"Can I ever forgive myself of my past transgressions?"_

_The images of graphically murdering people and Pokémon alike returned to his head. He shuddered at remembering the deeds. He couldn't do it. He knew that he couldn't forgive himself for what he did. He believed that, deep inside, that nobody could forgive him. Certainly not the families of the ones he had murdered, who are surely still mourning over the lost of their loved one. Sighing to himself, he turned away from the door on the other side, looking out the window instead._

* * *

I really wish I knew why Team Galactic would need to kill innocent bystanders. I mean, okay, they tried blowing up Iron Island once in the Anime, but that's because they wanted to destroy the ruins after stealing the Spear Key, not to mention get revenge on Ash, Riley, and Aaron. It wasn't a village or a city or anything. But, that's no big deal, the story still works fine.

* * *

_The Lucario came back in, along with a black-haired human with a blue-colored trench coat. It occurred to the Tyranitar that this human was the one he was forced to battle against earlier. He didn't know how long had passed since that time, nor even why the human decide to help him and take him in._

_"…So." Riley said, as he eyed the Tyranitar not with suspicion, but with interest. "You are that doctor's Pokémon… correct?"_

_Tyranitar wasn't going to deny anything at this point, especially after the human more than likely saved his life. "…Yes."_

* * *

_(Keldeo spat out a Berry Juice he was drinking)_

What the heck!? Did he just talk?

Did a Tyranitar, who's neither a Legendary, nor a Psychic, nor an Aura Pokemon, just speak in human language?

_(Keldeo smiled and nodded)_

Nah, nah. I must be mistaken. He probably just nodded his head for "yes", and Aaron will probably translate the rest of the conversation. Yeah that's it. Now I'll just help myself to these Poffins Ash's friend Dawn sent me and this bottle of Moo Moo Milk I got from Mewtwo. . .

* * *

_Riley nodded. "Glad to meet you, Tyranitar. I'm Riley, and this is…"_

_"Aaron." the Tyranitar finished before Riley could._

_"…How do you…?"_

_"We… kinda know each other from… past events with the doctor." Aaron said, preferring not to bring up the whole debacle again. Riley understood._

_"…I see. Well… you're free to stay here as long as you need to, Tyranitar." Riley said._

_"…I really shouldn't be bothering you guys. I already caused you a whole lot of trouble earlier. I mean… I almost killed you guys."_

* * *

_(Keldeo spat out milk and chunks of chewed Poffin)_

Holy biscuits! He talks! He actually talks!

Did Dr. Anderson's _Charizard_ talk? No! So why can Tyranitar talk?

My only guess, _and I'm pulling this out of thin air,_ is that since Riley is an Aura Guardian, he has the ability to understand Pokemon. That's my head-cannon and I'm sticking to it!

* * *

_"But that's not your fault." Riley assured him, his tone gentle and kind. "You couldn't stop yourself. Anderson forced you to do his bidding."_

_"Part of me wants to admit that… but the other part of me says I deserve to die."_

_The room went eerily silent for a while. Not much sound was made apart from very soft breathing. Aaron spoke up to break the silence._

_"I'll… let you two be." he said, feeling that Tyranitar needed to talk, but not in front of the Lucario. "If you need me at all, I'll be downstairs." he told them. Leaving the room, a soft walking could be heard from his feet, still being the only sound to pierce the uncomfortable silence._

* * *

_**Snagglepuss**: Exit stage right!_

But to be fair, he said he'd be downstairs if Riley needed him.

* * *

_Riley sighed. Walking fully into the room, he went over to the Tyranitar and sat down in the chair that Aaron was in just moments earlier._

_"I get the feeling you need to talk." Riley told him._

_"What makes you say that?"_

_"…You could call it a gut feeling, I suppose. Or chalk it up to aura powers." he chuckled._

* * *

_(Keldeo stomped the ground)_

There! Even Riley agrees with my head-cannon!

* * *

_"Yeah… I actually do have a lot of things I need to get off my chest. I mean, about everything that's happened."_

_"Go ahead." Riley said. "I'm all ears."_

_"…I'm a horrible Pokémon."_

* * *

_**GLaDOS: **You are a horrible person. That's what it says. "A horrible person." And we weren't even testing for that._

Shut-up GLaDOS! No he isn't!

* * *

_Riley looked at the Tyranitar sympathetically. "No, you're…"_

_"Do you know how many lives I've taken?" the Tyranitar interrupted, looking at the ground in shame. "Do you know how many times I've drastically damaged a family beyond repair by a murder? Do you know what it's like? To kill, murder, and assassinate so many lives, both human and Pokémon? And to do it all against your will?"_

_Riley had a hard time forming anything to say after that. Instead, he remained silent for a while._

_"Truthfully, I don't." Riley confessed. "I don't know what it's like. I don't know how it would feel. I don't even know how I would psychologically cope with that. But I'll say it again if I need to. It wasn't your fault. Obviously, what you did was wrong. But there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. You don't deserve to die for what you unwillingly did."_

_"I really wish I could agree with you, Riley." he sighed. "I really and truly do want to. But it's not that easy."_

* * *

It still don't know what Team Galactic was doing that required going around killing people. Were they stealing Pokemon? I guess. . .oh never mind.

So, this is where it gets religious. And what do you know, AuraWielder mentions Jesus this time around!

* * *

_Riley sat there for a moment, thinking. After a while, he spoke. "Have you ever heard of a little man called Jesus?"_

_"Rings a bell." he muttered. "All I really know is that he founded a religion. And that he died. That's… pretty much it."_

_Riley couldn't help but chuckle from how Tyranitar phrased an entire religion. "Let me talk to you for a second. Pardon me if I end up sounding a little preachy, but I feel it's important to get this out."_

_"I'm listening."_

_"That same man died on a cross. For everybody's past mistakes. For everybody's past sins. And for everybody's past transgressions."_

_Tyranitar couldn't help but be slightly skeptical. "But… didn't he die like… thousands of years ago or something like that?"_

_Riley chuckled. "It was thousands of years ago. But his death meant that he died for EVERYONE. Past, present, and future."_

_Tyranitar was somewhat interested now, but still a bit understandably skeptical._

_"…And you have proof of this."_

_"You know, that's actually the beauty of it." he told the Tyranitar. "I don't have any proof."_

_"Then how can you be so sure of yourself?" Tyranitar questioned him._

_Riley grinned. "I just am. Chalk up to faith, or aura, or whatever you want. But I'm pretty confident. And even on the off chance that I'm wrong… well, no harm and no foul if we do all just turn to dust. I don't exactly have anything to lose. Well… except for the occasional discrimination…" he muttered offhandedly._

_"Discrimination?"_

_"Christianity is something of a minority in Sinnoh. An extremely small one, like around 5% of the region. Even the Sinnoh Champion belongs to the Buddhist majority. But mind you, she is still a WONDERFUL lady. Though, as a result of my religion being a minority, I can suffer from discrimination at times. Sometimes, it's just petty insults. Other times, it costs me a job. But it's nothing that I can't handle."_

* * *

_(Keldeo shrugged)_

Not a bad way of explaining Christianity. Kind of like "Christianity at a Glance." I don't see Cynthia being a Buddhist though. Maybe I'm just missing something.

* * *

_"This is kind of interesting… but still confusing… So, a dead guy died for the mistakes and sins and transgressions of everybody in the whole wide world, past present, and future?"_

_Riley chuckled. "It sounds a little silly when you put it like that. But yes. And so that brings us to full circle. Forgiving yourself of your past transgressions."_

_"…With a dead guy's help?"_

_Riley laughed again. "He's technically still alive, but yes."_

_"Technically?"_

_"It's a long and complex story."_

* * *

Well, you could've mentioned the "rising from the dead part" right now, but Tyranitar is kinda new to all this so I guess he can be taught all the details of the Gospel later on. I really like how adult this whole situation is being treated. It's being written like an actual witness and sharing of faith would flow.

* * *

_"Oh." he said. "Well… maybe he'll help me find peace with what I've done."_

_"I think he might. This reminds me of the story of Paul."_

_"…You mean that guy who got arrested and put in jail for abusing his Chimchar recently?"_

* * *

_(Keldeo jumped for joy and cheered)_

He did it! AuraWielder wrote the best line in a fan-fiction of all time! Give him a round of applause everybody! Incredible!

_(Fireworks went off in the sky as shots of huge crowd were shown. The applause and cheering went on for a whole minute before finally dying down. Keldeo calmed down and composed himself while still smiling)_

Awesome.

* * *

_"No, not that criminal!" Riley laughed again, putting his hand to his face. "I'm talking about a previous one. A guy from 'thousands of years ago' once named Saul, but then took the name Paul after Jesus forgave him."_

_"What did he do?"_

_"Before he was Paul, he was Saul. As Saul, he persecuted and imprisoned a whole lot of Christians. He hated them with quite the burning ambition. He might have even tortured and killed them, but there's no recorded evidence of that. It was 'thousands of years ago', after all. No such things as DNA scanning, or fingerprint analysis or stuff like that existed yet." he chuckled._

_"So what happened?"_

_"What do you think happened?" Riley asked._

_"…Beats me."_

_"Hmm. Pardon me for a second. I think I should quote a passage to help you out. 'The Lord is compassionate and gracious; slow to anger, abounding in love... He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgression from us.' Psalm 103:8-12. So there. Now what do you think happened?"_

_Tyranitar realized just how much this passage, and the story of Saul, related to him. He processed it, thinking very deeply. As he thought about it more, the puzzle pieces seemed to fit together in his head._

_"…God forgave him, right?"_

_Riley nodded. "Indeed."_

* * *

Again, very well executed. Tyranitar will probably learn all the details about Saul going blind and then regaining his sight later on. This just marks the beginning of his new life and his understanding of this new faith.

* * *

_"Yeah." Tyranitar agreed. "Hey… I… want to study more about this. I think… that you might be right. I know you said it's not my fault… but I still think that I need some sort of consolation."_

_Riley smiled. "I can help you with that."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah. Why don't we head downstairs and do some talking with Aaron?"_

_"That sounds good."_

_"Oh, and Tyranitar?" Riley asked._

_"Yeah?"_

_"…You want to stay with me?"_

_"I'd love to." he smiled softly. "You seem really nice. And someone who I can trust after everything that's happened."_

_Riley couldn't help but get a tear in his eye. "Aaron said the same thing." he said, still smiling._

_"Do you want to nickname me?" Tyranitar asked._

_"Good point… I think I will."_

_"Any ideas?"_

_Riley looked over the Tyranitar, thinking for a bit. "How do you feel about Nick?"_

_"…"_

_"…Well?"_

_"…Sounds good to me, Riley!"_

_"Then let's get going. There's a whole bunch I want to teach you."_

_Pokémon © Nintendo / Game Freak_

* * *

_(Keldeo furrowed his brow)_

Nick the Tyranitar. . .I guess it's a good name. Huh, who am I to talk, I wouldn't have a clue what to name him!

This story was great. A nice little devotional that gave us insight to Tyranitar's- I mean _Nick's_ early character in the aftermath of _Breaking the Chains. _It has a very nice portrayal of Christians and actually could help people understand it more, seeing as it doesn't shove it down your throat and is kind and nice about it. But back to Nick, his character has a lot of potential. Here's a character summary of him from the _Conquering the Dark Planning _found at the tail end of _Breaking the Chains:_

* * *

_Tyranitar (Nick): Formerly under the control of Doctor Anderson in Breaking the Chains, he has happy joined Riley to train and live with him once he was broken free from his own chains. He has grown even more powerful under Riley's ownership than he ever has under Anderson's, likely due to not being mind-controlled.  
Personality: Being broken free of Anderson's control had, at first, broken him psychologically. The memories of Pokémon he had murdered under Anderson's control haunted him for a long time, before he could finally learn to accept, with Riley's help, that it was not his fault that he had no power over himself under Anderson's control. He has since forgiven himself of his own transgressions and vowed himself to Riley and God, becoming arguably the most religious member of the group. Is rather optimistic._

* * *

I'm going to be looking forward to seeing Nick as well as all the other new characters we'll be seeing in _Conquering the Dark._

Well, that was _Past Transgressions. _After a short break, we'll review another AuraWielder one-shot that is. . .kinda. . .well. . ._interesting._

_(A voice that sounded like a game show host suddenly made an announcement)_

**_CONGRATULATIONS KELDEO THE CRITIC! YOU HAVE REVIEWED THIS FANFIC WITHOUT MAKING ANY REFERENCES TO _THE MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC_ FANFIC _"PAST SINS"_ BY _PEN STROKE!**

_(After the the voice spoke, balloons and streamers rained down as horns blew in celebration. Keldeo looked thrilled beyond words as he did a back-flip out of happiness.)_

Oh! Oh! Oh my-! Wow, I did it! Oh, thanks everyone! I'm just so happy right now, I don't know what to say, I-

_(Keldeo stopped and blinked in confusion)_

Wait a minute, doesn't what just happened count?

**We'll be right back!**

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_


	60. Commercial 7

Keldeo the Critic here, and I know that by now there are a lot of readers who love reading reviews written by Pokemon for Pokemon! So, you'd all probably be glad to hear that there are now many _more_ options to get your Pokemon review fix!

First, there's me! Keldeo the Critic! A Pokemon who likes having fun talking about Pokemon Fanfics! I praise good parts, make a lot of fun jokes and references, and make sure to address parts I feel are just inexcusable!

Second, there's Mewtwo the Angry Rated M Clone. He handles the M rated stuff I wouldn't touch with 39 and a half foot pole. He doesn't crack many jokes though, but he does go wild when he comes across any filth.

Third, there's good old Zorua Reviews! Yeah, after our feud, things are better between us now. We each have our own styles and that's okay. The little guy is kinda funny. Plus, his mom's awesome! Anyway, Zorua reviews Pokemon movies and episodes of the Anime in a condensed, play by play, simplified manner. He's funny in his own way, while at the same time making connections to it. He's also very optimistic! Gotta love that!

Fourth, there's Kyurem the Critic by Mr. Grool. Kyurem. . .urk. Well, if he stays civil, then I'll stay civil. Anyway, Kyurem focuses more on Creepy-Pastas, so we're not really competing, per say. He also has a Cryogonal the Critic that reviews sometimes. He also has some funny parodies and skits from time to time. However, he sometimes doesn't hold back when reviewing bad ones, so hang on tight.

Fifth, and the most recent one, is Arceus the Critic by Imperator Justinian. Wow, Arceus! I must be onto to something good if Arceus wants in! He's the most like me content-wise. He reviews fan-fiction. But, unlike me, he doesn't crack jokes. He gives a more straight reaction and review without going out of his way to make references or jokes. Sure, he could pose some competition, but first of all our styles are different, and second of all. . . I don't want to be hit by a Judgement attack. . . so. . .yeah. . . I'll just let him review.

And finally, although this one hasn't been officially started yet, Ryan the Reviewer by FictionaryMan03895! That's right, my good friend Ryan the Lucario is gonna do reviews! What of? Fan-made Pokemon Youtube videos! Now that sounds cool! It looks like that review of _Summer Part 1 Attempt 1 _we did together had a lasting effect on him! I'm glad I inspired him to do reviews of his own, and on a very cool subject matter too! Good luck Ryan, and I support you all the way!

So, those are your options! Which one of these review shows is your favorites? How about least favorite? Um, but maybe you should at least wait until each one has a couple of reviews up before you answer that. Give all of them a chance. Besides, they each review something different, so you really should follow them all!

Well, I hope you enjoy all of our reviews!

I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I wish you all happy reading!


	61. In Your Own Skin

_And then the reviews began!_

* * *

**Keldeo The Critic- In Your Own Skin by AuraWielder**

**(Keldeo's point of view of course)**

Time for the second fanfic of this Double Review! This is a stand alone one-shot called _In Your Own Skin._

_(Keldeo smiles nervously)_

It's. . .interesting. It's good, but it's different. It's hard to explain, so let's just start.

* * *

_In Your Own Skin_

_We cut open to a beautiful mansion, sparkling clean and shiny everywhere. The whole place had recently been cleaned, and all by one Lucario. He was dressed in a very handsome butler suit,_

* * *

_(Keldeo burst out laughing and fell over. He rolled on his back, laughing up a storm as he rested on his side. Keldeo laughed and laughed like crazy, kicking his legs a bit. He went on like this for a minute or two, then he took a few deep breaths and got back up on his hooves)_

Wow. . .I mean. . .a Lucario in a butler suit? What, is _Alfred_ his trainer? I mean, come on! Just imagine a Lucario wearing a butler suit. That's just so hilarious. . .I can't believe it!

Okay, okay, I'm good, I'm good. Moving on in the story.

* * *

_and had volunteered to have an interview with Randy Ampharos, a journalist for the sexuality section of 'The Kalos Times'._

* * *

_(Keldeo face hoofed)_

Oh boy, we're in trouble.

_(Keldeo looked up in confusion)_

Wait, he's an Ampharos? Why is an Ampharos a reporter? Shouldn't he be a human?

* * *

_Naturally, Randy had caught interested in the first submissive Lucario he had ever seen! After researching the mansion he served at, he was allowed to visit the premises for an interview._

* * *

Okay, so what does it mean to be a submissive Lucario?

Well, luckily, the story answers that question!

* * *

_"All right. So, I guess I'll start off with the obvious question. What does it mean to be a submissive?" Randy asked._

_"That's a question I get a lot. Being a submissive... it requires some serious consideration and dedication. You have to truly ask yourself, 'Am I ready to do this?'. If you even have the possible consideration of 'no', it might not be for you. This kind of lifestyle isn't for everybody. But it's something that works for me, and something I love." the Lucario replied, wagging his tail._

_"Why are you a submissive? You're a Lucario."_

_"Another question I get asked a lot. Most people tend to think of all Lucarios as dominant creatures. That we're the ones to always take charge, control the relationship, rake in the money... that kind of thing._

* * *

Rake in the money? You're a Pokemon! Pokemon don't use money!

* * *

_And for the most part, they wouldn't be wrong. But ever since I was little, I knew that I liked helping other Pokemon and obeying commands much more than ordering others around. Sure, I was only a small Riolu then, but I guess it could be considered an early sign."_

_"Were you rejected for not being how other Lucarios in general were expected to be?"_

_"Yeah. You could say that. My father in particular picked up my more 'submissive' mannerisms and asked me about them. I replied with the truth, as scary as that was. And he offered me two choices. Change my ways, or leave the family. You can guess which option I picked..."_

* * *

Wow. . .that's kinda sad. So, from what I understand, Lucario likes to be controlled and follow around behind others. I can understand why his father deemed that as weakness, but kicking him out of the family? Wow, what a jerk. Lucario seems happy now, though.

* * *

_"I see. Do you ever have any issues with acknowledging your submissiveness?"_

_"Definitely. A lot of people saw me as a freak, for wanting to be the submissive. Most Pokemon could tell when I tried signing up for jobs as a waiter, or a servant... typically jobs associated with being submissive. And most jobs fell through. You could say I was discriminated a bit."_

* * *

I don't get it! If jobs such as waiter and servant exist, then why are people upset when he applies for them? Is it because he's a submissive Lucario? I guess. . .but how can a Pokemon get a job?!

* * *

_"So you finally found a job here? How did that happen? This place is very exquisite!" the Ampharos remarked._

_"It's a funny story, actually... I had a temporary job as a waiter for this nice little restaurant on the edge of town. I had been hired for only a few weeks when the lady that would be my future Mistress came in. And naturally, I just happened to be her waiter that night. She remarked that she had never seen someone so dedicated to the art of serving, and was extremely pleased with my service. I even received a very generous tip from her, about 50%! And mind you, she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, which was the steak."_

_"Wow." Randy remarked. "So, did she invite you over or...?"_

_"Not yet. She came back the next night. Someone else, a Samurott, had gotten to her table before me, so I wasn't expecting to serve her that night. But then the Samurott came over to me and said that she specifically requested me as a servant again. Naturally, I was very happy. She ordered the same thing as last time, but this time, she invited me to sit down with her and chat after I gave her food to her. I simply couldn't refuse."_

* * *

Wait, so now we got a Samurott waiting on tables? Hmm, maybe the idea of Pokemon working with humans is a good thing! This really could work. Pokemon are very intelligent.

_(Keldoe winked slyly)_

More so than humans in my opinion!

* * *

_"What did you guys talk about?"_

_"She said that she loved my dedication to my servitude._

* * *

Don't say it like that! Servitude sounds so hopeless.

* * *

_ She revealed to me that she had been needing a servant to help clean up and keep her mansion in pristine condition, and was willing to pay very good money. The idea sounded great to me, and she left me a phone number to contact her at. Once I was off of the job, I called her and got directions to her mansion, which was maybe half an hour from the restaurant I worked at. We talked for a while and I expressed interest in changing jobs and serving her instead. Her pay was significantly more than what I was making at the restaurant, and she offered free room and board as long as I stayed loyal to my job."_

_"So you switched jobs and dropped everything to serve her? Just like that?"_

_"There wasn't much to drop, really. Acknowledging yourself as a submissive Lucario doesn't really get you many friends. It's a rather prevailing stereotype that Lucarios suffer from. Of course, I didn't just jump into the job all willy-nilly. We established a contract. I might be submissive, but that certainly doesn't mean I'm stupid, Mr. Ampharos."_

* * *

And he still knows Aura Sphere, so watch what you say!

* * *

_"I never said that it did." he chuckled. "What were the details of the contract?"_

_"Well, I would be her servant for weekdays, morning until night. She often had plenty of things for me to do, like cleaning her mansion, sorting through everything, maintaining the garden... things like that. I had Saturdays off, though I was still allowed to live in her mansion. I had Sundays off too, as I requested to accommodate the contract to take religious services into account. She didn't mind."_

_"Religious services?"_

_"Yep. I'm a Christian. But so was my Mistress, and we actually both attend church together. So it actually works out very well!"_

_"So, more about the whole dominance vs submission issue. What do you think of that?" Randy continued._

* * *

And now, we get the moral of this story, which I believe is a very good moral indeed. Something a lot of people need to learn.

* * *

_"Hmm. That's a very good question. I would say that you need to be comfortable in your own skin. Look at your reflection in the mirror, accept yourself for who you are, and don't let anyone condemn you for that. It's particularly hard as a Christian, even if you've found comfort in God already. Both me and my Mistress have had to be confronted with this by other Christians, and some just don't understand. Some do. Some have such a relationship themselves. And others just HATE. But you have to learn to accept that. That no matter who you are, some people will just flat out HATE you because what they believe you're doing is sinful. But I don't hate them back. My Mistress and I have really learned to look past that together."_

* * *

_(Keldeo clapped his hooves)_

Bravo! Bravo! Excellent moral! Well done AuraWielder! I really like this Lucario's character by the way. Reminds me of Aaron from _Breaking the Chains _by the way.

* * *

_"Interesting. I want to know more about your Mistress. What is she like?"_

_"She's a Blaziken, for starters._

* * *

A Blaziken owns this huge mansion and goes out to restaurants?! Alright, this _cannot _be the human world. We got a Lucario butler, an Ampharos newspaper reporter, a Samurott waiter, and a wealthy millionaire Blaziken. This must be either in the Mystery Dungeon world or the Pokepark world. But wait, the newspaper is "The Kalos Times" and Kalos is the region of Pokemon X and Y. So. . .Pokemon are equivalent to humans in the Kalos Region?

_(Keldeo's eyes lit up)_

Wow! That's amazing! The Swords of Justice and I have to visit their some time! Oh,and Meleotta should come to! We can go to that restaurant together!

Anyway, back to the story!

* * *

_ If you've ever met her, you'd discover that her aura simply radiates with power. And I have quite an attraction to that power. It's... breathtaking, in a way. Sometimes literally." Lucario laughed._

_"Literally? What do you mean by that?"_

_"Mr. Ampharos. This IS the sexuality column of The Kalos Times, correct? While I'm Christian and a virgin, I am INCREDIBLY kinky. The Mistress and I do a lot of bondage play together, but it never gets sexual, 'cause we're both waiting for marriage. Ropes, cuffs, rubber, some breathplay...__it is an incredible experience to be so helpless and put all my trust in her._

* * *

_(Keldeo looked very uncomfortable)_

Ehhh, I don't know about that stuff, and I don't think I want to know.

* * *

_I wouldn't have agreed to do all of this if I didn't trust her, but Mr. Ampharos, I trust her with my entire life. She's commanding, mysterious, and powerful... but underneath it all, she's still incredibly nice, kind, and understanding. And she's always willing to let me out if things get to be too much for me, even if it rarely does. We got to know each other for about half a year before we started."_

_"...There's a lot of conviction behind this, isn't there? There's something more than you just being her trustworthy servant."_

_"...Um. Yeah." Lucario blushed nervously. "Mr. Ampharos, keep this off of the column if you could, but... I plan to propose to her. Tonight. Just after our date."_

* * *

Huh. Wow. Suddenly it's a romance. . .

* * *

_"...Wow." Randy smiled. "I'm happy for you. I'm sure things will be great for you guys."_

_"I'm truly happy with her, Randy. And she's the first one to accept me for who I was. She is much more to me than just my Mistress. I love her. As much more. ...A-Anyway, yeah. Are there any other questions you wanted to ask?"_

_Randy shook his head. "No, I think I'm done here, Mr. Lucario. And don't worry. I'll leave off that bit about your proposal." he smiled._

_Just then, a Blaziken came in. She was in a beautiful red dress that seems to glow with fire on her. "Well, my dear servant? How is the interview going?"_

_Lucario smiled. "We're just about done here, my Mistress." He then turned to face Randy. "Sorry to leave you, Mr. Ampharos, but we've got a date to go on."_

_"Hey, don't let me stop you." he chuckled, watching the two walk away happily, holding each other's hands. The Ampharos has his report, and the Lucario had a happy life ahead of him..._

_Pokemon (c) Nintendo / Game Freak_

_Part of the reason I wrote this oneshot was due to frustration. I felt that I, being a kinky Christian, was being condemned. Not by my own family, but by other 'Christians' on the internet. So this is a little bit of a 'vent' piece. To help others understand that those interested in the kinky side of life, or those who have a different but still loving relationship, that they aren't sinful. I think our kinks are part of what make us different, and are just part of life for some people. We're all still humans, aren't we?_

_- AuraWielder_

* * *

_(Keldeo clapped his hooves again)_

I just have to clap again for that author's note. Really, this guy is good incorporating a message into his work.

Now that it's over, do ya see why this story is. . . interesting?

I mean, it has good characters and a good message, but certain parts are strange. First off, the setting is apparently a part of the Kalos Region where Pokemon are on equal footing with humans. Wow, I wonder if N knows about this place. Okay, I'd understand if this was just a setting AuraWielder created so he could "vent" while teaching a message, but he could have just said this was in the Mystery Dungeon world or just in a world where Pokemon lived like humans. Put really, those are just nitpicks.

And about Lucario and Blaziken's things. . .actually, that was the point. They have their "kinks", and the right thing to do is to be understanding of them, and not to condemn them. So, this fanfic succeeded in what it set out to do. I can honestly say that AuraWielder has some serious talent.

_"Ahem!"_

_(Kedleo turned to see a Donphan standing nearby.)_

Huh? You again?

_"You know why I'm here."_

_(Keldeo sighed)_

Oh yeah. Remember that scene in chapter 5 of _Breaking the Chains? _The one where Aaron got raped by a Team Galactic woman and I got extremely mad about it? Well, AuraWielder changed it.

* * *

_"It was… a beating. A very harsh brutal no-hold back brawl. This… woman… no, monster is more appropriate. She hated me. While the doctor and Cyrus simply viewed me as a tool, she saw me as something else. And she was the only woman I really interacted with while I was there. The doctor experimented on me. She… hated me. She thought I took too much attention away from the doctor. She told me that she wanted him for himself. I had the most vicious beating of my life that day. Bones were broken, blood was shed, and anger was unleashed."_

_"…" Riley was silent._

_I continued. "The doctor had one saving grace. And only one. Obviously, when he came in the next day, he saw me battered and beaten. Normally, he wouldn't have questioned it, but I had broken bones. Galactic grunts weren't supposed to go that far. He asked me what happened. I told him. He allowed me a week to heal before he would continue experimentation… you know, I never saw that woman again… I guess it just left a very bad impression on me."_

_"…No wonder you were scared of me." Maylene realized._

* * *

This is much better. Stuff like rape should only be in M rated stories. That's where I draw the line, and nothing can make me change my mind about that.

_(The Donphan nodded)_

_"Alright then. I'm done here."_

_(The Donphan left)_

Alright, so that's it. Now, AuraWielder has other fanfics that I haven't even mentioned. So you really should show you're support and check his stories out. I'm sure his good writing will make you excited for his upcoming epic story, _Conquering the Dark._

_(Keldeo sighed)_

So now we wait.

_(Keldeo sighed a second time. When he spoke, an eerie echo resonated with it)_

Is it really that_ time_ again?

It seems as if we only just _finished_ reviewing _Breaking the Chains._

AuraWielder has done a great deal in a small_ time ssspan._

He's done so well, in fact, that he's given me some interesting offers for my services. . .

* * *

_Keldeo: The sole surviving Musketeer of Unova, his former mentor figures and family (Cobalion, Terrakion, and Virizion) were killed protecting Keldeo from the Commander's army. He escaped the Commander's clutches by getting onto a ship bound for Sinnoh at the last moment. There, he met up with Xerneas, who introduced him to the resistance. He has personally vowed to avenge his family for their wrongful deaths._  
_Personality: Formerly extremely friendly and outgoing, his heart has hardened somewhat due to the loss of his family and mentors. However, he is by no means stone-cold. Get to know him well enough, and if he lets you in, he can easily become your vibrant and lively best friend. But if you betray him, he will never forgive you._

* * *

Ordinarily, I wouldn't contemplate them, but he is an _extra_ordinary author. . .hm. . .

_(The world suddenly faded into washed out black and white as time began to slow down around Keldeo)_

_**FLASH!**_

_(Keldeo violently sucked in his breath and continued)_

Rather than simply comparing waiting for _Conquering the Dark _to waiting for _Half-Life 3_, I will take the liberty of _imitating G-man…_

Who knows_ if_ I'll ever get the _chance_ to do this again!

**_FLASH!_**

_(Keldeo was suddenly standing in space. Although be was standing still, he appeared to be flying backwards at Warp Speed as the stars became streaks of white light.)_

I do apologize for what must seem to you an arbitrary _ending_ to this review, AuraWielder. I trust it will all make sense to you and all the other confused readers in the course of…

_(Keldeo smiled knowingly)_

. . .well... I'm really not at liberty to say.

In the meeeantime. . . this is where I get off.

_(The stars vanished, and Keldeo was standing in pitch darkness. Keldeo turned and walked back and few steps. To his right, a door suddenly slid open in space, and out of it flooded blinding white light. Keldeo turned towards it. He ran his left hoof through his hair, turned to give one last smile, and then proceeded to walk through the door, which slid shut behind him.)_

**THE END**

Performed by Keldeo of the Swords of Justice

**_Credits_**

_Portal 2_

_Half-Life 2_

_Past Sins _by Pen Stroke

_Nostalgia Critic- Little Nemo_

_Nostalgia Critic- Tom and Jerry the Movie_

_Snagglepuss- _Hannah Barberra

_The Legend of Spyro_

_**The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T**** be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.**_

_**(This was a parody of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy With The Glasses)**_


	62. The Angry Rated M Clone Has Moved

The Angry Rated M Mewtwo has been moved out of Keldeo the Critic and is now a stand alone series.


End file.
